I don't like Christmas stories period, but I thought it was cute. Loses a point purely for the goblin woman being the only one to sound like a human woman rather than a goblin woman.

Doctor Who (2023 – 20XX)

#1.Xmas. The Church on Ruby Road ~ 9/10

◆ An Introduction

The rather controversial decision was made to axe the Christmas Specials during the Chibnall era, which resulted in many people spending the festive season bored out of their skull… if they hadn’t already passed out from copious amounts of booze and brandy butter!

These special episodes managed to unite families, because they were often incredibly camp and light-hearted, and it’s not like they could go down the pub on Christmas Day. Some have aged incredibly well, like when someone decided to cast the most famous Australian pop-star as a companion. Others have aged like clotted cream in a sweltering greenhouse, such as the atrocious Narnia special which makes me consider downing a whole bottle of Disaronno!

The Christmas Specials have been resurrected for what is rapidly becoming a new golden age for the franchise, and someone decided to include a Goblin musical number.

Camp and light-hearted to the nth degree!

◆ Publisher’s Summary

Long ago, on Christmas Eve, a baby was abandoned in the snow. Today, Ruby Sunday meets the Doctor, goblins, stolen babies and, perhaps, the secret of her birth.

◆ The Fifteenth Doctor

We got a brief glimpse of this incarnation following the bi-generation, but this episode is his proper debut. He makes an excellent first impression, right from the moment he stops a giant snowman sculpture crushing Ruby and her mates! It was established during the Chibnall era that the Doctor was a foundling, and he’s clearly still coming to terms with that fact, but it gives him a connection with his companion: neither of them really know where they come from.

Ncuti Gatwa is definitely a powerhouse actor, bringing boundless enthusiasm and energy to every episode he’s appeared in. His performance in ‘The Church on Ruby Road’ was frankly marvellous. My favourite moment was when he turned on the musical theatrics and basically hijacked the Goblin King’s theme song: the bloke has got an excellent voice on him, and I sincerely hope he gets a few more musical numbers during his tenure.

He claims to be health and safety: gin and tonic division. The Doctor spends a lot of time hanging off things, so he invented intelligent gloves, which get rid of all the friction and the weight and the burn. He is massively offended when Ruby calls the Goblins time travellers: time travellers are great, while these guys just “bimble”. He once spent a long, hot summer with Harry Houdini. The Doctor is adopted. He only found out recently, but he doesn’t know who his parents were: he was a foundling, just like Ruby.

◆ Ruby Sunday

A foundling abandoned one Christmas Eve, this episode kicks off with Ruby attempting to find her birth parents, but the search proves fruitless: they aren’t on any database, somehow managing to walk through life without leaving a trace. She has no idea of her true origins, but I’m sure all will be revealed during her travels through the fourth dimension. RTD has created some of the most beloved companions in this franchise, and he appears to have done it again!

Millie Gibson delivers an excellent performance in her debut outing, and I simply cannot wait to discuss the many high-points of her coming adventures. It’s established early in the game that Ruby is a gifted musician – playing the keyboard in her band – so I think the decision to have her hijacking the Goblin King’s theme tune was brilliant! Gibson also proves to be a talented singer, so more musical episodes, please.

She was named after Ruby Road. That’s where she was found, almost nineteen years ago. Then she was fostered by Carla, who went on to adopt her: she’s nuts, but she’s the best mum she could ever have. Ruby thinks that life’s been good, though they’ve had a mad time of it recently; her A-levels were not the best, cause her family had to leave Manchester and move down London, cause they came and looked after her gran and couldn’t afford care, and she would never move to the north, not in a million years. She’s been left a bit stranded, still waiting for her life to begin. Ruby has no problems with being called a foundling, because that’s what she is: she was found. She’s always knocking things over, chalking it up to clumsiness, but the Doctor thinks it’s something much worse.

◆ Twisted Folklore

Someone recently pointed out to me that RTD is really leaning into the fantasy elements this time round. Since we’re going up against Goblins in this festive outing, I’m inclined to agree.

The faction encountered in this episode were time riders that could “bimble” through the fourth dimension using their ramshackle ship. They would creep into the normal universe through the power of accidents, chance, and coincidence; some might call this magic, but the Doctor believed it was just a different form of physics and a new science.

Using this form of science, the Goblins would create bad luck around certain people both for fun and also as preparation for stealing babies they wanted to eat, because it apparently improved the taste. That’s why they kidnapped Lulubelle in the present day, and why they also attempted to do the same with baby Ruby on Christmas Eve 2004, causing a “cracked timeline”.

