World War Three

(Transcriber's note - Cabinet scene extended from the version on my old DVD with the aid of Georgia. Thank you.)

[Briefing room]

(The Doctor manages to rip off his ID card.)

DOCTOR: Deadly to humans, maybe.
(And pushes it against the collar around the neck of the revealed Slitheen, enveloping it and Green with the electricity. They don't like it.
Neither does the one in the Cabinet Office or Jackie's kitchen. The Doctor, Rose and Harriet Jones make their escapes, but Jackie is still trapped.)

[The Tyler's flat]

(Mickey enters.)

MICKEY: Jackie!

(He smashes a chair across the back of the Slitheen, grabs Jackie's hands and pulls her out of the kitchen. He stops in the doorway to take a photograph of it on his mobile phone.)

[Entrance hall]

DOCTOR: Oi! If you want aliens, you've got them. They're inside Downing Street. Come on!

(The armed police follow him.)

[Briefing room]

(Green manages to pull the ID card off 'Asquith's' collar, and the electricity stops.)

ASQUITH: Reinstate my disguise. Hurry up! Hurry! Hurry!

(Green helps the Slitheen into the General's skin suit.)

[Corridor]

HARRIET: No, wait. They're still in there. The emergency protocols. We need them.

(The Slitheen chases them through a series of rooms, smashing through the oak doors.)

[Briefing room]

(The Doctor enters with the police just as Green finishes getting Asquith into his skin suit.)

GREEN: Where have you been? I called for help. I sounded the alarm. There was this lightening, this kind of, er, electricity, and they all collapsed.

(The policemen check the bodies. The Welsh Sergeant speaks.)

PRICE: I think they're all dead.
GREEN: That's what I'm saying. He did it! That man there.
DOCTOR: I think you will find the Prime Minister is an alien in disguise. That's never going to work, is it?
POLICEMAN 2: No.
DOCTOR: Fair enough.

(The Doctor runs.)

[Corridor]

(And gets trapped between two lots of armed police.)

ASQUITH: Under the jurisdiction of the Emergency Protocols, I authorise you to execute this man.
DOCTOR: Well, now, yes, you see, er, the thing is, if I was you, if I was going to execute someone by backing them against the wall, between you and me, little word of advice.

(Ding! and a door opens behind the Doctor.)

DOCTOR: Don't stand them against the lift!

(He gets in and goes up.)

[First floor]

(The lift doors open and the Slitheen is there.)

DOCTOR: Hello!

(He distracts the Slitheen so that Rose and Harriet can get past behind it, then closes the lift door again.)

[Sitting room]

(A large settee, a large drinks cabinet, a folding screen by the window to keep out the draughts.)

ROSE: Hide!

(Rose hides behind the cabinet, Harriet behind the screen.)

(The Doctor leaves the lift on the second floor.)

[Corridor by the lift]

ASQUITH: I repeat, the upper floors are under quarantine. You will stay where you are. You will disregard all previous instructions. You will take your orders directly from me.

(The empty lift arrives and Asquith heads for it. Green follows him.)

PRICE: Mister Green, sir. I'm sorry but you've got to come with me. We should evacuate the entire building.
GREEN: Sergeant, have you read the Emergency Protocols?
PRICE: No, sir.
GREEN: Then don't question me. Seal off Number 10, secure the ground floor, and if the Doctor makes it downstairs - shoot on sight!

(Green closes the lift doors.)

PRICE: Well, you heard him. Move out!

[Lift]

ASQUITH: Let the sport begin. (Fart!)
GREEN: I'm getting poisoned by the gas exchange. I need to be naked.
ASQUITH: Rejoice in it. Your body is magnificent.

(Green unzips his body suit, then Asquith does likewise.)

[Sitting room]

(The Slitheen Margaret enters.)

MARGARET: Oh, such fun. Little human children, where are you? Sweet little humeykins, come to me. Let me kiss you better. Kiss you with my big, green lips.

(Rose makes it from the cabinet to behind a curtain.)

[Corridor]

(The Doctor runs down the staircase and hides as the lift arrives on this floor. Two naked Slitheen walk out.)

GREEN: It does us good to hunt. Purifies the blood.
ASQUITH: We'll keep this floor quarantined as our last hunting ground before the final phase.

[Sitting room]

(Slitheens Green and Asquith enter.)

MARGARET: My brothers.
GREEN: Happy hunting?
MARGARET: It's wonderful. The more you prolong it, the more they stink.
ASQUITH: Sweat and fear.
GREEN: I can smell an old girl. Stale bird and brittle bones.
MARGARET: And a ripe youngster, all hormones and adrenalin. Fresh enough to bend before she snaps.

(Margaret pulls back the curtain. Rose screams.)

HARRIET: No! Take me first! Take me!

(The Doctor bursts in with a fire extinguisher. He sprays the male Slitheen with CO2.)

DOCTOR: Out, with me!

