The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith

Part One

[Attic]

(Sarah Jane is looking very smart. Luke is doing his homework.)

SARAH JANE: See you later, then.
LUKE: Yeah, see you, Mum, have a good evening.
SARAH JANE: You too. Bye, K9.
K9: Enjoy your evening, Mistress.

(Sarah Jane leaves.)

LUKE: Mister Smith, I need you quickly and quietly.
MR SMITH: Quickly and quietly.

(No big fanfare. Luke makes a phone call.)

LUKE: She's off again.

[Bannerman Road]

(Sarah Jane drives away. Rani and Clyde come out of hiding.)

RANI: Right. We're coming over.
CLYDE: What is she up to?

[Attic]

MR SMITH: How can I help you, Luke?
LUKE: Activate tracking device, Mister Smith. Aerial satellite scan.

(A blue device blinking in the wheel arch.)

RANI: So, what was her story this time?
LUKE: She says she's going to a meeting at the Town Hall about a motorway extension.
K9: Mistress's exact words. You never know, Luke, there could be a story in it.
CLYDE: Her excuses are getting lamer and lamer.
K9: Affirmative. Veracity level twelve percent.
CLYDE: Why is she lying to us?
RANI: She's heading into town.
MR SMITH: Query. Am I to understand you are using my tracking system to spy on Sarah Jane?
RANI: It's the fifth time she's done this in a month, Mister Smith. We've got to find out what she's really doing.
CLYDE: She goes off on her own, all mysterious. What if she gets in trouble?
MR SMITH: This is highly irregular behaviour.
K9: Do not exceed your function, Mister Smith. Your opinion has not been asked for.
CLYDE: That told you. Good dog.
K9: Affirmative, Master Clyde.
CLYDE: She's stopped.
LUKE: Nowhere near the Town Hall.
RANI: There, she was lying. Knew it.

[Car]

(Sarah Jane is about to put on some lipstick, but has the wrong one.)

SARAH JANE: Whoa. Must stop doing that. Right.

[Attic]

CLYDE: Scan for alien activity in that area, K9.
K9: Negative for alien activity, Master Clyde.
MR SMITH: I am perfectly able to complete that function, Clyde. There's no need to consult the dog.
K9: Sticks and stones.
RANI: So, what now, then. We follow her down there?
LUKE: Come on. Two minutes to the next bus.
CLYDE: And you two, play nicely.

(Luke, Rani and Clyde leave.)

K9: Play nicely. Instruction to human children. Conduct recreation in socially compatible mode.
MR SMITH: Oh, be quiet.

[Morris Road]

LUKE: There's the car, but where's Mum?
RANI: No sign of any aliens either.

(Clyde suddenly jumps back and flattens himself against an Estate Agents doorway.)

CLYDE: I did not just see that. Careful!

(They peer into a restaurant to see Sarah Jane sitting at a table with a man.)

RANI: Oh, my God.
CLYDE: Oh, no, they're not gonna.

(The man leans over and kisses Sarah Jane.)

CLYDE: Oh, people are eating.

(Then he hears a noise just like the TARDIS engines. They walk away across the road.)

RANI: Wow. Just wow.
CLYDE: Nobody over 22 should be doing that in public actually at all.
RANI: Shut up, Clyde. Oh, that's brilliant, she's got herself a man.
LUKE: What are we gonna say?
RANI: We're not gonna say anything. She wants it kept a secret, so we never saw that and we don't know. Yeah? Luke?
LUKE: Yeah. And we thought she was hunting aliens.

[Attic]

CLYDE: He looked really posh. I bet he's called Henry or

(Footsteps on the stairs.)

RANI: She's coming.

(Sarah Jane enters.)

SARAH JANE: What are you all doing up here?
CLYDE: Well, the exams are coming up, so we've got to work.
RANI: Luke's helping us revise. Did you have a good evening?
CLYDE: Yeah, how was the, er meeting?
SARAH JANE: Nothing special. Why is Mister Smith still out?
MR SMITH: Information. Sarah Jane's car is now parked outside the house.
SARAH JANE: What? Mister Smith.
MR SMITH: Oh, hello, Sarah Jane, I have been tracking your position as instructed by Luke.
CLYDE: Big mouth! You did that on purpose.
SARAH JANE: K9, what have they been doing?
K9: I have been instructed to withhold information.
SARAH JANE: What was your exact instruction?
K9: Mistress Rani instructed me not to relay the information that you were followed to your assignation.
RANI: The gob on you!
SARAH JANE: You've been spying on me?
LUKE: We were worried. When you've kept something secret before, it's always been a disaster.
SARAH JANE: Does that give you the right to poke into my private business? Oh, I was about to tell you anyway.
CLYDE: So who's the lucky fellow, then?
SARAH JANE: His name is Peter Dalton. And yes, he's very lucky, and rather marvellous.
RANI: Ooo. Where did you meet him?
SARAH JANE: Oh no, that's all. End of discussion. You two, home. Luke, bed, I'll be in to say good night. Go on. Off! Off!
CLYDE: Sweet dreams.

(The teenagers leave.)

SARAH JANE: I should be angry. Why am I not angry?
K9: Mistress, I detect you are experiencing a heightened emotional state. Alpha waves high, heartbeat fast, increased serotonin.
SARAH JANE: K9, always the romantic.
K9: Affirmative.

[Luke's room]

(Sarah Jane knocks and enters. He is in bed.)

