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Tags: Funny
PARKER: Home, m'lady?
LADY PENELOPE: Home, Parker. By the way, Parker, how did you fare at the Casino?
PARKER: Oh, er... I lost, m'lady.
LADY PENELOPE: Oh, dear. How much?
PARKER: Well, it's a bit difficult.
LADY PENELOPE: Now, come on, Parker, you can tell me.
PARKER: Well, it wasn't so much 'how much', it was 'what' I lost.
LADY PENELOPE: You know, Parker, you're being very mysterious. What did you lose?
PARKER: Well, you see, I got a bit carried away, I thought I had a system.
LADY PENELOPE: Parker! What did you lose?
PARKER: Well, er... your yacht, m'lady.
— The Man from MI.5
LADY PENELOPE: [sees Carl pick up a length of rope] Oh, are you going to tie me up?
CARL: You bet I am.
LADY PENELOPE: Oh, I don't mind, really.
SONGSTEN: Harsh words are like blunted arrows. It is the truth that makes them sharp.
— The Abominable Snowmen
“I've acted all my life. All the world's a stage.'
'It's not.' Bressac tapped his nose thoughtfully. 'There's no rehearsal, no proper audience, no intermission, one performance only. Behind the scenes there are only more scenes. You can't tell if it's a tragedy or a comedy, but you know that, sooner or later, it'll be an historical. Daggers have solid blades and the blood is real.”
— The Man in the Velvet Mask
It reminded Sade of some of the aristocrats, who had treated imprisonment as a bad joke, a mild annoyance that would be made right before any real damage was done. They had kept their dignity right up to the moment when the drum roll stopped and the blade fell. Then, too late, they screamed like children.
As I would have done. The thought popped unwelcome into his head.
CLYDE: Well, duh. Let’s have a High School Musical moment. A group hug’ll sort everything out.
— Clyde Langer, Revenge of the Slitheen
Luke: You know you said, anything I wanted to know, just ask, right?
Clyde: Encyclopædia Clydannica, I’m your man.
Luke: Tell me about girls.
— Warriors of Kudlak
Luke: I wasn’t trying to be cruel. I was trying to be funny.
Clyde: Yeah, well not everybody’s cut out to be me.
CLYDE [on phone]: This is Clyde. If you want me, and I don’t blame you, leave me your number, especially if you’re cute.
— Clyde Langer, The Lost Boy
Luke: Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns. Johnny Depp has it.
Clyde: What encyclopaedia did you learn that from, then?
Luke: Heat.
— The Day of the Clown
RANI: Look, there’s something I’ve got to tell you. Something about me you ought to know.
CLYDE: You’re from another planet. I already guessed.
LUKE: Actually, Clyde, it’s worse than that.
(Mister Chandra gets out of his car.)
CLYDE: Oh, no. Rani, please tell me there’s a good reason why our new head just pulled up outside your house that doesn’t involve the word dad.
RANI: Honestly, he’s all right, really. It’s just his job.
CLYDE: Yeah, that’s what they said about Doctor Frankenstein.
Clyde: Mars has entered the Milky Way and Aero is in conjunction with the Galaxy.
— Clyde Langer, Secrets of the Stars
(Clyde projects a hologram of himself.)
HOLO-CLYDE: Hey, hey, Maria! This friend of Sarah Jane’s given her this holographic postcard whatsit thing, so
HOLO-LUKE: Hi, Maria. We miss you.
HOLO-CLYDE: Soft boy. We don’t miss you. We’ve moved on. You’re gone and forgotten. Maria Who, I say.
— The Mark of the Berserker
(Clyde answers the doorbell to see a woman with a charity collecting box.)
CLYDE: Sorry, this isn’t a good time.
(She transforms into a Bane. Clyde slams the door shut.)
CLYDE: Luke! Luke! It’s attack of the one-eyed squiddy things!
— Enemy of the Bane
DOCTOR: ...in doing so, you make it happen. Anything I do just makes it happen.
— Tenth Doctor, The Waters of Mars
RANI: They’re Blathereen, not Slitheen.
CLYDE: Ah, Slitheen, Blathereen, Whatevereen. They’re from Raxacorico-doo-dar, and that place has a seriously dodgy reputation.
— The Gift
Tags: Speech
CLYDE: This doesn’t happen. You lot shouldn’t even be in this country.
KOENIG: Quite a statement, from a negro.
CLYDE: Reduced to name calling, are you? You’re just a gang of bullies, picking on others for what they look like, and that is why you’ll lose this war. Underestimating the enemy through blind, stupid prejudice.
— Lost in Time
WYCKHAM: Right now the glorious German fleet is preparing to depart harbours all along the Dutch and Belgian coast.
KOENIG: And your so-called British Intelligence will not suspect until it is far too late.
GEORGE: We know. Clyde and me.
WYCKHAM: And what can two schoolboys do?
CLYDE: You’d be surprised. I’ve taken on bigger loonies than you lot. I’ve fought hideous bug eyed monsters, and I’ve defeated them all with this.
(He holds out his mobile phone, playing "Pass Out" by Tinie Tempah.)
DOCTOR: Amy, this is, well, she’s my TARDIS. Except she’s a woman. She’s a woman, and she’s my TARDIS.
AMY: She’s the TARDIS?
DOCTOR: And she’s a woman. She’s a woman and she’s the TARDIS.
AMY: Did you wish really hard?
— The Doctor’s Wife
DORIUM: Oh, dear God. That’s the attack prayer!
— Dorium Maldovar, A Good Man Goes to War
RORY: We’re dead, aren’t we.
AMY: Eh?
RORY: The lift fell and we’re dead.
AMY: Shut up.
RORY: We’re dead. Again.
— Night Terrors
Tags: Sad
DOCTOR: It’s your choice.
RORY: This isn’t fair. You’re turning me into you.
— The Girl Who Waited
RORY: This is your fault.
DOCTOR: I’m so sorry, but, Rory--
RORY: No, this is your fault! You should look in a history book once in a while, see if there’s an outbreak of plague or not!
DOCTOR: That is not how I travel.
RORY: Then I do not want to travel with you!
CLYDE: She was the only friend I had when when you all turned on me. And now she thinks I abandoned her like everyone else, but I haven’t. I won’t, not ever. I will find her.
— Clyde Langer, The Curse of Clyde Langer
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