IAN: Well, you see Vicki, our space ship, well, isn't like this one. It travels through time.

BARBARA: We left in 1963.

VICKI: 1963! But that means you're about five hundred and fifty years old.

BARBARA: Why, yes, I suppose I am. Yes, it's a way of looking at it, but I'll try not to look at it too often.

VICKI: They didn't have time machines in 1963, they didn't know anything then.

IAN: Oh, we weren't entirely ignorant, young lady. Even the Doctor thought it was worth paying us a visit. That's how we got mixed up with him in the first place.

IAN: What's that nightmare?

DOCTOR: Isn't it sufficient that it's down there and we're up here? Hmm?

IAN: Yes. It's got eyes. I saw them. Green. Used to daylight. Must have come in from the outside.

DOCTOR: Oh. Very good, yes. Very intelligent reasoning. So good I might have said the same thing myself.

BARBARA: Look, Ian, all the old associations are still in the ship. You can't expect him to say goodbye to Susan and then forget about her the next minute.

IAN: No, I suppose not. I wonder what she's doing now?

BARBARA: If I know anything about David, she's learning to milk cows.

DOCTOR: You destroyed a whole planet to save your own skin. You're insane.

BENNETT: The girl didn't know I'd been arrested. When we get back to Earth, she'd support my story. I dressed up as Koquillion to show her how terrible the people here were.

DOCTOR: If that happened, your guilt would have been hidden forever, hmm?

BENNETT: If it happened? Nothing's changed. There's only three more people for Koquillion to kill, that's all.

VICKI: Then Bennett murdered my father. Then I've got nobody.

DOCTOR: My dear. My dear, why don't you come with us, hmm?

VICKI: In that old box?

DOCTOR: We can travel anywhere and everywhere in that old box as you call it. Regardless of space and time.

VICKI: Then it is a time machine?

DOCTOR: And if you like adventure, my dear, I can promise you an abundance of it. Apart from all that, well you'll be amongst friends. Hmm? Well? Now, suppose I leave you here for a moment to think about it, hmm?

VICKI: Where will we go next? Has the Doctor told you yet?

BARBARA: Oh, no, he never does that.

VICKI: You mean it's a surprise?

IAN: Er, yes. To everybody.

BARBARA: Oh, I'm so hungry.

IAN: Yes, so am I. Er, Barbara, there must be a bit of that cold peacock of yours left in the fridge.

BARBARA: Hey, you're right!

IAN: Why don't you have a look?

BARBARA: Oh, very funny! Instead of sitting there making stupid jokes, why don't you get yourself cleaned up?

“A lifetime's work! I'll have you both killed over and over again! Guards! Guards! Fool! Idiot! Traitor! Pig! I'll stick you both in the arena, on an island with water all round, and in the water there will be alligators and the water level will be raised and the alligators will get you! Fool! Traitor! Brilliant! You are a genius! A genius! I will make you rich! Rich! So the Senate wouldn't pass my plans, eh? Wouldn't let me build my New Rome? But if the old one is burnt, if it goes up in flames, they will have no choice! Rome will be rebuilt to my design! Brilliant! Brilliant!”

RICHARD: I am the King. Where is there any man who has greater power over his subjects?

JOANNA: In Rome. His Holiness the Pope will not allow this marriage of mine to that infidel.

RICHARD: But, Joanna? You defy me with the Pope!

JOANNA: No, you defy the world with your politics! The reason you and all your armies are here is the reason on my side. You are here to fight these dogs, defeat them. Marry me to them and you make a pact with the Devil. Force me to it and I'll turn the world we know into your enemy.

JOANNA: Bid your servants go about the town and find nimble hands who will dress this child. Good weaving, well-spun cloth. The dresses shall be of silk and satins and brocaded stuff.

CHAMBERLAIN: Dresses? Silks? Satins? For the boy? I, I thought there was some amusement, your Highness?

JOANNA: Did you, Chamberlain?

(Joanna leaves.)

CHAMBERLAIN: I don't understand!

VICKI: It's perfectly simple. I'm a girl.

CHAMBERLAIN: A girl? Dressed as a boy? Is nothing understandable these days?

STEVEN: Good day. We're looking for...

MONK: Indeed, we're all searching for something. Some like myself seek it in the peace and solitude that repose behind these monastery

STEVEN: We are looking for a friend of ours!

STEVEN: Look, you gave this ship a name just now, what was it?

VICKI: TARDIS, T A R D I S. It stands for Time And Relative Dimensions In Space.

STEVEN: IDBI.

