Human Nature

[TARDIS]

(The Doctor and Martha run into the TARDIS, closely followed by a blast from an energy weapon.)

DOCTOR: Get down!

(Bang! The Doctor slams the door shut.)

DOCTOR: Did they see you?
MARTHA: I don't know.
DOCTOR: But did they see you?
MARTHA: I don't know. I was too busy running.
DOCTOR: Martha, it's important. Did they see your face?
MARTHA: No, they couldn't have.
DOCTOR: Off we go!

(He sets the TARDIS in motion.)

DOCTOR: Argh! They're following us.
MARTHA: How can they do that? You've got a time machine.
DOCTOR: Stolen technology. They've got a Time Agent's vortex manipulator. They can follow us wherever we go, right across the universe. They're never going to stop, unless. I'll have to do it. Martha, you trust me, don't you?
MARTHA: Of course I do.
DOCTOR: Because it all depends on you.
MARTHA: What does? What am I supposed to do?

(He holds out an ornately decorated pocket watch.)

DOCTOR: Take this watch, because my life depends on it. This watch, Martha. The watch is-

[Doctor's room]

(The Doctor is lying on a bed in an old-fashioned wood panelled room. A clock is ticking. There are voices in the corridor outside. He gets up, and there is a knock on the door.)

DOCTOR: Come in.

(Martha enters, carrying a breakfast tray and wearing maid's uniform complete with little cap. She turns her back when she sees he isn't fully dressed.)

MARTHA: Pardon me, Mister Smith. You're not dressed yet. I can come back later.

(He puts on a dressing gown.)

DOCTOR: No, it's all right, it's all right. Put it down. I was er. Sorry, sorry. Sometimes I have these extraordinary dreams.

(Martha puts the tray down on a table by the leather settee and draws the curtains.)

MARTHA: What about, sir?
DOCTOR: I dream I'm this adventurer. This daredevil, a madman. The Doctor, I'm called. And last night I dreamt that you were there, as my companion.
MARTHA: A teacher and a housemaid, sir? That's impossible.
DOCTOR: I'm a man from another world, though.
MARTHA: Well it can't be true because there's no such thing.
DOCTOR: This thing. The watch is-

(He picks up the ornate pocket watch from the mantlepiece for a moment then puts it back.)

DOCTOR: Ah, it's funny how dreams slip away. But I do remember one thing; it all took place in the future. In the Year of Our Lord two thousand and seven.
MARTHA: I can prove that wrong for you, sir. Here's the morning paper. It's Monday, November tenth, 1913, and you're completely human, sir. As human as they come.
DOCTOR: Mmm, that's me. Completely human.

[Farringham School]

(The boys are singing 'To Be A Pilgrim' at morning assembly, and the Union Flag is raised on the flagpole outside the magnificent Gothic Revival building. Wearing gown and mortar board, the Doctor enters the main building.)

BOY 1: Morning, sir.
BOY 2: Morning, sir.

(He passes the other teachers.)

DOCTOR: Headmaster.

[Classroom]

(The Doctor is holding a cane and reading from a text book on the Battle of Waterloo, 18th June 1815.)

DOCTOR: Advanced with little impediment. The French were all but spent, with only two battalions of the old guard remaining. A final reserve force was charged with protecting Napoleon, but by evening, the advance of the Allied troops had forced them to retreat.

[Corridor]

(After class, he walks along a tiled corridor which the two housemaids, Martha and Jenny are scrubbing on their hands and knee.)

MARTHA: Morning, sir.
DOCTOR: Yes, hi.

(The Doctor goes up the stairs.)

JENNY: Head in the clouds, that one. Don't know why you're so sweet on him.
MARTHA: He's just kind to me, that's all. Not everyone's that considerate, what with me being-
JENNY: A Londoner?
MARTHA: Exactly. Good old London town.

(Two senior boys stop.)

BAINES: Er, now then, you two. You're not paid to have fun, are you? Put a little backbone into it.
JENNY: Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
HUTCHINSON: You there, what's your name again?
MARTHA: Martha, sir. Martha Jones.
HUTCHINSON: Tell me then, Jones. With hands like those, how can you tell when something's clean?

(They walk on, laughing.)

MARTHA: That's very funny, sir.
JENNY: Careful, now. Don't answer back.
MARTHA: I'd answer back with my bucket over his head.
JENNY: Oh, I wish. Just think, though. In a few years time, boys like that'll be running the country.
MARTHA: 1913. They might not.

[Upper corridor]

BOY: Excuse me, ma'am.

(A neat woman in starched nurses uniform meets the Doctor, who is carrying a large pile of books.)

JOAN: Oh, good morning, Mister Smith.

(He drops some of the books.)

DOCTOR: There we go.
JOAN: Let me help you.
DOCTOR: No, no, I've got it, no. Er, how best to retrieve? Tell you what. If you could take these

(Joan takes the books from his arms, and he picks up the fallen ones.)