(Rose pulls the curtain down over Margaret.)

DOCTOR: Who the hell are you?
HARRIET: Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North.
DOCTOR: Nice to meet you.
HARRIET: Likewise.

(The Doctor uses up the CO2 and they run out.)

[Corridor]

DOCTOR: We need to head to the Cabinet Room.
HARRIET: The Emergency Protocols are in there. They give instructions for aliens.
DOCTOR: Harriet Jones, I like you.
HARRIET: And I like you too.

(The Slitheen chase our heroes through corridors and rooms.)

[Cabinet Room]

(The Doctor grabs a decanter from a side table and stands in the doorway.)

DOCTOR: One more move and my sonic device will triplicate the flammability of this alcohol. Whoof, we all go up. So back off.

(The Slitheen take one step back in the outer office.)

DOCTOR: Right then. Question time. Who exactly are the Slitheen?
HARRIET: They're aliens.
DOCTOR: Yes. I got that, thanks.
GREEN: Who are you, if not human?
HARRIET: Who's not human?
ROSE: He's not human.
HARRIET: He's not human?
DOCTOR: Can I have a bit of hush?
HARRIET: Sorry.
DOCTOR: So, what's the plan?
HARRIET: But he's got a Northern accent.
ROSE: Lots of planets have a north.
DOCTOR: I said hush. Come on. You've got a spaceship hidden in the North Sea. It's transmitting a signal. You've murdered your way to the top of government. What for, invasion?
ASQUITH: Why would we invade this God-forsaken rock?
DOCTOR: Then something's brought the Slitheen race here. What is it?
ASQUITH: The Slitheen race?
GREEN: Slitheen is not our species. Slitheen is our surname. Jocrassa Fel Fotch Pasameer-Day-Slitheen at your service.
DOCTOR: So, you're family.
GREEN: A family business.
DOCTOR: Then you're out to make a profit. How can you do that on a God-forsaken rock?
ASQUITH: Ah, excuse me? Your device will do what? Triplicate the flammability?
DOCTOR: Is that what I said?
ASQUITH: You're making it up.
DOCTOR: Ah, well! Nice try. Harriet, have a drink. I think you're gonna need it.

(Harriet is clutching the Red Box.)

HARRIET: You pass it to the left first.
DOCTOR: Sorry.
ROSE: Thanks.
ASQUITH: Now we can end this hunt with a slaughter.
ROSE: Don't you think we should run?
DOCTOR: Fascinating history, Downing Street. Two thousand years ago, this was marsh land. 1730, it was occupied by a Mister Chicken. He was a nice man. 1796, this was the Cabinet Room. If the Cabinet's in session and in danger, these are about the four most safest walls in the whole of Great Britain. End of lesson.

(The Doctor lifts a small panel by the door and presses a button. Metal shutters crash shut across the windows and doors.)

DOCTOR: Installed in 1991. Three inches of steel lining every single wall. They'll never get in.
ROSE: And how do we get out?
DOCTOR: Ah.

[Outer office]

GREEN: He's safely contained. Now, cut off communications inside that room, then summon the family. It's time we finished with this insane planet for good.

[Downing Street]

ANDREW MARR: And there's still no word from inside Downing Street, though we are getting even more new arrivals. That's group Captain Tennant James of the RAF, though why he's been summoned we've no idea. And that's Ewan McAllister, Deputy Secretary for the Scottish Parliament. And this is most unusual. I'm told that is Sylvia Dillane, Chairman of the North Sea Boating Club. Quite what connects these people, we have no idea.

(Apart from being larger than the average person.)

[Entrance hall]

(The three Slitheen are back in their body suits.)

MARGARET: Group Captain. Delighted you could make it. We're meeting upstairs. (Fart!) That's the spirit. Off you go. Good to see you. Come on through.
ASQUITH: Ah, Sergeant. Now that the Doctor's been neutralised, the upper levels are out of bounds to everyone.
SERGEANT: Then who are they?
ASQUITH: Need to know, Sergeant. Need to know. I want you to liaise with Communications. The acting Prime Minister will be making a public address. He will speak to the nations of the world.

[Cloak room]

(Sylvia goes into the blue lit toilets, while Margaret gets a coat hanger from a rack.)

MARGARET: There you are. If you'd just like to go through and get changed.

(She takes a skin suit off an emerging Slitheen, who used to be Group Captain James.)

MARGARET: Now, if you'd like to head down to the end of the corridor, it's first on the left.
JAMES: Thank you.

[Mickey's flat]

JACKIE: Got anything stronger?
MICKEY: No chance. I've seen you when you've had a few. This ain't time for a conga.
JACKIE: We've got to tell someone.
MICKEY: Who do we trust? For all we know, they've all got big bog monsters inside of them. I mean, this is what he does, Jacks, that Doctor bloke. Everywhere he goes, death and destruction, and he's got Rose in the middle of it.
JACKIE: Has he got a great big green thing inside him, then?
MICKEY: I wouldn't put it past him. But like it or not, he's the only person who knows how to fight these things.
JACKIE: I thought I was going to die.

