Warriors of Kudlak

Part One

[Combat 3000]

(Combat 3000, a laser tag game. One boy sees a door opening and goes through it into a bare corridor illuminated by blue and green vertical fluorescent tubes. The door closes behind him. At the end of the corridor a steel door traps him inside, then he vanishes.
In a control room, a bug-eyed alien report to its superior.)
KUDLAK: Mistress, I bring you another.
MISTRESS [OC]: Bring me more. I need more. Many more children!
KUDLAK: It shall be done, Mistress.

[Street]

LUKE: At breakfast times, I am so hungry, I could murder a bowl of cornflakes. Does that make me a cereal killer? You're not laughing.
MARIA: It wasn't very funny.
LUKE: But I've been studying jokes, their structure and history. And that's what you do, you swap words around, so that was a joke.
MARIA: Well, I don't think it'll get you on the telly but, yeah, I guess.
LUKE: So what makes a joke funny? I've read timing's important. How, exactly?
MARIA: I don't know. It's complicated.
LUKE: Is the context important?
MARIA: Why does every single thing with you lead to about five hundred questions? Come on, I want to get a new bag.
LUKE: You've got lots of bags.
MARIA: You can never have too many bags.
LUKE: Another thing I don't understand.
MARIA: Don't worry, you're a guy. You're not meant to.

(Luke looks at the poster outside Combat 3000. A man comes up behind him.)

GRANTHAM: What do you reckon, soldier? Do you think you're man enough to have a go?
LUKE: I have to go shopping.
GRANTHAM: That's kind of answered my question.
MARIA: Come on, Luke.
GRANTHAM: There you go. Cut price vouchers, in case you change your mind.
LUKE: Thank you!
MARIA: Thanks. Come on.

[Office]

GRANTHAM: Posters are up. I'm doing a local radio piece at three, and I've given the half price tickets to a street team to shift. You wait, Mister Kudlak. The last few weeks' takings will be nothing compared to what we've got coming. Oh, guess what? We got a birthday party super mark booked in for tomorrow!
KUDLAK: I grow tired of your talk, Mister Grantham. Just bring me children!

[Lance's bedroom]

CARRIE: This is Lance.

(The upset woman hands Sarah Jane a photograph of the missing boy.)

SARAH JANE: Oh, thank you, Mrs. Metcalf. I can't begin to imagine what the last three days have been like. Are you coping?
CARRIE: I keep thinking my head's going to break. That's what it feels like. I'm on edge every minute, thinking that he'll walk up the path or the police will knock on the door and tell me
SARAH JANE: Children do turn up safe and sound. There's still every chance. Someone may have seen something important without even knowing it. My story might make them realise that and come forward.
CARRIE: I hope so.
SARAH JANE: Has anything like this happened before? I mean, Lance has never run away after an argument?
CARRIE: We never argue. Me and Lance, we've only got each other now. We know that life's too short for rowing.
SARAH JANE: Oh, I see. I'm sorry. Perhaps you could tell me what happened on Saturday.
CARRIE: Nothing happened. Only Lance never came back. He was going out to meet his friend Brandon. They were going down the arcade. He lives for his video games. Only Brandon never saw him on Saturday. Lance never showed up. He just vanished into thin air. Help me get my boy back, Miss Smith, please? Please.

[Attic]

SARAH JANE: Do you mind?
CLYDE: Sorry, Sarah Jane.
LUKE: Clyde was just bugging around with Maria's new bag.
SARAH JANE: I'm sorry?
CLYDE: Mucking. I was mucking around. Or messing, you know? Messing around? You've got to listen to the words, Luke. They're important in slang. You can't improvise.
MARIA: Sorry, we'll get out of your way.
SARAH JANE: No, wait. I've been to see the mother of that boy who went missing. Your friend, Lance Metcalfe, what do you know about him?
CLYDE: Friend? Don't get me wrong, Sarah Jane, I hope he's okay, but the Corporal's only been at our school a couple of months, and he's not really been up for making friends.
SARAH JANE: The Corporal?
MARIA: Lance. Lance Corporal?
SARAH JANE: And did you know his father was in the army? Was killed in Iraq? Nicknames aren't always funny, Clyde. Yeah, well, I hope this boy didn't run away because he was bullied.
CLYDE: Hey, don't get all over me about it. It was Luke made up the nickname.
LUKE: People laughed when I came up with it. I thought that was good.
MARIA: It wasn't Luke's fault. No one knew about Lance's dad. He didn't tell anyone. He didn't have much to do with any of us. Most times, he was too busy with his Nintendo.
LUKE: But I made a joke out of his name. I hurt him. Maybe Lance wanted friends just like I did. Instead, I probably made him run away.
SARAH JANE: Oh no, Luke, you
LUKE: It's all my fault!
SARAH JANE: No, Luke. Luke!

(Luke runs out of the room.)

SARAH JANE: I'd better go and talk to him.
CLYDE: No, let me. I did drop him in it.

(Clyde leaves.)

SARAH JANE: Is he finding it really hard to fit in?
MARIA: No harder than the rest of us. Clyde will talk to him. He'll be all right. How's Lance's mum?
SARAH JANE: Going out of her mind with worry.
MARIA: But you don't think there's anything weird about Lance disappearing, do you? I mean, you're not doing this story because you think there's aliens involved or anything?
SARAH JANE: I don't see aliens behind every bush, you know, Maria. I'm not a conspiracy theorist.
MARIA: No, I know. I just wondered, that's all.
SARAH JANE: Now this friend of Lance's, Brandon, do you know him?

[Cafe]

(Brandon is another video game devotee.)

MARIA: Hi, Brandon.
BRANDON: What do you want?
MARIA: This is my friend Sarah Jane.
SARAH JANE: Hi. I want to ask you some questions about Lance.

