The Timeless Children

Timeless Children is a failure on several levels. The whole revelation itself, as confusing as it may be and out of lockstep with so much of established Who lore, at least it was in theory a bold new direction for the character.

Where we tumble in quality - and we really are just hitting rock bottom in terms of quality, is how this story is executed. The Doctor is stripped of all agency, which could be interesting if done well, but no, it is so she can be told everything in a glorified PowerPoint presentation. The clown show only gets worse as everyone just feels totally out of it, performance wise. Everything is so dependant on effects and ideas clearly not on stage with the actors (all of which just look so terrible and have serious lighting issues), too often the actors have to be vague or neutral in their performances, leaving everyone feeling like a flat dud.

This is a franchise with Absorbaloffs, squiggly line monsters, diner girl Claras, and so much more stinky entries into its history, but nothing quite feels as underwhelming, disappointing, cynical, and poorly executed as this one. The Doctor's big heroic move is letting someone else die in her place. The companions' role and place in this story ranges from useless to an annoying distraction. It makes me sad in the worst way possible as a fan.

And what is worse of all is that all it really does is damage. There was no pay-off to the Timeless Children, we know that now. But it did walk back Moffat's Day of the Doctor and the big moment of saving Gallifrey. It did tremendous damage to the idea of the Doctor just being this outcast nobody in Time Lord society. And it did tremendous damage to the prestige and hard-fought respect the show had earned over the years during its reboot.

I don't blame people for wanting the show to have been cancelled after this. Chibnall essentially ground the franchise to a bitter halt with a non-story that barely qualifies as a plot, feeling more like a recap episode to events never seen before. I'm glad things are going in a different direction, but I get it. This was miserable. Stuff like the Cyber Lords and Ashad feel completely pointless, especially knowing the full extent of the Chibnall era. I've also always found this incarnation of the Master to be so, so lame. Some fans seem to really like it, all I can say is that Sacha is a wonderful actor I find makes for a bad Master. It could just be Chibnall writing him poorly.

The only reason this doesn't get a 1/10 is that somehow, in spite of all of this, the stuff with The Division from earlier in The Ascension of Cyberman is executed kind of perfectly and is paid off well here.  Oh, don't get me wrong, it ultimately never went anywhere and clearly was fumbled down the road, but the actual story there, told in this very strange allegory - that is how the whole episode should have been. That would have actually been interesting and nuanced. It's so clever though, it feels like it is a completely different entity from a completely different show at this point. I don't know, it just seems like the Division content in Timeless Children is a hint of what could have been, while the rest of the episode is a firm reminder of what we actually got.

Final Score - 2/10

(Original review from other website, you know the one)
Literally one of the worst things that could be done with the character of The Doctor. It turns her from an aspirational self-made hero to Space Jesus, an unknowable being, a hero by birthright, and literally the most important Time Lord of all time.
I legitimately hope that in future it is completely dropped, like The Watcher or The Doctor being half-human, I don't see any other real way to fix the mess that has been created due to this episode.
Also, the same problems that I have with just about every Chibnall story persists; bad, stilted, unnatural dialogue, bad direction, and an overall amateurish vibe.
The only real good thing I can say about it is, that the special effects, for the most part, look pretty good, and the prop work is good as always these days, but, that is quite literally set-dressing, the actual core is rotten.
1/10

I'm sorry that this ends up being my first review honestly. I'm not just a hater I promise.

The st4rshiptr00per household agrees: bloated, too many ideas being introduced while other, previous, interesting ones are dropped unceremoniously -- and the whole Timeless Child concept completely overshadows the Doctor's character as someone whose superpower is being inhumanly Humane and loving, and reduces them to simply The Chosen One. An absolutely buckwild decision to make with a beloved character who contained infinite possibility. All mystery is removed, and all their importance is now due to them being The Big Magic Guy. And for the record: I also hate this being done in the Cartmell Master Plan. I simply do not think this should be done to the Doctor.

Goodbye to the Lone Cyberman I guess, thought that guy was interesting and important but were TCE-ing him away now.

I continue to be put off by the Doctor/Master dynamic in this era. Other people have complained about Spymaster feeling completely disconnected from Missy and how her character arc ended, but I'd go further and say that Thirteen's feelings towards him feel jarring as well. All previous modern-Who Doctor/Master dynamics have been very clear on the Doctor still having some love for the Master that puts them in conflict with their companions who only see the Master as a supervillain. But Thirteen seems to just outright hate him, and the Spymaster is only slightly less vicious about it than she is. I feel terrible for Sascha Dhawan. I want so badly to like his character -- I love his scenery-chewing, and I can perfectly envision him doing spectacularly with a more complicated, dramatic, romantically-tinged Doctor/Master dynamic like we've had previously, but the way the two of them are written in this past season is so lacking.

Note: I have seen the theories about the Spymaster actually being the regeneration between Simm!Master and Missy, and I think it's a bad sign if your audience has to come up with an unsupported conspiracy theory to make your characterization make sense. I've also seen this turn from Missy to Spy described as a "relapse", which is slightly more compelling. However if that was the case I'd want to see that actually addressed by canon. Also, the concept of a semi-ex-villain suddenly relapsing to a full on world-destroying supervillain was done infinitely more artfully in Dragon Ball Z with Vegeta's Majin arc, something I would much rather have watched, frankly.

Across the board: I have not enjoyed what this era's writers have done with the main cast, and this episode is just another low point of several this season for me.
[INSERT ANY MAIN CAST ACTOR'S NAME HERE], baby, I'm so sorry about what these doofuses did to you. You deserved better.