Just so incredibly bad that each time I am reminded of its existence I have to be surprised it somehow has a generally favourable reputation. The absolute worst piece of fiction I have ever encountered in the Whoniverse, and I’ll be incredibly surprised and frankly delighted if another story manages to surpass it in its ridiculous idiotic edgyness, purely because such an achievement must be so out of this realm and beyond the acceptabilities of any script editor that was still alive in the year of our lord and saviour eighteen ninety one before the birth of Christ, that it must only be possibly made that way on purpose, because good god, is this, like, really bad.

It’s not only edgy in a way your theoretical fifteen year old nephew who has been bragging to his classmates about having watched a cheap slasher movie without his parents knowing might write a cooler version of his childhood favourite characters (they are unfazed by DEATH and they say DAMN and SHIT), but it wonderfully also reflects the generally expected writing capabilities of this theoretical nephew of yours, if your nephew had actually been their writing teacher and this script the homework that even he had to give a bad grade. Because man, it’s such a dumb story. It’s so stupid. Several scenes make me question if this wasn’t meant as a parody and everyone else just wildly misunderstood it.

Like what do you mean “it’s dark”? It’s dark in the sense that a guy explodes and we get the visual image of Colin Baker and Maggie Stables covered in blood? That’s not dark. ‘Dark’ is handling usually more taboo topics. ‘Dark’ is talking about horrors of war, touching on mental health issues or a story about inevitable evils that pop up from the societies that we create. ‘Dark’ is not exploding people. ‘Dark’ is not “Doctor, I am very strong, and I am going to kill you. I drink blood, by the way.” ‘Dark’ is not killing and hurting characters in your story for no rhyme or reason. That’s stupid. Then you’ve simply written a stupid story. Not a dark story. You’ve written meaningless nonsense. Things happening just because. To shock, to maybe evoke a feeling or two, and to leave the listener completely empty afterwards.

There’s so little cohesion to this thing. A plot so meandering that I couldn’t tell you what happens, because basically nothing happens, it’s impressive that it’s short as well. It’s just here to shove the characters into places where they can do their edgy scenes. I’ve finished listening! Hooray! Now, what was all that about? You tell me! Not only is the plot meaningless, I find the scenes actively unpleasant! Like what can I even do at that point? Me when I project the twilight, and then Nimrod and the Doctor kissed, that would have been a better story.

One star for actually being pretty well paced.

I don’t care that it’s maybe not even that good, doesn’t even really feel like a ‘Confessions’ story, and is very silly and vague for a Sherlock story. This is the most delightful crossover of our lifetimes. Who even needs deep character study on a tortured immortal mind when you have “And Sherlock? Merry Christmas”, said Dorian Gray? Ghosts of Christmas Peak.

So incredibly formulaic that it could be read as parody. It’s not even that bad, it’s just kinda boring. I know that’s a completely meaningless critique, but that’s how i feel about it. Interesting idea to make the monsters not just sympathetic, but actual life forms. Not just a swarm of beings, but giving them personalities. The Cuddlesome are vaguely Silurian in that way, as much as they can be. I like what they did with the Cuddlesome creator, and it’s actually a pretty dark and serious thingy thing compared to the rest of the story, you know it’s about trauma and mental health and how society molds children into being unhappy adults, and then it’s back to “Hey, you just like, totally killed me there dude!” (Which now that i write it down could work as a really sad moment where the limited programming of the Cuddlesome tries to convey a sense of what death is like a child, but it never really came over to me like that in the story itself.)

Oh euh some dialogue is pretty bad imo, very explanatory and unnatural way too often. But there’s also as many lines i think are genuinely funny, so that evens it out or something.

I think as a free story someone might’ve gotten, it’d be really fun. I can imagine finding it as one of if not your first Big Finish, or getting it with DWM back in the day, and that sounds like a very enjoyable experience. I think i would’ve liked this more earlier in my Big Finish journey instead of almost a year later. But it’s still enjoyable. Just, when you also have a hundred other things to listen to, this isn’t one I’d choose quickly.

Felt like the sound design was kinda very limited because of course, it’s a free release, but the songs slapped tbh. That We’re gonna change the world tune i really like. It’s gotten stuck in my head even.