(Jackie starts crying. Mickey gives her a quick, awkward hug.)

MICKEY: Come on, yeah? If anyone's going to cry, it's going to be me. Now, you're safe in my flat, Jacks. No one's going To look for you here, especially since you hate me so much.
JACKIE: You saved my life. God, that's embarrassing.
MICKEY: You're telling me.
JACKIE: He wanted me dead. And he's still out there, Mickey. That policeman. That thing.

[Powell Estate]

(And back in his skin suit.)

STRICKLAND: Right, you head off. Inform Control I have got one or two things that still need doing. I haven't quite finished with Mrs Tyler yet.

[Cloak room]

McALLISTER: Soon.
GREEN: Oh yes, soon.

(McAllister clumps away.)

GREEN: Is that all of us?
MARGARET: All the family except Sip Fel Fotch. He's found a hunt of his own.
GREEN: Ah!

[Cabinet Room]

(The Doctor drags Ganesh's body into a small store room, where the late Anthony Blair is also laid out.)

DOCTOR: What was his name?
HARRIET: Who?
DOCTOR: This one. The secretary or whatever he was called.
HARRIET: I don't know. I talked to him. I brought him a cup of coffee. I never asked his name.
DOCTOR: Sorry. Right, what have we got? Any terminals, anything?
ROSE: No. This place is antique. What I don't get is, when they killed the Prime Minister, why didn't they use him as a disguise?
DOCTOR: He's too slim. They're big old beasts. They need to fit inside big humans.
ROSE: But the Slitheen are about eight feet. How do they fit inside?
DOCTOR: That's the device around their necks. Compression field. Literally shrinks them down a bit. That's why there's all that gas. It's a big exchange.
ROSE: Wish I had a compression field. I could fit a size smaller.
HARRIET: Excuse me, people are dead! This is not the time for making jokes.
ROSE: Sorry. You get used to this stuff when you're friends with him.
HARRIET: Well, that's a strange friendship.
DOCTOR: Harriet Jones. I've heard that name before. Harriet Jones. You're not famous for anything, are you?
HARRIET: Oh, hardly.
DOCTOR: Rings a bell. Harriet Jones?
HARRIET: Lifelong backbencher I'm afraid, and a fat lot of use I'm being now. The Protocols are redundant. They list the people who could help and they're all dead downstairs.
ROSE: Hasn't it got, like, defence codes and things? Couldn't we just launch a nuclear bomb at them?
HARRIET: You're a very violent young woman.
ROSE: I'm serious. We could.
HARRIET: Well, there's nothing like that in here. Nuclear strikes do need a release code, yes, but it's kept secret by the United Nations.
DOCTOR: Say that again.
HARRIET: What, about the codes?
DOCTOR: Anything. All of it.
HARRIET: Well, the British Isles can't gain access to atomic weapons without a Special Resolution from the UN.
ROSE: Like that's ever stopped them.
HARRIET: Exactly, given our past record. And I voted against that, thank you very much. The codes have been taken out of the government's hands and given to the UN. Is it important?
DOCTOR: Everything's important.
HARRIET: If we only knew what the Slitheen wanted. Listen to me. I'm saying Slitheen as if it's normal.
ROSE: What do they want, though?
DOCTOR: Well, they're just one family, so it's not an invasion. They don't want Slitheen World They're out to make money. That means they want to use something. Something here on Earth. Some kind of asset.
HARRIET: Like what, gold? Oil? Water?
DOCTOR: You're very good at this.
HARRIET: Thank you.
DOCTOR: Harriet Jones. Why do I know that name?

(Phone beep)

ROSE: Oh, that's me.
HARRIET: But we're sealed off. How did you get a signal?
ROSE: He zapped it. Super phone.
HARRIET: Then we can phone for help. You must have contacts.
DOCTOR: Dead downstairs, yeah.
ROSE: It's Mickey.
DOCTOR: Oh, tell your stupid boyfriend we're busy.
ROSE: Yeah, he's not so stupid after all.

(Mickey has sent them a photo of a Slitheen.)

[Mickey's flat]

(Mickey is on the phone.)

MICKEY: No, no, no, no, no. Not just alien, but like, proper alien. All stinking, and wet, and disgusting. And more to the point, it wanted to kill us!
JACKIE: I could've died!

[Cabinet Room]

ROSE: Is she all right, though? Don't put her on, just tell me.

(The Doctor takes Rose's phone.)

DOCTOR: Is that Ricky? Don't talk, just shut up and go to your computer.

[Mickey's flat]

MICKEY: It's Mickey, and why should I?
DOCTOR [OC]: Mickey the Idiot, I might just choke

[Cabinet Room]

DOCTOR: Before I finish this sentence, but, er, I need you.

