The Doctor’s Wife

[Spaceship]

(A young woman is led in by an older woman. She speaks to a man wearing a tattered Confederate Army uniform.)

IDRIS: Will it be me, Uncle?
UNCLE: Yes, it's going to be you. I only wish I could go in your place, Idris. Nah, I don't, because it's really going to hurt.

(An Ood with glowing green eyes appears behind Idris.)

IDRIS: It's starting. What will happen?
AUNTIE: Oh. Er, Nephew will drain your mind and your soul from your body and leave your body empty.

(Idris goes up onto a platform with a bit of alien tech dangling around the place. The Ood holds Idris' head.)

IDRIS: I'm scared.
AUNTIE: I expect so, dear. But soon you'll have a new soul. There'll be a Time Lord coming.

[TARDIS]

DOCTOR: And then we discovered it wasn't the Robot King after all, it was the real one. Fortunately, I was able to re-attach the head.
RORY: Do you believe any of this stuff?
AMY: I was there.
DOCTOR: Oh, it's the warning lights. I'm getting rid of those. They never stop.
RORY: Hey. You're still thinking about it, aren't you?
AMY: Oh, shush. We saw him die.
RORY: Yeah, two hundred years in the future.
AMY: Yes, but it's still going to happen.

(Rat tat a tat tat on the TARDIS door.)

AMY: What was that?
DOCTOR: The door. It knocked.
RORY: Right. We are in deep space.
DOCTOR: Very, very deep.

(Shave and a haircut, two bits.)

DOCTOR: And somebody's knocking.

(The Doctor opens the doors. A small glowing box is outside.)

DOCTOR: Oh, come here. Come here, you scrumptious little beauty.

(The box flies inside and ends up hitting the Doctor on the chest.)

RORY: A box?
AMY: Doctor, what is it?
DOCTOR: I've got mail. Time Lord emergency messaging system. In an emergency, we'd wrap up thoughts in psychic containers and send them through time and space. Anyway, there's a living Time Lord still out there, and it's one of the good ones.
RORY: You said there weren't any other Time Lords left.
DOCTOR: There are no Time Lords left anywhere in the universe. But the universe isn't where we're going. See that snake?

(The Ourobouros, the snake swallowing its own tail.)

DOCTOR: The mark of the Corsair. Fantastic bloke. He had that snake as a tattoo in every regeneration. Didn't feel like himself unless he had the tattoo. Or herself, a couple of times. Ooo, she was a bad girl.

(Things go Bang!)

RORY: Oh, what is happening?
DOCTOR: We're leaving the universe.
AMY: How can you leave the universe?
DOCTOR: With enormous difficulty. Right now I'm burning up TARDIS rooms to give us some welly. Goodbye, swimming pool. Goodbye, scullery. Sayonara, squash court seven.

(Whoosh, thump, crash, then all is still and silent.)

AMY: Okay, okay. Where are we?
DOCTOR: Outside the universe, where we've never, ever been.

(The lights go out in the TARDIS.)

RORY: Is that meant to be happening?
DOCTOR: The power, it's draining. Everything's draining. But it can't. That's, that's impossible.
RORY: What is that?
DOCTOR: It's as if the Matrix, the soul of the TARDIS, has just vanished. Where would it go?

(Idris gasps and sits up again. A little golden energy comes out of her mouth, to the accompaniment of the TARDIS sound.)

[Junkyard]

(To the rear of a large crashed spaceship.)

AMY: So what kind of trouble's your friend in?
DOCTOR: He was in a bind. A bit of a pickle. Sort of distressed.
AMY: Ah, you can't just say you don't know.
RORY: But what is this place? The scrap yard at the end of the universe?
DOCTOR: Not end of, outside of.
RORY: How we can we be outside the universe? The universe is everything.
DOCTOR: Imagine a great big soap bubble with one of those tiny little bubbles on the outside.
RORY: Okay.
DOCTOR: Well, it's nothing like that. Completely drained. Look at her.
AMY: Wait. So we're in a tiny bubble universe, sticking to the side of the bigger bubble universe?
DOCTOR: Yeah. No. But if it helps, yes. This place is full of rift energy. She'll probably refuel just by being here. Now, this place. What do we think, eh? Gravity's almost Earth normal, air's breathable, but it smells like-
AMY: Armpits.
DOCTOR: Armpits.
RORY: What about all this stuff? Where did this come from?
DOCTOR: Well, there's a rift. Now and then stuff gets sucked through it. Not a bubble, a plughole. The universe has a plughole and we've just fallen down it.
IDRIS: Thief! Thief! You're my thief!
AUNTIE: She's dangerous. Guard yourselves.

