[The laboratory]

DARIUS: We’re not even sure it was a Jixen that was tailing us. It had some serious speed on it for a two-tonne amphibian.
GRYFFEN: Well, that’s what this analysis will tell us. K9?

(K9 performs a scan.)

K9: Affirmative. Mucus samples loaded with enough Jixen pheromones to cover a Kaldarian Bedmite.
JORJIE: That doesn’t sound very impressive.
K9: Kaldarian Bedmites have reached 30 metres in height and girth.
JORJIE: Oh. Note to self: no sleepovers on Kaldaria.

(Darius is distracted by the news.)

REPORTER: (On monitor) There has been another attack on the CCPC in which one unit was held up and another kidnapped. Reports are sketchy at this time but it’s apparent that the group calling themselves the Last Precinct have claimed responsibility.
GRYFFEN: Darius.
DARIUS: Yeah, that’s good, prof.
REPORTER: (On monitor) Witnesses report they were extremely ruthless…
GRYFFEN: If you can’t keep your mind on the task at hand, perhaps you could rustle up some tea and biscuits.
REPORTER: (On monitor) … cyber-purge of all cyborg civil servants including the CCPC…
JORJIE: What is your obsession with the CCPC and newscasts lately?
STARKEY: K9, can you scan Darius to see if he might be developing a social conscience?
K9: Negative, Starkey. This unit does not have the power to perform such a labour-intensive operation.
DARIUS: You’ve got opinions on everything. Why don’t you do us all a favour and keep them to yourself?
STARKEY: Whoa, hold on, Darius.
DARIUS: You too, Starkey! Look at you, all against me with your little jokes. A nice, tight-knit little family unit, aren’t you? Me? I’m just the hired help.

(Darius leaves.)

K9: I’m guessing that’s what you humans call “hitting a raw circuit”.
STARKEY: Raw nerve, K9, nerve. But, yeah, you’re right.

[The garage]

(Darius is sat in Mariah.)

MARIAH: Are you sure you don’t want to talk to me about it, handsome?
DARIUS: Yeah, thanks but no thanks. Handsome?
MARIAH: I meant “handsome” as in “Hansom cab driver”. Except that I’m mechanical and automated, obviously. I’ll be quiet now.
DARIUS: Yeah, good idea, Mariah.

(Starkey enters.)

STARKEY: What’s that, Darius? Come in? Yeah? No. Did you hear the one about the android who got bitten by a mad dog? He got robies.

(Darius chuckles.)

DARIUS: That stinks worse than Jixen business.
STARKEY: Yeah. Hey, listen, Darius. I’m really sorry if we hit a raw circuit… nerve earlier.
DARIUS: No problem. I shouldn’t have gone off my nut like that. It’s just this…
STARKEY: What is it?
DARIUS: It’s just this Last Precinct group.
STARKEY: The stuff on the news?
DARIUS: Yeah, but it’s old news to me.

(The doorbell rings.)

STARKEY: Huh. What now?

[The main hall]

(Gryffen is at the door. Two CCPCs are outside.)

GRYFFEN: Illegal experiments? I think you have the wrong house number.
CCPC: CCPC intel reports that this is…
GRYFFEN: Look, officer unit. Take it up with Inspector June Turner at the Department.

(Gryffen goes to close the door. The CCPCs burst in.)

CCPC: Stand aside.
GRYFFEN: Excuse me!
K9: There’s something odd about that CCPC’s energy signal.
CCPC: Shut it, Poindexter.
K9: Gryffen, alert. That CCPC unit cannot be functioning it…

(A CCPC fires a weapon at K9.)

GRYFFEN: K9!
JORJIE: No!
GRYFFEN: That’s not standard issue. You’re not CCPC. What are you?
JORJIE: Command override dash 5-9-7 delta. (It has no effect.) What? I don’t understand. That should have worked. I half-inched those codes off Mum. Don’t hurt him!
CCPC: Take it easy.
JORJIE: Starkey! Darius!
CCPC: You’re all under house arrest. Do not resist.

(The CCPC removes his helmet. He is actually a human, Halloran.)

HALLORAN: And don’t lose your heads.
JORJIE: Human. They’re all human.
HALLORAN: No, sunshine. Just me. My comrade here is CCPC through and through, with a few minor adjustments.
GRYFFEN: Get out of my house!

