The Gift

Part One

[Factory]

(A chubby boy is being chased by Sarah Jane, Clyde, Rani and Luke.)

CLYDE: There he is.
SARAH JANE: Don't let him get away.

(They run around a corner, and he has vanished.)

LUKE: That's impossible.
SARAH JANE: No, it isn't.

[Storage area]

SARAH JANE: He's got to be in here somewhere.
RANI: He's just a kid. What does he want with a what's it called?
LUKE: Matter compressor.
CLYDE: Maybe he wants some matter compressed?
SARAH JANE: Whatever his reason, the Pharos Institute need it back. Split up.

(Luke and Clyde head off down one row of boxed up washing machines, Sarah Jane and Rani down another. They hear a noise like breaking wind.)

CLYDE: Did you hear that?
LUKE: It can't be.

(A green light shines out.)

CLYDE: It is. The Slitheen, they're back!

(The green Slitheen child knocks them over.)

CLYDE: Oi! Get off me.
SARAH JANE: Are you okay?
CLYDE: Don't worry about us, where did it go?

[Factory]

SARAH JANE: If Slitheen are back on Earth it means mayhem on a global scale.
LUKE: What do they want this time?
SARAH JANE: Oh, the same as usual, I imagine. Convert our planet into cash.
RANI: Then how do we find it?
CLYDE: We'd need a bloodhound.
SARAH JANE: Oh, why didn't I think of that? (Sarah Jane takes a whistle out of her pocket, and blows it.)

[Sarah Jane's car]

K9: Mistress.

(The car door opens.)

K9: Activating hover mode.

[Laboratory]

DAVE: What are you doing out of your disguise?
CHRIS: Can't run in human skin. It's too tight. Needed to lose them.
DAVE: Lose who?
CHRIS: Give you one guess.
DAVE: Sarah Jane Smith. I wondered how long it'd be till she shoved her oar in.
CHRIS: Yeah, but I got away. And I nabbed the matter compressor.
DAVE: We wouldn't have had to steal one if you hadn't sat on ours. Now, nothing can stop us from turning this scuzzy little planet into a massive money-spinner.

(He adds the matter compressor to a large collection of wires and bits, and turns it on.)

DAVE: And so it begins.

[Factory]

K9: Greetings, Mistress.
SARAH JANE: We need you to follow a trail, K9.
CLYDE: He can smell? How?
K9: Psychospore and olfactory sensors.
CLYDE: Yeah, yeah, that clears that up.
SARAH JANE: We're looking for a Slitheen.
K9: Alien pheromone detected, Mistress. Trail leads in this direction.

[Laboratory]

DAVE: Give me a visual.

(The image zooms in on West London.)

DAVE: Initialise compression web.

(The boy Slitheen moves a control and the power goes off.)

DAVE: Not that one, idiot.

(They power back up.)

CHRIS: Compression web initialised.
DAVE: Very soon the Slitheen will be the richest family in the galaxy.

(The countdown starts at 100.)

[Factory]

(K9 is spinning around.)

K9: Insufficient data. Insufficient data.
SARAH JANE: You've lost him, K9? No!
K9: Affirmative, Mistress.
CLYDE: We'll never find him now.
RANI: Well, that might help.

(The web is causing a big light display in the sky, shooting directly up from the building containing their laboratory.)

SARAH JANE: Right. Follow me.

[Laboratory]

CHRIS: The web's nearly complete.
DAVE: When it is, Earth'll be squished. Just our base left. You have set the safety shield haven't you?
CHRIS: Er, of course. (turns it on) Soon we'll be relaxing on the Pleasure Moons of Pagros.
DAVE: This time tomorrow we'll own the Pleasure Moons of Pagros.
SARAH JANE: Switch it off, boys.
DAVE: Sarah Jane Smith. How predictable.
SARAH JANE: I prefer reliable. Now, I won't ask you again, switch it off.
DAVE: No chance.

(Sarah Jane fires her sonic lipstick, and sparks fly, but the countdown continues past 60.)

CHRIS: Good try, Miss Smith, but not good enough. It's sonic wave resistant.
CLYDE: So what does that thing actually do?
LUKE: And why steal the matter compressor?
DAVE: This little planet's stuffed full of carbon. And thanks to your compressor, we can crush it.
RANI: And if carbon's crushed enough it turns into a diamond.
DAVE: A gigantic diamond, worth a fortune.
SARAH JANE: K9, now!
K9: Maximum destruction mode.

(Bang, but the countdown passes 32.)

RANI: It's still going.
DAVE: Grab the girl.
RANI: Get your claws off me.
CLYDE: Let her go!

(The boy Slitheen has his claw around Rani's throat.)

CHRIS: Try that again and you'll be sorry.
SARAH JANE: Rani, don't move. K9, hold fire.
DAVE: Disable the dog, or she gets it.
SARAH JANE: I'm sorry, K9. Power down.
K9: Unit deactivating.

(14, 13)

LUKE: Isn't there something we can do?

(A bright red light, and two adult red Slitheen are there.)

CLYDE: Who are they?
LEEF: Stand back, Miss Smith.

(The one with the red collar and female voice disintegrates the compressor.)

COMPUTER: Compression halted.
TREE: (yellow collar, male) Now release the child.

(The boy obeys.)

TREE: By order of the High Council of Raxas Prime, you are charged with crimes against the state. Fraud, theft, high treason. The penalty for each is death.
CHRIS: It's him you want. He made me do it.
DAVE: Please. No. I'm innocent.

