“Success. My plan has worked. The strangers and their unusual caravan accompany me to Lop. Our route takes us across the Roof of the World, down to the Kashgar Valley and southeast to Tarkand. Here we join the Old Silk Road, along which the commerce and culture of a thousand years has travelled to and from Cathay. I wonder what the strangers' reaction will be when I tell them what I propose to do?”

IAN: Oh, it's enormous!

BARBARA: Look at the joins in the blocks, Ian.

IAN: Yes, no mortar. Must have been built with tremendous accuracy.

BARBARA: Yes, the Egyptians did the same thing. So did the Indians of Central and Southern America.

IAN: A precise distribution of weight, that's the key, isn't it?

BARBARA: Yes. Marvelous, isn't it?

DOCTOR: Yes, now before you two get carried away, I think we'd better go and find Susan, hmm?

BARBARA: Yes, you're quite right.

SUSAN: It's too far for you, Grandfather.

DOCTOR: Well, if it is, I shall have to give up, and I'm not going to give up before I've tried. And remember, you must think of the other two. They must be constantly reminding themselves they're only one inch high. There's only the two of us to help them.

SUSAN: All right. But you let me go first.

DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, go on.

“Hilio, the Menoptra have no wisdom for war. Before the Animus came, the flower forest covered the planet in a cocoon of peace. Our ancestors carved temples like this for resting places of our dead, but that was all the work we did. There were no other plans to make. Light was our God and we existed in light, flying above thought. Our banishment has taught us of enemies and weapons, and my captivity has taught me strategy. They tore my wings from me and I felt, as you feel, that all was lost. But if our Gods favour our survival, we must learn their lesson and use our brains and not our wings. This Earth woman we must trust, for she can show us how to exist without wings, to survive and flourish. What should we do?”

(Morton slaps the Doctor on the back)

MORTON: Hot diggety! I knew I was right. You should be wearing Police uniforms, you all is, you all is in a chase.

DOCTOR: Chase? Yes, as a matter of fact, young man, that's exactly what this is. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be getting along. It's the chase, you know?

MORTON: Sure thing, Mister! I understand. Just wait til I tell the folks back home I met some real live movie pe- (knocks on TARDIS door) Do you know Cheyenne Bodie? Look, just wait a minute, I want to get this thing on celluloid.

(The TARDIS dematerialises)

MORTON: That's real clever, how they done that. Sure if it don't beat all.

BARBARA: What's that awful noise?

DOCTOR: I beg your pardon? awful noise? That's no way to talk about my singing!

BARBARA: No, Doctor, not that awful noise, the other one. Listen to it!

VICKI: Doctor? He says the TARDIS isn't a time machine.

DOCTOR: Oh, does he now?

VICKI: Tell him.

DOCTOR: I don't see why I should, my child. He'll learn soon enough.

STEVEN: Look, Doctor, I've seen some spaceships in my time, admittedly nothing like this. Well, what does this do?

DOCTOR: That is the dematerialising control and that, over yonder, is the horizontal hold. Up there is the scanner, those are the doors, that is a chair with a panda on it. Sheer poetry, dear boy. Now please stop bothering me.

STEVEN: All women?

MAAGA: Women?

DOCTOR: Yes, feminine. Ah, female.

MAAGA: Oh, we have a small number of men, as many as we need. The rest we kill. They consume valuable food and fulfill no particular function.

* (Maaga indicates the two Drahvins)*

MAAGA: And these are not what you would call human. They are cultivated in test tubes. We have very good scientists. I am a living being. They are products, and inferior products. Grown for a purpose and capable of nothing more.

STEVEN: Grown for what purpose?

MAAGA: To fight. To kill.

MALPHA: This is indeed an historic moment in the history of the universe. We six from the outer galaxies, joining with the power from the solar system, the Daleks! The seven of us represent the greatest war force ever assembled. Conquest is assured! Mars! Venus! Jupiter! The moon colonies!

BLACK: They will all fall before our might. But the first of them will be Earth!

ZENTOS: Doctor, for the fact that I mistrusted you, misjudged you, I'm sorry.

DOCTOR: Remember your journey is very important, young man, therefore you must travel with understanding as well as hope. Goodbye, Zentos.

ZENTOS: Goodbye Doctor.

DOCTOR: Oh, my dear Dodo, my dear Dodo. You know you're fast becoming a prey to every cliche-ridden convention in the American West. And it's high time we left. Now, come along.

STEVEN: Thank goodness for that.

DODO: What are my instructions?

(The machine makes some groaning noises and then finally produces coherent sounds.)

WOTAN: Doctor Who is required. Bring him here.

KRAIL: You must come and live with us.

POLLY: But we cannot live with you. You're, you're different. You've got no feelings.

KRAIL: Feelings? I do not understand that word.

DOCTOR: Emotions. Love, pride, hate, fear. Have you no emotions, sir?

KRAIL: Come to Mondas and you will have no need of emotions. You will become like us.

POLLY: Like you?

KRAIL: We have freedom from disease, protection against heat and cold, true mastery. Do you prefer to die in misery?

“The voices tell me what to do.”

KLIEG: It's you. Over to that wall, all of you. All of you! Now.

DOCTOR: Yes, as you say, such a combination between intelligence and power would make you formidable indeed. Why you'd be commander of the universe with your brilliance! It makes the imagination reel with the possibilities!

KLIEG: Why, Doctor, if I had only known you shared my imagination, you might even have worked for me.

DOCTOR: Perhaps it's not too late?

JAMIE: Doctor!

DOCTOR: No, Jamie, don't you see?

(The Cybermen are waking but Klieg has his back to them.)

DOCTOR: Don't you see what this is going to all mean to all the people who come to serve Klieg the All Powerful? Why, no country, no person would dare to have a single thought that was not your own. Eric Klieg's own conception of the, of the way of life!

KLIEG: Brilliant! Yes, yes, you're right. Master of the world.

DOCTOR: Well now I know you're mad. I just wanted to make sure.

DOCTOR: Now, this won't take a minute. I just want to clean it off. Be as gentle as I can. There we are. Who are these men? Why are they so determined to kill us?

ASTRID: Kill you. They hate you.

DOCTOR: Me? I'm the nicest possible person.

DOCTOR: Oh, it's all right. You can relax. The electricity is off.

JAMIE: What was all that about?

DOCTOR: If there had been a current running through these rails, you'd have been fried!

JAMIE: Hey?

DOCTOR: Electrified. Brunched! Burnt up! Now, come along. It's safe now, I think, but we'd better be careful. Follow me.

DOCTOR: What's the matter, Victoria?

PRICE: She can't scream, sir.

DOCTOR: Oh no! Oh Victoria, that's ridiculous.

VICTORIA: Jamie, you can't scream just like that!

DOCTOR: Everything depends upon you screaming.