VICKI: What? IDBI?

STEVEN: I D B I.

VICKI: Yes?

STEVEN: It means I Don't Believe It.

VICKI: A door!

STEVEN: Let me have a look. We can get inside.

VICKI: It's a TARDIS. The Monk's got a TARDIS!

DOCTOR: So that's it! You're a time meddler! No wonder you wanted to get rid of me. And what are you trying to get up to this time?

MONK: I'm sure you'll approve, Doctor.

DOCTOR: Are you quite mad? You know as well as I do the golden rule about space and time travelling. Never, never interfere with the course of history.

MONK: And who says so? Doctor, it's more fun my way. I can make things happen ahead of their time.

MONK: I want to improve things.

DOCTOR: Improve things? Improve things, yes, that's good. Very good. Improve what, for instance?

MONK: Well, for instance, Harold, King Harold, I know he'd be a good king. There wouldn't be all those wars in Europe, those claims over France went on for years and years. With peace the people'd be able to better themselves. With a few hints and tips from me they'd be able to have jet airliners by 1320! Shakespeare'd be able to put Hamlet on television.

DOCTOR: He'd do what?

MONK: The play Hamlet on television.

DOCTOR: Oh, yes, quite so, yes, of course, I do know the medium.

DOCTOR: All elephants are pink. Nellie is an elephant, therefore Nellie is pink. Logical?

DAVROS: Perfectly.

DOCTOR: You know what a human would say to that?

DAVROS: What?

TYSSAN: Elephants aren't pink.

DAVROS: Bah. Humans do not understand logic.

ROMANA: They're not slaves to it like the Daleks or the Movellans.

SHARREL: Disfunction or death, as you know it, only occurs in us with massive circuitry disturbance. We are infinitely superior.

DOCTOR: Are you really?

SHARREL: We function logically.

DOCTOR: My condolences to you.

“Supreme Dalek. Pah. That is a title I shall dispute most vigorously. I created the Daleks. It is I who will guide their destiny. I am the Supreme Commander!”

DALEK: The workers have been released.

DOCTOR: Good, good. Now, I'll need one minute to get clear. Get back! I told you this was life insurance. I've adapted the device to explode by remote control.

(The Doctor sticks the bomb onto Davros' life support.)

DOCTOR: All I have to do is squeeze my sonic screwdriver and boom, boom, Davros.

DAVROS: You need not elaborate, Doctor.

DOCTOR: Just so long as you've got it clear.

DOCTOR: Well. Well, now we've a little time to ourselves, I'll fill you in on some of the events that have taken place during the centuries you've been, er, dozing.

DAVROS: Well?

DOCTOR: Well, Arcturus won the Galactic Olympic Games. Betelgeuse came a close second. The economy on Algo's in a terrible state due to irreversible inflation...

DAVROS: Doctor!

DOCTOR: What? Yes?

DAVROS: Do you believe your puny efforts can change the course of destiny?

DAVROS: Since my entombment, I have no knowledge of the advancement of my Daleks. Of course they have achieved great things.

DOCTOR: Oh yes, oh yes. They've wreaked havoc and destruction, destroyed countless innocent lives

DAVROS: Only the beginning! Now I have returned, the campaign will begin in earnest. I have slept but now I have awakened, and the universe will be sorry.

DOCTOR: Davros, you. I have slept but now I have awakened and the universe will be. You're misquoting Napoleon! One day I'll tell you what happened to him, too.

DOCTOR: Can I ask you where you got these?

SCARLIONI: No.

DOCTOR: Right. Or how you knew they were here?

SCARLIONI: No.

DOCTOR: They've been bricked up a long time.

SCARLIONI: Yes.

DOCTOR: I like concise answers.

SCARLIONI: Good.

DOCTOR: Duggan! Duggan, why is it that every time I start to talk to someone, you knock him unconscious?

DUGGAN: I didn't expect him to go down that easy.

DOCTOR: Well, if you don't understand heads, you shouldn't go about hitting them.

JAMES MILLER: Now then, you told my guards that you're called the Doctor. Doctor who?

DOCTOR: Ah, well, that's the question isn't it?

BENNY: You're very interesting.

ACE: Cheers.

BENNY: Mainly because of the badges on your jacket. Those are really odd, because they're all from one of the eras I specialize in, early space age. They must have cost you a fortune.

ACE: Nah. I'm a time traveller from the nineteen-eighties.

BENNY: That is less possible than something very impossible indeed. That is really crukking impossible.

BERNICE: What's the best Isley Brothers song?