(Brandon's game ends. He points to the highest score list. The same ID is in the top five places.)

BRANDON: That's him.
SARAH JANE: Halo?
BRANDON: Yeah, that's Lance. He's the nuts.
SARAH JANE: Is that good?
MARIA: Very.

(They sit down at a table with drinks and a bun.)

BRANDON: I was meant to meet him on Saturday in the park and go to the arcade.
SARAH JANE: And did you?
BRANDON: Well, he never showed. I thought the storm may have put him off.
MARIA: There wasn't a storm on Saturday.
BRANDON: Are you calling me a liar?
SARAH JANE: No, no, of course she's not. But Saturday was warm and sunny. I remember. I was in the garden until dark.
BRANDON: Yeah, well, it was weird, wasn't it. It only lasted a minute. All these clouds came up the hill and then it just poured on me. And then the clouds just vanished, and it was blue skies again. I mean, it was weird.
SARAH JANE: Frightening?
BRANDON: Yeah.

[Playground]

(Luke is brooding on the swings.)

CLYDE: You know, for a while there I thought you'd gone AWOL with Lance. I've been looking all over for you.
LUKE: Why?
CLYDE: Because that's what friends do when one of them is hurting. They try and help. Friends shouldn't grass each other up. I'm sorry.
LUKE: How did you grass me up?
CLYDE: Look, we'll get back to Slang 101 another day. Ding, ding. New class. How the Corporal doing a runner has got nothing to do with Luke.
LUKE: Don't call him that.
CLYDE: He's not here.
LUKE: It doesn't matter. I wasn't trying to be cruel, I was trying to be funny.
CLYDE: Yeah, well, not everyone's cut out to be me. See what I mean?

[Control room]

MISTRESS [OC]: Kudlak.
KUDLAK: I am here, Mistress.
MISTRESS [OC]: Time grows short. You must bring me children, Kudlak. Fresh, strong children.
KUDLAK: I will, Mistress. You have my vow.
MISTRESS [OC]: This hunger for blood, it never ends.
KUDLAK: You shall have what you need, Mistress. Soon you shall have all the children you need.

[Attic]

MARIA: Have all these kids really gone missing in a year?
SARAH JANE: Mister Smith, we need to cross reference these disappearances with reports of localised freak weather conditions.
MR SMITH: I will assimilate with meteorological databases. Processing initiated.
MARIA: I don't get it. What does this storm have to do with Lance going missing?
SARAH JANE: Well, that's what we're going to find out. I don't think Brandon is the sort of boy to be scared by any normal storm, do you? Maybe there is something weird about Lance's disappearance after all.
MR SMITH: I have a data match for twenty four children.
SARAH JANE: Twenty four?
MR SMITH: Their disappearances all coincide with instances of unexpected but short lived torrential rain.
MARIA: All towns and cities.
SARAH JANE: Why would it rain like that?
MR SMITH: Insufficient data.
SARAH JANE: Well, Mister Smith, maybe we can get you some more.

(A short time later, a variety of objects has been assembled.)

MARIA: So, what are we doing exactly?
SARAH JANE: Pass me that spanner. What do you know about energy?
MARIA: It can't be created or destroyed.
SARAH JANE: Very good. Now, a storm is created by, and in turn creates, energy. The residue hangs around for a while, and that could tell us quite a lot. Now, put those rubber gloves on and pass me those two metal cylinders one at a time. No! I said put the gloves on first! Those are made from Cibrianite Flux. Touch them both at the same time and without protection and you complete an electroneurological circuit which will put you out cold for an hour.
MARIA: Oh. You know, we should get my dad over. He's good at DIY. We could say it's my science project. He's got lots of tools. Bet he hasn't got one of these. Stand back.

(An oxy-acetylene torch.)

[Playground]

LUKE: Sometimes it feels like I'll never fit into this world. When I made a joke about Lance's name, it felt like a breakthrough because people laughed. But instead, it was another social miscalculation.
CLYDE: Gaffe, Luke. It was a gaffe.
LUKE: Last week, you said a gaffe was where a dude lives.
CLYDE: It's different. Just stick to the text, okay?
LUKE: You see, things are so complex.
CLYDE: Complex? You want to be grateful your old man didn't run off with your Aunt Melba. Listen to me, I'm an expert in complex.
LUKE: You can explain things to me?
CLYDE Just ask Encyclopaedia Clydannica. Go on, anything you want. Take your best shot.
LUKE: What's the purpose of games?
CLYDE: Why play games?
LUKE: This.

(He takes out the flyer Grantham gave him.)

LUKE: This looks like war, but it's a game. Why?
CLYDE: It's just a laugh.
LUKE: But they pretend to kill people.
CLYDE: Okay, you want to find out? Let's do it.

[Office]

KUDLAK: Mistress is worried. It has been a month, yet our returns are minimal.
GRANTHAM: I can't help it if the kids are low grade.
KUDLAK: We must find better. We must work harder.
GRANTHAM: Your mistress should come down. We could stick her in a sandwich board. She could hand out some flyers.
KUDLAK: Do not mock my mistress!
GRANTHAM: It was a joke, okay?
KUDLAK: We serve at her pleasure, Mister Grantham.
GRANTHAM: Yeah, I know. Sure, sure.
KUDLAK: Neither of us is irreplaceable. Not I and certainly not you.

[Hill top]

(Sarah Jane unveils her contraption.)

SARAH JANE: Ta da! Right, this is where Brandon got caught in the rain. Come on, let's get her going.
MARIA: Okay.
SARAH JANE: Right. Now turn the dial on the left. Six point zero two for the electromagnetic pulse trace. Just got to calibrate the Kohonen net. Right switch to fifteen and the middle to two point six. Now then. Right, fire it up!

