Wild Blue Yonder

[England 1666 (Woolsthorpe Manor)]

MERRIDEW: Ah! 'Tis a glorious day, sir.
NEWTON: England at its finest. I think I shall hie me to yonder apple tree, there to contemplate the mysteries of God's universe.
MERRIDEW: Well, don't come back until you've had a very good idea, sir.
NEWTON: I shan't. Good day, Mrs Merridew.

[Orchard]

(Sitting under a tree, writing in a notebook with a quill, when an apple drops, hitting him.)

NEWTON: Ow! Of course.

(The TARDIS whooshes overhead, sending all the apples dropping from the tree.)

NEWTON: Odsbodkins. What the devil?

(The TARDIS is parked on top of the tree.)

DOCTOR: Oh! Sorry. We're just slightly out of control. My friend Donna… This is Donna, Donna Noble.
DONNA: Hi!
DOCTOR: She just dropped some coffee into the console.
DONNA: But don't worry, he's got a time machine, which means he can blame me for all eternity.
DOCTOR: I just need to triangulate. Could you tell me what year this is?
NEWTON: It's 1666.
DOCTOR: Oh! Stay away from London. Wait a minute. Apple tree, apple, man holding an apple in 1666? Are you…Sir Isaac Newton?
NEWTON: Sir Isaac?
DOCTOR: Oh! Not yet. Spoilers.
DONNA: Have you got the controls set to "famous", or what?
DOCTOR: If I had controls, thank you.
DONNA: But it's got to be said, Mister Isaac Newton, that you above all others can appreciate…
DOCTOR: Oh no, don't.
DONNA: You can appreciate…
DOCTOR: Really, really don't.
DONNA: Oh, come on! You can appreciate…
BOTH: The gravity of the situation.

(Bang inside the TARDIS.)

DONNA: Oh!
DOCTOR: Sorry, got to go. Bye!

(The TARDIS flies off again.)

NEWTON: What was that delightful word? Savity… Havity… Mavity!

[Compartment]

(The TARDIS whooshes into a metal compartment. Donna comes out.)

DONNA: I have never, ever…
DOCTOR: Out of the way!

(A huge gout of flame comes out of the TARDIS. The military march 'Wild Blue Yonder' is playing, then stops as the flames die out and the TARDIS door closes.)

DONNA: Is it…? Is it all right? Is it broken? Is it knackered?
DOCTOR: Er…

(He opens the door. The Cloister Bell is tolling. He shuts it again, a wisp of smoke escaping.)

DOCTOR: Oh…
DONNA: Is it bad?
DOCTOR: Oh. It was brand-new.
DONNA: Sorry.
DOCTOR: Not your fault.
DONNA: Yes, it was. But can we fly? Can you fix it? Can we get back home?
DOCTOR: We can do anything! Sonic screwdriver. And a non-sonic screwdriver.
DONNA: I think a non-sonic screwdriver is called a screwdriver.
DOCTOR: Thank you. But if I can just… reconfigure… This old box can regenerate itself if I can just click it into gear.
DONNA: Am I going mad, or did the TARDIS play Wide Blue Yonder?
DOCTOR: Yeah, it did, didn't it?
DONNA: What for?
DOCTOR: I wonder.
DONNA: We sang that in the choir in primary school. We'd have a little concert every Christmas. But Gramps complained. He said, "You shouldn't be teaching children that. It sounds all jaunty and fun but it's not. It's the military going to war."
DOCTOR: Yeah, it's the Air Force. The words are Wild Blue Yonder, which means the TARDIS played us a war song. There! Now… it can rebuild.

(The sonic screwdriver is in the lock.)

DOCTOR: Oh. Okay? Yes?
DONNA: Is it working?
DOCTOR: I think so. That's strange. (The blue light comes on.) There you go! Mending, mending, mending. Give it a bit of time. So, now, I wonder where we are. Feels like… a spaceship? Yeah?
DONNA: Yeah.
DOCTOR: Flight.
DONNA: Spaceship.
DOCTOR: Let's just see.

[Spaceship]

(A long straight walkway through a space with rounded walls. Plenty of hydraulic struts and triangular pattern on the floor. There is a tiny dot in the distance.)

DOCTOR: Wow! Nice!
DONNA: Big.
DOCTOR: Very big.
DONNA: I'd hate to be the cleaner.
DOCTOR: Look. Hello! We just landed. By accident. I hope that's okay.
DONNA: Is it a person or a thing?
DOCTOR: We could take a look.
DONNA: Or we could stay here, wait for the TARDIS to mend itself so I can get back home. My family is waiting for me. Yeah, all right.
DOCTOR: Yeah.
DONNA: Still, wherever we are, could be worse. We've got air, we've got light, we've got mavity.
DOCTOR: Yeah.