(They get teleported away.)

SARAH JANE: What have you done with them?
LEEF: We've teleported them to our ship. They will stand trial on our home planet.
SARAH JANE: I guess we owe you our lives. Thank you.
RANI: Yeah, thanks. I was nearly Slitheen lunch.
SARAH JANE: But who are you?
TREE: We are Blathereen.
LUKE: Blathereen? Never heard of you.
LEEF: The Slitheen aren't the only family on Raxacoricofallapatorius. But they are the only criminal one. We Blathereen respect the law.
CLYDE: Yeah? Why should we believe you?
LEEF: As you can see, we do not disguise ourselves in human skin, like Slitheen. We could never kill a human.
TREE: Not all visitors to your planet intend harm, Miss Smith. Some come out of anthropological interest, some are asylum-seekers.
LEEF: And some actually want to help.
LUKE: Why are you here?
LEEF: We've dedicated our lives to tracking down Slitheen, bringing them to justice.
CLYDE: You mean you're bounty hunters.
LEEF: It isn't something we do for profit. It is our duty.
SARAH JANE: To be honest, we're pretty good at handling Slitheen by ourselves.
TREE: We do not doubt it. Your work is spoken of with great regard back home.
RANI: Interstellar fame, eh, Sarah Jane?
LEEF: And it is the Blathereen custom to offer thanks for such brave deeds by sitting down to dinner.
CLYDE: Oh yeah? And what's on the menu? Clyde burgers with a side of Rani?
TREE: It's wrong to have come this far without showing our appreciation.
SARAH JANE: No, no. That might be a bit tricky.
RANI: Why? I think it's a brilliant idea. A dinner party.
SARAH JANE: Think about it, Rani. They can't exactly come to my place.
LUKE: Mister Smith's there, and loads of alien stuff.
RANI: Then they can come to mine.
CLYDE: Yeah, your mum and dad'll love that.
RANI: They're at a head teacher's conference, remember? That's why I'm staying with Sarah Jane. Does nothing sink in with you? Come on, it's an amazing opportunity. Clyde'll cook. He's a secret Jamie Oliver.
CLYDE: I can't deny it.
SARAH JANE: I suppose so. After all, they did save our lives.
LEEF: Miss Smith? What do you say?
SARAH JANE: Yes, dinner would be lovely. You're very welcome, Mrs
LEEF: Oh, please, my name's Leef Apple Glyn. Leef for short. This is my husband, Tree Lorn Acre. I call him Tree.
SARAH JANE: Sarah Jane. And this is Clyde, Rani, and my son, Luke.
TREE: Pleased to meet you all.
LEEF: Right. Let us have your teleport coordinates and we'll join you in an hour. We must freshen up first.

[Chandra kitchen-diner]

SARAH JANE: I'm still not sure we can trust them.
CLYDE: Yeah, when have the Slitheen ever helped us?
RANI: They're not Slitheen. They're not the same colour.
LUKE: It doesn't matter what colour they are, they're from the same planet.
SARAH JANE: All I know is, we have to keep our guard up until we're certain.
CLYDE: Look at me, head chef to the enemy.
SARAH JANE: I didn't know you could cook, Clyde.
CLYDE: Well, I'm a man of many talents. And it's only shepherd's pie. Mum taught me.
SARAH JANE: I hope they don't have any strange dietary requirements, though it's hard to go wrong with soup.

(The Blathereen teleport in.)

LEEF: Good evening, Sarah Jane.

(Later, at the dining table.)

SARAH JANE: Sorry it's such a squeeze.
TREE: And this delightful liquid is?
LUKE: It was tomato soup.
CLYDE: Though you probably prefer something more meaty.
RANI: Shut up, Clyde.
LEEF: Delicious. We must take some home for next time the Rackateen come to dinner.
TREE: They adore foreign food.
SARAH JANE: So, tell us about your home planet.
LEEF: Oh, Raxacoricofallapatorius was once the most admired planet in the Raxas Alliance. Clom, Plix and Raxacoricovarlonpatorius all took their lead from us.
TREE: And the Blathereen were one of the most respected families.
LEEF: Until the Slitheen bribed their way into power. They ruined our planet's good name.
RANI: Well, that must have been terrible for you.

(Rani gathers up the empty soup bowls.)

LUKE: What happened to the Slitheen?
TREE: The economy crashed, then the rest of the population rose up against them, and they were deposed.
LEEF: Some faced justice, others fled to the farthest corners of the galaxy.
TREE: It was our duty to hunt them down.
LEEF: We're deeply sorry for the trouble they've caused here. And as this seems an appropriate moment, Tree?

(Sarah Jane readies her sonic screwdriver.)

LEEF: This is not just a gift for your hospitality, but compensation for the Slitheen's behaviour on Earth.

(Tree opens a box, and dry ice pours out to reveal a small plant.)

LEEF: This is Rakweed.

(Rani reaches for it.)

CLYDE: Careful.
RANI: It's just a present, Clyde.
LEEF: His concern is understandable, though this is something that will truly delight you.
SARAH JANE: It's lovely. Thank you.
LEEF: It's a staple food back home. It can grow anywhere, even in the harshest conditions.
TREE: Nutritious and delicious.
LEEF: But this isn't just a gift for you. We want you to share it with your entire world.
TREE: We know you suffer from famines on Earth. Rakweed could put an end to them forever.
LEEF: Of course, if it came directly from outsiders such as ourselves, your people would be distrustful. That is why we want you, Sarah Jane, to be our, our ambassador.
TREE: Imagine the fame and the glory.
SARAH JANE: I'm not too bothered about the whole fame thing. We do what we do to help the world.
LEEF: This little plant could save millions of lives.

