Doctor Who – The Ninth Doctor Chronicles

#1.04. Retail Therapy ~ 10/10

◆ An Introduction

Has anyone else noticed that you never hear anything about AVON anymore? I have distinct memories of my nanna being a representative for them when I was a little kid, and that my mam would sometimes drop the parcels off for her. I could never see the appeal of working for a pyramid scheme barely disguised as a cosmetics brand, especially not now; they’re still operating within Russia, despite sanctions placed on said nation after the 2022 invasion of Ukraine.

Some people believe they have a keen eye for scams and can’t be fooled. Ironically, this is why so many people still fall for pyramid schemes; their overconfidence can lead to them dismissing warning signs, assuming they’re immune to falling victim to fraud.

If only somebody had told Jackie Tyler this: she might not have launched an alien invasion from her sitting room…

◆ Publisher’s Summary

Jackie Tyler is a success. Every home should have a Glubby Glub, and Jackie is star saleswoman on the Powell Estate. At last, she’s found her calling and it's only a matter of time before she can give Rose the life she deserves. But the Doctor isn't impressed. Jackie Tyler isn't just filling peoples’ houses with useless clutter. He believes she’s launching an alien invasion…

◆ The Ninth Doctor

James Goss is one of the most popular writers working on the audio adventures, and is practically running the Torchwood side of things. It astounds me that ‘Retail Therapy’ is his first and only time writing for the Ninth Doctor, because his characterisation is absolutely on point: his dialogue certainly got a fair few laughs out of me! It’s clear that the Doctor either struggles with social niceties, or just doesn’t have the patience, and that’s always the vibe he gave off in Series One.

People were dragging Briggsy’s name through the mud when the trailer for this set dropped, because they thought his impersonation was utterly dreadful! I’ve been fairly harsh on him myself, but he’s been steadily improving throughout these four episodes. That’s why I can happily say that Briggsy delivers a fantastic performance in ‘Retail Therapy’. If the quality was always this high, then I actually wouldn’t mind another series of adventures featuring “Briggleston”.

He isn’t an emergency service for mothers. The Doctor hasn’t seen the Tardis laundry for a while; he thinks it might be sulking. He hates being teased. Humans have got such limited hearing, he’s not surprised that dogs take pity on them. Trouble is what the Doctor’s good at, though Jackie claims that he’s hardly Clint Eastwood! He’s got nothing against the odd knick-knack, somewhere he’s got a room full of snow globes, but the Glubby Glubs are just a bit odd.

◆ Rose Tyler

Rose becomes something of a supporting character in ‘Retail Therapy’. I honestly don’t mind her being treated as such, because she still receives some excellent dialogue and moments with her mother. It’d be magnificent though if Goss could write something where Rose was the focal point; possibly even an episode of ‘The Dimension Cannon’.

Credit where credit is due: this was a fantastic performance from our Briggsy. I’m confident in saying that he’s mastered his Billie Piper impersonation, and I wouldn’t mind hearing it again.

Just because the Glubby Glubs are pink and weird, doesn’t mean they’re alien. Rose just thinks they look tacky. She thinks it’s nice to see her mum having a project, being a success, even if it is just flogging stuff to the neighbours.

◆ Jackie Tyler

Jackie has always been one of the most likeable characters. A single mother from a working class background, she’s always tried her hardest to give her daughter a good life. She also has bundles of attitude and can deliver an impressive slap when needed! ‘Retail Therapy’ is one of the greatest episodes for Jackie. The reasons she gives for signing up to be a Glubby Glub representative are really sweet too; she’s been saving up money in the hopes of buying a place in the Costa del Sol, so that Rose has somewhere nice to visit when she comes home from her travels.

I don’t think anybody will be surprised that Camille Coduri steals the show here. I’m convinced this script was tailor made to play to her strengths, because all her dialogue is jam-packed with attitude and emotion. Whilst I do agree that she has been a tad overused in recent years – even making an appearance in that dire ‘Doom’s Day’ release – nobody puts on a show quite like her.

Jackie has just sold thirty Glubby Glubs: they’re the latest craze, and she can’t flog enough of them! Everyone has been telling Jackie how good she looks. It says on the Glubby Glub packets that they make you feel a million dollars, and they do. She’s been sleeping brilliantly, and she could swear she looks five years younger. Jackie doesn’t want the Doctor to be right; she hates it when he’s right. Mums have a role in life, they protect their daughters, and when they meet a man they watch them like hawks: they may like them, they may just put up with them, but they watch them and they know what to expect. The Doctor is different. He is offering Rose everything Jackie never could. She made ends meet: there were birthday presents, and the Christmas club, and so on. But travel, adventure, and exotic holidays? Forget it. Jackie’s whole life has been about making do, and the Doctor just turns up like he doesn’t care and takes Rose everywhere, gives her everything; he doesn’t even do what Mickey does and be nice to her face, and roll his eyes behind her back. She is nothing to the Doctor, and he makes that so clear to her.

◆ Overpriced, Alien Knick-knacks

Some of you might remember that two talentless YouTubers released a series of energy drinks, which immediately took the nation by storm. Speaking as somebody who works in retail, I saw customers trying to grab as many bottles of the stuff as possible; it became so chaotic that the company eventually had to limit sales to one bottle per person! It only took two years, but the hype surrounding PRIME has finally died out… probably because everyone realised that the taste is like swallowing perfume!

The point I’m trying to make is that everybody wants in on the latest fad, and the Glubby Glubs were no different. The easiest way to describe them was as eggs that were pink and squishy: the Doctor theorised that they were designed to be deliberately inoffensive, and that they were the vanguard of some alien invasion. Whilst they were based on extraterrestrial technology, they were actually manufactured by a corporation on Earth.

Glubby Glubs induced a feeling of relaxation, as well as drowsiness and memory loss, because they stole the energy from those who bought them and passed it on to the seller. Rather worryingly, they were also capable of draining the energy from a Tardis, and the Time Lords that piloted them.

Tycho Fairbank, managing director of the Glubby Glub Company, was essentially using these innocuous pink eggs as his own personal fountain of youth; explains how someone due to retire can appear to be in their mid-twenties, and be in peak physical health.

◆ Sound Design

Rose compares the Glubby Glubs to stress balls during this episode: they sound like a dog’s squeaky toy when you squeeze them, and purr like a cat when you stroke them.

◆ Conclusion

“I just wanted you to be proud of your mum, and know that there’ll always be somewhere for you.”

Every home should have a Glubby Glub. Not only are they supposed to make you feel a million dollars, but they also make you look ten years younger. It all sounds too good to be true… and unfortunately, it is. These innocuous pink eggs have been draining the life energy from every single customer, and redistributing it amongst the filthy rich! Is this just another money-making scheme, or the beginnings of an alien invasion?

This is one of the greatest episodes for Jackie Tyler. I don’t think anybody will be surprised that Camille Coduri steals the show here. I’m convinced this script was tailor made to play to her strengths, because all her dialogue is jam-packed with attitude and emotion. One of her scenes in particular was beautifully written: Jackie attempts to make peace with the Doctor over a bottle of shandy, whilst explaining to him why she became a sales rep for Glubby Glub. Her motivations are incredibly sweet and make a lot of sense.

‘Retail Therapy’ begins life as a comedy runaround, but gradually throws more and more heart-warming moments at you. I also adore that the story can basically be summed up as “Jackie becomes a saleswoman for extraterrestrial AVON.” This was a home run for James Goss, and a fantastic end to the box set.

Doctor Who – The Ninth Doctor Chronicles

#1.03. The Other Side ~ 8/10

◆ An Introduction

Cinemas are magical places that transport you to different worlds; often by assaulting your ears with loud speakers, whilst your eyes are glued to an IMAX screen. The last time I visited one was when I watched Oppenheimer with my mate Andrew, and I can still remember feeling my chair shake during the nuclear testing scenes.

Cinemas are magical places filled with shadows, and become beautifully sad when they’re abandoned. But they can still transport you to different times, as the Doctor and his friends are about to discover…

◆ Publisher’s Summary

Rose has invited a new friend on board the TARDIS, against the Doctor’s better judgement. But when the Time Lord tries to take his unwelcome guest home, a temporal tsunami cuts the journey short. The travellers find the source of the disturbance inside an abandoned cinema. Will Adam Mitchell help or hinder when the Doctor and Rose discover what is lurking on the other side of the screen?

◆ DISCLAIMER

Bruno Langley became a convicted criminal only a couple of months after this story was released, which is why I’m separating the art from the artist whilst writing this review.

◆ The Ninth Doctor

Someone has finally written this incarnation well, after two lacklustre episodes that bored me into a coma! One of the high points from this episode was the banter between the Doctor and his companions; you could easily imagine the lines being written for Eccleston.

Briggsy has finally gotten to grips with this impersonation and manages to deliver a pretty good performance.

