IANTO #1! IANTO NATION FOREVER! I WOULD HAVE CONVERTED TONS OF HUMANS WITH YOU, AND KEPT YOU ALIVE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!
My Reviews
captainjackenoch has submitted 50 reviews and received 25 likes
Review of Doctor Who (The TV Movie) by captainjackenoch
I have so much to say about this film.
Cinema fr.
They got him like Markiplier and the LA Gangs.
In a feminist retelling, the Doctor takes on the role of the classic who female companion - For the majority of the film, he is tied up and screaming.
Eric Roberts is banned in the UK now.
Why is The Master just Satan???
He hated. that. wig. He hated it.
Now would you stand aside before he shoots himself?
His shoes.
They fit perfectly.
This launched the audio drama cinematic universe of 8 and Charley's insane situationship that ended in them both f**king dying. Think about that. THIS movie spawned the EDAs.
This is my all time, no contest, favorite bad movie. 100 shitty wigs out of 5 possible car chases.
Review of Let’s Kill Hitler by captainjackenoch
Really impressive to create something so bad that I nearly stopped watching this show altogether. I could not watch any more of 11's run after this.
I do find calling a fictional character, who is on the side of the heroes, a worse criminal than FUCKING HITLER, to be offensive and dumb. On top of that, if left alone in a room with Hitler, I would kill him with a hammer, I can tell you that much.
They don't even kill him. I'd give this episode a -50 if this site allowed me to.
Review of The Almost People by captainjackenoch
Boring and made me look at Matt Smith's disgusting lizard face twice on the same screen. Booooooo
Review of The Pandorica Opens by captainjackenoch
Man, at least when Davies brought out all the recognizeable faces for one last parading hurrah, he managed to pull some emotional weight out of it.
Review of Flesh and Stone by captainjackenoch
This is a really great episode that shows my main issues with the 11th doctor.
Everyone talks in quips. Bad biology, even by fantastical biology standards. The Doctor is getting credit for things that are not clever, at all. The Doctor kills like 30+ living things. Moffat, circa 2010, does not understand the scope of what death is. Things are done in stupid, boring and out-of-character ways for the sake of looking cool.
Review of The Eleventh Hour by captainjackenoch
I thought this episode was boring as sin when I was a kid and 11 was my favorite doctor based on cultural osmosis alone.
This review contains spoilers
Review of Empire of Death by captainjackenoch
The entire time I was watching this, I was either half asleep or grabbing my screen and screaming CARLA IS YOUR REAL MOM, YOU IDIOT!
Ncuti carried this episode. His preformance was gorgeous and emotional, and his scenes were the best scenes.
The resolution of Ruby's mother left such a sour taste in my mouth. How do you go from Church on Ruby Road to this? How do you go from the scene where she smashes that f**king iPad to this? How do you go from Carla saying she doesn't want Ruby to find her biological mother to this?
How do you undermine a black woman raising a child and doing all of the labor to placing the title of mother on a white woman who happened to give birth as a teenager?
Unrealistic, insulting, and downright boring. Actually despise this episode.
This review contains spoilers
Review of The Legend of Ruby Sunday by captainjackenoch
Oh hey Sutekh, coo-
Why is UNIT employing children.
Review of Rogue by captainjackenoch
If Rogue isn't Jack Harkness I'll eat a shoe. Gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day <3
Review of The Devil’s Chord by captainjackenoch
If you don't like drag, you will not like this episode. Thank god I love drag and hate The Beatles.
Review of The Church on Ruby Road by captainjackenoch
I don't like Christmas stories period, but I thought it was cute. Loses a point purely for the goblin woman being the only one to sound like a human woman rather than a goblin woman.
Review of The Chimes of Midnight by captainjackenoch
She wasn't lying, those chimes really CAN midnight
Review of The Idiot’s Lantern by captainjackenoch
Another episode I consider legitimately offensive. And on top of that, it's f**king mid.
Review of The Impossible Planet by captainjackenoch
In the top 10 of 2 parters, and no contest my favorite Tennant episode(s). Atmospheric, claustrophobic, immersive, and a true sight to behold. Adore it.
Review of Love & Monsters by captainjackenoch
I think some of you guys are legitimately forgetting that this is first and foremost a show for the whole family, so it's going to look dumb and goofy sometimes. Idk I like it for what it is. Not a favorite or a classic or anything, but I liked it as a kid and I thought about the same now.