(Victoria screams.)

DOCTOR: There you are. I knew you could.

JAMIE: Doctor, come on, will ye? The whole place is going to blow up.

DOCTOR: Oh, it's quite all right, Jamie. The planet is quite safe. There's just going to be a localised volcanic eruption. It'll only affect the island.

JAMIE: Maybe so, but we happen to be on the island.

DOCTOR: Oh, my word!

DOCTOR: Which way, do you think?

ZOE: To the right.

DOCTOR: They both look equally unattractive to me.

ZOE: But it must be to the right. I've been working it out as we went along.

JAMIE: Doctor.

DOCTOR: Shush. How?

ZOE: Well, as soon as we avoided the dead ends, it soon fell into a clear pattern. One left, two right, three left, four right and so on. It's a simple arithmetic progression.

JAMIE: Yes, but Doctor.

DOCTOR: Shush, Jamie.

DOCTOR: What it is to have an arithmetical brain. What do you want?

JAMIE: The thread's run out. Now, should we not go back?

DOCTOR: No, you stay here.

JAMIE: Ah.

DOCTOR: And Zoe and I will explore a little further. There must be another way out of this maze and I mean to find it.

“Excellent.”

WATKINS: Vaughn, obviously I can't choose but to work for you. If I refuse, you'll torture me or kill me. I know I can't stand up to torture, and I don't want to die. You're an evil man, Vaughn. You're sadistic. You're a megalomaniac. You're insane. I pity you, but if I get half a chance, I'll kill you.

VAUGHN: Kill me? Would you? Give me your gun, Packer.

( Packer gives Vaughn his pistol. Vaughn points it at Watkin's head then turns it round and offers it to him.)

VAUGHN: Take it. There you are. Take it.

(Vaughn puts the gun in Watkins' hand. Gregory and Packer and the guard back away.)

VAUGHN: Now you're free to shoot me, Professor. Shoot. Shoot!

(Vaughn knocks Watkins down.)

VAUGHN: Come on, the gun's loaded, or haven't you got the courage to pull the trigger?

(Watkins gets up and fires three times, point blank, then faints. Vaughn has three smoking holes in his shirt, but is standing there laughing.)

VAUGHN: Take him away. Get work started on the machine immediately.

ISOBEL: Well, all I need is my cameras from the house and then I'm all set.

BRIGADIER: Now, wait a minute, This is hardly a job for you.

ISOBEL: Why ever not?

BRIGADIER: Well, you're a young woman. This is a job for my men.

ISOBEL: Well, of all the bigoted, anti-feminist, cretinous remarks-

BRIGADIER: This is no job for a girl like you. Now that's final.

ISOBEL: Oh, you, you, you man!

BRIGADIER: I'll get in touch with my photographic unit and get them onto it.

ISOBEL: Oh, that stupid bigoted idiotic-

JAMIE: Aye, well, he's right, you know.

ZOE: Jamie McCrimmon!

JAMIE: Well, he is.

ZOE: Just because you're a man you think that you're superior, do you?

JAMIE: Now, I didn't say that. Of course, it's true.

ZOE: Is it really? Right. Coming, Isobel?

ISOBEL: What a splendid idea.

JAMIE: Where are you going?

ZOE: Do you think we should let him come with us?

ISOBEL: Oh, I don't know. Men aren't much good in situations like this.

JAMIE: Just a moment. Where are you're going?

ISOBEL: London. Coming?

JAMIE: London? Now we shouldn't do anything without the Doctor! Och.

DOCTOR: No, of course not. We haven't come to take anything. We genuinely are interested in space travel. Why, especially a thing like this. This is superb.

ELDRED: Yes, magnificent. It was to have been the vehicle to take man beyond the moon. T-Mat put an end to all that.

DOCTOR: You mean this model's been abandoned? But it's speed and stability concept alone, it's a tremendous advance in rocket design.

ELDRED: Exactly! Exactly! Here, let me show it to you. Let me show it to you.

(Eldred puts down his gun and helps the Doctor with the ion jet rocket model.)

DOCTOR: I'll give you an hand, here we are. Oh yes, this is superb. My word.

ELDRED: And the secret, the real breakthrough, was a compact generator of enormous power.

DOCTOR: I see. And these must be the secondary electrode accelerators.

ELDRED: Yes. You see it beat the problem of the neutral caesium ions. And incidentally, it magnified the g-thrust to fantastic proportions!

DOCTOR: That was awkward. What did you do about that?

ELDRED: Well, I'll show you. Come with me, I'll show you. Look.

(Eldred and the Doctor go to the back of the room.)

DOCTOR: What have we go here? Ah, blueprints!

JAMIE: Look at them, like a couple of kids.

ZOE: Yes. You can tell he's almost in love with that rocket.

JAMIE: Shush!

ELDRED: That's not surprising. I designed it. I've been in rocketry all my life. My father engineered the first lunar passenger module, and I travelled on the last trip back to Earth. Before it all finished.

ZOE: Before all what finished?

ELDRED: Space travel.

“No! Stop, you're making me giddy! No, you can't do this to me! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!”

AXON MAN [on monitor]: All things must die, Doctor. Mankind, this planet, Axos merely hastens the process.

DOCTOR: Oh? How?

AXON MAN [on monitor]: Axonite is simply bait for human greed. Because of this greed, Axonite will soon spread across the entire planet and then the nutrition cycle will begin.

DOCTOR: Indeed, and what then?

AXON MAN [on monitor]: Slowly we will consume every particle of energy, every last cell of living matter. Earth will be sucked dry!

“No. No, I'm afraid not. No, obviously the Time Lords have programmed the TARDIS always to return to Earth. It seems that I'm some kind of a galactic yo-yo!”

DOCTOR: You don't really think that our appearance on the planet of Peladon at this precise crisis in their history was just coincidence, do you?

JO: Time Lords again.

DOCTOR: Yes, I think so.

JO: Ah, you didn't beat them after all.

DOCTOR: No, not yet, but I will, Jo. Just give me time. Still, now we've done what they wanted us to do, I suppose they'll whip us straight back to Earth.

JO: At least we get to see a real coronation before we go, eh?

DOCTOR: Yeah, that's true. You know, I haven't seen a coronation since Elizabeth the first's. Or was it Queen Victoria?

JO: Name dropper.

JO: You felt sorry for him, didn’t you. You wanted to come down here and see that was all right.

DOCTOR: Well, he used to be a friend of mine once. A very good friend. In fact, you might almost say we were at school together.

JO: How long’s he going to be here?

DOCTOR: Forever, I should think.

DOCTOR: That's calmed her down a bit. She's very temperamental when she's roused, isn't she.

JO: You know, I never know whether you're joking or not, I, Ow. Oh, I think I've bruised my tailbone.

DOCTOR: Sorry about your coccyx, Jo, but these little things are sent to try us.

