The Pirate Planet

I went into this serial bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.  Ribos Operation was a little weird but left me excited for the new adventures with Romana, this has DOUGLAS ADAMS as its credited writer, and it's a fun little premise with a famous little robot.

How the hell did this all go so wrong?  I could not get into this story to save the life of me.  I found the characters incredibly underwhelming - the Captain was kind of boring and I flat-out hated his actor's performance. Queen Xanxia, who feels like a crucial part of the plot barely felt like a presence in the story.  The Fourth Doctor had some decent moments but they were few and far between, while I don't know if Romana did much that couldn't have been done by any generic companion.  It is insane to me that Adams worked on this at the same time as Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - because my experience with that classic book and The Pirate Planet could not have been more black and white.  Hitchhiker's is engaging, silly, full of fun characters, and full of little details that make its universe feel a very specific brand of satire you can very rarely experience in many other corners of science-fiction.  The Pirate Planet's world of Zanak wasn't very interesting to me and without any solid characters to back that up, I was left thoroughly disengaged.

I know it isn't just Adams outside his element either, since City of Death is one of my favourites in all of Doctor Who.  I really, really expected to like these episodes more than I did but by the third and fourth part I was just feeling miserable watching it.

Even that robot parrot just looked awful.  I was expecting something that could actually make some noise or talk but that thing barely did anything.

Anyways.  I did enjoy the idea of the Captain shrinking down random planets for trophies.  To be blunt, a better villain could have made more use of that idea in a fun way.  I feel like I'm being harsh here, but I hated this episode on a level comparable to some of the worst moments in all of Doctor Who.  It really took me off guard because I know The Pirate Planet has its fans.  The best I can offer is the notion that I simply am not one of them.

The first segment to the Key to Time quest may have been a little underwhelming but thankfully the quality picked up with the next part. The Pirate Planet is a serial by one of Doctor Who's best writers Douglas Adams - yes, the same Douglas Adams who wrote Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy - and represents the very eccentricity that to me defines what Doctor Who as a show is.

I absolutely adore The Pirate Planet and to me it is definitely the high point of the Key to Time saga. The Pirate Planet finds the Doctor (Tom Baker) and Romana (Mary Tamm) arrive on the planet Calufrax to find a population who live in never-ending extreme wealth. They are given wealth by the planet's ruler the pirate captain of the title (Bruce Purchase); the Doctor doesn't trust him and decides to confront him, where he finds out that the captain mines planets for their mineral wealth and keeps their compressed remains as trophies. The Doctor and Romana must stop the Captain from compressing the Earth as well as find the second segment to the Key to Time.

The Pirate Planet is delightfully barmy and that's why it works so well. It's hugely entertaining with its bonkers narrative and larger than life characters reminiscent of those found in Hitchhiker's. It's this madcap nature that perfectly suits Tom Baker's Doctor; this incarnation feels natural in a story like this and it feels like it was actually written with him in mind. There is no way The Pirate Planet could be a William Hartnell or Jon Pertwee serial because it wouldn't work anywhere near as well as it does.

Bruce Purchase is an outstanding choice for the Captain. He gleefully plays to the over the top nature of the serial and is exactly the kind of booming caricature villain this serial needed. Yet whilst he has an almost cartoon-esque quality to his performance, he still appears as more of a credible threat than the Gaff in The Ribos Operation. He still seems like someone who poses a challenge for the Doctor. He never feels like an easy villain for the Doctor and Romana to defeat and most importantly, despite the bombastic nature he still feels real.

A highlight of the serial is the robot parrot Polyphase Avatron. Polyphase Avatron is a pet robot who could easily rival K9 in its awesomeness. Essentially it is like an anti-K9: whilst K9 only fires his laser when necessary, the Polyphase Avatron kills anyone who gets on the wrong side of the captain. It's a brilliant design too by the serial's designer Jon Pusey. It has a nice, almost steampunk to it that nicelyfits Douglas Adams' style. K9 was clearly jealous when he destroyed it. Bad, bad dog.

To me, this is the classic series story that represents Tom Baker at his best. The fourth Doctor in this serial is exactly how most people have come to think of his Doctor: bulging eyes, booming voice, warm eccentricity...all the traits that people refer to the fourth Doctor as having are there. In fact, this serial could have just been called 'Tom Baker' because it pretty much feels like The Tom Baker Show, written by Douglas Adams. That's a very good thing as it shows the writer understood Tom's Doctor personality and how to characterise the fourth Doctor.

