The Monthly Adventures #069 - "Three’s a Crowd" by Colin Brake

What’s worse than a bad story? Well, as a reviewer, I’d say it's an unremarkable one. Three’s a Crowd is not bad, by any means. In fact, I’d say it’s rather good. However, who in the hell talks about Three’s a Crowd? What am I meant to say for ~1000 words about Three’s a Crowd? I’m still not sure. Maybe it's because Colin Brake is one of those writers; you know, the Justin Richards and Mark Gatiss types, who rarely seem to get past a lukewarm decency in terms of writing quality. Or maybe it’s just the fact that the script didn’t have much going on in it. A somewhat dull but pleasant base under siege that could’ve been better than it was, let’s talk about it, I guess.

The colony of Phoenix is a desolate place, its small population having been barricaded in its halls for generations. But when the Doctor, Peri and Erimem land, they find an altogether deadlier threat than an acute sense of agoraphobia: something hungry lying in wait in a space station above the planet.

(CONTAINS SPOILERS)

OK, as much as I ragged on the unoriginality of Three’s a Crowd in that opening paragraph, I’m mostly just salty from having yet another mediocre story in a seemingly endless run of them. In reality, Brake does start off our story with a pretty great concept, that of a colony living in such great isolation that its inhabitants have become agoraphobic (the fear of open spaces) to the point of being terrified if there are more than two people in a room. Cool idea that is for the most part used well. It doesn’t play as big a role in the story as it probably should but it lends the climax some decent tension with Peri trying to shepherd some terrified colonists across the planet surface before their ship self-destructs.

Now, you know me, side casts are one of my most important aspects in a story and personally I think this is one of the relatively few places where Three’s a Crowd excels. All three of our colonists feel very realistic and it's interesting seeing how each one is differently affected by the confinement, from gaining revolutionary tendencies to having breakdowns due to being in a slightly large room. Paired with some decent performances and I found myself actually caring for most of the cast, which isn’t always the case with these audios.

As for our main cast, I thought that Peri and Erimem got a good amount of things to do, each split between either side of the conflict. On top of that, this run of stories continues to have some stellar continuity as it tackles Erimem’s attitude following the events of The Roof of the World, exploring whether or not she wants to leave the TARDIS, which gives us a wonderful scene between the two companions set in one of the TARDIS’ many weird side rooms (this one being an entire field). I also enjoyed the surprisingly emotional pun the story chose to end itself on, it was a nice touch.

However, Three’s a Crowd has one big glaring problem: it’s boring. This script is the epitome of nothing special, a bland base under siege with a dull antagonist, little to say and a weak ending. Although it starts with a good idea, it eventually devolves into a lot of running in circles until the story eventually wraps itself up, which I find immensely disappointing. Not to mention we’re lumped with the Khellian, AKA a generic race of warrior lizards, who are basically just the Galyari from a few audios back. Actually, we’re lumped with a single Khellian, as he’s the only one we ever hear and the rest we’re just told are there, making them an incredibly unimposing threat.

Also, quick tangent, did our main characters heroically give a bunch of newborn children radiation poisoning by blasting the freshly hatched Khellian brood with uranium? You know what, that seems way too complicated a topic for a Doctor Who review, I’m just going to drop it.

Final note, I have to talk about the character of Auntie, played excellently by a surprise Deborah Watling but written in a way that confuses me. The leader of this isolated colony, Auntie turns out to be a surprise twist villain who's been sending hibernating colonists off to be eaten by the Khellian this whole time. It’s a neat twist and a good third act reveal; that is until it goes back on itself and it turns out she actually had no idea and now she’s a completely redeemed character. It’s not an egregiously bad detail but she’s a big enough part of the plot for it to be a significant annoyance.

At the end of the day, there’s not much wrong with Three’s a Crowd, it’s just not very interesting. It’s a shame really, I think there was a lot that could’ve been done great here but as it stands, I honestly see little reason to talk any more about this audio.

