Cancel the show

Almost unbearable cringe; it's hard to take any of this seriously when every single line so acutely reminds you that this is a man in his 60s trying so desperately hard to seem "cool" and "hip", it just comes across as so embarrassing and awkward. This is hardly the first time Doctor Who has tried doing this, but it's definitely one of the most egregious and they just need to stop - if anything, it will only work to horrifically date the episode in future.

It doesn't really help that it also all looks so damn cheap, isn't this supposed to have Disney money behind it? They might as well just break off the arrangement if this is the kind of visual quality they're getting from it, there's clearly no purpose for it anymore. The Time Hotel concept is a great one, so it's pretty sad (and predictable) that it only ends up being completely wasted; it's just set dressing whilst we get the same old, played out drama where Dr Who goes "uh uh I am so alone and I am so mysterious" and people tell him "uh uh Dr Who, you need friends". Yep, seen that all before, thanks.

Isn't this new era meant to be bold and new? It's done nothing but retreads!

Oh and I will never find the solution to "oh no I need the code for this" being "aha my future self told me but it is a bootstrap paradox" as anything but lazy. The Doctor working in the hotel for a year is a great idea in theory, but it only ultimately ends up meaning nothing. Nothing happens for the first 40 minutes and the Doctor didn't even learn to open up to new friends (for the 100th time) from it, it's just Joy doing that at the end. Anita was actually pretty cool, so why did we even get Joy?

At this rate, the show is just kinda lying if it wants to keep up the pretence that Gatwa is from Tennant's future and not just a separate entity created at the bigeneration (which is the biggest LOL ever and just so, so bad) - what even was the point of the Doctor "settling down" if the show just later wants to treat it as if it never happened? The Giggle isn't canon, the Doctor has never stayed in one place for that long, so true!

The Star of Bethlehem, oof, what the f**k; who thought was a good idea? Ah yes Christians, that was not God leading people to the recently born Jesus - no no, it was a weapons manufacturer exploding a star for energy, yeah, that's what started your religion now, that; that's canon! Merry Christmas!

Modern Doctor Who is just nothing but supremely tired and the problem is that it's been the same people since the revival started. They need to go and we need a new face to run it. Either that or simply cancel it, but something has to give and something has to change.

Easily the best Tennant Christmas Special. It's for sure one of those episodes which won't be for everyone and Donna and/or the Racnoss are definitely going to get on your nerves at least once here, but I think it's just nice? And cosy?

It just doesn't really take itself too seriously, which I think is a tone that just fits Christmas really well, but also has an underlining level of darkness to it, just to give it that lil extra bite. The Racnoss is also superbly realised and they're given good amounts of backstory to get you quickly invested.

It's a... thing I guess? It's very good at its set pieces, but it just can't help being total cringe when it's not showing off (and often times, when it is showing off)

The Doctor and Astrid's relationship is cutesy, but her death is very silly. Max had no business being on the Titanic and I'm not sure why he needed to orchestrate the meteor crash when he was completely capable of just turning the engines off himself. It's not like anyone would have noticed and it probably would've achieved his plan a lot quicker. Weird.

One of the biggest missed opportunities in Doctor Who. Jackson Lake just being a regular guy is the blandest and most predictable answer to the mystery as to who this Doctor is - and the truth gets revealed far far too quickly to have any real sense of payoff and tension. You literally just had a fake out regeneration in the last story, how cool would it have been for David Morrissey to have been the actual Eleventh Doctor, but echoing from a timeline where the Stolen Earth regeneration completed?

Man, Morrissey just deserved to be an actual Doctor. When the message is "anyone can be brave enough to be the Doctor", which is commendable enough, it doesn't quite work when the real Doctor gets all the cool heroic moments later on - saving the boy, confronting the Cyber-King - whilst Jackson only just watches on. A pity.

Modern Who's magnum opus. I don't think it ever got any better than this; a beautiful adaptation of the classic Dickens tale, but done in a way that feels fresh and fully involves the time travel aspect of the story much more than the original could.

The music is fantastic, the world building is amazing. Ember and Sardicktown are, perhaps, the greatest realised alien planet of all of Doctor Who; it feels so lived in, unique, fun to explore if you ever visit. Its aesthetic is unmatched, its people have a consistent feel that isn't generic or typical. Such brilliant set and costume design.

The story is emotional and involving, you just get sucked into this world for the hour and it never lets you go. It's one of Matt Smith's greatest performance, and it helps that the Doctor is so perfectly characterised within this episode; he's given so many great lines and is fully engaging throughout.

You can't ignore how well the guest stars are doing to back all this up; Michael Gambon, Katherine Jenkins, Laurence Belcher and Danny Horn all deserve praise here.

It really is just the perfect coda to what I believe is the greatest Doctor Who series of them all - Series 5.