[Mickey's flat]

(Mickey is hacking into the UNIT website.)

MICKEY: It says password.

[Cabinet Room]

(The Doctor plugs the mobile phone into the conference phone speaker.)

DOCTOR: Say again.
MICKEY: It's asking for the password.
DOCTOR: Buffalo. Two Fs, one L.

[Mickey's flat]

JACKIE: So, what's that website?
MICKEY: All the secret information known to mankind. See, they've known about aliens for years.

[Cabinet Room]

MICKEY [OC]: They just kept us in the dark.
DOCTOR: Mickey, you were born in the dark.

[Mickey's flat]

ROSE [OC]: Oh, leave him alone.
MICKEY: Thank you. Password again.

[Cabinet Room]

DOCTOR: Just repeat it every time.

(Mickey hands the phone to Jackie.)

DOCTOR: Big Ben - why did the Slitheen go and hit Big Ben?
HARRIET: You said to gather the experts, to kill them.
DOCTOR: That lot would've gathered for a weather balloon. You don't need to crash land in the middle of London.
ROSE: The Slitheen are hiding, but then they put the entire planet on Red alert.

[Mickey's flat]

ROSE [OC]: What would they do that for?
JACKIE: Oh, listen to her.

[Cabinet Room]

ROSE: At least I'm trying.

[Mickey's flat]

JACKIE: Well, I've got a question, if you don't mind.

[Cabinet Room]

JACKIE [OC]: Since that man walked into our lives, I have been attacked

[Mickey's flat]

JACKIE: In the streets. I have had creatures from the pits of hell

[Cabinet Room]

JACKIE [OC]: In my own living room, and my daughter disappear off the face of the Earth.
ROSE: I told you what happened.

[Mickey's flat]

JACKIE: I'm talking to him. 'Cos I've seen this life of yours, Doctor.

[Cabinet Room]

JACKIE [OC]: And maybe you get off on it, and maybe you think it's all clever and smart, but you tell me.

[Mickey's flat]

JACKIE: Just answer me this. Is my daughter safe?

[Cabinet Room]

ROSE: I'm fine.
JACKIE: Is she safe?

[Mickey's flat]

JACKIE: Will she always be safe? Can you promise me that?

[Cabinet Room]

JACKIE [OC]: Well, what's the answer?

[Mickey's flat]

(Mickey takes back the phone.)

MICKEY: We're in.

[Cabinet Room]

DOCTOR: Now then, on the left at the top, there's a tab, an icon. Little concentric circles. Click on that.

[Mickey's flat]

(The screen changes from a map of the world to an oscilloscope reading, with sound.)

MICKEY: What is it?

[Cabinet Room]

DOCTOR: The Slitheen have got a spaceship in the North Sea and it's transmitting that signal. Now hush, let me work out what it's saying.

[Mickey's flat]

JACKIE: He'll have to answer me one day.
MICKEY: Hush!

[Cabinet Room]

DOCTOR: It's some sort of message.
ROSE: What's it say?
DOCTOR: Don't know. It's on a loop, keeps repeating.

(Mickey's doorbell rings.)

DOCTOR: Hush!

[Mickey's flat]

MICKEY: That's not me. Go and see who that is.
JACKIE: It's three o'clock in the morning.
MICKEY: Well, go and tell them that.

[Cabinet Room]

DOCTOR: It's beaming out into space, who's it for?

[Mickey's flat]

JACKIE: All right!

(Jackie opens the front door.)

STRICKLAND: Mrs Tyler.

(She slams it shut again and runs back to Mickey.)

JACKIE: It's him! It's the thing, it's the Slipeen!
MICKEY: They've found us.

[Cabinet Room]

DOCTOR: Mickey, I need that signal.
ROSE: Never mind the signal, get out! Mum,

[Mickey's flat]

(Mickey grabs a handy baseball bat.)

ROSE [OC]: Just get out! Get out!
MICKEY: We can't. It's by the front door.

(Outside, it starts to unzip its body suit.)

MICKEY: Oh, my God, it's unmasking. It's going to kill us.

[Cabinet Room]

HARRIET: There's got to be some way of stopping them! You're supposed to be the expert, think of something!
DOCTOR: I'm trying!

[Mickey's flat]

MICKEY: I'll take it on, Jackie. You just run. Don't look back.

[Cabinet Room]

MICKEY [OC]: Just run.

(Sounds of the front door splintering.)

ROSE: That's my mother.
DOCTOR: Right, If we're going to find their weakness, we need to find out where they're from. Which planet. So, judging by their basic shape, that narrows it down to five thousand planets within travelling distance. What else do we know about them? Information!
ROSE: They're green.
DOCTOR: Yep, narrows it down.
ROSE: Good sense of smell.
DOCTOR: Narrows it down.
ROSE: They can smell adrenalin.
DOCTOR: Narrows it down.
HARRIET: The pig technology.
DOCTOR: Narrows it down.
ROSE: The spaceship in the Thames, you said slipstream engine?
DOCTOR: Narrows it down.