(Pike and another CCPC are upstairs.)

PIKE: Your house? This isn’t your house, Professor Gryffen. It’s ours. Always was, hence our use of a secret entrance unknown even by you. Welcome to the final stand of the Last Precinct.
GRYFFEN: Well, thank you for the invite.

(Starkey and Darius enter.)

STARKEY: Hey, what’s all the commotion?
DARIUS: You. What are you doing here?
HALLORAN: Do you know this boy, Sergeant Pike?
PIKE: Yes, I know him. His name is Darius Pike. He’s my son.

[Street]

(CCPCs approach the manor.)

[Camo]

(Thorne and a technician are watching a screen.)

PIKE: (On monitor) We hereby commandeer this police station in the name of the Last Precinct. Our demands are as follows: 1, the immediate deactivation of all CCPC units. 2, the CCPC cloning plant be shut down within 48 hours. 3…
THORNE: Shut it off.
TECHNICIAN: But surveillance protocol stipulates that…
THORNE: It’s on a loop, you fool. The only thing I’m getting from it is déjà vu and the only thing I’m getting from it is déjà vu. There, the only humorous thing I’ll say in my life wasted on you.

(June enters.)

JUNE: What’s going on, Thorne?
THORNE: Ah, speaking of humourless.
JUNE: A bunch of radicals holding acquaintances of mine hostage isn’t a laughing matter. I’m just glad Jorjie’s studying at the library today. Oh, no.
THORNE: Oh, yes.

(On the monitor, the CCPCs are blocked from reaching the manor by a forcefield.)

JUNE: Override the mansion security system.
THORNE: We’ve tried. They’ve changed the codes. They’re using our own security systems against us.
JUNE: Then cut the mansion’s power.
THORNE: Tried, can’t. Which part of “usurped total control” don’t you understand?
JUNE: Oh, Jorjie. Full briefing, then get me their leader on vidlink. Now.

[The main hall]

(The CCPCs push Starkey, Darius, Jorjie and Gryffen towards the chess room door with K9.)

STARKEY: Oi, get off. K9’s still offline.

(June appears on a monitor.)

JUNE: (On monitor) This is Department Inspector June Turner. Who am I talking to?

[Camo]

PIKE: (On monitor) Sergeant Harry Pike, formerly of the Metro Police.
JUNE: As in dishonourably discharged? As in two years ago charged with trespass and resisting arrest?
PIKE: (On monitor) We were standing up for our rights! Your negotiation skills need a little bit of work there, Inspector.
JUNE: I’ll cut to the chase. You have children in the house. I urge you to let them go. Deal with me.
PIKE: (On monitor) Oh, yeah? And if I was to so let one go, which one would you choose?
JUNE: The girl. I’m told her name is Jorjie.
PIKE: (On monitor) As in Jorjie Turner? As in your daughter? Don’t look so shocked, Inspector. I’ve been in the game for decades. I’ve read all the files.
JUNE: If you’ve hurt her…

[The main hall]

JORJIE: Mum, I’m all right!

[Camo]

JUNE: Jorjie? Pike, I swear if you touch her…
PIKE: (On monitor) Come off it, what do you take me for?
JUNE: Since you’re asking, a dangerous and disturbed fanatic who uses guerilla warfare to achieve his aims and doesn’t care who he harms in the process.
PIKE: (On monitor) Oh, let’s not get too high and mighty about the harm. It was you, Inspector Turner, who backed the replacement of human law enforcers with cyborgs!
JUNE: It was agreed by everybody in the Department.
PIKE: (On monitor) That doesn’t make your blame any the less! You approved the worst decision ever taken by the government!
JUNE: I’m terminating this debate now.

[The main hall]

(June ends the call.)

PIKE: Guerillas? Fanatics?
GRYFFEN: You should be flattered. You’re home invaders at best.
PIKE: You can’t invade your own home.
GRYFFEN: This is my home!
PIKE: Before the Department annexed it, this was the last operational police station in London, the very one that we were dragged out of by the CCPC for refusing to surrender our jobs to cyborgs.
DARIUS: It’s a pity you weren’t as fond of the house you walked out of in the middle of the night two years ago.

(Pike leaves. Gryffen touches Darius’s shoulder, but he shrugs him off. K9 reactivates.)