JOAN: Good.
DOCTOR: No harm done. So, er, how was Jenkins?
JOAN: Oh just a cold. Nothing serious. I think he's missing his mother more than anything.
DOCTOR: Oh, we can't have that.
JOAN: He received a letter this morning, so he's a lot more chipper. I appear to be holding your books.
DOCTOR: Yes, so you are. Sorry, sorry. Just let me.
JOAN: No, why don't I take half?
DOCTOR: Ah, brilliant idea. Brilliant. Perfect. Division of labour.
JOAN: We make quite a team.
DOCTOR: Don't we just.
JOAN: So, these books. Were they being taken in any particular direction?
DOCTOR: Yes. This way.

(In a smaller corridor.)

DOCTOR: I always say, Matron, give the boys a good head of steam, they'll soon wear themselves out.
JOAN: Truth be told, when it's just you and me, I'd much rather you call me Nurse Redfern. Matron sounds rather well, matronly.
DOCTOR: Ah. Nurse Redfern it is then.
JOAN: Though we've known each other all of two months, you could even say Joan.
DOCTOR: Joan?
JOAN: That's my name.
DOCTOR: Well, obviously.
JOAN: And it's John, isn't it?
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, it is, yes.

(At the notice board at the top of a flight of stairs.)

JOAN: Have you seen this, John? The annual dance at the village hall tomorrow. It's nothing formal, but rather fun by all accounts. Do you think you'll go?
DOCTOR: I hadn't thought about it.
JOAN: It's been ages since I've been to a dance, only no one's asked me.

(The Doctor starts backing away nervously.)

DOCTOR: Well, I should imagine that you'd be, er, I mean, I never thought you'd be one for. I mean, there's no reason why you shouldn't. If you do, you may not. I, I probably won't, but even if I did then I couldn't. I mean I wouldn't want to-
JOAN: The stairs.
DOCTOR: What about the stairs?
JOAN: They're right behind you.

(And down he goes, in a flurry of books and papers.)

[Doctor's room]

(Joan tends to the back of the Doctor's head.)

JOAN: Stop it. I get boys causing less fuss than this.
DOCTOR: Because it hurts.

(Martha bursts in.)

MARTHA: Is he all right?
JOAN: Excuse me, Martha. It's hardly good form to enter a master's study without knocking.
MARTHA: Sorry. Right. Yeah.

(She goes back to the door and knocks on it.)

MARTHA: But is he all right? They said you fell down the stairs, Sir.
DOCTOR: No, it was just a tumble, that's all.
MARTHA: Have you checked for concussion?
JOAN: I have. And I daresay I know a lot more about it than you.
MARTHA: Sorry. I'll just tidy your things.
DOCTOR: I was just telling Nurse Redfern, Matron, about my dreams. They are quite remarkable tales. I keep imagining that I'm someone else, and that I'm hiding.
JOAN: Hiding? In what way?
DOCTOR: They're almost every night. This is going to sound silly.
JOAN: Tell me.
DOCTOR: I dream, quite often, that I have two hearts.
JOAN: Well, then. I can be the judge of that. Let's find out.

(Joan uses her stethoscope to listen to the Doctor's chest.)

JOAN: I can confirm the diagnosis. Just one heart, singular.
DOCTOR: I have er, I have written down some of these dreams in the form of fiction. Not that it would be of any interest.
JOAN: I'd be very interested.
DOCTOR: Well, I've never actually shown it to anyone before.

(The Doctor gives Joan the handwritten book.)

JOAN: A Journal of Impossible Things.

(Lots of inky scrawl and pictures.)

JOAN: Just look at these creatures.

(A Dalek.)

JOAN: Such imagination.
DOCTOR: It's become quite a hobby.

(The Moxx of Balhoon, Autons labelled as plastic men, one of the Pompadour clockwork robots.)

JOAN: It's wonderful. And quite an eye for the pretty girls.

(Rose Tyler.)

DOCTOR: Oh no, no, she's just an invention. This character, Rose. I call her, Rose. Seems to disappear later on.

(Cybermen and the TARDIS, labelled magic box.)

DOCTOR: Ah, that's the box. The blue box. It's always there. Like a like a magic carpet. This funny little box that transports me to far away places.
JOAN: Like a doorway?
DOCTOR: Mmm.

(Sketches of earlier Doctors.)

DOCTOR: I sometimes think how magical life would be if stories like this were true.
JOAN: If only.
DOCTOR: It's just a dream.

(And drawings of the pocket watch.)

[Corridor]

(Martha runs after Joan.)