(Sarah Jane picks up the plant pot, and the oven timer goes Ping!)

SARAH JANE: Oh, main course. Excuse me. Can you just give me a hand?

(Rani joins her.)

SARAH JANE: Is this all too good to be true, or have I become totally paranoid?
RANI: You always taught us to keep an open mind.
SARAH JANE: Well, I've had bad experiences with aliens bearing gifts.
RANI: Mister Smith will know if it's dangerous. Plus you can't pass up a chance to feed the entire human race, can you?
SARAH JANE: Do you really think we can trust the Blathareen?
RANI: I think so. Plus, if they wanted us dead they'd have done it by now.
SARAH JANE: Not necessarily. Oh, I just don't know.
RANI: Go with your instincts. They're always right.
SARAH JANE: In this case my instincts are all over the place.
CLYDE: Ta-da. Shepherd's pie. I made that.
LEEF: Shepherds are a delicacy on Earth?
CLYDE: Yeah, but you couldn't eat a whole one.
SARAH JANE: It's just the name of the dish.

(Red dives into the oven dish and slurps.)

LEEF: Mmm. More delicious than the land prawns of Clom.
CLYDE: Might apply for MasterChef after all.
TREE: So, Sarah Jane, will you be our ambassador?
LEEF: It's our chance to finally put things right. And it could mean a new friendship between our races.
SARAH JANE: You realise I'll have to analyse the Rakweed, make sure it's safe.
LEEF: Of course. Do that straight away.
SARAH JANE: But thank you. In principle, I, we, Earth accepts.

(Later.)

LEEF: It's been a most wonderful evening.
TREE: But it's a long journey back to Raxacoricofallapatorius.
SARAH JANE: Amazing to meet you both. I'll never forget you, or what you've given us.
LEEF: Will you accept the claw of friendship, Sarah Jane?

(Sarah Jane shakes Leef's giant claw.)

TREE: We're sure our Rakweed will change your planet forever.
LEEF: And how perfect that Sarah Jane Smith will be the one to lead Earth into a rich and fertile future.
SARAH JANE: Thank you, have a safe journey.
LEEF: Bye.

(They teleport away.)

RANI: Dinner with aliens. Oh, and a plant that can save the world. The most exciting day I've ever had.

(Sarah Jane checks her wristwatch scanner.)

[Attic]

SARAH JANE: Mister Smith, I need you.
MR SMITH: How may I assist you, Sarah Jane?
SARAH JANE: I need you to analyse something.

(Mister Smith's beams play over the Rakweed.)

RANI: Such an amazing opportunity.
CLYDE: Yeah, or it could all be a trap.
RANI: They're Blathereen, not Slitheen.
CLYDE: Ah, Slitheen, Blathereen, Whatevereen. They're from Raxacorico-doo-dar, and that place has a seriously dodgy reputation.
RANI: You can't condemn an entire race just because a few of them are bad. There are bad people on Earth, too.
LUKE: Rani's right. We're here to help aliens, not just fight them.
RANI: Exactly. Sarah Jane?
SARAH JANE: This is huge. If I make this public, it'll change everything. No more hiding in the shadows, saving the world in secret. I'll be front page news.
RANI: Sarah Jane Smith, Ambassador for Earth, eh?
MR SMITH: Analysis complete. Although the Rakweed has a more complex cell structure than Earth flora, there is, as far as I can tell, no threat.
LUKE: It's harmless then?
RANI: See, nothing to worry about.
CLYDE: Yeah, but I still don't like it.
SARAH JANE: Anyway, time you lot were in bed. School tomorrow. And you've all got a test. Am I right?
CLYDE: A test? I'm sorry, did someone say test? Don't really understand that word.
K9: Test. Assessment of knowledge. Method through which one human demonstrates intellectual superiority over others.
RANI: He knows what it means, K9. Just not how to pass it.
SARAH JANE: Luke, Rani, bed. I've put a towel in your room. Clyde, home.
CLYDE: Oh, I won't be a sec. I just need to borrow a book for revision.

(Clyde is left alone with K9.)

CLYDE: How much do you know about GCSE biology?
K9: General Certificate for Secondary Education syllabus in biological science includes seven key areas
CLYDE: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know all that. But I need your help. Can you come to school with me tomorrow?
K9: Negative. Directional commands may only be issued by the Mistress.
CLYDE: Well, you leave me with no choice. Sorry, boy.

(Clyde picks K9 up.)

K9: This unit may not be removed.
MR SMITH: Excuse me, Clyde.
CLYDE: Oh, please don't tell Sarah Jane. I'll have him back by lunchtime.
MR SMITH: I was going to thank you. A break from the dog is most appreciated.
CLYDE: Bit annoying, is he?
MR SMITH: I couldn't possibly comment.
CLYDE: I'll see myself out.

(Next morning, the sunlight streams through the skylight onto the Rakweed, which opens its petals to reveal a red flower, which then splits into three and expels a huge cloud of spores which rush out into the surrounding area.)

[Luke's room]

LUKE: Tie. Tie. Tie, tie?

