I have very mixed feelings on this one. There were a lot of little details I liked: the soundtrack is great, the gag with the chameleon circuit is fun, Lytton's potential for redemption in new and interesting. I also appreciate the body horror and the reminder of what Cybermen actually are under all that metal; that's exactly what I'm looking for with a Cyberman story, even if it didn't do quite as much with it as I would have liked.

On the other hand, this story was terribly paced, tonally inconsistent, and poorly executed. Like with The Twin Dilemma, a few more passes with a red pen might have saved it.

This is part of a series of reviews of Doctor Who in chronological timeline order.

Previous Story: The Twin Dilemma

I am pleasantly surprised. I've heard a lot of bad regarding early Colin Baker and after The Twin Dilemma seemed to reinforce that I was half-expecting to go into this story just to point and laugh at how bad it is. What I got instead was a thrilling little action story and an excellent Cyberman story that successfully did what it's spiritual predecessor, Resurrection of the Daleks failed to do; entertain me. Because I'm not a fan of the aforementioned Dalek story, the return of Lytton didn't feel very important to me. In fact, I didn't even know who he was until they mentioned the events of Resurrection. In hindsight I appreciate his return, it makes the world of Classic Doctor Who feel more interconnected.

While I really liked Earthshock, it didn't feel that much like a Cyberman story so I'm glad that this story brings back the elements of body horror (in the best way that 80s Who can manage) that haven't been present since the early 60s. I also really like that this story addresses the events of The Tenth Planet happening in 1986. While having Colin Baker's introduction story in the previous season seemed like an odd choice, I think it helped the writers gauge audience opinions and let them tone down a lot of the things that were problematic with his last story.

I like the gags with the chameleon circuit and it feels fitting to have such a brash and arrogant Doctor think that he can fix it. If the Sixth Doctor remains this good then he'll easily be up there as one of my favourites without the need of any audio redemption. Overall, I genuinely enjoyed this one and as long as this season maintains this level of quality I'll be happy with it.

Next Story: Vengeance on Varos

Attack of the Cybermen is a perfectly fine Cyberman story that doesn't necessarily do anything showstopping-ly, but doesn’t fail egregiously either. The costumes could have done with more (or... any) budget, but the half-converted human was a fun touch. The side characters were a bit forgettable but I liked the Doctor making mistakes and suffering the consequences of his actions. Peri even gets a normal costume in part 2, which is a sign that the bar is on the floor

Attack Of The Cybermen is a story whose reputation precedes it. I've seen plenty of people hail it as a masterpiece, and an equal and opposite amount of people who treat watching it it like stepping in dog poo on the street. So what do I think?

Ehhhhhh I don't know.

Look. I like it. But I also don't? I can never make up my mind on if I like it because of the dark elements in it, or because bits of it are so hilariously strange that they classify as “so bad it's good”. Alright, let's try and make a coherent thread out of this.

For one, let's address the elephant in the room. We know Paula Moore/Woolsley didn't write it. So who did? Everyone has debated til the cows came home about whether or not it's Eric Saward, Ian Levine or John Nathan-Turner. In my mind, it's very obviously Eric Saward. For a start, it has his trademark dark storytelling, hilariously overcomplicated dialogue ('Sawardese') and things that happen purely for the sake of ✨ d r a m a ✨. This is very clearly an Eric Saward script.

This story is memorable for a couple of reasons: one, it's violent as all hell, and two, Peri's outfits. Let's start with the latter then get to the former.

As a cosplayer, Peri's outfits are iconic. They're instantly recognisable, easy to source and easy to wear. Instant classics. However, from a story point of view... yeah no, no amount of justification is going to be able to explain her costume in Part 1 of this story. With other companions you could kind of maybe see what they were trying to go for - Leela's jumps out at me in this regard given she's from a culture and a planet where her kind dress like this for ease of combat and tradition. At least that makes sense to her background and her character, I suppose. Peri, on the other hand, doesn't have much of a reason to be running around in skimpy outfits other than the infamous “for the dads” reasoning. Eugh. At least she's given a more reasonable jumpsuit in Part 2, which leads to the humorous relevation that the Cybermen must have dressed her in it given they knew Telos would be too cold for her Part 1 getup. That'll always be funny to me.