SARAH JANE: Honestly, I was about to tell you. I think. I'm not exactly an expert in matters of the heart.
LUKE: Neither am I.
SARAH JANE: I thought something was bound to go wrong, with my track record, and, well, it keeps getting better.
LUKE: I didn't know you had those sort of feelings.
SARAH JANE: Men were interested before, but then I'd think, how can a relationship go anywhere with my bizarre life?
LUKE: Where'd you meet him?
SARAH JANE: In a shoe shop. We just got talking, and he gave me his phone number.
LUKE: I didn't know people of your age did that kind of thing.
SARAH JANE: Cheek! Well, no, I wasn't going to call him, but then I bumped into him again and it got me thinking. I cut myself off from people for all those years. How could anyone like me, with what I know, what I do, ever have proper friends? But then I got you, and Maria and Clyde and Rani, and things changed, and perhaps they're changing on this front, too.
LUKE: You look really happy.
SARAH JANE: But there's still the big problem, isn't there? I can't suddenly spring it all on Peter. Oh, by the way, I used to go travelling through space and time in a phone box with a Time Lord.
LUKE: My son was created as part of an experiment by the Bane.
SARAH JANE: I've got a talking computer and a robot dog.
LUKE: Oh, by the way. My lipstick, it's deadly.
SARAH JANE: But I do want you to meet him. Can we just keep all this madness quiet for a bit longer, hmm? See how things go. And whatever happens, we're okay, you and me? Good night.

(Sarah Jane leaves. The sound of stuttering time rotors again.)

[Luke's room]

(Three days later, as the postman parks up outside the house.)

LUKE: I hope I look okay.
K9: Okay. Adequate but unremarkable quality.
LUKE: I don't know how I'm supposed to react. What am I supposed to call him? Peter? Mister Dalton? Dad? What if I don't even like him?
K9: Regret I do not have the answer to these questions, Master Luke. Suggest consult another human being.
SARAH JANE: Come on, Luke, he'll be here any moment. Chop, chop.
LUKE: Right. Stay quiet, K9. He mustn't find out about you. Got it?
K9: Understood.

[Outside Sarah Jane's home]

(Sarah Jane is signing for a large box. Clyde walks past as Rani looks out her front door.)

RANI: Oi! Clyde, what are you doing here?
CLYDE: I think I left my phone charger in the attic.
RANI: Oh, yeah?
CLYDE: All right, I want a good old look at the mystery man.
RANI: Hold on, so do I.
SARAH JANE: Thanks.

(The postman leaves. Then Peter arrives in his nice shiny convertible Mercedes Benz.)

CLYDE: Oh, hi, Sarah Jane. Is that your new man?
SARAH JANE: What are you doing here?
RANI: Er, well

(Then the box in Sarah Jane's arms leaps and makes strange noises.)

PETER: Hello, there! These are for you.

(A dozen red roses.)

SARAH JANE: Oh. Thank you.
PETER: Everything all right?
RANI: Oh, thanks for looking after that for me.

(Rani takes the box from Sarah Jane.)

RANI: Come on, Clyde.
CLYDE: Hello.
SARAH JANE: Oh, Peter, they're lovely. Thank you.
PETER: Are you sure everything's all right?
SARAH JANE: Yes. Oh, they're beautiful.

(Rani and Clyde go over to her house. Gita is at the door.)

GITA: Is that Sarah's man arriving?
RANI: Mum, have you got no shame?
CLYDE: Well, at least we were subtle. And what is that?
RANI: How should I know?

(Luke comes out of the house.)

PETER: Okay. Very good. Now, this must be Luke.
LUKE: Nice to meet you, Mister Dalton.
PETER: It's Peter, please. I've heard all about you. You're the apple of your mother's eye, I can tell you. So, this is where you live. Amazing place.

(Rani puts the noisy box in their lounge and runs back outside.)

GITA: Blimey, he's quite dishy. She's done all right for herself.
CLYDE: Cool car.

(Gita runs across the road.)

RANI: Mum, come back! Clyde.

(Rani points inside the house. Clyde obeys.)

GITA: Oh, hello. Just popping to the shops. Do you want anything?
SARAH JANE: No, thanks. Peter, this is Gita from over the road.
GITA: Oh! Peter and Gita, that's funny.
PETER: Gita, nice to meet you.
GITA Pretty flowers. I run a flower shop, my darling, Bloomin' Lovely, on the parade? You should pop in, I'll give you a discount. I do lovely displays for weddings.
SARAH JANE: That's quite enough of that, thank you.
GITA: Well, I'll be off.
LUKE: The shop's that way, Mrs Chandra.
GITA: Yes!
SARAH JANE: Oh, let me just pop these in some water.

(Sarah Jane goes inside.)

LUKE: So.
PETER: Yes.

[Chandra home]

CLYDE: Okay, he looks all right. Did that just move again?
RANI: What is it?

(An eye on a stalk pushes its way out of the box.)

[Luke's bedroom]

K9: Alien activity detected. Alert! Activating stair negotiation, hover mode.

[Chandra home]

(Two eye stalks now.)

RANI: It's alive.
CLYDE: Let's hope it's harmless!

(The box bursts in a shower of polystyrene peanuts. Three eyes and various pseudopods on a woodlouse shaped body.)

RANI: Stop! Stay calm! We're going to help you!

(It runs out.)

[Outside Sarah Jane's home]

(K9 rushes past Sarah Jane.)