(Luke spots the tie on the back of a chair in the attic, then gets a lung full of Rakweed spores. Dizzy, he returns to his room.)

SARAH [OC]: Luke! Rani! Toast's getting cold.
SARAH JANE: Hurry up or you'll be late. What's the matter?
LUKE: I feel strange.
SARAH JANE: In what way?
LUKE: I don't know. It's probably nothing.
SARAH JANE: It's not nothing if you're feeling ill. The Bane gave you perfect health.
LUKE: Is this what being ill is like?
SARAH JANE: Well, how do you feel exactly?
LUKE: Everything's gone blurry. My chest is aching. My head hurts.
RANI: Come on, slowcoach. What's up?
SARAH JANE: Oh, Luke's not feeling very well. But you get off to school.
RANI: Shouldn't we call a doctor?
SARAH JANE: Rani, school, please.

(Rani leaves.)

SARAH JANE: You should stay home this morning.
LUKE: I don't want to miss the biology test.
SARAH JANE: The test can wait. I'll call the school, let them know.

[Outside Sarah Jane's home]

SARAH JANE: Rani? Sorry I snapped. But if Luke's ill, what do I do? How do I explain him and what he is, to a doctor? No, he'll probably be fine. It's just never happened before.
RANI: I can stay home if you like.
SARAH JANE: No, no. Your dad wouldn't want you skipping school, especially when there's a test.
RANI: It was worth a try. See you later.
SARAH JANE: Yeah. Oh, hello, this is Luke Smith's mother. No, no, I'm afraid Luke won't be at school today. He's not feeling very well.

(And no one notices the new plants in the border by the drive, with their red flowers.)

[School corridor]

(Rani spots Clyde coming out of the classroom.)

RANI: Ahem. What have you been doing in there?
CLYDE: I got in early to do some revision.
RANI: You are such a bad liar, Clyde.
CLYDE: It's the truth, honest.
RANI: I know when you're up to something, and you are so up to something.

[Luke's room]

SARAH JANE: How are you feeling?
LUKE: Not great.
SARAH JANE: Worse? Right. Let's be methodical about this. Go back to the beginning. What were you doing when it started?
LUKE: I was in the attic.
SARAH JANE: The attic.

[Attic]

MR SMITH: Analysis complete. The Rakweed is not harmless.
SARAH JANE: I knew it. Blathereen!
MR SMITH: Adaptation to its cell structure suggests a more deadly life-form.
SARAH JANE: Couldn't you have seen this coming?
MR SMITH: I'm sorry, Sarah Jane, but the plant appears to have mutated since my last report.
SARAH JANE: I can see that. There's a great big flower sticking out of it now.
MR SMITH: It was probably in a state of deep hibernation. Something must have triggered its development cycle.
LUKE: What's going on?
SARAH JANE: You should be in bed.
MR SMITH: According to my analysis, Rakweed seeks out life forms that it deems a threat to its propagation and drains them of energy. It will send its victims into a deep, deep coma from which they will never return.

[Classroom]

CLYDE: That's so weird about Lukey-boy. He's never got sick before.
RANI: Hope it's nothing serious. Sarah Jane was really worried.
CLYDE: How's the pot plant? Savaged anyone in the night?
RANI: That's not funny, Clyde. This Rakweed stuff might be amazing. It could feed millions of people.
CLYDE: Yeah. Yeah, but it'll probably still taste like salad. Like the world needs more salad.
RANI: Do you know what cynical means?
CLYDE: It's what I call being realistic.
RANI: Where are you going? Sit here.
CLYDE: Yeah, well I normally sit over here so

(Rani joins him on the back row.)

RANI: You're acting really weird. What are you up to?

(She looks under the desk.)

K9: Good morning, Mistress Rani.
RANI: K9?

[Attic]

MR SMITH: Emergency analysis continuing.
SARAH JANE: Luke, you're all I've really got. Everything else, it's all meaningless, all of it. Makes no sense without you.
MR SMITH: I'm sorry to have to tell you, Sarah Jane, but my sensors indicate that the Rakweed is not confined merely to this house.
SARAH JANE: How?
MR SMITH: It has already reproduced itself, most likely by releasing spores.
LUKE: Like a fungus? They must have got out through the window.
SARAH JANE: We've got to stop this.
LUKE: Oh, Mum, I'm so tired.
SARAH JANE: Luke, please. Luke, can you hear me?
LUKE: I'm okay.

(Sarah Jane opens his shirt to reveal a rash on his skin.)

SARAH JANE: What's this?
MR SMITH: He has been subjected to an incredibly high dose of Rakweed spores.
SARAH JANE: Luke? Luke, you must stay awake.

[Classroom]

JEROME: Put your textbooks away.
RANI: Sarah Jane will hit the roof.
CLYDE: Sarah Jane isn't gonna find out.
RANI: What if someone hears him? He makes a right racket.
CLYDE: Ah, I borrowed this too. Relays his voice straight into my ear.

(Clyde inserts the ear bud.)

RANI: Using K9 to pass a test. Even by your standards this is a new level of stupid.
CLYDE: We may not be allowed textbooks, but no-one said anything about a super-intelligent robot dog from the year 5000.
RANI: You're insane.
CLYDE: Yep, an insane genius.
JEROME: I hope you two are paying attention.
CLYDE: Course, Miss. Raring to go.

