Attack Of The Cybermen is a story whose reputation precedes it. I've seen plenty of people hail it as a masterpiece, and an equal and opposite amount of people who treat watching it it like stepping in dog poo on the street. So what do I think?

Ehhhhhh I don't know.

Look. I like it. But I also don't? I can never make up my mind on if I like it because of the dark elements in it, or because bits of it are so hilariously strange that they classify as “so bad it's good”. Alright, let's try and make a coherent thread out of this.

For one, let's address the elephant in the room. We know Paula Moore/Woolsley didn't write it. So who did? Everyone has debated til the cows came home about whether or not it's Eric Saward, Ian Levine or John Nathan-Turner. In my mind, it's very obviously Eric Saward. For a start, it has his trademark dark storytelling, hilariously overcomplicated dialogue ('Sawardese') and things that happen purely for the sake of ✨ d r a m a ✨. This is very clearly an Eric Saward script.

This story is memorable for a couple of reasons: one, it's violent as all hell, and two, Peri's outfits. Let's start with the latter then get to the former.

As a cosplayer, Peri's outfits are iconic. They're instantly recognisable, easy to source and easy to wear. Instant classics. However, from a story point of view... yeah no, no amount of justification is going to be able to explain her costume in Part 1 of this story. With other companions you could kind of maybe see what they were trying to go for - Leela's jumps out at me in this regard given she's from a culture and a planet where her kind dress like this for ease of combat and tradition. At least that makes sense to her background and her character, I suppose. Peri, on the other hand, doesn't have much of a reason to be running around in skimpy outfits other than the infamous “for the dads” reasoning. Eugh. At least she's given a more reasonable jumpsuit in Part 2, which leads to the humorous relevation that the Cybermen must have dressed her in it given they knew Telos would be too cold for her Part 1 getup. That'll always be funny to me.

Right, so let's talk violence. Doctor Who, especially Classic Who, is known for it. And while I think a healthy dose of fighting in a Who story is a good thing, Attack Of The Cybermen kinda goes a bit overboard with it. Death after death after death. Brutal depictions of cyber-conversion. Lytton's hands being squeezed until they're bleeding rapidly as he screams in pain. The Doctor casually run-and-gunning the Cybermen in the big punchup at the end. Say what you will about the drowning scene in The Deadly Assassin, but Attack takes the notion of “Let's do violence!” and turns it up to 11. I remember reading somewhere that Attack has a higher body count than Terminator. While I'm not entirely sure how true that is, I can certainly believe it. This story is so goddamn gory, it's almost painful to watch. As I've said before, I love me a dark story, but not one that just revels in making the audience uncomfortable.

That's kinda my main problem with Attack. It doesn't know what kind of story is wants to be. Is it a “return of Lytton” adventure that explores how underhanded and shady his operations are? Is it a gruesome return to form for the Cybermen, taking them back to their macabre and experimental roots, dabbling in body horror? Is it your typical Six and Peri story where they argue and can't get along? All of these things happen, yes, but there's no through line, so to speak. What's connecting them, save for the trademark bizarre dialogue choices? Not much, if I'm honest.

As a series opener, Attack has the task of reminding our audience where we were when we left the Doctor and their companion and possibly introduce new audience members to how the show works. It fails at both of these. Is it a story that is at the very least entertaining? Yeah. Very entertaining, even funny at times. Is it also a confused and muddled mess that isn't sure what it wants to be so just throws everything at the wall and hope something sticks? Also yes.

I have to give a shoutout to Matthew Robinson's direction. The story might be all over the place, but his co-ordination with the lighting crew, cameramen and set designers is top-notch. He's made the most of an otherwise confusing mess. The actors deserve credit as well. They're really trying to make this hodgepodge work, and for the most part - I'd argue - they succeed. The music's really good, too. That's the problem, you see. The more negative thoughts and confusion about this thing cloud my judgement of the piece, which makes it really difficult for me to make a fair judgement of the piece. It's hard to know what to say about something I can't make my mind up on, and I wish I could come up with something much more conclusive to say.

Bottom-line, I'd have done it differently. That's really all I can say on the matter.