JO: My what?

DOCTOR: Coccyx. Your tailbone.

MASTER [on scanner]: I'm sorry about your coccyx too, Miss Grant. How very sociable of you both to drop in.

JO: Who is he and how did he get in here?

THIRD DOCTOR: Well it's a bit difficult to explain, Jo.

JO: He's not one of them, is he?

THIRD DOCTOR:: Well, not so much one of them as one of us. One of me to be precise.

SECOND DOCTOR: Oh no, no, no, no. I'm sorry, my dear, I hate to be contrary but I can see he's a little bit confused, poor old chap, and I do feel you should have the correct explanation. You don't mind, do you.

THIRD DOCTOR:: Yes.

SECOND DOCTOR: I didn't think you would. You see, Jo. I may call you Jo, mayn't I? You see, he is one of me.

JO: Oh, I see. You're both Time Lords.

SECOND DOCTOR: Well quite. Well, not quite.

JO: Oh.

SECOND DOCTOR: Not, not just Time Lords. We're the same Time Lord.

THIRD DOCTOR:: Now please, you're only confusing my assistant. Jo, it's all quite simple. I am he and he is me.

JO: "And we are all together, goo goo ga joob?"

JO: Chickens!

DOCTOR: Greetings!

DOCTOR: All right, all right, all right, all right. We're friends.

JO: Try clucking.

DOCTOR: Jo, when you've travelled as much as I have, you'll learn never to judge by appearances. These creatures may look like chickens, but for all we know, they're the intelligent life form on this planet.

JO: They not only look like chickens, they are chickens. And what about this?

(The box underneath the chickens has a place name stenciled across it.)

DOCTOR: Singapore.

JO: The Acteon galaxy, you said, Doctor?

DOCTOR: Oh, Jo, do come on.

JO: A mind probe?

DOCTOR: Oh, you don't want to worry about those things, Jo. As long as you tell them the truth, they can't do you any harm.

JO: They can't?

DOCTOR: No, of course not. Well, they're only sort of computers with a few extra knobs on. And you know how stupid computers can be, don't you? Now come and sit down, stop worrying. Come on. Sit down. Did I ever tell you the story about how I was once captured by the Medusoids?

JO: What are they?

DOCTOR: Medusoids? How can I describe them to you? Well, they're a sort of hairy jellyfish with claws, teeth and a leg.

JO: Erk!

DOCTOR: Anyway, they put me under one of these mind probes things, you see, and tried to get me to tell them where I was going. So, I said I was on my way to meet a giant rabbit, a pink elephant and a purple horse with yellow spots.

JO: What happened?

DOCTOR: Well, the poor old machine just couldn't believe it, had a nervous breakdown.

JO: And then what happened?

DOCTOR: Well, they put me under another one of these mind probe things and the same thing happened.

JO: But you weren't telling the truth. I mean, you weren't really going to meet a giant rabbit, a pink elephant and a, what was it?

DOCTOR: A purple horse with yellow spots. Yes, I was. You see, they were all delegates for the third Intergalactic Peace Conference.

JO: How did you get away from these things?

DOCTOR: Well they had to turn me loose eventually.

JO: Why?

DOCTOR: They ran out of mind probes.

GOVERNOR: I'm releasing you into the custody of this Commissioner. He will fly you back to Sirius 4 to stand trial.

DOCTOR: And may I ask what I'm supposed to have done there?

MASTER: Defrauding the Sirius 4 Dominion Bank, evasion of planetary income tax. Assault and battery committed upon the person of a Sirius 4 police official. Taking a spaceship without authority and piloting the said spaceship without payment of tax and insurance. Landing the said spaceship on an unauthorised area of Sirius 3. Need I go on?

DOCTOR: I seem to be quite the master criminal, don't I? You don't mean to say that you really believe all this nonsense, do you, Governor? Whatever credentials that he's shown you are forged.

BOSS: Stevens, take over.

STEVENS: Doctor, believe me, we wish you no harm.

DOCTOR: Don't worry, my dear fellow. I'm having a whale of a time.

STEVENS: In the end, we all want the same thing. An ordered society, with everyone happy, well fed.

DOCTOR: Global Chemicals taking all the profits.

STEVENS: What's best for Global Chemicals is best for the world, is best for you.

DOCTOR: Such as a little touch of brainwashing?

STEVENS: Freedom from fear, freedom from pain.

DOCTOR: Freedom from freedom.

BOSS: Enough! Stevens, destroy him.

STEVENS: Guards!

DOCTOR: Now, wait. BOSS! BOSS! Now you're being illogical. If you destroy me, you'll destroy your bargaining power. After all, I'd make a good hostage, wouldn't I?

BOSS: Hmm. he's right. We shall not kill him now. We shall postpone that pleasure.

DOCTOR: Pleasure? Well, well, well. Perhaps I was wrong about you after all. That last remark was worthy of a human being.

“Yes. You know, just once I'd like to meet an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.”

DOCTOR: Davros, if you had created a virus in your laboratory, something contagious and infectious that killed on contact, a virus that would destroy all other forms of life, would you allow its use?

DAVROS: It is an interesting conjecture.

DOCTOR: Would you do it?

DAVROS: The only living thing, a microscopic organism reigning supreme. A fascinating idea.

DOCTOR: But would you do it?

DAVROS: Yes. Yes. To hold in my hand a capsule that contains such power, to know that life and death on such a scale was my choice. To know that the tiny pressure on my thumb, enough to break the glass, would end everything. Yes, I would do it! That power would set me up above the gods. And through the Daleks, I shall have that power!

DOCTOR: That gesture you did. Yes, that's the one. It's presumably to ward off evil. It's interesting because it's also the sequence for checking the seals on a Starfall Seven spacesuit. And what makes that particularly interesting is that you don't know what a Starfall Seven spacesuit is, do you.

(The Doctor holds a jelly baby under the nose of the red-haired warrior.)

DOCTOR: Now drop your weapons, or I'll kill him with this deadly jelly baby.

DOCTOR: Hello. Hello, did I startle you? Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you.

LEELA: The Evil One.

DOCTOR: Well, nobody's perfect, but that's overstating it a little. I'm the Doctor. What's your name?

LEELA: Leela.

DOCTOR: Leela. A nice name, Leela. I never met anyone called Leela. Would you like a jelly baby?

LEELA: It's true, then. They say the Evil One eats babies.

DOCTOR: You mustn't believe all they say. No, these are sweets. They're rather good. Go on, have one.

DOCTOR: Hmm, beautiful.

COLBY: Beautiful?

DOCTOR: Yes, sodium chloride. Obviously affects the conductivity, ruins the overall electrical balance and prevents control of localised disruption to the osmotic pressures.

LEELA: Salt kills it.

DOCTOR: I just said that. Probably the origin of throwing it over your shoulder. Come on.