Nine is the Doctor’s lucky number. 1922 is a lot slower than he remembers it.

◆ Rose Tyler

Rose has been given a fair amount of material in ‘The Other Side’, including being swept backwards in time to the 1920s, when the cinema was a busy little dance hall. Handcock does a great job with her.

I have to take my hat off to Briggsy, because his impersonation of Billie Piper has improved tenfold since the previous episode. He sounds a lot more comfortable in the role, and the accent sounds a lot more natural too. A really good performance.

◆ Adam Mitchell

It was a strange choice to bring back the “failed companion”. An arrogant genius who was promptly booted out of the Tardis when he attempted to change the course of human history; refusing to take responsibility for his actions or realise what could’ve happened had he succeeded. Adam only existed to make Rose look better, which he managed to do by consistently being the most aggravating person in the room. Scott Handcock attempts to make him a bit more likeable in ‘The Other Side’, and gives him a chance to actually impress the Doctor.

Langley’s performance is honestly the best of the episode, a fact which leaves a really bitter taste in my mouth for pretty obvious reasons.

He really has to work harder at the questions. Twenty-four hours ago, Adam had been in a position of authority; responsible for cataloguing an array of alien artefacts, documenting what they were, and where they came from. More than that, his opinion had actually counted for something.

◆ Temporal Erasure

The Bygone Horde were casualties of the Time War that were erased from existence. The memory of them survived and they were left as echoes displaced from time on a plane of non-reality. It was in this reduced state that they banded together and became the Horde. They planned on resurrecting themselves – returning to a plane of existence – by emerging on Earth and sacrificing the human race.

I found the Horde to be an interesting antagonist, but they greatly reminded me of the people made of anti-time from ‘Neverland’.

◆ Sound Design

The voice of the Bygone Horde is rather impressive; this menagerie of low, rumbling voices coming out of the cinema’s decaying speakers. It’s somewhat reminiscent of how the 456 communicated with humanity during ‘Children of Earth’.

◆ Conclusion

“The veins that shape reality are bleeding. Once the wound is opened, we shall flee this non-existence.”

A temporal tsunami knocks the Tardis slightly off course, and the trio find themselves at a dilapidated cinema in the Midlands. Anomalies have been plaguing this site for decades, because a collection of echoes erased by the Time War are attempting to return to reality.

Scott Handcock delivers the most enjoyable story so far, in this release… which isn’t saying much, given the previous two episodes were nothing short of terrible. I was really interested in the Bygone Horde, despite their obvious similarities to the anti-time people from ‘Neverland’; they could easily return in another script and be greatly fleshed out.

A solid plot paired with fantastic performances all around. ‘The Other Side’ could quite easily slot into Series One, which is very high praise indeed.

Doctor Who – The Companion Chronicles

#4.03. The Prisoner of Peladon ~ 9/10

◆ An Introduction

The original Peladon adventure is one of my favourite stories from the Pertwee era; a political thriller with metaphors for the potential benefits of Great Britain joining the EU… where one of the delegates roughly resembled an octopus that had been marinaded in wasabi! It was Doctor Who having a gloriously camp time, and Aggedor was just adorable. I found the whole experience truly delightful, and was looking forward to watching the follow-up: such a shame it was excruciatingly boring!

‘The Curse of Peladon’ has spawned several sequels, across various platforms, but they never manage to be as enjoyable as the original. Scott and Wright are one of the most adored writing duos for the audio adventures; here’s hoping they can break the curse of the Peladon sequels.

◆ Publisher’s Summary

"Tonight, I am going to tell you the story of the Prisoner of Peladon, and of the time when a friend and protector returned to our planet. A man called… the Doctor."

The planet Peladon has joined the Galactic Federation, and has undergone a painful period of change. Still eager to embrace alien culture, King Peladon has welcomed refugee Ice Warriors to his world – innocent creatures that are fleeing the New Martian Republic.

But, as an old friend returns to the capitol, there is murder in the refugee camps. Could the truth lie in an ancient legend?

◆ King Peladon

Something of a departure from the norm of this range, Scott and Wright reunite us with the monarch of Peladon. Five years have passed since his world joined the Galactic Federation, and he’s become a much stronger ruler in a short amount of time. Now he’s got a new challenge to face: an influx of refugees escaping from the carnage of the Martian Civil War. Peladon was something of a wet weekend during his first appearance, so I really appreciate some writers taking the opportunity to give him some depth.

When your voice is as rich as freshly baked chocolate fudge brownies, your narration will be outstanding: I was hanging off of every word. David Troughton easily resurrects his character for audio, though gives him a more mature edge than what we saw in ‘The Curse of Peladon’. The only aspect of his performance I couldn’t take seriously was his Alpha Centauri, which sounded a bit like Mort from the Madagascar films.

When King Peladon was a boy, he would lay awake in his royal bed chamber, high up in the Citadel, long after the torches had burnt their last before dawn. He would listen to the wind and the rain howl and lash against the stone walls; he felt safe and warm under the heavy furs of his bed, knowing Aggedor had watched over him into the night. Sometimes, he thought he heard voices on the wind: people calling out. His mother and father found him, more than once, wandering the Citadel in his night clothes looking for the poor lost souls seeking shelter… but they were never there. Now he is older – perhaps not wiser, but definitely older – and he still finds himself listening to those voices on the wind, because the ruler of a planet must always listen. He must listen to his people; he must listen to his High Priest and his Chancellor; above all, he must listen to his heart and trust that it will guide him to do the right thing. King Peladon knows that nothing is constant: for years he’d known nothing but the Citadel – living an ordered, pre-destined life of privilege – but when the Federation came to Peladon, it brought with it a whole universe. The endless flux of shifting alliances within the Federation worlds never ceased to amaze him. It was this flux that brought the Martian refugees to his planet; refugees fleeing a violent and terrible military uprising on their home world. King Peladon admires the Martian people; fierce, proud, and resilient.

◆ The Third Doctor

This episode takes place a short while after the heartbreaking departure of Jo Grant, and we find the Doctor calling in on an old friend. Scott and Wright have done an excellent job with the characterisation here. I honestly wish we’d gotten something similar to this episode in place of that monstrous bore… sorry, I meant ‘The Monster of Peladon’.

Despite sounding an awful lot like a different incarnation – his father was the Second Doctor, after all – David Troughton expertly captures the essence of Pertwee.

The same careworn face, the same piercing eyes. The Doctor had come and gone like the ghost of Aggedor during the planet’s greatest time of need, yet here he was, this almost mythical figure to the people of Peladon. When asking the Doctor about Princess Josephine of Tardis, Peladon can see there is a sorrow weighing heavy on his heart when he admits that she’s moved on. When you have a nose like his, it’s wise to follow it sometimes! The Doctor could never resist a locked door, but sometimes the oldest and simplest of locking mechanisms can foil even the sonic screwdriver. King Peladon believes that destruction hangs over him like a broiling cloud, and he seems to revel living in its shadow. At least before, he had someone to keep him in check. Perhaps that’s why he looked so upset when the King asked after Jo: perhaps he realised that he needs someone like her, with heart, to keep him from going too far.

◆ Story Recap

Peladon had seen a time of great change: it had been five years since the planet was accepted into the Galactic Federation, and they had flourished. Their world was no longer regarded as a backwater rock, but as a strong and credible voice in the chaotic arena of the Federation Council. It had been a long struggle, and they had given much of themselves as a people, but King Peladon still passionately believes, to this day, that they have gained much more.

New Mars has recently experienced a violent and terrible military uprising, with many refugees seeking sanctuary on other Federation worlds. It was believed that the Martian Royal Family had been executed, but one of them survived, and has been tracked to Peladon.

Princes Lixgaar has been hidden away until safe passage to Galactic Federation headquarters can be arranged… but hidden by who? With forces loyal to the Grand Marshall rapidly closing in, can the Doctor and King Peladon save the last remaining heir to the Martian throne?

◆ Humanitarian Crisis

‘The Curse of Peladon’ managed to balance being a political thriller with having a camp old time, but this episode focuses a lot more on the former. Scott and Wright have created a world struggling with a refugee crisis, and a monarch doing everything in his power to accommodate those fleeing from the bloody revolt on New Mars.

This episode features some quite harrowing imagery; a Martian mother is slaughtered whilst trying to protect her young. A refugee camp has been established on Mount Megeshra, but it’s clearly meant as a temporary measure. Fighting and unrest have already broken out between Pel separatists and the poor unfortunates with no choice but to remain in the camp. Scenes like this serve as a harsh reminder of the ongoing humanitarian crisis in Palestine; fifteen years after this episode was released, and it’s taken on a new sense of poignancy.

