Virgin New Adventures: Timewyrm Arc

#001. Genesys ~ 3/10

◆ An Introduction

I’d fully intended on writing my review of ‘Purgatory 12’ today, but when the weather is this uncomfortably humid, I want to be anywhere but sat at my desk, which is why I’ve decided to revisit a range that I gave up on about five years ago.

I’ve always been more accustomed to the audio adventures of Doctor Who because my reading speed is frankly slower than corpse decomposition, but I gave the ‘Virgin New Adventures’ a good go during my last year of secondary school, managing to get through fifteen whole novels before I threw in the towel. This time round, I am determined to get through all sixty-one adventures… cause I definitely wont regret making that commitment!

You only get once chance to make a first impression, which Virgin Books really should have considered before asking John Peel to write their first full-length Doctor Who novel.

◆ Publisher’s Summary

Mesopotamia — the cradle of civilisation. In the fertile crescent of land on the banks of the rivers Tigris and Euphrates, mankind is turning from hunter gatherer into farmer, and from farmer into city-dweller.

Gilgamesh, the first hero-king, rules the city of Uruk. An equally legendary figure arrives, in a police telephone box: the TARDIS has brought the Doctor and his companion Ace to witness the first steps of mankind's long progress to the stars.

And from somewhere amid those distant points of light an evil sentience has tumbled. To her followers in the city of Kish she is known as Ishtar the goddess; to the Doctor's forebears on ancient Gallifrey she was a mythical terror — the Timewyrm.

◆ The Seventh Doctor

John Peel does not understand the Seventh Doctor in the slightest, writing him as a pompous oaf who is incredibly mean-spirited to his companion. I’m so glad ‘Timewyrm: Genesys’ was the only time he penned a story for this incarnation.

The Doctor is said to be wearing questionable clothing; including shoes that hadn’t seen polish for at least a decade; baggy trousers; a floppy coat of some unsavoury brown hue; a paisley tie, badly knotted; and a sweater adorned with question marks. He had a broad face, with plenty of laughter-lines. Sort of ageless, really. The Doctor had been editing a few of his useless memories, but appears to have set the field too high… thus wiping his companion’s mind (isn’t this incarnation meant to be fiercely intelligent?) leaving her only able to remember generic things. He informs Gilgamesh that he isn’t a warrior of any kind, but he is a student, a scholar, and a man of learning. He happens to be a bit of an expert in the realm of strange happenings. When you have been after pure evil as long as he has, it starts to feel like a bad stench in the air. The Doctor describes himself as a cosmic environmentalist – he likes things to be tidied up and smelling pretty. He apparently never makes any stupid mistakes… only very, very clever ones. He takes everything seriously, except himself. Whilst imprisoned in the dungeons of Kish, the Doctor informs Enkidu that he talks to himself because he likes intelligent conversations.

◆ Ace

‘Timewyrm: Genesys’ manages to completely ignore all of the development Ace was given in her final televised season. What we get here is an incredibly boring-if-functional depiction of the character, and proof positive that Peel should not be let within a mile of this Tardis team ever again!

Ace starts this adventure with total amnesia of who and where she is, and also happens to be in a state of undress (just one example of the gross “Tumblr fan-fiction” style writing that is commonplace throughout this dreadful novel). She is described as being medium height and gawky, not exactly elegant. Her face was friendly, young and interested. Her body was muscular, but still obviously feminine. Ace thinks that Enkidu is alright, just a regular guy, but can barely hide her dislike for the “right royal pain in the ar*e” that is Gilgamesh. She assures her new Neanderthal mate that her and the Doctor are just travelling companions, sometimes even friends. Chemistry was one of Ace’s specialities. In an attempt to stop a drunken Gilgamesh causing a full on pub-brawl, she claims to be a singer and ends up performing an Irish folk-song to a bunch of Kishites!