K9: Mistress, emergency! Alien activity detected.
SARAH JANE: K9, shut up. Get back inside. He mustn't see you. It's all meant to be normal.
K9: Alert, Mistress! Previous instructions overridden. Danger!
LUKE: K9!
PETER: Hey, what's that?
LUKE: Oh, it's mine. It's a toy. It comes from Japan. It's a robot dog. K9, get it?
K9: Alert!
PETER: But it talks.
LUKE: Yeah, it's got this programme with a few phrases.
K9: Do not look at me. Everything is normal.

(K9 heads to the Chandra home.)

LUKE: It's a prototype. It always finds its way home.
PETER: You know, I would like one of those.
SARAH JANE: Let's go.
PETER: The toys kids have nowadays. Computers and everything, it's incredible! Remember that thing with the horse?

(Across the road, the little alien is in the bushes.)

K9: Alert! Alert!
SARAH JANE: Buckaroo.
RANI: What's it doing there?
K9: Alert!

(Rani and Clyde chase the little alien down the road.)

SARAH JANE: Let's go.
LUKE: Yeah, I'm starving.

(Sarah Jane and Luke get into Peters car, and he drives them away.)

PETER: I thought we'd try the new Italian on the High Street.

(They nearly run over the alien on their way out.)

CLYDE: Come back here!

[Restaurant]

LUKE: I'd really like to go to university, but I think I'd also like to work on my own projects.

(Sarah Jane's phone rings.)

SARAH JANE: Better get this. Sorry.

(She leaves the table.)

SARAH JANE: Rani?

[Attic]

(Clyde and Rani have trapped the alien in a small dustbin.)

CLYDE: There you go, my son.
RANI: We've got it! But what is it?

[Restaurant / Attic]

SARAH JANE: Travast Polong. Not evil, just trouble. I saw him on eBay. The seller had no idea what he was. It turns out he was in his dormant cycle.
RANI: And he would choose today to wake up.
SARAH JANE: Get Mister Smith to open up a link to Polongus and they'll transmat him home.
RANI: Already on it.
MR SMITH: Polongus receiving now. Earth transmitting now.

(The dustbin is transmatted away.)

RANI: Problem solved. You have fun, right?

[Restaurant]

LUKE: But Mum always has a way of getting things out of you.
PETER: It must be being a journalist, she has to know everything.
LUKE: Yes, that is so true.

(Sarah Jane returns to the table.)

PETER: Watch this.
SARAH JANE: You boys okay?
PETER: Oh yes, yes. Luke and I were just discussing er. Oh, never mind, it's not important.
SARAH JANE: Oh, no, go on, what?
LUKE: Don't worry about it, Mum, it was nothing.
SARAH JANE: No, go on, what were you talking about? Tell me. Come on. What's so funny? What?
LUKE: Nothing.

[Chandra kitchen]

(Two days later.)

RANI: What are you doing?
CLYDE: Just being nosy. Looking up Peter's gaffe. 120 Christchurch Walk, W4.
RANI: Nice place.
CLYDE: That's weird. There's a For sale sign. And newspapers in the windows. It looks empty.
RANI: That picture could have been taken months back.
CLYDE: No, no, look. It says three weeks ago.
RANI: I'll ask Sarah Jane.
CLYDE: But Luke told me that she'd never been to his place. Let's go round there.
RANI: Are you joking?
CLYDE: We'll just have a look.
RANI: Oh Clyde, Peter is not an alien.
CLYDE: I know. K9 scanned him. But Sarah Jane's loaded, right? All this money from her aunt, the house, what if he wants to get his hands on it?
RANI: He's a partner in a law firm. He earns thousands. I know why you're doing this. You don't want things to change. Neither do I. But Sarah Jane's happy. Isn't that important?
CLYDE: Yeah. And I want her to stay happy. Come on.

[Restaurant]

PETER: I don't quite know how to say this.
SARAH JANE: What's the matter?
PETER: Well, nothing's the matter, that's it. Sarah Jane, I love you.
SARAH JANE: Good. Because the funny thing is, I love you too.

[120 Christchurch Walk]

(Rani and Clyde climb in through a window. The few furniture and fittings are all covered up.)

CLYDE: Come on. Whoa, this place is creepy. It's freezing.
RANI: We got the right address, didn't we?
CLYDE: Of course we did. Look at this place. I knew it, lair of the living dead.
RANI: There could be a million reasons for this. I don't know. He's got everything in storage?
CLYDE: Oh, yeah?

(A mountain of post by the front door.)

[Restaurant]

(Peter produces a ring box.)

PETER: Will you marry me?
SARAH JANE: Oh, it's beautiful. Peter, I love you.
PETER: Which means?
SARAH JANE: Yes, of course. Yes, yes, yes!

(The whole restaurant applauds as they kiss. He slides the ring onto her finger.)

SARAH JANE: A perfect fit.

(As they gaze into each other's eyes, the three diamonds glow red.)

[Attic]

SARAH JANE: Here they come.

(Rani and Clyde enter.)

SARAH JANE: Hey, I've just been telling Luke. I've got some big news. Wonderful news. Peter and I, we're getting married.
CLYDE: What?
SARAH JANE: Well, you don't have to look so pleased. I know it's a bit of a shock, but Peter's got it all planned.
RANI: I bet he has.
SARAH JANE: What do you mean?
RANI: Sarah Jane, we went round to Peter's house.
LUKE: You did what?
CLYDE: There's nothing there. It's empty.
SARAH JANE: What? What do you mean?
LUKE: Mum?

