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Tags: Funny
SUSAN: Oh, pet. Anything to help. I don't mind. I'll make the tea.
IBRAHIM: Did you make this tea?
SUSAN: I did, yes.
IBRAHIM: Don't make the tea.
— Empire of Death
FLOOD: And that's how the story of the Church on Ruby Road comes to an end, with a very happy ending for little Ruby Sunday. But life goes on, doesn't it? Ruthlessly. And what happens, you might wonder. Oh, what happens to that mysterious traveller in Time and Space known as the Doctor? I'm sorry to say his story ends in absolute terror. Night, night.
— Mrs Flood, Empire of Death
KATE: Ruby, this is a gold security establishment. Even the Prime Minister can't walk into UNIT.
MORRIS: Especially the Prime Minister.
— The Legend of Ruby Sunday
KATE: But... Okay, the grandchild exists and you've got the TARDIS, but you've never gone back to see her. Why not?
DOCTOR: You've seen my life. I bring disaster, Kate. Disaster. What if I go back and ruin her?
KATE: For what it's worth, I think you bring joy.
CHERRY: I would love a cup of tea.
FLOOD: Would you, sweetheart? Well, we'd all like a lot of things... that aren't going to happen.
CHERRY: What that supposed to mean?
FLOOD: I'd be very careful, Mrs Sunday. There's a storm coming in. He waits no more.
CARLA: I just need you to look after Mum. It's only going to be for a couple of hours.
FLOOD: Oh, leave her to me. I nursed my old mum through diabetes and a hip operation. She died of an ulcer. But that was when I wasn't looking.
DOCTOR: But there is one thing that I should warn you about, Ruby, and this is really very serious. With all of my adventures throughout Time and Space, I have to tell you there is always a twist at the end.
— Fifteenth Doctor, The Devil’s Chord
DOCTOR: Oh. Oh, we're on a baby farm. Ha-ha! A parthenogenesis machine. What is it with you and babies?
RUBY: I was going to say the same thing to you.
DOCTOR: We've gone from baby to baby. I'm not saying things are connected, and yet... things connect.
— Space Babies
CHERRY: I've given up on that cuppa and opted for a life of abstinence.
— Cherry Sunday, The Church on Ruby Road
THE TOYMAKER: Well, that’s alright, then!
— The Toymaker, The Giggle
ROSE: You're assuming "he" as a pronoun?
DOCTOR: True. Yes. Sorry. Good point. Are you he or she or they?
MEEP: My chosen pronoun is the definite article. I am always The Meep.
DOCTOR: Oh. I do that.
— The Star Beast
RIVER: Does sarcasm help?
DOCTOR: Wouldn't it be a great universe if it did?
— The Husbands of River Song
Tags: Sad
DOCTOR: Sometimes the only choices you have are bad ones. But you still have to choose.
— Twelfth Doctor, Mummy on the Orient Express
DOCTOR: Oh, and I met a horse.
MICKEY: What's a horse doing on a spaceship?
DOCTOR: Mickey, what's pre-Revolutionary France doing on a spaceship? Get a little perspective.
— The Girl in the Fireplace
DOCTOR: The best thing that you can do is to change gender again.
— Third Doctor, The Ghosts of N-Space
ACE: Don't you have things you hate?
DOCTOR: I can't stand burnt toast. I loathe bus stations. Terrible places. Full of lost luggage and lost souls.
ACE: I told you I never wanted to come back here again.
DOCTOR: And then, there's unrequited love, and tyranny, and cruelty.
ACE: Too right.
DOCTOR: We all have a universe of our own terrors to face.
ACE: I face mine on my own terms.
— Ghost Light
DOCTOR: Do you usually do what I usually do in these circumstances?
DEPUTY: What's that?
DOCTOR: Run!
— Paradise Towers
DOCTOR: Why can't people be nice to one another, just for a change. I mean, I'm an alien, and you don't want to drag me into a swamp, do you. You do.
— Fourth Doctor, Full Circle
DOCTOR: I say, what a wonderful butler. He's so violent.
— Fourth Doctor, City of Death
DOCTOR: By the time I've called look out, what's your name?
ROMANA: Romanadvoratnelundar.
DOCTOR: By the time I've called that out, you could be dead. I'll call you Romana.
ROMANA: I don't like Romana.
DOCTOR: It's either Romana or Fred.
ROMANA: All right, call me Fred.
DOCTOR: Good. Come on, Romana.
— The Ribos Operation
ROMANA: My name is Romanadvoratnelundar.
DOCTOR: I'm so sorry about that. Is there anything we can do?
CASEY: Chains clanking, nine foot tall.
JAGO: You've been drinking.
CASEY: Not a drop, sir.
JAGO: Well, it's time you started.
(Jago holds out his hip flask. Casey takes a long pull.)
— The Talons of Weng-Chiang
DOCTOR: To the rational mind, nothing is inexplicable; only unexplained.
— Fourth Doctor, The Robots of Death
DOCTOR: Answers are easy. It’s asking the right questions which is hard.
— Fourth Doctor, The Face of Evil
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