◆ Story Recap

The Doctor and Ace have arrived in ancient Mesopotamia, the cradle of civilisation, searching for an apocalyptic horror that supposedly threatens all of creation. Making friends with the warrior king Gilgamesh, and his companion Enkidu, they discover that all is not well in the nearby city of Kish.

The local goddess of love and war, Ishtar, is now residing among the mortal followers in her temple… feeding on the brains and mental power of the sacrifices brought before her. Ishtar is also using her slaves to put copper plating around the walls of Kish. She plans on turning the city into one giant radio transmitter, allowing her to take control of every mind in the region, before moving onto the whole planet!

The Doctor must stop this from happening, because this cybernetic queen masquerading as a deity is the apocalyptic horror he has been searching for.

◆ Ow the Edge!

‘Genesys’ has gained a fair amount of notoriety from the fanbase ever since it got released, and it’s easy to see why.

John Peel was absolutely marvellous when it came to novelising the old Dalek adventures, but his original fiction reads like something you would find on the dark side of Tumblr – you’ve got gratuitous amounts of violence, half the characters in a state of undress for absolutely no reason except to make you feel sick whilst reading the novel, and Gilgamesh has all the personality of football thug at a Sunderland match!

I’m reminded of the Shadow the Hedgehog game, where SEGA thought it would be a great idea to give said character a sub-machine gun and make him say “Damn!” every five seconds. It doesn’t make the story feel more adult or mature. It just comes across as incredibly amateurish, and that’s exactly what this novel is, a cheap and amateurish slice of fan-fiction.

◆ The Epic of Gilgamesh

I’d like to move onto the topic of setting, because ‘Genesys’ actually had some potential setting a story so far back into the past. With a society like ancient Mesopotamia, it’s very difficult to distinguish what is concrete fact and what is mythology carried across the ages in stories. There are very few historical records that can be considered accurate from the period, which means the writer can weave fact and myth together to help bring their setting to life.

The Epic of Gilgamesh is one of the few tales we have from this era, with only a few clay tablets surviving over the years. It tells the story of the warrior king and his friend Enkidu, a wild man created by the gods to stop him oppressing the people of Uruk. Part of this mythical tale even talks about the goddess Ishtar sending the Bull of Heaven to punish Gilgamesh for spurning her advances – an element of the tale which carries over to this novel (except that Ishtar here is an amoral cyborg rather than an actual deity).

There was a great deal of potential to basically create a science fiction version of the Epic of Gilgamesh, but a lot of the characters come across as one-dimensional, and there isn’t much flair to the prose that could’ve made the cities of Kish and Uruk really come alive. What an incredible shame.

◆ Conclusion

“I heard the Chronovores whispering in the time-winds. They gave me a new name. Timewyrm.”

An immensely powerful and amoral cyborg plans on bringing the entire planet under her mental control, by turning the city of Kish into one giant transmitter. If the Doctor and Ace don’t stop her, then history will likely unravel around them.

‘Genesys’ is the beginning of the Timewyrm story arc, and I would recommend avoiding it at all costs. John Peel spends more time disgustedly talking about how all the female characters are in a state of undress, when he could be focusing on giving the characters some actual depth!

Gilgamesh is an arrogant oaf with a nasty case of wandering hands, Enkidu comes across as flat and boring, and Ishtar (the one character who had genuine potential here) just comes across as another cackling villain. The characterisation of our regulars isn’t much better, with the Doctor spending most of the story bullying his companion, and Ace seems to have been written by someone whose only knowledge of her is from watching ‘Dragonfire’.

‘Genesys’ is an utterly abysmal read from start to finish, and the only saving grace is that it’s one of the shorter novels in this range.

Note that special effects in this context refers to the cover and production qualities that went into publishing the book, about the only thing of value to this project anyways.

This was a special level of awful. I expected something at least a little questionable based on the reviews but this has to be one of the worst books I ever read. I had to basically force myself through the tail end of the book. Things were so bad I likely would have given up were it not for this being the first in a series of books, and I had a pretty heavy dose of the sunk cost fallacy after a while reading this thing. The crazy part is, Timewyrm: Genesis isn't very long in terms of page count, but it was a very slow and clumsy experience getting through.