◆ Sound Design

The Citadel: a Gothic castle built into the mountainside, constantly battered by violent thunderstorms. It’s one of the most recognisable locations from the original Peladon stories, and one Toby Hrycek-Robinson had me visualising in seconds!

◆ Conclusion

“Many still called the Martians Ice Warriors. A xenophobic throwback to a violent heritage: a heritage some sought to resurrect.”

New Mars has recently experienced a violent and terrible military uprising, with many refugees seeking sanctuary on other Federation worlds. It was believed that the Martian Royal Family had been executed, but one of them survived, and has been tracked to Peladon.

The performances in this episode are excellent: I think Nicholas Briggs deserves a round of applause for playing all the Ice Warriors, whilst giving each one their own identity. Then you’ve got the man whose voice is as decadent as a black forest gâteau! Troughton had me hanging off of his every word, especially during the opening scenes when King Peladon was recounting his tale.

The ‘Gallifrey’ range is the worst example of a political drama: it was drier than the Atacama Desert! On the flipside, Scott and Wright have managed to create something truly gripping for our return trip to Peladon, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I might have even convinced myself to purchase the 2022 ‘Peladon’ set…

Vienna

#2.03. The Vienna Experience ~ 10/10

◆ An Introduction

Imagine you’re in a car and you see a pedestrian crossing the road, and a bus is travelling at speed towards the crossing. Suddenly you realise the driver hasn’t seen the pedestrian and could cause an accident, so you bray on the horn. How did you make that split-second decision? A scientific study carried out at the Action Prediction Lab suggests that you automatically put yourself in the bus driver’s shoes and saw the scene through their eyes.

Being able to see the world from another perspective is a valuable life skill: it helps us to empathise with people, and work out what they’re thinking. It could also make for an immersive cinema experience like no other, something I’m sure that the disgustingly rich would pay through the nose for!

◆ Publisher’s Summary

Ever wanted to experience the life of an assassin? Longed to feel the thrill of the hunt? Now is your chance to get beneath the skin of Vienna Salvatori. See what she sees. Hear what she hears.

And pray she never finds out.

◆ Vienna Salvatori

Jonathan Morris does a great job at explaining why our impossibly glamorous bounty hunter has been acting as a copper for this entire series. Vienna is also afforded some excellent material generally throughout this finale, which is only to be expected: it’s been written by the man who created her. The idea of seeing the world through Vienna’s eyes sounds equal parts thrilling and traumatising; immerse yourself as a contract killer working on the right side of the law! Then you reach the half-way mark and have the rug pulled from under your feet. Something isn’t quite right with our resident assassin…

‘The Vienna Experience’ sees Chase Masterson firing on all cylinders. Not only is she playing the assassin we all know and love, she also turns her hand to voicing a psychotic shape-shifter undergoing an identity crisis; the very same creature who caused so much trouble for Vienna at the beginning of this series. An immaculate performance.

Vienna is – or was – an intergalactic assassin and bounty hunter. She had this endearing notion that her identity was a secret. Well, not to those with unlimited financial resources like Van Meyer. But money is merely a means to an end. It allows us to buy what we desire, and Van Meyer desired Vienna: his own deadly, beautiful toy to play with. Vienna is not for sale, but her services are very much a purchasable commodity. She’s not interested in being a cop. Her skills are precisely what Crime Corps needs; she is resourceful, intuitive, and according to her reputation, she will stop at nothing to get her man! Before joining Crime Corps, Vienna freelanced as a “private bringer of justice.” Now she’s on a payroll with a steady job, her own apartment, even her own pension plan!

◆ Big Brother is Watching You

Imagine being able to see the world through someone else’s eyes, and then marketing it as the latest innovation in immersive cinema. It would likely be reserved for the disgustingly rich, but they would pay handsomely to experience the thrill of being an influential politician, a pop star, or even an assassin.

Some people would be happy enough with the adrenaline rush they receive from spying on someone with an adventurous lifestyle, but others would want more. Jonathan Morris could’ve easily taken this concept down a much more disturbing route, but smartly decides to only reference the more explicit and downright creepy aspects of the immersive array: the implants are never switched off, which essentially means someone could always be watching you. That is absolutely horrifying!

◆ Human 2.0

The Brookstein Institute is a clandestine operation turning innocent people into super-human killing machines. They are provided with a regular supply of experimental subjects by body sharks; they kidnap people from the Undercity and sell them to the Institute. The Psycho Morph was one of their experiments gone wrong: it developed psychopathic tendencies and escaped from their high-security facility.

Van Meyer has been secretly funding the Brookstein Institute and taking a vested interest in their work. He believes that the super-humans could be used as the ultimate law enforcement officers. Naturally, they would be under the exclusive control of Crime Corps: it would certainly give them one hell of a business advantage! Cops faster, stronger, and more able to withstand pain than the competition. “Human 2.0” is the title given to the experimental subjects, the boffins at the Institute clearly viewing them as the next stage of human evolution.

◆ Sound Design

Van Meyer has invited his most wealthy friends and business associates to take part in his immersive cinema experience; to view the world through the eyes of his own tame assassin. Scenes of daring action are promised, and the sound design certainly delivers that.

A prison transport gets rammed off the road in a fury of screeching tyres and shattering glass, before the back doors are wrenched open by two unknown assailants.

◆ Conclusion

“Recordings of Vienna’s previous missions are available.”

Imagine being able to see the world through someone else’s eyes, and then marketing it as the latest innovation in immersive cinema. It would likely be reserved for the disgustingly rich, but they would pay handsomely to experience the thrill of being an influential politician, a pop star, or even an assassin…

I haven’t got a particularly exciting life – most of my time nowadays is spent rewatching episodes of Helluva Boss, or writing reviews – but the thought of someone watching my every move for entertainment horrifies me. It’s the ultimate breach of privacy, but some shady politicians would quite happily utilise a system like this to watch over the general public. Jonathan Morris deserves kudos for tapping into such a disturbing idea.

Crime Corps have been a dominating presence throughout this series, but their managing director has finally decided to show himself. A profiteering capitalist, who manipulated Vienna into joining his organisation, it doesn’t take long for you to realise that Van Meyer is a vile human being; an incredibly sleazy one too, based on some of the comments he makes about our resident assassin. It’s almost a shame that he gets killed off, because Nigel Carrington was excellent in the role.

‘The Vienna Experience’ then: an episode that featured a truly horrifying concept, alongside some spectacular performances. Whilst I still believe that the first series was stronger overall, this was a fantastic finale.

Vienna

#2.02. Underworld ~ 4/10

◆ An Introduction

A Sherlock is nothing without his Watson: someone who complements a detective’s natural skills, counterbalances their fatal flaws, and isn’t afraid to call them out when they cross a line.

Patrons of a restaurant have turned violent; baying for the blood of a small time criminal, who was previously star-witness in a case against a local mob family. Detective Guy Wilkes lost his life during the case, and his partner’s life changed forever.

Lieutenant Reagan now finds herself paired up with Crime Corps latest security consultant: the impossibly glamorous Vienna Salvatori. Unfortunately, they’re about to uncover a conspiracy surrounding the supposedly deceased Wilkes…

◆ Publisher’s Summary

Something bad is lurking down in the Undercity. Innocent citizens are turning on each other, baying for blood. Vienna must team up with jaded cop Lieutenant Jexie Reagan.

She’s never had a partner – but will either of them make it through the night alive?

◆ Vienna Salvatori

Our faithful bounty hunter spends this episode spouting reams of exposition, and almost all of it is devoid of personality! I never want to appear like I’ve got a vendetta against a writer, but everything I’ve heard from Cavan Scott lately has been underwhelming, and this is no different. Vienna has always been one of the most charismatic characters in the BigFinish roster: if you manage to make her boring, then something is seriously wrong.

Aside from a scene where she goes on a rampage with a chainsaw, Chase Masterson sounded bored throughout ‘Underworld’. This range has never been lacking in excitement, so I’m really disappointed that we’ve finally reached a dud.

Since they’re working together, Jexie can call her Vienna; she wont get killed for it.

◆ Jexie Reagan

‘Underworld’ spends its runtime establishing a backstory for our new sidekick, but immediately starts ripping it to shreds by showing that her dead former partner has actually been alive and well in the Undercity. Jexie then discovers that said former partner was a crooked cop: getting over that betrayal could’ve been used as a key element of the character, but Scott doesn’t seem interested in having us empathise with her. Put simply, I cannot bring myself to care about Jexie, because she currently has no personality.

I was pleased as punch to discover that Sam Béart became a main member of the ‘Vienna’ cast from this episode onwards, but was incredibly let down when I heard THAT accent: she manages to sound like every New Yorker stereotype melded into one! Deeply disappointed, because I know what this amazing actress is capable of, having heard her performances as Orr in the Torchwood audio adventures.