(They are being watched as they walk along.)

DONNA: Was it me, or was Isaac Newton hot?
DOCTOR: He was, wasn't he? He was so hot. Oh! Is that who I am now?
DONNA: Well, it was never that far from the surface, mate. I always thought…

(The TARDIS engines start up, they run back.)

[Compartment]

(The TARDIS dematerialises.)

DOCTOR: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
DONNA: What? You can get it back, though. Doctor, you can get it back. Doctor, you can get the TARDIS back, can't you? Use the sonic.
DOCTOR: It was in the keyhole.
DONNA: But…you can whistle. You could snap your fingers. You could summon it. Just use that stupid head of yours and get it back. Oh, don't you look at me like that. It's your fault. I said, let's stay here, but you had to wander off.
DOCTOR: You wandered with me!
DONNA: Oh, like I could stop you!
DOCTOR: You spilt the coff… No.
DONNA: No.
DOCTOR: I'm sorry.
DONNA: No. Okay, fine. Oh, my God, where are we? Rose is waiting.
DOCTOR: I will get you home.
DONNA: How?
DOCTOR: There is one hope. A mechanism on board the TARDIS called the HADS. Hostile Action Displacement System. If the TARDIS is in danger, it goes away.
DONNA: Goes where?
DOCTOR: Anywhere. And it only comes back once the danger is gone. I turned it off years ago. I mean, I'd never land anywhere. Once spent three years in orbit, I thought, oh, hmm, turn off the HADS. But if the TARDIS is rebuilding itself, maybe it clicked back on.
DONNA: But that means we've landed in the middle of hostile action.
DOCTOR: Yeah.
DONNA: There's something on this ship that's so bad the TARDIS ran away?
DOCTOR: Yes.
DONNA: Then… we go… and kick its arse!

[Spaceship]

DONNA: She was very put out, Mrs Bean.
DOCTOR: Mrs Bean?
DONNA: Head of the choir. She said, "It's not a war song. It's jolly." That's what she said. "It is jolly."
DOCTOR: Mrs Bean?
TANNOY: Fenslaw.

(Some of the struts either side of the walk way move in and out, up and down.)

DONNA: What was that?
DOCTOR: Like circuits moving. Or it's reconfiguring? It becomes…
DONNA: But what was the word? Fenslaw? What's that mean?
DOCTOR: I don't know. The TARDIS translates but now it's gone.
DONNA: No, the TARDIS translates for me. I thought you knew 27 million languages.
DOCTOR: I know 57 billion, 205. But not this one. Unless that was Mister Fenslaw saying his name.
DONNA: It wasn't that.
DOCTOR: It wasn't that, no.
DONNA: Jimbo didn't move. What is that?
DOCTOR: Oh, wait a minute. If I'm right…

(He steps on a small tile in the walkway, the floor opens up and a grav-buggy pops up.)

DOCTOR: Your car, milady.
DONNA: Thank you, Parker.

(They drive down to 'Jimbo', which looks a little like the film version of Marvin the Paranoid Android after several thousand millennia of beatings and neglect. With three eyes.)

DOCTOR: Oh, it's a robot. Hello, Jimbo! Can you talk? Have you got basic communications? Fenslaw? Fenslaw. No? Fenslaw. Can you hear me?

(It sounds hollow.)

DOCTOR: Have you got controllers listening? Hello! I'm the Doctor. This is Donna. We need help. We need to…

(It takes one step forward.)

DONNA: Is that it?
DOCTOR: One step at a time.
DONNA: What is it? Maybe it's an invader. Maybe that's the hostile action.
DOCTOR: I think it's just old. It's primitive, if you don't mind me saying so, Jimbo. Someone got a very old robot out of storage to walk very slowly down a very long corridor. Why?
DONNA: Maybe… time slowed down?
DOCTOR: No. I'd feel it in me bones. Stay there, Jimbo. No sudden moves. Onwards?
DONNA: Mmm hmm. Ah! I've got it.

(Her turn to drive.)

DONNA: Allons - as idiots say - y.

(At the end of the corridor is a door. It opens into the bridge.)

[Bridge]

DOCTOR: Hello? Is anyone home?
DONNA: Well, definitely a spaceship. If that's space.
DOCTOR: We've got a chair. That's a good sign. It's a lifeform with a bum. If I can translate their basic one to ten, I can find out where we are. And when. And why. One, two… three, four, five… Ah. Six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Now I can read the base code. So, life signs. None. Just an empty chair.
DONNA: Where have they all gone?
DOCTOR: The spaceship seems to have powered down. Basic functions ticking over. Oh! Someone opened an airlock door. Three years ago. And then it closed.
DONNA: What for? Has the whole ship been empty for three years?
DOCTOR: I don't know. Those numbers are lenses. There's a camera, like a drone. We can see where we are.