6/10

Pros:

+ The concept of a confined colony becoming severely agoraphobic is neat

+ The side cast were all relatively interesting with decent performances

+ Both companions have a nice amount of agency

Cons:

- Has a very run of the mill plot

- The Khellian make for a generic antagonist

- Auntie is an ultimately confused character

MR 069: Three's a Crowd

Well I feel personally attacked. Living in isolation isn't natural my ass. What do you think a hikikomori is then? Hmm?????

We have a society of people living in isolated rooms on their own. They barely ever see each other and then only on video screen. Sometimes they get to see each other in person but only ever two at a time. There's talk of a rebellion against this by having EIGHT people in the same room at the same time. Crazy. Sounds like hell to me.

The colony is run by an older lady called "Auntie" on a space station overseeing the planet. Most of the story just involves characters examining what's going on in this society and how bad it is to live in isolation. Characters have panic attacks because other people are in their space. Indeed, they start getting panic attacks as Peri and Erimem pull them out of their rooms and into corridors or even, heaven forbid, outside.

The main core of what's going on here, as well, with the three main characters is Erimem's and the Doctor's seeming reluctance to want to travel together. Erimem is recovering from The Roof of the World where she's confronted by her father, or something. It's been awhile since I heard it, although I do remember liking it. I'm not sure where the Doctor's attitude is coming from. Perhaps he just wants one companion after going so long with having multiple at the same time. He says he's pretty ok with Erimem being there, but he's a little forgettful about her and even does the "hey do you want to stay here and rule" thing at the end of the story, like he does to Steven on the actual show. He's been with Peri and Erimem for some time now but he's only having these feelings now? Ok, I guess?

It's ironic that this is a Doctor Who story about isolation being bad when the Doctor usually just travels alone or with one other person. He's not one for settling down and forming a community. The Doctor himself is the ultimately example of an introverted shut in, seeking out just one person at a time or, in this Doctor's case, multiple people to share his life with.

The story just kind of turns into a generic alien invasion thing when it's revealed that there are lizard aliens eating the human colonists. Auntie knew all about it and made a deal with them because they were on their own, communication cut off from other humans with their terraformer not working. They've been periodically sending colonists "home" but they've just been going to become food for the lizards. There's a lot of running around and getting chased by lizards. Very fun. Until they kill the lizards and then kill the lizard babies with radiation poisioning and lack of oxygen.

It's not really that interesting. The concept itself is pretty ok, but hits too home for me. At least it's not too triggering in a way that makes me unable to listen like Vincent and the Doctor, but what's here is just not that engaging. Normal Doctor Who alien stuff. It's at least a step up from the norm for Peri and Erimem, who despite being a fun team consistently get middling to terrible stories. Ah well, hopefully they get a better one next time.

This is part of a series of reviews of Doctor Who in chronological timeline order.

Previous Story: The Roof of the World

This started off really well. The TARDIS scenes at the beginning were a highlight and I love how often the TARDIS is being explored in this run. There was a pretty nice moment between Peri and Erimem here and I like that it touches on some of the stuff that happened in the last story. I'll still maintain that I don't think anything in the last story has really changed her character but it's nice to see it being explored regardless.

The story remains really good even when we get to the actual plot, the idea of people so isolated physically that they are afraid of being in a room with another person is a interesting if unsublte commentary on things like the Internet and mobile phones allowing you to talk to people without needing to go and visit them.

We meet Deborah Watling as the leader of the colony, Auntie. She gives an incredible performance and it's hard to believe that she's the same actress who played Victoria Waterfield. I really enjoy Big Finish bringing back older companion actors to play different roles, it's a nice way to get them involved before the existence of companion chronicles or recast Doctors and it ends up being some of their best performances.

After such a terrific start though, this story devolves into generic running about. The betrayal of Auntie is a good moment but she quickly realises her mistake so it doesn't even really matter. I don't know how I'd do it differently but for me the alien felt really bland and uninspired. Overall though, I'd say it's not a bad listen if only for the excellent performances.

Next Story: The Council of Nicaea