The Monthly Adventures #019 - "Minuet in Hell" by Gary Russell and Alan W. Lear

The one good way I can describe Minuet in Hell is an oddity. A bizarre, confused and much reviled mess of a story that certainly makes itself known amongst its peers, with its completely bonkers plot and eccentricities. This audio doesn’t get too good a rap amongst the Doctor Who community for a number of reasons, a lot of which I sympathise with, but I do like it a lot more than some people. Behind the scenes issues with the writers apparently caused the more perplexing aspects of this audio’s existence, which can be seen through some of the choices made, but what I can’t deny is that this audio is good fun. It has the tone of a cheesy B-movie and I kind of love it (in the most ironic way possible).

It’s the early noughties, and Malebolgia has just become the newest state in America. Come to witness the inauguration is Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, who finds infernal beings pulling the strings, and a madman who claims to be the Doctor.

(CONTAINS SPOILERS)

I have to get this out the way, I don’t like this audio for real reasons. There is literally not one actual good thing I have to say for this story, it’s admittedly terrible but is genuinely one of the most fun and fascinating entries into The Monthly Adventures. And when I say fascinating, I mean this story should be studied. It is 150 minutes long and has absolutely no right to be, it’s full of demons and wizards and then makes literally zero attempt to explain any of it. Take away one scene with the Doctor and we fully are just summoning actual demons and throwing people across rooms with incantations. The script is stupid, it’s big, it’s explosive and it’s fun. This whole audio is absolute fun. This is some low budget, schlocky horror movie from the 70s, with some bonkers dream logic and even more insane events. It’s incredibly fast and earns the pace, the last thing you’ll be listening to it is bored, but sometimes you have to suspend your disbelief a little far. It takes place in a new state, called f**king Malebolgia, named after one of the nine circles of hell. That is some dumb fun, B-movie shenanigans. This story is a pantomime, and I mean that in the best possible way, it’s hilarious, but I’m not sure if it’s meant to be. The villain unironically goes “here I am, eight feet of hot, sweaty demon” and it’s one of the best moments in the entirety of Doctor Who, frankly.

The fact I enjoy Minuet in Hell as much as I do is honestly strange because, whilst I have little genuine praise to level at it, I do have quite a few complaints. The first thing you’ll hear in discussions about this audioplay is that the American accents are really, really bad. Big Finish has struggled with accents from across the pond before this but still, yikes. And it in the end is a hot mess; the Doctor has amnesia (again) and that is still the most interesting part of this story, as he and a fellow inmate argue on who is the Doctor, since his fellow patient has absorbed the Doctor’s memories. You know what the outcome will be because, I mean, come on, but it’s still a decently fun time. Charley however just gets trafficked into the Hellfire Club as a “satin bottom”. Three guesses as to what that job entails. This whole audio is needlessly cruel to her and there are some scenes in her subplot that just make me wince and are completely unnecessary. It does, however, introduce us to the character of Becky Lee, who has superpowers, and the audio just never explains it. There’s not even a throw away line bringing it up, she just has superpowers and that’s that. 10/10 character, no notes. A character I can’t give praise to however is the Brigadier, who just so happens to be in this story and does literally nothing the whole time. He’s completely wasted, which is really sad because the other Main Range story he’s in is unfortunately not a lot better than this.

Trying to explain Minuet in Hell is a tall task that I’m not going to tackle. It is a frazzled, confused and overall peculiar bit of Who history that makes a litany of bizarre decisions that leave it as one of the strangest audios I’ve ever experienced. It’s not atrociously bad by any means, it’s a harmless bit of fun, but I very much get why somebody would hate it. It is… not good. Still, have to have dumb fun every now and again.

6/10

Pros:

+ Absolutely wild script that, if messy, is endlessly fun

+ Fast paced and utterly mad

+ Feels like a classic B-movie or a particularly fun pantomime

Cons:

- Atrocious attempts at American accents

- Needlessly cruel to Charley

- The plot is messy and retreads too many familiar plot points

- The Brigadier is thoroughly wasted

Doctor Who – The Monthly Adventures

#019. Minuet in Hell ~ 1/10

◆ An Introduction

Following on from three solid adventures, we encounter the first major dud featuring the Eighth Doctor. I’m going to be flinging a fair amount of gorilla excrement at this release, but I don’t deny it had potential to be something really special – though it probably didn’t help that Alan W. Lear seemed to have a difficult relationship with Gary Russell.

This review is certainly going to be interesting!

◆ Publisher’s Summary

The 21st century has just begun, and Malebolgia is enjoying its status as the newest state in America. After his successful involvement with Scotland's devolution, Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart has been invited over to Malebolgia to offer some of his experiences and expertise.