(A drone is released from its pod and travels down the length of the modular vessel.)

DOCTOR: Oh ho! Well, it's definitely a spaceship.
DONNA: What kind of spaceship?
DOCTOR: Don't know.

(The drone turns to face them.)

DOCTOR: Ah! Hello!
DONNA: But… if we're in space… There's no stars. Where are the stars?
DOCTOR: We could be inside a dust cloud or a… mavity well, or… Oh.
DONNA: What?
DOCTOR: No, it's fine. The ship… is lost. It fell through a wormhole.
DONNA: Ending up where?
DOCTOR: Oh, I'm sorry, Donna. The TARDIS was out of control. It's taken us… to the edge of the universe.
DONNA: So, what's out there?
DOCTOR: Well… that's difficult. For you. Because if the universe is everything, then the concept of an everything having an edge is… kind of impossible. But that's the language of 21st century Earth and you don't know anything yet. Not being rude, you just don't. When you discover Camboolian flat mathematics, you'll discover it's possible.
DONNA: What?
DOCTOR: That. Nothing… at the edge of creation. Absolute nothingness.
DONNA: But starlight travels. You can stand in my garden and look at the light from stars a billion miles away. So where's the light?
DOCTOR: Over there. Just hasn't reached us yet. If we flew in that direction, it would take 100 trillion years to reach your house.
DONNA: That's my family over there.
DOCTOR: I've never been this far out. To stand here like this, physically, unprotected, right on the edge. No one ever has. Not ever. Till us. And this ship.
DONNA: And an airlock door that opened three years ago… and closed.
DOCTOR: Yeah.

(Loud noise, they run out.)

[Spaceship]

DOCTOR: Must have been just settling.
DONNA: You said no signs of life. Are you absolutely certain?
TANNOY: Coliss.

(More redecoration, Jimbo takes another step forward.)

DOCTOR: It said fenslaw and coliss. Like a list, or a solicitors. Or a countdown. Or instructions.
DONNA: Or a warning.
DOCTOR: Slow warning.

[Red room]

(Down the corridor to starboard.)

DOCTOR: I think… this way. Yes! Baseplate repetition filaments. Ah. If we move one up…

(Takes a rectangle out of a drawer. It drips.)

DONNA: Is that stuff dangerous?
DOCTOR: No. I don't think so.

(Sniffs and tastes it.)

DOCTOR: No. Oh…

(Choking.)

DONNA: Doctor!
DOCTOR: No. (laughs - he was joking) Clip it into the foldback. Can you do that? Take all the rectangles, move them up there.
DONNA: What does that do?
DOCTOR: The ship's on neutral, for some reason. It's just idling. We need to get it back on full power.
DONNA: Well, don't leave me on my own.
DOCTOR: Donna, there is no-one else on board this ship.
DONNA: Hostile action, remember? And what's that?
DOCTOR: A noise.
DONNA: Oh, well, you're very helpful. Go on, then. And hurry back, you little streak.

[Side corridor]

DOCTOR: I need to find a spindle. That's not like wool, it's a water pivot.

[Watery room]

DOCTOR: That's it! Can you still hear me?

[Red room]

DONNA: No.
DOCTOR [OC]: Good, good. Won't be long.

(The Doctor returns.)

DONNA: Did it just get cold?
DOCTOR: I think so.
DONNA: I was thinking… And let me finish, okay? I know I sound daft, but… I wonder how long they'll wait, Rose and Shaun and my mother. Standing there in that alley… waiting for the TARDIS to come back. What if we never do? And then time will pass. Rose will grow up, she'll have a life. She might go back to that alley once a year for old times' sake, but she'll move on. Not Shaun, though. He'll keep going back every single day. He's nice, you know. He's lovely. I hope you get to know him.
DOCTOR: I hope so too.

[Watery room]

(Donna enters.)

DOCTOR: It's getting cold. I hope I haven't turned the heating off by mistake. You were fast.
DONNA: I did what you said.
DOCTOR: Give me a minute. I've got to get… exactly the right millilitre.

[Red room]

(But Donna and the Doctor are also still here...)

DOCTOR: And Wilf, your grandfather? What would he do?
DONNA: Oh, him? He would install himself with a sleeping bag and a Thermos and he would sit there for ever, calling you everything, wouldn't he?
DOCTOR: He's lovely, Wilf. Such a nice man. I'd love to see him again.

[Watery room]

DOCTOR: It's funny, cos I wonder where the TARDIS goes at random. Maybe it lands on some outcrop by the sea. And there's a tribe and they worship it for 100 years. Then they grow up and try to burn it. Then they get wise. They preserve it. Then they build a city all around it, till the TARDIS is just a tiny little dot, surrounded by skyscrapers and monorails. Time passes and the city falls. It all gets swept away. And there's the TARDIS… still on its outcrop… by the sea. She's the only thing I've got left.
DONNA: Do you miss home? Gallifrey?
DOCTOR: I suppose. I mean, yes, but… No, it got complicated. It's the least of our problems right now.