[Mickey's flat]

MICKEY: It's getting in!

[Cabinet Room]

ROSE: They hunt like it's a ritual.
DOCTOR: Narrows it down.
HARRIET: Wait a minute. Did you notice? When they fart, if you'll pardon the word, it doesn't just smell like a fart, if you'll pardon the word, it's something else. What is it? It's more like, er
ROSE: Bad breath!
HARRIET: That's it!
DOCTOR: Calcium decay! Now, that narrows it down!
ROSE: We're getting there, Mum!

[Mickey's flat]

MICKEY: Too late!

[Cabinet Room]

DOCTOR: Calcium phosphate. Organic calcium. Living calcium. Creatures made out of living calcium. What else? What else? Hyphenated surname. Yes! That narrows it down to one planet. Raxacoricofallapatorius!

[Mickey's flat]

MICKEY: Oh, yeah, great. We could write 'em a letter.

(The front door finally falls apart.)

[Cabinet Room]

DOCTOR: Get into the kitchen!

[Mickey's flat]

(They do, and try to barricade the door.)

JACKIE: My God, it's going to rip us apart!

[Cabinet Room]

DOCTOR: Calcium, weakened by the compression field. Acetic acid. Vinegar!
HARRIET: Just like Hannibal!
DOCTOR: Just like Hannibal. Mickey, have you got any vinegar?

[Mickey's flat]

MICKEY: How should I know?

[Cabinet Room]

DOCTOR: It's your kitchen.
ROSE: Cupboard by the sink, middle shelf.

[Mickey's flat]

(Jackie takes the phone.)

JACKIE: Oh, give it here. What do you need?
DOCTOR [OC]: Anything with vinegar!

(Jackie grabs a large jug and starts pouring stuff in.)

JACKIE: Gherkins. Yeah, pickled onions. Pickled eggs.

[Cabinet Room]

DOCTOR: And you kiss this man?

(The Slitheen breaks in. Jackie throws the vile contents of the jug over it. It stops, farts, then explodes, redecorating the kitchen in green innards.)

ROSE: Hannibal?
HARRIET: Hannibal crossed the Alps by dissolving boulders with vinegar.
ROSE: Oh. Well, there you go then.

(They all toast the moment with a glass of port from the decanter.)

[Entrance lobby]

ASQUITH: He's dead. Sip Fel Fotch Pasameer-Day-Slitheen is dead.
GREEN: I felt it. How could that happen?
ASQUITH: Somebody must have got lucky.
GREEN: That's the last piece of luck anyone on this rock will ever have.

[Downing Street]

(Green and Asquith go outside to make the promised broadcast.)

GREEN: Ladies and gentlemen, nations of the world, humankind. The greatest experts in extra-terrestrial events came here tonight. They gathered in the common cause, but the news I bring you now is grave indeed.

[Mickey's flat]

GREEN [on TV]: The experts are dead, murdered right in front of me by alien hands. Peoples of the Earth, heed my words. These visitors do not come in peace.
MICKEY: Listen to this.

(He holds the phone in front of the television.)

GREEN [on TV]: Our inspectors have searched the sky above our heads

[Downing Street]

GREEN: And they have found massive weapons of destruction

[Cabinet Room]

GREEN [OC]: Capable of being deployed within forty five seconds.
DOCTOR: What?

[Downing Street]

GREEN: Our technicians can baffle the alien probes, but not for long.

[Cabinet Room]

GREEN [OC]: We are facing extinction, unless we strike first.

[Mickey's flat]

GREEN [OC]: The United Kingdom stands directly beneath the belly of the mother ship.

[Downing Street]

GREEN: I beg of the United Nations, pass an emergency resolution. Give us the access codes. A nuclear strike at the

[Cabinet Room]

GREEN [OC]: Heart of the beast is our only chance of survival

[Downing Street]

GREEN: Because from this moment on it is my solemn duty to inform you planet Earth is at war.

[Cabinet Room]

DOCTOR: He's making it up. There's no weapons up there, there's no threat. He just invented it.
HARRIET: Do you think they'll believe him?
ROSE: They did last time.
DOCTOR: That's why the Slitheen went for spectacle. They want the whole world panicking, because you lot, you get scared, you lash out.
ROSE: They release the defence code
DOCTOR: And the Slitheen go nuclear.
HARRIET: But why?

(The Doctor opens the metal shutters.)

