The Two Doctors

Part One

[TARDIS]

(In black and white, we see an older version of the console room. A grey haired space hobo in tartan trousers speaks to his companion, who is wearing a kilt. Yes, Patrick Troughton and Fraser Hines are back. This is going to be fun.)

DOCTOR 2: Come here, Jamie. Look at that.

(The picture turns to colour as they gaze at the huge city in space on the scanner.)

JAMIE: Look at the size of that thing, Doctor.
DOCTOR 2: Yes, Jamie. It is a big one.
JAMIE: Just a wee laboratory, eh?
DOCTOR 2: Well, it's, obviously, it's grown.
JAMIE: It's like twenty castles in the sky! Are you sure we've come to the right place?
DOCTOR 2: Of course I am.
JAMIE: We don't usually get to where you say we're going.
DOCTOR 2: I got Victoria to where she wanted to go, though why she wants to learn graphology, I've no idea.
JAMIE: Ah. Will we ever get back to her, though?
DOCTOR 2: Of course we will.
JAMIE: I'll believe that when I see it.
DOCTOR 2: At the moment, we have other things to worry about. Look at this!
JAMIE: What?

(There is a round item embedded in the console.)

JAMIE: Hey, I've not seen that before.
DOCTOR 2: It's not been here before. It's a teleport control. You'd think I'd never flown a TARDIS solo!

(The Doctor shouts at the ceiling.)

JAMIE: What's it do?
DOCTOR 2: It gives the Time Lords dual control. Infernal cheek. I shall complain when this is over. Now then, I think we'll just dematerialise to avoid their detection beams, and slip in quietly.
JAMIE: Er, I thought you said they were friendly.
DOCTOR 2: Friendly? I should think they'll be overwhelmingly so.
JAMIE: Then why are we slipping in quietly?
DOCTOR 2: Jamie, some of the most brilliant scientists in the universe have assembled here to work together in pure research. I don't want them to know that I've arrived.
JAMIE: Why not?
DOCTOR 2: Think of the commotion! They'll all be scrambling around wanting my autograph. No, no, no, I just want a quiet word with old Dastari, Head of Projects.

(The Doctor oils a lever.)

DOCTOR 2: Right then.

(He pushes the lever with all its strength. It creaks ominously then jerks into place. The TARDIS shudders.)

DOCTOR 2: Splendid! We've hit conterminous time again.
JAMIE: Well, we've certainly hit something.
DOCTOR 2: Now, Jamie. Right, follow me.

(They head for the doors.)

DOCTOR 2: Wait.
JAMIE: What? What?
DOCTOR 2: We'd better take the recall disk.

(The Doctor takes an object from inside the new remote control.)

DOCTOR 2: And Jamie? Don't go wandering off. Stay with me.
JAMIE: Do I ever?
DOCTOR 2: It has been known. And, er, let me do the talking.

(This time the Doctor opens the doors.)

DOCTOR 2: All you have to do is to stand in the background, and admire my
BOTH: Diplomatic skills.

[Space station galley]

(The TARDIS has parked herself in the galley area. A red-haired chef with impressive eyebrows and various cutlery hanging from his tool belt approaches. The Doctor and Jamie come out.)

SHOCKEYE: How dare you! How dare you transmat that object into my kitchens?
DOCTOR 2: How dare you have the impertinence to address me like that?

(Shockeye gets a large carving knife.)

SHOCKEYE: I am Shockeye, o' the Quauncing Grig!
DOCTOR 2: I'm not interested in the pedigree of an Androgum.
SHOCKEYE: Stay!
DOCTOR 2: I am a Time Lord.
SHOCKEYE: Oh. Oh, I. My humblest apologies. I should have realised.

(Still holding on to the large knife, Shockeye bows. The Doctor feels along the table behind him for an equal weapon and finds - a cucumber.)

SHOCKEYE: But this one with you?
DOCTOR 2: He is from the planet Earth. A human.
SHOCKEYE: A Tellurian? Oh! I have not seen one of these before. Is it a gift for Dastari?
DOCTOR 2: A gift?
SHOCKEYE: Oh, such a soft white skin, whispering of a tender succulence. Dastari will not appreciate its qualities, you know. He has no sensual refinement. Let me buy it from you.
DOCTOR 2: My companion is not for sale!
SHOCKEYE: I promise you lord, no chef in the nine planets would do more to bring out the flavour of the beast.

(The Doctor waves his 'weapon' at Shockeye.)

DOCTOR 2: You get on with your butchery. Come along, Jamie.

(Jamie circles Shockeye, not turning his back, and follows the Doctor out.)

SHOCKEYE: Oh. Oh. I can just taste that flesh.

(Shockeye swings a cleaver into a small carcase on the block.)

[Space station corridor]

(Jamie runs to catch up his Doctor.)

JAMIE: Who was that?
DOCTOR 2: Shockeye of the Quauncing Grig, so he said.
JAMIE: I know what he said, but
DOCTOR 2: He's an Androgum, Jamie. The Androgums are the servitors here. They do all the station maintenance.
JAMIE: Ah, you mean a scullion.
DOCTOR 2: Yes, with a high opinion of himself. Chefs usually have.

(The sound of a TARDIS in motion makes them turn around.)

JAMIE: It's the TARDIS!

[Space station galley]

(The TARDIS dematerialises, watched by Shockeye and an elegant dark-haired woman in silver gown. Everyone say Hi! to Jacqueline Pearce.)

CHESSENE: Our allies won't care for that. I promised the Group Marshal he could have the Time Lord's machine.
SHOCKEYE: Will it make any difference?
CHESSENE: Not to me. I still have the Kartz-Reimer module. But it shows the Gallifreyans are suspicious, so I was right to lay the plans I did.
SHOCKEYE: So now we wait.
CHESSENE: Not for long. Stike is moving.
SHOCKEYE: Already? The calgesic won't have affected the scientists yet.
CHESSENE: It will by the time Stike's forces arrive.
SHOCKEYE: Ah. Did they enjoy the meal?
CHESSENE: Dastari said you had surpassed yourself.
SHOCKEYE: Oh! Being unable to taste it, I worried that it might be over-seasoned.
CHESSENE: Shockeye, their last supper would have added lustre to your reputation.
SHOCKEYE: Oh.
CHESSENE: Except that they won't live to remember it.

[Dastari's office]

(A grey-haired man in spectacles and plasticised jumpsuit sits behind a grand wooden desk.)

DASTARI: I remember it very clearly, Doctor. You came to our inauguration, bearing fraternal greetings from Gallifrey.
DOCTOR 2: Yes, yes. That was before I, er, fell from favour. I'm a bit of an exile these days.
DASTARI: Yes, I heard something about that. But you still act on their instructions.
DOCTOR 2: It's the price I pay for my freedom.
DASTARI: Needless to say, we've had no support at all from your people.
DOCTOR 2: Oh, Dastari, you can't have expected help from the Time Lords. Their policy is one of strict neutrality.
DASTARI: Nonetheless, there's been widespread disappointment among the other Third Zone governments.
DOCTOR 2: Don't chide me, Dastari. I'm simply a messenger. Officially, I'm here quite unofficially.
DASTARI: You'll explain that paradox, I know.
DOCTOR 2: I'm a pariah, exiled from Time Lord society, so they can always deny sending me.
DASTARI: And why have they sent you?
DOCTOR 2: They have been monitoring the experiments in time travel of the Professors Kartz and Reimer. They want them stopped.
DASTARI: I see And how do the Time Lords equate that with a policy of complete neutrality?
DOCTOR 2: They don't have to. As I said, I have no official existence, so they can always deny sending me.
DASTARI: Oh, typical. Typical hypocrisy.

(Chessene enters.)

DASTARI: Yes, Chessene?
CHESSENE: I wondered if your guests require refreshment, Professor.
JAMIE: Ah, well, er
DOCTOR 2: No, thank you. We've already eaten.
JAMIE: Aye, but that was yesterday.
DOCTOR 2: One meal a day is quite sufficient, Jamie.
DASTARI: Are you sure?
DOCTOR 2: Yes.
DASTARI: Thank you, Chessene.
CHESSENE: Very good, Professor.

(Chessene leaves.)

DASTARI: Well, Doctor, what did you make of our chatelaine?
DOCTOR 2: Was she an Androgum?
DASTARI: She was. Now she's an Androgum TA. Technologically augmented.
DOCTOR 2: Oh, one of your biological experiments.
DASTARI: I've carried out nine augmentations on Chessene. She's at mega-genius level now. I'm very proud of her.
DOCTOR 2: Proud of her, or your own skill?
DASTARI: Perhaps a little of both, but all that Androgum energy is now functioning on a higher plane. She spends days in the databanks simply sucking in knowledge.
DOCTOR 2: She's still an Androgum. You can't change nature.
DASTARI: In Chessene's case, I believe I have.
DOCTOR 2: That's dangerous ground, Dastari. You give a monkey control of its environment, it'll fill the world with bananas.
DASTARI: Oh really, Doctor. I expected something more progressive from you. Don't you understand the tremendous implications of my work?
DOCTOR 2: Yes, that's why I say it's so dangerous!
DASTARI: Doctor, our races have become tired and effete. Our seed is thin. We must hand the baton of progress to others. If I can raise the Androgums to a higher plane of consciousness, there's no limit to what that boiling energy might achieve.
DOCTOR 2: Dastari, I have no doubt you could augment an earwig to the point where it understood nuclear physics, but it'd still be a very stupid thing to do!

[Bridge]

(A technician is watching concentric circles on a screen. They resolve themselves into three round spacecraft.)

TECHNICIAN: Identify!
COMPUTER: The approaching craft are Sontaran battle cruisers. Their intention is hostile.
TECHNICIAN: Operate the defence.

(Chessene hypos the technician and he slumps over his control panel.)

COMPUTER: Please complete your last instructions.
CHESSENE: The last instruction is cancelled. Maintain normal surveillance.
COMPUTER: Normal surveillance.
CHESSENE: Open all docking bays.

[Lakeside]

(Peri throws a stone into what is really Rio Guadiamar in Andaluca, but is pretending to be somewhere rather alien where the Doctor is fishing with rod and line.)

DOCTOR: Don't do that! You'll frighten the fish.

(Peri tosses in another stone. Plop!)

PERI: What fish? Doctor, I'm bored. We've been here for hours.
DOCTOR: You know, I think it was Rassilon who once said, there are few ways in which a Time Lord can be more innocently occupied, then in catching fish.
PERI: That's a whopper.
DOCTOR: Where? I don't see one.
PERI: It was Doctor Johnson who said that, about money.
DOCTOR: Well, what's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?
PERI: Anyway, you're not innocently employed in catching fish, are you?
DOCTOR: They're just lazy today. Any angler will tell you there are times when nothing will tempt them.
PERI: That so?
DOCTOR: The last time I fished this particular stretch, I landed four magnificent gumblejack in less than ten minutes.
PERI: Gumblejack?
DOCTOR: The finest fish in this galaxy, probably the universe. Cleaned, skinned, quickly pan-fried in their own juices till they're golden brown. Ambrosia steeped in nectar, Peri. The flavour is unforgettable. I think I've got a bite!
PERI: At last.
DOCTOR: That's it, yes. Give him his head.
PERI: You really caught something?
DOCTOR: Yes. My word, this fellow's putting up a fight. Stand by with the gaff, Peri.
PERI: I'm not sticking that thing in a poor little fish.
DOCTOR: Not so little, Peri. Not so little at all. By the feel of this, it might be a record.

(The Doctor reels a tiny little thing to the surface.)

PERI: Oh, wow, Doctor. That must weigh very nearly an ounce.
DOCTOR: Yes.. but did you see the one that got away? That magnificent gumblejack that was trying to eat this poor little fellow. There.

(The Doctor unhooks the tiny fish and throws it back.)

[Dastari's office]

DASTARI: Even if I wanted to, Doctor, I have no authority to order Professors Kartz and Reimer to abandon their work.
DOCTOR 2: Of course you have. You sanction all the experiments on this station.
DASTARI: And what reason would I give? That the Time Lords have expressed concern?
DOCTOR 2: Dastari, our monitors have already detected ripples of up to point four on the Bocher scale. Anything much higher would threaten the whole fabric of time!
DASTARI: They are well aware of the dangers, Doctor. They are responsible scientists.
DOCTOR 2: They're incompetent meddlers.
DASTARI: Aren't you being a little ingenuous, Doctor?
DOCTOR 2: What do you mean?
DASTARI: Hasn't it occurred to you that the Time Lords have a vested interest in ensuring that others do not discover their secrets?
DOCTOR 2: Oh, I'm sure that's not the case.
DASTARI: I gather your own machine is no longer in the station. Isn't that because you didn't want Kartz and Reimer to get a look at it?
DOCTOR 2: Look, I've a suggestion. Stop these experiments for the time being, whilst my people study their work. If Kartz and Reimer really are on safe lines, I'm sure they'll be allowed to continue.
DASTARI: Allowed to continue?
DOCTOR 2: I mean, there would be no further objection.
DASTARI: In the first place, I have no authority to ask Kartz and Reimer to submit their work for analysis. And in the second place, the Time Lords have no right to make such a grossly unethical demand. I've never heard such unmitigated arrogance!
DOCTOR 2: And I've never heard such specious claptrap! Oh, don't you prate to me about ethics! The balance of the space-time continuum could be destroyed by your ham-fisted numbskulls.

(Dastari looks very unwell.)