(The teacher, Miss Jerome, leaves the test papers in front of them and moves away. Clyde leans down below the desk and Rani looks behind her to try and see where a noise is coming from. Rakweed is growing outside the windows.)

[Attic]

SARAH JANE: This is all my fault.

(The Rakweed releases another load of spores.)

LUKE: Mum. Look.
SARAH JANE: Mister Smith, I need you. Mister Smith, please help us.

(The spores head straight for Sarah Jane and Luke.)

Part Two

[Attic]

MR SMITH: Launching venting system. Maximum extraction.

(Mister Smith's screen slides up to reveal two large fans. The Rakweed spores are sucked out of the room, and the screen lowers again.)

SARAH JANE: Mister Smith, you are amazing.
MR SMITH: Every computer has a cooling mechanism, though applying it at full power has severely depleted my energy banks.
SARAH JANE: What do I do with this thing?

(The Rakweed plant. She opens the wall safe and throws it into the wormhole.)

SARAH JANE: Luke, can you hear me? It's Mum.
LUKE: Yeah. I'm, I'm fine.
SARAH JANE: Oh, Luke. What's it done to him?
MR SMITH: The Rakweed spores not only re-seed the plant, they are also its weapon against anything, or anyone, standing in its path.
SARAH JANE: Oh, but surely Luke's much stronger than a normal human?
MR SMITH: He is, and may be able to resist the effects for longer. However, he inhaled the spores directly into his lungs.
SARAH JANE: Oh, Luke, I am so sorry.

[Classroom]

JEROME: Do not write on the question sheet. Use the paper provided for your answers.

(Clyde shows the questions to K9 underneath the desk.)

CLYDE: (sotto) Here you go, K9. Questions. Just relay your answers into this.

(The ear bud.)

K9: Relaying answers is unethical.
CLYDE: (sotto) Shush. You said a test was one human demonstrating intellectual superiority over others. I have brought a supercomputer into school. That's pretty smart, wouldn't you say?
K9: Logic irrefutable.
CLYDE: (sotto) Good dog. Now keep it short and to the point.
RANI: You're actually going through with this, aren't you? Cheating at a test. No morals at all.
CLYDE: And that's why you love me.
RANI: Mmm. Dream on, Clyde. Dream on.
K9: First question processed.

[Attic]

MR SMITH: Monitoring Luke's condition. The poison has infected sixty three percent of his cells, but time's running out.
SARAH JANE: You analysed the plant. You must have some idea how to fight it.
MR SMITH: The Rakweed's genetic structure is adapting constantly. It could take me days to create an antidote. Even then it might not work. We have half an hour at the most.
SARAH JANE: There's got to be a way. We must be able to help. He's only fifteen.
MR SMITH: I'm receiving a local news report of a similar case to Luke's.
SARAH JANE: Put it up, Mister Smith.
MARSH [on screen]: This morning a number of people have been admitted to Park Vale Hospital after collapsing at home or at work. Doctors are unsure what has caused the unusual marks on their bodies, although it has been suggested they may indicate a rare tropical disease. This looks like it might be another case arriving now. Excuse me, Doctor?
DOCTOR [on screen]: Stay back.
MARSH [on screen]: Excuse me, Doctor. Cameron Marsh, BBC News. Any comment for BBC News, sir? Any comment for BBC News, Doctor?

(A patient with marks on their arms is wheeled into the hospital.)

SARAH JANE: How quickly can it spread?
MR SMITH: At its current rate of propagation, the Rakweed will have seeded the whole of London within a few hours, and in approximately three days the plant could easily have consumed the entire planet.

(The spores are seeding themselves in trays in the classroom, and along the sides of Bannerman Road.)

SARAH JANE: Luke? Can you hear me?
LUKE: Yes, Mum, I can hear you,
SARAH JANE: I'm leaving you with Mister Smith. He'll take care of you.
MR SMITH: Where are you going, Sarah Jane?
SARAH JANE: If you can't give me an antidote, then there's no choice. The Blathereen started this and they're going to stop it.
MR SMITH: But they'll be halfway across the galaxy by now.
SARAH JANE: You think? No, I bet they want to stick around, see their plan unfold. Scan for their ship, Mister Smith.
MR SMITH: Their ship is shielded. Remember, I did not detect its approach. Without their teleport coordinates it cannot be located.
SARAH JANE: Lucky I made a note last night.

(Sarah holds up her wristwatch.)

[Classroom]

CLYDE: What's that?

(Clyde gets feedback in his ear bud.)

CLYDE: That was weird.
JEROME: What don't you understand about absolute quiet, Clyde?
CLYDE: But, Miss
JEROME: If you recall, this is a test and that means
K9: Master Clyde?
JEROME: Are you hiding something? What on earth is that thing? Who's making that stupid noise?

(A cross between a hiss and a buzz.)

JEROME: Everyone, quiet.
K9: Master Clyde, detecting alien plant DNA which has entered this room.
CLYDE: Is that Rakweed?
RANI: It's flowering.
CLYDE: What's it doing here?
JEROME: Will everyone please be quiet!
CLYDE: Miss, that plant, I think it could be dangerous.
JEROME: What plant?
CLYDE: Over there.

(Miss Jerome leans over one of the Rakweed, and gets a face full of spores.)

CLYDE: Miss!

(Miss Jerome gets instant blotches and collapses. The pupils scream and run.)

RANI: Everyone get out of here right now!
CLYDE: She's passed out.