[Red room]

DONNA: Do you think they have a kitchen in this place? Do they have food?
DOCTOR: My arms are too long.
DONNA: Yeah. Well. I skipped dinner last night cos of you and the Meep.
DOCTOR: Oh, we get hungry, don't we?

[Watery room]

DOCTOR: Strange. This system should be swimming by now. Those rectangles, did you move all of them up?
DONNA: My arms are too long.
DOCTOR: Yeah, I suppose it is a bit fiddly. Could you pop back and finish it?
DONNA: My arms are too long.
DOCTOR: Okay. You all right?
DONNA: My arms are too long. Look.

(Her hand hits the floor.)

DOCTOR: It's okay, I'm here. I've got you. Whatever this is, we can… Are you Donna?

[Red room]

DOCTOR [OC]: Donna? Donna, are you there?
DONNA: How are you…?

(The Not-Doctor is dragging his huge arms on the floor.)

NOT-DOCTOR: I don't know why, but the arms are so very difficult.
DOCTOR [OC]: Donna? Are you there?

[Spaceship]

DONNA: What are they?
DOCTOR: They're us.
DONNA: They're not us.
NOT-DOCTOR: The notion of shape is strange.
NOT-DONNA: It limits. It is limiting.
DOCTOR: Okay, whatever shape you want to take, that's fine. You can do whatever you want. I just want to say it's very nice to meet you. I'm the Doctor, this is Donna.
DONNA: So are they.
DOCTOR: If you can just get those bodies to calm down, we can talk. That'll be nice, don't you think?
DONNA: They're looking at us like food.
NOT-DOCTOR: Food is interesting, because once I sort out the arms…

(The arms shrink to 'normal' length.)

NOT-DOCTOR: ..then I have a problem with the jaaaaaaw.

(Which plummets to the floor, before it gathers it up again.)

NOT-DONNA: It's the knees. How many knees?
NOT-DOCTOR: Two.
NOT-DONNA: Two in total? Or two on each leg?
DOCTOR: Where did you come from? You're not part of the ship, are you? Did you come from outside?
NOT-DONNA: We came from the nothing.
NOT-DOCTOR: We are not-things.
NOT-DONNA: But you, you're not nothing.
DOCTOR: Oh, I think you'll find we're quite something.

(They leap into the grav-buggy and drive away, chased by giant versions of themselves on hands and knees.)

DONNA: Doctor! Oh, my God, they're growing! Faster!
DOCTOR: I know!

(Not-Doctor grabs hold of the buggy.)

DONNA: No, you don't!

(She uses a metal bar to hit its knuckles.)

DOCTOR: I can't control it!
DONNA: You stupid… big… hand!
DOCTOR: No, no, no, no!

(It lets go and they zoom forwards. Not-Donna swipes at the buggy, sending it spinning. The steering wheel comes away in the Doctor's hands. The buggy comes to a stop as the Not-people grow so big they get stuck in the corridor.)

DONNA: What are they? No, don't.
DOCTOR: Got to see. It's strange enough my face coming back, but not this big.
DONNA: That airlock door three years ago, that's when they got in.
DOCTOR: No-things. No control of shape. No concept of shape or size.
DONNA: How can they get bigger? Cos you only get a certain amount of mass, don't you? Shaun used to complain about that watching Venom films. He'd say, "Where's the extra mass come from?"
DOCTOR: It got colder.
DONNA: Oh yeah, it got colder for me.
DOCTOR: Heat into mass? But they're not just physical copies, they've got our thoughts, too. That other Donna, she mentioned Gallifrey.
DONNA: The other Doctor said Wilf.
DOCTOR: So they've got our memories.
DONNA: Okay, so they're copies with memories and mass, but what I don't get is, why do they hate us? That's my hand.
DOCTOR: They're getting free. We should reason with them, try to make peace, welcome them to our side of the universe… Maybe later. A ladder, do you think? Maybe up there?
DONNA: Let's go!

(Halfway up the wall to a hatch...)

TANNOY: Brate.
DOCTOR: Not now!

(The piece of wall Donna is on slides away.)

DONNA: Doctor!
DOCTOR: It's okay, I'm right here…!

(As his bit of wall rotates him out of sight.)

DONNA: Doctor!
DOCTOR: (behind wall) Donna? Donna!

(Donna is deposited through another hatch.)

[Green access corridor]

DOCTOR [OC]: I'll find you.

[Red access corridor]

DOCTOR: I will find you!
DONNA [OC]: Doctor…
DOCTOR: Don't move. Stay where you are.