DASTARI: I don't feel there's anything to be gained by prolonging this discussion, Doctor.
DOCTOR 2: Dastari, you have more letters after your name than anyone I know. Enough for two alphabets. How is it you can be such a stupid, stubborn, irrational, and thoroughly objectionable old idiot?

(Jamie nearly laughs.)

DOCTOR 2: And what are you smiling at, you, you hairy-legged Highlander?
JAMIE: I'm just admiring your diplomatic skills.
DOCTOR 2: Pah! Dastari?

(Dastari is slumped across his desk.)

JAMIE: He's got his head doon, Doctor. I can't say I blame him.
DOCTOR 2: I'll thank you not to speak in that appalling mongrel dialect.
JAMIE: I mean, he's gone to sleep.
DOCTOR 2: He's no' asleep.
JAMIE: Ah!
DOCTOR 2: He's not asleep Jamie. He's drugged!
JAMIE: He's what?

(Energy weapons are fired nearby.)

JAMIE: What's that?
DOCTOR 2: I would have thought a Jacobite would recognise that sound.

(A man in a lab coat runs in.)

SCIENTIST: Professor!

(And is immediately killed by an energy beam. Smoke starts to pour in.)

DOCTOR 2: Jamie, run.
JAMIE: What?
DOCTOR 2: Run, I say! Save yourself!

(Jamie leaves by another exit whilst the Doctor raises his hands to a Sontaran pointing a weapon at him.)

[TARDIS]

(The current Doctor enters and puts up his umbrella indoors. Tut.)

DOCTOR: We'll try our luck at the Great Lakes of Pandatorea.

(Peri struggles in with the hampers and fishing paraphernalia.)

PERI: Must we?
DOCTOR: Hm? Oh, you've never seen such fish. And as for the Pandatorean conga, it's longer than your railway trains.
PERI: I don't think I wish to know. What is all this fishing stuff, anyway?
DOCTOR: It's restful, relaxing. I think I've been overdoing things. I haven't felt at all myself, lately.
PERI: I don't know which is yourself.
DOCTOR: Exactly. This re

(A strange look comes over his face.)

DOCTOR: Generation.
PERI: Doctor?
DOCTOR: Regen

(The Doctor falls headlong to the floor.)

PERI: Doctor! What's wrong?

(The Doctor curls up and starts coughing.)

[Space station corridor]

(The second Doctor is suffering in a blue light. Jamie watches through a grill, standing on a crate.)

JAMIE: Doctor!

(Jamie tries to open the grill with his sgian dubh. Shockeye comes round the corner. Jamie jumps down to defend himself.)

SHOCKEYE: Whoa, there. Steady now. Quiet, boy. Easy. Shockeye will not hurt you.

(Shockeye reaches out and Jamie cuts his hand.)

SHOCKEYE: Oh, we are wild, aren't we?
CHESSENE [OC]: Shockeye! Why aren't you on the ship?

(Shockeye goes back to her, leaving Jamie out of sight.)

SHOCKEYE: I was just collecting some provisions, madam.
CHESSENE: The ship is fully stocked.
SHOCKEYE: Oh, but the standard rations are so boring. These are a few special things for the journey. A cold collation I prepared.

(Jamie runs.)

SHOCKEYE: Grr! The Tellurian has escaped.
CHESSENE: Stike will leave nothing alive.
SHOCKEYE: Oh, but such a waste, madam.
CHESSENE: We must go. Bring the hamper.
SHOCKEYE: Er, have you decided on our destination?
CHESSENE: It's unimportant.
SHOCKEYE: Earth?
CHESSENE: If you wish. But why Earth?
SHOCKEYE: I have a desire to taste one of these human beasts, madam. The meat looks so white and roundsomely layered on the bone, a sure sign of a tasty animal.
CHESSENE: You think of nothing but your stomach, do you, Shockeye.
SHOCKEYE: The gratification of pleasure is the sole motive of action. Is that not our law?
CHESSENE: I still accept it, but there are pleasures other than the purely sensual.
SHOCKEYE: For you, perhaps. Fortunately, I have not been augmented.
CHESSENE: Take care. Your purity could easily become insufferable.
SHOCKEYE: These days, you no longer use your karam name, do you, Chessene o' the Franzine Grig?
CHESSENE: Do you think for one moment that I forget that I bear the sacred blood of the Franzine Grig? But that noble history lies behind me, while ahead? Oh, ahead lies a vision.

[TARDIS]

(The Doctor struggles to sit up.)

PERI: Doctor, er, are you all right?
DOCTOR: Of course I'm not all right! What happened?
PERI: I think you fainted.
DOCTOR: I never faint. I remember now. I felt a weakness. I felt a weakness and then I, I was in another place.
PERI: Can I get you anything? Celery! That's what you need.
DOCTOR: Celery, yes. And the tensile strength of jelly babies! But I, I had a clarinet. Or was it a flute? Something you blew into.
PERI: A glass of water?
DOCTOR: Water? No, don't think so. A recorder! That's what it was. Some kind of mind lock.
PERI: Doctor, you're not making any sense.
DOCTOR: I am making perfect sense. I was being put to death!
PERI: I think you should sit down.
DOCTOR: Sit down? They're executing me! Except it wasn't that way. It didn't end like that, so it's not possible.
PERI: What isn't possible?
DOCTOR: Well, I exist. I'm here, now, therefore I cannot have been killed then. That is irrefutable logic, isn't it?
PERI: Don't worry about it.
DOCTOR: But the there and then subsumes the here and now, so if I was killed then, I could only exist now as some sort of temporal tautology. That also is irrefutable.
PERI: Circular logic will only make you dizzy, Doctor.
DOCTOR: The most likely explanation, of course, is that I haven't synchronised properly yet. Some kind of time-slip in the subconscious.
PERI: Perhaps you should see a doctor.
DOCTOR: Are you trying to be funny?
PERI: No, it was just a suggestion.
DOCTOR: Actually, that's not such a bad idea.

(The Doctor starts working through a very long collection of business cards.)

DOCTOR: Now, then. Archimedes. Fascinating chap, bit wet. Brunel. Christopher Columbus. (looks at Peri) He had a lot to answer for. Dante, Da Vinci, Dastari! Joinson Dastari, HP One. Head of Projects, Space Station Chimera, Third Zone. That's him!
PERI: Who?
DOCTOR: Dastari! The pioneer of genetic engineering. Be worth a trip, anyway. Dastari's people are doing some fascinating work on Rho mesons as the unstable factor in pin galaxies.
PERI: I can hardly wait. What are pin galaxies?
DOCTOR: Hmm? Oh, they're galaxies within the universe of the atom. Difficult to study. They only exist for one attosecond.
PERI: Doctor, I have no idea what that means.
DOCTOR: It means you have to be quick. An attosecond is a quintillionth of a second. Right, here we go.

(The TARDIS shakes as she gets into motion.)

DOCTOR: You know, that was a good idea of mine, wasn't it?
PERI: What?
DOCTOR: Getting medical help.

[Space station galley]

(The TARDIS parks herself in her previous spot. Time has passed. The lights have dimmed and the food has gone off.)

PERI: Ugh! Oh, Doctor, it's foul. Are you sure it's safe?
DOCTOR: Plenty of oxygen.
PERI: Yeah, but that awful smell.
DOCTOR: Mainly decaying food (sniffs) and corpses.
PERI: Corpses?
DOCTOR: That is the smell of death, Peri. Ancient musk, heavy in the air. Fruit-soft flesh, peeling from white bones. The unholy, unburiable smell of Armageddon. Nothing quite so evocative as one's sense of smell, is there?
PERI: I feel sick.
DOCTOR: I think you'll feel a good deal sicker before we're finished here.

(Something snarls as they leave.)

[Space station corridor]

DOCTOR: Laser bolt there, do you see?

(Further down the corridor.)

DOCTOR: And there. It must have been quite a fight.
PERI: Look!

(Peri picks up a heavily blood-stained lab coat.)

DOCTOR: Quite recently, too, otherwise the atmosphere would have cleared.
PERI: Do you think we should go on any further?
DOCTOR: What?
PERI: Well, I mean, if there's no one left alive, there's nothing we can do now, is there?
DOCTOR: I want to find out what happened here. Look, you can go back to the TARDIS if you like.
PERI: No, I'll stay with you.
DOCTOR: When I first saw this station, I thought of comet strike, or some such natural disaster, but it's been deliberately destroyed! Now, what kind of monster would want to stop the brilliant work that was being done here? Pure research, for its own sake, It threatened no one.
COMPUTER: It threatened the Time Lords.
DOCTOR: Would you care to repeat that?
COMPUTER: It threatened the Time Lords.
DOCTOR: And what put that idea into your apology for a brain?
COMPUTER: Return to your ship and leave.
DOCTOR: Certainly not.
COMPUTER: Then this station will switch to defence alert.
DOCTOR: I will not be threatened by a computer. And put some lights on!
PERI: How do you know it's a computer?
DOCTOR: My dear girl, I know a computer when I talk to one. Come on.
PERI: And what did it mean, defence alert?
DOCTOR: (sighs) The usual. Floor trips, electronic sensors, death rays, jets of nerve gas. Nothing to worry about.
PERI: Oh, good. I was afraid it might mean something serious.
DOCTOR: As long as we keep our wits about us.

(The Doctor steps over an electronic eye. Peri follows and a klaxon sounds.)

PERI: What's that noise?
DOCTOR: It's depressurising this section. Got to get out of here. No power.
PERI: It's getting colder!
DOCTOR: It will, but we'll die from lack of air before we freeze to death.

(No wall control panels work.)

PERI: How long?
DOCTOR: Not many minutes. We've got to get out of this passageway.

(The Doctor pulls off a panel.)

DOCTOR: Ah! Thought there'd be one.

(It's a manual door operation lever. The Doctor assembles it.)

PERI: Clever.

(The Doctor starts pumping but the door doesn't open. The air is starting to get thin.)

PERI: Nothing's happening.
DOCTOR: Got to build hydraulic pressure.

(Peri faints. The Doctor gets the doors open and puts her over his shoulder in a fireman's lift.)

[Outside the Hacienda]

(In the Andalucan countryside outside Seville, Shockeye, Chessene and a Sontaran open the wrought iron gates to an impressive hacienda and walk through into the tiled forecourt.)

CHESSENE: Excellent. I detect only one occupant, a female.
SHOCKEYE: Don't use the gas injector, madam. They give the flesh an acrid taste. I'll slaughter it myself.
CHESSENE: It might not be edible, Shockeye. I detect great age. Come!

[Dastari's office]

DOCTOR: Are you feeling better?
PERI: Thanks. Where are we?
DOCTOR: Dastari's office.
PERI: How do you know?
DOCTOR: He liked old familiar things around him. He worked out the famous theory of parallel matter at that desk. And in pen and ink. He detested computers.
PERI: You speak as though you're sure he's dead.
DOCTOR: They're all dead, Peri. Forty of the finest scientific minds ever assembled in one place. The barbarity of such a deed, I find scarcely conceivable.
PERI: Were they a threat to the Time Lords?
DOCTOR: Absolute rubbish. This institute was a threat to no one. It's only purpose was to add to the sum total of knowledge.
PERI: Well, then why did the computer say that
DOCTOR: Oh, don't know. Not yet. Programmed to say that, presumably.

(The lights come on.)

PERI: What's that for?
DOCTOR: Switching to visual. Must have lost track of us.
PERI: Well, I haven't seen any lenses.
DOCTOR: There'll be an electronic eye somewhere. Do you notice the floor?
PERI: What about it?
DOCTOR: Cork insulation and carpet.
PERI: So your friend liked to be comfortable, even in space.
DOCTOR: It's been tracking us by the heat of our feet. In here, it couldn't detect us.
PERI: You mean it got worried and switched the lights on?
DOCTOR: Something like that. I wonder what it'll try next.
PERI: You don't think it'll just leave us alone?
DOCTOR: Most unlikely. Think of it as a game, between it and us.

(The Doctor sits in Dastari's chair and looks at his journal.)

PERI: I love games, Doctor. Games where I'm not expecting to end up dead. Are you listening?
DOCTOR: Yes. My word, they were doing some fascinating work here. This is Dastari's day journal.
PERI: You've told me all I want to know about pin galaxies.
DOCTOR: Some people called Kartz and Reimer were having some success, it seems, with experiments in time control.
PERI: But you can already do that.
DOCTOR: Well, I can, yes, but I didn't realise the Third Zoners were that close to, to the breakthrough.
PERI: Is something wrong?
DOCTOR: This last entry. The Time Lords are demanding that Kartz and Reimer suspend their work, alleging their experiments are imperiling the continuum. No proof was offered to support this charge, so I rejected the demand. Colleagues fear they may forcibly intervene? All agreed that we must stand firm and refuse to be intimidated.
PERI: So it was the Time Lords.
DOCTOR: No, it's not possible! No matter how dangerous the experiments they were doing, they'd have found some other way of halting them. Not this massacre.
PERI: Well, maybe they couldn't find another way.
DOCTOR: No! It's unbelievable that they would commit such an atrocity. The use of force is alien to Time Lord nature.
PERI: Well, perhaps they thought the ends justified the means. Isn't that always the excuse for something really bad?
DOCTOR: No, I won't believe it. There must be some other explanation.
PERI: Well, maybe someone's setting the Time Lords up.
DOCTOR: Setting them up? Setting, setting them up. You know, sometimes, young Peri, you make amazingly shrewd remarks. Yes. It could be a crude attempt to drive a wedge between Gallifrey and the Third Zone governments.
PERI: But who'd benefit from that?
DOCTOR: I don't know, but I intend to find out.
PERI: That's if we get out of here alive.
DOCTOR: Hm? Oh, yes, I was forgetting that. We still have our homicidal computer to deal with.
PERI: It's getting awfully hot and stuffy in here now.
DOCTOR: Yes. Having failed to freeze us to death, it's now trying to bake us. It appears to be a machine with a distinctly limited repertoire.
PERI: Who needs anything fancy? Oh Doctor, we've got to get out of here.
DOCTOR: We have to do better than that. We've got to find our way to the control centre and turn the wretched thing off.
PERI: Well, how're we going to do that without being zapped on the way?
DOCTOR: Zapped? We'll have to find our way down into the infrastructure and work our way across. We'll be cramped down there, but safer than going on the walkways.