DOCTOR: You get the codes, release the missiles, but not into space because there's nothing there. You attack every other country on Earth. They retaliate, fight back. World War Three. Whole planet gets nuked.
MARGARET: And we can sit through it safe in our spaceship waiting in the Thames. Not crashed, just parked. Only two minutes away.
HARRIET: But you'll destroy the planet, this beautiful place. What for?
DOCTOR: Profit. That's what the signal is beaming into space. An advert.
MARGARET: The sale of the century. We reduce the Earth to molten slag, then sell it piece by piece. Radioactive chucks, capable of powering every cut-price star liner and budget cargo ship. There's a recession out there, Doctor. People are buying cheap. This rock becomes raw fuel.
DOCTOR: At the cost of five billion lives.
MARGARET: Bargain.
DOCTOR: I give you a choice. Leave this planet or I'll stop you.
MARGARET: What, you? Trapped in your box?
DOCTOR: Yes. Me.

(The Doctor closes the shutters on Margaret's laughing face, and she starts to worry.)

[Westminster Bridge]

(Next morning.)

HITCHINSON: Yesterday saw the start of a brave new world. Today might see it end. The streets are deserted. Everyone's home, just waiting, as the future is decided in New York.

[Outside the UN]

WOMAN [OC]: It's midnight here in New York. The United Nations has gathered. England has provided them with absolute proof that the massive weapons of destruction do exist.

[Mickey's flat]

WOMAN [on TV]: The Security Council will be making a resolution in a matter of minutes, and once the codes are released, humanity's first interplanetary war begins.

[Entrance lobby]

GREEN: Sergeant. We'll take the call in the Prime Minister's office. Maintain your positions. Good luck.

[PM's office]

MARGARET: Oh, look at that. The telephone is actually red.

(Green farts as he sits down.)

GREEN: How long till they phone?
ASQUITH: Counting down.

(There is a handful of Smarties by the phone.)

[Mickey's flat]

JACKIE: All right, Doctor. I'm not saying I trust you, but there must be something you can do.

[Cabinet Room]

HARRIET: If we could ferment the port, we could make acetic acid.
ROSE: Mickey, any luck?
MICKEY: There's loads of emergency numbers. They're all on voicemail.
HARRIET: Voicemail dooms us all.
ROSE: If we could just get out of here.
DOCTOR: There's a way out.
ROSE: What?
DOCTOR: There's always been a way out.
ROSE: Then why don't we use it?
DOCTOR: Because I can't guarantee your daughter will be safe.

[Mickey's flat]

JACKIE: Don't you dare. Whatever it is, don't you

[Cabinet Room]

JACKIE [OC]: Dare.
DOCTOR: That's the thing. If I don't dare, everyone dies.
ROSE: Do it.
DOCTOR: You don't even know what it is. You'd just let me?
ROSE: Yeah.
JACKIE [OC]: Please

[Mickey's flat]

JACKIE: Doctor. Please. She's my daughter. She's just a kid.

[Cabinet Room]

DOCTOR: Do you think I don't know that? Because this is my life, Jackie. It's not fun, it's not smart, it's just standing up and making a decision because nobody else will.
ROSE: Then what're you waiting for?
DOCTOR: I could save the world but lose you.
HARRIET: Except it's not your decision, Doctor. It's mine.

[Mickey's flat]

JACKIE: And who the hell are you?

[Cabinet Room]

HARRIET: Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North. The only elected representative in this room, chosen by the people for the people. And on behalf of the people, I command you. Do it.

[PM's office]

GREEN: Victory should be naked!

(Green, Margaret and Asquith unzip their body suits.)

[Cabinet Room]

ROSE: How do we get out?
DOCTOR: We don't. We stay here.

(The Doctor gets the Emergency Protocols from the Red Box.)

[US TV Studio]

WOMAN: The Council is voting. The results should be known any second now.

[Cabinet Room]

DOCTOR: Use the buffalo password. It overrides everything.

[Mickey's flat]

JACKIE: What're you doing?
MICKEY: Hacking into the Royal Navy. We're in. Here it is. HMS Taurean, Trafalgar Class submarine, ten miles off the coast of Plymouth.
DOCTOR [OC]: Right, we need to select a missile.
MICKEY: We can't go nuclear. We don't have the defence codes.

[Cabinet Room]

DOCTOR: We don't need it. All we need's an ordinary missile.

[Mickey's flat]

DOCTOR [OC]: What's the first category?
MICKEY: Sub Harpoon, UGM-A4A.

[Cabinet Room]

DOCTOR: That's the one. Select.

[Mickey's flat]

JACKIE: I could stop you.
MICKEY: Do it, then.
DOCTOR [OC]: You ready for this?
MICKEY: Yeah.

[Cabinet Room]

DOCTOR: Mickey the idiot, the world is in your hands.

[Mickey's flat]

DOCTOR [OC]: Fire.

(Mouse click. Big Whoosh as a missile launches from below the sea and heads for its target.)

JACKIE: Oh, my God.

[Cabinet Room]

HARRIET: How solid are these?
DOCTOR: Not solid enough. Built for short range attack, nothing this big.
ROSE: All right, now I'm making the decision. I'm not going to die. We're going to ride this one out. It's like what they say about earthquakes. You can survive them by standing under a doorframe. Now, this cupboard's small so it's strong. Come and help me. Come on.