LEELA: Doctor! Please, don't jump.

DOCTOR: Magnificent view, isn't it. How high is this building?

CORDO: A thousand metres.

DOCTOR: A thousand metres? My. Are we interrupting something?

CORDO: What would you say, Citizen?

DOCTOR: Somehow I have the impression you're thinking of killing yourself.

CORDO: It's the taxes.

DOCTOR: What?

CORDO: It's the taxes. I can't pay the taxes.

DOCTOR: Oh, the taxes. My dear old thing, all you need is a wiley accountant. Would you care for a jelly baby? Hmm? Try one.

CORDO: What?

DOCTOR: They're rather good.

LEELA: Strange. I feel fear. Why should I be frightened?

K9: There is a chemical inhibitor in the air, mistress. I have analysed it.

LEELA: What does that mean, K9?

K9: It means you feel fear because it affects the human nervous system and debilitates the will.

LEELA: You mean there's nothing to be afraid of, just something in the air?

K9: Affirmative.

LEELA: Right. Come on.

ROMANA: Newton? Who's Newton?

DOCTOR: Old Isaac? Friend of mine on Earth. He discovered gravity. Well, I say he discovered gravity. I had to give him a bit of a prod.

ROMANA: What did you do?

DOCTOR: Climbed up a tree.

ROMANA: And?

DOCTOR: Dropped an apple on his head.

ROMANA: Ah, and so he discovered gravity.

DOCTOR: No, no, he told me to clear off out of his tree. I explained it to him afterwards at dinner.

DOCTOR: Here. Look, how can I explain? Listen, Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity said

EMILIA: Said that you cannot travel in space faster than the speed of light, because the speed of light is a limiting factor. If you travelled more than a hundred and eighty thousand miles per second, you'd encounter the time distortion effect.

DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, well, he was nearly right.

EMILIA: In fact, you'd arrive at your destination before you'd left your starting point.

DOCTOR: Yes. Absurd, isn't it?

EMILIA: Oh, I don't know.

DOCTOR: I always thought it was fun, myself. I did try to explain the realities to poor old Albert, but he would insist that he knew best.

EMILIA: Oh, they're all the same, these physicists. Oh, sorry.

ROMANA: How long am I going to be tied up here?

ROHM-DUTT: Well, that depends.

ROMANA: On what?

ROHM-DUTT: On whether you cooperate. If you don't, you'll rot there. Won't take long in this climate.

ROMANA: And that doesn't bother you?

ROHM-DUTT: Young woman, I'm indifferent.

ROMANA: Emotional insulation is usually indicative of psychofugal trauma.

ROHM-DUTT: I didn't know that.

KARUNA: He was with her.

PANNA: Impossible. Was he present when you opened the box?

DOCTOR: Yes. Most enlightening.

PANNA: What's he babbling about? No male can open the Box of Jhana without being driven out of his mind. It is well known. Unless. Is he an idiot?

KARUNA: Are you an idiot?

DOCTOR: Well, I suppose I must be. I have been called one many

PANNA: Keep silent, idiot.

DOCTOR: Yes.

NYSSA: What's the matter?

TEGAN: It's only sunk in properly, what happened to me on Deva Loka.

NYSSA: What? The Doctor said nothing eventful had occurred.

TEGAN: He would. But while you were enjoying forty eight hours peaceful sleep in the delta wave augmenter, my mind was occupied. Taken over.

NYSSA: By whom?

TEGAN: More a what. Something called a Mara. It makes me shiver to think of it.

(Mace embraces the horse harnessed to the cart.)

MACE: Ah, the object of my desire.

DOCTOR: Hello!

MACE: Shush! Shush, shush, sir! Thievery is a matter of stealth, not hearty greetings.

DOCTOR: We're here to see the miller.

MACE: You are without pity, sir. Ah!

(Mace goes over to a donkey.)

TEGAN: Now what? Where are we going?

DOCTOR: To a cricket match.

TEGAN: Why?

DOCTOR: Why not?

TEGAN: Oh, great. You make it sound like a shopping list, ticking off things as you go. Aren't you forgetting something rather important? Adric is dead.

NYSSA: Tegan, please.

DOCTOR: We feel his loss as well.

TEGAN: Well, you could do more than grieve. You could go back.

NYSSA: Could you?

DOCTOR: No.

NYSSA: But surely the TARDIS is quite capable of-

TEGAN: We can change what happened if we materialise before Adric was killed.

DOCTOR: And change your own history?

TEGAN: Look, the freighter could still crash into Earth. That doesn't have to be changed. Only Adric doesn't have to be on board.

DOCTOR: Now listen to me, both of you. There are some rules that cannot be broken even with the TARDIS. Don't ever ask me to do anything like that again. You must accept that Adric is dead. His life wasn't wasted. He died trying to save others, just like his brother, Varsh. You know, Adric had a choice. This is the way he wanted it.

TEGAN: We used to fight a lot. I'll miss him.

NYSSA: So will I.

DOCTOR: And me. But he wouldn't want us to mourn unnecessarily.

NYSSA: But there would be records. A people eight hundred years ago capable of molecular engineering?

DOCTOR: Not necessarily. I suspect that when they built the Great Crystal they overlooked one vital factor. The nature of the mental energy would determine the nature of the matter created. The Great Crystal absorbed what was in their minds. The restlessness, the hatred, the greed. Absorbed it, amplified it, reflected it.

NYSSA: And created the Mara.

DOCTOR: Indeed. And in the reign of evil which followed they must have forgotten the most important thing of all, that the Mara was something they themselves had blindly brought into being.

TURLOUGH: Tegan, no!

(The Doctor floats to the surface, face down.)

TEGAN: Doctor!

TURLOUGH: There's nothing we can do.

TEGAN: We can't just leave him.

TURLOUGH: Face it, Tegan. He's drowned.

(The Doctor sinks below the surface again.)

DOCTOR: It's very interesting.

RANGE: It used to generate a basic form of energy, but we no longer have any fuel. This planet is without wood or any combustible material.

DOCTOR: What about the colony ship? Must have been brimming with gadgetry.

RANGE: Oh, systems that could rebuild a civilisation for us. Failure-proof technology.

DOCTOR: What happened to it all?

RANGE: It failed. And nothing survived the crash.

TEGAN: I'm not coming with you.

DOCTOR: I beg your pardon?

TEGAN: I'm tired of it.

DOCTOR: What's the matter?

TEGAN: A lot of good people have died today. I think I'm sick of it.

DOCTOR: You think I wanted it this way?

TEGAN: No. It's just that I don't think I can go on.

DOCTOR: You want to stay on Earth.

TEGAN: My Aunt Vanessa said, when I became an air stewardess, if you stop enjoying it, give it up.

DOCTOR: Tegan

TEGAN: It's stopped being fun, Doctor. Goodbye. Turlough.

