(Original review from other website, you know the one)
Literally one of the worst things that could be done with the character of The Doctor. It turns her from an aspirational self-made hero to Space Jesus, an unknowable being, a hero by birthright, and literally the most important Time Lord of all time.
I legitimately hope that in future it is completely dropped, like The Watcher or The Doctor being half-human, I don't see any other real way to fix the mess that has been created due to this episode.
Also, the same problems that I have with just about every Chibnall story persists; bad, stilted, unnatural dialogue, bad direction, and an overall amateurish vibe.
The only real good thing I can say about it is, that the special effects, for the most part, look pretty good, and the prop work is good as always these days, but, that is quite literally set-dressing, the actual core is rotten.
1/10

Timeless Children is a failure on several levels. The whole revelation itself, as confusing as it may be and out of lockstep with so much of established Who lore, at least it was in theory a bold new direction for the character.

Where we tumble in quality - and we really are just hitting rock bottom in terms of quality, is how this story is executed. The Doctor is stripped of all agency, which could be interesting if done well, but no, it is so she can be told everything in a glorified PowerPoint presentation. The clown show only gets worse as everyone just feels totally out of it, performance wise. Everything is so dependant on effects and ideas clearly not on stage with the actors (all of which just look so terrible and have serious lighting issues), too often the actors have to be vague or neutral in their performances, leaving everyone feeling like a flat dud.

This is a franchise with Absorbaloffs, squiggly line monsters, diner girl Claras, and so much more stinky entries into its history, but nothing quite feels as underwhelming, disappointing, cynical, and poorly executed as this one. The Doctor's big heroic move is letting someone else die in her place. The companions' role and place in this story ranges from useless to an annoying distraction. It makes me sad in the worst way possible as a fan.

And what is worse of all is that all it really does is damage. There was no pay-off to the Timeless Children, we know that now. But it did walk back Moffat's Day of the Doctor and the big moment of saving Gallifrey. It did tremendous damage to the idea of the Doctor just being this outcast nobody in Time Lord society. And it did tremendous damage to the prestige and hard-fought respect the show had earned over the years during its reboot.

I don't blame people for wanting the show to have been cancelled after this. Chibnall essentially ground the franchise to a bitter halt with a non-story that barely qualifies as a plot, feeling more like a recap episode to events never seen before. I'm glad things are going in a different direction, but I get it. This was miserable. Stuff like the Cyber Lords and Ashad feel completely pointless, especially knowing the full extent of the Chibnall era. I've also always found this incarnation of the Master to be so, so lame. Some fans seem to really like it, all I can say is that Sacha is a wonderful actor I find makes for a bad Master. It could just be Chibnall writing him poorly.

The only reason this doesn't get a 1/10 is that somehow, in spite of all of this, the stuff with The Division from earlier in The Ascension of Cyberman is executed kind of perfectly and is paid off well here.  Oh, don't get me wrong, it ultimately never went anywhere and clearly was fumbled down the road, but the actual story there, told in this very strange allegory - that is how the whole episode should have been. That would have actually been interesting and nuanced. It's so clever though, it feels like it is a completely different entity from a completely different show at this point. I don't know, it just seems like the Division content in Timeless Children is a hint of what could have been, while the rest of the episode is a firm reminder of what we actually got.

Final Score - 2/10

I really, really want to like this episode. There are so many little moments that I find enjoyable, but the whole thing is less than the sum of its parts. It's just so long. It feels terribly bloated. Too much and not enough happens, and I'm not sure I could even recount the plot.

Wow...okay.... that's going to divide the fandom! A truly astounding piece of television, so gripping, action-packed and utterly game-changing. The Doctor is back to being a fully mysterious figure again, we don't even know her species any more!

My only criticism is the same as last week: Captain Jack should have been there. He was clearly heavily linked to the Lone Cyberman arc, and his absence makes literally no sense. How did Chibnall not think at any point during writing process 'Hang on, I need Jack'?

That cliffhanger though...bloody hell, how is the Doctor going to get out of that? And how are the fam going to cope without her? It feels like watching the RTD era all over again!

Storytelling should be about open possibilities! That's why I wait until the corporation that owns my Favourite Intellectual Property gives me the green light before I start coming up with my own stories.

And thank goodness they did. Now, thanks to this episode, all Doctors are canon. Provided they're retconned to be cops.