Horribly camp in all the best ways possible. What many people seem to gloss over though, is that it’s not just camp. The TV Movie/The Enemy Within is often dismissed after the previous compliment, which I think is unfair. It’s absolutely an accurate observation in my opinion, but just because it’s full of cliche American Hollywood tropes doesn’t mean that it’s just that, and not also still really good Doctor Who.

Matthew Jacobs has a really poetic vision of the Doctor in my opinion, which I think can be seen best in the scene where he talks with Grace about her being a doctor. Paul McGann sells these types of moments extra well, and he was not only perfectly cast as Doctor Who (like every single actor has been) but also perfect for this vision of Jacobs. He’s like a fairytale figure, but not in the way that Matt Smith’s version is. Eight is less a magical hero, and more a mysterious being of age old wiseness and unhingedness. He takes a very passive role for a big chunk of the movie, and even as the main character, manages to come off as a wanderer who passes by.

Right i was talking about poeticisms. Eight literally picking up where Seven left off both as the main star of the franchise, and the book they are reading. That’s cool, I like that. The Doctor forgetting who he was being a perfect premise for a soft reboot without constraints of the past, but the story actively fighting against that, and embracing its history, not letting Doctor Who end up as an oddity that stumbles through America. Hey why not, f**k it. Look at this. We can see the Master and his American accent as a metaphor for the American entertainment market in general, trying to claim everything for themselves. Trying to claim that Doctor Who’s regenerations are actually his. Another body to be stolen by the Master. But not this time. Sometimes they might succeed, but not at getting the Doctor. No matter what he goes through, Doctor Who stays what they are. They hold onto the power and richness in who and what they are, and won’t let itself be taken only to be used up quickly and then thrown away to let the next one come in. Doctor Who isn’t that kind of TV show. He’s an alien. A really stubborn alien. Like an Englishman in New York. Or something like that.

There’s also parts to criticize about the movie, like for example, making the Doctor a romantic figure. But while it may feel out of place after the classic series, it could be as easily said that this part was actually far ahead of its time, considering what Russel T Davies would later do. It’s not something one could be more critical of then of the modern series. Neither am I of the opinion that such things as the Doctor being half human can be seen as genuine points of critique. I really don’t think relating the Doctor’s interest of Earth to him wanting to connect to his mother’s culture is an inherently bad idea. Like in the end I find a lot of people’s dislikes come more from them not liking stylistic choices than the movie being ‘objectively’ badly made.

There’s some pacing issues (though i find that more another fun camp element), and the ending I find really vague. Like I had no clue what was actually going on. But that might be me. I could possibly require a rewatch. But for the rest, issa just very enjoyable doccy who man, idk whatchu wan. Imo is ofc v good.

Excellent meta commentary on the industry of fiction writing, cute romance, and the Ninth Doctor is a lesbian support? Is this the best release of the year?

A super charming small scale story about widening horizons and the return of Le Great Big Epic™ at the same time, and they actually fit together really, really well.

Le Great Big Epic™‘s return here is different though from how it was in the Cloakroom. It’s very much kept away for until halfway through, and it’s also much more actually dramatic as well. It’s almost as if the moment that the alternate universe gateway opens and the entity comes through, it takes a whole other tone with it as well. Pym’s naivety isn’t wholesome and funny anymore but becomes worrying. Bernice’s quips aren’t quippy for the sake of it, but to deflect her stress. It’s a pretty heavy shift, but it works, because the shift comes when the in universe big shift of the creature coming happens. Like I said, they come together, and it’s like one brings the other with it naturally. Then the coming of the creature itself is build up very well throughout the silly fun at the start, so everything just clicks into place once the drama comes. Which is almost cosmic-horror-y in its execution, with its ununderstandable powers and seeing the entire universe as just a prison for ‘The Death’, which I like.