Right, so let's talk violence. Doctor Who, especially Classic Who, is known for it. And while I think a healthy dose of fighting in a Who story is a good thing, Attack Of The Cybermen kinda goes a bit overboard with it. Death after death after death. Brutal depictions of cyber-conversion. Lytton's hands being squeezed until they're bleeding rapidly as he screams in pain. The Doctor casually run-and-gunning the Cybermen in the big punchup at the end. Say what you will about the drowning scene in The Deadly Assassin, but Attack takes the notion of “Let's do violence!” and turns it up to 11. I remember reading somewhere that Attack has a higher body count than Terminator. While I'm not entirely sure how true that is, I can certainly believe it. This story is so goddamn gory, it's almost painful to watch. As I've said before, I love me a dark story, but not one that just revels in making the audience uncomfortable.

That's kinda my main problem with Attack. It doesn't know what kind of story is wants to be. Is it a “return of Lytton” adventure that explores how underhanded and shady his operations are? Is it a gruesome return to form for the Cybermen, taking them back to their macabre and experimental roots, dabbling in body horror? Is it your typical Six and Peri story where they argue and can't get along? All of these things happen, yes, but there's no through line, so to speak. What's connecting them, save for the trademark bizarre dialogue choices? Not much, if I'm honest.

As a series opener, Attack has the task of reminding our audience where we were when we left the Doctor and their companion and possibly introduce new audience members to how the show works. It fails at both of these. Is it a story that is at the very least entertaining? Yeah. Very entertaining, even funny at times. Is it also a confused and muddled mess that isn't sure what it wants to be so just throws everything at the wall and hope something sticks? Also yes.

I have to give a shoutout to Matthew Robinson's direction. The story might be all over the place, but his co-ordination with the lighting crew, cameramen and set designers is top-notch. He's made the most of an otherwise confusing mess. The actors deserve credit as well. They're really trying to make this hodgepodge work, and for the most part - I'd argue - they succeed. The music's really good, too. That's the problem, you see. The more negative thoughts and confusion about this thing cloud my judgement of the piece, which makes it really difficult for me to make a fair judgement of the piece. It's hard to know what to say about something I can't make my mind up on, and I wish I could come up with something much more conclusive to say.

Bottom-line, I'd have done it differently. That's really all I can say on the matter.

I didn't hate these two episodes.  I liked how we got to play around with the Chameleon Circuit a bit and didn't find Peri or the Doctor that insufferable.  The stuff with the Cybermen weren't great and take up a lot of the episode, but luckily with only two parts it was a short enough experience I could appreciate some of the other fun stuff we were going for with these characters like Lytton and the Cyrons.  The latter look real bad just like the Cybermen, and this era of the show just could not put together decent effects or costumes for the life of them, but it was still at least worth watching to me.

It feels like the show has been broken down into lowest common denominators: sex appeal, violence, arguments, status games and all with a garish, camp lens. It’s tonally such an odd and nauseous combination.

Travelling with The Doctor at this point in his history is a brutal and unforgiving experience. How the wonderful Peri has the energy to keep up her cheer in the face of adversity I will never know. Everything about how Colin Baker has been written and then portrayed is totally misjudged. Peri’s overtly presented “sex appeal” for the dads is effective but also tarnishes the show a little. What are we supposed to be getting out of this? Shouldn’t a family show have a non-sexualised female lead for us to idolise? Nicola Bryant smashes the role though.

The story around him is initially rather good. A bank job with the returning ruthless Lytton and his cronies at the centre of it. Any other Doctor would easily seal the deal here but Colin Baker chews his way through every scene. I had plenty to defend him with in his debut story, and there is no doubt the role hasn’t been made easy for him given the production choices made around him, but my god the guy loves over acting. He is simply not suitable for the role. It’s so strange to be in a position where you want the camera to stay off of your main character so you can enjoy the rest of the story. The first half of this story in the hands of any of the first five doctors would be much, much better.

Having said that, some of the excesses of the era are unignorable. Does every character have to argue their way through the story? Why do we have to see a Cyberman shot point blank in the face with a regular gun?

The Cybermen don’t act like Cybermen in this. They seem emotional and have more human voices than I am used to, the modulation, rather than making them sound robotic, makes them at times unintelligible. The show seems to care more about lore than characterisation, which annoyingly makes them a generic monster.

The second half of the story suffers from being by the numbers plot wise, then the Cryons give off major Sensorite energy. Not a good thing. This is a big step down from what we’re used to.