I think it's overhated. Cyril is definitely annoying, the Androzani miners are bizarre additions and the last 10 minutes are... yeah, they're that confusing, sexist mess. However, I think the stuff beforehand is actually quite lovely; with the Doctor being the caretaker, his initial meeting with Claire, the general wander through the woods - if the episode had been more like that and not had devolved into "haha men are weak, women strong but only if they're a mother" s**t then this would be much more fondly remembered, because the tone at the beginning is really nice.

Great ending with Amy and Rory.

I think it's got a good strong core to it, the Snowmen and Ice Governess are quite fun villains; but I question the overall decision to have it be the Great Intelligence AND for the Doctor to have just forgotten all about it. I think that's a lil insulting to the original stories and something that it could've gone without.

Jenna Coleman has a great debut... debut? Yeah, let's call it a debut and she's more than a match against Matt Smith. I would preferred Victorian Clara over regular Clara to be the full time companion, but only for having a non modern day companion for once. Her introduction to the TARDIS is an amazing scene and hard to get enough of.

Unfortunately, the entire episode is quite heavily sexualised for no real reason and I think it weighs the episode down not insignificantly.

I wouldn't say that this arc needed to be a full series, but to have a second part? Yeah, I'd say that would've been a good idea. Structurally wise, I think the episode works, but each story beat gets brushed through quite quickly and it's a bit of a shame, because there's a lot of potential in this concept.

That being said, what we do get is lovely and works to wrap up Eleven's era well. Matt Smith is a great standout here with a more melancholic performance, as his Doctor reaches the end with a lovely farewell speech. The characterisation of Eleven here is really fantastic and the way he interacts with Clara, especially when he's old is some of the best Doctor Who.

Tasha Lem, HOWEVER, what a weird addition. I understand her on principle, but dear god, it's the same problem the Snowmen had, she is wayyy too sexualised and it ends up being uncomfortable. Moffat... just why?

I think, with any future rewatches, I will end up liking this episode more, but I will still always wish it had a bit more time put to it.

Yeah, it's fine? As will become tradition with Capaldi Christmas specials, it has a fantastic final few scenes - in this case, the sleigh ride and the Doctor talking with elderly Clara - but the episode beforehand takes a little too long to properly get going and then keeps repeating itself; and not really in a creative way. It's just replaying the same beats it had presented before.

Santa's there... just because? Ah well, it's only just a dream. OR IS IT? Also the inclusion of Danny Pink is a really nice coda for Clara's story in S8.

Pretty unnecessary and I find it really hard to get properly engaged in the main story, it's really slow and uninvolving. I also kinda disagree with the decision to return the Doctor's memories of Clara.

However, it might all be worth just for the Christmas Truce scenes, because they're genuinely beautiful and never fail to make you emotional. Maybe that should've just been the entire episode.

Alas! It's a good regeneration scene, give it that. Hello Jodie Whittaker!

Quietly an underrated masterpiece. Genuinely funny, with a fun and engaging story. Capaldi is having so much fun in this and his chemistry with Alex Kingston is probably the best Doctor/River relationship.

As was with Last Christmas and Danny, Husbands serves as a coda for River and it serves to conclude her story in a very bittersweet way, so much so in fact, I'd say it'd be slightly insulting if she ever returned after this - this is the best ending you could give her and I doubt there's anything you could do to justify any return.

A fun parody of superhero movies, I couldn't say that there's much to discuss about this one, but that's OK, I'd say. It's easy to just have fun with, Harmony Shoal serve to have some good, creepy moments - even if that possession of the UNIT soldier went nowhere.

It is what it is.

Why is there a narrator?

Sugar rush Doctor Who; Dalek goes round killing folk, Doctor and fam melt it. I do love seeing new sides to Daleks, makes them more interesting and fresh.

Yeah, this is great - and the political aspect is well done. Unlike S3 & 4, Jack actually had a purpose and did stuff - but there's no connection to his appearance in Fugitive, so why was he even in that? Shame the editing is bad and Lee Haven Jones can't direct crowds very well. Nice Ryan/Graham exit.

HOWEVER; even though I do like Revolution, I do question this special wasn't a prison break episode, make it more special than just another Dalek invasion and all that. It just seems like the obvious choice. Because as it stands, the Doctor's imprisonment is barely a footnote and she doesn't even escape by herself, she has to get rescued by Jack. It's super weird.

Hilarious. No, really, it's super f**king funny that this ever got made and broadcast, you can just tell it's a rush job to fit an empty slot and I just love it for that. I can't hate it by any means, it's pretty inoffensive, there's nothing going on that would make it the actual worst of Doctor Who; you'd have to dig pretty deep to justify that, idk. At best it's harmless fun, at worse it's boring.

Great to watch drunk or high. I assume. I've never done that. But you can definitely try.