[Green access corridor]

DONNA: I came down about two floors. Depending on how big a floor is. And if I keep shouting, they'll find me, so I'll just head up. Yeah? Yeah.

(The Doctor finds a ladder down.)

[Blue access corridor]

DOCTOR: Fenslaw, coliss, brate.

(In the Green access corridor, Donna hears footsteps in the dark. A bulkhead slides across. The Doctor sees his breath.)

DOCTOR: Oh, don't.

(So does Donna. They both exit their corridors.)

[Storeroom]

DOCTOR: Is it…?
DONNA: Are you…? Is that you?
DOCTOR: But it got cold.
DONNA: It got cold for me too. Look, I'm me. I swear I'm really, really me.
DOCTOR: Well, so am I. That's not going to work. Okay. Tell me, how many hearts have I got?
DONNA: Two.
DOCTOR: Well, then it's me. No, hold on, that doesn't work, either.
DONNA: No, but look, I can't stretch it. My arm is not too long. I'm trying. That's all I've got.
DOCTOR: But if you were them, you'd pretend that you couldn't.
DONNA: Well, then pull my arm.
DOCTOR: Yeah, but maybe that's what you want me to do.
DONNA: What for?
DOCTOR: I don't know.
DONNA: Well, then you're not the Doctor, because he knows everything.
DOCTOR: Except for the million times when I don't. And I tell you so, don't I?
DONNA: Well, that's true. Except if I know that's true, then I'm me.
DOCTOR: Okay, well, look, I'll take my tie off.
DONNA: What's that going to prove?
DOCTOR: They might have a different perception of surface. Skin and clothes might be the same thing. So if we meet another Doctor with his tie, that's not me.
DONNA: I reckon you're just making all this up.
DOCTOR: I always do.
DONNA: All right, where was I born?
DOCTOR: You were born in Chiswick.
DONNA: Ah! Well, no, because - strange little fact - I was born in Southampton.
DOCTOR: Yeah, but I didn't know that, cos I never did! And if I didn't know that… then that means I'm real.
DONNA: So where are you from?
DOCTOR: No, we've done that. We talked about that. Back there, out loud. All four of us. You know it's Gallifrey.
DONNA: Except… it's not.
DOCTOR: What do you mean?
DONNA: You don't know where you're from.
DOCTOR: How do you know that? How does anyone know? How does Donna know?
DONNA: Back on Earth, when I was the DoctorDonna, I saw your mind. I've had 15 years without you, and I saw everything that's happened to you since and, oh, my God, it hurt.
DOCTOR: You're saying this to break me down.
DONNA: We haven't stopped to talk. We haven't had a chance. It's always like that with you, running from one thing to the next. I saw it. In your head. The Flux.
DOCTOR: It destroyed half the universe because of me. We stand here now on the edge of creation, a creation which I devastated. So, yes, I keep running. Of course I do. How am I supposed to look back on that?
DONNA: It wasn't your fault!
DOCTOR: I know!
DONNA: I'm sorry.
DOCTOR: Donna, is that you?
DONNA: Yeah.
DOCTOR: All those years, I missed you

(They move towards each other, then Donna's lower half dissolves into black goo.)

NOT-DONNA: I just couldn't keep it together! You are so amazing. We stare at that universe so far away, but you have owned it. You are such a prize. What are ya?

(The Doctor runs. Meanwhile in the identical room...)

DONNA: I was born in Southampton, cos my mum and dad were there for the weekend visiting my Auntie Iris. My mum was nine months pregnant, but would Iris come to her? No, she would not. So I arrived in Southampton, which allowed my mother to say I was a problem from the day I was born. And I've not come to the edge of the universe to discover I'm still dealing with that. So, yes, you can copy my memory, but there's only one person who can understand my family like that, and that is me. I'm definitely Donna. Where's your tie?
NOT-DOCTOR: What?
DONNA: Your tie. Where's it gone?
NOT-DOCTOR: I took it off.
DONNA: I know. It was there, on the floor. So where is it?
NOT-DOCTOR: Oh, I see! When something is gone, it keeps existing.

(He bends over backwards and looks at her between his legs.)

NOT-DOCTOR: Auntie Iris, Mummy and Daddy. Yap, yap, yap, yap, yap. Why does he travel with someone as stupid as you?! Donna-Donna-Donna! Donna!

[Green access corridor]

DONNA: Doctor! Doctor!

[Blue access corridor]

(Meanwhile the Doctor is screaming and kicking at the panels until...)

DOCTOR: Good.

[Green access corridor]

TANNOY: Gilvane.
DONNA: Oh, no.

(Jimbo takes another step forward.)

[Junction]

(The real and nots arrive at the same place. Both Doctors are wearing ties again.)

