Well, here we go - probably the second worst story I've listened to so far. Listened to this last year, if I remember rightly, but then forgot all about it until I was going through my notes folder yesterday and I found this review, so, that should tell you everything you need to know about this truly boring story. 1/5, general spoilers all the way through.

'Mission to Magnus's commited the worst crime a story can - it was dull. The music was good and the quick mention of TARDIS sentience was nice, but otherwise it was just. so. boring. Everyone's words were too stilted, Sil really had no point being in that story, and Six and Peri felt quite out of character. It was 80% exposition. From what I've heard about the book it is adapted from, I do not think this is entirely Big Finish's fault.

The ice warriors' plot felt tacked on at the end, like this could have been done with any monster. Martin said afterwards that the ice warriors bringing about climate change is relevant to today, but quite frankly I don't think the climate change element was done in a way that reflects real world politics or problems.

The ending hammered home the terribly sexist messaging of this story. The great revelation... was women taking their 'rightful place' and submitting to men. Anything but equality. Martin may have thought he was simply reflecting the battles of the sexes of the 80s, but to me it simply read as sexist, and as a misunderstanding of feminism. As the actors made clear in the interview, this was very dated - at least they were aware of the story's problems! Now, if only the writers had the foresight to actually fix them...

The interviews at the end were interesting and may be worth a listen - as a disabled person, I especially found Shaban's part fascinating, and both his fanboy past and desire to see disabled people like him cast in key roles very relatable. I have heard people say that this need for representation is a "new thing", but this interview really hammered home that we have been asking for representation as long as there has been media for us to be represented in. Martin and the actors talking about the cancellation of the season - and of the series - was also interesting and worth listening to if you want to know about that era of Who, as was the talk of how an audio is made from the actors' and writer's point of view. (To be clear, the interviews had no bearing on my rating of this story, just thought they were worth mentioning.)

So, overall a dull story with backwards political messaging that I strongly do not recommend. I could see how this story could make someone lose faith in Big Finish. One star, do not listen! (Except to the interviews. The interviews were good).

This is part of a series of reviews of Doctor Who in chronological timeline order.

Previous Story: The Ultimate Evil

To say that this story was a struggle to get through would be one of the biggest understatements of the decade. It (and other poorly timed events in my life) essentially caused me to burn out on Doctor Who. I don't want to put all of the blame on this story but it certainly didn't help anything. I'll start with the few praises I can give it, it's very era-accurate. For the most part that's not a good thing but it shines in things like the soundtrack and performances. Of course all the bad parts of this era are also here, the Doctor is wildly out of character, being too afraid to even speak to his childhood bully (yes, the often fearless Doctor has a childhood bully that he's deathly-afraid of).

There's a lot of really weird messages here and it's one of those gender-role reversals where women absolutely despise men and try to kill them at any chance. The ending was also really off-putting with some blatantly sexist jokes. Peri is obviously also awfully written here and I found her relationship with a young boy really odd, calling him an "alpha male" at one point. It's easy to forget the Ice Warriors were even here, they could be replaced by any generic alien.

Oh and I don't even want to bother talking about Sil, I hated him in Vengeance on Varos and I hate him here but if you like him as a villain he's exactly as he was on TV. The Lost Stories can be hidden gems sometimes but usually they were lost for a reason (and I can think of many for this one).

Next Story: Leviathan

Doctor Who – The Lost Stories

#1.02. Mission to Magnus ~ 3/10

◆ An Introduction

‘Vengeance on Varos’ remains one of the most adored stories from Season 22. The Doctor and Peri found themselves on a world where torture and executions were broadcast to the public as prime-time entertainment, and the representative of the Galatron Mining Corporation was extorting the planet’s Governor into selling the valuable Zeiton-7 ore at a drastically reduced price.

A second adventure featuring Sil was intended to air the following year, where he would find himself allied with the fearsome Ice Warriors. Season 23 was unfortunately canned, undergoing several rewrites before ‘Trial of a Time Lord’ was unveiled. Sil still made an appearance, but the replacement story was drastically different, ending with what appeared to be the death of Peri!

