The Heart’s Desire

Bernice Summerfield

#6.01. The Heart’s Desire ~ 6/10

◆ An Introduction

Series Six represents the end of an era: it would be the last time Gary Russell would produce for the range, until returning many years later with the ‘Epoch’ set. We’re getting off to a pretty rocky start, unfortunately, but that will happen when you ask David Bailey to write another adventure.

Did we not suffer enough after ‘The Poison Seas’?

◆ Publisher’s Summary

Christmas is a time for family, for feeling a bit sick after you've stuffed your face full of food and for forcing a smile at the musical socks that Braxiatel thought would amuse you. It's not a time for zipping halfway across the galaxy with the wafer-thin hope that you can save your home from being destroyed by a previously uncharted pulsar that's heading your way.

And that's pulsing a message in Morse Code.

Deciphering the message leads Bernice Summerfield to Marlowe's World, a place where death is irrelevant even though it lies at every corner, where the wildlife is just sooo cute – but lethal – and, most important of all, where you must be very, very careful what you wish for…

◆ Prof. Bernice Summerfield

Performances across the board are pretty atrocious in this episode, so Lisa Bowerman sticks out like a sore thumb when she’s trying her hardest.

Benny hopes that she is dealing with someone with a lot of power and influence, rather than a jumped up civil servant… but it turns out that she’s being “helped” by just some randomer! It turns out that the authorities on Marlowe’s World don’t want anything to do with her, and are convinced she’s some sort of crackpot. Benny apparently has a scowl that could dent cement. She hasn’t had much experience of crazed mobs, though the veterans convention on Mars came pretty close.

◆ Story Recap

It’s Christmas Eve, and the Braxiatel Collection is under threat of being utterly annihilated from an uncharted pulsar that’s heading right for it. Said pulsar is oddly transmitting a message in Morse Code, one which leads Benny to Marlowe’s World. She’s hoping that she may get some answers here, that there may be a thin hope that someone here can help stop the Collection becoming a smouldering wreck by Boxing Day… but calling this world odd would be an understatement.

Everything and everyone appears to be stark raving mad, and death and destruction seem to be just an everyday occurrence. Marlowe’s World is a creation, and two Eternals are playing a dangerous game. Enlightenment is on the line, and Benny has been chosen.

◆ Stage Managed Insanity

David Bailey attempts to blend mystery and comedy with the sheer absurdity of events going on in this episode, but somehow manages to fail on both counts. I would love to be shocked by this… but this is his fourth awful contribution to the ‘Bernice Summerfield’ range. I will give him some credit: this episode thankfully didn’t induce any migraines, like ‘The Poison Seas’, but even so.

Marlowe’s World was created by two Eternals, and both of them are battling for Enlightenment. They lure people in, trying to see if they’ll realise their world is a fraud; that it’s nothing more than a bit of stage managed insanity. The concept is utterly bizarre, but one that I kinda like. It definitely would’ve worked better in the confines of something like the Land of Fiction though.

Having it be just two Eternals pulling the strings feels like Bailey and Corry wanted an excuse for their nonsensical plot-lines, and for making characters with awful writing and dreadful voice acting – Lucy Beresford as Ms Topsy Turvé genuinely made me want to take a scalpel to my ears!

◆ Sound Design

Simon Robinson is honestly what holds this episode together. His soundscape is incredibly polished, and he actually breathes some much needed life into Marlowe’s World.

The rain comes down heavily onto the surface of Marlowe’s World. A hover car being rammed into an antique vehicle. Laser weaponry being fired on Benny and Hardy. A bank robbery takes place; exploding vault doors and a blaring alarm. Police sirens and the whirring of a helicopter. A grand piano smashing to the ground. Tweeting birds in the zoo, and trumpeting Zephalumphs. The twinkling sound of the Enlightenment.

◆ Music

Robinson debuted a new theme tune in this episode – a remix of the previous one that includes this haunting alien melody. It’s like someone has taken an already perfectly cooked chicken and added the perfect combination of spices on top: this owl is very happy to report that we’re stuck with this theme for at least two series.

The incidental music in ‘The Heart’s Desire’ is also really nice too, using the melody of the new theme tune as its base to create a relaxing and softer score for the episode.

◆ Conclusion

“Within a day and a half, my home will be destroyed.”

The sixth series gets off to a rocky start, unsurprisingly, when someone decided to bring back the weakest writer in the range. Looking at the silver lining for a moment, David Bailey would vanish into obscurity after this episode.

‘The Heart’s Desire’ set out to be an exciting mystery and a charming comedy… and somehow failed to be either! Honestly, the only thing holding this release together was Simon Robinson: the man did a superb job with the soundscape and music. Lisa Bowerman also delivered a far better performance than this trash deserved.