(Energy streams out of the contraption into the sky.)

MARIA: Wow!
SARAH JANE: Again. Nothing. Once more. This doesn't make any sense. There should be some sort of reaction.

(Then a shower of golden things descends upon them.)

MARIA: What's happening?
SARAH JANE: It works! My machine works!

[Attic]

MR SMITH: Particles identified as entanglement shells.
SARAH JANE: Okay. And do you want to tell us what an entanglement shell is, exactly?
MR SMITH: Used by climate engineers to terraform hostile planet environments in order to support life. They stimulate rainfall.
MARIA: Ealing doesn't need terraforming. It gets too much rain as it is.
MR SMITH: If I might continue?
SARAH JANE: Please.
MR SMITH: Entanglement shells can also be a byproduct of some form of transdimensional energy dispersal.
MARIA: By what?
SARAH JANE: Teleportation. Aliens. I knew it!
MARIA: Lance was kidnapped by aliens?
SARAH JANE: Oh, they've been kidnapping people from Earth for decades for one reason or another. The question is, why Lance? And from where? Mister Smith, can you pinpoint the centre of the storm on Saturday?
MR SMITH: Weather geostationary satellites record every hour and are unlikely to have registered such a brief meteorological anomaly. I will access a military satellite.

[Combat 3000]

(Luke, Clyde and some other boys collect their equipment.)

CLYDE: You shoot out people's sensors. If you get hit, your gun goes down for five seconds and you lose a life. You get one hundred lives. The person at the end with the most lives left, wins. Last man standing kind of thing.
LUKE: But I still don't get the point.
CLYDE: You just wait until the adrenaline starts pumping. You'll see.
TANNOY: Attention! Warriors of the future, take your places at the arena doors. Prepare to do battle! Show no mercy! Take no prisoners! This is a fight for survival! Only one can be the ultimate warrior! Battle commences in ten seconds.

[Control room]

KUDLAK: Well, Grantham, have you brought me good stock?
GRANTHAM: I wouldn't get your hopes up just yet.

[Combat 3000]

TANNOY: Four, three, two, one!
CLYDE: Take no prisoners!
TANNOY: Commence combat! (The children run through the main doors into the combat zone.)

[Attic]

MR SMITH: This is animated data from a NATO satellite covering Western Europe taken on Saturday at sixteen oh four hours.
SARAH JANE: Run it again and slow it down. People never really vanish without a trace. There's always a footprint, a tyre track, something. You've just got to know where to look. Stop! Show me what's right there, at the heart of it.

(The data zooms in on a building.)

MARIA: I know that place! We were there earlier, me and Luke.

(Maria gets out her flyer.)

MARIA: Combat 3000.

[Combat 3000]

(Luke keeps getting tagged. Clyde pushes him into cover.)

CLYDE: Move!

(Clyde, however, is very good. Then Luke improves, very quickly.)

CLYDE: Luke! Now!
LUKE: Nice.
CLYDE: Cover me! Cover me! Watch out! Go, Luke. I'll cover you!

[Control room]

GRANTHAM: Well, well, well. You're not such a mummy's boy after all, are you?
KUDLAK: Someone shows promise.
GRANTHAM: There's a couple of kids. One of them is really something. Really going for it. It's like he's got something to prove.
KUDLAK: I smell warrior blood. Mistress will be pleased.

(Kudlak has very bad breath.)

GRANTHAM: I wouldn't bet your spaceship on it just yet. Let's see if he makes it through Level Two.

[Combat 3000]

LUKE: Come on, Clyde.
CLYDE: Yeah.

(Game over, they run to the score screen.)

LUKE: Hey, I won! And look, you came second.
CLYDE: Yeah. Beginner's luck, I guess. Maybe we should go again.
LUKE: I thought you said it was for kids.
CLYDE: Yeah, it is, but it's all part of your education. Don't worry, I'm not enjoying it or anything.
GRANTHAM: That's an impressive score, Soldier Eight.
LUKE: Clyde says it was beginner's luck, but I've got better reflexes and hand to eye coordination than most kids.
GRANTHAM: You do? Wow! Well, you make one hell of a Future Warrior, Soldier.
LUKE: You mean I'd be good at killing people, if the eventuality arose?
GRANTHAM: I'm betting you don't get invited to many parties, do you?
CLYDE: I was showing him what to do. He's Luke, which makes me Obi Wan Kenobi. Soldier Seven. How's it going?
GRANTHAM: Okay, listen up. Me and Mister Kudlak, he's the proprietor, we run a special competition for the more skilled competitors. It's Level Two. Now, what do you think? Are you up for it?
CLYDE: Yeah!
GRANTHAM: Good.

[Combat 3000 ticket kiosk]

(Manned by a bored middle aged woman.)

CASHIER: Welcome to the unique gaming experience that is Combat 3000. Zap Those Drones.
SARAH JANE: Hi. I'd like to book a party. I've heard a lot about this place. Apparently, it's the nuts.
MARIA: Okay, let's agree to never say that ever again.
CASHIER: I wouldn't if I were you.
SARAH JANE: I'm sorry?
CASHIER: For her, is it? I'd take her to see a film. You don't want to come here. It's mental. Used to be lovely and peaceful till Mister Grantham took over.
SARAH JANE: Mister Grantham?
CASHIER: Mmm. Him and his partner, Mister Kudlak. Not that anybody ever sees him.
SARAH JANE: Would it be possible to speak to him?
CASHIER: Do you know, it always seems to be raining since they moved in. My sister's offered me a part time in the tanning salon and I'm thinking, well, you only live once.
SARAH JANE: Tell you what, why don't we just go through? I can see you're busy.
CASHIER: Hey!

(But the next eager teenagers are in front of her.)