(The diamonds glow red again.)

SARAH JANE: I know it's empty. He doesn't really live there. His firm got him a flat in London nearer the office.
CLYDE: And you've been there?
SARAH JANE: Plenty of times. Oh, I should be angry with you, breaking in there. It's what I'd do, isn't it? Oh, look at you. I've made you all so suspicious. But this is a happy thing, and I want you all to be part of it. It isn't the end of the world. So thanks, but there's no need to sneak around or worry about anything.
RANI: So when's the wedding?
SARAH JANE: End of next week.
LUKE: Next week?
SARAH JANE: Well, at my age, why wait?
CLYDE: You what? That's mad.
SARAH JANE: Peter had it all on standby. A nice hotel in the country. You're all invited. And you, Luke, you can give me away.
LUKE: Do I have to do a speech?
K9: I will help, Master Luke.
RANI: Oh, it'll be full of robot jokes, will it?
CLYDE: Don't you think it's a bit fast?
SARAH JANE: Oh, you're telling me, I've got so much to arrange. A lot of changes.

(The diamonds glow again.)

MR SMITH: Sarah Jane, anomaly detected.
SARAH JANE: That reminds me. First big change. Mister Smith, commence deactivation program.
MR SMITH: But Sarah Jane, I have detected an impulse registering
SARAH JANE: Initiate total deactivation, Mister Smith. Protocol five.
MR SMITH: Complying. Goodbye, Sarah Jane.
CLYDE: No, Sarah Jane! He was trying to tell us something.
SARAH JANE: The world can look after itself. I'm busy with something normal for a change, and I don't want anything, any of this getting in the way.
LUKE: You haven't told Peter about our thing, what we do?
SARAH JANE: Why should I? Perhaps I never will. Perhaps that's the solution.
CLYDE: What? I don't like this.
SARAH JANE: I know what'll stop you worrying, Clyde. You can dog sit for me. You can look after K9.
CLYDE: What? What, really? What do I say to my mum?
SARAH JANE: Oh, come on, Clyde Langer, when have you ever been short of excuses? Oh, and Rani, keep Saturday free. Dress shopping. You're going to make a lovely bridesmaid.
RANI: You're on! And there's that wedding fair.
SARAH JANE: I know. And your mum can do the flowers before she asks. Right, come on, everybody out. Things to do. Come on.
CLYDE: K9, walkies!
SARAH JANE: And goodbye to all that.

(She turns off the lights and locks the door behind her.)

VOICE [OC]: Bwahahahahahaha!

[Outside the Hotel]

(Two weeks later, the wedding. Luke and Clyde in suits with white rosebud buttonholes. Clyde is still wearing white trainers, though.)

PETER: What have you got there?
LUKE: A message from our friend Maria. She couldn't make it. She's got exams and her dad's tied up at work.
CLYDE: My mum's at another wedding, yeah, because this was too short notice. It's all been so fast. And the Brigadier's her oldest friend, of course, but he's back in Peru. Have you got any family coming, Peter?
PETER: I'm afraid I'm the only one left.
REGISTRAR: Mister Dalton?
PETER: End of the line. Be back in a sec.
REGISTRAR: Can I have a word?
CLYDE: There's something so weird about all this.
LUKE: You didn't have to come, Clyde.
CLYDE: I wouldn't miss this. What if something happens?
LUKE: Just because your dad turned out bad doesn't mean mine will.
CLYDE: He's not your dad.
LUKE: He's going to be. Don't spoil my mum's day.
GITA: Is this it? That's Emma, does her hair. Clarissa, used to be her editor. Oh, that's her accountant. I can't remember his name.
HARESH: You must be slipping.
GITA: Bit of a sorry turnout. I suppose that's what happens when you rush to get married.
HARESH: It is rather peculiar. Marry in haste, repent at leisure, they say.
GITA: Trust you to be the voice of doom, Haresh. Smile.
HARESH: Congratulations.
PETER: Thank you.
LUKE: Hello, everybody. Welcome. It's time, so if you'd like to go in.
GITA: So, Peter, where are you heading after the reception? Somewhere exotic?
PETER: Afterwards is a surprise.

[Hotel reception]

GITA: It can't be any worse than our honeymoon. Total disaster.
HARESH: I enjoyed it.
GITA: Brussels. There's nothing there!

[Outside the Hotel]

(Luke is waiting for the bride to arrive. She does so in a white Rolls Royce, and wearing a white dress.)

LUKE: Mum.

(Her bridesmaid is in pink.)

LUKE: Rani, you look good.
RANI: I look good?
LUKE: You look amazing. Both of you. I thought you might have wanted the Doctor to give you away.
SARAH JANE: I need somebody reliable, and I'm so very, very glad it's you. Besides, where would I send the invite? Metebelis Three?

(Rani turns at the sound of time engines.)

[Wedding room]

GITA: Look at our Rani. It only seems like yesterday she was in pigtails. Oh, Sarah looks so happy. It's just like a fairy tale.
HARESH: Pull yourself together.

(The metal dog is under a table.)

CLYDE: K9, scan.
K9: All normal, Master Clyde.
CLYDE: Yeah, so far.
LUKE: You brought the dog?
CLYDE: Well, what did you think was under there, the wedding cake? There's something wrong about this.
REGISTRAR: Good afternoon, everyone, I'm the Superintendent Registrar. We are here today to witness the marriage of Sarah Jane Smith and Peter Anthony Dalton. In each other's company they have found happiness, fulfilment and love, and they wish to affirm their relationship with this marriage. Now, I have to ask this question. If any person can show just cause or impediment why they may not be joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

(She is almost drowned out by the TARDIS engines. David Tennant runs in.)

