The Diary of River Song

#2.01. The Unknown ~ 10/10

◆ An Introduction

Series Two begins with an episode featuring high amounts of technobabble, which should be a recipe for disaster. Thankfully, Guy Adams made something exceptionally fun and creative instead.

◆ Publisher’s Summary

A planetary anomaly. A scientific impossibility. A mystery to be solved.

Of course, River Song expects to be consulted. She expects her valuable knowledge and experience will help the crew of the Saturnius unlock the strange phenomenon that has appeared in Earth’s solar system.

But what River doesn't expect is a stowaway. An infuriating little man, calling himself the Doctor.

◆ Prof. River Song

Alex Kingston has settled into the audio adventures quite nicely, delivering a confident performance for ‘The Unknown’.

If there’s one thing she knows, then it’s prison etiquette. River hasn’t a clue what’s going on, for once – it’s not something she’s used to, and it’s making her absolutely livid! She’s got a reasonable amount of experience when it comes to temporal problems. Hearing River properly punch Murphy in the face towards the conclusion was marvellous!

◆ The Seventh Doctor

Sylvester McCoy – the first incarnation we’re meeting up with in Series Two – puts on a magnificent show for this episode.

He has a smattering of experience when it comes to temporal problems, but refuses to elaborate in front of Prof. Song. One of his best friends is an archaeologist (nice way to mention Benny). He’s not even remotely human. The Doctor apparently holds the patent to the sonic screwdriver.

◆ Story Recap

The TARDIS and the Saturnius have both collided with a mysterious new planet… and all three objects just so happened to be halfway between physical space and the time vortex: that’s why nobody can recall how long they’ve been travelling, or details about their past.

◆ Dalí Painting

‘The Unknown’ is the sort of episode that would do exceedingly well as an animation, because it features reality bending visuals – the Saturnius stretching and melting like something out of a Salvador Dalí painting, its walls merging with that of the Doctor’s own TARDIS, as seen on the cover art.

This is far from the first time we’ve heard Guy Adams do something utterly bonkers and trippy, because he also penned the critically acclaimed ‘Tick-Tock World’ for the David Bradley team.

◆ Sound Design

I’m not a professional sound artist – nor do I claim to be – but I can these are the sort of episodes they dream about: getting the opportunity to depict reality bending and abstract environments. Howard Carter did a magnificent job.

Bleeping instruments aboard the bridge of the Saturnius, the digitized voice of its on-board computer droning away. Murphy starts smacking the engines with a blunt instrument, causing them to go haywire. Otherworldly howling winds whoosh through the engine bay. The entire Saturnius begins shaking itself apart while attempting a course correction. Physical reality warps around the crew; metal and flesh melting in unison. Creaking metal as corridors restructure themselves. Murphy duplicates as reality continues to corrode. Clucking chickens and mooing cows appear in the ship’s larder, because time is reverting all their meat packs into cattle! The Cloister Bells chime.

◆ Conclusion

“Physics is about to have a day off!”

A three-way collision between a human spaceship, the TARDIS, and a mysterious planet on the edge of the solar system. You could walk away from most space traffic accidents relatively fine… but this event has caused reality to start melting!

Guy Adams has given us the audio equivalent of a Dalí painting, with reality bending visuals that would look stunning if animated… please, someone animate this one. Series Two is off to an amazing start.