(Idris runs up to the Doctor.)

IDRIS: Look at you. Goodbye. No, not goodbye, what's the other one?

(Idris kisses the Doctor.)

UNCLE: Watch out. Careful. Keep back from her. Welcome, strangers. Lovely. Sorry about the mad person.
DOCTOR: Why am I a thief? What have I stolen?
IDRIS: Me. You're going to steal me. No, you have stolen me. You are stealing me. Oh tenses are difficult, aren't they?
AUNTIE: Oh. Oh, we are sorry, my dove. She's off her head. They call me Auntie.
UNCLE: And I'm Uncle. I'm everybody's Uncle. Just keep back from this one. She bites!
IDRIS: Do I? Excellent.

(Idris bites the Doctor's ear.)

DOCTOR: Ow! Ow!
IDRIS: Biting's excellent. It's like kissing, only there's a winner.
UNCLE: So sorry. She's doolally.
IDRIS: No, I'm not doolally. I'm, I'm. It's on the tip of my tongue. I've just had a new idea about kissing. Come here, you.
AUNTIE: No, Idris, no.
IDRIS: Oh, but now you're angry. No, you're not. You will be angry. The little boxes will make you angry.
DOCTOR: Sorry? The little what? Boxes?
IDRIS: Oh, ho, no. Your chin is hilarious. It means the smell of dust after rain.
RORY: What does?
IDRIS: Petrichor.
RORY: But I didn't ask.
IDRIS: Not yet. But you will.
AUNTIE: No, no, Idris. I think you should have a rest.
IDRIS: Rest. Yes, yes. Good idea. I'll just see if there's an off switch.

(Idris collapses.)

UNCLE: Is that it? She dead now. So sad.
RORY: No, she's still breathing.
UNCLE: Nephew, take Idris somewhere she can not bite people.

(Nephew is the Ood.)

DOCTOR: Oh, hello!
AMY: Doctor, what is that?
DOCTOR: Oh, no, it's all right. It's an Ood. Oods are good. Love an Ood. Hello, Ood. Can't you talk? Oh, I see. It's damaged. May I? It might just be on the wrong frequency.
AUNTIE: Nephew was broken when he came here. Why, he was half dead. House repaired him. House repaired all of us.
CORSAIR [OC]: If you are receiving this message, please help me. Send a signal to the High Council of the Time Lords on Gallifrey. Tell them that I am still alive. I don't know where I am. I'm on some rock-like planet.

(Behind the message is a lot of other voices trying to speak at the same time.)

RORY: What was that? Was that him?
DOCTOR: No, no. It's picking up something else. But that's, that's not possible. That's, that's. Who else is here? Tell me. Show me. Show me.
AUNTIE: Just what you see. Just the four of us, and the House. Nephew, will you take Idris somewhere safe where she can't hurt nobody?
DOCTOR: The House? What's the House?
AUNTIE: House is all around you, my sweets. You are standing on him. This is the House. This world. Would you like to meet him?
RORY: Meet him?
DOCTOR: I'd love to.
UNCLE: This way. Come, please. Come.
AMY: What's wrong? What were those voices?
DOCTOR: Time Lords. It's not just the Corsair. Somewhere close by there are lots and lots of Time Lords.

[Brig]

(Idris is in a barred chamber. Nephew stands guard.)

IDRIS: I'm, I'm. Big word, sad word. Why is that word so sad? No. Will be sad. Will be sad.