CASHIER: Welcome to the unique gaming experience

[Combat 3000]

CLYDE: See him? He does kickboxing. She does athletics for the county, and he's in the football A team. This is wicked! It's like Premier League for laser tag.
GRANTHAM: Okay, guys. Well done for getting through to Level Two. New arena, new objective. You will be split into four disbursement groups. You will access the arena from here, here and here. When the first siren sounds, you break for cover. When the second siren sounds, the mission begins.
LUKE: Mission?
GRANTHAM: The first soldier to make it through the door, down the corridor and into this chamber, will win their place in the World Championships.
CLYDE: They have a laser tag World Championships?
GRANTHAM: That's kind of why I said it. Now this time, you don't get one hundred lives, Okay? You get ten.
GIRL: Ten?
CLYDE: Piece of cake.
GRANTHAM: Do you think so? A word of advice, son. The ultimate Warrior of the Future is always on guard for surprise attacks.

[Outside the office]

SARAH JANE: Seems like a good place to start.

(She sonicks the lock. There is a CCTV camera in here.)

[Combat 3000]

LUKE: The others are playing by the old rules, last man standing. If we work as a team, we'll have the strategic advantage.
CLYDE: Like I said, piece of cake.

[Control room]

(Kudlak is watching the Level Two combat when an alarm sounds and the screen switches to the office.)

KUDLAK: Grantham! Grantham!

[Office]

MARIA: What are we looking for?
SARAH JANE: You'll know when you find it. Just see what bubbles to the top.
MARIA: Does that mean you don't know?
SARAH JANE: Not as such.
GRANTHAM: Perhaps I can help.
SARAH JANE: Mister Grantham, I presume. Not Mister Kudlak. No, I hear he likes to stay in the shadows. I wonder why that is?
GRANTHAM: Who are you and what are you doing in my office?
SARAH JANE: Sarah Jane Smith, journalist.
GRANTHAM: Who's she?
SARAH JANE: My work experience girl.
MARIA: It was either this or putting up scaffolding.
SARAH JANE: I'm doing a story on laser games and their effect on aggression levels among young people.
GRANTHAM: No comment. Now get out!
SARAH JANE: Any comment on Lance Metcalf, the boy that disappeared three days ago? Twenty four children have disappeared recently. Manchester, Brighton, Leeds, Inverness. All cities where there's a Combat 3000. Every time, in the middle of a freak storm. Still no comment, Mister Grantham?
GRANTHAM: Do you know why people come to Combat 3000, Miss Smith? They come for the guns.

(Grantham points a small alien handgun at Sarah Jane and Maria.)

[Control room]

KUDLAK: A soldier that fights alone, dies alone. These two will do, Mistress.
MISTRESS [OC]: Good, Kudlak. Send them to me. Send them to me.
KUDLAK: In the name of the Emperor, it shall be done, Mistress.

[Combat 3000]

CLYDE: Okay, that's it. The door to the World Championships. How many lives do you have left?
LUKE: Six. You?
CLYDE: Four. I think we're well ahead of the opposition. Are you ready?
LUKE: Remember what the manager said. Be ready for a surprise attack.
CLYDE: I'm ready to rock.
LUKE: I'm ready to roll.

(Helmeted non-teenage players pop up as they head for the door.)

[Office]

GRANTHAM: Move!
SARAH JANE: Oh, please don't be offended, but this isn't the first time I've had a gun pointed at me. And guns from other planets. Oh, I'm afraid I've rather lost count.
GRANTHAM: Will you die happy if I tell you that I'm impressed?
SARAH JANE: I'll die happy when I get Lance Metcalf and the other twenty three children you've kidnapped back to their parents safe and well.
GRANTHAM: Don't worry about them, Miss Smith. Children adore war games.

(Luke and Clyde make it to the corridor.)

MARIA: It's raining.
SARAH JANE: They're powering up the teleporter.

[Control room]

KUDLAK: Get rid of them, Grantham! Now!

[Office]

(Grantham gets painful feedback through his earpiece.)

SARAH JANE: Don't you have any conscience about what you're doing with those children, Mister Grantham?
GRANTHAM: Let me tell you about conscience. A conscience is like a stone in your shoe. You cannot begin to imagine the relief once you get rid of it. Goodbye, Miss Smith.
SARAH JANE: Just a moment, please. Just a moment. Bit of lippy. Last request.

(She sonicks his earpiece and he falls to his knees.)

SARAH JANE: Come on, we don't have much time! We have to find that transporter and shut it down.

[Corridor]

LUKE: What happens now? Do we get like a trophy or something?
CLYDE: I don't know. But I'm thinking this is kind of weird.
LUKE: Come on, it's just a game.

[Control room]

MARIA: What exactly does a matter transporter look like?
SARAH JANE: Look, it's Luke and Clyde!

[Chamber]

CLYDE: What's going on?

(They are teleported away.)

[Control room]

SARAH JANE: No!
KUDLAK: Be proud of them.
SARAH JANE: Where have you sent them? Where?
KUDLAK: Into darkness.

Part Two

[Teleportation chamber]

CLYDE: Whoa! What was all that about? If you ask me, someone went over the top with the effects budget.
LUKE: I feel sick.
CLYDE: Well, do me a favour. If this is where they hand us the trophy, don't puke in it.

[Control room]

KUDLAK: I don't like to kill unarmed women and children, but forgive me, this is war.

(Sarah Jane fires Grantham's gun.)

SARAH JANE: Run!

[Office corridor]

(Kudlak runs into Grantham, and lifts him up by the throat.)

KUDLAK: Why are you an idiot?
SARAH JANE: Run!

[Combat 3000]

MARIA: Where now?
SARAH JANE: There must be an emergency exit.

(Kudlak shoots and misses. They dodge from pillar to pillar.)

