Search & filter every Whoniverse story ever made!
View stories featuring your favourite characters & track your progress!
Complete sets of stories, track them on the homepage, earn badges!
Join TARDIS Guide to keep track of the stories you've completed - rate them, add to favourites, get stats!
Roadmap and blog returning soon...
Lots more Guides are on their way!
Tags: Funny
DOCTOR: Sometimes I think I should change my name from Doctor to Donald!
(He ducks under a shot fired at his head)
DOCTOR: All I ever seem to do is duck!
— Dragon’s Claw
Tags: Speech
DOCTOR: Hello.
DAVID: Get back or I'll use the gun.
DOCTOR: Yes, I imagine you will. You like guns, don't you.
DAVID: This is a specialised weapon. It's designed for roof duty, designed for long range. I've never used one up close before.
ALEX: Let him go.
DAVID: No.
DOCTOR: No. In fact, let him come a little closer.
DAVID: Stay where you are.
DOCTOR: Why? Scared? Why should you be scared? You're the one with the gun.
DAVID: That's right.
DOCTOR: You like guns, don't you.
ALEX: He'll kill you.
DOCTOR: Of course he will. That's what guns are for. Pull the trigger, end a life. Simple, isn't it.
DAVID: Yes.
DOCTOR: Makes sense, doesn't it.
DOCTOR: A life killing life.
ALEX: Who are you?
DOCTOR: Shut up. Why don't you do it then? Look me in the eye, pull the trigger, end my life. Why not?
DAVID: I can't.
DOCTOR: Why not?
DAVID: I don't know.
DOCTOR: No, you don't, do you.
(The Doctor takes the gun from David.)
DOCTOR: Throw away your gun.
(Alex drops his gun.)
— The Happiness Patrol
There was a man curled up in the corner, trying to hide himself behind a bowler hat and not succeeding very well. He had a little bit of ink on his hands, but wasn’t nearly as grubby as the other men. I went over and asked him if he was all right. He started muttering ‘I must obey, I must obey’. Very zombie. The Doctor asked him who he must obey, and he said ‘the Queen’. Which the Doctor said was an admirable sentiment, but what did the Queen want him to do? And he said, ‘kill’, which I didn’t think was very admirable at all.
— Tenth Doctor, Stamp of Approval
"Your ship’s causing this typhoon. Launching it would generate a tsunami that would barrel down the Bristol Channel and out into the Atlantic. On the bright side, I grant you, that would wipe out Bristol. But you know I won’t let it happen."
— Captain Jack Harkness, Another Life
‘Any other last-minute pearls of wisdom?’ Gwen asked him. ‘Only I’m getting drowned out here.’
‘That’s nothing,’ said Toshiko. ‘You should see it in Cardiff now. Much heavier than here, and still deteriorating. The worst seems to be confined to the Bay area. It’s like a microclimate.’
‘Microclimate as in “tiny amount of sun”?’ retorted Jack, and put the SUV into gear again. ‘We might as well be in Manchester.’
— Another Life
‘Most people spend their time looking up,’ she said eventually, ‘looking at the stars. You seem to spend far too much time looking down. What are you looking for, exactly?’
‘Perhaps I’m looking for fallen stars,’ he said after a moment.
‘It’s the people, isn’t it? You just can’t help watching them.’ She caught herself. ‘No, that’s not it. You’re not watching them; you’re watching over them.’
‘Ever seen a two-year-old tottering around a garden?’ he said softly, without turning around. ‘There might be poison ivy, or rose bushes, or hawthorn around the edges. There might be spades or secateurs lying on the lawn. The kid doesn’t care. He just wants to play with all those brightly coloured things he sees. To him, the world is a safe place. And you might want to rush out and cut back all those sharp, spiky plants so they can’t hurt him, and you might want to clear away all those dangerous tools just in case he picks them up and cuts himself on them, but you know you shouldn’t, because if you keep doing that then he will either grow up thinking the world can never hurt him, or he might go the other way and think that everything is dangerous and he should never go far from your side. So you just watch. And wait. And, if he does get a rash from the poison ivy, or if he does cut his finger off with the secateurs, then you get him to hospital as quickly as you can, in the reasonably sure knowledge that he’ll never make that mistake again.’
— Slow Decay
Finally only one little boy stood, waiting with the stranger to go over.
‘I can’t do it,’ he wailed.
‘What’s your name?’ the stranger asked.
‘Gahnna.’
‘Well, Gahnna, Rojan and all the others did it.’
‘I’m scared.’
‘Yes, I know,’ he replied. ‘And being scared is good. It’s brilliant in fact, because it pushes you to do things you wouldn’t normally do.’
