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TARDIS Guide

Overview

First aired

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Written by

Steven Moffat

Directed by

Colm McCarthy

Runtime

45 minutes

Time Travel

Present

Tropes (Potential Spoilers!)

Doctor Who?, Robots, Shape Shifting, Virtual Afterlife

Inventory (Potential Spoilers!)

Fez, Sonic Screwdriver

Location (Potential Spoilers!)

Earth, England, London

UK Viewers

8.44 million

Appreciation Index

87

Synopsis

London, 2013. "Danger. This is a warning. A warning to the whole world. You're looking for Wi-Fi. Sometimes you see something, a bit like this. Don't click it. Do not click it. Once you've clicked it, they're in your computer. They can see you. If they can see you, they might choose you. And if they do... you die."

When Clara Oswald has problems with her Internet, she's given a telephone number: the number of the "best help line in the universe". When the Eleventh Doctor answers at the other end, Clara is pulled into a life of adventure and mystery. But danger is lurking in the signals, picking off minds and imprisoning them. "It's like immortality, only fatal." But can the Doctor save Clara before... "I don't know where I am!"

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8 reviews

This review contains spoilers!

I stopped re-watching new episodes multiple times around 2013 as I got more deeply into the classic series and Doctor Who's extended universe. As a result when watching the second half of series 7 I have the interesting experience of experiencing Doctor Who that I in many ways know the least about - episodes that I have had the longest gap since most recently watching. The last 10 years has meant that I even forgot that Richard E Grant's Great Intelligence was even a recurring character in this series - I thought he was dispensed with in The Snowmen!

​This story is a bit mid. The most interesting idea is the spoon headed baddies, which is a rip off of Silent in the Library. Otherwise this inner city thriller is a bit nondescript (chases, hackers, action!) The show looks good though and Clara and The Doctor's relationship gleams. Its the worst of Clara's three introductions, but it still leaves you feeling warm for her afterwards. A solid series opener.


15thDoctor

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This review contains spoilers!

I don't hate The Bells of Saint John.

Thanks to a number of Moffat-related decisions, it has some key weaknesses. Clara essentially has to be introduced for the third time and a lot of it is rushed for what turns out to be the permanent version of her. The whole thing with her and wifi is pretty lame and already quite dated.

Yet there are exciting aspects of this episode. I love the sense of action and frantic pace it manages to achieve and it feels entirely appropriate for the Eleventh Doctor. Out of the dozens of Moffat-era episodes that work as jumping on points, this one is pretty good, even if, again, points are rushed along the way. The stuff with the Great Intelligence also has some neat ideas to it. Both the ideas of being able to edit humans like a video game character, and our villain character being brainwashed from childhood to serve the villain are cool ideas, and I think Moffat does enough service to both of them that there is just enough value to Bells of Saint John it manages to overcome some of its weaknesses.


dema1020

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New Who Review #95


The Bells of Saint John


This story was fun. It's a nice way to kick off 7B and introduce the "new" clara. Having The Great Intelligence back feels eh because we've only just had him as a villain but I guess he's an ongoing villain throughout this part. The Spoonheads were an ok villain not my favourite villain but they were pretty cool. The idea of WiFi that can kill you is silly but it's so doctor who which is why it works. If this was any other show I don't think it could pull it off without looking pathetic but doctor who just does it right. The ending was so strange with the staff going back to factory default. I don't know what that exactly means like are they going back to the mindset of a child or something else? Overall a good story to kick off 7B and continue the clara story onwards. 9/10


Jann

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Still hard to know what to make of this one. The idea wasn't exactly new but it certainly had a different feel to it. Thought it was a pretty low key opening episode in the truth though. There were a couple of very creepy scenes and nice some nice banter between The Doctor and Clara but nothing particularly memorable. It was certainly no Eleventh Hour.


AndyUK

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This review contains spoilers!

*Insert Chibnall wifi joke here*

Prerequisites: Asylum of the Daleks and The Snowmen give needed context.