K-MASTER: You will obey me.

PERI: No.

K-MASTER: I am the Master!

PERI: So what? I'm Perpugilliam Brown and I can shout just as loud as you can.

GOVERNOR [on screen]: And that, fellow citizens of Varos, is my vowed intention. For without justice and peace and tolerance, we have no future. I know you will all work as hard as I shall for a glorious tomorrow. Thank you for allowing me into your homes. Thank you.

ARAK: No more executions, torture, nothing.

ETTA: It's all changed. We're free.

ARAK: Are we?

ETTA: Yes.

ARAK: What shall we do?

ETTA: Dunno.

PERI: What I mean, Doctor, is I don't mind where we go so long as when we get there, we spend some time and relax.

DOCTOR: You want a holiday! Why didn't you say so before? I know the very place.

PERI: Doctor, if you're about to suggest the Eye of Orion, don't. I've heard all about that elusive place once too often. No one lives there and few visit, apart from you.

DOCTOR: Oh, but such a beautiful moonset. Ideal tonic for the weary time traveller. But, if that doesn't appeal, as I've said, there is always Andromeda.

PERI: Oh, really. And what's out there?

DOCTOR: Some of the most magical sights in the entire universe. Astral starbursts creating a myriad celestial bodies against a timeless royal blue backdrop.

PERI: Very poetic, but that's the exact description you always give of the Eye of Orion.

DOCTOR: It is?

PERI: Word for word.

DOCTOR: Does nothing please you?

DOCTOR: Hello. What are you doing here?

HERBERT: I've come to help. At least I can experience the adventure.

DOCTOR: I presume you heard what I said to Peri.

HERBERT: Oh, but she's a girl. This is work for men.

DOCTOR: Men? Men!

HERBERT: Men.

DOCTOR: Look, what I'm about to do is very dangerous. There's nothing particularly masculine about throwing your life away.

HERBERT: That's not what you said to Peri.

DOCTOR: I lied. And as I did it so badly, I'd have assumed even you would have realised.

HERBERT: I'm sorry. I simply didn't realise. I thought that

DOCTOR: You didn't think at all. That's half your problem. A characteristic you share with most of the people on your irritating planet.

PERI: Can we rest a moment? Oh, Doctor. Doctor!

YRCANOS: Open a vein. Let out the evil those devils have put into him.

PERI: Oh, it's Peri. Peri!

DOCTOR: So far up above myself on the table down below.

YRCANOS: Sorcerers. Evil demons. Soul stealers. They have my equerry Dorf in a dungeon somewhere. We must release him or die in the attempt. Were you captured by the slugs who rule this ball of mud and water?

PERI: Yes.

YRCANOS: We must find some weapons. Some of those that turn one's enemies to slime. We must kill all who stand between us and victory. We'll grind every last slug beneath our feet, yes?

PERI: Yes. Look, I just want to get out of here.

MEL: How could they? It's obscene.

DOCTOR: Not to a Vervoid.

MEL: You can't justify it. It's just-

DOCTOR: It's a matter of perspective, Mel. In your house in Pease Pottage, you had a large garden. What did you do with the plants and weeds you uprooted?

MEL: Put them on a compost heap.

DOCTOR: They're obeying instinct, like migrating birds or salmon swimming relentlessly upstream to spawn even though they may die. A compulsive following of the life cycle. Come on, Mel.

PEX: Are these old ladies annoying you?

MEL: No!

PEX: Are you annoying these old ladies?

TILDA + TABBY: No, she isn't.

PEX: Oh.

DOCTOR: Greetings.

CARETAKER: I am the Chief Caretaker.

DOCTOR: And I am-

CARETAKER: No need to tell me. I know who you are. We have been waiting for this momentous visit for so many years. You are the man who brought Paradise Towers to life. The visionary who dreamed up its pools and lifts and squares. And now you have returned to your creation. You will make all those dilapidated lifts and rise and fall as they've never done before. All signs of wallscrawl will disappear from the corridors of Paradise Towers. The floors will gleam and the windows will shine, and will be made as new. Fellow Caretakers, do you know who this is? This is the Great Architect returned to Paradise Towers. Bid him welcome. All Hail the Great Architect, all hail.

CARETAKERS: All hail the Great Architect.

DEPUTY: What shall we do with him now then, Chief?

CARETAKER: Kill him.

DOCTOR: You know, you really are very stupid for such clever people. If I were you I'd find that door and discover what's behind it. Because until you do, we're all at risk, You, Me, Mel, everybody. Are these antiques dotted around all over the building? It really is a splendid piece of auditoryarchitectatonicalmetrasyncocity.

FIRE ESCAPE: It works!

DOCTOR: I'm sure.

DOCTOR: Do you usually do what I usually do in these circumstances?

DEPUTY: What's that?

DOCTOR: Run!

DOCTOR: Oh, I can't understand it. I just can't understand it. Violence is totally alien to people on this planet.

IAN: Oh, well, people change, Doctor. New leader, different set of circumstances.

DOCTOR: No, no, no, my dear Chesterton, no. All the more reason for people on this planet to hate death and destruction. My dear boy, when I was here before, the, what, the total population amounted to, a handle of people. Merely a hundred.

IAN: Is that all?

DOCTOR: Yes, exactly. All the more reason for holding onto life. Peace, friendship, happiness. This means everything to the people here.

KANDYMAN: I beg your pardon?

DOCTOR: She's come to look at your oven.

KANDYMAN: Has she, indeed? Then she should wait to be asked. Impolite guests get to feel the back of my candy hand.

SUSAN Q: I woke up one morning.

ACE: I know that song.

SUSAN Q: There's a million blues songs start like that. But I did wake up one morning, and suddenly something was very clear. I couldn't go on smiling. Smiling while my friends disappeared, wearing this uniform and smiling and trying to pretend I'm something I'm not. Trying to pretend that I'm happy. Better to let it end. Better to just relax and let it happen. I woke up one morning and I realised it was all over.

ACE: Look, I'm sorry.

SUSAN Q: I think we'll abandon our rehearsal.

ACE: I'm not Happiness Patrol material anyway. They stand for everything I hate. Like you said, smiling all the time, smiling when it doesn't mean anything. I'm not one of them. I can't play an instrument, I can't dance, I can't sing.

SUSAN Q: No, but there is something you might be very good at.

ACE: Oh, yeah?

SUSAN Q: A disappearing act.

ACE: What do I have to do?

SUSAN Q: It's simple. I give you this key, then I close my eyes, and when I open them, you've gone.

CONDUCTOR: Any more fares?

DOCTOR: I would like a ticket, actually. I'd like a there and back off peak weekend break supersaver senior citizen bimonthly season with optional added facilities a free cup of coffee in a plastic glass a crocodile sandwich and make it snappy, you mechanic moron!