Really, really fun! A solid energy to it, it's got an infectious vibe that I find hard to resist and it's a great use of the Daleks, which long by this point, were maybe feeling a little bit stale. Big fan.

Recons are a pain

Decent enough, I think this would be better regarded if it was animated or all the episodes were found - it's quite action heavy with all the sword fights and especially that big set piece towards the end of Part Four. Not the greatest 60s historical, but it's passable and has a nice sense of humour to it as well; consider Ben and Polly's escape scene for one!

Abysmal.

It's a masterclass on how not to introduce a new Doctor - because for some reason, he's... asleep for most of it? This episode gives such little characterisation to the Tenth Doctor and that's because he's barely in it; it's baffling because there was a perfect set-up to explore this new incarnation. It's a literal invasion; let's see how this Doctor reacts to it, how he makes his plans (or wings it), how he interacts with his companions, how he does anything really? When he's finally awake, he's good, but it's too little, too late in the end.

Rose just kind of forgets all her character development from S1 and gives up immediately, even she spent the last episode saying she was taught to make a stand no matter what. The Doctor isn't dead, he hasn't left you; he's asleep - because he was saving your life from a situation much more dire than this, so what happened? Like the entirety of Parting is her coming round that she can make a stand on her own, the Doctor taught that and she's never gonna give up. AND THEN IN CHRISTMAS INVASION, she gives up because the Doctor isn't there. Brilliant. Utter character degeneration.

The pilot fish are really, really stupid. They blatantly know where the Doctor currently is because they send the tree to the flat (which they know the location of, somehow?), but they don't use the opportunity to kidnap him there? They waste time attacking Rose and Mickey? What's the point of the tree, just go in, kill Jackie and take him; Rose and Mickey are out. Their relationship with the Sycorax also feels really sloppy; their varying motivations make them feel superfluous like they were added solely for an extra set piece. The time might've been better spent on building the tension towards the Sycorax arrival.

Speaking of; the Sycorax are cool, ish, but translation of an unknown language just doesn't work like that and there's no sensible or reasonable explanation for the TARDIS being unable to translate just because the Doctor is asleep. But what exactly was their plan in the first place? The Doctor says they came because Earth had been drawing attention to itself, but what were they planning to do if they hadn't come across the space probe with the blood?

I'd be genuinely OK with calling this boring shite the worst post-regeneration episode AND Christmas Special to date.

This is a review for both parts.

Abysmal.

It's a masterclass on how not to say goodbye to a Doctor - because it spends a good chunk of the timeline demonising their successor without ever confronting that and showing that the Doctor was wrong. Also ruined by the 60th Specials anyway, because no! That incarnation isn't dead! They can just come back for no real reason and that's all fine! Thanks Russell!!

So much weird stuff in these episodes. The Doctor randomly has a problem with the rate of the Ood's development, but never elaborates and it's never brought up again. The Master's resurrection being possible from his DNA still being on Lucy's lips TWO YEARS LATER is just so, so stupid. Why did Minnie sexually assault the Doctor in a way played for laughs? Wilf just emotionally abusing the Doctor during the cafe scene; "Doctor, you've already affirmed that you can't help Donna (thanks 60th... again!) but try anyway" - please f**k off.

Why did everyone have bad dreams of the Master? Because of him stepping in the Immortality Gate and his transmitting across the planet? OK, so, how does that apply then to everyone in the universe and why do they have the nightmares before he steps into the gate? The Vinvocci aren't time travellers; even if they were, the Immortality Gate isn't a time machine. Speaking of the Master, what was he planning to do before he was taken to the Immortality Gate? Just f**k around the wasteland?

The Master Race is really funny, because they do nothing and then Rassilon just reverses it immediately, lol. The part one cliffhanger is great, and so are the scenes on Gallifrey during part two, so I'll give it that. But then there's the woman, who only talks to Wilf to say nothing and for some reason, the Doctor can't be told about her? Not sure why exactly.

Donna starts to remember, but doesn't die; a bit convenient it never got mentioned before. You'd think the Doctor would want to tell Wilf and Sylvia that. Actually, there's no reason why Donna couldn't just changed with the others, she doesn't add anything by not having been changed.

The Doctor is a whiny c**t and it felt great to watch him die. I'd be genuinely OK with calling this boring shite the worst regeneration episode AND (part two) New Year Special to date.

This is Chibnall throwing literally everything at the wall and somehow it mostly all sticks and works? I mean if Resolution was a sugar rush, then this really is a sugar rush; there's just so much going on and it edges dangerously close to too chaotic.

It is sad to say goodbye to Jodie, she's been an underrated Doctor and aha, she really goes through it in the episode, doesn't she? So many emotions and heavy moments, but she sells it all really well. I shall miss her.