‘I can’t!’ Gahnna repeated.
‘Yes, you can,’ the stranger said. ‘Trust me.’
‘Why?’
The stranger looked up, caught Rojan’s eye and smiled.
‘Trust me because I’m, well, I’m sort of a doctor.’
— The Stranger
Tags: Sad
RAM: When did you know the time was right to start talking?
TANYA: I talked to my brothers, which I didn't expect, but
RAM: But they knew. Cos the same thing happened to them.
TANYA: It wasn't like big group hugs or anything. We'd play Xbox and Jarvis would say, 'Do you remember how bad Dad was at this?' and Damon would say, 'Yeah,' and I'd say, 'Yeah.' And then we'd laugh and keep playing. It'd be a little better. Not a lot, but at least a little bit.
RAM: I miss her.
TANYA: I know.
— The Coach with the Dragon Tattoo
BILL: Doctor, you okay?
DOCTOR: Bill, I've got no TARDIS, no sonic, about ten minutes of oxygen left, and now I'm blind. Can you imagine how unbearable I'm going to be when I pull this off?
— Oxygen
There was a town, on the southern shore of Lake Calasper, ripped apart by a giant earthquake. No one should have survived, but everywhere the people ran, they found a police telephone box standing in front of them, opening its doors.
A tornado tore through a tiny village, till a ring of blue boxes spun round the storm in the opposite direction, shrinking it into the ground.
As cities and towns and villages burned all around the planet, blue boxes came hurtling through the smoke, rescuing people from windows and rooftops.
A sky transporter, plunging towards the heart of the Capitol was suddenly being piloted by a funny man with big ears and a black jacket. Everyone on board stared out of the windows, as he climbed along the wing, to rewire one of the engines.
A ship on the high seas, about to capsize, was suddenly captained by a strange little man in a frock coat and check trousers, who kept offering people gobstoppers and complaining about his aunt being giddy.
There was a man with a ridiculous umbrella, who evacuated a school as a mountain crumbled towards it, and kept everyone laughing as they ran. A gentle cricketer took command of a hospital on fire, rescued the patients and completed an operation, as the flames licked at the theatre door. A man with a cloud of white hair and a swirling cape stood on a beach and, with a tiny silver rod, froze a whole tsunami as it thundered towards a town. A laughing joker in a colourful coat led a party of miners out of the tunnels that had come crashing down around them. Four children, trapped on the side of a cliff face, knew beyond doubt that no one was coming to their rescue, till the end of an absurdly long scarf dangled down in front of them.
I was everywhere I was needed that day, across all my lives, and I believe I have never run so fast. If I sound proud, forgive me: it is the inverse of the shame I carried for so many years. This was the last day of the Time War, but it was no longer the worst day of my life. Instead, this was the day the people of Gallifrey rose up and put 2.47 billion children safely to bed. This was the day I remembered who I was, and swore never to forget again.
This was the day of the Doctor.
— Doctor Who: The Day of the Doctor
I said we’re not the same. Here’s why. All my life, every day, I’ve wished I was someone else. I’ve wanted to be Kate, or Sarah Jane Smith, or Amy Pond, or anyone really. But you’re a shape-shifter, you’ve been lots of other people—and you want to be me. I think that makes you a much better Petronella Osgood than I am.
I think I’d like to be a better version. If the Doctor can’t always be a hero, we’re going to need a few more, right?
I have no idea how long I stood there. An hour perhaps. Or a minute, or a day. Time takes on a different meaning when it is measured in the heartbeats of the billions you are about to destroy.
— War Doctor, Doctor Who: The Day of the Doctor
‘Because you live in a time machine. All of history is still happening outside those doors. On a good night that means everyone you ever met is still alive and you can’t wait to see them again. On a bad night, it means everyone’s dead, and you want to charge around the universe, pretending you can do something about that.’ She looked up at me. ‘I know which version of you I prefer.’
— Eleventh Doctor, Doctor Who: The Day of the Doctor
The last day. The floor tremored at his feet. Were there shockwaves coming out of the painting?
The last day. He was back on Karn, so many faces ago, and he was drinking the poison, ready to walk into the storm.
The last day. The desert was hot beneath his boots, and a tiny barn shimmered on the horizon.
The last day. Elizabeth of England tilted back her face to be kissed, but it wasn’t really her.
The last day. He was trapped in a cell with two old men who hated him, but the shadows hid their faces.
The last day. He was standing in a gallery, and Clara was asking him if he was okay.
‘The Saga of the Time Lords,’ Rose repeated, as the play’s title flashed up once again. ‘Isn’t this a bit like watching a home movie for you?’ She looked around. ‘With really high production values?’
