“A hyperactive Peri. Too ghastly to contemplate.”

DOCTOR: Your Doctor is an antediluvian fogey. Allowing himself to be captured by the Sontarans. If anything happens to myself as a result of it I will never forgive himself.

PERI: Oh, I do wish you'd stop switching personal pronouns. It'd make it a lot easier to understand what you're talking about.

ACE: Master? Who's he?

DOCTOR: An evil genius. One of my oldest and deadliest of enemies.

ACE: Do you know any nice people? You know, ordinary people, not power-crazed nutters trying to take over the galaxy?

LIGHT: You are endlessly agitating, unceasingly mischievous. Will you never stop?

DOCTOR: I suppose I could. It would make a change.

“Do you feel like arguing with a can of deodorant that registers nine on the Richter scale? Run!”

PERI: And what did it mean, defence alert?

DOCTOR: (sighs) The usual. Floor trips, electronic sensors, death rays, jets of nerve gas. Nothing to worry about.

PERI: Oh, good. I was afraid it might mean something serious.

DOCTOR: Have you ever heard of the Flying Dutchman?

LEELA: No.

DOCTOR: Pity, I've often wanted to know who he was.

“Well, how do you think I feel? I'm a nine hundred year old Time Lord. Not much dignity in scrambling over a wall like a small boy into an orchard on a scrumping spree.”

“An apple a day keeps the, er... no, never mind.”

FIRST DOCTOR: There is good and there is evil. I left Gallifrey to answer a question of my own. By any analysis, evil should always win. Good is not a practical survival strategy - it requires loyalty, self-sacrifice and love. And so, why does good prevail? What keeps the balance between good and evil in this appalling universe? Is there some kind of logic? Some mysterious force?

BILL: Perhaps it's just... a bloke.

FIRST DOCTOR: A... bloke?

BILL: Yeah! Perhaps it's just some bloke, wandering around, putting everything right when it goes wrong.

FIRST DOCTOR: Well, that would be a nice story, wouldn't it?

BILL: That would be the best.

“Charley, C'Rizz, Lucie, Tamsin, Molly. Friends, companions I've known, I salute you. And Cass, I apologise. Physician, heal thyself.”

“Well, I am that mysterious adventurer in all of time and space, known only as Doctor Who. And these are my disposables, Exposition and Comic Relief.”

“But it was a childish dream that made you a doctor! You dreamt you could hold back death. Isn't that true? Don't be sad, Grace. You'll do great things.”

RIVER: You don't look much like your pictures.

DOCTOR: Well, that's an ongoing problem for me.

DOCTOR: It's my back.

RIVER: Your back?

DOCTOR: Yeah, my back's playing up. It simply refuses to carry the weight of an entirely pointless stratum of society who contribute nothing of worth to the world and crush the hopes and dreams of working people.

DOCTOR: You look, er, amazing.

RIVER: Doctor, you have no idea whether I look amazing or not.

DOCTOR: Well, you've moved your hair about, haven't you?

RIVER: Well done. It's very sweet of you to try.

“Oh, Merry Christmas, Abdul. Stop making such a fuss. Never seen a TARDIS before?”

MASTER: The title you chose: Doctor. Now, it’s not just a man of healing. It means “teacher”. It means “tutor”. Whereas I am a Master. We both want to change the universe, to make it better, it’s only the scale of our ambition separates us.

DOCTOR: What are you saying? You’d like to have been a Doctor but you didn’t have the patients?

“We go back a long, long way, the Doctor and I. We were at school together, we went out into the universe together. We’ve even killed each other a few times and that always gives you a very special bond with someone.”

RIVER: You have no idea, do you? What you mean to them?

DOCTOR: Me? I’m just passing through, I give people rides, they have fun for the most part when they’re not being captured, shot at, or blown up. But sometimes, sometimes it gets real. I find something that’s too big, too dangerous. And I care about them. I can’t risk their lives. Not them

RIVER: You love them too!

DOCTOR: I can’t afford to let people get attached.

RIVER: It’s lucky I’m here then. As an impartial observer.

DALEK: Your appearance corresponds with the Time Lord known as "The Doctor". You are the enemy of the Daleks!

DOCTOR: It's the first line on my CV. Current Employment - The Oncoming Storm.

CHARLEY: I'm alright. What was that?

DOCTOR: Something very large landing on the houses across the street.

CHARLEY: Yes, but what very large something?

DOCTOR: I shall find out using my super-Time-Lord-powers of "looking out of the window."

SEVENTH DOCTOR: Do you know, talking to yourself is often thought to be the first sign of madness?