JUDSON: Ah, the sound of dying. When it comes to death, quantity is so much more satisfying than quality.

MILLINGTON: The final

JUDSON: Don't interrupt me when I'm eulogising. Where is the Time Lord?

MILLINGTON: Time Lord?

JUDSON: The one you call Doctor.

MILLINGTON: I had him shot.

JUDSON: I can see you've never been handicapped by great intelligence. For seventeen centuries I was trapped in the shadow dimensions because of him. He pulled bones from the desert sands and carved them into chess pieces. He challenged me to solve his puzzle. I failed. Now I shall see him kneel before me before I let him die.

ACE: I don't love her! She's my mum, and I don't love her! What's wrong with me? Why can't I stop hating her?

DOCTOR: You loved the baby.

ACE: But I didn't know she was my mum!

DOCTOR: Love and hate, frightening feelings, especially when they're trapped struggling beneath the surface. Don't be frightened of the water.

WAINWRIGHT: I know who you are.

PHYLLIS: You've always known us.

(Wainwright turns around.)

WAINWRIGHT: But vampires are just superstition. Why?

JEAN: We have black hearts. We were lost on the day we were born.

WAINWRIGHT: That's not true. No one is lost.

PHYLLIS: Everyone is lost.

WAINWRIGHT: No further. This is holy. It will destroy you.

PHYLLIS: Objects can't harm us. It's human belief, and you stopped believing when the bombs started falling.

WAINWRIGHT: I'm not frightened of German bombs.

JEAN: Not German bombs, British.

PHYLLIS: On German cities. British bombs killing German children.

WAINWRIGHT: No. No!

EMMA: Doctor, listen to me. You can't die, you're too, You're too nice, too brave, too kind and far, far too silly. You're like Father Christmas, the Wizard of Oz, Scooby Doo. And I love you very much. And we all need you, and you simply cannot die.

MASTER: He was the best and bravest of all my foes. From this day forward I will renounce evil and follow the path of goodness to honour my fallen foe.

DALEK: The Doctor saved the Daleks. The Daleks too will honour their mortal enemy.

EMMA: He was never cruel and never cowardly, and it'll never be safe to be scared again.

(The Master leads Emma away. Behind them, the Doctor regenerates.)

MASTER: It's impossible! Beyond all known laws of the universe.

EMMA: Maybe even the universe can't bear to be without the Doctor.

K9: Why was it necessary to provoke the tin faces?

JORJIE: Hey, I’m having fun. Are you having fun?

K9: Checking database. Modifying definition of “fun”.

MASTER: Ah, you remind me of all the others. Horrifyingly.

ALISON: What's that supposed to mean? Who are you anyway?

MASTER: I am the Master.

(A lift bell dings and the Doctor enters the console room.)

MASTER: And you will,

(The Doctor suddenly appears.)

DOCTOR: Evening.

MASTER: Come to like me, when you get to know me, my dear Miss Cheney.

DOCTOR: Get this Shalka wrapped up in one. Keep feeding it oxygen and get it over to the chemistry lab at the school.

GREAVES: Whatever he's planning to do to you, fella, I wouldn't be in your, whatever you do for shoes.

DOCTOR: Don't bully it.

KENNET: You heard the man, Greaves, don't bully the monster.

“Why did I choose continuing existence? Listening to him being right all the time, when I had the option of a slow, painful death.”

DOCTOR: Think of it, plastic all over the world, every artificial thing waiting to come alive. The shop window dummies, the phones, the wires, the cables—

ROSE: The breast implants.

ROSE: So all the people on Earth are like, slaves.

EDITOR: Well, now, there’s an interesting point. Is a slave a slave if he doesn’t know he’s enslaved?

DOCTOR: Yes.

EDITOR: Oh. I was hoping for a philosophical debate. Is that all I’m going to get? Yes?

DOCTOR: Yes.

EDITOR: You’re no fun.

DOCTOR: But between you and me, I haven't got a plan. No idea. No way out.

ROSE: You'll think of something.

DOCTOR: The entire Earth's been sterilised. This, and other place like it, are all that's left of the human race. We might hold out for a while, but nothing can stop those creatures. They'll get through in the end. The walls aren't that old. And there's nothing I can do to stop them. There used to be laws stopping this kind of thing from happening. My people would have stopped this. But they're all gone. And now I'm going the same way.

ROSE: If I'd realised.

DOCTOR: Just tell me you're sorry.

ROSE: I am. I'm sorry.

(The Doctor rides a scooter out of the TARDIS. He's wearing a white crash helmet and shades. He's a Mod, all right.)

DOCTOR: You going my way, doll?

ROSE: Is there any other way to go, daddy-o? Straight from the fridge, man.

DOCTOR: Hey, you speak the lingo.

ROSE: Oh well, me, mum, Cliff Richard movies every Bank Holiday Monday.

(She gets on the pillion and puts on a pink crash helmet.)

DOCTOR: Ah, Cliff. I knew your mother'd be a Cliff fan.

(They ride off down the street.)

ELTON [on camera]: I should say, this isn't, you know, my whole life. It's not all spaceships and stuff, because I'm into all sorts of things. I like football. I like a drink. I like Spain. And if there's one thing I really, really love, Jeff Lynne and the Electric Light Orchestra. Because you can't beat a bit of ELO.

(Elton bopping to Mr Blue Sky.)

URSULA: At least I'll never age. And it really is quite peaceful, you'd be surprised.

ELTON: It's a relationship, of sorts, but we manage. We've even got a bit of a love life.

URSULA: Oh, let's not go into that.

MARTHA: That happened to me this morning.

MORGENSTERN: I had the same thing on the door handle.

SWALES: And me, on the lift.

STOKER: That's only to be expected. There's a thunderstorm moving in and lightning is a form of static electricity, as was first proven by. Anyone?

DOCTOR: Benjamin Franklin.

STOKER: Correct.

DOCTOR: My mate, Ben. That was a day and a half. I got rope burns off that kite, and then I got soaked..

STOKER: Quite.

DOCTOR: And then I got electrocuted.

STOKER: Moving on. I think perhaps a visit from psychiatric...

MARTHA: Expelliarmus!

DOCTOR: Expelliarmus!

SHAKESPEARE: Expelliarmus!

DOCTOR: Good old JK!

(The Carrionites scream.)

LILITH: The deep darkness! They are consumed!

(Tallulah steps out from behind a rack and points a revolver at them.)

TALLULAH: All right, then. Put them up. Hands in the air and no funny business. Now tell me, you schmucks, what have you done with Laszlo?

MARTHA: Who's Laszlo?

(Tallulah still has the revolver.)

TALLULAH: Laszlo's my boyfriend. Or was my boyfriend until he disappeared two weeks ago. No letter, no goodbye, no nothing. And I'm not stupid. I know some guys are just pigs but not my Laszlo. I mean, what kind of guy asks you to meet his mother before he vamooses?