DOCTOR: Stop this wedding now!
SARAH JANE: What?
GITA: What's going on?
HARESH: Who the hell is that?
LUKE: I don't believe it.
RANI: Who's he?
K9: Master!
DOCTOR: I said, stop this wedding.

(A strong wind blows through the room.)

K9: Alert! Alert! Danger, Mistress!
DOCTOR: Stop! Get away from him!
SARAH JANE: No! Peter, no!
PETER: Don't be afraid, Sarah Jane. It's the Angel.

(A faceless figure in white appears.)

RANI: The Trickster!
LUKE: Mum! Mum!
DOCTOR: Sarah! Trickster, let her go!
TRICKSTER: Too late, Time Lord. You're mine, Sarah Jane Smith. Mine forever.
DOCTOR: Sarah!
SARAH JANE: Doctor!

(The Trickster, Peter and Sarah Jane vanish.)

Part Two

[Wedding room]

DOCTOR: Luke? Luke Smith.

(Luke wakes up lying on the floor.)

LUKE: Doctor?
DOCTOR: That's me. Good to meet you in the flesh.
LUKE: What, what happened? Mum and the Trickster.
DOCTOR: Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke, listen to me. Everything's going to be all right. I can find Sarah. I can bring her back. I promise. But I need you to be strong for me, just like you were before. I know you can do it.

(Clyde and Rani wake up.)

CLYDE: Who are you?
DOCTOR: Hello, Clyde. And that will be Rani.
CLYDE: What? How'd you know my name?
RANI: Wait a moment. You must be. It's you, isn't it?
DOCTOR: That's me.
RANI: The Doctor.
LUKE: That's him.
CLYDE: I hope you're as good as Sarah Jane says you are.
DOCTOR: Well, you know journalists, always exaggerating. But yeah, I'm pretty amazing on a good day.
K9: Master, query. Where is Mistress Sarah Jane?
DOCTOR: K9! Did you miss me. Did you miss me, eh?
K9: Repeat. Whereabouts of Sarah Jane? Where is she?
CLYDE: Where are we?
DOCTOR: There's been a dimensional shift. Time's moved on but us, and this entire building, we've been left behind.
RANI: There's nothing out there.

(The hotel, and the bit of ground it stands on, are floating in white limbo.)

CLYDE: I said all along, I knew there was something wrong about all of this. And what exactly is going on?
DOCTOR: I'll explain later.

(The three speak at once. The Doctor silences them with a football rattle.)

DOCTOR: Shush. Here's the answer to all your questions. Yes, that was the Trickster. Yes, we're trapped. Yes, I'm the only one who can get us out of the trap. Yes, I'm going to bring Sarah Jane, and your mum and dad, and all the others back safe, but I can't do any of it without you.
CLYDE: You, you need us?
DOCTOR: Just like Sarah Jane needs you.
RANI: My mum and dad, where are they?
LUKE: Just go along with him, Rani. I saw him save the world.
DOCTOR: You helped me save the world, Lukey boy. Right. Come on, we can use the TARDIS. I assume everybody knows what the TARDIS is, unless you've really not been paying attention. And, allons-y!

[Hotel reception]

DOCTOR: Oh, no, no, no, no. It was there. It was right there. Wait, wait, wait.

(The TARDIS starts to materialise.)

RANI: That noise. I've heard it before.
DOCTOR: That was me, trying to break through. Got knocked back by the Trickster.
K9: Temporal schism is preventing TARDIS materialisation.
CLYDE: Wait a minute. That's the TARDIS? It's just a wooden box.
DOCTOR: Come on, you can do it. More power. Come on!

(The TARDIS fades away.)

DOCTOR: Okay, got no TARDIS. It can't materialise here until time moves forward.
RANI: What, so we're trapped here, wherever this is?
DOCTOR: No. Because what have I got? I've got K9.
K9: Affirmative.
DOCTOR: And I've got you three. And any friend of Sarah Jane Smith is a friend of mine.
CLYDE: But where is this? What's happened to the rest of the world?
K9: Our present location nowhere, no when.
LUKE: No when?
DOCTOR: Look at the clocks.
LUKE: Time's stopped.
CLYDE: What? You're joking.
LUKE: No. Time hasn't stopped. This second's on a loop. Twenty three seconds and twenty three minutes past three o'clock.
DOCTOR: And we're caught inside it. In this one second.
CLYDE: But again, where is Sarah Jane?
DOCTOR: I think she's right here.

[Wedding room]

SARAH JANE: What happened?
PETER: Don't worry, Sarah Jane.
SARAH JANE: Peter, what's going on? Where is everybody?
PETER: Everything's going to be fine.

(The diamonds on her engagement ring glow red.)

PETER: We're about to be married. This is our perfect day.
SARAH JANE: Another man. The Doctor?
PETER: Sarah Jane, please listen to me. All you have to say is I do, and then we'll be together.
SARAH JANE: I'm so confused. What's happened, where are we?
PETER: You don't understand. Just say you'll marry me. Say I do.
SARAH JANE: Of course we're getting married. Oh, but there's another man. Always. The Doctor. Where's the Doctor? Doctor!

(Sarah stretches out her arm, and sees the diamonds glowing.)

SARAH JANE: No. No!