There he encounters the charismatic Brigham Elisha Dashwood III, an evangelical statesman running for Governor who may not be quite as clean-cut and wholesome as he makes out. One of Dashwood's other roles in society is as patron of a new medical institute, concentrating on curing the ills of the human mind. One of the patients there interests the Brigadier – someone who claims he travels through space and time in something called a TARDIS.

Charley, however, has more than a few problems of her own. Amnesiac, she is working as a hostess at the local chapter of the Hell Fire Club, populated by local dignitaries who have summoned forth the demon Marchosias. And the leader of the Club? None other than Dashwood, who seems determined to achieve congressional power by the most malevolent means at his disposal…

◆ The Eighth Doctor

‘Minuet in Hell’ resurrects one of the most tedious aspects of this incarnation from the novels: his habit for constantly developing amnesia, but the script genuinely does nothing interesting with it.

I honestly pity Paul McGann for being lumbered with the written equivalent of raw sewage. He clearly didn’t care about this script, acting like a deranged nutter for most of the runtime. I genuinely think sticking sewing needles in my ears would be more enjoyable than enduring this performance again.

The Doctor has spent a night in the Dashwood Institute, hooked up to an IV drip filled with diazepam. He then discovers that he is set to be lobotomised!

◆ Charley Pollard

Our Edwardian Adventuress is appallingly treated in ‘Minuet in Hell’. She is basically sent to the Hellfire Club to be one of their “pretty little satin bottoms” – the script’s words, not mine! For some reason, she also starts spouting words like “Botheration!” and “Rather!” Just dreadful writing.

I sincerely hope that Briggsy was drunk whilst directing this story, because that’s the only possible explanation I can think of for why India Fisher gave the worst performance of her career!

Charley tells Becky-Lee that she’s absolutely no memory of where she is, or how she got there. She claims that her father is only a stockbroker.

◆ Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart

Oh yeah, I completely forgot the Brigadier was in this adventure. That honestly speaks volumes, because he made absolutely no impression at all! In all seriousness, go listen to ‘UNIT Dating’ if you’re looking for a decent Eighth Doctor story with Lethbridge-Stewart.

Nicholas Courtney wasn’t even trying to sound interested in ‘Minuter in Hell’. I can’t say that I blame him either.

◆ Sounds Like Alyssa Edwards!

Speak to anyone who has been listening to the audio adventures for a couple of years, and they’ll assure you that BigFinish have constantly struggled when it comes to convincing American accents.

Helen Goldwyn is playing the character of Becky-Lee Kowalczyck, who sounds like some deranged hybrid of Alyssa Edwards and Annie Oakley!

Robert Jezek – most well known for playing that big talking bird, Frobisher – is playing the main villain of this adventure… who sounds like a generic cowboy pretending to be a man of God! If you’ve listened to ‘The Holy Terror’, you know Jezek is capable of much better than this.

Anybody that’s seen my review of ‘The Pit’ will know that I usually enjoy talking about dreadful stories… but this garbage is genuinely too much.

◆ Sound Design

Remember when I lavished the soundscape for ‘The Stones of Venice’ with high praise? Yeah, this story is getting none of that. Nicholas Briggs, there is something seriously wrong with your sound design if I’m having to take several breaks to soothe my eardrums with ASMR!

Crickets chirrup through the night, as Brigham carries out a Satanic ritual. A crackling, blazing fire inside of the Hellfire Club. The gravelly voice of Marchosias chants “Hellfire” repeatedly. Club members chat with each other following the “black mass”. Catatonic patients mumble to themselves inside the Dashwood Institute. An organ plays as Brigham makes his speech, announcing his running for the position of governor. Advanced medical equipment bleeps away inside the Institute’s laboratory. The PSI machine explodes, overloading due to the Doctor’s brain. The Hellfire Club is smashed up, as Becky-Lee uses her powers to protect herself and Charley. Ramsay screeches and flaps about, as the Doctor ejects him from the TARDIS. A whip being cracked repeatedly, as Marchosias kills Dale.

◆ Conclusion

“Hell is where I have come to at last… and there can be no escape.”

I’ve been informed that the AudioVisuals variant of this adventure is far superior, but I’m not reviewing that one… so allow me to say that ‘Minuet in Hell’ is the written equivalent of a turd pushed through someone’s letterbox!

The acting is atrocious, the villain was boring, and our regulars are treated appallingly throughout the adventure – the Eighth Doctor loses his memory for the umpteenth time, Lethbridge-Stewart does virtually nothing for two hours, and Charley’s arc here genuinely disgusts me in the same way something like ‘Nekromanteia’ does.

I quite frankly want to drown my sorrows with many gallons of Disaronno. Seriously, don’t put yourself through this turgid excuse for storytelling.

💩4.25/10

Underwhelming! --> Not recommended!

Thworping through time and space, one adventure at a time!

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE REST

The initial set-up is intriguing enough: we quickly learn that both the Doctor and Charley suffer from amnesia; they don't know who they are, where they've come from, or what they're doing. While Charley works for the mysterious Hellfire Club, the Doctor remains imprisoned in a mental institution.