DOCTOR: "This Old Heart of Mine".

BERNICE: Correct.

DOCTOR: Surprising question.

BERNICE: Ah, well, surprise is my middle name. Bernice Surprise Summerfield. My poor Mum wanted to hammer that point home, I think.

“There are things in this universe that even the Daleks fear. Terrible things that use what we are, make it into something evil. Things that play the most devious games. You can fight a Dalek, exterminate it. There are few ways to fight what's inside your neighbour, or inside you...”

DOCTOR: You think you've fallen in love. One day you'll wake up and he'll be gone. ACE: Shut up! What the hell do you know about love? You don't do it, do you?

DOCTOR: Not lately.

ACE: What are you getting so worked up about? I didn't have it off with a bloody Dalek!

DOCTOR: Would it have made a difference?

MÁIRE: Will you keep Jan safe and warm, and hide with him from all pursuit?

ACE: I guess so . . . yeah.

MÁIRE: And will you, Jan, do the same?

JAN: Aye, I will and all.

MÁIRE: Well, you're now betrothed in the sight of the Goddess. You soft fools!

ACE: Does this mean we're engaged? That was always something I said I'd never do.

JAN: We are. What else did you say you'd never do?

ACE: Done most of it.

DOCTOR: Now, you pull out your sword with a rousing all for one!

ROUFFET: And I reply, what was it again?

DOCTOR: And one for all. Remember?

DELMARRE: All for one

DELMARRE + ROUFFET: And one for all.

DOCTOR: Well, with a little practice I'm sure you'll get it.

ERIMEM: You are very opinionated, Madame de Chevreuse.

CHEVREUSE: Secretly, I believe the Cardinal carries a torch for the Queen.

ERIMEM: Carries a torch? Forgive me, I do not know the expression.

CHEVREUSE: He is in love with the Queen, but he is certainly no saint. I've heard that he has children in nunneries across the country.

DOCTOR: We have a ball to attend. Let's go. All for one!

DELMARRE: What?

DOCTOR: Ah. Never mind

PERI: But we're changing history.

DOCTOR: No. No, no, no, no. We're not changing history, we are history. We're here, we've always been here, and we always will be here. Do you understand?

PERI: Not really.

DOCTOR: You'll just have to trust me.

DOCTOR: I see our two swashbuckling friends are right at home.

PERI: Doctor, how exactly do you swash your buckle?

DOCTOR: Do you know, I haven't the foggiest.

DOCTOR: Honestly, Charles... Can I call you Charles? I'm such a big fan!

CHARLES DICKENS: Uh, you're a what? A big what?

DOCTOR: Fan! Number one fan, that's me!

CHARLES DICKENS: How exactly are you a "fan"? In what way do you resemble a means of keeping oneself cool?

“What phantasmagoria is this?”

SERVANT: Who the hell are you?!

DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor, and I just snogged Madame de Pompadour. Ha, ha!

“Oh, you are beautiful! No, really, you are. You're gorgeous! Look at that. Space age clockwork, I love it. I've got chills! Listen, seriously, I mean this from the heart, and, by the way, count those, it would be a crime, it would be an act of vandalism to disassemble you. But that won't stop me.”

MICKEY: You said this was the fifty first century.

DOCTOR: I also said this ship was generating enough power to punch a hole in the universe. I think we just found the hole. Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink.

MICKEY: What's that?

DOCTOR: No idea. Just made it up. Didn't want to say magic door.

DOCTOR: It's back on the ship. Rose, take Mickey and Arthur. Get after it. Follow it. Don't approach it, just watch what it does.

ROSE: Arthur?

DOCTOR: Good name for a horse.

ROSE: No, you're not keeping the horse.

DOCTOR: I let you keep Mickey. Now go! Go! Go!

ROSE: What've you been doing? Where've you been?

DOCTOR: Well, among other things, I think just invented the banana daiquiri a few centuries early. Do you know, they've never even seen a banana before. Always take a banana to a party, Rose. Bananas are good.

(The Doctor turns toward the Clocwork Droids)

Doctor: Oh ho, ho, ho, ho, brilliant. It's you. You're my favourite, you are. You are the best! Do you know why? Because you're so thick. You're Mister Thick Thick Thickity Thick Face from Thicktown, Thickania. And so's your dad.

DOCTOR: We've found something. It looks like metal. Like some sort of seal. I've got a nasty feeling the word might be trapdoor. Not a good word, trapdoor. Never met a trapdoor I liked.

IDA: The edge is covered with those symbols.