K9: Disconnected. Intruder alert. Course of action: neutralise. Well, once my weapons and my navigation programs are back online.
STARKEY: Not like you to get knocked about by a terrestrial weapon.
K9: Assumption correct, young master. My living metal antibodies are currently able to deal with 99% of terrestrial weaponry. The weapon used on me is not completely of this Earth or this time.
PIKE: Oh, get with the programme. The Department has been installing extraterrestrial material in their latest CCPCs for the past six months and we have been harvesting it and putting it to our own use.
GRYFFEN: Inspector Turner specifically opposed the use of alien tech in CCPCs.
PIKE: Well, she can oppose it until she’s blue in the face. She’s not the one that’s doing it. She keeps pretty bad company, your mum.

(Pike pulls an organic green protrusion out of a CCPC.)

K9: Alien biomechanical component detected. Species of origin: unidentified.
PIKE: Unidentified because it’s been altered by the Department, twisted and mutated to serve their function, and there’s one of these in the heart of every Mark II CCPC walking around out there.

(Starkey whispers to K9.)

STARKEY: Weapons online yet?
K9: Repair 60% complete.
PIKE: Two can play at this game. Halloran was able to utilise the CCPC’s add-in biotech. Created weapons for us to use against them. We’ve got him to thank for this little number. He was one of the greatest forensic scientists in the world until they tossed him aside like an old shoe. (Pike inserts a small green device into the protrusion.) Now the world will see the CCPC for what they really are: unreliable alien machines ready to malfunction at any moment. Tick, tick, tick.
K9: Warning. Unstable cybernetic bioagent reaction detected. Level 9 biomechanical virus incubated. HALLORAN: It is not unstable! We conducted numerous tests. This virus is gene-spliced to override the Department’s control and replace it with ours. We’re in charge here.
K9: That may be your plan, but I can tell you it’s not working.
HALLORAN: The dog is barking mad. Somebody should take it outside.

(K9’s systems identify Halloran as a Rude Boy with bad breath.)

PIKE: Initiate biomech transmission protocols.
CCPC: Yes, sir.

(The CCPC touches another.)

HALLORAN: They will literally be out of the Department’s control. Unresponsive and utterly useless, except to us.
PIKE: And then they’ll have no choice but to reinstate humans into the police force.
K9: My advice is to move as far from the infected CCPC as possible. My scan shows that they’re completely unstable.
JORJIE: I’m coming.
DARIUS: Yeah, for once I’m with you.

(K9, Starkey, Darius, Jorjie and Gryffen go to leave.)

HALLORAN: Stay put, you lot!
PIKE: Let them go, ‘cept the brainiac. (Halloran stops Gryffen.) He’ll give us all the leverage we need. Take him upstairs, then take this one outside and release him into the ranks. Use Secret Exit Gamma.

(Starkey pokes his head in.)

STARKEY: Professor!
GRYFFEN: I’ll be all right!

(Halloran takes Gryffen upstairs.)

[Starkey’s bedroom]

(Darius closes the door.)

STARKEY: K9, how are your navigation systems coming along?
K9: Self-repairs 80% complete, young master.
STARKEY: Well, you’d better get your skates on before they figure out where we are. We need to help the prof.
DARIUS: It doesn’t matter where we are. I used to come here with my dad all the time. He knows this place better than us.
JORJIE: You used to come here with him?
DARIUS: Yeah, but he hasn’t been my dad for a long time.

[Tunnel]

(Halloran and the infected CCPC are walking down the tunnel. Halloran stops.)

HALLORAN: Halt! Complete your mission. (The CCPC stops and turns around.) What’s the matter? Move it, cyber! Complete your mission!
INFECTED CCPC: As you command. Crush all resistance. (He knocks away Halloran’s weapon.) Subjugate all humans. (He grabs Halloran.)

[The main hall]

(Gryffen is gagged and bound. Pike is at a monitor.)

PIKE: Have you considered our demands, Inspector? This is your last chance to get out of this with your dignity intact. More than we ever got.
JUNE: (On monitor) All I’ve thought about is the things I’ll do to you if my daughter is harmed.
PIKE: Yes or no, Inspector.

[Camo]

JUNE: We don’t give in to threats. In fact, we’re sending in an elite squad of CCPC reinforcements, fully pre-shielded against anything you can throw at them. It’s over, Pike.