MARTHA: Ma'am? That book.
JOAN: Oh, I'll look after it. Don't worry. He did say I could read it.
MARTHA: But it's silly, that's all. Just stories.
JOAN: Who is he, Martha?
MARTHA: I'm sorry?
JOAN: It's like he's left the kettle on. Like he knows he has something to get back to, but he can't remember what.
MARTHA: That's just him.
JOAN: You arrived with him, didn't you? He found you employment here at the school, isn't that right?
MARTHA: I used to work for the family. He just sort of inherited me.
JOAN: Well, I'd be careful. If you don't mind my saying, you sometimes seem a little familiar with him. Best remember your position.
MARTHA: Yes, ma'am.

[Dormitory]

HUTCHINSON: Ah, Latimer. Here you are, Latin translation.

(He throws a text book to the floor by the younger boy's feet.)

HUTCHINSON: Blasted Catullus. I want it done by morning.
LATIMER: Yes, sir.
HUTCHINSON: And no mistakes. I want it written by best handwriting.

(Hutchinson reads a letter.)

HUTCHINSON: Listen, Father says he's been promoted. That means more money. Might end up in a better school.
LATIMER: Ah, he should enjoy it, sir. My uncle had a six month posting in Johannesburg. Says it was the most beautiful countryside on God's Earth.
HUTCHINSON: What are you talking about?
LATIMER: Africa. Your father.
HUTCHINSON: You been reading my post?
LATIMER: What?
HUTCHINSON: You said Africa. I've only just read the word myself. How did you know that?

(He pushes Latimer up against the wall.)

LATIMER: I haven't.
HUTCHINSON: Have you been spying on me?
LATIMER: No. I just guessed.
HUTCHINSON: What's that supposed to mean?
LATIMER: I'm good at guessing, that's all.
HUTCHINSON: Idiot.
LATIMER: Sometimes I say things and they turn out to be correct. Just little things. Tiny things. I can't help it. It's just some sort of luck.
BAINES: Right, well, never mind that little toad. Who's for beer?
HUTCHINSON: You've got beer?
BAINES: No, but Baxter's hidden a secret supply in Blackdown woods.
HUTCHINSON: What are you waiting for?

(Baines opens the window to climb out.)

HUTCHINSON: Make sure the Bursar's down the pub before you go past his window.
BAINES: A bottle for everyone, is it?
HUTCHINSON: And none for the filth. And hurry back, Baines, I'm parched.

[Outside the pub]

(Evening. Martha brings two pints to a table.)

MARTHA: Ooo, it's freezing out here. Why can't we have a drink inside the pub?
JENNY: Now don't be ridiculous. You do get these notions! It's all very well, those Suffragettes, but that's London. That's miles away.
MARTHA: But don't you just want to scream sometimes, having to bow and scrape and behave. Don't you just want to tell them?
JENNY: I don't know. Things must be different in your country.
MARTHA: Yeah, well they are. Thank God I'm not staying.
JENNY: You keep saying that.
MARTHA: Just you wait. One more month and I'm as free as the wind. I wish you could come with me, Jenny. You'd love it.
JENNY: Where are you going to go?
MARTHA: Anywhere. Just look up there. Imagine you could go all the way out to the stars.
JENNY: You don't half say mad things.
MARTHA: That's where I'm going. Into the sky, all the way out.

(Something flashes in the sky.)

MARTHA: Did you see that?
JENNY: See what?
MARTHA: Did you see it, though? Right up there, just for a second.
JENNY: Martha, there's nothing there.

(Joan is walking through a field when she is blinded by a green light that appears to be searching the ground. Then it disappears. She runs.)

MARTHA: Matron, are you all right?
JOAN: Did you see that? There was something in the woods. This light.

(The Doctor arrives.)

DOCTOR: Anything wrong, ladies? Far too cold to be standing around in the dark, don't you.
JOAN: There, there. Look in the sky.

(A light crosses the sky.)

JENNY: Oh, that's beautiful.
DOCTOR: All gone. Commonly known as a meteorite. It's just rocks falling to the ground, that's all.
JOAN: It came down in the woods.
DOCTOR: No, no, no. No, they always look close, when actually they're miles off. Nothing left but a cinder. Now, I should escort you back to the school. Ladies?
MARTHA: No, we're fine, thanks.
DOCTOR: Then I shall bid you goodnight.

(The Doctor and Joan leave.)

MARTHA: Jenny, where was that? On the horizon, where the light was headed.
JENNY: That's by Cooper's Field.

(Martha leaves.)

JENNY: You can't just run off. It's dark. You'll break a leg.

(Jenny follows Martha.)

[Cooper's Field]

(Baines has found the stash of beer bottles when the green light comes down to the ground near him. It lands and the light goes out. He goes to investigate.)

BAINES: I say, hello? Was that some kind of aeroplane? You chaps all right?

(He walks into a green forcefield.)

BAINES: What? That's, that's impossible.

(He presses his hands against it and moves them sideways. There is a clunk as a hatch opens.)

BAINES: Some kind of door. Hello? Is anyone there?

(He goes inside. Martha and Jenny arrive.)