ZACH: Do you think it opens?

DOCTOR: That's what trapdoors tend to do.

IDA: Well, we've come this far. There's no turning back.

DOCTOR: Oh, did you have to? No turning back? That's almost as bad as "nothing can possible go wrong", or "this is going to be the best Christmas Walford's ever had".

DOCTOR: I'd have to settle down. Get a house or something. A proper house with, with doors and things. Carpets. Me, living in a house. Now that, that is terrifying.

ROSE: You'd have to get a mortgage.

DOCTOR: No.

DANNY: They're the Ood.

ROSE: The Ood?

DANNY: The Ood.

ROSE: Well that's ood.

DANNY: Very ood, but handy. They work the mine shafts. All the drilling and stuff. Supervision and maintenance. They're born for it. Basic slave race.

DOCTOR: Maybe we opened the prison but not the cell.

IDA: We should go down. I'd go. What about you?

DOCTOR: Oh. Oh, in a second, but then again, that is so human. Where angels fear to tread. Even now, standing on the edge. It's that feeling you get, eh? Right at the back of your head. That impulse. That strange little impulse. That mad little voice saying, go on. Go on. Go on. Go over. Go on. Maybe it's relying on that. For once in my life, Officer Scott, I'm going to say retreat. Oh, now I know I'm getting old.

DOCTOR: If you are the Beast, then answer me this. Which one, hmm? Cos the universe has been busy since you've been gone. There's more religions than there are planets in the sky. The Archiphets, Orkology, Christianity, Pash Pash, New Judaism, San Klah, Church of the Tin Vagabond. Which devil are you?

THE BEAST: All of them.

DOCTOR: What, then you're the truth behind the myth?

THE BEAST: This one knows me as I know him. The killer of his own kind.

DOCTOR: You get representations of the Horned Beast right across the universe, in the myths and legends of a million worlds. Earth, Draconia, Velconsadine, Daemos. The Kaled god of war. It's the same image, over and over again. Maybe that idea came from somewhere, bleeding through. The thought at the back of every sentient mind.

IDA: Emanating from here?

DOCTOR: Could be.

IDA: But if this is the original, does that make it real? Does that make it the actual devil, though?

DOCTOR: Well, if that's what you want to believe. Maybe that's what the devil is, in the end. An idea.

DOCTOR: I believe, I believe I haven't seen everything, I don't know. It's funny, isn't it? The things you make up. The rules. If that thing had said it came from beyond the universe, I'd believe it, but before the universe? Impossible. Doesn't fit my rule. Still, that's why I keep travelling. To be proved wrong. Thank you, Ida.

IDA: Don't go!

DOCTOR: If they get back in touch, if you talk to Rose, just tell her. Tell her. Oh, she knows.

IDA: But Doctor, what did you find down there? That creature, what was it?

DOCTOR: I don't know. Never did decipher that writing. But that's good, Day I know everything? Might as well stop.

ROSE: What do you think it was, really?

DOCTOR: I think we beat it. That's good enough for me.

ROSE: It said I was going to die in battle.

DOCTOR: Then it lied.

“I’m not mental, I’m environmental!”

“I feel patriotic! Spores and stripes forever!”

“I’m the Doctor. Admiral of the Victis Fleet. Time Lord Victorious. Bringer of Death to the Bringers of Death. And I’m not kneeling.”

“What an awkward situation. Mr Ball’s toes, were he in possession of any, would surely be curling by now.”

“You laugh, and you smile, and you joke. You hold the hand of the universe as though it is a friend you are seeing for the last time.”

DOCTOR: Wait a moment! I’m no killer.

INYIT: Indeed? And yet, what else is there in your life besides killing and death? I see one who preys on life, and one who has brought about the death of worlds, and my own species. It is fitting that you should end me.

BRIAN: Do the Daleks remember you are their ally?

DOCTOR: Almost certainly.

BRIAN: And how do they treat their allies?

DOCTOR: They normally end up the same as their enemies. Very dead.

DALEK SCIENTIST: Rate of genetic absorption is outside allocation.

DOCTOR: That is Dalek for “oops”.

TENTH DOCTOR: The Ultimate End? That’s stupid! What else is an end but ultimate? I mean, you can’t have a penultimate end, can you? Why are Daleks always so rubbish at naming things?

EIGHTH DOCTOR: They don’t read enough.

“Throwing a wrecking ball through history, harvesting lost species, even invading Gallifrey – that I could understand. But, a hybrid of Dalek and Great Vampire DNA? Dalekula?”