DOCTOR: Small though it is, the human brain can be quite effective when working at full efficiency.

DOCTOR: Your Doctor is an antediluvian fogey. Allowing himself to be captured by the Sontarans. If anything happens to myself as a result of it I will never forgive himself.

PERI: Oh, I do wish you'd stop switching personal pronouns. It'd make it a lot easier to understand what you're talking about.

PERI: And what did it mean, defence alert?

DOCTOR: (sighs) The usual. Floor trips, electronic sensors, death rays, jets of nerve gas. Nothing to worry about.

PERI: Oh, good. I was afraid it might mean something serious.

DOCTOR: Of all the conceited ingrates! Do you know, he almost succeeded in concealing my natural charm.

PERI: Was that your Tardis?

DOCTOR: Mmm.

PERI: I don't understand. How can it be in two places at the same time?

DOCTOR: That's the whole point. It's not in two places at the same time. My Tardis is at least five minutes walk from here. After you.

PERI: No, after you.

DOCTOR: No, After you.

PERI: Doctor? We're not going fishing again, are we?

DOCTOR: No. From now on it's a healthy vegetarian diet for both of us.

OSCAR: No, no, I'm afraid this is Botcherby's last curtain call.

ANITA: Oh, no.

OSCAR: No one will ever see my definitive Hamlet now.

PERI: We will! We'll all be there on the first night, Oscar.

ANITA: Yes.

OSCAR: To die, to sleep. To sleep, perchance to dream. Where are you, Anita?

ANITA: I'm here.

OSCAR: Please, take care of my beautiful moths.

(Oscar dies.)

DOCTOR: Good night, sweet prince.

DOCTOR: Oh, there's a cat.

PERI: What about it?

DOCTOR: Well, they say there's more than one way to cook a cat. Here, pussy, pussy, puss-puss! Here, little puss.

(The cat flees.)

PERI: Doctor, what are you doing?

DOCTOR: They can make quite good eating. Small mammals are quite flavoursome when baked.

OSCAR: Welcome to Las Cadenas, señors. Oh, how delightful to have see gentlemen of the old school. May I enquire if you have a booking?

SHOCKEYE: Booking? I want food.

OSCAR: No reservation. Well, come this way. Fortunately, I have an excellent table for you.

(Shockeye and the second Doctor follow Oscar through to their table.)

SHOCKEYE: Do you serve humans here?

OSCAR: Most of the time, sir. Yes, I think I could venture to say that most of our customers are certainly human.

SHOCKEYE: I mean human meat, you fawning imbecile.

OSCAR: No, sir. I'm afraid the nouvelle cuisine has not yet penetrated this establishment. Juan?

PERI: Oh, Doctor, you scared us. Do you have to creep up like that?

DOCTOR: You were expecting a brass band?

PERI: Circular logic will only make you dizzy, Doctor.

DOCTOR: The most likely explanation, of course, is that I haven't synchronised properly yet. Some kind of time-slip in the subconscious.

PERI: Perhaps you should see a doctor.

DOCTOR: Are you trying to be funny?

PERI: No, it was just a suggestion.

DOCTOR: Actually, that's not such a bad idea.

PERI: I think you fainted.

DOCTOR: I never faint. I remember now. I felt a weakness. I felt a weakness and then I, I was in another place.

PERI: Can I get you anything? Celery! That's what you need.

DOCTOR: Celery, yes. And the tensile strength of jelly babies! But I, I had a clarinet. Or was it a flute? Something you blew into.

PERI: A glass of water?

DOCTOR: Water? No, don't think so. A recorder! That's what it was. Some kind of mind lock.

DOCTOR: You know, I think it was Rassilon who once said, there are few ways in which a Time Lord can be more innocently occupied, then in catching fish.