(She pulls off the ring and throws it down on the floor.)

[Hotel reception]

RANI: So we've been kept behind in this second.
K9: Affirmative Mistress Rani.
RANI: But the rest of the world, Mum and Dad and everyone else, they've moved on from here, forwards in time. Why has the Trickster trapped us here?
DOCTOR: Oh, come on, Rani. You know the answer to that.
RANI: We're Sarah Jane's friends, all of us. Her best friends.
DOCTOR: Yeah. Which means?
RANI: Hostages. He can use us to get at her.
CLYDE: We've met the Trickster before, but we've never found out who he is.
DOCTOR: The Trickster is a creature from beyond the universe. Forever trying to break in to our reality, manifest himself. He's one of the Pantheon of Discord.
CLYDE: That's a good name for a band.
DOCTOR: Yeah, actually, not bad. He's an eternal exile, who exists to wreak havoc. But we can fight him, the five of us. And we can win.

(His sonic screwdriver starts beeping.)

DOCTOR: Oh! Ha, that's it. A time trace. Just a hint of Sarah Jane. Ooo, she's close.

[Wedding room]

SARAH JANE: The moment you put that ring on my finger, I was your puppet.
PETER: It isn't like that. It was in case something went wrong. The Angel said that people would try and stop us being happy. Listen, I'll explain.
SARAH JANE: The Angel? Of course. I saw him. The Trickster!
PETER: Sarah Jane?

[Hotel reception]

SARAH JANE: Doctor, where are you?

(Sarah Jane walks through what is to her an empty area. Rani shivers.)

RANI: What was that? Felt like someone just walked over my grave.
DOCTOR: Oh, oh, oh, she's here. She's here! Sarah!
RANI: Sarah Jane. She doesn't like being called Sarah.
DOCTOR: She does by me. K9?
K9: Scanning, Master.
SARAH JANE: Doctor! Doctor!
LUKE: Mum. That was her.
DOCTOR: K9, isolate the time trace.
K9: Affirmative, Master.
DOCTOR: K9?
K9: Temporal schism divided in two, Master.
DOCTOR: Yes, of course. We're trapped here in 3:23:23. and Sarah Jane's trapped too, just in another second.
CLYDE: Hold on. You said you'd explain later. Well, it's later. Please explain.
DOCTOR: The Trickster doesn't want us helping Sarah, so he's separated us, trapped us in two different seconds.

(In the other second.)

PETER: Sarah Jane. I want to tell you about the Angel.
SARAH JANE: Doctor! A time trap.

(She runs up the stairs.)

SARAH JANE [OC]: Doctor.
DOCTOR: Oh, oh, she's upstairs. Come on. Luke, K9, watch for the TARDIS, you see it coming back, shout the place down.
K9: Orders accepted, Master.
DOCTOR: You two with me. Spit spot.

[Wedding room]

(Sarah Jane goes through a door labelled 2nd floor 201-230 and into -)

SARAH JANE: It's not possible.
PETER: We can't run away, Sarah Jane.
SARAH JANE: The one time I fall in love, the one time everything goes right, and it's a trap. I thought I loved you, but you aren't even real.
PETER: You do love me. I'm here, flesh and blood.
SARAH JANE: Are you? And I was worried about my secrets. Well, it turned out you were hiding something pretty big, weren't you?
PETER: I only kept one secret. I knew you wouldn't believe me. You'd think I was mad. That's why I never told you about the Angel.
SARAH JANE: The Angel? That's what you call him, but he, it, it's a creature, an alien being.
PETER: Please, listen, I'll tell you everything. Please. A few months ago I was working from home. Had a stupid accident, fell down the stairs. I thought I was going to die, then he appeared.
TRICKSTER [memory]: Peter. I can give you life, and the true love you've always longed for. All you have to do is give me your agreement. Do I have your agreement?
PETER [memory]: Yes.
SARAH JANE: Then you are real. Oh Peter, he tricked you.
PETER: No. He found you for me. He wanted us to be happy.
SARAH JANE: Then why the ring? Why hypnotise me?
PETER: He said it would protect you. You accepted my proposal before the ring went on. You said you loved me before the ring went on. Didn't you love me? Didn't you mean it?
SARAH JANE: Oh, Peter.

(They embrace. Meanwhile, back in the 23rd second, the Doctor, Clyde and Rani run in.)

RANI: How did we end up here again?
CLYDE: It's a spatial loop mixed up with a temporal loop.
RANI: How did you work that one out?
CLYDE: Well, we've been doing this for a while now. I have taken notes.
DOCTOR: Come on, come on, come on, Sarah. Let me find you.

(And in Sarah Jane's moment -)

SARAH JANE: And now for the things I never told you. I've fought him before. I fight creatures like him. That is my life. And he's used my past, my parents, against me, and now he's using you.
PETER: He saved me. He brought us together.
SARAH JANE: I'll show you what he is. Trickster? Trickster!
TRICKSTER: Sarah Jane Smith.
SARAH JANE: Why have you done this? What do you want?
TRICKSTER: I want you to be happy.

(Whilst -)

RANI: Hang on, though. This is mad. The Trickster, he's this all-powerful immortal who wants to cause chaos throughout the stars, and he wants Sarah Jane to get married. What does he get out of that?
SARAH JANE: You want us to get married. And then what?
TRICKSTER: You will forget all that has happened here as though it has never been, and then here is the life you will lead.

(A vision of the possible future.)

HARESH: Mister and Mrs Dalton.

