DOCTOR: Why do I have to sit here watching Peri getting upset while two unsavory adventurers bully a bunch of natives?

Sometimes I forget that Erimem’s a princess. She’s my friend. She tells me the dirtiest jokes, she’s saved my life more than once, she’s been there when I’ve needed a friend. How do you begin to explain how someone becomes your friend? It just happens. When you go through so much with someone the way Erimem and I have—the Doctor, too—it just kind of happens.

You know how it is. No, of course you don’t. You’re a machine. How can you? She’s a chocoholic too, did you know that? Even more than me.

Erimem and I eat together, we laugh together, we’ve been drunk together. God, we’ve been so drunk together. Like that time we downed three bottles of Denebian wine sitting outside a bar on Riga, just watching the four suns set into the sea. We didn’t talk much. We just enjoyed the time together. We’ve had the best times together. And the worst. We’ve even cried together. She’s my friend. I don’t see her as a princess. And it’s hard to think of someone as royal when you’ve seen her running barefoot along the TARDIS corridors because she’s forgotten—again—that she has to turn water faucets off and she’s worried the Doctor will find out she’s flooded her bathroom again. But sometimes, like then with the old woman, she does seem royal. No, regal is a better word. But then when you look in her eyes, you see that it’s a show. Something she does to make people feel better. I saw her do it the first time we met. She had been chased by mercenaries outside Thebes. She was terrified and looked like she was in shock, but when the Doctor drove our chariot into Thebes, she stood up and put on a performance for her people, waving like everything was fine and nothing had happened. But it’s all a show.

ERIMEM: The Doctor will always be there. And Peri. I'll always have Peri.

DOCTOR: That won't last, he's gay and she's an alien.

ROSE: I can see everything. All that is, all that was, all that ever could be.

DOCTOR: That's what I see. All the time. And doesn't it drive you mad?

ROSE: My head.

DOCTOR: Come here.

ROSE: It's killing me

DOCTOR: I think you need a Doctor.

ERIMEM: Peri, I do love you. You have been the most dearest friend I ever had. The time I've spent in the TARDIS has been the happiest of my entire life. I'm truly sorry this has to happen to both of us. Maybe in the next life I will have time to explain it to you properly.

DOCTOR: So, the year five billion, the sun expands, the Earth gets roasted.

ROSE: That was our first date.

DOCTOR: We had chips.

ROSE: Well, it could be worse. This lot said they'd give us a lift.

DOCTOR: And then what?

ROSE: I don't know. Find a planet, get a job, live a life, same as the rest of the universe.

DOCTOR: I'd have to settle down. Get a house or something. A proper house with, with doors and things. Carpets. Me, living in a house. Now that, that is terrifying.

ROSE: You'd have to get a mortgage.

DOCTOR: No.

ROSE: Oh, yes.

DOCTOR: I'm dying. That's it. I'm dying. It is all over.

ROSE: What about me? I'd have to get one, too. I don't know, could be the same one. We could both, I don't know, share. Or not, you know. Whatever. I don't know. We'll sort something out

ROSE: Everyone leaves home in the end.

DOCTOR: Not to end up stuck here.

ROSE: Yeah, but stuck with you, that's not so bad.

DOCTOR: Yeah?

ROSE: Yes.

DOCTOR: So, that's the trap. Or the test, or the final judgment, I don't know. But if I kill you, I kill her. Except that implies in this big grand scheme of Gods and Devils that she's just a victim. But I've seen a lot of this universe. I've seen fake gods and bad gods and demi-gods and would-be gods, and out of all that, out of that whole pantheon, if I believe in one thing, just one thing, I believe in her.

ROSE: You know what? They keep on trying to split us up, but they never ever will.

DOCTOR: Never say never ever.

ROSE: Nah, we'll always be okay, you and me. Don't you reckon, Doctor?

DOCTOR: There's something in the air. Something coming.

ROSE: What?

DOCTOR: A storm's approaching.

DOCTOR: I'm here.

MASTER: Doctor.

DOCTOR: Master.

MASTER: I like it when you use my name.