The concept of these grotesque creatures emerging from folklore is unsettling enough, but their plan is absolutely horrifying, especially if you’re a parent: can you imagine how helpless you would feel in their shoes? But instead of going down a nightmarish route – because this is a Christmas Special, when everyone watching will be fermenting from copious amounts of booze – RTD turns it into a musical! This entire episode is bizarre.

◆ Set Design & Visuals

This might very well be the most theatrical episode RTD has ever created, and it’s clear the boffins working in VFX and set design had an absolute whale of a time creating stuff like the ramshackle pirate ship floating through the clouds, and the gelatinous Goblin King himself! Once again, the show is really taking full advantage of that Disney budget.

The opening flashback to Christmas Eve 2004 is glorious, with sheets of snow falling to the ground on a cold winter’s night, making the gorgeous old church look like something straight out of a postcard.

We get several scenes where the Goblins are being absolute menaces; causing all the stage-lights to fall over when Ruby is being interviewed for Long Lost Family, and unpinning a giant snowman which nearly flattens the Doctor!

Seeing the Doctor and Rubes clinging onto a ladder in the sky for dear life is a fantastic image, made even more eye-catching when they rise above the clouds and reveal the ramshackle Goblin ship.

We finally get a proper look at the Goblins during a musical number – something RTD seems to have grown quite fond of – and they’re all baying for blood around the conveyor belt. Of course, this is where we also meet the Goblin King himself… who ironically resembles myself whenever I decide to go back for seconds during Christmas dinner!

That scene where the Goblin ship gets pulled to the ground is brutal, especially when the King gets impaled on the church spire. Then the ship just dissipates into thin air.

◆ Music

Confession time: I absolutely hated the musical number when I first watched this episode. I found it incredibly cringe-worthy and believed it would be a right royal pain in the rear to discuss in this review. Luckily for me, I spent the intervening months being introduced to the wonderful world of Hazbin Hotel and its sister show, hence why my profile picture on TARDIS Guide is a certain demon owl.

Watching that show genuinely gave me a huge appreciation for musical numbers, so I would like to revise my opinion of The Goblin Song: it’s pure camp and utterly bizarre! Christina Rotondo is a fantastic vocalist who makes the whole number come alive, and Murray Gold’s music is just soaked in melodrama. Honestly, I’m holding out hope that someone will make a genuine stageplay based around this episode, because it’s so theatrical.

◆ Conclusion

“That’s how these Goblins work. Chance and coincidence and luck.”

Was anyone else reminded of the cult-classic Labyrinth whilst watching this episode? Both plots revolve around a baby being kidnapped by Goblins, whilst featuring the odd musical number. The major difference is that instead of having David Bowie… this Goblin King is a gluttonous monstrosity who meets a grizzly end: being impaled on a church spire.

‘The Church on Ruby Road’ marks the first full appearance of our new TARDIS team. Ncuti Gatwa is definitely a powerhouse actor, bringing bundles of enthusiasm end energy to every scene he appears in. Millie Gibson puts on an amazing show, bringing a dose of northern charm to the episode. I should also point out that both these performers are talented singers, as demonstrated when they hijacked the Goblin King’s musical number.

People have been begging for the Christmas Specials to return, and we kick things off with a deranged science fantasy outing. What an amazing way to kick-off the Fifteenth Doctor’s era!

It feels like ages since Doctor Who last aired on Christmas Day, and its return to this festive slot is definitely a welcome one. The Church On Ruby Road is definitely one of the best Christmas editions. It's like an appealing mixture of Gremlins and Labyrinth, with the Goblins creating bad luck to dine on coincidence. They have to be among the show's most despicable antagonists, considering that their motives revolve around eating babies and feeding them to the Goblin King. Christina Rolando's vocals for the Goblin Song are wonderful, and the song itself is extremely catchy. Most notably, we get our first singing Doctor, and Ncuti Gatwa has a brilliant voice. I've wanted a more musical Doctor for a while, as I have always felt that Doctor Who is the kind of show where musical sequences where characters burst into song can absolutely work. It's already a bonkers show to begin with, so it doesn't require much suspension of belief.

As in The Giggle, Ncuti Gatwa impresses as the Doctor. He's absolutely fantastic, and feels instantly like the character. I especially enjoy his chemistry with Millie Gibson, who is unsurprisingly amazing as Ruby Sunday. I can see what she meant when she said they are like giggling schoolkids, and it is very endearing to watch.