DONNA: I've got to say, this is the biggest nightmare of my life. But… I look quite good.
NOT-DONNA: I can't argue.
DOCTOR: I just want to talk to you. You, not-Doctor - cos I know you're a fake. I know for a fact. So I want to know why you're doing this.
NOT-DOCTOR: That's what I was going to say!
DOCTOR: Well, you should have been faster, cos that's me, isn't it, fast. Am I fast? Do I talk fast? Yes.
NOT-DOCTOR: But you're a copy of me! You're only fast because I am!
DONNA: Oh, well, I can't follow any of this. And that is proof, because let's not pretend, I'm the stupid one.
NOT-DOCTOR: You think you're stupid?
DONNA: Of course I do.
NOT-DOCTOR: That's very Donna.
DOCTOR: That's so Donna! That's my Donna. Except… Donna does not think she's stupid.
BOTH DONNAS: Oh, I do.
DOCTOR: No. Donna thinks she's stupid, and sometimes… she thinks she's brilliant. She thinks both. Because that's the astonishing thing about people from her planet. They can believe two completely different things at exactly the same time.
DONNA: Brainbox.
DOCTOR: My girl!
DONNA: Thank God!

(The Nots are growing again. The Doctor holds up a salt pot.)

DOCTOR: But…salt! You can't cross salt. In our universe, it is said that vampires, demons and ghosts cannot cross a line of salt until they've counted every single grain. You've got no choice.

(He pours salt on the floor between the couples.)

NOT-DOCTOR: But that's a superstition.
NOT-DONNA: Doesn't mean it's true.
DOCTOR: It's a superstition and it's true. Two things at once.
NOT-DOCTOR: You're lying.
DOCTOR: Then walk towards me. Come on! Stop copying and make your own minds up. Cross the line!
NOT-DONNA: She doesn't believe him.
DONNA: But you said I'm stupid.
NOT-DONNA: And also brilliant.
DONNA: Then which one is it, Donna? Cross the line… or count.

(Not-Donna gets down and starts counting quickly.)

DOCTOR: So tell me, what do you want?
NOT-DOCTOR: You tell us.
DOCTOR: It didn't get cold this time.
DONNA: No, it didn't, did it?
DOCTOR: Which means you're acclimatising. Your arms are a bit too long and your mouths are a bit too wide, but are you stabilising?
DONNA: Like they're becoming us properly.
DOCTOR: I just wonder why.
NOT-DOCTOR: Why-y?
DONNA: Cos the TARDIS will come back for us. They know that. So if they become completely us, the TARDIS will come back for them.
DOCTOR: Is that what you want? Escape?
NOT-DOCTOR: We drifted here, in the lack-of-light, passing no-time. But we would feel it from so far away… your noisy, boiling universe. We want to travel there to play your vicious games and win.
DOCTOR: If you existed here, no shape, no form, no purpose, then what's made you so bad?
NOT-DOCTOR: The things we felt, they shaped us, carrying across the dark. We could hear your lives of war and blood and fury and hate. They made us like this.
DONNA: We are more than that.
NOT-DONNA: Love letters don't travel very far. And neither do your lies

(She blows the salt away. The Nots teeth grow and become fangs.)

TANNOY: Stond.

(The section of wall Donna and the Doctor are up against rotates.)

DONNA: That was lucky.

(And back again.)

DOCTOR: Or not.
DONNA: Run?
DOCTOR: Run!

(A bulkhead cuts off their pursuers.)

[Bridge]

(The Doctor seals the door before the others arrive.)

DONNA: Why? I don't understand why. What are they scaring us for?
DOCTOR: The problem is, ten minutes ago, they'd have ripped that door off its hinges. Now they're just standing there, locking into shape. Almost complete.
DONNA: Yes, but if you just listen to my questions, thank you very much, why are they making us so scared? If they want to copy us, why don't they just sit in a corner and do it? Why terrorise us?
DOCTOR: That's a very good question.
DONNA: Yes. I'm brilliant.
DOCTOR: Why provoke us? Unless that's how it's done! The more scared we are, the more the blood pumps. Hypothalamus, adrenaline. We think faster and faster and faster.
DONNA: It makes us easier to copy.
DOCTOR: Goose bumps like Braille. You're reading us. Is that right?
DONNA: But what do we do? How do we stop them? Stop being scared?
DOCTOR: Like the ship, all ticking over in neutral. Donna… stop thinking.
DONNA: Well, that's easy for me. What about you?
DOCTOR: Just calm. Just cool.
DONNA: Yeah, I'm calm.
DOCTOR: Even calmer.
DONNA: Well, you do it too.
DOCTOR: I am.
DONNA: Stop rattling me.
DOCTOR: Slow. Slow heartbeat. If we're slow, they can't read us.
DONNA: Okay.
DOCTOR: Good. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
DONNA: For how long?
DOCTOR: There's a flaw in the plan.
NOT-DOCTOR: How can you not think on a ship full of questions? Why the empty chair?
NOT-DONNA: Why do the walls keep moving?
NOT-DOCTOR: What are the words in the air?
NOT-DONNA: And why did the airlock open and close three years ago?
DONNA: Don't.
DOCTOR: But…
DONNA: Don't.
DOCTOR: Yes, but…
DONNA: Stop it.