[Spaceship]

UNCLE: Come. Come, come. You can see the House and he can look at you, and he-

(They lead the Doctor to the device where Idris had her soul drained and replaced. The Doctor looks down the grating on the floor.)

DOCTOR: I see. This asteroid is sentient.
AUNTIE: We walk on his back, breathe his air, eat his food.
AMY: Smell its armpits.

(House speaks through Uncle and Auntie as if they are marionettes. It is a nice, refined voice.)

HOUSE [OC]: And do my will. You are most welcome, travellers.
AMY: Doctor, that voice. That's the asteroid talking?
DOCTOR: Yes. So you're like a sea urchin. Hard outer surface, that's the planet we're walking on. Big, squashy, oogly thing inside, that's you.
HOUSE [OC]: That is correct, Time Lord.
DOCTOR: Ah. So you've met Time Lords before?
HOUSE [OC]: Many travellers have come through the rift, like Auntie and Uncle and Nephew. I repair them when they break.
DOCTOR: So there are Time Lords here, then?
HOUSE [OC]: Not any more, but there have been many TARDISes on my back in days gone by.
DOCTOR: Well, there won't be any more after us. Last Time Lord. Last TARDIS.
HOUSE [OC]: A pity. Your people were so kind. Be here in safety, Doctor. Rest, feed, if you will.
RORY: We're not actually going to stay here, are we?
DOCTOR: Well, it seems like a friendly planet. Literally. Mind if we poke around a bit?
AUNTIE: You can look all you want. Go. Look. (to Amy) House loves you.
DOCTOR: Come on then, gang. We're just going to, er, see the sights.

[Brig]

IDRIS: Are there a see zero that ito emo we. Ah! What was that? Do fish have fingers? Like a nine year old trying to rebuild a motorbike. What am I saying? Why am I saying that? Thief? Where's my thief? Thief!

[Corridor]

IDRIS [OC]: Thief!
DOCTOR: Shush, shush, shush.
RORY: So, as soon as the TARDIS is refuelled, we go, yeah?
DOCTOR: No. There are Time Lords here. I heard them and they need me.
AMY: You told me about your people, and you told me what you did.
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, but if they're like the Corsair, they're good one and I can save them.
AMY: And then tell them you destroyed the others?
DOCTOR: I can explain. Tell them why I had to.
AMY: You want to be forgiven.
DOCTOR: Don't we all?
AMY: What do you need from me?
DOCTOR: My screwdriver. I left it in the TARDIS. It's in my jacket.
RORY: You're wearing your jacket.
DOCTOR: My other jacket.
RORY: You have two of those?
AMY: Okay, I'll get it. But Doctor, listen to me. Don't get emotional because that's when you make mistakes.

(She throws him her mobile phone.)

DOCTOR: Yes, boss.
AMY: I'll call you from the TARDIS. Rory, look after him.
DOCTOR: Rory, look after her.
RORY: Yeah.

[Junkyard]

AMY: I told you to look after him.
RORY: He'll be fine. He's a Time Lord.
AMY: It's just what they're called. It doesn't mean he actually knows what he's doing.

(They go into the TARDIS, which is then surrounded by neon green gas.)

[TARDIS]

(Amy phones the Doctor.)

AMY: Hey, we're here. Screwdriver's in your jacket, yeah?

[Corridor]

DOCTOR: Yeah, it's around somewhere. Have a good look.

(He has it in his hand, and uses it to lock the TARDIS door remotely.)

[TARDIS]

AMY: Did you do that?
RORY: I didn't do anything. Right. Jacket.

[Corridor]

DOCTOR: Come on. Where are you? Now, where are you all? Where are you?

(He pulls back a curtain to a small alcove.)

DOCTOR: Well, they can't all be in here.

(There are indistinct voices nearby. He opens a small cupboard and finds at least 10 of those message boxes all chattering away.)

MAN [OC]: Please do you read me.
WOMAN [OC]: Structural integrity failure. Damage to dimensional stabiliser.
MAN 2: If you can hear, come and help.

(Uncle and Auntie come up behind him.)