It's a shame, too, because buried under all this nonsense is a big, sprawling adventure that kind of feels like it wants to be told. Ancient Mesopotamia is a fun setting for a historical Doctor Who adventure, and it is cool to get into the Epic of Gilgamesh a little bit. I like how this is a pretty honest look at a despotic ruler from history, often acknowledging that these figures aren't exactly saints and are very flawed individuals, to put it politely.

Unfortunately, writer John Peel, who seems more gifted at adapting Doctor Who rather than crafting original stories for the franchise, feels wildly unqualified for this type of story. You need someone thoughtful and intelligent enough to really balance the real-world implications of tyrannical rulers and the absolute powers they had over others when compared to how we want to view these figures and how they ought to function in a story like this. Gilgamesh is basically a statutory rapist, so if the Doctor is going to defend him a bit, you really need to be careful with how you go about this content or it is going to come across as very, very troubling. And that sucks because there is a conversation to be had about this stuff. The Doctor probably tolerates a lot of backwards human behaviour in his travels, and I'm sure he finds a lot of stuff about Ace from the 1980s as problematic and backwards as he might find the people of Mesopotamia. There's an interesting point to be made in all this, but Peel is wildly unable to make that point. His prose is simple and barely gets the voice of Doctor Who right to begin with, so sophisticated plot ideas just fall apart completely.

And none of that is to even mention the mountain of aborted plot lines, unexplained or barely used choices and characters, a ridiculously truncated ending that just made no sense at all, and a bunch of rather painful references and cameos from the Third and Fourth Doctor. I *really* hated this book. It's one of the worst Doctor Who things I've encountered thus far. It's funny, because Sophie Aldred does say some nice things at the start of the book, and I can see where she is coming from. For a while it was content like Timewyrm: Genesis carrying what little had remained of Doctor Who after the cancellation. So I understand why hopes were high for these books, and Ace does have her moments throughout this story where I could see Sophie appreciating her character's role here. The story pairs well with The Ghost Light in that regard and there are some useful connections made with Nimrod and Enkidu that makes a lot of sense and works well with the real world Epic of Gilgamesh. Hell, even the intro with our villain Ishtar and Gilgamesh, in my opinion, was really well done.

But after a while, Ishtar becomes a lame villain. Cruel for the sake of being cruel and lacking origins all that compelling, Ishtar is a huge part of this story and all too rarely entertaining, either. On top of that, the action is so silly and doesn't work or make sense, the Doctor's character work with Ace is just awful at times and featuring some of the worst dialogue I've ever seen assigned to these characters, and all our Mesopotamian characters don't have anything meaningful to do after a while. An extremely disappointing read on the whole that did have some interesting ideas that just completely stumbled on execution of them. The nudity some of the other reviews mention is there and a bit eyebrow-raising, but hardly the most objectionable part of this thing. That Ace happens to sleep in the nude bothers me a lot less than the way that Gilgamesh is casually mentioned to have been likely to have assaulted her were it not for the Doctor's disapproval. So yeah, this sucks hard. I'm sure there's more wrong with it but I'd much rather to just be done with this book once and for all. I read it thinking it would matter for the other Timewyrm books and I'm not even sure that was worth it.