JENNY: There you are. Nothing there. I told you so.
MARTHA: And that's Cooper's Field?
JENNY: As far as the eye can see, and no falling star. Now come on, I'm frozen to the bone, let's go. As your Mister Smith says, nothing to see.

[Spacecraft]

BAINES: But I don't understand. Who are you?
FATHER [OC]: We are the Family.
MOTHER [OC]: Far more important, who are you, little thing?
BAINES: My name's Baines. Jeremy Baines. Please can I go?
MOTHER [OC]: I'm so sorry, Baines Jeremy Baines, but I don't think you can ever leave.
BAINES: But, who are you? Why can't I see you?
FATHER [OC]: Why would you want to see us?
BAINES: I want to know what you look like.
MOTHER [OC]: Oh, that's easily answered, because very soon we will look so familiar.

(Baines screams.)

[Dormitory]

(Latimer is polishing shoes as the school clock chimes the hour. The older boys are playing cards.)

HUTCHINSON: Where is he? Promises us beer then vanishes into the night.

(There is a knock at the window.)

HUTCHINSON: There he is. Let him in.

(One of the boys opens the window and Baines enters, slowly.)

HUTCHINSON: Baines, you dolt. I thought you'd been caught by the rozzers. Well, then? Where is it, man? Where's the blessed beer?
BAINES: There was no beer. It was gone.
HUTCHINSON: Damn it all, I've been waiting. Pretty poor show, Baines, I have to say. What's the matter with you? Caught sniffles out there?
BAINES: Yes, I must have. It was cold. Very cold.
HUTCHINSON: Well, don't spread it about, I don't want your germs. Come on, might as well get some sleep. Come on, chaps. Maybe tomorrow. Jackson's got some beer in the pavilion.

(Baines and Latimer look at each other. Baines sniffs and Latimer goes back to his polishing.)

[TARDIS]

(Martha bicycles out to an old barn and goes inside. She uses the key she was given at the end of 42 to unlock the TARDIS.)

MARTHA: Hello. I'm talking to a machine

[Memory - TARDIS]

DOCTOR: Get down! They're following us. They can follow us wherever we go. Right across the universe. They're never going to stop. Martha, you trust me, don't you?
MARTHA: Of course I do.
DOCTOR: Because it all depends on you. Martha, this watch is me.
MARTHA: Right, okay, gotcha. No, hold on. Completely lost.
DOCTOR: Those creatures are hunters. They can sniff out anyone, and me being a Time Lord, well, I'm unique. They can track me down across the whole of time and space.
MARTHA: Huh. And the good news is?
DOCTOR: They can smell me, they haven't seen me. And their life span'll be running out, so we hide. Wait for them to die.
MARTHA: But they can track us down.
DOCTOR: That's why I've got to do it. I have to stop being a Time Lord. I'm going to become human.

(A headset is lowered from the ceiling of the TARDIS.)

DOCTOR: Never thought I'd use this. All the times I've wondered.
MARTHA: What does it do?
DOCTOR: Chameleon Arch. Rewrites my biology. Literally changes every single cell in my body. I've set it to human.

(He puts the watch into the headset.)

DOCTOR: Now, the TARDIS will take care of everything. Invent a life story for me, find me a setting and integrate me. Can't do the same for you. You'll just have to improvise. I should have just enough residual awareness to let you in.
MARTHA: But, hold on. If you're going to rewrite every single cell, isn't it going to hurt?
DOCTOR: Oh, yeah. It hurts.

(Martha watches the Doctor suffer.)

[TARDIS]

(Martha turns on a recording the Doctor made earlier.)

DOCTOR [on scanner]: This working? Martha, before I change, here's a list of instructions for when I'm human. One, don't let me hurt anyone. We can't have that, but you know what humans are like. Two, don't worry about the TARDIS. I'll put it on emergency power so they can't detect it. Just let it hide away. Four. No, wait a minute, three. No getting involved in big historical events. Four, you. Don't let me abandon you. And fi-

(She fast forwards it.)

MARTHA: But there was a meteor, a shooting star. What am I supposed to do then?
DOCTOR [on scanner]: And twenty three. If anything goes wrong, if they find us, Martha, then you know what to do. Open the watch. Everything I am is kept safe in there. Now, I've put a perception filter on it so the human me won't think anything of it. To him, it's just a watch. But don't open it unless you have to. Because once it's open, then the Family will be able to find me. It's all down to you, Martha. Your choice. Oh, and thank you.
MARTHA: I wish you'd come back.

[Doctor's study]

(Latimer knocks on the door, and the Doctor opens it.)