(Harriet does, as the missile heads up the Channel.)

[US TV studio]

WOMAN: The vote is in. The Council says yes. They are releasing the codes.

[PM's office]

(All the Slitheen family are gathered.)

GREEN: Ring, damn you.

[Mickey's flat]

MICKEY: It's on radar.

[Cabinet Room]

(Rose and Harriet are emptying the cupboard.)

MICKEY [OC]: Counter defence five five six.
DOCTOR: Stop them intercepting it.

[Mickey's flat]

MICKEY: I'm doing it now.
DOCTOR [OC]: Good boy.

[Cabinet Room]

MICKEY [OC]: Five five six neutralised.

(The Doctor unplugs the phone as the missile heads inland over Seven Sisters.)

[Security office]

PRICE: What do you mean, incoming?

(A man points at the graphic on his computer screen.)

[Entrance hall]

(Price sets off a fire alarm.)

PRICE: Everybody out now! Now!

(He runs up the stairs.)

[PM's office]

GREEN: What the hell is that for?

(Sergeant Price bursts in.)

PRICE: Sir, there's a missile!

(And sees the Slitheen.)

PRICE: Sorry.

(He runs away. The missile approaches the Thames from the south. Jackie watches it pass from Mickey's balcony. Meanwhile, the Slitheen squabble over the body suits.)

SLITHEEN 1: That's mine! You've got mine!
SLITHEEN 2: Disguise me! Disguise me!
SLITHEEN 3: You're the blonde. I want the other one.
SLITHEEN 1: Take it off!

[Downing Street]

(Price fires a shot into the air as his men and the remains of the Downing Street staff run out of the building.)

PRICE: Everybody run!

(The missile begins its descent.)

[Cabinet Room cupboard]

HARRIET: Here we go. Nice knowing you both. Hannibal!

[PM's office]

SLITHEEN: Oh, boll

(KaBOOM! The iconic front door blows off in a fireball. The cupboard shakes then rolls through the remains of the building inside its steel shell.)

[Downing Street]

(The Doctor pushes the steel door off and Harriet steps out.)

HARRIET: Made in Britain.
PRICE: Oh, my God. Are you all right?
HARRIET: Harriet Jones. MP, Flydale North. I want you to contact UN immediately. Tell the ambassadors the crisis is over. They can step down. Go on, tell the news.
PRICE: Yes, ma'am.
HARRIET: Someone's got a hell of a job sorting this lot out. Oh, Lord. We haven't even got a Prime Minister.
DOCTOR: Maybe you should have a go.
HARRIET: Me? Huh. I'm only a back-bencher.
ROSE: I'd vote for you.
HARRIET: Now, don't be silly. Look, I'd better go and see if I can help. Hang on!

(Harriet make her way down the pile of rubble.)

HARRIET: We're safe! The Earth is safe!

[Whitehall]

HARRIET: Sergeant!
DOCTOR: I thought I knew the name. Harriet Jones, future Prime Minister. Elected for three successive terms. The architect of Britain's Golden Age.
HARRIET: The crisis has passed! Ladies and gentlemen, I have something to say to you all here today! Mankind stands tall, proud and undefeated. God bless the human race.

[The Tyler's flat]

(Jackie embraces Rose as the Doctor returns to the TARDIS. A little later -)

HARRIET [on TV]: Mankind stands tall, proud
JACKIE: Harriet Jones. Who does she think she is? Look at her, taking all the credit. Should be you on there. My daughter saved the world!
ROSE: I think the Doctor helped a bit.
JACKIE: All right, then. Him too. You should be given knighthoods.
ROSE: That's not the way he does things. No fuss. He just moves on. He's not that bad if you gave him a chance.
JACKIE: He's good in a crisis, I'll give him that.
ROSE: Oh, now the world has changed. You're saying nice things about him.
JACKIE: Well, I reckon I've got no choice. There's no getting rid of him since you're infatuated.
ROSE: I'm not infatuated.
JACKIE: What does he eat?
ROSE: How do you mean?
JACKIE: I was going to do shepherds pie. All of us. A proper sit down, 'cos I'm ready to listen. I wanna learn about you and him and that life you lead. Only, I don't know, he's an alien. For all I know, he eats grass and safety pins and things.
ROSE: He'll have shepherd pie. You're going to cook for him?
JACKIE: What's wrong with that?
ROSE: He's finally met his match.
JACKIE: You're not too old for a slap, you know. You can go and visit your Gran tomorrow. You'd better learn some French. I told her you were in France. I said you were au-pairing.

(Rose answers her phone. The caller ID says TARDIS calling.)

ROSE: Hello?

[TARDIS]

DOCTOR: Right, I'll be a couple of hours, then we can go.