(Cheers and throwing confetti.)

(Cleaning the attic.)

SARAH JANE: All done?
PETER: I've finally got all the junk cleared out.
SARAH JANE: Right, decorator's due on Monday. Turn this into a proper little office.

(And back to the moment.)

TRICKSTER: I will bring you happiness.
SARAH JANE: But what's the price? There's got to be a catch. With you there always is.
PETER: Sarah Jane, all you have to say is I do.
TRICKSTER: And if you don't, you will remain here forever.
SARAH JANE: Then so be it.
TRICKSTER: So will Peter. And so will your son and your friends. You'll condemn them to remain here. This place is nowhere. And it's forever.

(The Trickster vanishes.)

SARAH JANE: Now do you see? Now do you see what he is.
PETER: It doesn't matter. You can save them, Luke and the others.

(He holds up the wedding ring. Meanwhile -)

DOCTOR: She's here. If I can narrow the link ratio.
TRICKSTER: Doctor.

(Back in its black robe.)

DOCTOR: Ah. You look better in black. Or is white the new black?
TRICKSTER: At last. Doctor. I could feel this moment reverberating back through the ages. The meeting of the Pantheon of Discord and the last of the Time Lords.
DOCTOR: I've known the legends of the Pantheon since I was a little boy. I've fought your shadows and your changelings. I never thought we'd actually meet.
TRICKSTER: And I know the legends of the Doctor. The man of ice and fire, who walked among gods, who once held the Key to Time in his hands. Now he is surrounded by children.
DOCTOR: They're my friends. Which reminds me, you're looking a bit lonely for a Pantheon.
TRICKSTER: I embody multitudes. And who are you, the man who has lost everybody, to talk to me of loneliness, when the Gate is waiting for you?
DOCTOR: What do you mean?
TRICKSTER: Sarah Jane Smith is my prize. Even you, Doctor, didn't realise how wonderful she is.
DOCTOR: What do you want with her?
TRICKSTER: What I always want from any of those I visit. Her agreement. Goodbye, Doctor.

(The Trickster vanishes.)

DOCTOR: Her agreement. The power of words. She says I do, and. Yes, that's it!
CLYDE: That's what?
DOCTOR: She promises to love and honour her husband, the wedding ring goes on and then she's agreed to it. She's totally under the Trickster's power. Marital bliss, but she forgets all about this. She starts living a new life.
RANI: Forgetting about her old life protecting the Earth.
CLYDE: And the planet's wide open, so aliens can just barge in?
DOCTOR: Without Sarah, without you lot saving the world from your attic in Ealing, there'll be chaos and destruction. Meat and drink to the Trickster.
CLYDE: As if she's gonna say yes.
DOCTOR: But she will, won't she. Because we're here.

(Time engines.)

DOCTOR: TARDIS! Beautiful. Yes! It's homing in on me. Emergency program, protecting the pilot. Of course. Partial materialisation.
LUKE: What's happening?
DOCTOR: Look, that's pure artron energy. TARDIS power. Equal and opposite to the Trickster's power. That's how we can fight him.

(The Doctor unlocks the TARDIS door.)

DOCTOR: Run!

(A strong wind is pushing them back.)

RANI: Doctor!
DOCTOR: Come on, all of you, get in. Come on now.

(The Doctor manages to grab Clyde's hand, but he can't pull him in. The door slams shut and Clyde is held against it with artron energy playing all over him. The TARDIS dematerialises.)

LUKE: Clyde!
RANI: It's just us then.
LUKE: You all right?
CLYDE: Yeah. I think. He'll come back for us, won't he?
RANI: What if he can't?
LUKE: He will. I'll wait here for him. You check with K9.

[Hotel reception]

RANI: The Doctor said the power of the TARDIS could fight the Trickster. Something energy.
K9: Artron energy. Residue of TARDIS engines. Known to be highly inimical to certain time-sensitive life forms.
RANI: There is no TARDIS.

(Clyde sees a ball of energy in the palm of his hand.)

CLYDE: Whoa.
RANI: What's that?
K9: Artron energy, Mistress Rani.
CLYDE: And I got a shot of it.
RANI: Then we can fight him?.
CLYDE: No. I can fight him.

[Wedding room]

PETER: We can forget all this madness. You saw. We'll be married, we'll be together. Luke and the others, we can all go home.
SARAH JANE: Oh, it would be so easy. But that's how he works. That's his deadliest weapon, temptation. I'm not making that mistake again.
PETER: But you'd never know.
SARAH JANE: Peter, he wants me to stop me defending Earth.

[Hotel reception]

CLYDE: I can get close to the Trickster with this.
RANI: Clyde, you can't. You don't know what you're doing.
CLYDE: When has that ever stopped us? It's what Sarah Jane would do. It's what the Doctor taught her. I've got no choice.
RANI: Please, don't do this.

(Clyde opens the front doors of the hotel.)

CLYDE: Trickster!

(The Trickster appears in the white mist of limbo.)

TRICKSTER: Clyde Langer. Why do you call me?
CLYDE: I wish to serve you. I wish to join the Pantheon.
RANI: Clyde, no!

[Limbo]

TRICKSTER: You are of no importance.
CLYDE: I know something. A secret. Something that can help you.
TRICKSTER: You know nothing. You have the mind of a chittering insect. Be gone.

(The Trickster waves his hand and Clyde grabs it.)

CLYDE: Gotcha.
TRICKSTER: Argh!

[Wedding room]

PETER: Please.