(The Doctor rummages through Dastari's desk drawers.)

DOCTOR: Not so much as a paper clip! You'd think someone like Dastari would keep a few useful odds and ends around.
PERI: Oh, Doctor, it's absolutely stifling now.
DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, it is a bit uncomfortable.

(The Doctor takes the centre from a wall panel. There is machinery behind it.)

DOCTOR: As I thought. I could trip this if I had a bit of wire.
PERI: Well, what are you trying to do?
DOCTOR: Save us from death by dehydration. That computer's been forced to turn the power on, but it hasn't energized the door locks. If only I could. Ah ha! Here you are.

(He gives Peri the banana from his pocket and goes to a sculpture with a fine wire detail.)

DOCTOR: Now.

(He pulls out a small length of wire and short circuits the door control with it. The door opens.)

DOCTOR: Voila! You know, I don't know much about art, but I know what I like.

[Entrance hall]

(In a room opening onto the entrance hall, the Dona prays before a statue of her favourite female saint. She crosses herself, picks up her white walking stick, stands and puts a red rose on the altar. Walking across the tiled floor, her stick hits Shockeye's foot.)

ARANA: Quin est aqu?
SHOCKEYE: It cannot see.
ARANA: You are English? Quin est?

(Shockeye reaches round and hits the Dona on the back of the neck. He feels the body.)

SHOCKEYE: The creature's bones are dry and brittle.
CHESSENE: I sensed it was very old, but its mind will be of use. Bring it through.

(Shockeye tries to delegate the manual work to the Sontaran.)

SHOCKEYE: You carry it, Varl.
VARL: I do not take orders from civilians.

(Varl follows Chessene up the main staircase.)

[Space station galley]

(The Doctor removes a wall panel.)

DOCTOR: Ah. This looks big enough to get down.
PERI: Well, can't we just take off?
DOCTOR: Not until I find out exactly what happened here.

(Peri spots a body half under a table.)

PERI: Doctor, look!
DOCTOR: We haven't got time to bother about dead Androgums, Peri.
PERI: Ugh. Well, how do you know it's an Androgum?
DOCTOR: I know an Androgum when I see one. Come on!

(Peri runs over to the Doctor.)

DOCTOR: Right, shouldn't be too far down. Just put your arms over your head, and slide.
PERI: What happens if I get stuck?
DOCTOR: I shouldn't advise that. I'll be right behind you.
PERI: Okay, okay.

(Peri climb through the gap and squeals as she slides down. The Doctor follows.)

[Infrastructure]

(Girders and walkways. The Doctor lands heavily.)

DOCTOR: That was a bit further down than I expected. Oh.
PERI: Well, it's all right coming down. How are we ever going to get back up again?
DOCTOR: Oh, there'll be service hatches. Ow!
PERI: You did say it would be cramped.
DOCTOR: Thanks for reminding me. This way, I think.
PERI: How can you tell?
DOCTOR: Well, apart from possessing an unerring sense of direction, all the service ducts lead this way. They must lead up to the control centre.

(He comes to a dead end.)

DOCTOR: Ah.

(He tries another route along another girder.)

PERI: Oh!
DOCTOR: You all right?
PERI: Sure. Can't remember when I last had so much fun.

(Something growls.)

[Veranda]

(Shockeye is sitting in the shade, fanning himself.)

CHESSENE: Where is Varl?
SHOCKEYE: Oh, he's setting up a homing beacon for the Sontaran ship.
CHESSENE: We must ask Stike to make a discreet landing. This planet is greatly overpopulated.
SHOCKEYE: (By the time I leave it, madam, that may not be a problem. Oh, did you learn much from the dead mind?
CHESSENE: It was a puny thing. This region of the planet is called Andaluca. We are four kilometres from the city of Sevilla.
SHOCKEYE: Oh. Oh, and is the eating good there?
CHESSENE: Doa Arana had little interest in food. Her mind was full of her religion.
SHOCKEYE: Religion? I'm not interested in the beliefs of primitives, only in what they taste like.
CHESSENE: In some ways, Shockeye o' the Quauncing Grig, you are a complete primitive yourself.
SHOCKEYE: You only say that, Chessene, because of the foreign, alien filth injected into you by Dastari. But come what may, you are an Androgum. Never lose sights of your horizons.

[Infrastructure]

(Peri is climbing up some scaffolding as if it were a ladder. The Doctor is waiting on a platform.)

DOCTOR: Here, give me your hand. Good girl.
PERI: Oh, it would help if we could see.
DOCTOR: Can't be much further.
PERI: Just far enough to scrape the skin off another leg. What is all this stuff, anyway?
DOCTOR: Hm? Oh, fluidic streams. Interesting application of an old idea. Think I detect Dastari's hand in the design. There.

(The Doctor unscrews the join in a flexible pipe.)

DOCTOR: There, you see?
PERI: Should you have done that?
DOCTOR: Oh, they're self-sealing. Now that fluid

(Growl.)

PERI: Doctor
DOCTOR: Carries a signal, in the same way that the signal in an electronic circuit is carried by the flow of electrons. The interesting thing about a fluidic device
PERI: Doctor!
DOCTOR: What?
PERI: I thought I heard something. I was trying to listen, but you kept on talking.
DOCTOR: I was imparting a little information. When you ask a question, you should listen to the answer, my girl, otherwise, you will gain absolutely no benefit from being in my company. It is the province of knowledge to speak, and the privilege of wisdom to listen.

(He has reconnected the pipe, and wipes his hands.)

PERI: Privilege.
DOCTOR: Yeah.
PERI: I can't tell you how privileged I feel, having been half-frozen, and asphyxiated, and cooked, and then forced to clamber through miles of pipe.
DOCTOR: Good, because we have about another mile to go. Come on.

(Growl.)

PERI: Ah! Listen.
DOCTOR: What is it?
PERI: I heard it again! There's, there's something down here with us.
DOCTOR: It's not possible. You're imagining it.
PERI: I tell you, I'm certain I heard something.
DOCTOR: Hydraulics.
PERI: What?
DOCTOR: Well, some of these pumping systems are very old. There's bound to be the odd wheeze.

(Growl, snarl.)

PERI: Well, that's the fiercest pump I ever heard.
DOCTOR: There's something down here with us, Peri.
PERI: Really.

(Further along the mesh of pipes and girders.)

DOCTOR: We must be under the central control area now.

(The Doctor opens a control box.)

PERI: Well, I just hope you know what you're doing.
DOCTOR: If I didn't, I wouldn't be doing it. Do have a little faith.
PERI: It just looks very complicated.
DOCTOR: Not at all. These type 49 systems are colour-coded. Defence mechanisms in red, power supplies in yellow, and so forth. All we have to do is disarm that computer, then hopefully we'll get some civil answers out of the thing.
PERI: There's a ladder over here.
DOCTOR: Hm? Yes, I know. I saw it. Leads up to the central control area. Blue. You know, I can't remember what blue stands for? Oh, well.
PERI: Can I help?
DOCTOR: No, no, no. This is a job for an expert. They often booby-trap these computers to prevent tampering. Berbury's noose was a favourite.
PERI: What's that?
DOCTOR: Berbury's noose? Very nasty. Leaves you without a head.
PERI: Oh.
DOCTOR: Do you know, I wish I could remember what that blue line serves.

(Peri climbs down the ladder.)

[Countryside]

(From a balcony, Varl watches a Sontaran spaceship roll through the air towards the hacienda. Meanwhile, a well-built English man and a slim senorita are walking when they come across an old painted wooden sign. Prohibida la entrada a personas no autorizadas.)

OSCAR: What does that say, Anita?
ANITA: Keep out.
OSCAR: Oh. Well, perhaps we'd better had.
ANITA: It doesn't matter, Oscar. It's a very old sign.
OSCAR: Well, yes, but
ANITA: No one lives on the hacienda now, only the Doa Arana.
OSCAR: The Doa Arana?
ANITA: An old lady, Don Vincent Arana's widow. She never leaves the house.
OSCAR: Where is the house?
ANITA: Over that hill. Do you know, in the old days when my mother worked for the Don it was like a palace. Now it is falling down.

[Fountain]

(The courtyard fountain is not working. Shockeye is sampling the local watermelons when Varl walks out of the hacienda towards him.)

SHOCKEYE: Insipid muck!
VARL: Our leader is in descent orbit.
SHOCKEYE: Our leader is Chessene o' the Franzine Grig.

(He tries a piece of cooked chicken.)

VARL: Marshal Stike commands the Ninth Sontaran battle group!
SHOCKEYE: He doesn't command anything here. Chessene planned this operation.
VARL: You will see. We Sontarans lead. We never follow.

(Varl walks away.)

SHOCKEYE: Tell him to come in on full mufflers. And that's an order from Chessene!

[Countryside]

ANITA: Hmm, this is the place. There always used to be hundreds of moths around here.
OSCAR: Yes. Yes, it looks like splendid moth country. Of course, we are a little early. Moths are ladies of the night.

(Oscar puts down a gas lamp and a net.)

OSCAR: Painted beauties sleeping all day, and rising at the sunset to whisper through the roseate dusk on gossamer wings of damask and silk.
ANITA: You really like them, don't you, Oscar.
OSCAR: Oh, I adore them.
ANITA: Then why do you kill them?
OSCAR: So that I can look at them.
ANITA: What's that for?
OSCAR: Moths to the flame, my dear. And then I net them and put them in my cyanide box.
ANITA: Cyanide? Isn't that terribly dangerous?
OSCAR: Not if one is careful. I've used cyanide since I was a boy. It's quicker and kinder to the little creatures than ammonia.
ANITA: What do you do with the poor things when they're dead?
OSCAR: I mount them in my collection, so that I can sit and admire them.
ANITA: Don't you have a television?

(They hear a sound approaching from above.)

OSCAR: Down!

(The Sontaran spacecraft rolls through the air above them and over the ridge.)

OSCAR: I thought it was going to hit us!
ANITA: It landed over that way, somewhere. We ought to go and see. Somebody might need help.
OSCAR: I do hope not. I can't bear the sight of gory entrails. Well, except, of course, on the stage.

(Anita pulls Oscar up to the ridge, where he watches Dastari and Stike carry the second Doctor to the hacienda.)

ANITA: It must have crashed!
OSCAR: Please, Anita, don't let's go any nearer. They may be suffering from hideous injuries.
ANITA: But the Doa Arana won't be able to help them, and there's no telephone. We'll have to see if we can help.

[Infrastructure]

(Wandering off on her own, Peri finds an old blanket.)

PERI: Doctor! Over here!
DOCTOR [OC]: What is it?
PERI: I, I don't know. Well, come and see!
DOCTOR: In a minute.

(A figure approaches Peri.)

DOCTOR: There. That should just about have done it.

(Peri screams.)

DOCTOR: Peri!

(The Doctor turns and gets sprayed with a gas which knocks him out. He falls from the ledge and gets caught on a set of wires while Peri struggles with her attacker.)

Part Two

[Infrastructure]

(Peri manages to incapacitate her attacker, and rolls away.)

PERI: Thanks for your help, Doctor!

(She goes to where the Doctor is dangling and pulls him down onto the catwalk.)

PERI: Doctor? Wake up! Come on!

(The Doctor starts to recover.)

DOCTOR: What is it?
PERI: Come on, Doctor, get up.
DOCTOR: Oh, Peri. Peri, what happened? Why'd you scream?
PERI: That thing you saw was an animal attacked me, and it's human, I think.
DOCTOR: If you hadn't screamed I wouldn't have triggered that stun jet. I was expecting there'd be one. It can't be human. They haven't reached this part of the Galaxy.
PERI: Well, it's humanoid at any rate. Come and see.
DOCTOR: Vorum gas. An ordinary person would have been unconscious for hours.
PERI: So would you if I hadn't dragged you clear of it.
DOCTOR: No, no. I closed my respiratory passages as soon as I detected any danger.

(They make their way back to where Peri's attacker is still lying.)

PERI: Well, then, how did you breath?
DOCTOR: With difficulty. I'll explain one day. Yes, it certainly does appear to be humanoid. So it finally mustered the courage to attack.
PERI: I think it was my fault. It was just protecting its nest.
DOCTOR: Understandable.

(The Doctor rolls the body over. The blanket falls away from its face to reveal a very grimy Highlander wearing beige coveralls.)

DOCTOR: Jamie?
PERI: What?
DOCTOR: It's Jamie. How did he get here? He should be with me.
PERI: Well, he's not now, Doctor. Not anymore.
DOCTOR: No, that's right. But if he's here, where am I? I must have been here, Peri.
PERI: You mean at some past time?

(Jamie begins to wake, and panics at the sight of the unfamiliar faces.)

DOCTOR: It's all right, Jamie.
JAMIE: Keep away from me!
DOCTOR: It's all right.
JAMIE: Keep away!
DOCTOR: Open that.