◆ Thin Blue Line

‘Ashes to Ashes’ is one of my favourite shows, so it would be fair to say that I’m partial to the odd police procedural. One of the reasons that show works is the dynamic between the two regulars: Alex is constantly butting heads with Gene, because she tries to be logical, whilst he charges in like a bull in a china shop. They develop a great rapport over the course of three series, that blossoms into a beautiful friendship by the final episode. Even when the human embodiment of Satan tries to tear them apart – that seriously happens, just look up DCI Jim Keats – they bounce back stronger than before.

The dynamic between our two regulars in ‘Underworld’ is very different. I genuinely don’t feel a connection between Vienna and Jexie; it would be like if two complete strangers got trapped in a lift with each other. They’ve got nothing in common, which generates an excruciatingly awkward atmosphere.

I’m sure you’re all expecting me to discuss the plot of this episode now, but it’s basically just your generic “bent copper” storyline, so why should I actually bother?

◆ Sound Design

It’s common knowledge that the wealthy build their cities on the backs of the poor, so I had hoped that Nigel Fairs would provide a vivid cyberpunk soundscape for the Undercity. I really shouldn’t have got my hopes up.

I fully expected to be immersed in a warren of squalid alleyways; somewhere the criminal classes cause unabated chaos, and ordinary people will do anything just to survive. Unfortunately, the sound design for this episode is painfully generic.

◆ Music

A previous reviewer has already mentioned the obnoxious bass drum which routinely interrupts the episode: it sounds like it was played through a megaphone at times, easily drowning out the dialogue.

I would say the atrocious mixing is what ruined the score for me, but it was honestly just bland! I’m really starting to miss those grandiose musical numbers Howard Carter did for the first series.

◆ Conclusion

“Lieutenant, I’m standing in a cupboard!”

A police procedural with a wafer thin plot, concerning police corruption in a seedy part of town. I don’t think anybody will be surprised if I said Cavan Scott had delivered the first major dud in this range.

I suppose you could argue that the whole purpose of this episode was to expand on the relationship between Vienna and her new partner, but it failed at that too. Jexie is severely lacking a personality, and Béart decided to make her into every possible New Yorker stereotype: I half expected to hear her shout “Hey! I’m walkin’ here!”

I can only praise ‘Underworld’ for one thing: it allowed me to speak about my favourite police procedural.

Vienna

#2.01. Tabula Rasa ~ 9/10

◆ An Introduction

Hotels can be disorientating; an endless network of samey corridors, which make you feel like you’re traversing a well-decorated ant’s nest! You might occasionally see a member of housekeeping tidying up a room, maybes even other guests in the same predicament you are, but the corridors are often as silent as the grave.

I went to a spa hotel with my ex-boyfriend and quickly lost my bearings… but that might have something to do with the fact that I was severely dehydrated from the sauna, and had just thrown up all over the restaurant!

Our resident bounty hunter is trapped amongst those disorientating corridors, but there are bigger problems. None of the guests can recall why they booked in, nor can they remember their own names. Deaths are occurring across this hotel and nobody knows who’s responsible… not even the killer!

◆ Publisher’s Summary

Ever woken up and can't remember where you are? What if you couldn’t remember who you are? Or why there’s a dead body outside your door?

Vienna Salvatori is hunting for a killer – but can she be sure it’s not herself?

◆ Vienna Salvatori

James Goss makes this an excellent jumping on point for new listeners, because our resident bounty hunter spends most of the runtime suffering from memory loss. Vienna has woken up in a hotel surrounded by amnesiacs, but that wont stop her trying to discover why corpses are appearing in the corridors.

Chase Masterson puts on an excellent show in ‘Tabula Rasa’. Herself and Harry Ditson get some fab scenes where their characters are bickering with each other; trying to figure out whether they’re a married couple, or just some catty one-night stand! There’s clearly a lot of chemistry between these performers, which makes me sad that Ditson’s character is a one-and-done.

Vienna doesn’t like the idea that she could’ve woken up next to a lunatic. It would also mean she had terrible taste in men; overweight and mad. Even if she’s lost her mind, she would like to think she kept her standards up. She’s never cared for cops. Vienna thinks personality hotels are only used by idiots: if you don’t like your life, fix it. Don’t run away from it. If you wanna be a film star, work hard and be a film star. Don’t spend a week running round in a false personality; it’s not gonna make yourself feel better about it. Vienna Salvatori may not have money or power, but she has one big thing going for her: she always wins! She used to kill people for a living. Vienna plans ahead: it’s how she always wins.

◆ Personality Transplant

‘Tabula Rasa’ introduces us to the interesting concept of a personality hotel; somewhere you could go for a full personality reset. Guests tended to choose the personalities of someone rich and important as a break from their mundane lives, but that wasn’t always the case. You have guests like Mr Anders: the CEO of some multi-million business venture looking for a “personality downgrade” to escape the pressures that come with their job.

Personality hotels were also used for more tragic reasons. It’s revealed in a flashback that, when Police Chief Curtis discovered that his wife was terminally ill, they both booked into a personality hotel to pretend that everything was normal: that was the last happy week of their lives.

I’m fully aware that the concept is horrifically amoral, but I guarantee a good percentage of you reading this would book yourselves into a personality hotel. I would request an optimistic personality from somebody who is calm and collected. That’s basically my polar opposite since I’m a total pessimist, riddled with anxiety, and my temper detonates faster than the R101 above some French fields!

Personality manipulation has been touched upon in the wider world of Who before – see my review of ‘ID’ by Eddie Robson – but never as well-realised as this. Memory editing seems to be a common theme in this range, and I think Goss has taken it in a rather interesting direction.

◆ Sound Design

Series One featured a lot of cinematic set-pieces; a spaceship falling towards a burning star, alien lobsters exploding after being depressurised, and the arena style setting of its finale. Each soundscape was expertly crafted like a Hollywood blockbuster. Howard Carter was perfectly suited to the overall vibe of that box set.

Series Two is a very different beast. The grandiose set-pieces have been ditched in favour of dialogue heavy scenes, featuring a lot of world-building and character development. In terms of scale, this run of episodes feels less Star Wars and more Judge Dredd.

Most of the scenes in ‘Tabula Rasa’ take place inside of the personality hotel, allowing Nigel Fairs to create quite the claustrophobic atmosphere; muffled sobs can be heard from amnesiac guests, and any one of them could be the killer!

◆ Conclusion

“I don’t believe it. You’ve just escaped from a locked room with a teaspoon!”

Vienna has to interrogate an entire hotel full of amnesiacs, before one of them remembers they’re a shape-shifting killer. Unfortunately, the AI Concierge has also wiped her memories!

Personality hotels are an excellent concept, which any writer could easily get a lot of mileage out of. You essentially get to become someone else whilst booked into the hotel; whether that be someone rich and famous, or a walking doormat bus boy, is entirely down to your preference.

Husk would definitely book into a personality hotel; hoping to relive the days when he was an Overlord of Hell, before losing his power and soul to the dreaded Radio Demon. Sorry, been watching far too much Hazbin Hotel…

It’s been nearly twenty-four months since I last reviewed anything from this range, but what a spectacular way to reintroduce myself to the galaxy’s most glamorous assassin… or should I say police officer? Don’t worry, the reasons why Vienna switched professions will become clear as Series Two progresses.

Doctor Who – The Fifth Doctor Box Set

#1.02. Iterations of I ~ 10/10

◆ An Introduction

Christopher Bidmead was the outgoing script editor when Season 19 was airing, meaning he commissioned most of the stories we saw. His era was characterised by hard-hitting science and dramatic storytelling, so I wonder how he would’ve coped with a haunted house adventure.

A missing cult, an empty house full of computers, and one unimaginable foe…

◆ Publisher’s Summary

The house on Fleming's Island had been left to rot. Ever since a strange and unexplained death soon after it was built, and plagued with troubling rumours about what lurked there, it remained empty and ignored for decades until the Cult moved in. As twenty people filled its many rooms, the eerie building seemed to be getting a new lease of life.

But now it is empty again. The cult found something in its corridors... and then vanished.

Trapped on the island one dark night, the Doctor, Tegan, Nyssa and Adric look into the building's mysteries, its stories of madness and death. Their only chance is to understand what terrible thing has been disturbed here... before it consumes them utterly.

◆ The Fifth Doctor

Since when did this incarnation get so sarcastic and playful? This TARDIS crew are undoubtedly known for their cattiness, but John Dorney manages to make it seem more like banter between unlikely friends. I think his take on the Fifth Doctor is excellent, especially when he takes control of the situation on Fleming’s Island.

One of the easiest ways to identify a good script is to look at the acting. If the immaculate performance Peter Davison delivered is anything to go by, then ‘Iterations of I’ ranks up there as one of the greats.