DOCTOR: Yeah. It might, might just help if you put that down.

TALLULAH: Huh? Oh, sure. Oh, come on. It's not real. It's just a prop. It was either that or a spear.

SOLOMON: Right. See, I've just discovered this past day, God's universe is a thousand times the size I thought it was. And that scares me. Oh yeah, terrifies me right down to the bone. But surely it's got to give me hope. Hope that maybe together we can make a better tomorrow. So, I beg you now, if you have any compassion in your hearts, then you'll meet with us and stop this fight. Well? What do you say?

DALEK 3: Exterminate.

“He didn't just make himself human. He made himself an idiot.”

MARTHA: Excuse me. Hey, what was your name? Creet.

CREET: That's right, miss.

MARTHA: Who are you with, Creet? You got family?

CREET: No, miss. There's just me.

MARTHA: Well, good luck. What do you think it's going to be like in Utopia?

CREET: My mum used to say the skies are made of diamonds.

MARTHA: Good for her. Go on, off you go. Get your seat.

YANA: Time and time and time again. Always running out on me.

MARTHA: Can I have a look at that?

YANA: Oh, it's only an old relic. Like me.

MARTHA: Where did you get it?

YANA: Hmm? I was found with it.

MARTHA: What do you mean?

YANA: An orphan in the storm. I was a naked child found on the coast of the Silver Devastation. Abandoned, with only this.

MARTHA: Have you opened it?

YANA: Why would I? It's broken.

MARTHA: How do you know it's broken if you've never opened it?

YANA: It's stuck. It's old. It's not meant to be. I don't know.

(Wilf is packing up for the night when he sees the TARDIS flying nearby.)

WILF: There! Donna, it's, it's the flying blue box!

(He looks through his telescope and sees Donna waving from the TARDIS door.)

WILF: What? That's Donna. Yeah, that's Donna.

(The Doctor waves, too.)

WILF: And that's him. That's him. Hey, that's him! Ha, ha, ha! Go on, gal! Go on, get up there! Hey!

DOCTOR: What are you holding? Show me. Friend. Doctor, Donna. Friend. Let me see. Look at me. Let me see. That's it. That's it, go on. Go on.

(The Ood opens his hands. He is holding a small brain.)

DONNA: Is that?

DOCTOR: It's a brain. A hind brain. The Ood are born with a secondary brain. Like the amygdala in humans, it processes memory and emotions. You get rid of that, you wouldn't be Donna any more. You'd be like an Ood. A processed Ood.

DONNA: So the company cuts off their brains?

DOCTOR: And they stitch on the translator.

DONNA: Like a lobotomy. I spent all that time looking for you, Doctor, because I thought it was so wonderful out here. I want to go home.

DONNA: Doctor.

DOCTOR: Oh, just in time. Come on, come on, we're going to the country. Fresh air and geniuses, what more could you ask?

DONNA: I'm not coming with you. I've been thinking. I'm sorry. I'm going home.

DOCTOR: Really?

DONNA: I've got to.

DOCTOR: Oh, if that's what you want. I mean, it's a bit soon. I had so many places I had wanted to take you. The Fifteenth Broken Moon of the Medusa Cascade, the Lightning Skies of Cotter Palluni's World, Diamond Coral Reefs of Kataa Flo Ko. Thank you. Thank you, Donna Noble, it's been brilliant. You've, you've saved my life in so many ways. You're, (penny drops) you're just popping home for a visit, that's what you mean.

DONNA: You dumbo.

DOCTOR: And then you're coming back.

DONNA: Know what you are? A great big outer space dunce.

DOCTOR: Yeah.

WILF: I won't tell her. Best not. Just keep it as our little secret, eh?

DONNA: Yeah.

WILF: And you go with him, that wonderful Doctor. You go and see the stars, and then bring a bit of them back for your old Gramps.

DONNA: Love you.

DONNA: Not what you'd call a natural parent, are you?

DOCTOR: They stole a tissue sample at gunpoint and processed it. It's not what I call natural parenting.

DONNA: Rubbish. My friend Nerys fathered twins with a turkey baster. Don't bother her.

DOCTOR: See? Compressed information. Tons of it. That is the history of London, 1066 to the present day. This is like a disc, a Cyberdisc. But why would the Cybermen need something so simple? They've got to be wireless. Unless, they're in the wrong century. They haven't got much power. They need plain old basic infostamps to update themselves. Are you all right?

NEXT DOCTOR: I'm fine.

DOCTOR: No, what is it? What's wrong?

NEXT DOCTOR: I've seen one of these before. I was holding this device the night I lost my mind. The night I regenerated. The Cybermen, they made me change. My mind, my face, my whole self. And you were there. Who are you?

DOCTOR: A friend. I swear.

NEXT DOCTOR: Then I beg you, John. Help me.

DOCTOR: Ah. Two words I never refuse. But it's not a conversation for a dead man's house. It'll make more sense if we go back to the TARDIS. Your TARDIS. Hold on. I just need to do a little final check. Won't take a tick. There's one more thing I cannot figure. If this room's got infostamps, then maybe, just maybe, it's got something that needs infostamping.

BARCLAY: Hold on a minute. I saw you, mate. You had that thing, that machine. Did you make this happen?

DOCTOR: Oh, humans on buses, always blaming me. Look, look, if you must know, I was tracking a hole in the fabric of reality. Call it a hobby. But it was a tiny little hole. No danger to anyone. Suddenly it gets big, and we drive right through it.

STARKEY: Hey!

CCPC: You’ll be spending the next six months in a virtual reality detention facility.

STARKEY: What? No, it wasn’t me!

DARIUS: Take him.

STARKEY: It was the giant slime-puking alien lizards. Ask the flying robot dog.

CCPC: That’s what they all say. Come along.

STARKEY: We can’t just lie here and let it suck our brains out!

GRYFFEN: Is that what it wants?

STARKEY: Yes!

GRYFFEN: I need my brain! For thinking!

K9: What is the purpose of that device?

STARKEY: You hop on, then you go round and round.

K9: And?

STARKEY: That’s it. It’s fun.

K9: Fun and pointless have the same meaning?

CCPC: Hello.

K9: Officers.

CCPC: What do you want?

K9: Picnic-goers disregarding the law.

CCPC: That’s scandalous.

K9: Follow me.

“Newton’s eyebrows!”

“Hey, who turned the lights off?”

STARKEY: Well, how can we stop it?

GRYFFEN: I have no idea. But, in the meantime, this should counteract its effects. Tinfoil hats all round!

JORJIE: Oh, you can’t be serious.

GRYFFEN: Why not?

JORJIE: Because we’ll all look like complete clowns.

K9: Back off, buster!