Dhawan's Master is fantastic, Sacha is dedicating himself so much to the role and it really shows; he's super engaging and fun to watch, his batshit plan is exactly that - batshit - but who cares when he's dancing to Rasputin? Although... why was this not a complete bodyswap episode? Whittaker Master vs Dhawan Doctor, it would've been actually amazing to see and again, like prison break Revolution, it just seems like the obvious choice?

The Thijarians should've been in the regeneration scene, like come on, it was such a clear set-up. Oh well. Pity we never see how the Doctor regenerates into, but I guess the show had to end somewhere.

I was open to giving it a chance, but to be frank - that was utterly f**king abysmal. A completely joyless viewing experience, one that just left me sapped of all emotion by the end. It was like I was watching a parody of Doctor Who; no heart or soul, just an embarrassing attempt to start an era that honestly shouldn't even exist.

It's a bold choice to adapt a comic (which is also supposed to take place in the same universe FYI), sap everything away that made the comic fun and creative in the first place, rush the Meep's reveal of being evil, replace Sharon with Rose but give no time to her reactions to the Meep's betrayal - and then have the audacity to be like: “oh yeah, so now only my version matters now, the Doctor never met the Meep before, so only I'm canon and only this shitty watered down version with characters I didn't even create counts.” Nah, f**k that. That just feels incredibly insulting.

This episode stars the Tenth Doctor; because he looks like the Tenth Doctor, he sounds like the Tenth Doctor, he acts exactly like the Tenth Doctor - so that is what I'm going to call him, because it is silly to say otherwise. If you wanted him to be different; now was the time to show that - but they never do.

It's not exactly Tennant’s finest hour, but to be fair, he isn't really given much to play with here. To be honest, he feels like he's overacting for a lot of it like he's trying desperately hard to bring back how to play the role. He has some nice calmer moments, but let's be real - no one could sell the incredibly embarrassing scene near the start where he has to keep saying “what? what? what?” for no real reason. Do you get it? It's funny, because he used to say that in S2-4! Do you get it?? God, this focus on his face is so embarrassing considering they never actually properly explain it.

This really should've been a Ncuti episode.

He doesn't come across like he's just come off the back of Jodie at all, he doesn't even feel newly regenerated or anything. I don't feel any sense of continuity whatsoever. And for all his talk of wanting to make sure Donna doesn't remember; he is very very blazen and reckless around her.

He just has a new sonic too. OK? Not gonna explain that either? It can just make force fields now too? OK? The TARDIS randomly changes its interior as well. OK? Not gonna explain that either? Did you just forget to explain things in these specials or what?

Everything done with Donna reeks of desperate revisionism. The End of Time is s**t, but Donna did have quite a good final exit in it. And the Star Beast just kinda pours all that down the toilet for no reason, making it all pointless. Yeah. Thanks for that. To be frank, she should never have been able to remember at all, her memory wipe is like the only emotion that Journey's End could even muster and I think it's just really cowardly to backtrack on it all.

She just… lets the Meta-Crisis go? Because the Doctor is non-binary…? Also for all the talk of “something” drawing the two back together and that pre titles talking about a storm or whatever - f**king lol, they never explain it (a recurring theme I'm sensing!), it's all just one massive coincidence. I’m not even going to touch the Giggle, but I do know that the explanation for Ten's return is that “the Doctor was mentally exhausted and subconsciously wanted to return to his family to heal” or whatever; despite… the Doctor not even knowing that the Meta Crisis could be reversed when she regenerated? So why would she become Ten again to do that when as far as she knew, nothing could be done? And he doesn't even go looking for Donna, he just happens to accidentally bump into her.

It makes no sense. Embarrassing writing.

Having Rose be transgender is a good idea and all, but wow is she hampered by terrible execution. At least her family is supportive; but she has no real character, she's f**king pointlessly deadnamed in her second ever scene and honestly, Yasmin is just not a good actress whatsoever.

The dialogue in this is so cringe, it's genuinely awful. “Donna Noble is descending”, “That's, er... Sorry about the stairs”, “You're assuming he as a personal pronoun?”, “Something a male-presenting Time Lord will never understand.” It's like a boomer with zero self awareness wrote it, it's so bad. You don't have to keep drawing attention to minority status, you can simply just let them be. That's way more progressive than constantly highlighting and pointing it out.

I think it's blatantly obvious that RTD hasn't watched Doctor Who beyond the End of Time, or if he has, then he's barely registered it cause that last line makes no f**king sense - the Twelfth Doctor could indeed let things go (hello? literally his last words?) and the Thirteenth very much couldn't.

I've jabbered away about this episode for far too long, much longer than I ever needed to. I'm never gonna think of this dumb episode ever again and I'm certainly not gonna bother with the rest of the 60th. It's just whatever man, it just sucks. RTD's return just sucks. We're just stuck in a clique. Who even cares anymore? It's just easier to say Doctor Who ended with the Power of the Doctor, because everything afterwards… yeah. Bleh.