NYSSA: Where are we?

DOCTOR: Somewhere above Hyde Park. The view should be spectacular.

(He turns on the scanner. Oops.)

TEGAN: That’s not Hyde Park, that’s Heathrow Airport!

DOCTOR: You’re right.

(The Doctor turns off the scanner.)

TEGAN: Well, I never thought I’d say this, but let’s get out of here!

ANDREWS: Are you responsible for this box, sir?

DOCTOR: Well, I try to be.

EVELYN: What are you up to that's made you skip breakfast?

DOCTOR: Hmm? Oh er, just a few systems upgrades. Certain functions have been neglected over the years, disconnected. Thought I'd take the time to do a little, oh, housekeeping.

EVELYN: That's not like you. You'll do anything to put off doing repairs. Out with it. What aren't you telling me?

DOCTOR: Well, there are some functions that were included in all Tardises from the Type Zero onwards, at the command of Rassilon himself.

EVELYN: And you've suddenly discovered the need for one of those systems.

(The Doctor is humming as he tweaks the Tardis controls. Door opens and closes.)

EVELYN: Good morning, Doctor. Good morning, Evelyn. I say, I like your new cardigan. Very fetching. Hmm. Well, I've made us some breakfast. It's nothing much, just some scrambled eggs, bacon, some toast, freshly brewed tea. Only took me a few minutes to rustle up. No bother at all. It's not as though it was your turn or anything. I keep meaning to ask you how the kitchen restocks itself. Every morning there are exactly six eggs and a fresh pint of milk in the fridge. And if I didn't know better, I'd say the bread was freshly baked too. You don't keep nipping out to the Co-Op when I'm asleep, do you? Doctor!

DOCTOR: Hmm? Oh. Oh, good morning, Evelyn. I say, I like your new cardigan. Very fetching.

EVELYN: Sometimes you amaze me.

DOCTOR: Oh, good. Because I stopped amazing myself two centuries ago. Sorry, I'm a bit distracted this morning. Ooo, tea. Lovely. Four sugars?

EVELYN: Of course. Just the way you like it.

(Drinks, smacks lips.)

DOCTOR: Some of my goofiest incarnations have been my sliest.

ROMANA: Who was it who said the world is funny to one who thinks, yet tragic to one who feels.

Doctor: Someone once told me that the difference between a traveler and a tourist is that the traveler doesn't know where he's going and the tourist doesn't know where he is.

DOCTOR: I'm the furthest thing from an authority figure you'll ever likely meet.

Archibald Spool: We collect human techs because humanity has always been good at trying to forget or destroy its past and rewrite its memories to flatter its present.

Lucie: Why did they have to die for this stupid "Protocol"?

Doctor: No, not stupid. Nothing which gives people hope, strength and courage is stupid. Protocol preserves us.

SERVO: (clear their throat)

Four two three six C B two,

Eight eight three F D zero two.

DOCTOR: Very moving.

SERVO: It's in hexadecimal machine code. It translates as: I look out to the stars and I feel my life is insignificant, but then I look again…

DOCTOR: But then I look again and I feel glad to be alive.

BONNIE: It's not fair.

DOCTOR: Oh, it's not fair! Oh, I didn't realise that it was not fair! You know what? My TARDIS doesn't work properly and I don't have my own personal tailor.

BONNIE: The things don't equate.

DOCTOR: These things have happened, Zygella, they are facts. You just want cruelty to beget cruelty. You're not superior to people who were cruel to you, you're just a whole bunch of new cruel people. A whole bunch of new cruel people being cruel to some other people, who'll end up being cruel to you. The only way anyone can live in peace is if they're prepared to forgive. Why don't you break the cycle?

BONNIE: Why should we?

DOCTOR: What is it that you actually want?

BONNIE: War.

DOCTOR: Ah, ah right! And when this war is over, when you have a homeland free from humans, what do you think it's going to be like? Do you know? Have you thought about it? Have you given it any consideration? Because you're very close to getting what you want. What's it going to be like? Paint me a picture. Are you going to live in houses? Do you want people to go to work? Will there be holidays? Oh! Will there be music? Do you think people will be allowed to play violins? Who's going to make the violins? Well? Oh, you don't actually know, do you? Because, like every other tantrumming child in history, Bonnie, you don't actually know what you want. So, let me ask you a question about this brave new world of yours. When you've killed all the bad guys, and when it's all perfect and just and fair, when you have finally got it exactly the way you want it, what are you going to do with the people like you? The troublemakers. How are you going to protect your glorious revolution from the next one?

BONNIE: We'll win.

DOCTOR: Oh, will you? Well, maybe... maybe you will win! But nobody wins for long. The wheel just keeps turning. So, come on. Break the cycle.

BONNIE: Why are you still talking?

Because I want to get you to see, and I'm almost there!

BONNIE: You know what I see, Doctor? A box. A box with everything I need. A 50% chance.

KATE: For us, too.

DOCTOR: And we're off! Fingers on buzzers! Are you feeling lucky? Are you ready to play the game? Who's going to be quickest? Who's going to be the luckiest?

KATE: This is not a game!

DOCTOR: No, it's not a game, sweetheart, and I mean that most sincerely.

BONNIE: Why are you doing this?

KATE: Yes, I'd quite like to know that, too. You set this up -- why?

