DOCTOR: Whatever you want with me, fine. But save my friends. Don't let the Cybermen take them. If the history between us means anything to you...

MASTER: I do believe you're appealing to my better nature. And we both know I don't have one. I'm not going to help them, and neither are you. And the history between us does mean something. It's the rage and pain in my hearts.

MASTER: Look upon my work, Doctor, and despair. Remember how we used to run through those streets as children? The alleys where we'd hide from Borusa as we skipped classes? All gone now. Come on, ask me why I did this.

DOCTOR: Why did you do this?

MASTER: Not telling you. (laughs) Oh, crack a smile.

DOCTOR: Proud of yourself?

MASTER: Definitely.

DOCTOR: All this death finally made you happy?

MASTER: Ecstatic.

DOCTOR: And has it calmed all the rage?

MASTER: I don't think anything will ever do that.

DOCTOR: When does all this stop for you? The games, the betrayals, the killing?

MASTER: Why would it stop? I mean, how else would I get your attention?

DOCTOR: Missy. Missy. You've changed. I know you have. And I know what you're capable of. Stand with me. It's all I've ever wanted.

MISSY: Me too. But no. Sorry. Just, no. (she takes his hand) But thanks for trying.

RAZOR: Do you want the good tea or the bad tea?

BILL: What's the difference?

RAZOR: I call one good, one bad.

BILL: Er, I'll take the good one.

RAZOR: Excellent, positive attitude. Will help with the horror to come.

BILL: What horror?

RAZOR: Mainly the tea.

DOCTOR: We had a pact, me and him. Every star in the universe, we were going to see them all. But he was too busy burning them. I don't think she ever saw anything.

DOCTOR: Even if that was the truth, the fact that you're suggesting it shows there's been no change, no hope, no point. We don't sacrifice people. It's wrong, because it's easy.

MISSY: You know, back in the day, I'd burn an entire city to the ground just to see the pretty shapes the smoke made. I'm sorry your plus one doesn't get a happy ending, but, like it or not, I just saved this world because I want to change.

MISSY [OC]: Your version of good is not absolute. It's vain, arrogant and sentimental. If you're waiting for me to become all that, I'm going to be here for a long time yet.

MISSY: I am your friend.

DOCTOR: Makes no difference.

MISSY: I know it doesn't. I know I'm going to die. I have to say it, the truth. Without hope. Without witness. Without reward. I am your friend.

MISSY: Apparently, you think you're going to die tomorrow.

DOCTOR: Well, I've got some good news about that.

MISSY: Oh, yeah?

DOCTOR: It's still today!

CLARA: Since when do you care about the Doctor?

MISSY: Since always. Since the Cloister Wars. Since the night he stole the moon and the President's wife. Since he was a little girl. One of those was a lie. Can you guess which one?

CLARA: He's not your friend. You keep trying to kill him.

MISSY: He keeps trying to kill me. It's sort of our texting. We've been at it for ages.

CLARA: Mmm. Must be love.

MISSY: Oh, don't be disgusting. We're Time Lords, not animals. Try, nano-brain, to rise above the reproductive frenzy of your noisy little food chain, and contemplate friendship. A friendship older than your civilisation, and infinitely more complex.

MISSY: It's a confession dial.

CLARA: A what?

MISSY: In your terms, a will. The Last Will and Testament of the Time Lord known as the Doctor, to be delivered, according to ancient tradition, to his closest friend, on the eve of his final day.

(Clara reaches for it, and gets an electric shock.)

MISSY: Ah, ah! What are you doing?

CLARA: You said. I thought.

MISSY: No, no, no, no, no. It was delivered to me.

CLARA: You?

MISSY: Well of course it was sent to me. What have you got to do with it? I'm his friend. You're just

CLARA: I'm just what?

MISSY: See that couple over there?

(A man and a woman walk through with their dog.)

MISSY: You're the puppy.

DOCTOR: Why are you doing this?

MISSY: I need you to know we're not so different. I need my friend back.

MISSY: You felt it. (sighs dramatically) Surely you did.

DOCTOR: Two hearts.

MISSY: And both of them yours.

DOCTOR: Clara. Clara... Clara! I've got to get to Clara!

MISSY: Oh, "Clara, Clara, Clara!" I should shoot you in a jealous rage – now, wouldn't that be sexy?

MASTER: Dying in your arms. Happy now?

DOCTOR: You're not dying. Don't be stupid. It's only a bullet. Just regenerate.

MASTER: No.

DOCTOR: One little bullet. Come on.

MASTER: I guess you don't know me so well. I refuse.

DOCTOR: Regenerate. Just regenerate. Please. Please! Just regenerate. Come on.

MASTER: And spend the rest of my life imprisoned with you?

DOCTOR: You've got to. Come on. It can't end like this. You and me, all the things we've done. Axons. Remember the Axons? And the Daleks. We're the only two left. There's no one else. Regenerate!

MASTER: How about that. I win. Will it stop, Doctor? The drumming. Will it stop?

DOCTOR: I'm here.

MASTER: Doctor.

DOCTOR: Master.

MASTER: I like it when you use my name.

DOCTOR: I've been alone ever since. But not anymore. Don't you see? All we've got is each other.

MASTER: Are you asking me out on a date?

(The Master had donned an ornate Time Lord ceremonial robe.)

MASTER: I always dress for the occasion.

MASTER: What are we waiting for?

LEE: The road's still blocked.

MASTER: This... is... an... ambulance!

LEE: Right.

MASTER: If we do cooperate, there'll be no question of you ever returning to Gallifrey.

DOCTOR: If we don't cooperate, there'll be no question of Gallifrey.

MASTER: I'd like to try and take the Doctor alive, if possible. If not, I'll blast him out of space! Pity, though.

OGRON: You do not wish to kill him?

MASTER: Of course I do! But I don't know... Rocket fire at long range, I don't know, somehow it lacks that personal touch.

GOVERNOR: I'm releasing you into the custody of this Commissioner. He will fly you back to Sirius 4 to stand trial.

DOCTOR: And may I ask what I'm supposed to have done there?

MASTER: Defrauding the Sirius 4 Dominion Bank, evasion of planetary income tax. Assault and battery committed upon the person of a Sirius 4 police official. Taking a spaceship without authority and piloting the said spaceship without payment of tax and insurance. Landing the said spaceship on an unauthorised area of Sirius 3. Need I go on?

DOCTOR: I seem to be quite the master criminal, don't I? You don't mean to say that you really believe all this nonsense, do you, Governor? Whatever credentials that he's shown you are forged.

DOCTOR: That's calmed her down a bit. She's very temperamental when she's roused, isn't she.

JO: You know, I never know whether you're joking or not, I, Ow. Oh, I think I've bruised my tailbone.

DOCTOR: Sorry about your coccyx, Jo, but these little things are sent to try us.

JO: My what?

DOCTOR: Coccyx. Your tailbone.

MASTER [on scanner]: I'm sorry about your coccyx too, Miss Grant. How very sociable of you both to drop in.

DOCTOR: No, I will not join you in your absurd dreams of a galactic conquest.

MASTER: Why? Why? Look at this. Look at all those planetary systems, Doctor. We could rule them all!

DOCTOR: What for? What is the point?

MASTER: The point is that one must rule or serve. That's a basic law of life. Why do you hesitate, Doctor? Surely it's not loyalty to the Time Lords, who exiled you on one insignificant planet?

DOCTOR: You'll never understand, will you? I want to see the universe, not rule it.

MASTER: Then I'm very sorry, Doctor.

(The Master aims his laser gun at the Doctor, and the Guardian's panel rises.)