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Tags: Funny
DOCTOR: You know Tegan, sometimes I wonder how well I'd get along without you.
TEGAN: Thank you.
DOCTOR: Probably quite alright, all things considered. Now, a fresh cup of tea would be terribly useful.
TEGAN: Yeah? Well, you know where the kitchen is.
— Goth Opera
Tags: Thoschei
MISSY: I am your friend.
DOCTOR: Makes no difference.
MISSY: I know it doesn't. I know I'm going to die. I have to say it, the truth. Without hope. Without witness. Without reward. I am your friend.
— Extremis
DOCTOR: My entire understanding of physical space has been transformed! Three-dimensional Euclidean geometry has been torn up, thrown in the air and snogged to death! My grasp of the universal constants of physical reality has been changed forever!
DOCTOR: Sorry. I've always wanted to see that done properly.
— The Husbands of River Song
Tags: Speech
DOCTOR: There's this emperor and he asks this shepherd's boy, how many seconds in eternity? And the shepherd's boy says there's this mountain of pure diamond. It takes an hour to climb it, and an hour to go around it! Every hundred years, a little bird comes and sharpens its beak on the diamond mountain. And when the entire mountain is chiselled away, the first second of eternity will have passed! You must think that's a hell of a long time. Personally, I think that's a hell of a bird.
— Heaven Sent
ELEVENTH DOCTOR: I never forget a face.
CURATOR: I know you don't. And in years to come, you might find yourself revisiting a few. But just the old favourites, eh?
— The Day of the Doctor
Tags: DoctorDonna
DONNA: I made up the perfect man. Gorgeous, adores me, and hardly able to speak a word. What's that say about me?
DOCTOR: Everything. Sorry, did I say everything? I meant to say nothing. I was aiming for nothing. I accidentally said everything.
— Forest of the Dead
DONNA: I can't understand you. How many words? One. One word. Shake. Milk shake. Milk? Milk? No, not milk? Shake, shake, shake. Cocktail shaker. What do you want, a Harvey Wallbanger?
DOCTOR: Harvey Wallbanger?
DONNA: Well, I don't know.
DOCTOR: How is Harvey Wallbanger one word?
— The Unicorn and the Wasp
NARVIN: One thing our President cannot be accused of is incompetence. She may be guilty of compassion, intuition, emotion, honesty, integrity - pragmatism, even. But she is supremely competent. That is the root cause of most of our problems.
— Narvin, The Inquiry
CHARLEY: Come on. Take my hand.
DOCTOR: But we can see now. We don’t need to hold on to each other.
CHARLEY: I know. Take my hand anyway.
— Scherzo
DOCTOR: (Blithely) Yes, I imagine so. It's quite clear that Frederick brought the car into the house, ran himself over with it, and put it back outside before he finally expired
— The Chimes of Midnight
CROWD: [Shouting] All hail Frobisher! All hail the big talking bird!
— The Holy Terror
BREGMAN: You want to go there? Why, for God’s sake?
DOCTOR: I’m half-stupid. On my mother’s side.
— Alien Bodies
DOCTOR: I don't suppose you've completely ignored my instructions and secretly prepared any Nitro Nine, have you?
ACE: What if I had?
DOCTOR: Naturally you wouldn't do anything so insanely dangerous as to carry it around with you, would you?
ACE: Of course not. I'm a good girl. I do what I'm told.
DOCTOR: Excellent. Blow up that vehicle.
— Silver Nemesis
DOCTOR: Ace, give me some of that Nitro Nine that you're not carrying.
— Remembrance of the Daleks
DOCTOR: Change, my dear. And it seems not a moment too soon.
— The Caves of Androzani
MASTER: I know this is going to be hard to believe, Doctor, but for once I mean you no harm.
DOCTOR: Like Alice, I try to believe three impossible things before breakfast. Go on.
— The Five Doctors
DOCTOR: An apple a day keeps the, er... no, never mind.
— Kinda
DOCTOR: Er, excuse me! What I'd like to know. Where did you get those jelly babies?
ROMANA: Same place you get them.
DOCTOR: Where?
ROMANA: Your pocket.
— The Pirate Planet
ROMANA: Newton? Who's Newton?
DOCTOR: Old Isaac? Friend of mine on Earth. He discovered gravity. Well, I say he discovered gravity. I had to give him a bit of a prod.
ROMANA: What did you do?
DOCTOR: Climbed up a tree.
ROMANA: And?
DOCTOR: Dropped an apple on his head.
ROMANA: Ah, and so he discovered gravity.
DOCTOR: No, no, he told me to clear off out of his tree. I explained it to him afterwards at dinner.
DOCTOR: By the time I've called look out, what's your name?
ROMANA: Romanadvoratnelundar.
DOCTOR: By the time I've called that out, you could be dead. I'll call you Romana.
ROMANA: I don't like Romana.
DOCTOR: It's either Romana or Fred.
ROMANA: All right, call me Fred.
DOCTOR: Good. Come on, Romana.
— The Ribos Operation
ROMANA: My name is Romanadvoratnelundar.
DOCTOR: I'm so sorry about that. Is there anything we can do?
FIRST DOCTOR: Ah, there you are. I seem to be stuck up here. Hmm? Hmm? Oh, so you're my replacements. Huh. A dandy and a clown. Have you done anything?
SECOND DOCTOR: Well, we've, er, assessed the situation.
FIRST DOCTOR: Just as I thought. Nothing.
THIRD DOCTOR: Well it's not easy, you know.
— The Three Doctors
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