‘From what I’ve heard, it’s more like fan fiction,’ the Doctor said. ‘And don’t get me wrong. I love fan fiction. You should read some of mine. But I sincerely doubt anybody here has ever actually met a Time Lord, let alone been to Gallifrey.’
— He’s Behind You
Bill was learning a lot about screams in the company of the Doctor. There were the screams of soldiers facing something they’d never dreamed they would face. There were the screams you screamed in a dark and creaking house when your friends were vanishing left and right. There were the screams you gasped when your oxygen was running low.
— Twelfth Doctor, Inflicting Christmas
It was one of the Doctor’s favourite details about the universe outside Gallifrey, as well as one of the things he found most confusing. Time travel was, to Time Lords, about as exciting as the postal service. It was mostly cheap, mostly reliable, and everyone used it. Yes, sometimes it took an awfully long time to get to the desired destination, and sometimes things went spectacularly wrong but, all in all, it was just a thing that happened, and you were a bit weird if you talked about it too much, particularly at parties. Non-Gallifreyans, however, genuinely believed time travel was magic, while ignoring the far more impressive inventions of their own cultures. Such as, for example, a delivery system where one paid a pound to have a folded piece of paper inside another folded piece of paper taken from Bingley to Guam.
— Ninth Doctor, A Day to Yourselves
He was getting frustrated, and took a moment to remind himself that getting frustrated was good, actually. Frustration, he had decided, was something this version of the Doctor was going to feel a lot, because frustration meant he wasn’t winning. The Doctor had won a war recently; now he never wanted to win anything ever again.
Time Lords were so solid. So sedate. The TARDISes had given them a doorway to every picosecond and planet that ever was or would be, but the Time Lords looked at those door frames and saw picture frames instead. Like the universe was just a painting on a wall – faintly interesting, but mostly decorative.
— , A Day to Yourselves
GILES: I don't know how it happened, it turns out Stathe- Stacey was a Love Wraith from the planet Succuba.
— Giles, Stacey Facade
Did you know you can only fold the same piece of paper in half seven times otherwise the universe breaks? Well, on the eighth fold, those lovely theatre seats were sucked in, along with the floorboards and the joists.
On the ninth fold, all those spiffy corridors the Doctor and Donna were running through – they got pulled in too, in a splinter of doors and a tearing of carpet and a shattering of light bulbs. Ah, well, guess I’d never have got round to changing them.
On the tenth fold, the Toyshop went – dolls and trains and trucks and skittles and dice all squeezed down from four dimensions to one, my puppets only having time for one final wave before they were gone.
— Doctor Who: The Giggle
Yes, thought Kate Lethbridge-Stewart, maybe I am a Nepo Baby. She’d grown up watching her father save the world. Well, she would have done if he’d ever been around. But he’d been too busy. Saving the world. It had been a strange childhood. Spent waiting for glimpses of him. That tired smile on his face after a long day. Patiently listening to her excited babble about finger painting while he’d been – well, she’d read the files. Gel guards. Axons. Devil Goblins from Neptune.
Once he was down to pick her up from school. Late, of course. She’d been standing alone at the gates, bored as ever, and glancing around to make sure no one saw him roar up in a military jeep. Instead, it had been a yellow clown car driven by a wizard. ‘You should never get in cars with strangers,’ he’d told her as she’d got in. ‘But Alistair’s a bit busy.’ Funny, hearing her father’s name. She pulled the face. She’d spent her whole life being told her father was a bit busy.
They’d roared off down the road, the man next to her smiling and talking and somehow passing her a bag of sweets while holding his hat on his head. ‘Little bit of a problem with giant cockroaches and Didcot power station,’ the man had laughed. ‘Can’t be bothered with that. So I said I’d drop you off at Ballet Class. Which I absolutely can, of course.’ A pause, and a friendly wickedness lit up his features. ‘Or … we could go dancing with Anna Pavlova?’ And that had been the first time Kate Lethbridge-Stewart had met the Doctor. Now she’d inherited the family firm. Holding the world together with duct tape and the most brilliant people she could find. Just in case, this one time, the Doctor didn’t turn up and do what he did best.
Save. The. World.
That was the thing about the TARDIS. It had a drag queen’s sense of timekeeping, always making a big entrance, just a bit late.
— TARDIS, Doctor Who: The Giggle
The first time she’d met the Doctor, she’d told him to stop. He’d stood there, surrounded by fire and the screams of giant spiders, and back then he’d looked like he could go on burning for ever. Now he was a cheap tealight.
— Fourteenth Doctor, Doctor Who: The Giggle
Not a member? Join for free! Forgot password?
Content