The Doctor might not know what he’s doing, but he doesn’t know what he’s doing from a position of knowledge, according to Tegan. He’s finally gotten round to reading Cranleigh’s book – Black Orchid – so will likely be in the library for hours. It’s always best adopting an optimistic approach to life, he finds: a positive attitude works wonders! Tegan believes that it never ends well when he gets curious. She also claims that even the Doctor wouldn’t bring them to a haunted house… before immediately backtracking, because that’s exactly the sort of thing he would do! The Doctor believes it can be worth paying attention to superstition, as sometimes it’s based on truth; it’s all well and good being rigid and rational, but you only need to be wrong once, and there’ll be nothing to help when the ghosts come out to play! He thinks you should never dismiss the imagination: it’s one of the greatest tools we have. He doesn’t think demons exist, at least, not in the form DeValley thinks. The more he sees here, the less convinced he is of any supernatural explanation for what’s going on.

◆ Adric

A derelict mansion that’s being haunted by a sentient number. An excellent premise, especially considering one of the companions is a mathematical prodigy. I was actually surprised how involved Adric got with the action: he took a shotgun shell to the leg, mere minutes before leaping out of a helicopter!

‘Iterations of I’ features an excellent performance from Matthew Waterhouse.

Adric thinks it’s perfectly safe for him to be flying the TARDIS, because he’s flown it before and it was fine. He states that everything in this world has an explanation: we shouldn’t be frightened of something just because we haven’t worked out what that explanation is. Adric is an Alzarian, and they heal much quicker than humans; his constitution means that he can recover from a shotgun blast to the leg in mere minutes, before jumping out of a helicopter like it’s nothing!

◆ Nyssa

Nyssa has always been a rational thinker, so it’s actually quite frightening that the i can leave her a trembling mess who is questioning the existence of ghosts. She gets some great material in this adventure.

Sarah Sutton delivers her a-game in ‘Iterations of I’.

The moment Nyssa walked through the door of Fleming’s Mansion, it was like her brain was filled with numbers and voices for a fraction of a second, then they were gone. She is unusually sensitive to certain telepathic frequencies; something must have left residual psychic echoes in the air, causing her to collapse. Aoife is angry, and Nyssa can understand why: she lost her father too, he was taken from her by someone who might as well have been a demon. It destroyed her, ripped out her heart, but she had to get over it and let it go. You never forget the pain, but you get better, in time. Believe her, revenge doesn’t help.

◆ Tegan Jovanka

Several adventures have clearly taken place between ‘Psychodrome’ and this outing, because Tegan doesn’t want to go back to Heathrow anymore: she’s finally assimilated into the team, and what an asset she is to them. I love how she takes on the elder sister role with Nyssa, showing that she really cares about her fellow travellers. Some exquisite material from Dorney.

Janet Fielding is going to be at EM Con at the beginning of next month, and I’m considering getting my copy of this adventure signed. She delivered a fantastic performance in ‘Iterations of I’.

Tegan has flown the TARDIS before and it wasn’t fine. It’s a time machine, piloting it isn’t like learning to drive her uncle’s tractor; they crash it, and there’s worse things to worry about than a short fall and a face full of cow pat! Never let the passengers fly the plane: that’s rule number one. Tegan has learnt to leave well enough alone; she doesn’t want to go back to Heathrow anyway, she’s over that now. In her experience, listening to the Doctor is usually the safest option. Tegan hasn’t kept up with the Doctor since he had curly hair and a scarf! One of these days, she hopes they meet killer wallabies, so someone else can be out of their depth for a change.

◆ Story Recap

In August 1981, several students had been offered research posts on Fleming’s Island by a mysterious cult: it was their belief that God was actually an impossibly long number. They needed a mathematician to identify the number – hence why they hired Imogen Frazer. Once they were sure, they could then speak to God and change the world!

Imogen never came home. Four months later, her boyfriend travels to Ireland and reports her disappearance to the Garda. DeValley, the local constable, offers to accompany him to her last known location… knowing that Fleming’s Island is reputed to be a place of evil.

Around the same time, the TARDIS materialises on the island… and almost immediately falls into the sea. The Doctor and his friends begin searching the nearby mansion for assistance, but walk straight into trouble: DeValley and his shotgun toting search party!

Something strange is happening on Fleming’s Island: all the cultists seem to have vanished without a trace, their belongings have been untouched since the Summer. Could they have really found God in the numbers? Or have they unleashed something far more terrifying?

◆ The Square Root of Negative One

The i were a species that existed on a plain of existence tangentially connected to N-Space. Described as being analogous to a sentient number – i being representative of the square root of negative one – the true nature of the i was virtually incomprehensible to both humans and Time Lords.

It was accidentally captured by the cult on Fleming’s Island: this attracted the i Predator to the area – another sentient number – which hunted down and slaughtered all the cultists.

BigFinish have previously dabbled with sentient words – ‘...ish’ introduced us to the longest word in existence, which had a sentient affix that consumed words like they were food – so why not sentient numbers? John Dorney has happened upon a really interesting concept here.

◆ Sound Design

Fool Circle have leaned into the haunted house vibes for this adventure. Fleming’s Island has been isolated by a thunderstorm; inside the mansion, whispering voices follow our protagonists through the corridors. The sound design is gorgeously atmospheric.

Computers print out endless streams of data for cult researchers to analyse. Martin’s voice begins to distort and crackle, as the i Predator murders him. Squawking seagulls off the Irish coast are accompanied by waves lapping against Fleming’s Island. The TARDIS materialises on top of a cliff… which rapidly crumbles into the sea! A storm breaks out on the island; rumbling thunder, snapping lightning, and it’s raining cats and dogs. Whispering voices can be heard throughout the mansion, as the i make their presence known. The whirring of a generator; fluorescent lights flicking on throughout the mansion as power is restored. All the computers within Fleming’s Mansion explode with tremendous force, flinging bricks and mortar across the island. Constable DeValley tries to make a swift exit in his helicopter – the blades whirring through the sky – before the i Predator attacks it, causing it to come crashing down.

◆ Music

Episode one is a masterclass in how to build atmosphere, but it would appear that Fool Circle have taken inspiration from the Moffat era when creating their score.

Off-key notes have been peppered throughout, reminiscent of Murray Gold’s score for ‘The Doctor’s Wife’, yet they have been seamlessly melded with synthesisers faithful to that Season 19 period. Some genuinely stunning work.

◆ Conclusion

“I think our number might very well be up…”

In August 1981, several students had been offered research posts on Fleming’s Island by a mysterious cult: it was their belief that God was actually an impossibly long number. They needed a mathematician to identify the number – hence why they hired Imogen Frazer… but she never returned home. Why have all the cultists vanished without a trace? Could they have really found God in the numbers? Or have they unleashed something far more terrifying?

John Dorney could’ve easily written a bog-standard haunted house adventure, but the inclusion of a mathematical foe cements this firmly within the Bidmead era. These creatures are so abstract that their true nature cannot be comprehended by humans or Time Lords, which makes the i – and the Predator that hunts them – all the more fascinating. BigFinish have dabbled with sentient words before, so why not sentient numbers?

Peter Davison was easily the stand-out performer in this adventure: you can tell he absolutely adores working with his original roster of companions. Speaking of which, they were all on top form as well.

‘Iterations of I’ puts the creativity back into haunted house stories, and I would happily call it one of the best Fifth Doctor audio adventures out there. John Dorney once more proving why BigFinish hold him in such high regard; magnificent work!

Doctor Who – The Fifth Doctor Box Set

#1.01. Psychodrome ~ 9/10

◆ An Introduction

I still remember the days when BigFinish box sets were reserved for special occasions, not counting McGann’s factory of releases. The Fifth Doctor had been coasting along nicely, with a handful of sublime monthly adventures – stories such as ‘The Emerald Tiger’ and ‘The Kingmaker’ – but something was missing…

I still remember the days when BigFinish box sets were reserved for special occasions, and there is nothing more special than reuniting the Season 19 TARDIS team!

◆ Publisher’s Summary

Shortly after surviving the perils of Logopolis, Castrovalva and the machinations of the Master, the new Doctor and his new crew could be forgiven for wanting to take a breather from their tour of the galaxy. But when the TARDIS lands in a strange and unsettling environment, the urge to explore is irresistible... and trouble is only a few steps away.

The world they have found themselves in is populated by a wide variety of the strangest people imaginable – a crashed spacecraft here, a monastery there, even a regal court. And not everyone they meet has their best interests at heart.

With the TARDIS stolen, and the very environment itself out to get them, the travellers face an extremely personal threat. They'll have to work as a team if they want to get out alive... but can you really trust someone you barely know?

◆ The Fifth Doctor

I often hear the Fifth Doctor being described as nothing more than a wet weekend, which is frankly unfair. He remains the most morally righteous incarnation to this day; someone who holds a keen interest in science and exploration, but who always has time for his love of cricket. The show never gave us an opportunity to become properly acquainted with him, because almost every episode featured his companions arguing like spoilt brats! ‘Psychodrome’ – an adventure which is supposed to take place directly after his debut outing – more than gives us that opportunity. Jonathan Morris remains one of my favourite writers for this incarnation, and for good reason too.