Also I’m not sure if this is what they’re going to go for in the next parts, but (in extension kinda of what I said before about prisons) this story implies at least a little to me that the entire Eternity Club was only just a really elaborate prison for ‘The Death’. Which I think can bring some cool existential stuff with it too. Everyone there has gaps in their memory, they don’t know what the place is and don’t want to find out. They are all simply brainwashed pawns who think they’re a lot. It won’t seem unlikely to me if some force comes next episodes and wipes a bunch of them out in a second. When all of these… kinda friends of Benny she (and we too) has been spending all this time with, turn out to not have been who they thought they were, that they’re all like 312.

Now that I think of it, I can also see a thematic link with Rhubarb, about the little things in life. Where there it’s about looking after those, and how small stuff can create big problems, Pym’s perspective makes us appreciate the tiny aspects. Everything that’s new is extraordinary, and one doesn’t know what they’re missing until they’ve found it or something. But also, it’s why I think this arc clicks so well. All those little forgettable details, from seemingly random technobabble to character motivations, all come together when Bernice realizes what’s going on. The reveal or twist or whatever you want to call it, of course comes out of left field, but it feels earned, like you should’ve figured it all out yourself long ago, because the story’s been telling it to you through the themes it’s handling. I think it’s brilliant. And it helps making it feel like a finale without even being one. (which in turn can excuse its more dramatic tone too)

Also, Big Spoiler: one of the last drops in the bucket that made me get this: The Master. Great. Perfect. Even if it isn’t, it is, actually. Even if I was spoiled, it was still glorious. Loved every single second of that ending. As they say: “Just the best.”

This story follows classic formats, does things like spying around making sure the goons don’t find you, reunited with there where one belongs, that kind of stuff, but Bernice is also lugging a tree around the entire time. I find it a really fun mix of things.

Then there is the always lovely Derek the tree just doing what he does, and it elevates the entire thing. Though unlike his previous appearances, this time a lot of the poeticisms don’t come from what he says, but rather from what he does and doesn’t. Exactly when here, he’s supposed to be in his element, he’s out of it. Or maybe not, and that might be exactly the point. That the way he acts in the eternity club isn’t how he naturally is, and only around them trees he feels relaxed enough not to put barriers up made out of pretend wiseness and stoicism. Because over the course of his adventure with Benny, he starts becoming less that, and it may be a bit because of the stress of all what’s going on, but even after all that he seems warmer. So that’s cool.

The commentary on how extremism can originate from goodwill I really like. Though at its core it’s more the thing of: tell a child it may not ever eat candy, it will only result in the child really wanting candy. That does remind me of a thing that happened to me in primary school. There was a playground thing, we called it “Heksenhoed” (witches’ hat, cause it was a big climb thing in the form of it). One day it got sealed off for repairing, and a group of the more rebellious children suddenly wanted to get to play on it, even if they never paid much attention to it before. Everything that’s deemed very explicitly forbidden only makes people want it more. That makes it cool and different. In this story is also the added factor of it having a directly negative impact on people as well. You don’t save forests by also making enemies, at least not in the long run. I do find that because of maybe the short runtime, Goss can’t really go into the subject enough. It’s stated, and we als get that it’s not those people’s fault, they can change when given the right path, but that’s also where it ends when chainsaw girl becomes a tree. Which is very much too bad, because if that element was explored more, I think it could’ve just been a 5/5. Because I think if we’re talking pure silly adventurous fun, this one is probably the most successful from the first 6 stories for me. And also Derek. I do love Derek. The other ones just don’t have this much Derek…

Forget what I said in my first review on The Armageddon Chair. Not everything, but some selective things, like is happening to the characters in this grander Eternity Club story. What I then said about Dorian Gray and doing the big epic even though time is short? How that doesn’t apply here. Forget it! I lied. Had that planned. Totally. I just like to lie in reviews and not actually give my opinion ha ha. Anyways.

A departure from the ‘sitcommy-vibeszz’ that the previous stories more or less kept to. Though that’s not really true either. The first two were enough alike, but the series has actually been very quite diverse so far. Though this story is definitely the largest differentiator yet. Foley goes for Le Big Epic™ in this story. Even if it has arguably the silliest title yet too, even winning from Rhubarb (getoutofmyhead) for me. The story might still start off with that silly premise, and to be honest, if you think about it, conceptually the entire thing is just so silly that that never truly stops, but tonally the fact that life has sprouted in a big cloakroom and the coats are offering our main characters to their cloak-gods by throwing them in a big pool of lava (they’re still in the cloakroom btw) is played completely straight. And not even in a parodic manner. Everything is honestly quite epic, and the message about life is honest and pure. It’s just about living clothing.