MARIA: Are you all right?
SARAH JANE: UNIT training. Never forget it. Just get a little older, that's all.
MARIA: This way!

(They run to the fire exit.)

MARIA: Please come on! Come on!
SARAH JANE: Stand back.

(She sonicks the door open.)

SARAH JANE: Go!

[Back alley]

(And locked again.)

MARIA: What about Luke and Clyde?
SARAH JANE: They're not there any more, but we'll find them. First we have to find out who we're up against.

[Teleportation chamber]

CLYDE: Where is everyone? I want my ticket to the World Championships.
LUKE: I thought you were getting worried before.
CLYDE: Nah. Adrenaline hype, that's all. Look, nothing's happened to us. We're just stuck in this room off the arena waiting for that Grantham guy to come get us.
LUKE: I don't know, Clyde. Something's not right.

(The door opens. More helmeted warriors.)

CLYDE: About time. Are you the honour guards? Are you going to do this properly? You know what, Luke? I like their style here.

(Clyde and Luke are dragged out.)

CLYDE: Hey, what are you doing? Get off me!
LUKE: Clyde!

(And locked into a crate.)

CLYDE [OC]: Let me out! What are you doing?

[Control room]

KUDLAK: You compromised the mission!
GRANTHAM: What?
KUDLAK: The woman and female child have escaped.
GRANTHAM: You went after them. If they got away, it's your fault.
KUDLAK: Your security of this compound should never have allowed them access. You're a liability to the success of this operation and to the survival of my people. You are a disgrace to your own species, Grantham. You have always sickened me. Killing you will be a service to both our worlds.
GRANTHAM: No! Please! Please!
MISTRESS [OC]: Kudlak, what is happening?
KUDLAK: The mission is compromised, Mistress. We must evacuate.
MISTRESS [OC]:: No, you must stay there. You must send me children. More children.
KUDLAK: But security has been breached.
MISTRESS [OC]: Do not argue, Kudlak. I am your Mistress.
KUDLAK: Yes, Mistress.
GRANTHAM: It sounds like you'll be needing me around a little bit more, Mister Kudlak. I think I know how to sort your security problem.

[Attic]

SARAH JANE: Mister Smith, I need you. Luke and Clyde have been abducted by an alien. I need you to identify the species.
MR SMITH: Please describe.
SARAH JANE: Humanoid. Brownish face.
MARIA: Kind of slimy.
SARAH JANE: Wide cheekbones. No, wider.
MARIA: And big eyes.
SARAH JANE: Yes. I think that's it.
MR SMITH: Uvodni. Their home planet is in Spiral Cluster of the Dragon Nebula, thirty four thousand light years from Earth.
SARAH JANE: His name is Kudlak.
MR SMITH: Accessing Uvodni database. Kudlak. General Uvlavad Kudlak. One of the Uvodni Signus Brigade's most decorated warriors.
MARIA: A soldier.
MR SMITH: Uvodni were part of a planetary alliance that fought the Malakh in the Ghost Wars of the Horsehead Nebula.
MARIA: Who are the Malakh?
SARAH JANE: Not very nice to know. They'd start a war with you just for looking at them.
MR SMITH: When other allied worlds had been crushed by the Malakh Empire, the Uvodni continued to fight.
SARAH JANE: But why is Kudlak on Earth abducting children?
MR SMITH: My last data registration of General Kudlak is from a cybergon download with Zantoxian trade vessel that passed through the Solar System two months ago.
MARIA: A what?
SARAH JANE: Mister Smith sometimes likes to connect with onboard computers of passing alien vessels.
MR SMITH: It pays to stay in touch.
SARAH JANE: So, what about Kudlak?
MR SMITH: Twenty years ago, the Uvodni suffered casualties in a battle with the Malakh. Kudlak was injured and forced to leave the front line.
MARIA: Doesn't tell us why he's taken Luke and Clyde.
SARAH JANE: Well, maybe it does. Remember what Grantham said in his office? Children love war games. An old soldier like Kudlak, he wouldn't just retire. I think he's been here recruiting.
MARIA: What?
SARAH JANE: I think he's looking for soldiers.

[Crate]

CLYDE: I've got no signal. You?
LUKE: Nothing. My battery's dead.
CLYDE: Oh man, a bucket. This is not good.
LUKE: I think you're right. Did you feel it back then? The floor was vibrating.
CLYDE: How do you mean?
LUKE: Very slightly.
CLYDE: Which means?
LUKE: It wasn't doing that before. I don't think we're at Combat 3000 any more.

(The crate stops moving.)

CLYDE: I think we've arrived. What are you doing?

(Luke has found a piece of metal and uses it to hook the pin out of the crate lock.)

[Holding deck]

CLYDE: If you've got any idea what's going on around here, I'd love to hear it.
LUKE: I don't think we got into the World Championships.
JEN [OC]: Who's there?
CLYDE: Did you hear that?
JEN [OC]: Who is that?

(They open another crate.)

CLYDE: Whoa, ho! Looks like things are finally picking up round here. What's your name?
JEN: Jen. Who are you?
CLYDE: I'm Clyde. This is Luke. Look, have you got a reason for sitting in a crate or are you like us, itching for a clue to what the hell is going on around here?
JEN: I won level 2 at Combat 3000. Next thing, those jokers are locking me up.
LUKE: Clyde, I think I've found you that clue.

(Luke has opened another crate.)

CLYDE: Lance! Look, I don't want to freak you out, mate, but your mum's going out of her mind worrying about you.