Spoilers!
The Bells of Saint John is a fairly fun, if flawed companion "introduction" piece. I say "introduction" because this is kinda Clara's third introduction, and I'd argue it's also her weakest. To start, Clara's character here just isn't that well set up. She lacks the genuinely fun mystery element Oswin had in Asylum, and she also lacks the fun little pieces of characterization she got in The Snowmen. Instead, I imagine that Moffat was using those previous episodes as a crutch when writing her here, because her only character traits I can really make out are 'clever' and 'flirty'. Don't get me wrong, Coleman and Smith have some fun exchanges, but it's nothing I'd call exemplary. What I do quite like, though, is the vibe and setting. While admittedly the whole 'wifi is sucking up people' thing is goofy, I really enjoy just how adventurous this feels. We don't see a lot of the Doctor zipping around a modern metropolis in Who, and it's fun to see it here. I like the motorcycle stuff, and I even like how the Great Intelligence pops up again. Overall, I think this is a fun little episode, although were I to sit down and analyze it further I'm absolutely sure that my rating would lower.


Callandor

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AVG. Rating892 members
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Quotes

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NABILE: Danger. This is a warning. A warning to the whole world. You're looking for wifi. Sometimes you see something.

(He holds up a card with seven strange symbols.)

NABILE: A bit like this. Don't click it. Do not click it. Once you've clicked it, they're in your computer.

(A whole slew of weird symbols in the available connections list.)

NABILE: They can see you. And they can see you, they might choose you. And if they do, you die. For twenty four hours, you're dead. For a while. People's souls are being uploaded to the internet. And some people get stuck. Their minds, their souls, in the wifi. Like echoes, like ghosts. Sometimes you can hear their screams on the radio, on the telly, on the net. This is real. This is not a hoax.

MAN 2 [on screen]: I don't know where I am.

NABILE: Or a joke.

(A Japanese woman on a laptop screen.)

NABILE: Or a story.

MAN 3 [on screen]: I don't know where I am.

NABILE: This is real, and I know that, because I don't know where I am. Please, please, if you can hear me, if you can hear me, I don't know where I am.

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Transcript Needs checking

(Prequel )

[Playground]

GIRL: Hello.
DOCTOR: Hello.
GIRL: Why are you sitting on a swing?
DOCTOR: Why shouldn't I?
GIRL: Because you're old.
DOCTOR: Yes, that's true. That is very true.
GIRL: My mum says I shouldn't talk to strange men.
DOCTOR: Ah, you mum's right.
GIRL: Are you strange?
DOCTOR: Oh, dear. I'm way past strange. I think I'm probably incredible.
GIRL: Are you lonely?
DOCTOR: Why would I be lonely?
GIRL: Because you're sad. Have you lost something?
DOCTOR: No.
GIRL: When I lose something, I go to a quiet place and I close my eyes, and then I can remember where I put it.
DOCTOR: Good plan.
GIRL: I'm always losing things. I lost my best pencil, my schoolbag, and my gran, and my mojo.
DOCTOR: Your mojo?
GIRL: I got it back, though.
DOCTOR: Hey, that's good.
GIRL: What did you lose?
DOCTOR: My friend. I met her twice before and I lost her both times, and now I don't think I'll ever find her again.
GIRL: Have you been looking?
DOCTOR: Yeah, everywhere.
GIRL: That's sad.
DOCTOR: It is a bit. Hey, is that your mum?
GIRL: Yeah, I'd better go and see if she's all right.
DOCTOR: Yeah, I think you better had.
GIRL: How are you going to find her?
DOCTOR: Well, the first two times I met her, I just sort of bumped into her, so I thought maybe if I just wandered about a bit, I might bump into her again. You know, like destiny, sort of.
GIRL: That's rubbish.
DOCTOR: Yeah, I think it probably is. Hey, maybe I could find a quiet room and have a good think about it instead.
GIRL: That would be better. Goodbye.
DOCTOR: Goodbye.
GIRL: Mister, I hope you find her again.
DOCTOR: So do I.
MUM: Who was that?
GIRL: I was talking to a sad man.
MUM: Look, Clara Oswald, what have I told you about talking to strange men?

(Over images of people connecting to a red wifi linking the whole planet, via desktops, laptops, phones, etc. is a man on a staticky screen.)

NABILE: Danger. This is a warning. A warning to the whole world. You're looking for wifi. Sometimes you see something.


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