Now we finally get to experience the events which unfolded on Magnus, and realise that some stories were honestly better off being lost…

◆ Publisher’s Summary

The Doctor and Peri face enemies at every turn on the planet Magnus. There's the Time Lord bully Anzor, who made the Doctor's life hell during his time at the Academy. There's also Rana Zandusia, the matriarchal ruler of the planet, who seeks to prise the secret of time travel from these alien visitors.

Also on Magnus is the slug-like Sil, still bitter from his defeat on the planet Varos and seeking to make his fortune from the most potentially destructive ends. And, deep within the planet, there is something else. Another old enemy of the Doctor's. And the future is looking decidedly colder…

◆ The Sixth Doctor

Hearing the most ostentatious and egotistical incarnation of the Doctor cowering in fear was not something I expected. He goes on something of a miniature character arc in this adventure where he learns to stand up to his childhood bully, though being completely honest here, I could not give less of a damn about the Anzor plot.

You’ll rarely find me complaining about Colin Baker’s performance, but I think anyone would struggle with material this dire. Just another reason to skip over ‘Mission to Magnus’ entirely.

The Doctor starts trembling with fear the moment he recognises Anzor’s TARDIS, making him hide under the console like a scaredy cat.

◆ Peri Brown

Philip Martin cannot write for female characters. This adventure is blatantly sexist – which is something I will discuss more in-depth later in the review – and you’re genuinely left wondering if the writer just hated Peri. She is treat abysmally throughout, written to be purposefully aggravating so that the script can humiliate and torture her on-demand! Put simply, this material is terrible.

Nicola Bryant isn’t having much luck with this series. The previous script forgot her character existed, while this one just treats her like dirt… thank God things improve in the next adventure! Her performance in ‘Mission to Magnus’ is nothing special.

Peri claims that she’s used to following alpha males. She comes from another time, another world, where women are not quite the equals of men yet.

◆ Philip Martin’s Gender Commentary

‘Mission to Magnus’ feels incredibly dated because of its rampant sexism and strange risqué moments. I think that even by the standards of the mid 1980s, this would’ve led to some raised eyebrows!

Magnus is a matriarchal society who only use males for reproductive purposes. A small clan of them hide beneath the planet’s surface due to a virus that makes them blind and kills them before the age of twenty. One theory is that the condition is hormonal, meaning only women and aliens survive. Whilst all this is being explained, Anzor is quite clearly disgusted at the thought of having to deal with the female of the species. He’s easily one of the most unlikeable characters in this script, because he’s basically just an incel!

The neighbouring world of Salvac is a patriarchal society that have supposedly found an antidote to the gender-specific virus. They sent an invasion force to Magnus, which quickly got captured by the Ice Warriors… and they’re certainly a problematic bunch! Ishka almost immediately decides that Zandusia should become his wife, which leads to one of the most insensitive jokes in the episode.

I haven’t even discussed the Doctor’s psychic sex dream yet. I sincerely wish I was joking, but this is genuinely something that happens between him and a member of Zandusia’s retinue. Every time I think this script has reached the bottom of the barrel, it somehow punches through and keeps on digging towards the planet’s core!

◆ Martians on Magnus

I’m sure many of you purchased this adventure to hear the Ice Warriors teaming up with Sil… and that you were all disappointed to hear that they don’t turn up until the second part! Putting them on the front cover feels like such a sly decision, one made to lure in customers who were hoping for a big Martian adventure.

Their reason for being on Magnus is pretty underwhelming too: the Grand Marshall is planning on setting off a nuclear warhead to change the planet’s orbit, thus making it colder, leading to a viable new home for his people.

◆ Sound Design

A beautifully warm planet turned cold; it would’ve been nice if some effort was put into illustrating this with the sound design. All we get to explore are caves and ice caverns, making this one of the most forgettable audio landscapes I’ve encountered all year.