I think the prospect of being reunited with his original TARDIS team must have been quite invigorating, because Peter Davison delivers one cracking performance in this adventure.

The Doctor isn’t the man he used to be, but he feels sure he has many admirable qualities that will more than compensate. He has a feeling that curiosity will be one of his defining characteristics. According to Adric, controlling the TARDIS isn’t his forte. The Doctor is scared of all sorts of things; Daleks, Cybermen… dentists! His greatest fear is that his companions lose faith in him, that those closest to him reject him. Adric believed his previous incarnation was unpredictable, to say the least; quite intimidating and enigmatic, but brilliant! That was when he was with Romana: they even had a robot dog called K9. The Doctor has always feared letting his companions down, it’s given him something to live up to. But he has brought death into their lives, he has caused them suffering, and they’re not the first; the latest in a long line. Many of his best friends have been stowaways: he takes it as a sign of enthusiasm.

◆ Adric

A mathematical genius who stowed away in the TARDIS, and was instantly considered annoying by at least seventy percent of the fanbase! Adric has always been something of a marmite character, but BigFinish have given him some amazing scripts ever since they added him to their roster. Jonathan Morris was the one tasked with bringing him back into the fold, with what can easily be described as a character study of the Season 19 TARDIS team. He receives some excellent material here.

Matthew Waterhouse was offered a role in the BigFinish audios shortly after they started, but turned down offers for many years. This was not due to a resentment of the company, but rather a belief that he couldn’t capture the youthful essence of the fifteen year old Adric at his age. Only after recording some Target audio books did he change his mind, and agree to reprise his role in this very box set: definitely a special occasion then! Waterhouse does sound older – of course he would – but he genuinely gave his all in ‘Psychodrome’, which you have to give him credit for. It was a brilliant performance.

Adric is described as being insufferable and patronising by Tegan, who also can’t forget that he created Castrovalva! He believes that the colonists’ society, which is based around rational scientific principles, sounds positively idyllic; though this doesn’t stop him suggesting that Zaria rebel against it. He is capable of many things, but not coercion. Adric’s greatest fear is one of failing; he genuinely believes he wont be good for anything if he can’t solve an equation, can’t save his friends. He stowed away aboard the TARDIS because he wanted to see a whole new universe, and he did. Adric still believes in the Doctor: he doesn’t resent him, and he knows that he’s saved whole planets! He has never for a moment regretted meeting the Doctor, and he never will. The Doctor will not abandon him, nor will Adric abandon the Doctor: he will stay with him no matter what, even if it means sacrificing his own life, because the Doctor is good!

◆ Nyssa

Having recently witnessed the genocide of her people, brought about by someone walking around in her father’s body, it would be fair to say that Nyssa has been through an awful lot in an incredibly short span of time. ‘Psychodrome’ does an excellent job at unpacking some of this recent trauma, whilst also demonstrating how she really feels about her fellow travellers.

I actually had the pleasure of meeting Sarah Sutton a couple of years back – Newcastle Unleashed 2022, to be exact – and she was one of the most down to Earth people you could ever encounter. Her performance in this adventure was immaculate.

Nyssa doesn’t think she has really taken it in yet – the destruction of Traken and the genocide of her people – but unlike Tegan, she has nowhere to go and nowhere to return to. Travelling with the Doctor is her life now. When asked what her world was like, Nyssa claims that Traken was the most advanced planet in the Union, but with the most ancient traditions: it was civilised, prosperous, and utterly peaceful… before the Master came! Nyssa was taught not to feel hatred for evil, only pity.

◆ Tegan Jovanka

Tegan is someone who really benefited from the audio adventures. They managed to make her into a fully developed character, whilst keeping all her defining traits intact: if you lost that wonderfully acerbic wit, then she would just be any other generic companion, and that just wouldn’t do! Jonathan Morris has given her some brilliant material in ‘Psychodrome’.

Janet Fielding is going to be one of the many Who-related guests appearing at Em Con, and I am very much looking forward to meeting her. She delivered an excellent performance in this adventure.

It’s only been two days since her Aunt Vanessa died, so she hasn’t had a chance to take it in. When she was small, her family lived on a cattle station, which was about as far away from civilisation as you could get. Upon discovering they could’ve landed anywhere in time and space, Tegan is far from impressed: she doesn’t remember signing up for a magical mystery tour, but they might as well see what this place has to say for itself. The Psychodrome is bringing it all back: when Tegan was a little girl, about seven or eight, her mum took her to see the Aboriginal cave paintings in Arnhem Land; her idea of a fun kids day out, but then they got there and had an argument – she can’t remember what about – and she ran off into the caves on her own. She was probably only there five minutes, but it felt like hours; lost in the dark with these paintings of crocodiles, snakes, and insects. Her mum eventually found her, after she’d screamed the place down! Then later that day – or another day, but she remembers it being that day – her mum took her to see a corroboree: a traditional Aboriginal dance which they put on for the tourists. By that time it had gotten dark, so they were all gathered round a campfire when these men appeared out of the night, their faces and bodies covered in chalk paint: they looked like skeletons, and the dance was more like they were transforming into wild animals – shaking, and making these strange noises. It was the most terrifying thing she had ever seen. For years afterwards, she had a recurring nightmare about that day; of being back in those caves, lost and afraid, with these strange white figures coming out of the dark. All Tegan ever wanted was a quiet life, prompting Adric to ask why she became an air stewardess; she wanted to travel and see the rest of her planet… just one planet, not half the galaxy! Her life has been turned upside down since she joined the TARDIS: she doesn’t even know what day of the week it is anymore. Tegan may regard the Doctor as an incompetent idiot, but her crew-mates think she is an irrational cynic!

◆ Story Recap

Shortly after escaping Castrovalva, the TARDIS arrives in a cave system, and our travellers soon become separated form each other. Whilst Nyssa and Tegan encounter an eccentric galactic adventurer and his companions, the Doctor and Adric are rescued from a group of natives by the occupants of a crashed colony ship. So many different societies in such a small area… can hardly be a coincidence, can it?

◆ The Travelling Misfits

A common complaint with Season 19 is that the TARDIS crew were all pretty catty with each other, which is understandable; the Doctor has just regenerated and is still trying to find his feet, Adric has been used as a puppet by the Master, Tegan saw her aunt murdered two days ago, and Nyssa was recently witness to the genocide of her entire civilisation! Two of them have went through a traumatic ordeal, whilst the other two are grieving. It’s not at all surprising that they’re so spiky with each other.

On top of all that, none of these people really know each other: you could argue that Adric and the Doctor have a rapport, but the latter is an entirely different man now. What this bunch of misfits really needed was an episode that took a deep dive into their characters, something to really unify them… and Jonathan Morris does exactly that.

◆ Monsters of the Id

‘Psychodrome’ is based entirely within the eponymous space station, which basically turns the memories, desires and fears of its occupants into a reality: all the characters in this adventure are based on the TARDIS crew’s perceptions of each other, which is an ingenious idea!

The team of gormless galactic adventurers are based on how Tegan sees her newfound travelling companions; Professor Rickett is based on the Doctor, Magpie on Adric, and Perditia on Nyssa. Within this group, you can really see the distorted personalities of our protagonists. The same can be said of the crashed human colonists, who are all based upon Adric’s perceptions. Take Zaria, for instance: uptight and serious, clearly based on how he sees Nyssa.

The core idea of this adventure is beautifully creative, and allows Jonathan Morris to flesh out the TARDIS crew by having them confront how they feel about each other; Adric is conflicted over the new Doctor, while Nyssa and Tegan both harbour resentment towards him over the deaths of a loved one – Tremas and the latter’s Aunt Vanessa.

The antagonists of ‘Psychodrome’ exploit these doubts, and quite literally force our heroes into facing their fears. We really needed this kind of adventure during the TV series.

◆ Sound Design

The eponymous Psychodrome has an air of the Crystal Maze about it: with various different landscapes, like the downed colony ship and the dwellings of King Magus, simply slotted into a mundane cave system. Fool Circle have done a terrific job with this soundscape.

Stones crunching under foot; calcified equipment crumbling at the slightest touch. An energy weapon is fired at a group of primitive cave dwellers. A firefight breaks out between the natives and Prof. Rickett’s group; swords are swung and pistols fired. The colony ship is filled with bleeping instruments. The royal fanfare of King Magus is accompanied by the clanking metal of knight’s attire. The Citadel collapses in on itself, as the TARDIS crew deny their doubts.