DOCTOR: Because it's not a game, Kate. This is a scale model of war. Every war ever fought, right there in front of you. Because it's always the same. When you fire that first shot, no matter how right you feel, you have no idea who's going to die! You don't know whose children are going to scream and burn! How many hearts will be broken! How many lives shattered! How much blood will spill until everybody does what they were always going to have to do from the very beginning -- sit down and talk! Listen to me. Listen, I just... I just want you to think. Do you know what thinking is? It's a fancy word for changing your mind.

BONNIE: I will not change my mind.

DOCTOR: Then you will die stupid. Alternatively, you could step away from that box, you can walk right out of that door and you could stand your revolution down.

BONNIE: No! I'm not stopping this, Doctor. I started it. I will not stop it. You think they'll let me go, after what I've done?

DOCTOR: You're all the same, you screaming kids. You know that? "Look at me, I'm unforgivable." Well, here's the unforeseeable. I forgive you... after all you've done. I forgive you.

BONNIE: You don't understand. You will never understand.

DOCTOR: I don't understand? Are you kidding? Me? Of course I understand. You mean, you call this a war? This funny little thing? This is not a war! I fought in a bigger war than you will ever know. I did worse things than you could ever imagine. And when I close my eyes... I hear more screams than anyone could ever be able to count! And do you know what you do with all that pain? Shall I tell you where you put it? You hold it tight... till it burns your hand, and you say this... No one else will ever have to live like this! No one else will have to feel this pain! Not on my watch!

DOCTOR: That's war, Kalan. Whatever ideology anyone says they are fighting for, the net result is death, nothing more

SHIVANI BAJWA: Can I help you?

DOCTOR: I'm looking for my grand-daughter. She attends this school…

SHIVANI: What's her name?

DOCTOR: Susan.

SHIVANI: We have quite a few Susans. What year is she in?

DOCTOR: 1963, madam. The same as you and I and everybody -

SHIVANI: No, I meant… How old is she?

DOCTOR: Ah. She is 73 years old.

SHIVANI: (A pause) Are you…

DOCTOR: Worried?

Matteusz: You are not a fan of Halloween?

Quill: I scare people all year round. I need a day off.

Jonze: So let me tell you something about me. I'm a mix-race, pansexual, trans, non-binary person from a future that's coming whether you like it or not. And on top of that, I'm not even entirely human.

H. P. Lovecraft: Dear lord…

Jonze: That's right. I'm everything that scares you in one stylish package. And I don't have time to deal with you. I've got a planet to save and all I need from you is to do what Mrs. Clarke and I tell you — got that?

NARVIN: Never change, Leela. You are the one rock in this whole turbulent universe.

LEELA: Thank you, I think.

Doctor: Don't be so defeatist. You've got two of the finest minds ever to graduate the Academy of the Time Lords of Gallifrey. There's not a puzzle in the universe we can't solve given a little time.

Missy: Two of the finest minds? Did you ever actually graduate, Doctor? I never can remember.

Audacity: Doctor, at least try to make sense?

STEVEN: I suppose everyone thinks of the war they were in as the war.

(TARDIS crashing)

Doctor: Oh, no, no, no, no, no… Don't do that! Seriously, I get it. We're in trouble. The Cloister Bell? Come on! That's an overreaction. OK. Maybe not. Enough with the alarms already. Oh, Come on… Give me some good news. Collision course? What? Oh… This is Emergency Program… Errm… Two. No. Three. No, no, no, Two. This is definitely a Two. OK. Err… Hello, I'm the Doctor and my space-time capsule is about to crash land into your planet. Sorry for not knowing which one that is yet. I'm still trynna figure that out, which I admit does sort of add insult to injury. Basically, my ship passed a super-dimensional electromagnetic plasma field and it's fried all the flight controls. It's now in free fall through time and space and heading right for you. Now, this bit's important: There's no one to blame for this but me. So don't go thinking you've angered the gods or the other side launched a preemptive strike. This is the fault of one stupid old man who just wanted a close look at the cosmic windstorm whatever the risk to himself or others. For that, I can only apologize. To the people of the… Err… Far northern regions of the planet… Earth. Oh, great. They have to be.

AMBRIL: Now take this, for example. It dates from the middle Sumaran era and unusually is mentioned quite specifically in the Legend. Oh, there can be no doubt. The reference is to the Six Faces of Delusion. Now count. One, two, three, four, five. You will observe there are five faces, not six as the Legend would have it. Now, my point is this. I do find it quite extraordinarily difficult to take seriously a Legend that cannot even count accurately. Of course, artistically speaking, it's an entirely different matter. The piece is exquisite. An undoubted masterpiece.

DOCTOR: What is it?

AMBRIL: Hmm? Headdress.

DOCTOR: Try it on.

AMBRIL: What?

DOCTOR: Try it on.

AMBRIL: Certainly not. Whatever for?

DOCTOR: Please. I want to show you something, then I'll go and leave you in peace.

AMBRIL: Very well.

AMBRIL: Well?

DOCTOR: Now, count the faces again.

AMBRIL: Do as he says.

CHELA: One, two, three, four, five.

DOCTOR: And one makes six. The sixth Face of Delusion is the wearer's own. That was probably the idea, don't you think?