Now we’re talking. 

In terms of plot, this is just incredible. Every single concept introduced here (and there are like 20) is Cool as Hell. Humanoid TARDIS? Cool. Faction Paradox? Cool. Biodata as access codes to things and places? Cool. The Celestis and their undead underlings? Cool. The list goes on. The plot is not the easiest to follow, but everything falls into place surprisingly well at the end. I’d recommend reading this fast, before you forget what was going on in one of main threads the book follows: Qixotl, Homunculette & Marie, Trask, the Shift, Faction Paradox, UNISYC, and Kroton. In terms of writing, it’s also very engaging. We get to see the POV of every character at some point, and the style is very dynamic and pretty entertaining.

Going into more details. The whole thing with the biodata was super super cool. There’s some DW stories where the Doctor really is a more or less normal person, apart from being a genius with a time machine. There’s some where his alieness is more important, like his understanding of time, his biology, etc. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen him as “super powered” as in this story. My guy has the specialest biodata in the universe (courtesy of his travels, but specially of being an ex-President of the High Council) and he will use it. He’ll make the City’s security accept him and Sam, he’ll break into Mictlan. And of course, the whole plot of the book revolves around an auction for his dead body, which has such crazy biodata it’s pretty much a super weapon. This being a book, we also have access to stuff going on inside his head, like his whole ‘fight’ with the Shift, and the conversation with his ‘psychosis’/telepathic dead body. He was at his alien-est here, I think. Not just in terms of abilities, but in behaviour as well. He was very much in “Mystery Solver” mode for 80% of the story. There’s a Time Lord from the future there, Faction Paradox is there, Gallifrey is at war, and the Doctor shouldn’t be there, should not receive this information about the future. The cherry on the cake, of course, is Qixotl telling him it’s his body they’re auctioning. It’s a mystery he cannot solve because he cannot get involved, but he also feels tremendous responsibility over what each of these people are going to do to the universe if they get the Relic. He doesn’t know the story, cannot know the story, so can’t trust any of them, not even the Time Lords.

I don’t know if I felt that because the story is so unique, but I could not guess what the Doctor was gonna do next. He was shushing and ignoring Sam a lot; he seemed less caring in general, towards the others. Difficult to say things like that for a character like the Doctor, but some parts didn’t feel much like the Eight of the past 5 books to me. Idk, maybe I felt that because, since there was so much going on, we got little time with the “I’m here to have fun” Doctor and the “Out of my way, I have to save my friends” Doctor. “I’m here to have fun” Doctor is there at the beginning, in that fantastic scene with his chess game with the General, and when they’re still F-ing Around in the ziggurat. Once they Find Out, he pushes Sam’s existence to the back of his mind. So to the back that “Out of my way, I have to save my friends” Doctor is very nearly too late to save her from death by giant baby. 

Sam. It’s the 6th book, and I still don’t get her. I liked her in Vampire Science and in Genocide, she was very ‘meh’ is Bodysnatchers and War of the Daleks, and here she is kinda 'whatever'. She’s there, she investigates a bit, helps Lt. Bergman with the immense culture shock of meeting aliens, then almost dies. The main thing going on with her here is the revelation that she has two sets of biodata, two different lives: her life with the Doctor, and another where she’s never even met him and is a screw-up. She has a minor freak-out about this, but recovers so fast the Doctor finds it disconcerting. He wonders if his mere presence in the universe “created” Sam as a “perfect companion” for him, and changed her timeline. If not him, maybe another force (the enemy?) did it. Or maybe it’s something else altogether. But my point is, Sam the person, Sam the teenage girl, doesn’t get a chance to do much, and at this point I just think she has a weak characterization. I hope the rest of the series doesn’t go too ‘Impossible Girl’ on me with this dual timeline thing. 

Bottom line: amazing concepts, amazing new things to look forward to, maaaany amazing questions left unanswered.