[The main hall]

(Pike presses a button.)

PIKE: Think again, Inspector.

[Camo]

(June looks at another monitor. The Infected CCPC approaches the CCPCs outside the mansion.)

INFECTED CCPC: (On monitor) All units form up.
CCPCS: (On monitor) Formation delta. Formation delta. Formation delta.

(The CCPCs line up. The Infected CCPC touches one. It glows with green energy which runs along the line.)

PIKE: (On monitor) You leave me no choice but to reveal to the world how useless the CCPC is and to reveal the alien technology in the heart of every unit.
JUNE: Alien? What are you talking about?
PIKE: (On monitor) I can’t believe you’re unaware of it.
JUNE: Unaware of what?
THORNE: Don’t listen to him. He’s mad.

[The main hall]

PIKE: I think your friend knows a bit more than what he’s letting on, Inspector. Why don’t you ask him about it whilst your Department reaps what it sows?

[Camo]

JUNE: Just how soon can we expect this great retaliation of yours?

[The main hall]

PIKE: As soon as you give the order, Inspector.

[Camo]

THORNE: Now who’s bluffing?

(June hits a button.)

JUNE: All units advance and remember your orders. The safety of hostages is priority number 1. (The CCPCs on the monitor do not move.) Repeat, all units advance.
CCPC: (On monitor) Crush all resistance. Subjugate all humans.
JUNE: What?

[The main hall]

PIKE: Tick. Tick. Boom.
CCPC: Crush all resistance.

[Camo]

JUNE: What is this? The command overrides are not working.

(The monitor shows CCPCs attacking the camo. The camo shakes.)

THORNE: It wasn’t meant to go like this. Not yet.
JUNE: Not yet? What did you do to them, Thorne? What did you put in the CCPC?
THORNE: Driver! Get us out of here!
DRIVER: I’m trying, sir. They must have disabled the engine!
JUNE: This conversation isn’t finished.

[The main hall]

PIKE: Look at them. Uncontrollable alien-infested cyber-menaces. Uncontrollable, except to us, of course.

[Tunnel]

(The CCPC leaves Halloran lying on the floor. Halloran stirs and gets up.)

[Starkey’s bedroom]

JORJIE: I can’t believe Mum was behind the police force becoming robots.
DARIUS: There’s a lot we don’t know about our parents.
STARKEY: Yeah, well, at least you’ve got parents.
JORJIE: Well, one in my case.
DARIUS: Yeah, me too, but I don’t count the guy out there.
STARKEY: It’s better than nothing from where I’m sitting.
JORJIE: I love Mum, but sometimes I wish I could change her, make her different.
DARIUS: Yeah, I’d make Dad stay at home for a start.

[Hallway]

(The CCPC is glitching.)

CCPC: Subjugate all humans. Crush all resistance. All resistance. Reloading directive. Crush all resistance.

[Starkey’s bedroom]

K9: From my observation of you charming monkeys, many parents want to change their children and vice versa. And yet everybody stays the same.
DARIUS: Yeah, that’s because they don’t listen to us.
K9: Isn’t that what they say about you? (The CCPC starts forcing his way in.) Warning!
CCPC: Subjugate all humans. Crush all resistance.
K9: Repair complete. Weapon systems online.

(K9 shoots at the CCPC.)

STARKEY: Nice work, K9.
DARIUS: You been eating your Robo Wheaties, have you?

[The laboratory]

JORJIE: Whoa, you totalled it!
K9: I synthesised the energy signature of the customised weapons.
STARKEY: Let’s put it to good use, then.

(Another CCPC approaches.)

K9: Now?
STARKEY, DARIUS AND JORJIE: Now!

(K9 shoots the CCPC. The group run.)

[The main hall]

JORJIE: Professor!
K9: Sergeant Pike, you are no longer in control of the CCPC. No one is.

(A CCPC approaches.)

STARKEY: Watch out.
PIKE: You, cyber. Why aren’t you with the others? Where’s Halloran?

(An injured Halloran stumbles in.)

HALLORAN: Look out, Pike! They’ve gone haywire.
PIKE: Stay back!

(Pike fires a weapon at the CCPC.)