[The Tyler's flat]

ROSE: You've got a phone?
DOCTOR [OC]: You think I can travel

[TARDIS]

(The Doctor is speaking into a 1970s Trimphone!)

DOCTOR: Through space and time and I haven't got a phone? Like I said, couple of hours. I've just got to send out this dispersal. There you go. That's cancelling out the Slitheen's advert in case any bargain hunters turn up.

[The Tyler's flat]

ROSE: Er, my mother's cooking.

[TARDIS]

DOCTOR: Good. Put her on a slow heat and let her simmer.
ROSE [OC]: She's cooking tea. For us.
DOCTOR: I don't do that.

[The Tyler's flat]

ROSE: She wants to get to know you.

[TARDIS]

DOCTOR: Tough. I've got better things to do.

[The Tyler's flat]

ROSE: It's just tea.

[TARDIS]

DOCTOR: Not to me it isn't.

[The Tyler's flat]

ROSE: She's my mother.

[TARDIS]

DOCTOR: Well, she's not mine.

[The Tyler's flat]

ROSE: That's not fair.

[TARDIS]

DOCTOR: Well, you can stay there if you want, but right now there's this plasma storm brewing in the Horsehead Nebula.

[The Tyler's flat]

DOCTOR [OC]: Fires are burning ten million miles wide.

[TARDIS]

DOCTOR: I could fly the TARDIS right into the heart of it then ride the shock wave all the way out.

[The Tyler's flat]

DOCTOR [OC]: Hurtle right across the sky and end up

[TARDIS]

DOCTOR: Anywhere. Your choice.

[The Tyler's flat]

JACKIE: Rose, I was thinking. I've got that bottle of Amaretto from New Year's Eve. Does he drink?

(Rose is in her bedroom, packing a rucksack.)

JACKIE: I was wondering whether he drinks or not.
ROSE: Yeah, he does.
JACKIE: Don't go, sweetheart. Please don't go.

[Powell Estate]

(Mickey is sitting on a rubbish bin reading the newspaper while the young boy is finishing cleaning off the Bad Wolf tag.)

DOCTOR: Good lad. Graffiti that again and I'll have you. Now, beat it.

(The boy runs off with his bucket and scrubbing brush.)

MICKEY: I just went down the shop, and I was thinking, you know, like the whole world's changed. Aliens and spaceships all in public. And here it is.

(The Evening Standard headline is - Alien Hoax.)

MICKEY: How could they do that? They saw it.
DOCTOR: They're just not ready. You're happy to believe in something that's invisible, but if it's staring you in the face, nope, can't see it. There's a scientific explanation for that. You're thick.
MICKEY: We're just idiots.
DOCTOR: Well, not all of you.
MICKEY: Yeah?
DOCTOR: Present for you, Mickey.

(He gives Mickey a CD.)

DOCTOR: That's a virus. Put it online. It'll destroy every mention of me. I'll cease to exist.
MICKEY: What do you want to do that for?
DOCTOR: Because you're right, I am dangerous. I don't want anybody following me.

(Jackie and Rose come out of the block.)

MICKEY: How can you say that and then take her with you?
DOCTOR: You could look after her. Come with us.
MICKEY: I can't. This life of yours, it's just too much. I couldn't do it. Don't tell her I said that.
JACKIE: I'll get a proper job. I'll work weekends. I'll pass my test, and if Jim comes round again, I'll say no. I really will.
ROSE: I'm not leaving because of you. I'm travelling, that's all, and then I'll come back.
JACKIE: But it's not safe.
ROSE: Mum, if you saw it out there you'd never stay home.
DOCTOR: Got enough stuff?
ROSE: Last time I stepped in there, it was spur of the moment. Now I'm signing up. You're stuck with me.

(Rose gives the Doctor her rucksack and goes to Mickey.)

ROSE: Come with us. There's plenty of room.
DOCTOR: No chance. He's a liability, I'm not having him on board.
ROSE: We'd be dead without him.
DOCTOR: My decision is final.
ROSE: Sorry.

(Rose and Mickey kiss goodbye.)

MICKEY: Good luck, yeah.
JACKIE: You still can't promise me. What if she gets lost? What if something happens to you, Doctor, and she's left all alone standing on some moon a million light years away. How long do I wait then?
ROSE: Mum, you're forgetting. It's a time machine. I could go travelling around suns and planets and all the way out to the edge of the universe, and by the time I get back, yeah, ten seconds would have passed. Just ten seconds. So stop worrying. See you in ten seconds' time, yeah?

(Jackie and Rose hug, then Rose follows the Doctor into the TARDIS. Mickey gives a little wave. The TARDIS dematerialises. Jackie looks at her watch.)

JACKIE: Ten seconds.

(Jackie goes back to the flats. Mickey carries on reading the newspaper.)

Transcript originally provided by Chrissie. Adapted by TARDIS.guide. The transcripts are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.

Back to top