◆ Music

Something that Fool Circle have always been good at is conjuring the spirit of an era, and their score for ‘Psychodrome’ sounds like something straight out of Season 19. It’s like a beautiful slice of nostalgia pie!

One track from this adventure, titled Entropy, also manages to be reminiscent of the Portal 2 soundtrack: there is an extended mix of the track available on their SoundCloud, and I highly recommend giving it a listen. Easily one of my favourite composers.

◆ Conclusion

“You’ve all faced your fears, it’s time I faced mine…”

The TARDIS arrives in a cave-system, populated by people modelled on the crew’s perceptions of each other. None of the crew really know each other: you could argue that Adric and the Doctor have a rapport, but the latter is an entirely different man now. These monsters of the id will force them to confront how they feel about each other, and they’ll hopefully come out the other side stronger.

Jonathan Morris has given the Season 19 TARDIS crew some much needed depth, by exposing them all to their greatest fears. It does veer into ‘Castrovalva’ territory on occasion, but the performances and atmosphere in this adventure are far superior.

‘Psychodrome’ is a character study masquerading as an adventurous romp, yet it succeeds at both gloriously. I can highly recommend this story: one listen, and you’ll realise why this box set is held in such high regard.

Doctor Who – The Monthly Adventures

#208. The Waters of Amsterdam ~ 8/10

◆ An Introduction

Amsterdam is home to so much culture: seventy-five museums, fifty-five concert halls, and a plethora of art galleries. Its appearance in the Command & Conquer series also caused me a great deal of stress when I was younger. The final Imperial mission took place there, and the opposing factions were just relentless in their attacks!

Athena Cannons are raining orbital death on your base from the beginning, whilst the Allies wait for two Proton Colliders to fully charge up. If you don’t manage to destroy said super-weapons, just restart the mission. If that wasn’t enough to be dealing with, the Soviets turn up about halfway through the battle, and they’re armed to the hilt with Apocalypse Tanks!

Following their ordeal with a murderous lunatic from the realm of anti-matter, the Doctor and Nyssa have been reunited with Tegan. It isn’t long before her ex-boyfriend shows up… which leads to an encounter with water goblins, a renowned Dutch artist, and the creation of an alternate timeline. Oh, and did I mention that said ex-boyfriend happens to be an android?

◆ Publisher’s Summary

Reunited with the Doctor and Nyssa, Tegan joins them on a trip to Amsterdam's Rijkmuseum to see a new exhibition of the work of Rembrandt van Rijn, featuring his drawings of “Vessels of the Stars”. The Doctor is astonished to discover that they are designs for spaceships that would actually work, and decides to pop back to the Dutch Golden Age for a quiet word with Rembrandt – but the world-weary artist is no mood to help.

Meanwhile, strange forces are swirling in the canals, creatures from ancient myth, the watery, goblin-like Nix. What is their connection to the mysterious Countess Mach-Teldak – and to the events of Tegan’s life during her year away from the Doctor?

◆ The Fifth Doctor

I’m delighted that I chose to jump back into the audios with such an enjoyable little romp. Peter Davison sounds enthusiastic and full of energy throughout.

The Doctor hasn’t met Rembrandt yet. Though living a non-linear life, one can’t be entirely sure. He gets mistaken for a tour guide in the Rijksmuseum, and ends up rattling off facts about artists from the Dutch Golden Age like a Wikipedia article!

◆ Nyssa

Nyssa gets sidelined in ‘The Waters of Amsterdam’. This would usually bother me, but the character recently had a fifteen part story arc dedicated to her, so I can let it slide. Sarah Sutton still delivers a great performance.

Nyssa attempts to console a world-weary Rembrandt by telling him that his work would be highly valued and regarded in the future… but that doesn’t really help the artist now, doesn’t help with his ever mounting debts.

◆ Tegan Jovanka

Janet Fielding is afforded some excellent material in ‘The Waters of Amsterdam’. She even gets given a robot ex-boyfriend to deal with, but more on that later.

In the last twenty-four hours Tegan has seen her cousin turned into a zombie, been held hostage by an alien with a henchman which looked suspiciously like a plucked chicken, been on a wild goose chase through Amsterdam, and had her ex-boyfriend turn up out of the blue. Tegan admits that she probably wasn’t cut out to be an air stewardess; being polite to complete idiots is not really her strong point. She doesn’t dance, though she does a mean Charleston.

◆ Robot Ex

BigFinish are extremely well-known for making sure every gap in the established continuity is filled, like a plumber who got a little carried away using the expanding foam! ‘The Waters of Amsterdam’ is no exception, taking place directly after Omega’s expulsion back to his own universe at the end of ‘Arc of Infinity’. This works in Morris’s favour, allowing him to explore what Tegan actually got up to during the year she spent away from the Tardis – including getting sacked from her job as a trolley dolly, pursuing a relationship with someone who is absolutely loaded, and then kicking said boyfriend to the kerb when she realises that he’s completely lacking a backbone!

Kyle initially appears to be this fiercely attractive and charming young man, with a bank balance reaching into the millions! Managing director of his own import-export company, dealing in luxury cars, speedboats and yachts. His apartment also happened to be situated in one of the most prestigious neighbourhoods in Sydney, offering panoramic views of the bridge and the opera house. He almost appears too good to be true… and that’s because he is!

This slick entrepreneur was actually an android created by the Countess Mach-Teldak to scour the planet for other extra-terrestrial visitors. And since Tegan had picked up some harmless temporal particles whilst travelling in the Tardis, he found the perfect person to latch onto. Kyle’s whole reason for getting into a relationship with the mouth on legs herself was to gain access to the Tardis… and I’m honestly shocked that she didn’t deck him upon finding this out!

Considering what an interesting character he is, it surprises me that no writer has decided to bring back Kyle. BigFinish could definitely get some great storylines out of him.

◆ Thunder, Rain and Lightning. Danger, Water Rising.

If I were pressed to pinpoint the weakest aspect of ‘The Waters of Amsterdam’, then it would have to be the two main villains. The Nix were basically a race of goblin-like people that lived in the canals of Amsterdam, and looked almost identical to Perfect Chaos from Sonic Adventure! They lived as water-based molecules and behaved as such, meaning that they could be frozen or evaporated (hence why a fire extinguisher filled with carbon dioxide makes for a very effective weapon against them). My main issue with the Nix is that I cannot understand a word they’re saying. Instead of just adding on the water effects in post-production, the director got Robbie Stevens to sit in his booth gurgling water like his life depended on it. I’m sure that made the recording sessions incredibly fun – for everyone barn the cleaners – but it makes all of the lines absolutely incomprehensible!

As for the other main villain of this adventure, generic is the best way to describe her. The Countess is your bog-standard cackling villainess, who committed genocide against her own people and tried to blame it on the aforementioned gurgling goblins. When that lie disintegrated around her like a house of cards, she attempted to change the course of human history by getting Rembrandt to draw up spaceship blueprints because she wanted to annihilate the Nix. Her motivations are completely nonsensical and her actual plan just felt needlessly convoluted. I would expect these sort of issues from a rookie writer, not someone with a portfolio as extensive and vibrant as Jonny Morris’s.

◆ Sound Design

Trams rattle through the city as the people of Amsterdam go about their day… at least until the squelchy water monsters of death decide to gatecrash the Rijksmuseum! Martin Montague’s sound design for this release is marvellous.

The hustle and bustle of a Dutch café, and the ringing of bicycle bells as people ride along the banks of the canals. The humming of an aeroplane in flight, where Tegan gets into an argument with an arrogant businessman! Rain pouring down onto the roof of the Rijksmuseum, thunder crashing in the distance. The gurgling voices of the Nix are quite honestly rancid, like Daffy Duck with a mutated larynx! The hissing of a fire extinguisher as Kyle freezes one of the Nix. Muskets are fired at the Nix, as they attempt to access East India House.

◆ Music

Jamie Robertson is handling the score for ‘The Waters of Amsterdam’, and there is something incredibly jaunty about it. Especially during the first part of the adventure, where Tegan is basically recounting her time spent back on Terra Firma.

◆ Conclusion

“I doubt Tegan would be pleased to find out that her former boyfriend was an alien…”

Rembrandt has been drawing spaceship schematics thanks to a deranged alien countess who blew up her own race. Pursued by aliens who strongly resemble Perfect Chaos from Sonic Adventure, the Countess Mach-Teldak decides to alter the course of human history in order to blow the Nix’s world to kingdom come!

Jonathan Morris has long been revered as one of the greatest writers for Doctor Who, with his adventures consistently appearing on people’s “Top 10 Greatest Stories” lists. That might explain why it’s a real shock to the system when he creates anything less than perfect.

Whilst the adventure does tend to drag on a bit towards the end, and the villains have all the depth of a daytime talk show, I still managed to have a good time listening to ‘The Waters of Amsterdam’. It’s a fun little romp through the Venice of the North, but nothing more.

