The Time Meddler

VICKI: Doctor? He says the TARDIS isn't a time machine.

DOCTOR: Oh, does he now?

VICKI: Tell him.

DOCTOR: I don't see why I should, my child. He'll learn soon enough.

STEVEN: Look, Doctor, I've seen some spaceships in my time, admittedly nothing like this. Well, what does this do?

DOCTOR: That is the dematerialising control and that, over yonder, is the horizontal hold. Up there is the scanner, those are the doors, that is a chair with a panda on it. Sheer poetry, dear boy. Now please stop bothering me.

VICKI: I shall miss them, Doctor.

DOCTOR: Who?

VICKI: Ian and Barbara.

DOCTOR: Yes, I shall miss them too. First Susan and now them.

DOCTOR: Now listen to me, young man. Sit down. Now, there are two things you can do. One, sit there until you get your breath back, and two, don't call me Doc! Now do I make myself clear?

STEVEN: Yes, yes, whatever you say, Doc-tor!

DOCTOR: What do you think of that now, eh? A Viking helmet.

STEVEN: Oh, maybe.

DOCTOR: What do you mean, maybe? What do you think it is, a space helmet for a cow?

(His TARDIS is now the size of the altar. It's no longer bigger inside than outside.)

MONK: Ah! Ah! What's he done? He's taken my dimensional control! He's ruined my time machine! I'm, I'm marooned. Marooned! In 1066. Oh, Doctor. Doctor! Doctor!

(Down on the beach, the TARDIS dematerialises. )

STEVEN: Good day. We're looking for...

MONK: Indeed, we're all searching for something. Some like myself seek it in the peace and solitude that repose behind these monastery

STEVEN: We are looking for a friend of ours!

MONK: I want to improve things.

DOCTOR: Improve things? Improve things, yes, that's good. Very good. Improve what, for instance?

MONK: Well, for instance, Harold, King Harold, I know he'd be a good king. There wouldn't be all those wars in Europe, those claims over France went on for years and years. With peace the people'd be able to better themselves. With a few hints and tips from me they'd be able to have jet airliners by 1320! Shakespeare'd be able to put Hamlet on television.

DOCTOR: He'd do what?

MONK: The play Hamlet on television.

DOCTOR: Oh, yes, quite so, yes, of course, I do know the medium.

STEVEN: Look, you gave this ship a name just now, what was it?

VICKI: TARDIS, T A R D I S. It stands for Time And Relative Dimensions In Space.

STEVEN: IDBI.

VICKI: What? IDBI?

STEVEN: I D B I.

VICKI: Yes?

STEVEN: It means I Don't Believe It.

DOCTOR: So that's it! You're a time meddler! No wonder you wanted to get rid of me. And what are you trying to get up to this time?

MONK: I'm sure you'll approve, Doctor.

DOCTOR: Are you quite mad? You know as well as I do the golden rule about space and time travelling. Never, never interfere with the course of history.

MONK: And who says so? Doctor, it's more fun my way. I can make things happen ahead of their time.

VICKI: A door!

STEVEN: Let me have a look. We can get inside.

VICKI: It's a TARDIS. The Monk's got a TARDIS!