SIXTH DOCTOR: Yes. But a little madness helps, don’t you think?

“You know, madness is the first sign of talking to yourself.”

RAM: What about football?

DOCTOR: Unbelievably boring sport. Now, darts? Darts is something worth practising for. Maths and alcoholic beverages. The best way to spend a morning.

“Oh, come on! Cheer up! It's not that hard. It's no harder than all these exams that you have to take these days. Except for Media Studies. It's going to be harder than that.”

ACE: Oh, "No coloured" signs in 1963, "Pakis out" and petrol bombs in my time - now it's the future and it's ethnic cleansing. Nothing changes, does it?

DOCTOR: Forty years ago, Harper wouldn't even have been out of the ordinary. It does change, you know. Never completely, never all at once, but it does.

ACE: But when?

DOCTOR: Are you looking for the butterfly?

ACE: What the one who beats its wings and tips the balance, so the hurricane forms? There isn't one, is there?

DOCTOR: Not often. They just tell the butterflies that to keep them happy.

ACE: I should have known.

DOCTOR: No, mostly they break the butterfly on the wheel of time. But over the decades, the millions of butterflies, the weather still changes somehow. That's time. A million, multi-coloured pieces of time.

DOCTOR: Paul Tanner, congratulations, you're today’s lucky winner. Ace, tell the man what he’s won.

ACE: A complete set of explanations from the Professor here. And you have no idea what a rare and precious thing that is.

EVELYN: You must have a name.

DOCTOR: Sometimes it seems like I must. At those times I become yet another member of the great Smith clan. Doctor John Smith, in fact. But as I am going to save your life, you can call me The Doctor. And the sooner I get started, the better.

MASTER: That's right, you tell me. And Ace! Or should I say Dorothy? Didn't the Doctor ditch you? No? Little fallout with your Machiavellian maestro?

ACE: Last time I saw you, you were half cat.

MASTER: A man's allowed to experiment.

CONDUCTOR: Any more fares?

DOCTOR: I would like a ticket, actually. I'd like a there and back off peak weekend break supersaver senior citizen bimonthly season with optional added facilities a free cup of coffee in a plastic glass a crocodile sandwich and make it snappy, you mechanic moron!

KANE: You can't build an ionic membrane from scratch.

DOCTOR: If I had crayons and half a can of Spam, I could build you from scratch.

I.M. FOREMAN: You’ve never been a woman, have you?

DOCTOR: I’m not sure I’ve ever even been a man.

LEELA: I was so alone in the world of dreams when you left… The wildlands were dark and so quiet. I… I do not wish to be alone.

ROMANA: There will be a place for you with me. For always. Whatever face I wear.

PERI: Can we rest a moment? Oh, Doctor. Doctor!

YRCANOS: Open a vein. Let out the evil those devils have put into him.

PERI: Oh, it's Peri. Peri!

DOCTOR: So far up above myself on the table down below.

YRCANOS: Sorcerers. Evil demons. Soul stealers. They have my equerry Dorf in a dungeon somewhere. We must release him or die in the attempt. Were you captured by the slugs who rule this ball of mud and water?

PERI: Yes.

YRCANOS: We must find some weapons. Some of those that turn one's enemies to slime. We must kill all who stand between us and victory. We'll grind every last slug beneath our feet, yes?

PERI: Yes. Look, I just want to get out of here.

JO: A mind probe?

DOCTOR: Oh, you don't want to worry about those things, Jo. As long as you tell them the truth, they can't do you any harm.

JO: They can't?

DOCTOR: No, of course not. Well, they're only sort of computers with a few extra knobs on. And you know how stupid computers can be, don't you? Now come and sit down, stop worrying. Come on. Sit down. Did I ever tell you the story about how I was once captured by the Medusoids?

JO: What are they?

DOCTOR: Medusoids? How can I describe them to you? Well, they're a sort of hairy jellyfish with claws, teeth and a leg.

JO: Erk!

DOCTOR: Anyway, they put me under one of these mind probes things, you see, and tried to get me to tell them where I was going. So, I said I was on my way to meet a giant rabbit, a pink elephant and a purple horse with yellow spots.

JO: What happened?

DOCTOR: Well, the poor old machine just couldn't believe it, had a nervous breakdown.

JO: And then what happened?

DOCTOR: Well, they put me under another one of these mind probe things and the same thing happened.

JO: But you weren't telling the truth. I mean, you weren't really going to meet a giant rabbit, a pink elephant and a, what was it?