GRYFFEN: What have you done?
PIKE: What went wrong? Why’d they go berserk?
K9: Correction. Not berserk. Quite the opposite. The unstable virus has mutated randomly to its own advantage.
DARIUS: So, this is your great work, is it? This is what it’s all about? You leaving Mum and me? Looks like the Last Precinct will go down in history as a joke after all.
K9: Wait. There might be a solution. You created an unstable virus which corrupted alien material, right?
PIKE: Essentially, yes.
GRYFFEN: And the infected CCPCs have developed some sort of immune system. So, what if…
STARKEY: What if we injected a pure form of the alien biomech into the CCPC?
JORJIE: To immunise them?
GRYFFEN: Exactly.
K9: Great minds think alike. Mine is more efficient, of course.
DARIUS: Untie him. We need his help. (Pike does not move.) Dad!
PIKE: All right.

(Pike releases Gryffen.)

GRYFFEN: I suppose immunisation would work. I don’t know where we’d get that kind of material. Every CCPC in the vicinity has been infected. Unless… K9, surgical photon beam. Cut to the core.

(Gryffen points at the Space-Time Manipulator controls.)

DARIUS: Prof, what about your experiments? What about your family?
GRYFFEN: Darius, if I don’t do this I’ll soon be losing another family. K9, go.

(K9 uses his photon beam to cut out a component. Gryffen removes it.)

STARKEY: Whatever you’re thinking, Gryffen, do it fast.
JORJIE: They’re coming up.
GRYFFEN: K9, you’re our only hope. Only another cybernetic organism can generate the pure energy needed for the immunisation.

(Two CCPCs are climbing the stairs.)

STARKEY: Prof, quick!
DARIUS: Come on, prof. Hurry it up!
STARKEY: Hurry!
CCPC: Crush all resistance. Subjugate all humans.

(Gryffen puts the component on K9.)

GRYFFEN: I’m not going to lie to you. This will tickle.
STARKEY: We’re out of time!
CCPC: Crush all resistance. Subjugate all humans.
K9: Not on my watch, tin heads. Subjugate this. (K9 fires at the CCPCs. They shut down.) Now, that was good.

[Camo]

(The camo is still shaking.)

THORNE: Look.

(K9 appears on the screen.)

JUNE: K9.

(K9 fires at the CCPCs. They all collapse.)

K9: (On monitor) Mission accomplished. We now return you to your regular programming.

[Street]

(June walks past the collapsed CCPCs to K9.)

JUNE: Jorjie. Is she…?
K9: Jorjie is safe, Inspector.
JUNE: Thank you, K9.
K9: To be 100% effective, antivirus patch must be relayed as a coded energy pulse through CCPC Comm Central.

(Thorne approaches.)

THORNE: No. Why should we trust a cyber?
JUNE: Thorne, right now the only person I’m not trusting is you. Whatever you’ve done to the CCPC, we need to have a long debrief. Let’s go, K9.
K9: I’m with you, Inspector.

(June and K9 head into the mansion.)

[The main hall]

(June escorts Pike down the stairs. Darius is stood there with Gryffen.)

GRYFFEN: Aren’t you going to say something? After all, he is your father.

(Pike stops. June nods and walks away. Pike walks up to Darius.)

PIKE: I’m glad I found you again. I’m sorry it had to be this way.
DARIUS: So am I. I’m glad (unclear).
PIKE: I’m proud of you and I miss you and your mum. (Darius and Pike cry. Pike holds out a hand. Darius hugs him.) Better get out of here and face the music, eh?
DARIUS: K9, can you reverse what you’ve just done to the CCPC?
K9: You mean, turn them back to out of control? Why would I want to do that?
DARIUS: I reckon he could be good leverage, that’s all. I want to make sure Dad can get a proper trial and a fair sentence.
STARKEY: I’m sure the Department will play ball when it’s put like that.
K9: Affirmative.

(Thorne enters.)

THORNE: So, traitor. How does it feel to be taken out of this station by the CCPC again?
K9: Inspector Thorne, please treat Sergeant Pike with the respect he deserves or there will be consequences.
JUNE: Inspector.

(June escorts Pike and Halloran out.)

JORJIE: Parents, huh?
DARIUS: Can’t live with them.
STARKEY: Can’t live without them.
K9: Useful for pocket money.

(They laugh.)

Transcript originally provided by Chrissie. Adapted by TARDIS.guide. The transcripts are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.