[Attic]

SARAH JANE: You're going to be all right. Nobody's taking you away from me.
MR SMITH: Teleport trajectory indicates the Blathereen have left Earth's immediate vicinity.
SARAH JANE: No, no, wait a moment. That beam's not heading away from Earth. It's heading towards a satellite.
MR SMITH: And being relayed back to Earth.
SARAH JANE: Antarctica.

[Blathereen ship]

(Leef and Tree are eating large bowls of Rakweed with voracious appetites.)

TREE: You have to feel sorry for her.
LEEF: Why? She took the Rakweed because she wanted the glory. Same reason they always do. Get their ugly faces in the paper.
TREE: I expected a little more resistance from the famous Sarah Jane Smith. She was a pushover.
LEEF: It's thanks to her that very soon their entire planet will be nothing but Rakweed. And then, let the harvest begin.

[School corridor]

CLYDE: Well, at least she's still breathing.
RANI: We couldn't have helped her. It would have got us, too.
CLYDE: I knew those Blathereen were trouble.
RANI: We've got to stop this. Come on.

[Attic]

SARAH JANE: Mister Smith, can you remotely activate the Blathereen teleport? Get me to their ship?
MR SMITH: I'd only have enough energy left for a one-way trip.
SARAH JANE: I'll take my chances. I'm not going to stand here and watch Luke die.
MR SMITH: Who will save the world if something happens to you?
SARAH JANE: This time it's about Luke.

(Sarah picks up a large gun with two spheres full of liquid.)

[Blathereen ship]

COMPUTER: Rakweed now spreading throughout London.

(Whilst Leef and Tree laugh, Sarah Jane teleports in.)

SARAH JANE: This is loaded with vinegar. You're going to do exactly as I say, or I'll blast you to oblivion.

[School corridor]

(Clyde and Rani find a girl lying in the corridor.)

CLYDE: She's alive. It's just knocking everyone out.

(Rani rolls her into the recovery position.)

RANI: How did the Rakweed get from Sarah Jane's house to here?
CLYDE: You saw those seed things. It must be spreading itself.
RANI: It's obviously not a good idea to breathe them in. Maybe that's what made Luke ill this morning.

[Attic / School corridor]

(Luke's phone rings.)

LUKE: Rani?
RANI: Luke, the Rakweed, it got you, didn't it? Are you okay?
LUKE: Yeah, I'm all right.
RANI: You sound terrible. Where's Sarah Jane? Is she looking after you?
LUKE: She's gone. Find Blathereen.

(Luke passes out.)

RANI [OC]: Luke?

[School corridor]

RANI: Luke? He's ill. Really ill. And Sarah Jane's with the Blathereen. No idea where.
CLYDE: Then we've got to sort this by ourselves, just the two of us.
K9: Correction, Master Clyde. Three of us.
CLYDE: And you called me insane for bringing K9 to school.
RANI: Come on. We've got to get to Luke.

[Blathereen ship]

SARAH JANE: My son is dying, and I'm not going to let you or anyone take him away from me. So keep perfectly still. I am feeling trigger-happy.
TREE: You're making a terrible mistake.
LEEF: We didn't do anything. We're innocent. Honestly we are.
SARAH JANE: I don't believe you. Now, fix it.
TREE: All right, we knew the Rakweed would spread, but we didn't realise the damage it would do. We're sorry. We will reverse the process. Leef? We have no choice, my dear.
LEEF: Entering computer code. Destroy all Rakweed.
TREE: The Rakweed is being eliminated. It will take a few seconds.
SARAH JANE: Confirm Rakweed density on Earth.
COMPUTER: Rakweed fully eliminated.
LEEF: Would you mind putting the weapon down, Sarah Jane?
SARAH JANE: It's Miss Smith to you.
LEEF: Please, Miss Smith?

(As Sarah Jane starts to lower the gun, Leef grabs her.)

SARAH JANE: Let go of me!
LEEF: Computer, return to normal view. Good try, Miss Smith, but not good enough.
SARAH JANE: That's exactly the phrase the Slitheen used.
TREE: Now, we were just having dinner. Why don't you join us?
SARAH JANE: No, thank you.
TREE: But we insist.

(They push her into a chair which clamps her wrists to the armrests.)

SARAH JANE: Why bother with these?
LEEF: Just wanted to see if they work. That chair cost a fortune.

(Luke's infection is at eighty seven percent.)

[School reception]

RANI: What do we do?
CLYDE: It's everywhere.
RANI: Watch out!

(A Rakweed in a floral display launches its spores.)

K9: Please stand back.

(K9 uses a wide dispersal laser beam to zap them. Clyde and Rani open the main doors to see a big cloud of spores heading their way.)

CLYDE: K9, can you blast them, too?
K9: Energy required too great. This unit has insufficient power.
RANI: We're trapped.
CLYDE: Come on. The canteen.

[Blathereen ship]

TREE: This is much more civilised, isn't it? Sure you won't take a little Rakweed? It really is delicious.
SARAH JANE: Now I understand why you're obsessed with it. You're addicted to it.
LEEF: We are not. We, we just love it, that's all. You'd understand if you tried some.
SARAH JANE: And my son is dying just to fuel your addiction.
TREE: Even we couldn't eat all that, and we wouldn't want to. An entire planet of Rakweed will be worth a fortune on the galactic market.
LEEF: Small as Earth is, it's still a useful plot of land.
SARAH JANE: Billions of people killed, and all you see is a plot of land?
LEEF: We're simple farming folk, Miss Smith. But one day our farm will span the entire galaxy.