LATIMER: You told me to come and collect that book, sir.
DOCTOR: Good lad. Yes. Yes! The Definitive Account of Mafeking by Aitchison Price. Where did I put it? And I wanted a little word. Your marks aren't quite good enough.
LATIMER: I'm top ten in my class, sir.
DOCTOR: Now, be honest, Timothy, you should be the very top. You're a clever boy. You seem to be hiding it. Where is that book? And I know why. Keeping your head low avoids the mockery of your classmates. But no man should hide himself, don't you think?
LATIMER: Yes, sir.

(The Doctor searches the shelves of his library alcove, and Latimer notices the watch.)

DOCTOR [OC]: You're clever. Be proud of it. Use it.

(Latimer picks up the watch and hears voices.)

MOTHER [watch]: Time Lord. Hide yourself.
DOCTOR [watch]: The secret lies within. I'm trapped. I'm kept inside the cogs.

(Latimer opens the watch, and outside in the grounds, Baines turns around.)

DOCTOR [watch]: In the dark, waiting. Always waiting.

(Latimer closes the watch and puts it in his pocket. The Doctor returns with the book.)

DOCTOR: Fascinating details about the siege. Really quite remarkable. Are you all right?
LATIMER: Yes, sir. Fine, sir.
DOCTOR: Right then. Good. And remember. Use that brain of yours.
DOCTOR [watch]: Power of a Time Lord.

(As the Doctor hands the book to Latimer, he sees images of the Doctor using his sonic screwdriver.)

DOCTOR: You're really not looking yourself, old chap. Anything bothering you?
LATIMER: No, sir. Thank you, sir.

[Dormitory]

(Latimer runs up to his dormitory, where he opens the watch again, and some golden energy drifts out.)

DOCTOR [watch]: You are not alone. Keep me hidden.
VOICES [watch]: And infinite fire. Burn with light. Burn in time.

(Latimer sees Daleks, Cybermen, Ood, Werewolf, Racnoss, Lazarus, Sycorax. Baines sniffs.)

[Farringham School]

(A teacher rings the bell for change of class.)

PHILIPS: Cut along. Classes are starting now. Come along, Jenkins.

(Baines ducks underneath the main staircase and a green light illuminates his face.)

BAINES [OC]: There is a trace, but somehow scattered. The scent is confused. Nevertheless, we'd best arm ourselves.
BAINES: Activate the soldiers.

[Field]

(A man in a brown three piece suit is walking across a field when he sees a scarecrow moving its arm.)

CLARK: That is my property, and you're trespassing on my land. Come on, who's in there? One of those idiot boys from the school, is it, eh? Come on, let's-

(Clark starts pulling out the straw stuffing then puts his hand through the scarecrow.)

CLARK: But how did you-

(The scarecrow tilts its head to one side. Two more scarecrows come up behind Clark.)

CLARK: No! Help me! Help me!

(A lot more scarecrows appear over the ridge. In a nearby lane, a little girl with a red balloon is walking along when she is picked up by a scarecrow. She screams.)

[Shooting range]

(The boys are practising firing machine guns at rough targets on ground below the terrace wall, watched by the Doctor and the Headmaster. Latimer is feeding in the ammo belt for Hutchinson.)

DOCTOR: Concentrate.

(Joan comes out of the school.)

DOCTOR: Hutchinson, excellent work.
ROCASTLE: Cease fire!
DOCTOR: Good day to you, Headmaster.
ROCASTLE: Your crew's on fine form today, Mister Smith.
HUTCHINSON: Excuse me, Headmaster. We could do a lot better. Latimer's being deliberately shoddy.
LATIMER: I'm trying my best.
ROCASTLE: You need to be better than the best. Those targets are tribesmen from the dark continent.
LATIMER: That's exactly the problem, sir. They only have spears.
ROCASTLE: Oh, dear me. Latimer takes it upon himself to make us realise how wrong we all are. I hope, Latimer, that one day you may have a just and proper war in which to prove yourself. Now, resume firing.

[World War I]

(As Hutchinson starts firing again, Latimer hears the whine of mortar shells and finds himself on the front lines of World War One.)

MAN [OC]: Mind the wire. Keep your heads down!

(Latimer is helping his comrade back to safety in the trenches. He looks at the watch.)

LATIMER: One minute past the hour. It's now. Hutchinson, this is the time. It's now.

(A shell screams towards them.)

[Shooting range]

(The machine gun has stopped firing.)

HUTCHINSON: Stoppage. Immediate action. Didn't I tell you, sir? This stupid boy is useless. Permission to give Latimer a beating, sir.
ROCASTLE: It's your class, Mister Smith.
DOCTOR: Permission granted.
HUTCHINSON: Right. Come with me, you little oik.

(Hutchinson and his friends leads the stunned Latimer away. Baines looks at the Doctor and sniffs.)

DOCTOR: Anything the matter, Baines?
BAINES: I thought. No, sir. Nothing, sir.

(Baines leaves.)

ROCASTLE: As you were, Mister Smith.
DOCTOR: Ah, Pemberton, Smythe, Wicks, take post.

