Apparently, my rating is unusually high. That makes some sense, I guess, since I have a decently high tolerance for bad movies. And from what I’d heard my expectations were six feet under, so I was mildly surprised.

That doesn’t at all mean I think it’s a good movie, though. It’s just… it’s fine if you pretend a twelve year old made it? Which of course is mean to twelve year olds.

It’s not actively bad, it's just such a nothing movie. Most of the actors were just kind of saying lines. Hazel Burrows was alright, though, even if I don’t like the idea of recasting Liz. The plot didn’t make much sense, the music annoyed me, and the visuals were not great. Generally if I laugh when it was trying to be serious, you can assume it’s not a good movie.

Now I think about it, probably the only reason I didn’t give it a half star like the rest of you is I'm not viewing it as a PROBE film. It feels nothing like one, Liz and Patsy aren’t written the same, et cetera. Really I’m just regarding it as bad fanfiction that got filmed. That’s what makes me not super angry at its existence.

One and a half stars. Would have given it two, but the Patsy recast was just so terrible it feels like a personal slight.

Directing, acting, special effects, shot continuity, audio effects, casting, scripting, shot composition, props...

Apparently 20 years is how long it takes to lose all film making skill. I'm trying to think of a single thing that this film did well, and I'm coming up completely blank.

Where the previous four PROBE films had a cast that brings you in, well built suspense and horror, some great shots and effects, this film surprises you by doing, well, not that.

The best moments were the most emotionally important parts of the film because they screwed them up so badly you just couldn't help but laugh. I'm sure this would be a great watch with friends and some beers, but for actually being a compelling story...

1/10

If for some reason you are reading this, please read JayPea's review, it sums up everything I wanna say about it and more.

That being said, this is one of the worst things I've ever seen. The Liz recast was alright, the Patsy recast was abysmal though. I don't know how Baggs lost all of his directing abilities cause the first four movies were not bad, this was just amateur. Really from start to finish it was just... a mess. Camp though!

i wish i could rate it 0 stars. the premise is so interesting, if only the writing was. i could see this being good under another writer and director, but as-is the only thing that made it anything marginally close to worth it was the fact that the gun sfx made me cackle

I have all the time in the world on my hands.

Almost 20 years after its last entry, PROBE finally returned for one final film, sadly, however, it seems the overall quality was lost along the way alongside the tragic death of Caroline John which resulted in a rather unfortunate case of recasting which hurts the film in more ways than one.

When Liz Shaw returns from a working holiday in Spain a new and deeply disturbing case awaits. Corporal 7891 Alpha has outlived his usefulness or rather the government can no longer afford to fund the medication. And that can mean only one thing... termination! At first glance a "government authorised execution" is a simple enough task for the Preternatural Research Bureau (PROBE) team. But as events unfold, and the truth about Corporal 7891 Alpha is revealed, the case becomes far more complex. Only Liz's wealth of experience, courage and determination can save the day — but not before her moral compass is knocked off course.

While the underlying themes of exploring the moral implications of immortality are handled intriguingly, the charm and quality of the storytelling have been lost along the way. The writing has taken a considerable nosedive alongside the acting and overall production. Bill Baggs juggles multiple roles both behind and in front of the camera for this one, acting as director, writer and even starring as one of the main cast in the form of new boy Giles, who would later go on to be the star of the webcasts a few years later. But he seems to be the only one with any passion for his role, everyone else seems to just be sleepwalking through this film from Hazel Burrows as Liz Shaw to Georgette Ellison as Patricia Haggard both of whom while portraying an elderly LGBTQ couple very well have next to no passion or involvement in the plot.

The special effects look even more dated than the 4 films from the 90s, the production values are incredibly amateurish with some really lazy camera work and editing. The biggest praise I can give this film is the rather unique and eerie synth score by Olivia Thomas which is by far and away the most interesting aspect of the film as it successfully builds some semblance of tension.

Overall, When to Die is a very lacklustre and rather embarrassing return for the PROBE series. You can see why they never made another film since it would be very hard to consider this part of PROBE's own timeline to its rather horrifically amateur nature. The increased amount of violence doesn't even warrant anything worthwhile and just comes across as a wannabe edgy drama.

The calm before the storm... we're ready, so where are you?