NEHETKA: By the twin suns of Anubis! The almighty K9! Can it really be you?

K9: Affirmative.

GEB: Affirmative! It speaks the ancient word of affirmation!

(The two Anubians get to their knees.)

NEHETKA: Oh, glorious day! Our Great Liberator has returned!

NEHETKA AND GEB: All hail the mighty K9! All hail the Great Liberator!

STARKEY: Friends of yours?

STARKEY: Ah, great. Here’s trouble.

CCPC: Where are you off to, sunshine?

STARKEY: You have no right to interrogate a citizen when…

K9: We’re going fishing.

CCPC: Fishing? What’s this fishing?

K9: A human pastime of monumental stupidity. They put a line in the water and wait for a fish to bite it.

CCPC: I don’t get it.

K9: You and me both, brother.

CCPC: Humans. When will they learn?

DARIUS: Look, prof! I know you’ve got all sorts of degrees and stuff but I just don’t buy that the weather out there is music!

GRYFFEN: Darius, please pay attention! A meteorological event and a musical one are very similar! The rarefaction and condensation of air!

DARIUS: So, if I built a humongous speaker and hooked my guitar up to it, I could unleash a typhoon of sound!?

K9: Now you’re getting it.

DARIUS: Wicked!

AMY: One little girl crying. So?

DOCTOR: Crying silently. I mean, children cry because they want attention, because they're hurt or afraid. But when they cry silently, it's because they just can't stop. Any parent knows that.

AMY: Are you a parent?

DOCTOR: Hundreds of parents walking past who spot her and not one of them's asking her what's wrong, which means they already know, and it's something they don't talk about. Secrets. They're not helping her, so it's something they're afraid of. Shadows, whatever they're afraid of, it's nowhere to be seen, which means it's everywhere. Police state.

NABILE: Danger. This is a warning. A warning to the whole world. You're looking for wifi. Sometimes you see something.

(He holds up a card with seven strange symbols.)

NABILE: A bit like this. Don't click it. Do not click it. Once you've clicked it, they're in your computer.

(A whole slew of weird symbols in the available connections list.)

NABILE: They can see you. And they can see you, they might choose you. And if they do, you die. For twenty four hours, you're dead. For a while. People's souls are being uploaded to the internet. And some people get stuck. Their minds, their souls, in the wifi. Like echoes, like ghosts. Sometimes you can hear their screams on the radio, on the telly, on the net. This is real. This is not a hoax.

MAN 2 [on screen]: I don't know where I am.

NABILE: Or a joke.

(A Japanese woman on a laptop screen.)

NABILE: Or a story.

MAN 3 [on screen]: I don't know where I am.

NABILE: This is real, and I know that, because I don't know where I am. Please, please, if you can hear me, if you can hear me, I don't know where I am.

CLARA: Looks like a Japanese restaurant. Oh! Have you brought me to a space restaurant?

DOCTOR [OC]: People never do that, you know?

CLARA: Do what?

DOCTOR: They never put the word space in front of something just because everything's all sort of hi-tech and future-y. It's never space restaurant or space champagne or space, you know, hat. It's just restaurant, champagne or hat.

(The soldiers follow them as they walk.)

DOCTOR: Even if this was a restaurant-

CLARA: What about spacesuit?

DOCTOR: Pedant.

DOCTOR: Why did they call him Spider-Man? Don't they like him?

YOUNG GRANT: He was bitten by a radioactive spider, and guess what happened?

DOCTOR: Radiation poisoning, I should think.

FELICITY: Do you like this music, Doctor?

DOCTOR: Reminds me of Quincy Jones. I stepped in for him once. The bassist he'd hired turned out to be a Klarj Neon Death Voc-Bot. What was worse, he couldn't play. This is very interesting.

DOCTOR: I'm not going to lie to you. This means that your insurance premiums are going to go through the roof. In fact, pretty much everything is going to go through the roof, because I'm going to blow up the lab. We just need some kind of a trigger, first.

ERICA: But what are you going to blow it up with? * (lightbulb moment)* The bacteria is making ethanol. The greenhouse and the lab are full of it!

DOCTOR: Seriously, what are you doing when this is all over?

DOCTOR: Even if that was the truth, the fact that you're suggesting it shows there's been no change, no hope, no point. We don't sacrifice people. It's wrong, because it's easy.

MISSY: You know, back in the day, I'd burn an entire city to the ground just to see the pretty shapes the smoke made. I'm sorry your plus one doesn't get a happy ending, but, like it or not, I just saved this world because I want to change.

MISSY [OC]: Your version of good is not absolute. It's vain, arrogant and sentimental. If you're waiting for me to become all that, I'm going to be here for a long time yet.

BILL: Maybe someone's been messing around with time. Like in The Terminator.

DOCTOR: The Terminator?

BILL: It's a movie. You haven't seen it?

DOCTOR: I'm a very busy man.

(He is scanning ahead with the sonic screwdriver.)

BILL: You'd like it. It's got killer robots.

DOCTOR: Ooo, I'll put it on me list.

DOCTOR: It's as if his bones have disintegrated.

NARDOLE: Ooo. What could do that?

DOCTOR: A complete and total absence of any kind of sunlight.

NARDOLE: Death by Scotland.

MASTER: That's right, you tell me. And Ace! Or should I say Dorothy? Didn't the Doctor ditch you? No? Little fallout with your Machiavellian maestro?

ACE: Last time I saw you, you were half cat.

MASTER: A man's allowed to experiment.

PAUL MCCARTNEY: (sings)

I've got a dog. He's called Fred.

My dog is alive. He's not dead.

I love my dog. He loves me too.

I haven't got a cat. Only a dog.

THE BEATLES: (sings)

My dog, my dog.

My dog, my dog.

I've got a dog.

I love my dog.

He's my dog.

He's not your dog.

If you want a dog, get your own.

JOHN LENNON: What for? I'm no good at anything.

DOCTOR: But, Paul, see, when it's just you on your own, don't you think that there must be better songs? Songs that lift you? And devastate you? And make you soar? Songs that are tucked away somewhere in secret, in the back of your mind?

PAUL MCCARTNEY: How do you know that?

JOHN LENNON: I just want to go home. Forget this life. Just have my tea and go to bed with a woman of my own, you know. That's all I want. But then why do I wake up crying?

PAUL MCCARTNEY: It's like sometimes, late at night, I get this thought, like, it's so far away, but it's a note. A single note. And then a second, and a third and fourth and fifth. And you put them together and it feels like the most holy thing on this Earth. Like a G, then an E. Then a G maybe twice. Then C. And if you put words to it, words right from your heart... (sings) I love you so much...

Lindy Pepper-Bean: I thought this was the worst day of my life, but maybe it's the best.

Ricky September: There are still thousands of people being eaten alive.

Lindy Pepper-Bean: Yeah, but...