[Attic]

SARAH JANE: Mister Smith, do you have a trace on the storm today when Luke and Clyde were taken?
MR SMITH: Yes. I have been monitoring weather conditions across the country.
SARAH JANE: Is it possible to track the transmat beam to calculate where it's taken the boys?
MR SMITH: Detection of such a transmission trail requires synchronous data scraping in eleven dimensions around Combat 3000.
SARAH JANE: Can you do it?
MR SMITH: Of course.

(Breaking glass. Sarah Jane speaks to Maria.)

SARAH JANE: Wait here.

[Lounge]

GRANTHAM: I know, I probably should have called you first, but
SARAH JANE: Not at all, Mister Grantham. I'm always delighted to study new forms of human low life in the comfort of my home.
GRANTHAM: You are a cool old bird, I give you that much.
SARAH JANE: Collaborating with an alien child abductor. Tut, tut, tut. That really is a new depth in the low life stakes.

(Maria sneaks down the stairs and goes up to the contraption.)

GRANTHAM: I didn't come here to discuss my business dealings, Miss Smith.
SARAH JANE: Business dealings? You're helping that monster press gang children into a war light years away just for money?
GRANTHAM: It's what makes the galaxy go round.
SARAH JANE: Oh, you're despicable.
GRANTHAM: And you? Ha, ha. You are done for.

(Maria zaps him with the Cibrianite Flux cylinders.)

SARAH JANE: No, Mister Grantham. I think you're the one that's done with.

[Holding deck]

(There are six teenagers here now.)

LUKE: So we all played Combat 3000 and ended up here?
CLYDE: We played all over the place. London, Brighton, Manchester, Leeds and Inverness. Kids from all over the country must have gone missing. But how did we get here?
JAN: Wherever here is.
LUKE: What's it for? Who are they and what do they want with us?
LANCE: I played that stupid game again and again just to get to level two, and I end up in a crate. What's going on?
JAN: Someone's coming.

(A guard enters as they hide behind crates.)

CLYDE: (sotto) Just stick with me. I'll look after you.

(The guard opens a crate. Jan pushes him inside. They lock him in.)

JAN: Just stick with me. I'll look after you.
LUKE: Come on.

(The guard blasts the crate to smithereens.)

JEN: Run! Let's go!

[Passageway]

LANCE: Where the heck are we? Where do we go?
LUKE: This way.
CLYDE: Why this way?
LUKE: Why not?

(Lance looks out of an observation port.)

LANCE: When did the moon turn blue?
JAN: That isn't the moon.
LANCE: I don't believe it. We can't be.
CLYDE: Oh, man. We are.
LUKE: I never thought it would be so beautiful.

(A blue planet with white clouds is a large crescent below them.)

CLYDE: We are a long way from home.

[Attic]

MARIA: They're in space?
MR SMITH: In Earth's orbit.
SARAH JANE: Twenty two thousand miles over our heads. But it could be worse.
MARIA: How?
SARAH JANE: The transporter could have sent them right across the galaxy to the Uvodni world.
MARIA: But they're in space. It doesn't matter whether it's Earth's orbit or the planet of the apes. Unless you've got a friend at NASA that'll lend us a shuttle, we're stuffed, and so are Luke and Clyde.
SARAH JANE: Maria, we're going to get them back.
MARIA: How?
SARAH JANE: Mister Grantham is going to help us.

[Passageway]

JAN: It's a trick. It's got to be a trick. We didn't fly anywhere.
LUKE: We were teleported.
JAN: Yeah, right. Like beam me up, Scotty.
CLYDE: Trust me. It's real.

(Bang!)

CLYDE: And that's a real gun. Come on!

(They run.)

LANCE: If we're really in space, how are we going to get away?
JAN: He's got a point.
LUKE: We'll find a way.
KUDLAK: My warriors. Such very fine warriors.

[Bridge]

CLYDE: What are we doing here? What's with all this warrior stuff? All we did was win a game of laser tag!
LANCE: Hey, maybe that's it. Maybe this is just another part of the game. Level Three.
KUDLAK: Silence! Behold your Mistress.
MISTRESS [on screen]: Welcome, my warriors.
LUKE: We're not warriors. We're kids.
KUDLAK: None of those before you had the initiative to escape the holding deck. None forced my return to the ship to deal with them. You are good warrior stock.
CLYDE: This is such rubbish.
MISTRESS [on screen]: You have proved yourself in the arena. You have hearts of heroes. You will not suffer our enemies to live and we will honour your sacrifice.
CLYDE: Hey, your majesty or whatever. No offence, but I think you're getting a bit mixed up here. Back in the arena, we were playing.
MISTRESS [on screen]: And what is play if it is not a preparation for life?
CLYDE: Look, fight your own war. It's got nothing to do with us. We want to go home!

(The sound of a electric shock. Luke is fiddling with a console.)

CLYDE: Luke!
MISTRESS {on screen]: Such determination. Such loyalty to each other. You have chosen well, Kudlak.
LUKE: Suppose we refuse to fight. What then?
MISTRESS [on screen]: Then you will be cowards. You will not fall as heroes. But nevertheless, you will die.

[Combat 3000]

(Sarah Jane has Grantham at gunpoint, and she has used cable ties to secure his wrists.)

SARAH JANE: That teleporter is here, Mister Grantham. You're going to take us to it.
GRANTHAM: And then what? Are you going to beam yourself up to the Uvodni ship and take them on with your lipstick?
MARIA: You won't be so cocky when you go down for abducting all those children.
GRANTHAM: So you're going to tell the police that I helped some butt ugly alien send kids to war in a galaxy far away. It won't be me going down, love. It will be you, down to the funny farm.
SARAH JANE: Who needs to mention aliens? There's enough evidence to link you to the disappearances. I doubt that men like you fare too well in prison.
GRANTHAM: All right, all right, all right. I'll help you out as much as I can, for all it's worth. The first thing is, it's not Kudlak that calls all the shots.