The TARDIS shakes and shudders as it’s dragged into the 24th century. The scanner is consumed with static as Magnus gradually appears on the screen. Sonic cannons are fired from the starship onto the surface of the planet below. Sil is bathed in water by his attendants, doing that disgusting laugh as it happens. Psychic harmony causes mind music to filter through the caves beneath Magnus. Ice Warriors begin firing their sonic weaponry, massacring the Salvacian prisoners!

◆ Music

There aren’t many positives with ‘Mission to Magnus’, but the gloriously melodramatic synthesised soundtrack is definitely one of them! Simon Robinson has created some of my favourite scores in the past, but his work on this range has been a particular highlight: I cannot wait to discuss his music for the Seventh Doctor ‘Lost Stories’ next series.

◆ Conclusion

“The despised creature who owns every last woolly jumper on the planet!”

The Ice Warriors are planning to detonate a nuclear warhead on Magnus to change the planet’s orbit, thus making it colder. That slippery customer, Sil, has teamed up with them, intending to make a killing in the woolly blanket trade when the planet becomes an ice box.

This sounds like the recipe for an exciting romp with two fan-favourite villains, but Philip Martin was seemingly more concerned with taking cheap shots at the concept of feminism. There’s an abundance of backward dialogue throughout the adventure, like when Anzor cringes in disgust anytime someone mentions women in power, or when Ishka threatens to bed Rana Zandusia! It genuinely baffles me that these moments weren’t removed, or at the very least toned down, when this adaptation was being produced.

There were several moments whilst writing this review where I just gave up and started listening to random ASMR videos, because I was desperate for something relaxing and enjoyable. Then I remembered that Philip Martin penned a sequel to this adventure, called ‘Antidote to Oblivion’, which makes me want to crack open the Disaronno early!

Sil spends the entire runtime whining, the Ice Warriors don’t show up until the beginning of part two and proceed to do the square root of diddly squat, and literally nobody cares about the Anzor subplot! You should absolutely skip ‘Mission to Magnus’, for the sake of your own sanity, if nothing else.

😵(2.73) = NEAR DISASTER!

Thworping through time and space, one adventure at a time!

This story begins with Six and Peri being dragged into a starship in the far future, dragged there by Anzor, the Doctor's old school bully who's never been mentioned before or since. The scene with them is weird, making the Doctor whimper while Anzor traps them on the starship.

Anzor himself is nothing but a thorn in the side of everyone, and I don't know why he's needed for the story.

The story pops right into space politics between Anzor, representing the Time Lords, and an alien race ruled by females. None of it is very interesting or relevant.

The opening episode is a confusing mess, and I don't know how everything and everyone connect. It's also painfully slow.

The dialogue is pretentious.

There's no dramatic tension, no stakes, and no interesting details in the story to make you invested in and care for any of the characters.

The child characters don't sound very natural. They're some of the most wooden child actors I've ever heard in a BF production.

Peri is hardly in the story and isn't given anything interesting to do. Nicola Bryant does fine with the material she has to work with.

Six is like his TV self here, but even Colin Baker doesn’t make him very interesting.

Sil returns, and Nabil Shaban puts in another strong performance. Why he's here is beyond me, but he's the strongest performance among the guest cast and the best aspect of this story.

The cover also spoils the return of the Ice Warriors, who do not appear at all in Part 1 (there's no hint of their involvement in all the mess). They suddenly pop up at the end of Part 1, in a rather tiresome twist.

Part 2 then takes a sudden turn and focusses on the Ice Warriors and their destruction of Magnus, making the story easier to follow and a bit more traditional, but not significantly more interesting.

The Ice Warrior characters aren’t particularly memorable or original, but Nicholas Briggs knows how to voice them.

The setting of the story never comes alive to me. I fail to picture the spaceship or the planet Magnus. The only thing I can think of is that the planet shares its name with a common Swedish first name.