(Clang!)

NOT-DOCTOR: And what is that?
DONNA: Stop thinking.
DOCTOR: Grr! Let me think, let me think, let me think.
BOTH-NOT: Think, think, think, think, think, think, think…
DOCTOR: What is making that noise?

(Opens a viewport in the ceiling.)

DOCTOR: There.

(A figure in a spacesuit, floating and bumping into the spaceship.)

DOCTOR: The captain of the ship, circling round and round forever. Caught in the gravity field.
DONNA: Caught in the what?
DOCTOR: Mavity field.
DONNA: But why? Did they throw him out? Her out. Them out.
DOCTOR: Her. I wonder. Why is the captain outside? Why is she in a spacesuit with no helmet? And why don't you know? I know that face. I know my expressions very, very well, and you don't know. The captain did something you don't understand, but what?
NOT-DOCTOR: Tell us! Tell us! What did she do?
NOT-DONNA: What did the captain do?
NOT-DOCTOR: Tell us!
NOT-DONNA: What did she do?
DOCTOR: They don't know. They really don't know. The questions aren't the test. They need the answers. We're all stuck in a system because of the captain. Oh, what did she do?!
DONNA: Well, if they want the answers, don't tell them.
DOCTOR: You know what my head's like, Donna. Once I start having ideas…
NOT-DOCTOR: Then I have ideas. So the captain…
NOT-DONNA: Tried to stop us. But how?
DONNA: Wait a minute. If they don't know why the captain's outside, the airlock door three years ago, that wasn't them coming in. That was her going out. She killed herself.
BOTH-NOT: But what for?
NOT-DOCTOR: She hid her thoughts.
NOT-DONNA: So we couldn't see.
DOCTOR: Maximised autonomic brain function! Oh, well done, Captain! Because she knew, even with a lost ship, if you were found one day, if you two ever reached the universe, you'd run riot across the stars! And you were already becoming copies of the captain. You'd have owned this spaceship. If you'd copied her perfectly, you could have flown this ship home and started your war. So… she ended her life to hide whatever it is she left behind, because when she died, you hadn't completed her. So you lost everything she knew. Gone.
TANNOY: Ratico.
DONNA: What is that?

(The viewport closes, Jimbo takes another step and moves its hand.)

DOCTOR: That captain, calm as a Zen master, set something in motion to stop those two, and she took her own life so they couldn't work out what she'd done.
NOT-DOCTOR: But you're working it out now.
DOCTOR: No, I'm not.
NOT-DOCTOR: Yes, you are. And so am I. It's all about… slow. We don't understand the slow, so the captain set out to slowly stop us. So the ship is slow, the robot is slow, the words are slow. Is that it?
DOCTOR: No.
NOT-DOCTOR: The words move the walls so the ship is slowly reconfiguring to become a very slow… bomb.
DOCTOR: Bomb.
DONNA: What?!
NOT-DOCTOR: The captain set the self-destruct slowly, so the words are a very… slow… countdown.
DOCTOR: I said so! I said countdown straight away. It's that simple. Oh, I translated the numbers. I never heard them out loud! Fenslaw, coliss, brate means ten, nine, eight.
NOT-DOCTOR: The robot!

(The Doctor stops the bulkhead from letting them go.)

NOT-DOCTOR: We're as clever as you now. That robot won't stop us.

(Competitive button twiddling to get it open and keep it shut.)

DONNA: So, what's the robot?
DOCTOR: The robot is the trigger, a primitive mechanical brain that those two couldn't read, taking three long years to walk down a very long corridor with one slow instruction. Kaboom!
DONNA: The countdown. What number are we on?
DOCTOR: Ratico. That's five. Been counting down for years, but the TARDIS brought us here just in time for the final sequence. We can't let them reach that robot. There's only one way we can stop them.
DONNA: What's that?
DOCTOR: I'm sorry, Donna, but the countdown needs to speed up.
TANNOY: Vandeen.

(A control panel appears next to Jimbo and it turns to operate it.)

DONNA: That's number four!
DOCTOR: I know!
DONNA: But we're still on board!
DOCTOR: I know!

[Spaceship]

NOT-DOCTOR: Stop that robot!
DOCTOR: Don't stop that robot!
DONNA: Would the robot just wait?!
TANNOY: Blinss.
DONNA: That's three!

