Lola

Torchwood One – Nightmares

#4.02. Lola ~ 7/10

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◆ An Introduction

Seeing BigFinish revive one of my favourite ranges filled my heart with glee, but we seem to have stumbled upon our second misfire. A new BigFinish writer should be attempting to push the boat out for their debut, not playing it safe.

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◆ Publisher’s Summary

Ianto Jones thinks something’s wrong with Torchwood. So does Yvonne Hartman. The problem is they think it's each other.

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◆ DISCLAIMER

It was only after pre-ordering ‘I Hate Mondays’ that I was made aware of the Islamophobic and transphobic rhetoric that Tracy-Ann Oberman continues to share on social media.

For this reason, I will not be purchasing any further releases featuring Oberman. I refuse to support someone with such despicable views.

I previously covered the first four sets for TimeScales, so will be porting those reviews over to this site: each of them will carry this disclaimer. They were all written prior to May 2023. Please remember not to take any of my comments in this review about Oberman’s performance – positive or negative – as condoning her frankly awful views.

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◆ Yvonne Hartman

Rochana Patel certainly understands the character of Yvonne, and even attempts to make her act differently whilst under the influence of Lola. Unfortunately, the script is rather generic.

‘Lola’ features a great performance from Tracy-Ann Oberman.

Yvonne wonders when defending the United Kingdom from extraterrestrial threats became all about paperwork. Still a good idea to keep on top of it: would be embarrassing if they were invaded because they ran out of printer ink! Yvonne knows the name of every person who has ever worked for her, and she’s adamant that Torchwood have NEVER employed a Lola. Throughout the episode, Yvonne starts acting very strangely: she even starts sobbing at one point, which is definitely out of character! It’s genuinely like she’s cracked under pressure, which just isn’t the Yvonne Hartman we know and love. Tommy describes her as being more of a snake than a Pitbull. He is quick to realise that Yvonne has been taken over by the Lola entity, because she would face a war head on rather than cowering behind a loud haler, and she always focuses on the bigger picture.

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◆ Ianto Jones

Ianto arguably receives better material than Yvonne in this episode, as he plays detective with one of the junior colleagues from Alien Acquisitions. Not the greatest script he’s ever been in, but very far from the worst.

Gareth David-Lloyd offers up a great performance in ‘Lola’.

Ianto has been given orders from Yvonne to check a strange coffee cup: strange because it shouldn’t have been there, as Torchwood have an empty desk policy as a matter of security. It’s wonderful listening to him and Kayleigh play detective with the files, trying to find out just who planted retcon in the coffee. When he realises that his memories are all jumbled up with those of his colleagues, he’s not surprised he lost himself: his head is full of other people! Ianto is only at Torchwood because Yvonne liked him, plucked him out of some grotty café. Kayleigh clearly resents that, because she actually trained hard just to get her foot in the door!

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◆ Tommy Pierce

I’ve been reasonably harsh on Rochana Patel so far, but I can’t stay mad at anyone who decides to include Tommy in their script. He gets some great material.

Timothy Bentinck delivers a fantastic performance. I also love how he describes his character in the behind-the-scenes interviews as a “lovable b***ard!”

There’s a mysterious alien capsule sat in the Torchwood storage bays, yet Tommy is being asked to drop everything for the sake of a dirty coffee cup? When he discovers he’s just been given a poncy cup of coffee, but Ianto is still pestering him, he palms him off on one of his junior researchers! If you need him, he’s busy. When you’ve worked for Torchwood as long as Tommy has, you get used to seeing the warning signs that something is going wrong. He’s stubborn and old; the pathways of his memory are well-worn tracks, which is how he managed to resist Lola for so long. Lola taps into Tommy’s fear of feeling unneeded and unwanted, all to subjugate him to her influence.

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◆ Story Recap

During one of their morning catch-ups, Ianto notices an empty coffee cup already sitting on Yvonne’s desk. It arouses his suspicion, because Torchwood have an empty desk policy as a matter of security, so yesterday’s mug should be long gone. Teaming up with Kayleigh, a junior researcher from Alien Acquisitions, Ianto discovers trace amounts of retcon in the mug: someone has wiped Yvonne’s mind!

That’s not the only strange thing happening; CCTV footage has been wiped, people are sharing memories, and there’s a strange signature on some of the stationary request papers. Just who is Lola?

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◆ The Idiocy of Torchwood Personnel

Rochana Patel makes her Torchwood debut. Realistically, the events of this script only took place because the people working in Canary Wharf are absolute morons! There’s a psychic parasite named Lola that has been trapped inside an extraterrestrial toxic waste container. So what do Torchwood do? They crack open the container, and let the parasite bring the entire Institute into its hive mind!

Yvonne, Ianto and Tommy: you’re all idiots.

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◆ Conclusion

“Ianto Jones? I’m going to need you to come with us: we have orders to detain you.”

A piece of sentient, extraterrestrial toxic waste has infiltrated the Institute; attempting to infect people with its hive mind… hang on, isn’t this just ‘The Invisible Enemy’, but without K9?

Rochana Patel makes her Torchwood debut, and it’s your generic alien infiltration storyline. The episode is fun, but there is nothing here that will make you want to revisit it.