[Bridge]

(The children have been removed.)

MISTRESS [on screen]: You have done well, Kudlak. The recruits have spirit. They will see it is better to fight than to die a coward's death.
KUDLAK: How many that we have sent into battle these last years have survived, do you suppose?
MISTRESS [on screen]: We have survived, Kudlak. The Uvodni have survived.
KUDLAK: Yes, Mistress.
MISTRESS [on screen]: You seem weary, General.
KUDLAK: It's been a long war, Mistress. I grow old dreaming of peace.
MISTRESS [on screen]: Peace? Dreams of peace are for farmers, Kudlak.
KUDLAK: Of course, Mistress. I beg forgiveness. I am tired.
MISTRESS [on screen]: We have done glorious work for our people, Kudlak. Humans are among the most aggressive species. Their young have untamed potential. Their imagination and adaptability have helped for decades helped our armies do glorious battle against the Malakh.
KUDLAK: Yes, Mistress. But I wonder how these battles fare. It has been so long since I've heard from the front.
MISTRESS [on screen]: Our battles are glorious, Kudlak, and one day we will crush the Malakh.
KUDLAK: And then there will be peace?
MISTRESS [on screen]: A man like you should not dream of peace, General Kudlak. Without war, the cosmos has no need of us. Prepare the recruits for transportation to the front.
KUDLAK: Yes, Mistress.

[Holding deck]

CLYDE: Yeah, but this isn't our fight.
LUKE: Can I borrow your mobile, Clyde?
CLYDE: We're in space, Luke. Who are you going to ring? Have you got a number for Captain Kirk?
LUKE: Who?
CLYDE: Oh, just don't break it.
JAN: Whatever's going on across the galaxy, it's got nothing to do with us.
LANCE: Kudlak doesn't see it like that.
CLYDE: Forget Kudlak. We need a plan to get out.
JEN: But what can we do? We're on a spaceship. The only way we're getting off is if they send us into the middle of some alien war.
LUKE: Or we steal a shuttlecraft.
CLYDE: What did you say?
LUKE: I've wired Clyde's mobile into the ship's computer.
JEN: He did what?
CLYDE: Sorry. My friend's a bit of a geek.
LUKE: This is a plan of the spacecraft.
LANCE: Like the Isle of Wight ferry.
CLYDE: Yeah, that ferry. Yeah.
LUKE: We're here. This is where they took us to see the Mistress. And this, I'm pretty sure, is a
CLYDE: Shuttlecraft. Genius.
JEN: Yeah, genius. He can wire your phone into an alien computer, but can you fly an alien shuttlecraft?
CLYDE: No, but he can wire my phone up to an alien computer. Give the boy a chance. He's on a roll.
LANCE: It doesn't make any difference if he can fly it or not. We're not going anywhere.
LUKE: Want a wager?

(And opens the door.)

CLYDE: Bet, Luke. It's a bet.

(Luke gets out before the door shuts again.)

[Control room]

(Maria and Sarah Jane are in the teleportation chamber.)

SARAH JANE [on monitor]: I'll warn you again, Mister Grantham> If you don't uphold your side of the bargain and see to it that we reach the Uvodni ship in one piece, my friend Mister Smith has detailed files on you

[Chamber]

SARAH JANE: That will be in the hands of the police by midnight.
GRANTHAM [OC]: Don't worry, Miss Smith. I'll get you up to the Uvodni ship.

[Control room]

GRANTHAM: Why wouldn't I? You're never going to come back.
SARAH JANE [on monitor]: Oh, I'll be back, Mister Grantham. I'll be back.

[Passageway]

LUKE: Not far now.
JEN: What was it, first right or second right?
CLYDE: Second.
LANCE: No, first. It was first.

(They are surrounded by guards.)

CLYDE: Whoa.
LANCE: They're over there, too.
CLYDE: We can't fight for them if they grease us.
JEN: Maybe we're just too much trouble.
CLYDE: Oh, yeah. We rock.
LANCE: What now?
LUKE: Just stay calm.

(They come to a door.)

CLYDE: Look, I don't want to freak you out, man, but I'm losing calm as an option here.

(Meanwhile, after dodging a patrol.)

SARAH JANE: I never thought I would lay eyes on a sight like this again.
MARIA: It's incredible. Even after everything I've seen, I never thought I'd see this.
SARAH JANE: Maybe if everybody could see the Earth from up here, they might appreciate it more. Come on, Maria. We have to go.

(Back at the door, Luke is trying to hack the locking mechanism with Clyde's phone.)

CLYDE: Yeah, I've gone past worried. I'm not even stopping at anxious. I'm full throttle into panicked totally beyond reason. Will you get a move on?

(And the door opens.)

CLYDE: You're enjoying this, aren't you?
LUKE: Clyde, look at this.

(A guard shoots at them, and Luke shuts the door.)

[Bridge]

MISTRESS [on screen]: What is the meaning of this? Who are you?
SARAH JANE: My name is Sarah Jane Smith, and I want my son back.

[Shuttle bay]

(Walking along a catwalk high in a multi story area.)

LUKE: Clyde, look what I've just seen on their computer banks.
CLYDE: Not now, Luke, later.
JAN: Clyde, look. It's the shuttlecraft.
CLYDE: We made it.

(Guards enter through another door.)

LANCE: Get a move on!
KUDLAK: Warriors, I salute you. Yours is without doubt the finest war blood I have been honoured to gather. And now it is time to leave, to take your place on the Uvodni front line.