[School corridor]

RANI: So how far's this spread? Just the school grounds or further?
CLYDE: If it got from Sarah Jane's to here, it's not looking good.
RANI: Then there'll be news reports?
CLYDE: Yeah.

[IT room]

RANI: It's clear.

(Rani sits at a computer.)

K9: Master Clyde, Mistress Rani.

(Clyde lets K9 in.)

CLYDE: Hurry up.
MARSH [on screen]: Cases of the as yet unidentified infection have increased to over three hundred, and doctors warn there could be more in the coming days. It all started in Ealing, but it's now spread as far as Southall, Perivale, Acton and Chiswick. Members of the public, especially those in West London, are advised to act with extreme caution.
CLYDE: What would Sarah Jane do?
RANI: She'd do what she always does. Improvise. Come on.

[Blathereen ship]

TREE: What a joy to see someone as smug as Sarah Jane Smith destroy the planet she fought so hard to save.
SARAH JANE: Kill me by all means, but not the children. Don't you have any of your own?
LEEF: Oh, no. Nasty little things. Profit is our progeny.
SARAH JANE: Isn't using the Earth for a fast buck more the Slitheen style?
TREE: How dare you. We're nothing like the Slitheen. We're much, much worse.
LEEF: They lack our cunning, our vision, our good looks.
TREE: Now, now, Leef. We must still show some tolerance towards our relatives.
SARAH JANE: Your relatives?
TREE: Didn't we say? We're double-barrelled, Miss Smith.
LEEF: We are the Slitheen-Blathereen. The descendants of an inter-clan marriage many generations ago.
SARAH JANE: Why doesn't that surprise me? You're as bad as they are.
LEEF: For that remark, we won't kill you. We'll keep you alive to watch your beloved Earth die. And then we'll kill you.

[School corridor]

CLYDE: Right, that's the gym, art and canteen blocks. There's got to be one exit that isn't blocked by Rakweed.

[Social room]

RANI: What about a window? It's locked. Give me a shove up.
CLYDE: Oh, all the glamorous jobs.

(But the upper window is locked on just ajar.)

RANI: Oh, even I couldn't get through that.
K9: Warning. Danger.

(A Rakweed pops its flower up in a plantpot and sprays spores.)

CLYDE: Get back.
RANI: Clyde, no!

(The school bell sounds. The spores vibrate, turn gold and vanish.)

CLYDE: What?

(The plant dies.)

CLYDE: How did that just happen?
RANI: End of period bell. Must have been.
CLYDE: Saved by the bell.

[Blathereen ship]

TREE: That's what I like to see. My wonderful little plant spreading.

(Sarah Jane has managed to reach her sonic lipstick in her waistcoat pocket.)

LEEF: You know, it was my husband who engineered this wonderful new strain of Rakweed. Genetically modified to re-seed at an incredible rate.
TREE: The Rakweed's song will be filling the air. How sweet it must sound.
SARAH JANE: You mean that awful noise? I'd hardly call that a song.
LEEF: It's a living thing. Communication is the mainstay of all life.
SARAH JANE: Communication? That's interesting.
TREE: Without that, how can the Rakweed unite and colonise an entire planet?
COMPUTER: Rakweed now at ninety three percent.
LEEF: Miss Smith?

(The chair is empty.)

LEEF: She can't just have vanished.

(Sarah Jane pops up from underneath the table.)

SARAH JANE: Lost something?
LEEF: Leave that alone.

(Sarah Jane uses her sonic lipstick to both activate and destroy the teleport control.)

LEEF: Get after her, you idiot. Activate the teleport.
TREE: She's broken it, stupid woman.
LEEF: Well, un-break it. We're paying Miss Smith a visit, and this time it'll be us having her for dinner.

[Attic]

(Sarah Jane has returned safely.)

SARAH JANE: Luke?

[School reception]

RANI: We need you to set the bell off again, but much, much louder this time.
CLYDE: K9, can you boost the volume?
K9: Easily accomplished. Frequency adjusted. Activating.

(The school bell sounds, and the Rakweed wither away.)

CLYDE: It's working.
RANI: Way to go, K9. You did it.
CLYDE: Can you turn it off now?

(He does.)

CLYDE: It's still alive outside.
RANI: We're never going to defeat it.
CLYDE: Can you link me to Mister Smith?
K9: If necessary. However, contact with that computer interferes with this unit's synaptic circuits.
CLYDE: You mean he gets on your nerves?
K9: Affirmative!
RANI: Those two have really got to work through their issues.

[Attic]

(Luke's infection is at ninety three percent. Clyde calling.)

SARAH JANE: Clyde! Are you okay?

[School reception]

CLYDE: Yeah, we're fine. And we think we've found a way to kill the Rakweed. The school bell.

[Attic]

SARAH JANE: Brilliant. You're both brilliant.
CLYDE [OC]: It seems to work, but we're not sure why.

[School reception]

SARAH JANE [OC]: It's because the Rakweed is connected

[Attic]

SARAH JANE: By that terrible wailing sound. It's how the plant stays alive, communicates.

[School reception]

SARAH JANE [OC]: The bell must break that link.
CLYDE: So we should blast the sound of the bell across the entire city?
RANI: Or something similar.
SARAH JANE [OC]: Good thinking, Rani. Replicate it and we're winning. Mister Smith?