(The Doctor gives a silver pack to Peri.)

PERI: We're your friends, we won't hurt you.
JAMIE: Keep away.
DOCTOR: No, it's all right.
JAMIE: Keep away. Keep away.
DOCTOR: Jamie! It's all right!

(The Doctor gives Jamie a hypo which knocks him out again, then slides a long probe into his neck.)

DOCTOR: Don't worry, it'll help him to relax.
PERI: Relax? You've killed him.
DOCTOR: Oh, don't be ridiculous. I seem to remember I was always very fond of Jamie.
PERI: He's not moving.
DOCTOR: No. His nervous system's temporarily paralysed. He'll be fine shortly.
JAMIE: Doctor.
DOCTOR: Yes, Jamie?
PERI: He's not talking to you.
JAMIE: They killed the Doctor.
DOCTOR: I'm afraid he's deranged. It's often the effect of extreme fear.
JAMIE: Killed the Doctor.
PERI: Jamie?
JAMIE: They killed the Doctor
PERI: Can you hear me? My name's Peri. I'm your friend. Do you understand?
JAMIE: Friend?
PERI: Friend.
JAMIE: They killed the Doctor.
DOCTOR: He seems very sure of that.
JAMIE: Doctor
PERI: Is it possible?
DOCTOR: Of course not! I exist, therefore I am, and was.
PERI: Don't go through all that irrefutable logic again.
DOCTOR: Oh, yes, I remember. That mind-slip in the TARDIS.
PERI: You did say you were being put to death.
DOCTOR: So I did. I wonder if it could have been here?
PERI: Don't ask me, I don't understand any of this!.
DOCTOR: Neither do I. Not yet. Now Jamie, I want you to look at this pretty little thing here. Look.

(The Doctor swings a fob watch in front of Jamie's eyes.)

DOCTOR: See how it swings backwards and forwards, forwards and backwards. It makes your eyes feel heavy. So heavy you want to go to sleep. Sleep, Jamie. That's it. Sleep. Jamie, why did you come here with the Doctor?
JAMIE: To see Dastari.
DOCTOR: And did you see him?
JAMIE: Aye. They had an argument.
DOCTOR: The Doctor had an argument with Dastari? What about?
JAMIE: The Time Lords.
DOCTOR: What happened then, Jamie? Can you remember?
JAMIE: There was a battle. The knights came and killed everyone.
DOCTOR: The knights? What were they like, Jamie? Can you tell me?
JAMIE: They had a sort of armour. Heavy with no necks. And their hands were just two great fingers. They killed everyone.

(Jamie suddenly sits up.)

JAMIE: They killed the Doctor! I saw them!
DOCTOR: It's all right, Jamie. It's all right, Jamie. Now sleep. Sleep.

(The Doctor removes the probe from Jamie's neck and gives it to Peri.)

DOCTOR: There. He just gave a reasonably accurate description of the Sontarans.
PERI: Who?
DOCTOR: Let's see if anything's recorded in that computer.
PERI: But, but what about Jamie?
DOCTOR: Oh, he'll be all right. Sleep's the best thing for him right now.

[Countryside]

OSCAR: Is it possible we imagined what we saw?
ANITA: Of course not.
OSCAR: You are such a pragmatist, my little flower, but if an aeroplane has crashed, then shouldn't there be wreckage?
ANITA: Of course.
OSCAR: Well, then, like a star on my dressing room door it becomes conspicuous by its absence.
ANITA: We simply haven't found it yet. We must continue to search.
OSCAR: We should summon the authorities. Competent, official people trained in the tying of bandages.
ANITA: We search! There may be people bleeding to death at this very moment.
OSCAR: I'm not a well man.
ANITA: Oh, be brave, Oscar. Think of all the publicity. Who knows, the British Council may forgive you and book you on an forthcoming tour.

[Bridge]

DOCTOR: Of course, I never for a moment thought that it was the Time Lords.
PERI: Come on. You had your doubts.
DOCTOR: Well, only because of that last entry in Dastari's log. They must have forced him to write that before they killed him.
PERI: But why would they want to frame the Time Lords?
DOCTOR: Frame?
PERI: Make them appear guilty when they weren't.
DOCTOR: I see. Set them up. I don't know. They're rabidly xenophobic. They probably thought the Third Zoners were getting too powerful and might align themselves with the Rutans.

(The Doctor sits at the Technician's station and speaks to the computer.)

DOCTOR: Is that the answer?
COMPUTER: No speak.
DOCTOR: No speak? What kind of language is that?
COMPUTER: Central fault. No speak.
DOCTOR: I must have disconnected one of its linguistic neurons. Oh well, the data bank is still functioning.

(Words scroll up a screen in front of him, very quickly.)

PERI: Doctor?
DOCTOR: Hmm?
PERI: Who are the Rutans?
DOCTOR: Oh, the Sontarans and the Rutans are old enemies. They've been fighting each other across the galaxy for so long they've almost forgotten what started it. Ah, there's the Kartz and Reimer work.

(Peri looks at herself in a reflective wall panel.)

PERI: Oh, I look a mess.
DOCTOR: Of course, you can understand the Time Lords wanting to monitor their experiments. If the holistic fabric of time were ever punctured, it'd be like putting a pin into a balloon. The Universe would simply collapse.
PERI: Doctor, shall I go and see if Jamie's okay?
DOCTOR: Peri, it's possible!
PERI: What?
DOCTOR: That I was killed! It's why I collapsed, the weakness that I felt.
PERI: But you said you couldn't be dead then and here now.
DOCTOR: Yes, but if I arrived here during a time experiment, caught in an embolism and therefore outside the time flow. But if I were dead then and here now, it means that I was at the very epicentre of the engulfing chaos.
PERI: I don't understand.
DOCTOR: It means the collapse of the universe has started and nothing can stop it.
PERI: How long will it take?
DOCTOR: For everything to end? A very few centuries.
PERI: Centuries? Well, if it's going to take that long, I'll go and see if Jamie's any better.

(Peri leaves.)

DOCTOR: She can't comprehend the scale of it all. Eternal blackness. No more sunsets. No more gumblejacks. Never more a butterfly. Peri!

(Peri is in the blue light, screaming silently. The Doctor rushes to the control panel and presses some buttons. The image changes to Dastari, then the second Doctor, and back to Peri, Dastari, the sixth Doctor. The Doctor turns it off. Peri returns with Jamie.)

PERI: Doctor.
JAMIE: He's not the Doctor I know.
DOCTOR: I am too, Jamie McCrimmon. I am another aspect of him, just as he is of me.
JAMIE: Eh?
DOCTOR: I was him, he will be me.
JAMIE: Who will I be?
DOCTOR: Peri, look at this.

(The Doctor turns on the image of Peri being tortured.)

PERI: Doctor, it's horrible. Stop it!
DOCTOR: Life like, isn't it? Or rather, death like.

(He turns it off.)

JAMIE: But that's how they killed the Doctor. I saw it.
DOCTOR: I don't think they did, Jamie. I'm beginning to understand, now. They left this illusion to make it appear that I was dead.
PERI: Who?
DOCTOR: The Sontarans. They wanted to prevent any investigation into my disappearance, which means I must have been held captive somewhere.
PERI: But why am I in it?
DOCTOR: That was their mistake. They left the animator switched on. When you looked into that, it copied your body print.
JAMIE: So you don't think the Doctor's dead? I mean, my Doctor.
DOCTOR: No, I don't, Jamie. And if I'm not dead in that form, it means my theory about the embolism is also wrong. Well, this begins to have all the hallmarks of a conspiracy.
PERI: What sort of conspiracy?
JAMIE: A plot.
DOCTOR: That's right, Jamie. A plot to kidnap me and Dastari as well. And he's about the only bio-geneticist in the galaxy capable of isolating the symbiotic nuclei of a Time Lord.
PERI: So that's how you control the TARDIS. Symbiosis.
DOCTOR: If the Sontarans ever get unlimited access to time travel, they'll be invincible. We must find out where they're holding me.
JAMIE: How could we do that? They could be anywhere.
DOCTOR: I made contact with myself before during that mind-slip. I'll try telepathy. It's about our only chance.

(The Doctor lies down on a bench.)

DOCTOR: Now, I shall seem to be unconscious for a while, but don't worry. And while my mind is out of my body, don't touch me. Don't come anywhere near me. Any kind of contact might sever the astral link and kill me.
PERI: How long will you be?
DOCTOR: Hmm? Oh, seconds, hours, days. Who knows? There's no such thing as time on the astral plane.
JAMIE: I think your Doctor's worse than mine.

[Cellar]

(Underneath the hacienda, Dastari has set up a laboratory, and the second Doctor is lying on a operating couch. Chessene enters.)

CHESSENE: How is he?
DASTARI: This will bring him round.

(Dastari uses a pressure hypo on the Doctor's arm. A bell tolls nearby.)

DOCTOR 2: Jamie

[Bridge]

DOCTOR: Jamie! I
PERI: Oh, come on, Doctor. Wake up!
DOCTOR: Where I am? Am where I?
PERI: Doctor?
DOCTOR: Peri. Jamie. Was I away very long?
JAMIE: Just minutes.
DOCTOR: Boing! Boing!
PERI: What?
DOCTOR: Bells, my dear! Bells! Come on, there isn't a moment to lose.
PERI: Where are we going?
DOCTOR: Can't quite remember. Something to do with getting my hair cut.

(The Doctor strides away, humming Rossini's The Barber of Seville.)

[Cellar]

(The Sontaran vessel outside the hacienda quietly cloaks itself. Shockeye and Varl carry boxes into the cellar.)

VARL: That is the complete manifest.
CHESSENE: Where is Stike?
VARL: The Group Marshal has been placing the scout ship in clear in order to conceal it from the local primitives.

(Varl leaves.)

DASTARI: Even in clear it's still possible to detect with tracking equipment. We should have chosen a less populous planet.
CHESSENE: According to the Doa Arana nobody comes here, even though there is a city only four kilometres away.
DASTARI: Are there any defence installations in the area?
CHESSENE: The Doa Arana knows nothing of that. There was very little in her mind to absorb.
SHOCKEYE: Nor in her body. Nothing but bone and gristle.
DASTARI: I would have preferred somewhere completely deserted. The operation is an delicate one. We cannot risk any interruption.
CHESSENE: The Group Marshal favoured Earth. His forces are planning an attack on the Madillon Cluster, and this planet is conveniently situated. And it was also Shockeye's wish to come here.
DASTARI: And you indulged him? Why?
CHESSENE: He has a craving to savour the flesh of these human creatures. As an Androgum myself, I am aware of the potency of such desires.
DASTARI: You are no longer an Androgum, Chessene. I have raised you to a superior plane of life.
CHESSENE: There are blood-ties between the Franzine Grig and the Quauncing Grig, Dastari. Shockeye does not yet know the full nature of my intentions. When he does learn the truth he is going to feel that I have betrayed our Androgum inheritance.
DASTARI: A being of your powers cannot stay trapped forever in the traditions of blood and race. You must go on alone, Chessene, to create new traditions.
CHESSENE: Not quite alone, Dastari.

(There is a panicked squeaking from a rodent, and Shockeye emerges from behind some barrels. He breaks the animal's neck then bites into it.)

DASTARI: He calls humans primitive.
CHESSENE: All of our chefs sample the raw flavour of ingredients before even heating their cooking pots.
SHOCKEYE: Does this have a name, Chessene?
CHESSENE: The Doa Arana knows it as rat.
SHOCKEYE: Rat.
CHESSENE: It is a scavenging animal.
SHOCKEYE: Hmm. Oh, the flesh is rank. Smoke-dried it might just be tolerable.

(Shockeye throws the rat away.)

[TARDIS]

DOCTOR: Boing! The largest of the twenty five bells in the cathedral at Seville. Most distinctive.
PERI: You certainly specialise in arcane knowledge.
DOCTOR: Of course. Now we know the area where they're holding me. Now, it was in the distance. About three miles, I should judge. Have you been to Seville, Peri?
PERI: No, have you?
DOCTOR: How else would I know the Santa Maria when I hear it? Oh, do try and use your brain, my girl. Small though it is the human brain can be quite effective when used properly.
PERI: You might be wrong.
DOCTOR: I am not wrong. Now, this station was attacked ten or twelve days ago. In hyperdrive a Sontaran cruiser would take that long to reach Earth. It can only just have reached there.

(Jamie enters in full Highland dress.)

DOCTOR: Ah, you look better for your change of clothes and bath. You should try it more often.
JAMIE: Thank you. What?
PERI: Ignore him, Jamie. He's being crotchety. I think you look wonderful.
DOCTOR: I am not crotchety. I'm just, well, concerned.
JAMIE: What about?
DOCTOR: About myself, chiefly. I mean, him. Languishing in some dark dungeon at the mercy of the Sontarans.
PERI: You can't be sure he's in a dungeon.
DOCTOR: There was an echo, an after resonance. When you've been locked in as many dungeons as I have, you wouldn't fail to recognise it. Well, are you ready?
JAMIE: For what?
DOCTOR: Transference.

(Peri grabs hold of the console, ready for trouble.)

DOCTOR: Huh.

(The Doctor operates controls, and Peri is the only one who remains standing after the jolt.)

JAMIE: Now my Doctor wouldna have done that.
DOCTOR: Your Doctor is an antediluvian fogey. Allowing himself to be captured by the Sontarans. If anything happens to myself as a result of it I will never forgive himself.
PERI: Oh, I do wish you'd stop switching personal pronouns. It'd make it a lot easier to understand what you're talking about.