(The Doctor walks up to the wall.)

DOCTOR: Ah, Nurse Redfern.
JOAN: Er, I'll give you back your journal when next I see you.
DOCTOR: No, no, no. You don't have to.
JOAN: If you'll excuse me, Mister Smith. I was just thinking about the day my husband was shot.

[Farringham village]

(Two workmen are hoisting an upright piano up to the first floor window of the Ironmongers. The Doctor and Joan are walking together.)

JOAN: His name was Oliver. He died in the battle of Spion Cop. We were childhood sweethearts. But you see, I was angry with the army for such a long time.
DOCTOR: You still are.
JOAN: I find myself as part of that school watching boys learn how to kill.
DOCTOR: Don't you think discipline is good for them?
JOAN: Does it have to be such military discipline? I mean, if there's another war those boys won't find it so amusing.
DOCTOR: Well, Great Britain is at peace, long may it reign.
JOAN: In your journal, in one of your stories, you wrote about next year. Nineteen fourteen.
DOCTOR: That was just a dream.
JOAN: All those images of mud and wire. You told of a shadow. A shadow falling across the entire world.
DOCTOR: Well then, we can be thankful it's not true. And I'll admit mankind doesn't need warfare and bloodshed to prove itself. Everyday life can provide honour and valour, and let's hope that from now on this, this country can find its heroes in smaller places.

(A woman rings her bicycle bell as she peddles along. The men with the piano struggle as it dangles from a fraying rope. Then a woman pushing a perambulator comes around the corner.)

DOCTOR: In the most

(He sees a boy standing next to him, with a cricket ball in his hand. Some more of the rope frays and the piano drops a bit.)

DOCTOR: Ordinary of, of deeds.

(The Doctor grabs the cricket ball, throws it at the scaffolding outside the Ironmongers, which falls and hits a plank that sends a brick flying through the air to knock down a milk churn in front of the perambulator, stopping it just before the rope finally gives up and drops the piano to the ground mere feet in front. The piano falls to pieces and the baby starts crying.)

WORKMAN: Are you all right? How's the little one?
DOCTOR: Lucky.
JOAN: That was luck?
DOCTOR: Nurse Redfern, might I invite you to the village dance this evening, as my guest?
JOAN: You extraordinary man.

[Field]

(The Doctor and Joan are walking along a cart track. There is a scarecrow nearby.)

JOAN: Oh, it's all becoming clear now. The Doctor is the man you'd like to be, doing impossible things with cricket balls.
DOCTOR: Well, I discovered a talent, that's certainly true.
JOAN: But the Doctor has an eye for the ladies.
DOCTOR: The devil.
JOAN: A girl at every fireplace.
DOCTOR: Ah, now, there I have to protest, Joan. That is hardly me.
JOAN: Says the man dancing with me tonight.
DOCTOR: That scarecrow's all skewed.

(They walk up to it, and the Doctor ties its arm back onto the cross-member.)

JOAN: Ever the artist. Where did you learn to draw?
DOCTOR: Gallifrey.
JOAN: Is that in Ireland?
DOCTOR: Yes, it must be, yes.
JOAN: But you're not Irish?
DOCTOR: Not at all, no. My father Sidney was a watchmaker from Nottingham, and my mother Verity was, er. Well, she was a nurse, actually.
JOAN: Oh. We make such good wives.
DOCTOR: Really? Right. Yes. Well, my work is done. What do you think?
JOAN: Masterpiece.
DOCTOR: All sorts of skills today!

(As they walk away, the scarecrow turns its head to watch them.)

[Doctor's study]

(The Doctor is making a sketch of Joan.)

JOAN: Can I see?

(The Doctor sits next to her on the Chesterfield.)

JOAN: Oh, goodness Do I look like that? Are you sure that's not me?

(A Slitheen on the previous page.)

DOCTOR: Most definitely this page. Do you like it?
JOAN: You've made me far too beautiful.
DOCTOR: Well, that's how I see you.
JOAN: Widows aren't supposed to be beautiful. I think the world would rather we stopped. Is that fair? That we stop?
DOCTOR: That's not fair at all.

(He strokes her hair and then kisses her.)

DOCTOR: I've never er-

(They kiss again, then the door opens.)

DOCTOR: Martha, what have I told you about entering unannounced?

(Martha runs out again.)

[Outside the Doctor's study]

MARTHA: That wasn't on the list.

[TARDIS]

(Martha runs through the recording of instructions again.)

DOCTOR [on scanner]: Four. You. Don't let me abandon you.
MARTHA: That's no good. What about the stuff you didn't tell me? What about women? Oh no, you didn't think of that. What in hell am I supposed to do then?
DOCTOR [on scanner]: Thank you.
MARTHA: You had to, didn't you? You had to go and fall in love with a human, and it wasn't me.

[School grounds]

(Young Latimer is sitting on a bench by a tree, holding the watch and hearing voices, including the Doctor's.)

