The Church on Ruby Road

“Once upon a time, late on Christmas Eve, a stranger came to the church on Ruby Road. She carried in her arms the most precious gift of all. A newborn child. A baby girl. Just before midnight, she left her daughter on the steps of the church. The child was taken in, and they named her Ruby, after the place where she was found. As for the mother, she was never seen again. No one ever knew her name, until that night a time traveller came to call. A traveller known as the Doctor.”

“Health and safety. Gin and tonic division.”

“Okay. Name - the Doctor. Occupation - not a doctor. Current status - just passing by. Employer - myself. Address - that blue box over there. Now, if you don't mind, I just got snowmanned, and I would like to go home.”

“Bad luck. Ever since that day, it's never stopped. I've been hit, I've been thrown, I've been bumped. I fell off a boat on dry land. I've been in accidents, collisions. I've even been trampled by a moose! And I can't help thinking it all comes back to when I met you.”

DOCTOR: What the hell are you doing?!

RUBY: I'm... just... There's...

DOCTOR: But what did you do that for? Who sees a ladder and just pops on? A ladder in the sky and you thought, "Yeah, I'll give that a go, babes"?

RUBY: They've got the baby!

“Intelligent gloves. One each. Should work. Put it on. Cos I thought to myself, "What's the problem with hanging on?" It's all the friction and the weight and the burn, so I got rid of that. The glove's a kind of super-kinetic transfer of mass. Ah, that's better. The glove takes all my weight. All the weight is in the glove. So nothing burns. Nothing pulls. Nothing hurts. Ta-da!”

“This is a brand new science for me, and I love it. The language of luck. Cos what is a coincidence but a form of accident? Two things bumping together unexpectedly. Like you and me.”

“Oh! Pssh! They are not time travellers. Excuse me. Time travellers are great. Like the best. Like, wow. This lot just bimble.”

RUBY: Wait, how did you do that?

DOCTOR: I spent a long, hot summer with Harry Houdini.

“We've got a baby, we can feast. We can dine three days at least. Baby blood and baby bones. Baby butter for the baby scones.”

“He can eat me. He makes me swoon.”

“I've given up on that cuppa and opted for a life of abstinence.”

“We three queens of the sky up here in the attic.”

DOCTOR: You have got the biggest family in the world.

RUBY: I have. What about you?

DOCTOR: Er, I've got no one.

DOCTOR: It's not magic. It's a language. It's a different form of physics.

RUBY: Yes. Like magic.

“Can't get a cup of tea round here for love nor money.”

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just er... What I mean is... they phoned. From the TV show. When you were out this morning. But they didn't find anything. Just... No mum. No dad. No brothers or sisters. No cousins. Just... just... nothing.”

DOCTOR: I'm adopted.

RUBY: Are you?

DOCTOR: Yeah, yeah. I, er... I only found out recently.

“Merry Christmas, Davina McCall.”

FLOOD: Busy man, sweetheart. You and your box of tricks. You look like you've lost a pound and found a sixpence. What's wrong?

DOCTOR: Just wondering. Maybe I'm the bad luck.

DOCTOR: I'd better go. Merry Christmas.

FLOOD: Who are you, anyway?

DOCTOR: No one. Just passing by.

FLOOD: Well, you take care.

RUBY: He went back. He said he went back. What did he mean, he went back? When was Houdini?

CARLA: What?

RUBY: When was Houdini? Houdini was, like, 1900s, 1920? How could he...? And then he spoke about time travellers and then he...

RUBY: Who are you?

DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor.

“Oh, Merry Christmas, Abdul. Stop making such a fuss. Never seen a TARDIS before?”