[Cellar]

DOCTOR 2: Oh. Good morning.
DASTARI: Don't try to move yet, Doctor.
DOCTOR 2: Dastari?
DASTARI: You'll feel dizzy for a time.
DOCTOR 2: So, I've been drugged, have I? What did you use? It feels like one of the anomode group.
DASTARI: Absolutely right. Siralanomode.
DOCTOR 2: Siralanomode? That effects the memory.
CHESSENE: We're not interested in your memory.
DOCTOR 2: Haven't I seen you somewhere before? Oh, augmented Androgum.

(Stike and Varl, come down the stairs.)

DOCTOR 2: Oh, I don't think much of the company you keep, Dastari.
VARL: Attention! Group Marshal Stike of the Ninth Sontaran attack group.
STIKE: Stand at ease.
CHESSENE: We already were, Stike. And tell that underling of yours not to shout every time you appear.
STIKE: Yes, Major Varl, the Androgum is quite right. We shall treat you as equals for the time being.
VARL: Very good, sir.
DOCTOR 2: Sontarans. I remember now. The space station. But I had someone with me. Jamie. What have you done with Jamie?
CHESSENE: Your companion will be long since dead, Doctor. The Sontarans take no prisoners.
STIKE: Inflexible policy.
DOCTOR 2: No! No!
CHESSENE: Fasten the restraints.
DOCTOR 2: Jamie! No!

(Shockeye and Dastari clamp the Doctor to the operating couch.)

DOCTOR 2: Oh, poor old Jamie.

[Countryside]

(The TARDIS materialises in the shade of a tree, then Oscar and Anita come round the corner.)

OSCAR: Isn't that incredible? Police! And they say they're never there when you need them.
ANITA: Oscar, it doesn't say Polica.
OSCAR: Interpol, my dear. They have branches everywhere.
ANITA: Oscar, you are a fool.

(Doctor comes out of the TARDIS, stripped down to lurid 'floral' waistcoat and white shirt, followed by Jamie and Peri.)

OSCAR: Officer! We have to report a tragedy. Stark disaster has struck this simple countryside.
DOCTOR: Has it indeed? What manner of disaster, Mister?
OSCAR: Botcherby. Oscar Botcherby at your service, sir, and this dark-eyed naiad is named Anita.
ANITA: Oh, come on, Oscar. There's been a plane crash.
OSCAR: Well, of course, it may not be your department. I can see from your raiment that you obviously belong to the plain clothes branch.
DOCTOR: Did you see this aeroplane?
OSCAR: No, we were in an olive grove at the time it roared overhead. We were on a moth hunting expedition. Are you interested in Lepidoptera at all?
DOCTOR: I am interested in everything, Mister Botcherby, but mainly, at the moment, in this crash you heard.
ANITA: It landed near Doa Arana's hacienda. We saw three survivors staggering towards to the house.
OSCAR: Well, two of them were carrying someone other poor injured fellow.
DOCTOR: Were they, indeed? I think you may well have done me a great service, Mister Botcherby.
OSCAR: In what way, officer?
DOCTOR: I think you saw three fugitives, whose trail we have been following for a long time. Perhaps you can lead us to this hacienda?
ANITA: Of course. It's this way.
OSCAR: Should we, my dear? It's easy to find, officer. You just follow this road.
ANITA: Oh, it's not easy to find, Oscar. We ought to show them.
OSCAR: I was thinking these men might be dangerous. I mean, I was thinking we ought to be getting back to the restaurant.
ANITA: Oh, we've plenty of time.
DOCTOR: You'll be doing a public service, Mister Botcherby.
OSCAR: Oh well, we Botcherbies have never shirked public service. My dear departed father was an air raid warden in Shepton Mallet throughout the war. He slept in a steel helmet for five years. This way.

[Cellar]

(Dastari brings in a man-sized capsule.)

DOCTOR 2: What have you got there?
DASTARI: The Kartz-Reimer transference module.
DOCTOR 2: Well, that'll never work. I can tell that from here.
DASTARI: It worked well enough to bring you to the Space Station, Doctor.
DOCTOR 2: All it did was to produce a few hiccups in the time continuum. Enough to tell us that dangerously crude experiments were going on.
DASTARI: Kartz and Reimer were clearly on the right track. Several Androgums successfully vanished into time during those experiments. Unfortunately we were unable to bring them back.
DOCTOR 2: Course you couldn't. No one can travel through time without a molecular stabilisation system.
DASTARI: We know that now. And we know that Time Lords possess a symbiotic link with their machines which protects them, and anyone with them, against destabilisation.
DOCTOR 2: Guess work.
DASTARI: Don't underestimate Chessene, Doctor. Hers was the brain behind Kartz and Reimer, and it was she who first realised that the missing element had to lie somewhere in here.

(Dastari gestures towards the Doctor.)

DOCTOR 2: So what are you going to do, hmm? Cut me up piece by piece?
DASTARI: Let us say cell by cell, and gene by gene, until I isolate the symbiotic nuclei.
DOCTOR 2: When did you go mad, Dastari?
DASTARI: I assure you I am not at all mad.
DOCTOR 2: Then you're totally under Chessene's domination. Are you hoping to give her the power of time travel? Is that the idea?
DASTARI: I shall put her among the gods. There need be no limit to her achievements.
DOCTOR 2: There'll be no limit to her capacity for evil. She's an Androgum, Dastari, whatever you may say! She'll snap off the hand that feeds her whenever she feels hungry.
DASTARI: You don't know Chessene. I confess I was sad that the Time Lords chose to send you as their emissary, because I've always had a certain regard for you, Doctor, personally, and the operation will, by necessity, be very painful. But
DOCTOR 2: It'll hurt you more than it hurts me.
DASTARI: What gives you that idea? No, I was going to say but at least you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you have been part of a great undertaking.

(Dastari leaves.)

DOCTOR 2: You are an irresponsible old fool! The Androgums are barbarians! Release them into time and every civilised people in the galaxy will curse your name! Do you hear me? Oh, my giddy aunt. Oh, crumbs!

(Dastari has gone to another part of the cellar to prepare his surgical tools. Stike enters.)

STIKE: Dastari, why this delay?
DASTARI: Delay?
STIKE: I expected the operation to begin immediately on my arrival. Time is being wasted.
DASTARI: Time is not being wasted. An operation of this complexity needs careful preparation.
STIKE: You are not efficient. All that should have been done.
DASTARI: We brought most of this equipment with us. How could it have been installed before we got here?
STIKE: Chessene should have brought it. There was no forward planning.
DASTARI: If we had dismantled my operating theatre any earlier, the station would have been buzzing with speculation. Chessene's plan might have failed. It was not worth the risk.
STIKE: How long is this operation going to take?
DASTARI: As long as it takes me to locate the symbiotic nuclei within the Time Lord's cell structure. Hours or days. I cannot say.
STIKE: Every hour is precious to me, Dastari. My Ninth group is now forming up for a vital battle in the Madillon Cluster. If successful, it could change the course of the war, so it is imperative that I must be there to lead them to victory.
DASTARI: Then if time is so important, I suggest you take this to the operating theatre while I fetch the rest of my equipment.

(Amazingly, Stike obeys, and follows Dastari back to the Doctor, pushing the trolley.)

DOCTOR 2: Tea time already, nurse?
STIKE: I do not understand.
DOCTOR 2: Just as well. A face like yours wasn't made for laughing.
STIKE: The operation must begin at once. I am needed at the front.
DOCTOR 2: Yes, I heard you. What was it, a vital strike in the Madillon Cluster? Oh, dear me. Nothing changes, does it? You and the Rutans have become petrified in your attitudes.
STIKE: Nothing can change till victory is achieved. But, but I fear I might have made a tactical error.
DOCTOR 2: Oh? I thought the Sontarans never made mistakes.
STIKE: It is not easy being commander. The loneliness of supreme responsibility.
DOCTOR 2: Why don't you resign, Stike? Take a pension.
STIKE: When I die, it will be alongside my comrades at the front.

[Countryside]

(The roof of the hacienda is visible above the rise.)

DOCTOR: Wait here.
PERI: Where are you going?
DOCTOR: Just for a scout round.
OSCAR: Oh, look!
JAMIE: What?
OSCAR: Over there.
JAMIE: I don' see anything.
OSCAR: Just there. An exquisite Feathered Gothic. If only I'd brought my net.

[Cellar]

STIKE: Doctor, you have a chance, in death, to help the Sontaran cause.
DOCTOR 2: How can I do that?
STIKE: Tell Dastari where your symbiotic nuclei is located in your cell structure. Vital time will be saved and I can be on my way.
DOCTOR 2: Is that what Chessene's offered you, the knowledge of unlimited time travel? In that case, you should watch your back, Stike.
STIKE: What?
DOCTOR 2: She's an Androgum! A race to whom treachery is as natural as breathing. They're a bit like you Sontarans in that respect!

(Stike slaps the Doctor.)

STIKE: That is for the slur on my people!
DOCTOR 2: And for that I demand satisfaction!
STIKE: You know that is impossible.
DOCTOR 2: I am challenging you to a duel, Stike. That is traditional among Sontarans, is it not?
STIKE: Oh, I would dearly love to kill you, but unfortunately you are needed alive.
DOCTOR 2: Release me, Stike. You are not only without honour, you're a coward as well.
STIKE: As you are not a Sontaran, Doctor, you cannot impugn my honour.

(Stike leaves.)

DOCTOR 2: Well, that didn't work, did it?

[Kitchen]

(Our Doctor makes his way via the dry fountain to the main door of the house. No one spots him.
Meanwhile, Shockeye has found some cookery books.)
CHESSENE: What have you got there, Shockeye?
SHOCKEYE: A selection of recipes, madam, used by these humans. It's most interesting.
CHESSENE: I cannot think that Shockeye o' the Quauncing Grig has anything to learn from humans. Do you understand it?
SHOCKEYE: Oh yes, indeed. These are Chinese and these are Spanish. The ingredients are unfamiliar, naturally, but the general principles are similar to our own methods. They cannot be quite as primitive as I'd believed. In many ways they resemble us.
CHESSENE: In what ways?
SHOCKEYE: Well, I found many of these books here. Now, there cannot be a creature on the planet that humans do not kill and eat. Many beasts are bred especially for table. They are force-fed to improve the flesh, and penned in small, confined quarters to fatten more rapidly. It's fascinating.

[Outside the kitchen]

(The Doctor makes his way around the outside of the hacienda to a kitchen window and stands on a crate to try to peer inside.)

SHOCKEYE [OC]: Vats of boiling liquid.

[Kitchen]

SHOCKEYE: The strange thing, however, is that I can find no recipes for cooking the human animal.
CHESSENE: There are races that do not eat their own kind.
SHOCKEYE: Oh, but a species that is at the top of the food chain as these

[Outside the kitchen window]

SHOCKEYE [OC]: Creatures are, must develop the finest flavour of all. They have the pick of the planet's resources and all that goodness is concentrated

(The Doctor overbalances.)

CHESSENE [OC]: Listen!
DOCTOR: Ow.

(The Doctor scrambles to press himself up against the wall as Chessene opens the window and looks through the grill.)

[Kitchen]

(Chessene closes the window.)

CHESSENE: I heard something out there.
SHOCKEYE: I heard nothing, Chessene.
CHESSENE: You were too busy talking about your favourite subject.
SHOCKEYE: Oh, I must taste a Tellurian soon. A young one, with a good proportion of meat to the bone. I am becoming insane for such a feast.
CHESSENE: Be patient, Shockeye.

(Chessene puts a grape into Shockeye's mouth.)

CHESSENE: We'll find one for you before we leave Earth. Indeed, I'll join you at table, for I confess to a certain curiosity myself.

[Countryside]

PERI: So, you're an actor.
OSCAR: For my sins.
JAMIE: What're you acting in in the moment, Oscar?
OSCAR: I'm between roles at the moment, so I'm managing a restaurant for a friend of mine. Las Cadanas in the Bario Santa Cruz.
ANITA: Quiet, Oscar. Someone's coming.

(They all lie down on the grass below the ridge. The Doctor walks up to them and coughs.)

PERI: Oh, Doctor, you scared us. Do you have to creep up like that?
DOCTOR: You were expecting a brass band?
JAMIE: Did you find out anything?
DOCTOR: No, but the Sontarans are here. I can sense their presence.
OSCAR: Who are the Sontarans?
JAMIE: Don't ask. Just hope you don't meet one.
DOCTOR: Anita, this Doa Arana, is she tall and dark?
ANITA: No, she's small and frail and has white hair.
DOCTOR: Oh, it wasn't her then. I couldn't see the man she was with. He had his back to me so I couldn't tell if he was human or not.
OSCAR: What do you mean, human or not?
DOCTOR: That noise you heard was a spacecraft landing. That hacienda is now in the possession of what you would term as alien beings.
OSCAR: You are joshing me, officer, are you not?
DOCTOR: Joshing?
JAMIE: That woman, was she wearing a long grey frock?
DOCTOR: Couldn't have put it better myself.
JAMIE: Well, she was at the Space Station, then.
DOCTOR: Was she now?
JAMIE: Aye. Dastari said she was a hungryman or something.
DOCTOR: Androgum?
JAMIE: Aye, that's it.
DOCTOR: Of course! Though her features haven't the heaviness of the typical Androgums.
JAMIE: Oh, he said he'd done some operations that had turned her into a genius.
DOCTOR: What a stupid thing to do!
JAMIE: That's what the Doctor said.
DOCTOR: And I was right. Whatever he's done to her mind, her nature will stay exactly the same, and Androgums have as much emotional capacity as, as a gumblejack.
PERI: Well, what's the next move, Doctor?
DOCTOR: We have to find a way of getting into that hacienda without being detected.
ANITA: I know a secret way into the cellars. It used to lead from the old ice house.
DOCTOR: The cellars? That's even better. Peri, you'll have to cause a distraction while Jamie and I try and find out where I'm being held.
PERI: What sort of distraction?
DOCTOR: Do I have to think of everything? Knock on the door and say you're lost.
PERI: I don't speak Spanish.
DOCTOR: That's all right. Neither do they. Right, Anita, you'd better show us this ice house.
PERI: What if a Sontaran answers the door?
DOCTOR: Oh, that's not very likely. They seem to be keeping well out of the way at the moment. Come on. Lead on.