Review of Forest of the Dead by captainjackenoch
I WOULD HAVE CREATED SO MANY TIME PARADOXES WITH YOU, AND KEPT YOU ALIVE FOREVER
Review of The End of the World by captainjackenoch
One of the best episodes of this show, period, full stop.
Review of School Reunion by captainjackenoch
Warm and fuzzy nostalgia episode. It's honestly very mid, but I remember being a kid and spreading rumors that our school put Krillatine oil or whatever in the lunches.
Review of Daleks in Manhattan by captainjackenoch
I'M SORRY FOR LIKING SHITTY NEW YORK ACCENTS AND DALEK DRAMA AND ANDREW GARFIELD, IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!!!!!!!
Review of The Waters of Mars by captainjackenoch
I have a lot to say about this episode but I don't know how to be coherent so all I'll put is that I think this should have been 10's regeneration story and this may just be the best doctor who special of all time. David Tennant you will always be famous.
Review of In the Forest of the Night by captainjackenoch
W.W.W.B.D.: What Would William Blake Do? .... Probably something less forgettable.
Review of The Magician’s Apprentice by captainjackenoch
I wish Missy actually did hunt and eat Clara.
Review of Dark Water by captainjackenoch
Missy is a national treasure. The Master is a trans woman.
Review of World Enough and Time by captainjackenoch
I WOULD HAVE EATEN TONS OF CHIPS WITH YOU, AND KEPT YOU ALIVE FOREVER
Review of Oxygen by captainjackenoch
The scariest monster in all 60 years of this show. Capitalism.
Review of Extremis by captainjackenoch
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MOFFATISMS BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE POPE BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO STUPID BOOOOOOOOOOOOO
This review contains spoilers
Review of The Day of the Doctor by captainjackenoch
A few things.
I don't care that the time war happened to John Hurt, it should've happened to 8 instead. Make that dandy suffer. McGann deserves to be on screen. Can you tell I love the Eighth Doctor?
Can they PLEASE decide whether Gallifrey is blown up and dead and gone forever or alive and well? It's a whole f**kign planet. I don't think Stephen Moffat understands the scope of what a planet compared to a country is.
Pinning the blowing up and destruction of an entire planet on one guy, who is from the planet being occupied and invaded, when the invaders are, quite literally, fascist explosion genocide death machines, is.... A very interesting writing choice.
Review of Into the Dalek by captainjackenoch
I DONT CARE IF EVERY PIECE OF THIS STORY HAS BEEN DONE BEFORE I LIKED IT. I THINK THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST DALEK STORIES. PETER CAPALDI I LOVE YOU FOREVER GRANDPA
Review of Face the Raven by captainjackenoch
Can they please just decide wether Clara is alive or dead for f**k's sake man
Review of Empress of Mars by captainjackenoch
I don't care that everyone thinks they talk funny and have lego hands. I LIKE the ice warriors.
Review of The Giggle by captainjackenoch
I don't think it helped that I watched an extremely compressed version of this episode where I could see maybe 3 pixels worth of content. I did enjoy the Doctor and Donna in the Toymaker's silly little maze, however anything that takes place at that f**king new UNIT tower actually bores me to death. You could bring Paul McGann back as Zagreus and have him be combatted by 9, Jack and Rose but set it at that UNIT tower and I'd be snoring through the entire thing. However, Ncuti Gatwa is a treasure, and it's quite refreshing to see the Doctor happy.
Review of Wild Blue Yonder by captainjackenoch
OFF WE GO INTO THE WILD BLUE YONDER, CLIMBING HIGH INTO THE SUNNNN, HERE THEY COME, ZOOMING TO MEET OUR THUNDER, AT EM BOYS GIVE EM THE GUN! GIVE EM THE GUN! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Review of The Star Beast by captainjackenoch
I LOVE Rose, I really liked the Meep, DoctorDonna is always a treat, but you couldn't pay me to care about UNIT in RTD2's era. Too much exposition. Overall, it's cute! Pretty good! Not a strong opener, though.
Review of Hell Bent by captainjackenoch
I do not care about Clara Oswald. How do you follow up Heaven Sent THIS badly?!
Review of The Witch’s Familiar by captainjackenoch
Left alone in a room with him, I would've killed Davros with a hammer, I can tell you that much 🤷♂️
Review of Kill the Moon by captainjackenoch
Legitimately offensive episode. Should have never been produced.