So yeah, we do start going to the ‘Dorian Gray way’ here. Epic and cool. A feeling like we’re exploring a huge cave where we can encounter everything, and it’s quite nice. Some spelunking, eh?

So like, yeah, nice. That’s what it is. A lot of this adventure is just really nice. But it keeps at being just a really nice adventure. It greatly plays on the character dynamics between Benny and Secretary Pym and improves on them with also that really nice ending moment, and there I go, I said that it’s nice again. The teases of mystery are also really nice. Never goes much beyond that for me though. It’s very good, very solid and imaginative. Just can’t find much more in it like with the others.

I guess I’m missing the irony here? Like on one hand I really appreciate its honesty, and to just be whimsical and have this crazy plot without falling into farce, but I feel like Eternity Club so far has benefited from its satirical tone. But I’m also very happy with this story just like it is exactly because it is so different. Variety is nice. Dang it I said it again.

A very lovely, very funny, very rhubarb story. Even if it doesn’t necessarily have much depth, I’ve gotta give it to mister Foley for just going: rhubarb it, I’m going to make a story where everything’s rhubarb.

It’s a nice rhubarb of how the small rhubarb matter. Every war starts from something small and insignificant. And yeah, most conflicts on our rhubarb could probably just be resolved if people just rhubarb damned listened to each other. But no, those in power and their egotistical wants gotta ruin it. The rhubarb is a very nice metaphor for rhubarb in that way. Our real life rhubarb really aren’t much more rhubarb than the average rhubarb and Sontaran huh?

Rhubard outside of the scope of interhubarberic-war, the theme of small rhubarb leading to big things still rhubarb. Never think: “Ah, I’ll rhubarb that later.” About watering your rhubarb or cleaning the table. It might not lead to a rhubarb-rhubarb, which leads to, you know. But rhubarb get what I rhubarb. As I rhubarb what the story rhubarb.

Some really lovely Tim Rhubarb moments as well, rhubarb the rhubarb and Sontaran and Draconian rhubarb, which are really really wonderful. And of course Bernice who rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb.

There’s also what’s of rhubarb mentioned in the behind the rhubarb about how this is a more rhubarb story, likening it rhubarb to the rhubarb main rhubarb. Also a great rhubarb for how, in rhubarb, Bernice can rhubarb a rhubarb rhubarb, rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb.

Rhubarb rhubarb, rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb, rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb. Rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb. Rhubarb!

Goss only had one goal while writing this probably. He wanted to address the censorship of history, and making the past come over as better than it was. And while it’s incredibly ‘in-your-face’, and done in the least subtle way I can imagine, I can’t say he didn’t succeed.

What James very smartly does here is play the reversed sexism for laughs. It’s first to be assumed to be another piece of satire, until the listener starts to realize when Benny comments on some things that there’s something else at play. Really cool use of the tone of the boxset to ‘mislead’ the listener.

This is something else of course, but I guess you can say that a similar topic has been handled in Jubilee. Though Jubilee is about not taking fascism seriously and commercializing on it. But one of the major things this story reminds me of is Disney censoring old problematic works, forbidding them from being seen. Wanting to forget they have ever happened to make their history look ‘clean’, which in the end is also for commercial reasons. Both can have parallels drawn to them about altering history because of greed (if you take the altering history part literally I’m sure there’s a ‘cracking’ story in that concept). Instead of taking responsibility and learning from past mistakes, shying away from it, and so risking making the mistake again. This part doesn’t go anywhere, by the way, sorry. Even more, it ends here.

It’s a relatively simple concept in the end, but it’s executed very well, and I do think it’s an important enough message, so I’m seeing through the heavy handedness. Works very well with Bernice too, her being an archeologist, and does nice things for her character. The little part where it’s honestly talking about how difficult it is for woman is nice as well.