Doctor Who – The Monthly Adventures

#206. Shield of the Jötunn ~ 8/10

◆ An Introduction

It saddens me that most people tend to ignore the final seventy-five releases of this range, because there are some genuine hidden gems to be found. That’s part of the reason I decided to delve into the Constance Clarke stories, alongside the fact I could barely remember what happened in the majority of them!

The cover art for this release put me in mind of Sonic Adventure, because the antagonists bare a striking resemblance to that big watery beast, Perfect Chaos… but it’s not flooding that our dynamic duo will have to worry about.

Frost giants are rising within the state of Arizona, and the only force capable of defeating them are a clan of long-dead Viking warriors. We’re certainly in for an interesting ride!

◆ Publisher’s Summary

2029 AD. In the desert of Arizona, billionaire philanthropist Dr Hugo Macht is trying to save the world from climate change. But his great project to "scrub the sky clean" with nanoatomic machines grinds to an unexpected halt when his diggers break into something unexpected: a Viking burial barrow containing eight corpses, a mysterious shield, an even more mysterious inscription… and a yet more mysterious traveller in time and space, known only as the Doctor.

And that's not even the strangest part of Dr Macht's day. Soon, it'll begin to snow. Soon, the Doctor and his Girl Friday, Mrs Constance Clarke, will come face-to-face with an ancient horror in the blizzard. A Frost Giant, in need of a new body. In need of flesh…

◆ The Sixth Doctor

This incarnation is well known for being obnoxious and insulting, but many people forget that he can be incredibly sweet and caring too. That scene where he consoles Mrs Clarke about the future of humanity was genuinely heart-warming. He’s getting along with his new companion like a house on fire, and they’ve only had three stories together! Whenever a writer has only contributed one script it immediately sets off alarms in my head: my first thought is usually that their one-and-only adventure was so critically panned they never got asked back, but that clearly isn’t the case here. Ian Edginton captured the Sixth Doctor perfectly! I sincerely hope he’ll return one day.

Colin Baker absolutely nailed his performance in ‘Shield of the Jötunn’. His on-air chemistry with Michael J Shannon was incredible, making every scene between them just a delightful listen. If only Dr Macht had become a recurring presence throughout these adventures.

He reminds Constance of her Great Uncle Jasper; lived alone, rattling around in a huge tumbledown pile in the country. He’d spend his days talking to the dog and taking pot shots at rabbits through the breakfast room window. The Doctor claims that’s nothing like him: he abhors guns, and as for rabbits, no creature can be that cute without an ulterior motive! WREN Clarke and himself were hoping to find a restaurant, but appear to have gotten themselves sidetracked rather. He’s relieved to discover that the tumulus is part of some scientific endeavour. When he heard “Major”, he presumed with tedious inevitability that they were about to be locked up… lo and behold, that’s exactly what happens! The Doctor knows that the human race does love messing about with its environment, for better or worse. They’d shift the world on its axis if they thought it would make them more comfortable, hence the geo-engine. As terraforming machines go, it’s a modest effort: he’s seen some the size of moons! The Doctor has never been able to find the kitchen, ever. Why go traipsing round all those endless corridors when the finest eating establishments in all of time and space are right outside the TARDIS doors? He wanted to do something nice for Constance – cooking for her – but it backfired. The Doctor admits he may have misjudged Dr Macht, and this sparks a wonderful little friendship between the two of them. He finds, as in life, that good stuff is always harder to get at. Antique and anomalous has worked well for him! The Doctor has seen more suffering than Dr Macht could possibly imagine.

◆ Mrs. Constance Clarke

Ian Edginton has given our resident WREN some marvellous material. I particularly liked the scenes where her and the Professor chucked miniature napalm bombs at the Talessh!

Miranda Raison rounds off her first trilogy with a superb performance, and I simply cannot wait to discuss her next lot of adventures.

Constance remembers, at Bletchley, the Nazis once tried sending coded messages written in ancient Scandinavian script. The thing is, she didn’t work on that project, only now she’s picking out fragments of phrases on the deus runes. Hearing just how dire the climate situation has gotten by 2029 leaves Constance feeling pretty glum about the Second World War: good men and women gave their lives, and for what? So their heirs could poison the planet? Back in the old country, her governess would tell them never to use the word nice, but to find a more expressive alternative instead. But she likes nice; it’s small, it’s warm, and friendly. Dead is dead, there’s precious little consolation to be had from that! Constance just takes everything in her stride, because she’s known people go to war and never return, or return to homes bombed out in the Blitz. You can weep and wail, for all the good it’ll do you, or you can just get on with it. She’ll have you know that she’s not a deserter! Already the past seems like a long time ago, but she could go back there tomorrow, and she fully intends to, incidentally. There are certain things she has to do when she goes back, personal matters to be dealt with.

◆ Ghosts in the Machine

You might recall that I compared the antagonists of this adventure to Perfect Chaos, but their abilities make them actually quite horrifying. The Talessh make their presence known when one of them grabs Major Da Costa, picking his bones clean and using his flesh to build themselves a corporeal form!

The Talessh were unique, a techno-psionic race. They could psychically interact with machine intelligences: imagine thinking your instructions into a computer instead of typing them. That explains how they could interact so easily with the terraformer’s mainframe.

Their homeworld no longer exists. Its star collapsed in on itself around a thousand years ago. Their expedition to planet Earth was launched to save their world from that eventuality, intending to replace their star with our planet’s Sun.

◆ Sound Design

Some genuinely stunning imagery throughout this adventure, like a snowstorm carpeting the baking hot landscape of Arizona… hiding a terrifying creature within! It’s unfortunate that Martin Montague seems to have all but vanished from the audio adventures, because his soundscape here was rather impressive.

A squawking parrot deep within some forgotten room of the TARDIS. The ship comes to an emergency stop after colliding with a whopping great pulse of Artron energy; warning lights begin bleeping across the console. Whistling winds in the Arizona Desert, as someone rams a digger through the Viking tumulus… nearly crushing the Doctor under a mound of rubble! The blizzard descends on the geo-engine, while the Doctor and Constance crunch their way across frozen ground. Something howls from within the snowstorm, before reaching out and taking Major Da Costa; it proceeded to strip the flesh from his bones, then chucked his skeleton through the roof of a Portakabin! Encountering a keypad locked door, Bryce promptly rams a giant tractor through it. A crackling fire can be heard during Herger’s conversation with the Völva. Bryce has his bones picked clean in gruesome fashion. The voice of the Talessh is actually quite reminiscent of the Temperon, from way back in ‘The Sirens of Time’. Tornados start springing up all around the geo-engine as the Talessh engineers weave new bodies from the elements themselves. There is nothing more hilarious than Constance ramming a JCB digger through a crowd of Talessh: talk about making an entrance! A napalm bomb explodes… doing absolutely no damage to the Talessh. Viking warriors emerge onto the battlefield, standing twenty feet high and ready to decimate the Talessh!

◆ Music

From the moment this adventure opened with a dramatic piano motif, I knew Jamie Robertson was handling the score. I think the only reason I cottoned on so quickly is because I’m so used to hearing his work in the continuing adventures of Eight, Liv and Helen.

‘Shield of the Jötunn’ features a gloriously dynamic suite of music, which manages to balance these tender string motifs with punchy percussion when the action ramps up.

◆ Conclusion

“Welcome to the New Ice Age…”

Discovering that their star was unstable, the Talessh scoured the cosmos for a suitable replacement until one of their survey teams happened upon the Earth’s sun. They fully intended to steal it, but were seemingly defeated by a clan of Viking warriors. Several centuries later, a billionaire philanthropist has constructed a terraforming device where the warriors trapped these alien engineers… and it’s time for them to re-emerge!

Someone seriously needs to invite Ian Edginton back to create another script, because he infused this one with so much personality. There are some teething problems – a couple of minutes could be shaved off the runtime if the pacing was tightened up – but it’s generally an easy listen.

Our antagonists are wonderfully unique, possessing the ability to interact with machines through thought alone. Despite their rather goofy appearance on the cover artwork, they’re actually quite horrifying: within a matter of minutes they can pick the bones of any person clean, then use the discarded flesh to weave themselves new bodies!

Our TARDIS team are onto their third adventure together now, and they’re both working like a well-oiled machine. Their dynamic is fantastic, though they spend a lot of this adventure doing their own thing apart from each other. This actually works out incredibly well, because the Doctor is stuck with the resident comedy character… and their banter is hilarious!

I had an amazing time listening to ‘Shield of the Jötunn’, because it remembers that not every adventure has to be deeply character focused and dialogue heavy. Sometimes you just need a good old fashioned romp, one where the companion decides to ram an enormous digger through a crowd of space engineers that resemble Perfect Chaos! This story is just like a goofy old Labrador that you can’t help but adore.