(Jimbo is ready to press a button. Not-Donna turns to face the Doctor. He knocks her down, so she fights Donna instead.)

DONNA: Oh, this is therapeutic.

(Punches her adversary.)

TANNOY: Sensill.
DONNA: That's two! Whoa!

(Not-Donna grabs her again. The Doctor is gaining on his doppelganger, who goes on all fours for extra speed. The cover lifts on a red button.)

DOCTOR: But… if he runs out of time, the hostile action ends. And a time machine would know!

(The TARDIS materialises and descends, still playing 'Wild Blue Yonder'. The Doctor grabs the sonic screwdriver from the lock and goes in. The Donnas run towards it as he scoots it towards them.)

BOTH: It's me! It's me! It's me! It's me!
TANNOY: One.
BOTH: It said one! The TARDIS translated it!
DOCTOR: Who was the head of the choir?
BOTH: Mrs Bean.
DOCTOR: And why is Mrs Bean funny?
DONNA: Because… it's the… name of a vegetable given to a woman?
NOT-DONNA: It just is!

(The Doctor pulls her into the TARDIS and shuts the door.)

DONNA: No!

(The TARDIS dematerialises.)

DONNA: Doctor, come back! She's not me! I'm me! You've got the wrong one! Don't leave me here!
TANNOY: Tacsladia.
DONNA: Zero.

(Jimbo presses the red button. The explosion starts at one end and slowly rolls towards her.)

[TARDIS]

DOCTOR: Your arms are too long.

(The TARDIS materialises. The Doctor pulls a lever, the entrance walkway tilts and throws Not-Donna out. Donna runs in just in time. The explosion finally reaches the captain. Later…)

DOCTOR: She'd almost completed you. That other Donna was a 99.9% copy. Except I thought, what's wrong? Turned out her wrist had an extra 0.06 millimetres. Obvious, really.
DONNA: The devil's in the details.
DOCTOR: Yeah, isn't it just. Oh, I keep thinking, I wish I hadn't done that thing with the salt.
DONNA: What, the bad luck thing? But that was just a lie.
DOCTOR: Normally, except… I invoked a superstition at the edge of the universe, where the walls are thin and all things are possible. I've just got this feeling.
DONNA: What?
DOCTOR: A feeling of something… which is gone. Fine. Good. Onwards. So, anyway, I was wondering, she said, on the spaceship, that other Donna had your memory. She could remember us as the DoctorDonna, so she could see my life and my mind and my thoughts for the past 15 years. All the time we've been apart, she could remember it. Can you?
DONNA: No. It's too much. It's like looking into a furnace. But I suppose she had a great big outer-space brain, she could make sense of it.
DOCTOR: Yeah, maybe.
DONNA: Why?
DOCTOR: Just wondering.
DONNA: What did she see?
DOCTOR: Oh… things.
DONNA: Like what? Come on. Where have you been since I last saw you? What's happened?
DOCTOR: Oh, you know, the usual. Robots, chases, waterfalls.
DONNA: Oh, okay. But what really happened?
DOCTOR: A lot.
DONNA: You okay?
DOCTOR: I will be.
DONNA: When?
DOCTOR: A million years. Ah! There we are, back home.
DONNA: You timed that to get out of awkward conversations. Where are they? Where's the family?
DOCTOR: Oh. Might be a day or two out.

[Camden Lock]

WILF: Oh! My goodness! Donna!
DONNA: Gramps!
WILF: Oh, my goodness. Donna!
DONNA: I said so!
DOCTOR: Wilfred Mott. Oh, now I feel better. Now nothing is wrong, nothing in the whole wide world! Hello, me old soldier!
WILF: I never thought I'd see you again after all these years. Oh, Doctor, that lovely face! It's like springtime.
DOCTOR: And Donna's got her memory back.
DONNA: Without dying, which I recommend.
WILF: Yeah, well, I knew it. I never lost faith. I said, he won't let us down. He'll come back and save us.
DOCTOR: Save us from what?
DONNA: And where's the family? Where's Rose? Are they all right?
WILF: Yeah, they're fine. They're safe. I've told them to bunker down. I'll keep watch, I said. You save yourselves.
DOCTOR: Why? Is there something wrong?

(A street food cart next to Cyberdog bursts into flames.)

MAN: That's your fault!
DOCTOR: What's going on?

(A group of kitchen workers come out of a building and start fighting each other.)

DONNA: What is it? What's happening?
WILF: It's everybody. It's everything. They're all going mad. Listen, you've got to do something, Doctor. The whole world's coming to an end!

(A passenger jet aeroplane flies low overhead, smoke streaming.)

DOCTOR: Quickly!

(The jet crashes.)

In Loving Memory of Bernard Cribbins 1928-2022

Transcript originally provided by Chrissie. Adapted by TARDIS.guide. The transcripts are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.

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