Eighth Doctor Adventures #6:
--- "Alien Bodies" by Lawrence Miles

Up to this point, the EDAs have been immensely disappointing for me. I can't do an in depth review the first few of them since I have a tendency to forget something about a month after I've experienced it and damn if I'm going to read that pile of shit again but quickly: The Eight Doctors is a complete mess, Vampire Science is okay but pretty forgettable, The Bodysnatchers is one of the most miserable experiences I've had reading a book, Genocide is an even bigger mess than the Eight Doctors that also completely fails trying to write Jo Grant, War of the Daleks was a glorified canon plaster and you can read my review of Kursaal to get my thoughts on it. I was simply waiting to get to this book, Alien Bodies, commonly sited as one of the best Doctor Who books ever and the introduction of the EDA's overarching antagonists: Faction Paradox. And finally, the EDAs have gotten going.

In the depths of a dense and unforgiving jungle, the most destructive forces of the galaxy are amassing in an impossible city, all to bid on what is rumoured to be the greatest weapon in existence. But the auction is soon interrupted by the Doctor and Sam, who are horrified to discover just how familiar the item up for sale is.

(CONTAINS SPOILERS)

Alien Bodies is a book that is just teaming with cool concepts and excellent visuals all penned by Lawrence Miles, an author I have been itching to get to since I started collecting Doctor Who books. First of all, the premise is immediately one of the most enticing in the whole IP; an auction attended by a cast of abstract, conniving aliens, where the item up for sale is the Doctor's dead body, is such a cool idea and Lawrence Miles is a writer with enough creativity to realise this premise to the fullest of its extent. Alien Bodies is notable to me for having what might be my favourite side cast of any story in Doctor Who, full of incredibly well written colourful characters that are simply a joy to read: the slimy machinations of Mr. Qixotl, the innate smugness of Homunculette, the seedy rituals of the infinitely entertaining and fascinating Faction Paradox, an element of this book I knew I was going to love before I even read it, is all great. Faction Paradox on their own sell this book as, before even reading anything with them in, I was enamoured with the time travelling cult that worships using paradoxes and has a vendetta against Time Lords. Even that sentence is cool and they're not even the end of our cast. The Shift is not only one of the most genius ideas I've ever seen for an alien but they make for an incredible twist villain, especially since they seemed like the most rational member of the auction up to the reveal. The only guests I wasn't too fond of was the mostly docile corpse Trask and the Kroton E-Kobalt, as I've never seen "The Krotons" and felt nothing upon seeing their appearance, despite the hilarious childishness of this supposedly vast and great waring empire.

Oh, and that's another thing, this book is really funny. From Qixotl trying to entertain his guests using "Raston Warrior Lap Dancers", which is already funny on its own, to a sentient TARDIS recounting, and this is not a joke, losing their virginity to another TARDIS in the vortex, Miles has a distinct humour to his completely insane designs that make Alien Bodies a joy to read. It also managed to heal one of my main gripes of the EDAs so far - Samantha Jones. Sam is one of my least favourite companions of all time (at least at the moment): a bland and lifeless copy of companions that came before her with nothing interesting to add to any story she's in, I actually kind of liked her here. She felt very down to Earth and there's a set up for a later plot thread surrounding her that I was pretty interested in. She's nowhere near my favourites, obviously, but I definitely found her a little more endearing than before.

If I had to point out some criticisms, I'd say the beginning was a little slow and it took until the guests began arriving in the ziggurat before I really got invested and the ziggurat itself I found to be a pretty dull setting, with dark stone corridors being the set piece for a majority of scenes in the book. However, this is simply the background of one the most wild, imaginative and thoroughly enjoyable books I have ever read that seems to be the norm for the later EDAs, so needless to say I am very excited to get to them.

Alien Bodies was a ride and its a book that's going to stick with me for a very long time. The Eighth Doctor Adventures is a range that seems to finally be picking up and I am overjoyed because, if we get more books like this, I'm going to be there every time.

10/10

Pros:
+ Genius premise with endless possibilities
+ One of the best side casts in any Doctor Who story
+ Teaming with brilliant, fully realised ideas
+ The Shift is not only an endlessly entertaining character but a very effective twist villain
+ Sam actually has some shred of interesting characterisation
+ Genuinely funny prose that feels lighthearted between the insanity
+ Faction Paradox is a concept I am already in love with and every scene in this book involving them is a highlight
+ Great enigmas riddled throughout the book, such as the nature of the War, the identity of the Enemy and what exactly happens to the Doctor that finally slays him

Cons:
- The beginning takes a while to get going
- The Ziggurat isn't a setting I found to be very interesting
- The story's conclusion feels strange, like it could've ended twenty pages earlier than it did