WOMAN [watch]: Darkness is coming.
DOCTOR [watch]: Keep me away from the false and empty man.
MAN [watch]: The last of the Time Lords. The last of that wise and ancient race.
WOMAN [watch]: Merge with the faces of men.

(He sees Baines walk up to Mister Clark, then a red balloon bobs along behind a wall and the little girl joins them. All together they tilt their heads to the right and sniff deeply.)

[Country lane]

(Jenny is riding her bicycle when a scarecrow steps out in front of her.)

JENNY: Who's that playing silly beggars? Nearly broke me neck. Who's that, then? Is it you, Saul?

(More scarecrows lurch up behind her. She screams.)

[Spacecraft]

JENNY: I don't understand. It's Mister Clark, isn't it? What have I done wrong?
CLARK: Nothing at all. In fact, you're just what we need, girl.
BAINES: She works at the school, and whatever's happening seems to centred round that establishment. The faintest of traces, but they all lead back there.
JENNY: It's Baines, isn't it? This isn't very funny, sir.
BAINES: Just shut up. Stop talking. Cease and desist, there's a good girl! Mother of Mine is dying to meet you. And here she is.

(Baines holds a green glowing crystal ball.)

JENNY: Stop mocking me, sir.
BAINES: No! Mother of Mine just needs a shape. We go through shapes so very fast. Yours is perfectly adequate, if a little grim. Mother of Mine, embrace her.

(A green gas flows from the ball and into Jenny.)

[Doctor's study]

(Joan shows off her party dress.)

DOCTOR: You look wonderful.
JOAN: You'd best give me some warning. Er, can you actually dance?
DOCTOR: I'm not certain.
JOAN: There's a surprise. Is there anything you're certain about?
DOCTOR: Yes. Yes.

(He takes her hands.)

[Servant's quarters]

(Martha is pouring a cup of tea when Jenny comes in. The tray has two cups and a small cake on a stand.)

MARTHA: There you are. Come and look what I've got. Mister Poole didn't want his afternoon tea so Cook said I could have it. And there's enough for two. What are you standing there for?

(Jenny sniffs deeply.)

MARTHA: Are you all right?
JENNY: I must have a cold coming on.
MARTHA: The problem is, I keep thinking about them, but I don't know what to do.
JENNY: Thinking about who?
MARTHA: Mister Smith and Matron. Because it's never going to last. He's going to leave in a few weeks.
JENNY: Why?
MARTHA: It's like his contract comes to an end. And she's going to be heartbroken.
JENNY: Leave for where?
MARTHA: All sorts of places. I wish I could tell you, Jenny, but it's complicated.
JENNY: In what way?
MARTHA: I just can't.
JENNY: It sounds so interesting. Tell me. Tell me now.
MARTHA: Would you like some tea?
JENNY: Yes, thanks.
MARTHA: I could put a nice bit of gravy in the pot. And some mutton. Or sardines and jam. How about that?
JENNY: I like the sound of that.
MARTHA: Right. Hold on a tick.

(Martha leaves the room and outside. Jenny goes to the window and fires a green energy ray at her from a gun.)

[Doctor's study]

(Martha bursts in, breathless.)

MARTHA: They've found us.
JOAN: This is ridiculous.
DOCTOR: Martha, I've warned you.
MARTHA: They've found us, and I've seen them. They look like people, like us, like normal. I'm sorry, but you've got to open the watch. Where is it?

(She searches the mantlepiece.)

MARTHA: Oh, my God. Where's it gone? Where's the watch?
DOCTOR: What are you talking about?
MARTHA: You had a watch. A fob watch. Right there.
DOCTOR: Did I? I don't remember.
JOAN: I can't see what concern it is of yours.
MARTHA: But we need it. Oh, my God, Doctor, we're hiding from aliens, and they've got Jenny and they've possessed her or copied her or something, and you've got to tell me, where's the watch?
DOCTOR: Oh, I see. Cultural differences. It must be so confusing for you. Martha, this is what we call a story.
MARTHA: Oh you complete. This is not you. This is 1913.
DOCTOR: Good. This is 1913.
MARTHA: I've sorry. I'm really sorry, but I've got to snap you out of this.

(Martha slaps the Doctor, hard.)

JOAN: Martha!
MARTHA: Wake up! You're coming back to the TARDIS with me.
DOCTOR: How dare, how dare you. I'm not going anywhere with an insane servant. Martha, you are dismissed. You will leave these premises immediately. Now get out!

(He pushes Martha out into the corridor.)

DOCTOR: The nerve of it. The absolute cheek. You think I'm a fantasist? What about her?
JOAN: The funny thing is, you did have a fob watch, right there. Don't you remember?

[Courtyard]

(Martha bumps into Latimer as she runs back to the servant's wing.)

MARTHA: Oh, sorry!