This story follows the machinations of the senator of America's 51st state, Malebolgia, and the leader of the Hellfire Club. We soon learn that this is an alternative 21st century, one that has taken a much more sinister turn than what we know. The religious cult plot truly overshadows almost everything else here, and it's perfectly engaging to begin with, even if Part 1 establishes very little beyond building an unnerving atmosphere.

The rest of the story is a mix of confusing sound design, a pretty muddled political/religious plot, and a mystery surrounding the Doctor and Charley, their amnesias, and the reason behind them. Part 3 intensifies the demon play and puts Charley in a very precarious situation on the exciting cliffhanger.

Part 4 finally brings the plot threads to a close. It answers the central questions, but the story's convoluted structure drowns out most of the themes and ideas.

The individual parts are too long, and the original edit was reportedly almost an hour longer!

Here are more shoddy American accents at play.

This story doesn't give Paul McGann and India Fisher much to work with initially, but what they do is interesting. They are much more contained and unnerving, believably capturing someone who's lost their sense of identity. McGann then slowly transforms more and more into the Doctor in his fascinating scenes with Nicholas Briggs.

Stuck in the Hellfire Club, Charley interacts with a strange demon creature that sounds a bit overproduced.

It's a joy to hear Nicholas Courtney return to the role of the now-retired Brigadier. In the story, he oversees the creation of Malebolgia and quickly becomes entangled in dark mysteries. It's also interesting how he meets the Doctor without knowing who he is and slowly deduces his identity.

Nicholas Briggs is back in one of his more intriguing voice roles. He's really good in Part 2 when he tries to convince the Doctor that his memories are false. That Part 2 cliffhanger is a classic!

Overall, though, this one is confusing, bizarre, and kinky in that Timewyrm: Genesys sort of way, where Big Finish goes way too far just because they can.

This particular audio is just alright. I don't know if it quite deserves to be one of the lowest rated and least loved of the Eighth Doctor Big Finish audios, but I can't pretend it isn't lacking in certain regards. Having the Bridadier in the story and meeting the Eighth Doctor is cool and should be a big deal but it really feels like they are in separate stories that only interact at the end. I think that's where a lot of issues crop up around people and their opinion of the audio. It does feel disappointing when you reach the ending because it feels like Minuet in Hell simply does not live up to its potential.

The Doctor doesn't feel like he has any agency in the story and largely sits this one out. When he does show up, I found the character kind of just annoying and babbling unhelpfully. That would be okay if the Brigadier and Charley took over more of the narrative, but they feel pretty passive and just as observers to the story unfolding around them. It does not make for a very compelling narrative, even for what could be a somewhat silly adventure with demons or whatever.

The America accents were pretty bad but not unbearable or even remotely some of the worst I've seen out of Big Finish. It was just another layer of mediocrity, really. This could have been an interesting story about American history, religion, and politics. It doesn't really feels like it manages to achieve any of that, though, and instead the listening experience feels disjointed and unsatisfying. I had a bit of fun with the Demons and such, but it just didn't quite win me over.

I listened to this a couple of weeks ago. Before I started listening to it, I was concerned. Whenever I see a runtime longer than two hours, for a 'regular' release, I get worried that there will be loads of fluff that won't really add up to anything. Putting this worry aside, I started listening, and immediately got hit with another bugbear, bad American accents. Bad accents in general will take me out of a story, but I carried on listening, and I'm glad I did.

I loved this story, setting and general vibe.

Having the Doctor not really appear until a good way through the story initially had me worried, but how they used it worked for me. Charley and The Brigadier carrying the main story was great. Using The Brig as the connecting tissue between the Doctors and Charleys stories really brought out how good Nicholas Courtney was when he was given things to work with.

I hadn't encountered the Hellfire Club before but, based on this story, I am interested to learn more. While I'm not really a fan of occult/supernatural in my sci-fi, the twist in how they were used here didn't bother me.

As someone who is a fan of Psychological and 'Hedonistic' Horror the setting and vibe really worked for me. Having a place where the people claim to be good and moral people, but under the surface they are hedonistic, power hungry and depraved really is my jam. In my mind, it's a cross between The Stepford Wives and Hellraiser.

**Cool Stuff**
* Charley in a spiked red corset and heels, apologising for stumbling because she isn't used to the outfit.
* Charley in general.
* Nicholas Briggs as Gideon.
* The Brigadier kicking ass.
* Helen Goldwyn.
* Dial-up internet sounds.

**Not Cool Stuff**
* Dodgy accents.
* Marchosias becoming a comedy character for part of the story.
* Dodgy accents.
* Slow start.
* Dodgy accents.

This is tied with Sword of Orion as my favourite of the first four Eighth Doctor releases.