What's interesting to note about this story is that whilst working on it, Douglas Adams was also working on the BBC radio version of Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. It's amazing that this story doesn't suffer from a lack of attention by a Douglas Adams working on a project that was likely more important to him (Doctor Who didn't have the legacy it has today at that time, of course, so it would have just been another job to him). It feels like Douglas Adams put a lot of effort into writing this serial and didn't treat it as just some extra work pay alongside his Hitchhiker's commitments.

Overall, The Pirate Planet is without a doubt the best serial of the Key To Time season. It features a suitably barmy plot by the wonderful Douglas Adams and is the most quintessential Tom Baker story of Tom Baker's time in the TARDIS. The Captain feels like a much more credible threat than The Ribos Operation's 'The Gaff' despite the cartoon-esque nature and is nicely over-played by Bruce Purchase. I also love the robot parrot Polyphase Avatron who is basically like an evil version of K9. Douglas Adams may have been busy writing his Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy BBC radio drama but it doesn't feel like The Pirate Planet was affected by this. It's commendable how he didn't treat Doctor Who as 'just another job' despite it not having the legacy it has gained today but instead wrote the episode to the best of his abilities. This is Douglas Adams at his finest and showcases how he was one of the classic series' best writers

Definitely a solid story with an interesting premise and plenty of fun character moments. Unfortunately, there are many  tropes in this serial which I feel were done better in previous episodes of the show.

Romana is much more enjoyable in this episode than the last, actually feeling like a proper character for the most part. I like how much she seems to enjoy the Doctor's antics.

I found the Captain a bit too over-the-top and poorly acted to enjoy, and his quick 180 when Mr. Fibuli died felt very unrealistic with his previous characterisation.

I felt that the story forgot the overarching plot of the season a bit too much. It didn't feel like the Doctor and Romana were at all focused on finding the Key. One thing the previous episode did better was integrate that into the plot.

This is part of a series of reviews of Doctor Who in chronological timeline order.

Previous Story: The Ribos Operation

This is such a good story on so many levels, to start, it's written by Douglas Adams, who gives these 4 parts a very distinct style from what Doctor Who has had to offer so far. The clever sci-fi concepts mixed in with surreal, witty dialogue make for one of my favourite 4 parters yet.

The concept of a planet that mines other planets by teleporting around them is fascinating and makes for a puzzling mystery that leads into a great cliffhanger. The conversations are all very entertaining to watch unfold and it gives the usually shallow side characters a life of their own. All this is generously helped by the incredible supporting cast, especially Bruce Purchase's "Captain". Tom Baker also gets a change to show off his range as the Doctor.

Just a solid story all round and an all-time classic.

Next Story: The Stones of Blood

The Pirate Planet is good humoured and has excellent character moments. It takes a bit of time to fall into Douglas Adams’ idiosyncratic writing style, but once it does it is particularly charming. The comedic exploration of fascinating sci-fi concepts is quite different from typical Doctor Who. It is the very same year Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy was first released and has a milder form of the same bookish, British, slightly surreal humour. The epic realisation at the end of part two, that the planet they have found themselves on eats other planets and strips them of their resources is both brilliant in scientific terms but also in analogous when thinking about the real world - an example of Adam’s flare for storytelling.

In the opening episode Adams pens some brilliant dialogue between Romana, K-9 and The Doctor. It's actually a better introduction to the new companion / Doctor relationship than the previous story. You get a great insight into The Doctor’s charming childishness and inability to accept that another Time Lord might be better at some things than himself (working the TARDIS, finding out information from locals). I love how his pomposity is periodically pricked by Romana, who feels like a much more distinct and full bodied character in this one. I remember when I saw this story for the first time, in 2013, I found the larger than life, bombastic and overacted lead villain irritating. For some reason his performance sat better with me this time round. I like how the excellently named Mr Fibuli is his punching bag, only in the final moments of his life being touchingly, almost homoerotically appreciated.

If the villains were a little less moustache twirling and more believable as characters I think this story would be considered a real classic. As it is though it is still a strong second instalment of season 16.