(And he has a vision of her in her 2007 clothes.)

MARTHA: Sorry.
LATIMER: Martha?
MARTHA: Not now, Tim. Busy!

(Martha goes to the TARDIS and starts searching the Doctor's pockets for the watch.)

[Doctor's study]

BAINES: Mister Smith? No one home.
JENNY: The maid was definitely hiding something. A secret around this Mister Smith.
BAINES: We both scented him, though. He was plain and simple human.
JENNY: Maybe he knows something. Where is he?

[Entering the village hall]

JOAN: She's infatuated. You're a dangerous man.
DOCTOR: You've taken my arm in public.
JOAN: I'm very scared.

(Latimer watches from around the corner.)

BEGGAR: Spare a penny for the veterans of the Crimea, sir?
DOCTOR: Yes, of course. There you are.

(The Doctor and Joan go inside. Latimer follows as the beggar checks the coins in his cup.)

[Village hall]

CHAMBERS: Ladies and gentlemen. Please take your partners for a waltz.

(The village band starts playing.)

JOAN: You can dance.
DOCTOR: I surprise myself.

(They bump into another couple.)

DOCTOR: Sorry.

[Doctor's study]

(Baines and Jenny are searching the Doctor's little library when Clark walks in with the flyer for the dance.)

CLARK: I think this might help.
JENNY: That makes it easy, Son of Mine. Because Daughter of Mine's already there.
BAINES: We've been invited to the dance.

(The little girl is sitting at a table in the hall.)

[Outside the village hall]

(Martha walks up to the door.)

BEGGAR: Oh, staff entrance, I think, Miss.
MARTHA: Yeah? Well, think again, mate.

(Scarecrows watch from the bushes.)

[Village hall]

(The Doctor is fetching refreshments when Martha sits down at the table with Joan.)

JOAN: Please, don't. Not again.
MARTHA: He's different from any other man you've ever met, right?
JOAN: Yes.
MARTHA: And sometimes he says these strange things, like people and places you've never heard of, yeah? But it's deeper than that. Sometimes when you look in his eyes you know, you just know that there's something else in there. Something hidden. Right behind the eyes, something hidden away in the dark.
JOAN: I don't know what you mean.
MARTHA: Yes, you do. I don't mean to be rude, but the awful thing is it doesn't even matter what you think. But you're nice. And you're lucky. And I just wanted to say sorry for what I'm about to do.

(The Doctor returns to the table.)

DOCTOR: Oh, now really, Martha. This is getting out of hand. I must insist that you leave.

(Martha holds up the sonic screwdriver.)

MARTHA: Do you know what this is? Name it. Go on, name it.
JOAN: John, what is that silly thing? John?

(The Doctor takes the screwdriver.)

MARTHA: You're not John Smith. You're called the Doctor. The man in your journal, he's real. He's you.

(The little girl, Lucy, smiles.)

[Outside the village hall]

BEGGAR: Evening, all. Spare a penny, sir?
BAINES: I didn't spare you.

(Baines vapourises the old soldier with his green ray gun, then he, Clark and Jenny enter the hall.)

[Village hall]

(Latimer is already there. He looks out of a window and a scarecrow pops up in front of him, so he closes the curtain again.)

CLARK: There will be silence! All of you!

(Scarecrows enter.)

CLARK: I said, silence!
CHAMBERS: Mister Clarke, what's going on?

(He gets vapourised.)

MARTHA: Mister Smith? Everything I told you, just forget it! Don't say anything.
BAINES: We asked for silence! Now then, we have a few questions for Mister Smith.
LUCY: No, better than that. The teacher. He's the Doctor. I heard them talking.
BAINES: You took human form.
DOCTOR: Of course I'm human. I was born human, as were you, Baines. And Jenny, and you, Mister Clark. What is going on? This is madness.
BAINES: Ooo, and a human brain, too. Simple, thick and dull.
JENNY: But he's no good like this.
CLARK: We need a Time Lord.
BAINES: Easily done.

(Baines steps forward and raises his ray gun.)

BAINES: Change back.
DOCTOR: I don't know what you're talking about.
BAINES: Change back!
DOCTOR: I literally do not know-

(Jenny grabs Martha, and puts a gun to her head.)

MARTHA: Get off me!
JENNY: She's your friend, isn't she? Doesn't this scare you enough to change back?
DOCTOR: I don't know what you mean!
JENNY: Wait a minute. The maid told me about Smith and the Matron. That woman, there.
CLARK: Then let's have you.

(Clark takes Joan and puts his gun to her head.)

BAINES: Have you enjoyed it, Doctor, being human? Has it taught you wonderful things? Are you better, richer, wiser? Then let's see you answer this. Which one of them do you want us to kill? Maid or matron? Your friend or your lover? Your choice.

Transcript originally provided by Chrissie. Adapted by TARDIS.guide. The transcripts are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.

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