(The TARDIS materialises and the Doctor opens the door.)

DOCTOR: Sarah.
SARAH JANE: Doctor.
DOCTOR: Got to be quick. The TARDIS can't stabilise. Clyde's keeping the Trickster busy for the moment. Oh, those three are just brilliant.
SARAH JANE: Doctor, what can I do? If I say no, we're trapped here forever. If I say yes, I condemn the world to the Trickster. Either way I lose. There's no way out.
DOCTOR: It all rests with you, Sarah. Your greatest challenge. The hardest thing you'll ever face in your life.
SARAH JANE: What is it? Tell me what I've got to do.
DOCTOR: You've fought the Trickster before. You know how he operates, how he can be defeated.
SARAH JANE: Oh, no. No.
DOCTOR: I know you're a good man, Peter. I'm so sorry.

(Clyde and the Trickster appear, screaming.)

SARAH JANE: Clyde!
CLYDE: I can't hold it.

(He lets the Trickster go. The TARDIS dematerialises.)

SARAH JANE: Doctor! Clyde, no.

(Clyde has collapsed.)

SARAH JANE: Peter, I do love you, but the Doctor's right. There is another way out.
TRICKSTER: Do not listen to her lies.
SARAH JANE: Your accident. He can only talk to people who are about to die. He comes to them in that final moment. He gives them back their life.
PETER: What do you mean?
SARAH JANE: Clyde and Rani said your house was empty. Why did you never let me see your house? You died in that accident, Peter. But he needed you, so he kept you half alive. And if we got married the bargain would be complete. He would bring you back to life.
PETER: Your love brought me back to life. How can that be wrong, to save a life?
SARAH JANE: Look at this, this is what he'll do to millions of people unless, unless you break your deal with him.

(She cradles the unconscious Clyde in her lap.)

PETER: But I'll lose you. I'll die. I don't want you to be alone.
SARAH JANE: I love you but I can't love you. You said you'd do anything to save me. If you love me, you know what you have to do.
TRICKSTER: No.
PETER: You got one thing exactly right. Sarah Jane and I, we were made for each other. we're the perfect match. And I know what she would do.
TRICKSTER: But I chose you because you didn't have the strength.
PETER: You really don't know my Sarah Jane, do you? She gave me the strength. And I withdraw my agreement.
TRICKSTER: No!

(And disappears.)

PETER: So, here I go. I wish I'd always known you.
SARAH JANE: I love you, Peter.
PETER: And I love you, Sarah Jane Dalton.

(Peter disappears in a shower of sparkles. The Doctor, Luke and Rani run in, followed at a distance by K9.)

LUKE: Mum.
SARAH JANE: Luke. Doctor. Oh, Doctor.
DOCTOR: My Sarah Jane. You did it. The trap's broken. Time's moving forward again, We're going home.
LUKE: Hold on!
DOCTOR: We're all going home.
REGISTRAR: If any person can show just cause or impediment why they may not be joined together let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

(Everyone is back where they started, except for two.)

GITA: Where's he gone? Sarah's bloke, where's he gone?
HARESH: He was just there.
LUKE: Where's The Doctor gone?
RANI: That all really happened, didn't it?
CLYDE: Yeah.
K9: Affirmative.
LUKE: Mum?
SARAH JANE: I'm sorry, everybody. I'm afraid the wedding is cancelled.

[Attic]

(Sarah Jane is sitting with K9. She has changed out of her dress.)

SARAH JANE: Mister Smith, I need you.
MR SMITH: Welcome back, Sarah Jane.

(Luke, Clyde and Rani enter, still in their wedding outfits.)

LUKE: Mum, are you all right?
SARAH JANE: I'm going to be fine, I've got you, haven't I?
LUKE: I can't believe the Doctor ran off like that.
SARAH JANE: Sudden disappearing acts. That's him all over.
SMITH: Sarah Jane, escalation of temporal flux.
K9: Temporal flux escalating.

(The TARDIS finds a place to park herself.)

SARAH JANE: Doctor.
DOCTOR: What do you take me for, Sarah? Just thought I'd go the quick way. Ooo, I like it in here.
RANI: Can we have a look?
DOCTOR: What, in the TARDIS? My TARDIS! Course you can, yeah.

[TARDIS]

CLYDE: Oh, wow. It really is, isn't it? It's bigger on the inside.
RANI: It's beautiful.
LUKE: Transcendental dimensions.
CLYDE: Wow, what does this do?
SARAH JANE: Hey, don't touch. You came all that way for me.
DOCTOR: You're so important. Not just to me. The Trickster wanted to end your story, but it goes on. The things you've done, Sarah, they're pretty impressive, but, oh, the things you're going to do.
LUKE: The future. How about we could go for a ride?
CLYDE: Or back. To the dinosaurs, yeah?
RANI: Another planet?
SARAH JANE: No way. For one thing, you were grounded by the Judoon. And your parents would never forgive me. Go on.

(Luke, Rani and Clyde leave.)

SARAH JANE: Is this the last time I'm ever going to see you?
DOCTOR: I don't know. I hope not.
SARAH JANE: Goodbye, Doctor, until the next time.
DOCTOR: Don't forget me, Sarah Jane.
SARAH JANE: No one's ever going to forget you.

[Attic]

(The TARDIS dematerialises.)

CLYDE: You were right. He is amazing.
SARAH JANE: And so are we.

Transcript originally provided by Chrissie. Adapted by TARDIS.guide. The transcripts are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.

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