DOCTOR: A purple horse with yellow spots. Yes, I was. You see, they were all delegates for the third Intergalactic Peace Conference.

JO: How did you get away from these things?

DOCTOR: Well they had to turn me loose eventually.

JO: Why?

DOCTOR: They ran out of mind probes.

“You can be a pacifist tomorrow. Today, you have to survive.”

EVELYN: Oh no. You are going to sing.

DOCTOR: Well, yes, I am.

DOCTOR: I don't suppose you've completely ignored my instructions and secretly prepared any Nitro Nine, have you?

ACE: What if I had?

DOCTOR: Naturally you wouldn't do anything so insanely dangerous as to carry it around with you, would you?

ACE: Of course not. I'm a good girl. I do what I'm told.

DOCTOR: Excellent. Blow up that vehicle.

“You've got the rest of your life. The faster you think, the slower it will pass. Concentrate. Assume you're going to survive. Always assume that. Imagine you've already survived. There's a storm room in your mind. Lock the door and think. This is my storm room. I always imagine that I'm back in my TARDIS, showing off, telling you how I escaped, making you laugh. That's what I'm doing right now. I am falling, Clara. I'm dying. And I am going to explain to you how I survived. I can't wait to hear what I say. I'm nothing without an audience.”

DOCTOR: Mr. Renk and I are going to have a very serious talk, and when I've finished with him he's going to wish he'd been born.

BENNY: I think you mean "he's going to wish he'd never been born".

DOCTOR: I know what I mean.

RUBY: But hold on. I can't call you Doctor. No, I want to know your name.

DOCTOR: Yeah, that's er... that's tricky, because I was adopted, and the planet that took me in, they were kind of... they were kind of posh. They'd use titles like the Doctor, or the Bishop, or the Rani, or the Conquistador. Say Doctor for a thousand years and it becomes my name.

POPPY: We're not meant to be like this. Did we grow up wrong?

DOCTOR: Oh, Poppy. Oh, Popsicle. Look at me. Look at me. Nobody grows up wrong. You are what you are, and that is magnificent.

“And do you want to know my secret? There's no one like me in the whole wide universe. No one like me exists, and that's true of everyone. It's not a problem, Captain Pops. It's a superpower.”

“Yeah, but I've met a million ugly bugs. I'm an ugly bug.”

BERNICE: So, do you have a girlfriend?

DOCTOR: No.

BERNICE: Boyfriend?

DOCTOR: No

BERNICE: Model Railway Set?

DOCTOR: Somewhere. The TARDIS is full of surprises.

BERNICE: But you’re not the sort of person that keeps a big table, with tiny trees and signal boxes and things?

DOCTOR: No.

BERNICE: Ah, then you must be interested in law and order.

DOCTOR: No. I like chaos. Big explosions. Rebellions. That sort of thing. Why do you ask?

BERNICE: Because I want to know why you go around in a police box!

DOCTOR: You know what one is?

BERNICE: It’s from my favourite era.

DOCTOR: I could’ve changed it ages ago. But I like the shape. And the motto. Call here for help. That’s what I do. I let the little children sleep safely at night, because I’ve searched through all the shadows and chased the baddies away. I’m what monsters have nightmares about! But everybody’s a monster sometimes. We all do things we regret. And sometimes we have to lose things very precious to us.

“Just because somebody isn't real, it doesn't mean you can't meet them.”

BRAX: I'm sorry, but, have we met?

BENNY: Yes. But perhaps not yet.

BRAX: Ah. Then this is probably going to be one of those awkward converations where we don't know what to say or, what tense not to say it in. Are we going to be friends? I'm sorry, but it's best to be sure of these things.

BENNY: Absolutely. I mean yes. We are going to be friends. You came to my wedding.

BRAX: Will I? Well, how nice. Um, Irving Braxiatel, by the way - oh, but then, of course, you know that.

BENNY: Delighted to meet you. Again. I'm Professor Bernice Summerfield. But as you're definitely going to be my friend, you can call me Benny.

DOCTOR: This world is uninhabited. Nobody lives here and – so far – nobody has ever lived here. There’s wildlife, yes, but nobody that could look up and say, “Look at those five stars over there. They remind me of that weird fish I saw in the river the other day.

RUBY: They don’t look anything like a fish. They look like a slipper.

DOCTOR: That’s something else that hasn’t happened before

RUBY: What?

DOCTOR: People arguing about what’s right in front of them. Next one of us will start a religion worshipping the Great Fish of the Stars and the other will declare themselves a follower of the Celestial Bedsock and, before we know it, the world’ll go to hell in a handbag