The Monthly Adventures #043 - “Doctor Who and the Pirates" by Jacqueline Raynor

It’s always hard when you run into a popular story you just can’t get it into. No point in avoiding what will be the main talking point of this review, I don’t like Doctor Who and the Pirates. I think it is some novel concepts that forgot the basic tenets of scriptwriting and, as a result, came out lacklustre. It’s not a story I’m particularly fond of and not one I have a large amount to say on, it simply is a story that is not for me, one that was created with a different target demographic in mind that I just can’t seem to connect with. A swashbuckling adventure with an intrusive sense of humour and an annoyingly eccentric style.

Who doesn’t love a good story about pirates? Evelyn thinks the answer to be no-one, so when she takes it upon herself to cheer up one of her students, she tells the story of the time she and the Doctor were taken prisoner by fearsome pirate king Red Jasper.

(CONTAINS SPOILERS)

When looking at an episode that seems to fit normally into positive public perception and giving it a low score, one first must consider its positives and why it is so beloved. I think the main reason for Doctor Who and the Pirates’ success are elements that simply do not appeal to me but I can take part in admiring a few of its factors. At its heart, it is a story based on the gimmick of it being told by the Doctor and Evelyn, and not in the Companion Chronicles way of every companion having script level accuracy storytelling but in the way that they keep misremembering things or skipping over boring bits or making it more exciting for whomever it is they’re talking to. This gimmick is done really well, I have to say, and the ways it’s implemented are all pretty fun, from Evelyn not being able to think of enough names for the characters to giving Red Jasper countless anachronisms to shy away from his actual cutthroat nature. It’s a good idea done with a great amount of creativity that could only really, truly work on audio. As for the rest of the story, I think it pretty much fails on all fronts but one. When Raynor dials in the campiness and the pantomime-esque shenanigans, she can deliver some really solid scriptwriting. For one, Evelyn has some really great character development here, with the whole framing device of her trying to soothe a grieving student, whilst dealing with her own guilt over a character in the story’s death. It’s a great little setup through which we see more of her than we have before and really get a glimpse into the things that’ll make her one of the greatest companions in Doctor Who, at least in my opinion. In fact, every single plot beat that is separate from this story’s wall of noise is leagues greater than the rest of the narrative, and the tone probably should’ve been somewhat closer to that.

But, alas, it was not. I’m not denying that Doctor Who and the Pirates is a story with a lot of merits, I’m just saying that I don’t like it personally. I think this might be the first score I’ve given that’s based mostly on my own personal feelings rather than what I consider outright criticism, even the best bits (like the surprisingly solid musical Part 3) were just part of a story that doesn’t appeal to my personal tastes, and that’s fine, you don’t have to objective on everything. But do I think Doctor Who and the Pirates is a perfect story that I’m just baselessly against? No. No, absolutely not. I find that Doctor Who and the Pirates is a story that had a great idea, spent all its energy on realising that idea, and then forgot to write a compelling story around it. A gimmick is fun and all, but a story should take precedence in any work of fiction, which it doesn’t here. The story is basic and derivative: a nasty pirate wants to find a mystical treasure, throw in a bunch of one-dimensional, faceless characters and you’re done. The villains are tricked easily and the plot is moved forward by fantasies, it’s not very interesting and is paced poorly. And then there’s the cadence of it all. I guess it’s based on old Gilbert and Sullivan musicals so I don’t know if it’s reflective of them but the whole thing feels so ridiculous, like a really bad pantomime. Again, this might be a matter of taste but little to none of the humour landed for me and all the characters felt more like caricatures.

I’m not sure how many more ways to say “this wasn’t for me” there are, so I’ll stop this review here. Doctor Who and the Pirates is a fun audio with some good ideas, but I just can’t bring myself to like it. It’s a cacophony of loud voice acting and musical numbers that can never seem to stick the landing, no matter how hard it tries. I think it probably is a good story, or at least a passable one, but I wouldn’t know.

5/10

Pros:

+ Has good ideas and uses them well, in increasingly creative and unique ways

+ Some really nice character growth for Evelyn

+ Portrays emotional beats with a surprising amount of tact

Cons:

- A really simplistic and dull story with little forward momentum

- Has practically no good characters besides our regulars

- Irritatingly hyper and quirky

- On a personal level, does not work for me