[Bridge]

MISTRESS [on screen]: What do you know of my war?
SARAH JANE: I know war, any way, is no place for children, no matter how desperate your people may be.
MISTRESS: My people are not desperate. They are proud. They are victorious.
SARAH JANE: Victorious? Is that what you call a people that use somebody else's children to fight their war?
MISTRESS [on screen]: Your species has a hunger for battle.
MARIA: We don't. The children don't. We've seen what adults have done to the world with their war, and we don't want it any more.
MISTRESS [on screen]: Lies. I have seen your games.
MARIA: It's pretend. Can't you understand that? The children you've sent to fight the Malakh might score high in a game, but that's not the same as fighting in a battlefield.
MISTRESS [on screen]: They adapt or fall.
SARAH JANE: And just how victorious are your battles, Mistress? What is the word from the front?
KUDLAK: Mistress, your warriors are ready. Intruders!
MISTRESS [on screen]: Execute them, Kudlak!
LUKE: Mum!
KUDLAK: And I had such hopes for you, young warrior.
CLYDE: No!
SARAH JANE: He's not a warrior. None of them are warriors. They're children.
KUDLAK: War changes everything.
LUKE: Stop. The war is over.
KUDLAK: What is this?
MISTRESS [on screen]: Lies, Kudlak. Execute them!
LUKE: I found this in your computer banks.
KUDLAK: This is trickery.
SARAH JANE: No. Let him show you.
LUKE: I hacked into your ship's computer. That's how we escaped. I found this by accident.
MISTRESS [on screen]: I will not permit this, Kudlak.
EMPEROR [on screen]: Vessels of the Imperial Fleet, this is your Emperor. We have agreed an armistice with the Malakh. After all these centuries, peace at last. Come home, all my proud warriors. Come home. We have much to re-build.
KUDLAK: What Malakh subterfuge is this?
SARAH JANE: Luke found it in your databanks. You have to believe it, Kudlak. The war is over.
LUKE: According to the data, that message is ten years old.
KUDLAK: Ten years? The Mistress would have told me. We would have gone home. This is a trick. You wish to destroy us.
SARAH JANE: No, Kudlak. We don't want to destroy you, no matter what your Mistress has told you. Earth wants to live in peace with its neighbours.
KUDLAK: But, Mistress, is this true? Is the war ended all these years?
SARAH JANE: Perhaps she doesn't want to go home. Perhaps without a war, there's no need for her or for you.
KUDLAK: Mistress?
MISTRESS [on screen]: Peace does not compute.
MARIA: What?
MISTRESS [on screen]: Peace does not compute. Peace does not, not compute.
LUKE: Mistress, she's a computer.
SARAH JANE: She buried the message from your Emperor.
KUDLAK: Is this true, Mistress?
MISTRESS [on screen]: I am not programmed for peace. This scenario does not compute. It cannot be real.
SARAH JANE: You never expected the war to end. Your computers were never programmed to recognise it had happened.
MISTRESS [on screen]: Peace is an anomaly. Without war I cannot exist.
KUDLAK: The point of our war was to achieve peace for our home.
MISTRESS [on screen]: We have no home, Kudlak, except on the battlefield. Peace is a stranger's land. We have no place there.
KUDLAK: You may not, but I do. All these years of peace wasted. I thought the Malakh were my enemy, but all this time it was you. And I will not suffer my enemies to live.

(Kudlak fires his blaster at the computer screen.)

KUDLAK: The Mistress is dead, and I have committed an unforgivable crime against your world. You are free and my life is yours to take.
SARAH JANE: Taking life is never the answer, General Kudlak, whether we've been wronged by one man or a whole planet. It's always the innocents that suffer.
KUDLAK: I am not an innocent, but maybe I can find some of those that were. The ones I sent far away and that still survive. Perhaps I can return them and one day find some peace for myself.
SARAH JANE: I hope you can, General Kudlak.
KUDLAK: It is my duty.
SARAH JANE: We're leaving, now.

[Street]

(The group leave Combat 3000.)

CLYDE: Well, not much of a hero's welcome.
LANCE: Who cares? We're back!
MARIA: Looks like Grantham's done a runner.
SARAH JANE: I never really expected him to hang around, did you?
MARIA: He can't get away with what he's done. He's worse than Kudlak.
SARAH JANE: Oh, I don't think Mister Grantham is the sort to stay out of trouble. He'll get what's coming to him, eventually.
MARIA: Yeah, okay.

(Jan walks towards the three boys and Clyde rubs his hands. Then she kisses Luke on the cheek.)

LUKE: That was a kiss?
JAN: You saved our skin, Luke. You deserved it. In fact

(She kisses him on the lips.)

JAN: Yeah.

[Outside the Metcalf home]

CARRIE: Oh, Lance! I thought I'd lost you.
LANCE: I know, Mum. I'm sorry. But I'm back now.
CARRIE: Where have you been? (to Sarah Jane and co.) Thank you.

(Across the road, by Sarah Jane's car.)

MARIA: I bet he doesn't tell her where he's been. Boys never talk to their mums.
CLYDE: Are you joking? How many people really get to go up into space? Like, er, no one? She won't be able to shut him up.
SARAH JANE: She won't believe a word of it, but she won't want him to stop.
MARIA: I wonder if he'll be a soldier like his dad, after everything he's been through?
SARAH JANE: Well, after today, he might want to be an astronaut. Be the first man on Mars. The first human man on Mars, that is. Are you all right, Luke? Is something wrong?
LUKE: No, I'm fine.

[Car]

CLYDE: You were a hero out there, mate. All that stuff with my mobile? It was brilliant.
LUKE: You all needed me. I felt like I belonged.
CLYDE: So what's with the sponsored silence?
LUKE: I've been thinking about something else. You said anything I wanted to know, just ask, all right?
CLYDE: Encyclopaedia Clydannica. I'm your man.
LUKE: Tell me about girls.
CLYDE: Oh, man.

Transcript originally provided by Chrissie. Adapted by TARDIS.guide. The transcripts are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.

Back to top