(Oscar stays where he is.)

OSCAR: Good luck, everyone.

(So, while Shockeye is exploring the late Don's wardrobe and discovering a black frock coat with bright kerchief in the pocket, Peri goes up to the front door and knocks. Shockeye looks down at her from the upstairs window and starts to drool.)

[Cellar]

DASTARI: I'm afraid I'm unable to give you a full anaesthetic.
DOCTOR 2: Doing the job on the cheap, are you?
DASTARI: You have to be conscious while the neuron bombardment excites the brain cells. I will then be able to examine them.
DOCTOR 2: You should be examining your own brain cells, Dastari, Most of them must have leaked out your ears or you wouldn't be involved in this madness.
DASTARI: This injection will simply inhibit the motor centres.
STIKE: Get on with it, Dastari. You're delaying my war effort.
DASTARI: If you want this operation to succeed, Group Marshal, you will allow me to proceed as I decide and at the pace I consider appropriate. Count backwards from ten, Doctor.
DOCTOR 2: Certainly not.
DASTARI: As you wish.
DOCTOR 2: Do you expect me to cooperate in my own murder? I'm domni oik parl.

(The Doctor passes out. Chessene moves a device above the Doctor's head which sends beams down over his skull. He twitches. At a signal from Dastari, she turns it off again.)

DASTARI: The next step is partially to detach the occipital bones.

(Dastari turns the Doctor's head and moves in with a small electric saw.)

PERI [OC]: Hello?
CHESSENE: Wait!
PERI [OC]: Is anybody there?

[Outside the ice house]

(Anita checks inside.)

ANITA: Shall I come with you?
DOCTOR: No, you've done quite enough already bringing us here, Anita. I want you to collect Oscar and get off the estate as fast as you can.

(The Doctor offers his hand. Anita kisses him on the cheek then starts to leave. Jamie follows her.)

JAMIE: Er, Anita? Goodbye.

(Anita just shakes his hand.)

ANITA: Good luck.

[Entrance hall]

CHESSENE: American students?
PERI: Yes. We're planning to send parties every year and I'm surveying the district for suitable accommodation.

(Shockeye comes down the stairs.)

PERI: Can I ask, do you live alone or are there other occupants?
CHESSENE: I live alone, apart from my servant. Wait here, young woman.

(Chessene and Shockeye confer out of earshot.)

SHOCKEYE: We could eat her tonight. I could make a piquant sauce.
CHESSENE: Perhaps we shall, but first I must test my suspicions.
SHOCKEYE: What suspicions?
CHESSENE: The human mind is so flabby and vague it is hard to read, but she was constantly thinking of the Doctor.
SHOCKEYE: Eh?
CHESSENE: The Doctor.
SHOCKEYE: But she could have no knowledge of the Doctor. How would that be possible?
CHESSENE: We shall see. Have Dastari bring him through the hall. If there is a connection, she will give herself away when she sees him.
SHOCKEYE: And then we can cook her.

[Ice house]

(Jamie opens trapdoor in the floor of the dark, cool room. The Doctor begins to go down the ladder.)

DOCTOR: Mind how you go, Jamie. This ladder seems a ow!

(The Doctor vanishes rather quickly.)

JAMIE: A wee bit rickety. Is that what you were going to say, Doctor?

[Hacienda cellar]

DASTARI: You heard what Shockeye said. Chessene wants him taken upstairs.
SHOCKEYE: Her orders were quite clear.
STIKE: And I am ordering you to continue the operation. I will not tolerate further delay.
DASTARI: Force will get you nowhere, Stike. If you kill me you lose all chance, forever, of learning the Time Lords' genetic secret.
STIKE: Very well. But tell Chessene if the operation is not completed by the end of the day, I shall return to my unit and leave none of you alive here. Varl!
VARL: Sir. (The Sontarans leave.)
DASTARI: Militaristic buffoon.
SHOCKEYE: Chessene will deal with him. Have you ever eaten a Sontaran?
DASTARI: Certainly not.
SHOCKEYE: No, nor have I. They always seem so tough and tasteless.
DASTARI: Here, help me lift him into the wheelchair.

(The sixth Doctor and Jamie run across in the background. They hide behind barrels as Shockeye and Dastari wheel the second Doctor away. The Doctor pulls Jamie back.)

JAMIE: Are we not going after them?
DOCTOR: Let's have a good look round here, first.
JAMIE: But there's only two of them. We could easy
DOCTOR: One of them's an Androgum, Jamie. He could break us both in half with one hand.

[Entrance hall]

PERI: And, er, how many bedrooms?
CHESSENE: Seven.

(Dastari and Shockeye push the Doctor through the hallway.)

PERI: I thought you said you lived alone?
CHESSENE: Visitors.

(Dastari and Shockeye stop in front of Peri to give her a good look at the Doctor.)

CHESSENE: Take him through.

(The Doctor is wheeled away.)

PERI: Is he all right?
CHESSENE: He has had rather a tiring time lately.
SHOCKEYE: Madam?
CHESSENE: Shockeye, show this young woman around. She might be particularly interested in the kitchens.
SHOCKEYE: With pleasure, madam.
PERI: Er, well, thank you, I think I have all the information I need.
SHOCKEYE: Come.
PERI: Well, my friends'll be waiting for me.

(Peri flees. Chessene stops Shockeye from following.)

CHESSENE: If she has friends they will come enquiring after her.
SHOCKEYE: I think that was a lie. Animals always scent danger. They have to be dragged to the abattoir!

(Shockeye goes after Peri.)

[Cellar]

(The sixth Doctor is examining the Kartz-Reimer module.)

DOCTOR: They've got it almost exactly right, even down to the Briode Nebuliser. Look.
JAMIE: What is it?
DOCTOR: The Kartz-Reimer version of the TARDIS.
JAMIE: A TARDIS?
DOCTOR: Yeah.
JAMIE: Will it work?
DOCTOR: It will if I use it, or any other Time Lord, but not for anyone else.
JAMIE: Why not?
DOCTOR: This machine has to be primed, by what we call the Rassilon Imprimatur, that's a kind of symbiotic print within the physiology of a Time Lord. Once that's been absorbed into the Briode Nebuliser you have a time machine that anyone can use. That, of course, was what they didn't understand. They simply copied the technology, without realising that old Rassilon had a second trick up his sleeve.
STIKE: A most interesting lecture, Time Lord.

(The Sontarans have crept up behind them. Varl raises his weapon.)

[Countryside]

(Peri runs away from the hacienda with Shockeye in pursuit. She slips and falls.)

PERI: Ow!

(Shockeye stands over her.)

SHOCKEYE: Pretty, pretty. Here, my pretty one.

(Peri turns and stares as Shockeye reaches for her.)

Part Three

[Countryside]

(Peri tries to crawl out from between Shockeye's legs .)

SHOCKEYE: Steady, my little beauty. Come to Shockeye.

(Shockeye lifts Peri to her feet and enfolds her in his arms.)

SHOCKEYE: Oh, whoa, whoa. Oh, what a fine, fleshy beast. Ha! Just in your prime, and ripe for the knife!

(Shockeye hits Peri on the back of the neck, knocking her out.)

SHOCKEYE: Oh, pity it's not a jack. Still.

(He puts her over his shoulder and carries her back to the hacienda.)

[Cellar]

STIKE: Varl! Inform Chessene that we have another Time Lord for our collection.
VARL: Very good, sir.

(Varl leaves.)

STIKE: I am Group Marshal Stike, Commander of the Ninth Sontaran Battle Group.
DOCTOR: A long way from the war, aren't you, Stike? Going badly, is it?
STIKE: On the contrary. And thanks to the information you've just given me, I shall be back in time for the crucial battle.
DOCTOR: My money's still on the Rutans.
STIKE: Into the machine, Time Lord.
DOCTOR: Why? Oh, of course. You don't really expect me to give the Sontarans the power of unlimited time travel, do you?

(Stike grabs Jamie, twisting his arm across his own throat.)

STIKE: Do it, or your comrade dies. Get in!

(The Doctor obeys. Stike operates the machine and moves away as it briefly disappears then reappears again. The Doctor gets out.)

DOCTOR: Satisfied?
STIKE: So, the machine is now primed?
DOCTOR: Yes.
STIKE: Excellent. I shall now execute your comrade.
DOCTOR: Wait! Now, that's why you Sontarans have no allies. You can't be trusted.

(Jamie reaches for his sgien dubh in the top of his boot.)

STIKE: We have no need of allies. Sontaran might is invincible!

(Jamie stabs Stike in the knee. The Doctor frees Jamie from his grasp.)

DOCTOR: Run, Jamie!

(Stike tries to shoot at them but misses, then collapses as his leg cannot take his weight. The Doctor and Jamie get away. Chessene comes down the stairs, followed by Dastari and Varl.)

CHESSENE: Who has done this to you, Stike?
STIKE: A Time Lord.
CHESSENE: Impossible. How could the Time Lords have traced us?
STIKE: It's the truth. I did not do this to myself!
DASTARI: The Doctor's companion at the Space Station had a knife like that.

(Stike pulls the knife out.)

[Side room]

(The Doctor and Jamie run across the courtyard into the main house. Jamie spots his Doctor tied to the wheelchair in front of the Dona's shrine.)

JAMIE: Doctor!
DOCTOR 2: Jamie! There you are, Jamie.

(The two doctors stare at each other for a few moments.)

DOCTORS: Snap!
DOCTOR: I've come a long way for you!
DOCTOR 2: Naturally. Don't expect any thanks.

(The front door creaks.)

JAMIE: I think someone's coming.

(They wheel him into -)

[Entrance hall]

JAMIE: Too late!
DOCTOR: Upstairs. Extemporise.

(The Doctor and Jamie run up the stairs. The second Doctor pretends to be asleep. Shockeye enters, carrying Peri.)

SHOCKEYE: Wake up, old Time Lord. Supper will soon be served.

(Shockeye carries Peri on through to the kitchen.)

[Ice house]

(Stike comes up through the trapdoor as Chessene enters.)

CHESSENE: They've escaped.
STIKE: Typical cowardice.
CHESSENE: They'll come back. They have to. Dastari, you come with me. Stike, you and Varl search the area.

(Chessene and Dastari leave.)

STIKE: That Androgum has given its last order.
VARL: Sir?
STIKE: I have outwitted Chessene. The Time Module is now fully operational, Major Varl, so you and I can return to our unit.
VARL: Excellent news, sir.
STIKE: Come!

[Entrance hall]

(Chessene and Dastari enter.)

CHESSENE: Now that the Time Lords have located us, Dastari, we must move quickly.
DASTARI: The operation cannot be hurried, Chessene.
CHESSENE: I'm aware of that, but I have a contingency plan. It's been in my mind for some time.
DASTARI: What contingency plan?
CHESSENE: I want you to turn this Time Lord into an Androgum. You could do that, I know.
DASTARI: Well, if I had the genetic material.
CHESSENE: Take it from Shockeye.
DASTARI: Shockeye?
CHESSENE: I want you to make a consort for me. Leave him the power of time travel, leave the symbiotic nuclei within him, but turn him into an Androgum by blood and by instinct. How long would that take?
DASTARI: Not long - two simple operations. The first to implant the genetic material, and then a second operation to stabilise his condition.

(The second Doctor opens his eyes in horror. Fortunately, Dastari and Chessene are standing behind him and do not notice.)

CHESSENE: Good. Then that is what we shall do.

[Kitchen]

(Shockeye is sharpening his butcher's knife. Peri is lying on the table. He goes over and turns her head in preparation for cutting her jugular vein.)

CHESSENE [OC]: Shockeye!

(Shockeye stops the cut and Chessene enters.)

CHESSENE: I want you to help Dastari get the Doctor back to the operating theatre.
SHOCKEYE: Oh, can't I trim the beast first, madam? It'll only take a few minutes.
CHESSENE: Later, Shockeye. Dastari wants to operate immediately.
SHOCKEYE: Oh, if you say so.

[Outside the back of the hacienda]

STIKE: Orders.
VARL: Yes, sir?
STIKE: Return to the craft and contact Sontaran High Command. Report that we have possession of a functioning Time Space machine. Request permission to use it to rejoin our unit at the Madillon Cluster.
VARL: Yes, sir.
STIKE: That done, set the craft to self-destruct. I intend to leave no one alive here.

[Cellar]

DOCTOR 2: No! You know what this precious pair have cooked up for you, Shockeye?
DASTARI: That's enough.
DOCTOR 2: No! I don't want to be turned into an Androgum!

(Chessene shoots Shockeye. He falls across the operating table.)

SHOCKEYE: Chessene!

[Kitchen]

(The Doctor throws a small jug of water over Peri's face. Jamie is keeping watch at the door.)

