Wouldn't it be funny if people in Doctor Who were FAT. Any time they had to run we could hear in great detail about their shortness of breath. Getting a hug could be described as being enveloped by a sofa. The moment danger passes, they could turn their focus to doughnuts and chocolate cake. The villain's plan could be to give people liposuction. Oh, surely that would be great.

The very start, and bits of the last episode, are really good. It's great to hear Lalla Ward again. But everything else left me feeling really uncomfortable.

I'm really glad this story exists.

That doesn't mean I liked it - I found it interminably tedious - but the great strength of Doctor Who is the range of ideas it can cope with. Year of the Pig is certainly a novel approach to telling a story.

Unfortunately, it really didn't work for me. There's a lot of irrelevant details, and while I usually like a good dollop of worldbuilding, the first part is 76 minutes long. I had to stop and restart several times as I kept losing focus or falling asleep.

The plot is paper-thin - there's probably more sentences describing food orders than there are progressing the plot - and the central premise is simply to fantastical to keep me interested.

I really hope it finds an audience. But sadly, it's not me.

Here's the thing about Time-Flight. I will always defend the idea that the central idea is absolutely fantastic. A Concord flight goes missing, sent back along a time corridor millions of years in the past? Actual pilots trying to work the TARDIS while the Doctor is helped by a professor of hypnotism? The villain appearing to use magic, which turns out to be technology and he gets 'defeated' after only two episodes only to be revealed as a disguise (for literally no reason at all)? Great stuff.

But then things fall off a cliff. People overcome the hypnotism, then fall victim to it again, then overcome it. Characters need to get through a wall, then make it through, then need to get through the wall, then make it through, then need to get through the wall. TARDIS circuit boards get exchanged with other TARDIS circuit boards, which then get exchanged for other TARDIS circuit boards. TARDISes dematerialising then immediately rematerialising, then dematerialising, then rematerialising. Grey blobs appear then disappear then appear then disappear then appear again. It's not a time corridor we're stuck in, it's clearly a time loop.

There are still really lovely moments. Tegan working as an actual flight attendant, and experiencing Heathrow Airport, before unexpectedly getting left behind. The gradual shift in the pilots' attitudes as they come to appreciate the Doctor, his companions and the TARDIS. Any interaction with Professor Hayter.

But this can't overcome just how tedious most of the serial is. And the most irritating part of the whole serial? I'll explain later...

The Green Death is everything Doctor Who should be.

The Doctor is on excellent form, working with others - including a great working relationship with Professor Jones, when it would be so easy to write them as competitors. His relationship with the Brigadier has so much depth to it now, compared with Spearhead From Space, and really shows the value in having long-running characters. Their points of view might not be exactly aligned, but they listen to each other and show proper respect.

Jo Grant really is at the centre of the story, and there's no way you could replace her with any other companion, the way you could with so many lesser stories. Her interactions with everyone - as superbly played by Katy Manning - are supremely realistic. Things might seem a bit sudden on first watching, but isn't that a characteristic of Jo herself? Right from her first scene you could see the makings of it. And that ending...

Another great quality is how the story doesn't take itself too seriously. There is some horror with what's happening to affected characters - what great special effects! - but the story knows when to have fun too. Pertwee gets to do some great dressing-up. There some wonderful moments where the editing creates jokes in itself. Even the villain is inspired, and a true step up from similar ones seen previously.

Yes, some of the special effects are a bit rubbish - my only memory from watching a repeat of this when I was a young kid was of the really bad green-screen stuff - but when you're swept up in the story that only adds to the charm. And let's face it, it wouldn't be Classic Who with a bit of naff as well.

I'm not sure I would recommend this as a must-watch for people new to Doctor Who, as the real joy is in the relationship between the Doctor, the Brig and Jo, but my goodness it is an absolute delight.

There's some lovely ideas in this episode. It feels a lot like a Third Doctor/UNIT story (where was UNIT during all of this?), and the foundations for what would become a great show are definitely there. It's just a shame the tone is very uneven, and there is lots of overacting. Also the direction with all the weird camera movements gave me a bit of a headache, and thank goodness one particular character didn't make it to the main series.

The first page is fantastic. And then...

I couldn't tell any of the characters apart. Who was talking? Turlough? Tegan? Some nameless character the story hasn't bothered to introduce?

And to cap it all off, the villain is just annoying.

Do you know those stage productions which are deliberately artificial? Shakespeare but all lines are spoken facing the audience, that kind of thing? I think the term is the ‘distancing effect’. This story is absolutely full of it, and for me personally that was the highlight. Extremely tight camera angles on corridors; characters saying Important Things, not so much to each other but to the room; a clearly-stated Message (drugs are bad, kids!); a bewildering choice of Dutch/South African accent; the camera left on a scene just a little too long whenever K9 does something… I could go on. All this has the effect that you are watching Something Special (like Morgus’ addresses to camera in The Caves of Androzani), and the setting – two ships merged in hyperspace, a projection machine that doesn’t so much project as capture, and a decent story about drug trafficking and its effects – has potential for a fantastic episode.

On the other end of the scale, we have full-on camp. The passengers on the Empress are dressed like they’re about to go for a trip to see Niagra Falls on a gay cruise. The customs agents’ uniforms have an inexplicable glittery pattern suggesting they were borrowed Nazi uniforms from a production of Springtime for Hitler, or else they were planning to attend the local Pride parade once their mission was over. The Empress security guards look like they have never had to confront anyone in their lives, and hope never to have to – and of course they don’t die but Die, with Facial Expressions and Gestures. As I said – CAMP. Which is not uncharted territory for Doctor Who, and could also have made for a great, if less memorable, story.

The problem is, these two aspects are diametrically opposed to each other, and nothing truly meshes. The production was beset with problems, including the original director Alan Bromly being fired halfway through, and perhaps it is this which has caused the difference in styles. One minute you have a corridor chase through a ship where all the corridors look suspiciously the same; then we see vrax slowly take hold of Rigg, and the horrors that entails.

All the usual elements are there, with Tom Baker as fantastic as ever and a good supporting performance from Barry Andrews as Stott, who had been accidentally transported not so much from Eden but an episode of The Wire 25 years in the future. It’s just a shame that the serial can’t make up its mind what it wants to be.