DOCTOR: I've been alone ever since. But not anymore. Don't you see? All we've got is each other.

MASTER: Are you asking me out on a date?

MASTER: Dying in your arms. Happy now?

DOCTOR: You're not dying. Don't be stupid. It's only a bullet. Just regenerate.

MASTER: No.

DOCTOR: One little bullet. Come on.

MASTER: I guess you don't know me so well. I refuse.

DOCTOR: Regenerate. Just regenerate. Please. Please! Just regenerate. Come on.

MASTER: And spend the rest of my life imprisoned with you?

DOCTOR: You've got to. Come on. It can't end like this. You and me, all the things we've done. Axons. Remember the Axons? And the Daleks. We're the only two left. There's no one else. Regenerate!

MASTER: How about that. I win. Will it stop, Doctor? The drumming. Will it stop?

PERI: Come on, Doctor.

DOCTOR: Sorry, Peri. I don't think I can make it.

PERI: I haven't finished with you yet! I need you to save Erimem, now come on!

DOCTOR: You betrayed me. Betrayed my trust, you betrayed our friendship, you betrayed everything that I've ever stood for. You let me down!

CLARA: Then why are you helping me?

DOCTOR: Why? Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?

MISSY: (as Maggie Smith) I am in charge.

DOCTOR: Well, who's in charge of you?

MISSY: I'm in charge of me.

DOCTOR: Well, who repairs you? Who, who maintains you?

MISSY: I am programmed for self-repair. I am maintained by my heart.

(Missy takes the Doctor's hand and places it on her bosom.)

MISSY: Is everything in order?

DOCTOR: Who maintains your heart?

MISSY: My heart is maintained by the Doctor.

DOCTOR: Why are you doing this?

MISSY: I need you to know we're not so different. I need my friend back.

CLARA: How can you and the Doctor be friends?

MISSY: Why shouldn't we be?

CLARA: You spend all your time fighting.

MISSY: Exactly.

MISSY: It's a confession dial.

CLARA: A what?

MISSY: In your terms, a will. The Last Will and Testament of the Time Lord known as the Doctor, to be delivered, according to ancient tradition, to his closest friend, on the eve of his final day.

(Clara reaches for it, and gets an electric shock.)

MISSY: Ah, ah! What are you doing?

CLARA: You said. I thought.

MISSY: No, no, no, no, no. It was delivered to me.

CLARA: You?

MISSY: Well of course it was sent to me. What have you got to do with it? I'm his friend. You're just

CLARA: I'm just what?

MISSY: See that couple over there?

(A man and a woman walk through with their dog.)

MISSY: You're the puppy.

CLARA: Since when do you care about the Doctor?

MISSY: Since always. Since the Cloister Wars. Since the night he stole the moon and the President's wife. Since he was a little girl. One of those was a lie. Can you guess which one?

CLARA: He's not your friend. You keep trying to kill him.

MISSY: He keeps trying to kill me. It's sort of our texting. We've been at it for ages.

CLARA: Mmm. Must be love.

MISSY: Oh, don't be disgusting. We're Time Lords, not animals. Try, nano-brain, to rise above the reproductive frenzy of your noisy little food chain, and contemplate friendship. A friendship older than your civilisation, and infinitely more complex.

DOCTOR: I can't change what's already happened. There are rules.

CLARA: So break them. And anyway, you owe me. You've made yourself essential to me. You've given me something else to, to be. And you can't do that and then die. It's not fair.

DOCTOR: Clara.

CLARA: No. Doctor, I don't care about your rules or your bloody survivor's guilt. If you love me in any way, you'll come back. Doctor, are you?

BENNETT: Yeah. Yeah. Except now you're going to do something about it, aren't you? Yeah, because it's getting closer to you. You change history to save yourself but not to save O'Donnell. You wouldn't save her.

DOCTOR: This isn't about saving me. I'm a dead man walking. I'm changing history to save Clara.

CLARA: So, you must have thought I was dead for a while?

DOCTOR: Yeah.

CLARA: How was that?

DOCTOR: Longest month of my life.

CLARA: It could only have been five minutes.

DOCTOR: I'll be the judge of time.