Where the episode falls apart for me is with Davina McCall's segments. Davina McCall is a brilliant TV presenter, but an actor she is not. She is quite wooden here, and I'm still not a fan of the idea of Davina McCall being crushed by a Christmas Tree, which was a part of the original leak. It's too silly, even for Doctor Who. I'm intrigued by who Ruby's parents are, and who Mrs Flood is. I think both her parents and Flood must be Time Lords, as Flood knows what TARDISes are, and Ruby's parents couldn't be found on a human database. They would surely have had to have been registered on a governmental register for elections, and must have given blood at some point if they are human. In fact, could Mrs Flood and Ruby's mother be one and the same? What if she is the Rani, and Mrs Flood regenerates into a younger actor, who then goes back in time, has Ruby as a baby, and leaves her outside the church on Christmas Eve?

rewatched 14/6/24 :)

genuinely have no clue what mrs flood could have to do with anything lol. theres still hope that her and susan twist are in a beautiful lesbian relationship

(PORTED FROM TIME SCALES)

2023 Christmas Special - "The Church on Ruby Road" by Russell T. Davies

A new era. The most popular showrunner of the most iconic era in recent memory is back, we have two electric new actors on screen, there was a massive build up of hype on the Doctor Who side of twitter and what we got was more of the same illogical soulless plotting and unnatural lazy dialogue - at least in the second half. I can see where this era is going and I stand by my opinion that the revival ended in 2017 and everything after that has been a weird fever dream.

Ruby Sunday was abandoned outside a church when she was just a newborn and nineteen years later lives with her foster mother and grandmother, happy. But recently her luck has been terrible and now, on Christmas Eve, she finds the root of all her problems along with a strange man who calls himself The Doctor.

(CONTAINS SPOILERS)

I loved everything but the plot. Ncuti's acting talent is electric and Ruby seems to be an incredibly promising companion I already really like, all the bits of her living her normal life before the actual story kicked in was my absolute favourite part of the episode. The first half of the episode is great: funny, fast, charming. It all really does feel like we're back in classic RTD Doctor Who. Apart from the main cast, our side characters (the companion's family) were really well written and likable quickly, unlike previous miscellaneous parents who took a couple episodes to become interesting. The first of two musical numbers, the Goblin Song as it has been dubbed, was a really enjoyable moment of the episode even if the lyrics were bullshit. Also, I think the hinted at story arc is going to be interesting and I'd like to see where its going, hopefully it's going to be some long game, Machiavellian stuff with somebody placing Ruby in the Doctor's arms for a reason. I just hope it won't just be the Master again or some variation there of.

However, immediately following the introduction of the main plot, the entire episode falls apart. Ruby really doesn't seem to be phased by the actual existence of actual goblins, there's barely even one line of her trying to process what essentially is her entire world view being changed; she's immediately competent and capable despite just being a woman from London who definitely would have misgivings about this situation. It's also not fun to see the irrational and unbelievable dialogue from the Chibnall era has carried over. There's so many forced lines of dialogue that feel like bits of a script and not a human being saying something coming to mind, which should be how dialogue sounds. I also happen to find that the episode doesn't know how to treat itself, one second it's serious and character driven and the next it's a goofy runaround with goblins. One second you have normal illogical/logical reasoning of Doctor Who, where things that don't make sense suddenly sound absolutely reasonable within the confines of the show, and the next you have the Doctor and Ruby perfectly coming up with a musical number on the spot - a scene that is not only cringe inducing but makes absolutely no sense. Russell T. Davies seems to forget who the Doctor is. My main gripe with the Tenth Doctor - an incarnation I do adore none the less - is that he's far too human, at least at the start of his run and here, Fifteen is just an eccentric guy rather than a 3000 year old time immortal, a detail that's clearly slipped Russell's mind. How you go from Twelve's space grandad aesthetic to the Doctor dancing to rave music in a nightclub within six years is beyond me; they managed to backtrack characterisation.

5/10

Pros:
+ Great first half that juggles excellent characterisation
+ Brilliant performances from our main duo
+ Ruby Sunday feels like a companion I'm going to love, Millie Gibson plays the role perfectly and all they need to do is make her actions feel a little more natural
+ The most immediately likable companion family we've seen yet
+ Intriguing set up for a series arc
+ The Goblin Song is admittedly a great scene despite the fact RTD can't write lyrics
+ Everything outside the actual story line (the characterisation, the world buildings, the build up) was really good peak RTD

Cons:
- The second half is complete nonsense
- People don't act like actual humans, completely shrugging off life changing events with a smile and a witty comeback
- Russell T Davies completely forgot the Doctor's meant to be a 3000 year old alien and instead just wrote a quirky guy
- Complete leaps in logic, even for Doctor Who
- I can't describe how much I hate the scene where Ruby and the Doctor just come up with a musical number on the spot and then don't address the fact that that's impossible (a single throw-away line about coincidences or some bollocks would've been fine)
- The dialogue is on the nose and unrealistic
- Ruby being written out of existence for all of two scenes was unneeded and felt like padding
- The goblins (our main villains) were barely the focus of the episode and show up for basically a couple scenes
- They addressed the Timeless Child and it made me sad