PERI: Ugh!
DOCTOR: Peri, can you stand?
PERI: Oh, my head. What happened?
DOCTOR: Can you stand?
PERI: Yes, I think so.
DOCTOR: Come on, then. Let's get out of here.

[Cellar]

(Shockeye and the second Doctor are on operating tables linked by hefty coils of wire. The Doctor has a muslin cover over him, but we can clearly see that he has already acquired the Androgum bushy red eyebrows.)

CHESSENE: How long?
DASTARI: A few minutes only. It's essentially the same operation I performed many times on you.
CHESSENE: But this time in reverse. This time you are taking from an Androgum, rather than augmenting one.
DASTARI: The principle's no different. What will you do when Stike discovers the plan's been changed?
CHESSENE: I have no further use for Stike. He and his underling must be destroyed.

[Outside the hacienda]

(Jamie, Peri, and the Doctor hide in a stand of trees near the house.)

JAMIE: What now? They've still got the Doctor.
DOCTOR: And they're turning him into an Androgum.
JAMIE: How long will it take?
DOCTOR: You heard Dastari, two operations. I thought Stike would have acted by now.
PERI: How?
DOCTOR: I mean, he has a functioning time machine. I would expect him to try and kill both Chessene and Dastari before he leaves, so why isn't my plan working?
JAMIE: Your plan?
DOCTOR: Jamie, you don't think someone of Stike's build can sneak up behind me without my hearing him, do you?
JAMIE: You knew he was there?
DOCTOR: That's why I said what I did. None of it was strictly true, but he believed it because I was talking to you.
JAMIE: But the machine worked. I saw it.
DOCTOR: Oh yes, it worked for me, but it won't work for him because I have the Briode Nebuliser.

[Cellar]

DASTARI: I've given the Time Lord a fifty percent Androgum inheritance. Within an hour that will become the dominant genetic factor. I can then stabilise his cell structure.
CHESSENE: Before then we must deal with the Sontarans.
DASTARI: How?
CHESSENE: Coronic acid kills them.
DASTARI: We have no coronic acid.
CHESSENE: I took the precaution of having three canister prepared before we left the station, just in case.

(Chessene and Dastari leave. Shockeye wakes, discovers his situation and breaks the restraints on his operating table.)

SHOCKEYE: Chessene, you have betrayed me. You have fouled the blood of the Quauncing Grig.

(He pulls the cover off the second Doctor, who is awake and smiling.)

DOCTOR 2: Capercaillies in brandy sauce.
SHOCKEYE: What?
DOCTOR 2: With a stuffing of black pudding made of live pig's blood, herbs, and pepper. And the breasts of the birds should be slit and studded with truffles.
SHOCKEYE: You know the cuisine of this planet?
DOCTOR 2: Of course I do. I have eaten pressed duck at the Tour d'Argent. They are fed only on corn, fruit pulp and molasses. They're exquisite, Shockeye. Why am I thinking of food?
SHOCKEYE: Because you are now an Androgum. Can you lead me to one of these eating places to sample the local dishes?
DOCTOR 2: Of course I can, but you will need proper clothes.
SHOCKEYE: Proper clothes?
DOCTOR 2: A collar, a neck tie, at least.
SHOCKEYE: Oh. I know where there are clothes.

[Outside the ice house]

(Dastari beckons the Sontarans towards the building.)

DOCTOR: Action, I think.
DASTARI: Stike, Varl, this way.

(Dastari walks away, and Varl raises a rifle to shoot him as our heroes run across in the background.)

STIKE: Not yet. Chessene first. She's more dangerous.

(The Sontarans walk up to Dastari, watched from outside the wall of the grounds.)

STIKE: What is it, Dastari?
DASTARI: The Time Lord has returned. We saw him from the house.
STIKE: Where is he?
DASTARI: He's entered the passage. Chessene's waiting in the cellar. Now, if you go in this way, we have him trapped.
DOCTOR: A double double-cross. It gets more interesting by the minute.

(The Sontarans enter the ice house, shut the door and go down the ladder into the passageway. Chessene enters and drops a canister down through the trapdoor. It goes off like a Roman Candle. Varl grabs his head and collapses. Chessene drops the second canister and Stike starts to melt. Chessene walks outside and crosses the courtyard to the main house.)

JAMIE: Looks like Chessene's won.
DOCTOR: Yeah
PERI: Doctor.

(Shockeye and the second Doctor are walking outside the outer wall, wearing top hats and tails.)

DOCTOR 2: Quail pate, I think, Shockeye, followed by a bisque de crevettes, hmm? I know an eating house
DOCTOR: Now where are they going?
JAMIE: They look quite pally.

[Cellar]

(Dastari and Chessene enter.)

DASTARI: Where have they gone?
CHESSENE: They're hunting food.
DASTARI: If the Doctor isn't stabilised within the hour
CHESSENE: He'll reject the transfusion. I'm well aware of that.
DASTARI: We must find them.
CHESSENE: Wait. On this planet there is little hunting. The Doa Arana remembers many restaurants in Sevilla. That is where they shall be. Come!

(Dastari follows Chessene out, and Stike emerges from behind a pillar. He has lots of green slime on his face.)

STIKE: Treacherous hag. I shall return to destroy this Androgum filth.

[Country lane]

SHOCKEYE: Tell me, on this planet, do they ever eat their own?
DOCTOR 2: I believe in the Far Indies it has been known, but I remember a dish, shepherd's pie.
SHOCKEYE: Shepherd's pie? A shepherd. Can't we walk quicker?

(The sixth Doctor, Jamie and Peri are running to catch up.)

[Road]

(The lane runs alongside a tarmaced road.)

DOCTOR 2: Wait. There's a machine coming.

(The second Doctor runs to flag down a small Ebro truck. Shockeye picks up a stout piece of tree branch. As the driver leans out of his cab to ask the Doctor's motives, Shockeye hits him and he rolls away from the road.)

SHOCKEYE: Can you drive this machine?
DOCTOR 2: Of course I can. Get in, my friend. We shall be in Seville in five minutes!

(The Doctor, Jamie and Peri run up as the truck drives off.)

JAMIE: I can't believe that was my Doctor just standing there and letting a man get killed.
DOCTOR: Right now I'm afraid he's eighty percent Androgum. By the time the effect reaches me it will be close to a hundred percent.
PERI: Reaches you?
DOCTOR: And it will, unless we can save him. I'm already beginning to feel changes.
JAMIE: Eh? Well, come on, then.

[Cellar]

(Stike pulls the control panel from the outside of the Kartz-Reimer module and takes it inside with him. He slots it into place, closes the door and operates it. The module shakes and fills with smoke, then electricity arcs above him. He falls out.)

STIKE: My space craft.

[Seville]

(Plaza del Trifuno, I think, by the cathedral.)

JAMIE: Oh, look, we'll never find him here, Doctor.
PERI: It's too big.
DOCTOR: Look!

(The stolen truck is parked across the road. They run across and the Doctor touches the bonnet.)

DOCTOR: They can't be more than a minute ahead of us. This way, I think.
PERI: How do you know?
DOCTOR: Peri, it is me we're following.

(Chessene and Dastari enter the plaza in a horse-drawn carriage.)

JAMIE: I still don't understand it.
DOCTOR: What?
JAMIE: Well, that you and the Doctor, well, my Doctor are the same person.
DOCTOR: Of course we're the same, but different. You only have to see how my sartorial taste has improved, for instance.
PERI: But how can two of you be together at the same point in space and time?
DOCTOR: When you travel around as much as I do, it's almost inevitable that you'll run into yourself at some point. Come on.

(Meanwhile, Shockeye and the second Doctor have reached Plaza Alianza.)

SHOCKEYE: Personally I have never seen the necessity for starting a meal with a, what was your word?
DOCTOR 2: Hors d'oeuvres.
SHOCKEYE: Quite unnecessary, in my opinion. Eight or nine main dishes are quite enough in my opinion.
DOCTOR 2: Well, on this planet it is the custom. All the greatest chefs agree, Carema, Brillat Savaran, the noble Escoffier, they all agree that one should begin with a light dish, something to bring relish to the appetite. Pate du foie gras de Strasburg on croute, for instance, or a serving of Beylon oysters. Even a, even a light salad with artichoke hearts and country ham will suffice. It gets the digestive juices flowing!
SHOCKEYE: How much further is this place?
DOCTOR 2: It's just round the next corner, if I remember rightly.

(The Doctor, Peri and Jamie are walking down the Calle Justino del Neve when they see Chessene and Dastari at the far end. They dive into a doorway. Seeing nothing, the aliens go up to La Hosteria del Laurel.)

DOCTOR: They're checking the restaurants. Something I should have thought of. Come on, let's find them before Chessene does.
(Dastari comes out of the Hosteria and a young woman throws a flower down to him from her balcony. He picks it up and takes it to Chessene.
Meanwhile, the dying Stike staggers out of the hacienda just as his space craft self- destructs, as per his orders.)

[Las Cadenas]

(Oscar Botcherby hands menus to customers then goes to a waiter.)

OSCAR: Juan, can you see to table six.

(Then he goes over to the latest people to enter the restaurant. Anita is at the desk.)

OSCAR: Welcome to Las Cadenas, seors. Oh, how delightful to have see gentlemen of the old school. May I enquire if you have a booking?
SHOCKEYE: Booking? I want food.
OSCAR: No reservation. Well, come this way. Fortunately, I have an excellent table for you.

(Shockeye and the second Doctor follow Oscar through to their table.)

SHOCKEYE: Do you serve humans here?
OSCAR: Most of the time, sir. Yes, I think I could venture to say that most of our customers are certainly human.
SHOCKEYE: I mean human meat, you fawning imbecile.
OSCAR: No, sir. I'm afraid the nouvelle cuisine has not yet penetrated this establishment. Juan?

[Seville]

(Peri comes out of Hostal Monreal on Calle Rodrigo Caro and meets up with the Doctor an Jamie nearby.)

JAMIE: No.
DOCTOR: No luck?
PERI: No, just a load of tourists eating paella and chips.
DOCTOR: No, didn't look the kind of place. They'd have gone for somewhere more elaborate.
JAMIE: What's wrong?
DOCTOR: Oh, there's a cat.
PERI: What about it?
DOCTOR: Well, they say there's more than one way to cook a cat. Here, pussy, pussy, puss-puss! Here, little puss.

(The cat flees.)

PERI: Doctor, what are you doing?
DOCTOR: They can make quite good eating. Small mammals are quite flavoursome when baked.
PERI: What are you saying? I don't understand.
DOCTOR: I knew it would happen. I'm turning into an Androgum.
PERI: You can't!
JAMIE: You're not an Androgum. You're a Time Lord! Pull yourself together, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, that's right. I'm a Time Lord.

(The Doctor sticks his head in a nearby fountain in the Plaza Dona Elvira.)

JAMIE: Are you better now?
DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, yes, I'm all right. For the moment.

[Las Cadenas]

OSCAR: What on Earth have they had? Nobody can run up a bill for eighty one thousand, six hundred pesetas.
ANITA: What? Let me see. They've had lobsters, clams, and squid, brains in white sauce, two whole suckling pigs, a ham with figs, eight steaks, and an entire family paella!
OSCAR: A whole paella?
ANITA: And
OSCAR: That's twelve servings.
ANITA: They've just ordered a dozen breasts of pigeons, probably to help down the last of their dozen bottles of wine.
OSCAR: What a gargantuan repast. It's incredible. And they're still eating!

[Seville]

(Once again, our group hide from Chessene and Dastari.)

DOCTOR: They've covered that way, so we'll go this.

[Las Cadenas]

ANITA: I think they should start paying now, Oscar.
OSCAR: Yes. Well, leave it to me.

(Oscar goes over to Shockeye and the second Doctor's table. The Doctor seems full, but Shockeye is still eating.)

OSCAR: I trust everything was to your satisfaction, gentlemen?
SHOCKEYE: Oh, tolerable, tolerable.
OSCAR: May I say what a pleasure it has been to see two such dedicated trenchermen enjoying their food. Unfortunately the reckoning is rather high.
SHOCKEYE: What is this?
OSCAR: Well, it's the amount you owe, sir.
SHOCKEYE: Do you understand this?
DOCTOR 2: He is asking for money.
SHOCKEYE: Money?
DOCTOR 2: Tokens of exchange.
SHOCKEYE: This is our tally?
OSCAR: Yes, sir.
SHOCKEYE: Ah.

(Shockeye produces a bank note.)

SHOCKEYE: Here. Keep the change.
OSCAR: I'm sorry, sir. I mean, I can see you're a wit as well as a bon vivant, but this, whatever it is, is not acceptable.
SHOCKEYE: That is a twenty narg note! You can change that anywhere in the Nine Planets!
OSCAR: Well, it's not acceptable here, sir.

[Seville]

(The sixth Doctor, Jamie and Peri arrive at Calle Vida. Peri spots a familiar name.)

PERI: Las Cadenas. (no stress on any syllable)
DOCTOR: Las Cadenas. (stress on De.)
PERI: Well, isn't it where Oscar works?
JAMIE: Aye, I think that was the name. Mind you, there seems to be more places to eat in this town than you'd find fleas on a dog.
DOCTOR: Dog? Where?

[Las Cadenas]

ANITA: Oscar, you must stop them.
OSCAR: Yes. Yes, I must.

(The Doctor is asleep, head on the tablecloth.)

OSCAR: Gentleman, if this is a joke, it has gone on long enough. If you don't wish to pay cash we can accept any recognised credit card.

(Shockeye picks up a knife and puts it to Oscar's throat.)