I don’t hate the Idea of Who tackling more mature Topics or trying to be more ‘adult’, when it works, it can give you a Story with a lot to like about. When it doesn’t.. it feels “trying to write an adult Story, but coming across as incredible tone-deaf and in some ways: stupid”. Sadly, the first VNA falls into the second Category. While I get some Decisions, I think a lot of them don’t add much good will to the Book. And that’s not even me getting started how CLEAR it is, that peels just dislike the TARDIS Team, it feels like at times he is writing them deliberately bad to NEVER get commissioned again for a VNA (which at the end of the Day he didn’t do another one of those). And this is super apparent with the use of the other Doctors here. Both, while not adding much to the Story, feel more appropriate than Seven ever did in this Book. And I am sorry to put it harshly but this is EXACTLY the type of Characterization, I think that misses the Doctor’s Character, even 7 who while yes can be a manipulative Person at times, would never act this Way let alone tell Ace to “deal with it”. Ace doesn’t come across that much better. Really, the Story itself is somewhat a mixed bag overall, there are a lot of Moments that just made me feel super uncomfortable. And again I think Doctor Who can tackle more mature Things, but this isn’t mature, this just borderlines on the Idea of being ‘edgy’ for the sake of it. Not helping the Fact that I can feel that the Writer just doesn’t like this TARDIS Team. What an awful Way to kickstart a Book Range.

The Cover Art is great I will say that, in general the VNAs and their Illustrations have their Charm!

The Virgin New Adventures n.1

You see, when I talked about this book in the r/Doctorwho Discord server, people warned me about this book...Now I see why.

This book was...Yuck. It barely felt like Doctor Who, scantily clad 13-year-old girls (and if you, who are probably in their 20s felt uncomfortable, you can imagine how someone who was much near that age felt), Gilgamesh groping someone else's wife, and worst of all...The Doctor scolds Ace for being rightfully disgusted at Gilgamesh's revolting and paedophilic behaviour. What the devil am I reading?!?! I've never watched a Seventh Doctor serial before, but even I could tell he was very out of character!

Then I found that the author of this travesty seemed to dislike the Seventh Doctor and Ace. Suddenly, many things made sense. Do I recommend reading this book? HA! No.

But there's a redeemable trait for this book. It boosted my confidence in writing, my Doctor Who fanfics are way better than this rubbish.

I hope the next one is better, Uncle Terry, don't disappoint me!

01 - Timewyrm: Genesys

I had several people warn me about this book when I first decided to start the VNAs, and I can't say their warnings were unwarranted!  To put it lightly, this was not a great start to the series; having read the next two installments at the time of writing, I’m glad that it quickly recovers.

Let's start with the positives (because there are some!).  The Epic of Gilgamesh is an excellent setting for the first entry in a new chapter of the Doctor Who franchise - for the first official full-length novel, it’s only fitting that the Doctor and Ace should plunge into one of the oldest stories in the written record.  The character of Enkidu is particularly interesting - the “wild man” who becomes Gilgamesh’s friend in the original story is recontextualized as a wayward Neanderthal, who suffers from profound loneliness due to the knowledge that he is the last of his people.

However, for a story that should focus on new beginnings, Genesys seems to have an obsession with meaningless references to its parent show, as if to reassure the reader that yes, this is in fact Doctor Who, please stick around!  The call to adventure is given by a vision of the Fourth Doctor, and Ace lists off numerous references to her short catalog of stories (including Paradise Towers, which she wasn’t even present for!) within the first few dozen pages.  During the climax, the Doctor assumes the personality of Pertwee’s Third Doctor, and you really get the impression that John Peel did not particularly enjoy writing for McCoy’s more scheming incarnation.

And now for the elephant in the room.  This book, much like Torchwood S1, is obsessed with proving its willingness to stray into adult themes.  However, it goes much, much further, crossing a line in the very first chapter as it sexualizes the prepubescent priestesses of Ishtar in a way that makes me feel gross just reading it.  Gilgamesh, who should ideally be a heroic and prominent character in the narrative, seems to exist almost exclusively to sexually harass and grope every woman and girl in sight.  I’m not opposed to these topics being tackled in principle, and the Doctor has often wandered into societies with less-than-savory customs.  However, here the Doctor not only tolerates this behavior, but actively scolds Ace for daring to resist the advances of Gilgamesh, in a disgusting exchange that’s possibly the most out-of-character I’ve ever seen him behave.

Simply put, this story left me with a bad taste in my mouth within minutes, regardless of its redeeming qualities later on.  Completionists may get something out of it, but casual readers may want to avoid the gross parts and start with Exodus.