[Attic]

MR SMITH: I can do that, but I would need to know the exact frequency.
CLYDE [OC]: K9 can tell you.
SARAH JANE: K9? What's he doing there?

[School reception]

CLYDE: I'll explain later. K9, give Mister Smith the bell's frequency.
K9: One four two one point zero nine Hertz.

[Attic]

MR SMITH: I am now linking to all electrical devices in the area invaded by the Rakweed and retuning them to replicate the bell's frequency. Prepare yourself, Sarah Jane.
SARAH JANE: Cover your ears. This is going to be really, really loud.

(It is. Bells, alarms of all kinds, cars, microwaves, mobile phones, loudspeakers all sound off.)

SARAH JANE: That's enough for now.

(Luke is cured. Miss Jerome sits up.)

[School reception]

CLYDE: It's over. Yes!

(Clyde does a happy dance.)

CLYDE: Go, Clydey. Go, Rani. Go, Sarah Jane.
RANI: Yeah, never mind all that. Let's get out of here.
CLYDE: Yeah.

[Attic]

LUKE: Mum, you're back.
SARAH JANE: Luke, thank goodness you're all right.
LUKE: What happened?
SARAH JANE: Clyde and Rani, they're brilliant. And so are you. I was more frightened than I've ever been in my life. I nearly lost the most important thing in the Universe. You. Oh, Luke.

[Blathereen ship]

LEEF: It's gone. No, it's all gone! Our Rakweed crop, dead. Miss Smith is going to regret this.
TREE: As soon as I've adjusted the focusing crystal, we're away. And then she will pay, in blood.

[Attic]

SARAH JANE: That noise, Mister Smith. If I needed you to produce it again, but just in the attic, could you?
MR SMITH: Yes, but for what purpose?
RANI: Sarah Jane.
CLYDE: Are you okay?
LUKE: Yeah, I'm fine now. Destroying the Rakweed seems to reverse its effects.
SARAH JANE: And you two are absolute stars. What a team you make.
CLYDE: Just put it down to pure genius.
K9: Mistress.
SARAH JANE: K9, what happened to you?
CLYDE: Rani and I took him for walkies.
RANI: Don't drag me into this.
K9: Negative. Master Clyde took me to school to assist with his tests.
SARAH JANE: He did, did he? Clyde, you don't need to cheat. Have faith in your own abilities.

(The Blathereen teleport in.)

LEEF: We meet again, Miss Smith.
SARAH JANE: Oh, why don't you just go home? This is your final warning.
TREE: The Slitheen-Blathereen do not take kindly to ultimatums.
CLYDE: Slitheen-Blathereen? I knew it.
RANI: Then they're only half-bad.
SARAH JANE: Rani's right. Why don't you forget your Slitheen side. Give your Blathereen blood a chance.
CLYDE: Not all your family can be crooked.
TREE: The Blathereen are useless, soft-hearted do-gooders. Nothing but middle management.
LEEF: We prefer the view from the top.
SARAH JANE: I didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice.
LEEF: I've been dying to say this for ages. Let the hunt begin.
SARAH JANE: Hit it, Mister Smith!

(The noise fills the attic.)

LEEF: It is our sense of smell that's highly developed, not our hearing.

(The Blathereen stomachs start to gurgle and distend.)

SARAH JANE: That's enough, Mister Smith.
LEEF: Argh. Argh. Argh.
TREE: What have you done to us?
LEEF: My stomach. It's argh. Argh.
SARAH JANE: I'm sorry.

(Their stomachs ripple, then they explode, covering everyone and everything in orange goo.)

K9: Disintegration successful.
MR SMITH: You don't say.
CLYDE: Why does this always happen to me?
LUKE: Mum, you did it.
SARAH JANE: They were going to kill us. I had to do it.
RANI: What did you do?
SARAH JANE: On their ship, all they did was stuff their faces with Rakweed. I knew their stomachs would still be full of it.
K9: The destruction of the undigested Rakweed created methane gas. It could not be contained.
CLYDE: So they farted themselves to death?
K9: In a nutshell, Master Clyde.
SARAH JANE: But this isn't how it should end. There should've been another way. A better way.
LUKE: You're amazing, Sarah Jane.
SARAH JANE: Which is more than can be said for people who cheat at tests.
CLYDE: But who's ever gonna want to know about the life cycle of a plant?
RANI: Ahem.
CLYDE: Fair enough.
SARAH JANE: Now, fetch yourself a mop in the kitchen and clean up this mess.

[Garden]

(Cleaned and changed, Rani lays the table for a barbeque whilst Sarah Jane cremates some sausages. Goo-covered Clyde appears with the mop and bucket.)

SARAH JANE [OC]: For once, I truly hoped we'd found a friend out there, someone Earth could trust, a way for us all to move forward, humans and aliens together. I was wrong, This time.
CLYDE: One clean attic.
SARAH JANE [OC]: But it doesn't mean our next visitors will be the same.

(Clyde picks up a burnt sausage from the barbeque.)

CLYDE: You've cremated our picnic.
SARAH JANE [OC]: There are friends out there, too. Friends who really will want to help us. And as we all know, there's nothing more important than friendship. And then, one day, with a little luck and a lot of hard work, Earth could be a shining example to the entire Universe.

Transcript originally provided by Chrissie. Adapted by TARDIS.guide. The transcripts are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.

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