SHOCKEYE: I will pay you with this.
OSCAR: What?
SHOCKEYE: Your whining importunacy has acidised my digestive juices.

(Shockeye stabs Oscar. Anita screams, Oscar staggers to a chair while Anita makes a telephone call. The sixth Doctor, Peri and Jamie run in.)

PERI: Oscar!
DOCTOR: What happened?
OSCAR: Officer. Promptly on the scene as always.
DOCTOR: Let me see that.
OSCAR: Ridiculous thing to happen. Dissatisfied customers usually just don't leave a tip.
PERI: Doctor?
ANITA: You're going to be all right, Oscar. I phoned for the ambulance and the Guardia Civil.
OSCAR: No, no, I'm afraid this is Botcherby's last curtain call.
ANITA: Oh, no.
OSCAR: No one will ever see my definitive Hamlet now.
PERI: We will! We'll all be there on the first night, Oscar.
ANITA: Yes.
OSCAR: To die, to sleep. To sleep, perchance to dream. Where are you, Anita?
ANITA: I'm here.
OSCAR: Please, take care of my beautiful moths.

(Oscar dies.)

DOCTOR: Good night, sweet prince.
JAMIE: Doctor, just look at the Doctor. His face.

(The characteristics of an Androgum fade from the second Doctor. The Doctor sits him up.)

DOCTOR: Can you walk?
DOCTOR 2: Walk? Of course I can walk.
DOCTOR: Right. Come on.

(The Doctor hauls him to his feet. He is heavy.)

DOCTOR: I am a police officer. Come along with me, sir.
DOCTOR 2: What is this?
DOCTOR: Anything that you may say
DOCTOR 2: Who do I think you are?
DOCTOR: May be used in evidence against you.
JAMIE: We'd better go.

(Jamie and Peri leave Anita weeping over Oscar.)

[Seville]

DOCTOR: Now you come along with me!
DOCTOR 2: How dare you! Let go of me!
DOCTOR: This way!
DOCTOR 2: No, this way.
DOCTOR: Now look, you got me into this mess.
PERI: Will you two please stop squabbling? We'll go this way.

(The men follow Peri.)

CHESSENE: No. You'll come this way. We have some unfinished business to attend to.

(Everyone raises their hands at the sight of Chessene's laser pistol. They are marched back to the hacienda, where Shockeye sees them from the bedroom window. He has changed back into his own clothes.)

[Entrance hall]

DOCTOR 2: Oh, my word, what a mess.
DOCTOR: Mmm. I think perhaps, Dastari, you ought to sack your chatelaine.
CHESSENE: Shockeye. What has happened here?
SHOCKEYE: It seems that Group Marshal Stike vaporised his space craft and himself. I found this.

(Shockeye holds up a lower leg.)

DASTARI: So he survived the coronic acid.
CHESSENE: Obviously. Down to the cellars. You know the way, I think.

(She gives the pistol to Shockeye and leads the way.)

[Cellar]

CHESSENE: The control box has been moved. Is it damaged?
DASTARI: The Briode Nebuliser's missing.
DOCTOR: Do you mean this?
CHESSENE: Why did you remove it?
DOCTOR: Because it contains my symbiotic print.

(Chessene takes it from him.)

CHESSENE: Return this to the machine.
DASTARI: How did your Time Lord imprint get into this?
DOCTOR: Stike forced me to prime and use the machine.
CHESSENE: There is a simple way of testing whether you are still trying to deceive us. Come, girl.
JAMIE: No!
SHOCKEYE: Come, girl.

(The Doctor nods as Chessene puts Peri into the module.)

CHESSENE: Now we shall see.

(Dastari operates the control panel. Peri and the module disappear.)

DOCTOR: There you are.
DASTARI: Kartz and Reimer experimented like this many times. The subjects always vapourised into the time stream.
DOCTOR: Peri won't. And she hasn't any symbiotic nuclei, I can assure you.

(Dastari brings the module back, and Chessene opens the door.)

CHESSENE: Out.
DOCTOR: Satisfied?
CHESSENE: Dastari, chain these creatures up.
DOCTOR: Chain us up? After I've handed you the secret of time travel on a plate. Come on, Chessene. Where's your gratitude?
CHESSENE: Dastari.
DASTARI: Come on. Come along.

(Chessene and Shockeye are left alone.)

SHOCKEYE: Madam, before we leave, let me cook one of the humans.
CHESSENE: Didn't you sate your appetite sufficiently in the city?
SHOCKEYE: A mere snack. You promised we could have a human before leaving Earth.
CHESSENE: Well, if it would please you. Take the one in the skirt. He's the youngest of the jacks.
SHOCKEYE: Thank you, madam.

(Dastari has tied the two Doctors to a pillar base. Peri is opposite them. Shockeye grabs Jamie's arm and twists it behind his back.)

JAMIE: Get your hands off me!
SHOCKEYE: Steady, my beauty. Oh, there's some juiceful meat on this one, Chessene.
DOCTOR 2: Jamie!

(Shockeye takes Jamie upstairs. Dastari places the manacle keys on a nearby table then leaves.)

DOCTOR 2: You might at least say goodbye! You're almost as clever as I am.
PERI: What does he mean?
DOCTOR 2: I presume you've sabotaged the Briode nebuliser?
DOCTOR: Pared the interface.
DOCTOR 2: Precisely what I would have done.
PERI: But it worked, didn't it?
DOCTOR: I left a thin membrane so it would work once. I knew she'd want to test it.
DOCTOR 2: There's no need to be so smug. We've got to get Jamie out of that butcher's hands.
DOCTORS: Can you reach that wheelchair?
PERI: I'm not elastic.
DOCTOR 2: I think you could reach it with your feet, if you try.

(Peri just manages to reach it.)

DOCTOR: Good girl!
PERI: What's the idea, Doctor?
DOCTOR 2: Push it over towards him.
PERI: Why? He's not going anywhere.
DOCTOR 2: Come along.
DOCTOR: That's it!

(The sixth Doctor uses his feet to manoeuvre the wheel chair under the table.)

DOCTOR: What do you think?
DOCTOR 2: It might work. It's worth a try.

(The Doctor pushes the wheelchair foot rest under the table foot rest.)

DOCTOR 2: That's it. Easy does it.
DOCTOR: Right.

(The Doctor tips the wheelchair onto its back, tipping the table at the same time. The keys fall to the floor and he kicks them to his hands and unmanacles himself. He's about to unfasten the second Doctor when there is a scream from upstairs.)

DOCTOR 2: Never mind me. That's Jamie. Help him!

(The sixth Doctor runs to the stairs.)

DOCTOR 2: The key!

(The Doctor throws the keys back across the floor.)

[Kitchen]

(Shockeye has tied Jamie to the kitchen table, and is applying what looks like a modified sanding tool to his thighs. It hurts.)

DASTARI: What are you doing?
SHOCKEYE: Tenderising the meat. Oh, see how the flesh is marbling. That's the fatty tissue breaking up.
DASTARI: You should kill him first, surely?
SHOCKEYE: It works better on a live animal.

(Shockeye tenderises Jamie's chest.)

DASTARI: It looks very painful.
SHOCKEYE: That's simply a nervous reflex. I've been butchering all my life. Primitive creatures don't feel pain in the way that we would.

(Shockeye aims his device at Jamie's liver. The sixth Doctor is listening from the staircase. Shockeye exchanges the tenderiser for a large knife.)

SHOCKEYE: Now, this is the part, I always say, where you can tell a butcher from a botcher. The meat should always have a clean edge.

(Chessene storms in.)

CHESSENE: Dastari, you fool! One of the Time Lords has escaped.
DASTARI: That's impossible.
CHESSENE: You couldn't have fastened the manacle properly.
DASTARI: I tell you I did.
CHESSENE: Don't argue! It's vital that he be caught and killed.
DASTARI: Chessene, listen to me. To kill a Time Lord would mean the destruction of everything we've achieved. The Gallifreyans have powers we've not even dreamed of.
CHESSENE: Kill him, I tell you. Kill him!

(Dastari takes the weapon Chessene holds out to him and leaves.)

SHOCKEYE: This will only take a few minutes, madam. I thought we could have the saddle and the haunches for supper.
CHESSENE: Never mind that now, Shockeye. I want that Time Lord found!

(Chessene leaves. Shockeye puts down the knife and follows. Once the coast is clear, the Doctor comes down the stairs and into the kitchen.)

DOCTOR: Jamie? Jamie, can you hear me?

(Jamie just moans. The Doctor takes Shockeye's knife and cuts his feet and left hand free.)

DOCTOR: Jamie, wake up.

(Shockeye enters and takes the knife from the Doctor.)

SHOCKEYE: I thought you might return to help the primitive.

(The Doctor tries to free Jamie's right hand and gets a cut in the leg for his efforts. He runs outside before collapsing in pain then limping out of the main gate.)

[Courtyard]

CHESSENE: Shockeye! The Time Lord.
SHOCKEYE: I know, madam. I wounded him. Look.

(There is a blood pool on the bottom step.)

CHESSENE: Then follow his blood trail. Kill him, Shockeye.
SHOCKEYE: Certainly, madam.

(Shockeye leaves. Dastari watches as Chessene backs away from the blood slowly before finally lying down and smearing the blood onto her hand. As she licks it, Dastari turns his head away.)

[Kitchen]

(Jamie wakes. He discovers that he is only tied to the table by one hand, so he slides off and gets Shockeye's knife to free himself.)

JAMIE: Right. I'll have that Shockeye, so I will.

[Cellar]

(The second Doctor frees Peri.)

DOCTOR 2: Come along, Peri, it's time we were off.
PERI: Okay.

(Dastari comes down the stairs.)

DASTARI: Chessene wants me to kill you.

[Countryside]

SHOCKEYE: Your run has nearly ended, Time Lord. Give up, Time Lord, you cannot escape Shockeye o' the Quauncing Grig!

(The Doctor arrives at the place where the late Oscar left his moth hunting kit. He sniffs the contents of the killing jar, then pours some of the crystals onto the cotton wool pad and adds water. Shockeye is getting closer. He slows down and pulls his cutlass from his cummerbund as he approaches the kit on the ground.)

SHOCKEYE: The blood is warm and salt, Time Lord. I know how near you are.

(Shockeye leans against a tree trunk. The Doctor puts the net over his head and the cotton wool pad over his mouth. There is a brief struggle before the Doctor lowers Shockeye to the ground.)

DOCTOR: Your just desserts.

[Cellar]

(Jamie goes down the stairs then hides underneath them as Chessene walks down.)

DASTARI [OC]: I remember it very clearly, Doctor.
DOCTOR 2 [OC]: There speaks the real Dastari.

(Dastari, the second Doctor and Peri are by the Kartz-Reimer Module.)

DOCTOR 2: My old friend!

(They turn to see Chessene holding a gun on them.)

CHESSENE: I ordered you to kill these two. Why are they still alive?
DASTARI: There's been enough killing, Chessene, and it's my fault. I took an Androgum, a lowly, unthinking creature of instinct, and tried to set her among the gods.
CHESSENE: I put myself among the gods. And now I shall liberate my people. With me as their leader we shall reign over all other beings.

(Dastari reaches for her, and she shoots him. The second Doctor and Peri try to run for it.)

CHESSENE: Stop!

(Jamie throws his knife, knocking the gun from her hand. Quickly, she gets into the module and operates it. It begins to shake and fill with smoke. Jamie beckons his Doctor and Peri over. The module explodes and Chessene falls out, screaming.)

PERI: Is she dead?
DOCTOR 2: Very.

(Chessene returns to the warty, red eyebrow appearance of an Androgum.)

DOCTOR 2: Molecular disintegration. Horrible.
PERI: That's it then.
JAMIE: Aye, except for that Shockeye.

(The sixth Doctor limps in.)

DOCTOR: He's been, er, mothballed. My word, that's a mess! It'll take you a while to put that back together again!
DOCTOR 2: That will not be necessary.

(The second Doctor holds up a small thin device. The sixth Doctor makes a grab for it.)

DOCTOR: A Stattenheim remote control? Where did you get that? I've always wanted one of those.
DOCTOR 2: Some of us have earned these little privileges.

(The second Doctor whistles and the TARDIS materialises nearby. The Doctor opens the door.)

DOCTOR 2: Jamie.
JAMIE: Er, after you, Doctor.
DOCTOR 2: No, after you, Jamie.
JAMIE: Goodbye, Peri.
PERI: Bye.

(Jamie and Peri shake hands, then Jamie kisses her on the cheek.)

JAMIE: Doctor.
DOCTOR: Jamie. Keep an eye on the old gentleman, will you?

(Jamie enters the TARDIS.)

DOCTOR 2: Do try and keep out of my way in future and in past, there's a good fellow. The time continuum should be big enough for the both of us. Just.
DOCTOR: Do you know, I think I preferred you as an Androgum.

(The Second Doctor enters the TARDIS. It dematerialises.)

[Entrance hall]

DOCTOR: Of all the conceited ingrates! Do you know, he almost succeeded in concealing my natural charm.
PERI: Was that your TARDIS?
DOCTOR: Mmm.
PERI: I don't understand. How can it be in two places at the same time?
DOCTOR: That's the whole point. It's not in two places at the same time. My TARDIS is at least five minutes walk from here. After you.
PERI: No, after you.
DOCTOR: No, After you.
PERI: Doctor? We're not going fishing again, are we?
DOCTOR: No. From now on it's a healthy vegetarian diet for both of us.

Transcript originally provided by Chrissie. Adapted by TARDIS.guide. The transcripts are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.

Back to top