DOCTOR: Just admiring your Time Lord distress signal collection. Nice job. Brilliant job. Really thought I had some friends here, but this is what the Ood translator picked up. Cries for help from the long dead. How many Time Lords have you lured here the way you lured me, and what happened to them all?
AUNTIE: House, House is kind and he is wise.
DOCTOR: House repairs you when you break. Yes, I know. But how does he mend you? You've got the eyes of a twenty year old.
UNCLE: Thank you.
DOCTOR: No. Oh, no, I mean it literally. Your eyes are thirty years younger than the rest of you. Your ears don't match, your right arm is two inches longer than you're left, and how's your dancing? Because you've got two left feet. Patchwork people. You've been repaired and patched up so often, I doubt there's anything left of what used to be you. I had an umbrella like you once.

(Auntie's forearm has a snake tattoo.)

AUNTIE: Oh, now, it's been a great arm for me, this.
DOCTOR: Corsair.
AUNTIE: He was a strapping big bloke, wasn't he, Uncle?
UNCLE: Big fellow.
AUNTIE: I got the arm and then Uncle got the spine and the kidneys.
UNCLE: Kidneys.
DOCTOR: You gave me hope, and then you took it away. That's enough to make anyone dangerous. God knows what it will do to me. Basically, run!
UNCLE: Poor old Time Lord. Too late. House is too clever.

(Auntie and Uncle leave. The phone rings.)

[TARDIS]

AMY: No sonic screwdriver. Also the doors seemed to have locked behind us. Rory thinks there's a perfectly innocent explanation, but I think you lied to us.

[Corridor]

DOCTOR: Time Lord stuff. Needed you out of the way.

[TARDIS]

AMY: What, we're not good enough

[Corridor]

AMY [OC]: For your smart new friends?
DOCTOR: The boxes will make you angry. How could she know?

[TARDIS]

AMY: Doctor, what are you talking about?

[Corridor]

DOCTOR: Stay put. Stay exactly where you are.

[TARDIS]

AMY: We don't have much choice.

[Brig]

DOCTOR: How did you know about the boxes? You said they'd make me angry. How did you know?
IDRIS: Ah, it's my thief.
DOCTOR: Who are you?
IDRIS: It's about time.

[TARDIS]

(The gas is working its way up the side of the TARDIS.)

AMY: He's not trusting us and he's being emotional. This is bad. This is very, very bad.
RORY: Yeah, I think it probably is.
AMY: Sometimes I hate being right.

[Brig]

DOCTOR: I don't understand. Who are you?
IDRIS: Do you not know me? Just because they put me in here?
DOCTOR: They said you were dangerous.
IDRIS: Not the cage, stupid. In here. They put me in here. I'm the. Oh, what do you call me? We travel. I go (TARDIS sound)
DOCTOR: The TARDIS?
IDRIS: Time And Relative Dimension In Space. Yes, that's it. Names are funny. It's me. I'm the TARDIS.
DOCTOR: No, you're not. You're a bitey, mad lady. The TARDIS is up and downy stuff in a big blue box.
IDRIS: Yes, that's me. A Type Forty TARDIS. I was already a museum piece when you were young, and the first time you touched my console you said-
DOCTOR: I said you were the most beautiful thing I had ever known.
IDRIS: And then you stole me. And I stole you.
DOCTOR: I borrowed you.
IDRIS: Borrowing implies the intention to return the thing that was taken. What makes you think I would ever give you back?
DOCTOR: You're the TARDIS?
IDRIS: Yes.
DOCTOR: My TARDIS?
IDRIS: My Doctor. Oh. We have now reached the point in the conversation where you open the lock.

(The Doctor sonics open the cage.)

IDRIS: Are all people like this?
DOCTOR: Like what?
IDRIS: So much bigger on the inside. I'm, oh, what is that word? It's so big, so complicated. It's so sad.
DOCTOR: But why? Why pull the living soul from a TARDIS and pop it in a tiny human head? What does it want you for?
IDRIS: Oh, it doesn't want me.
DOCTOR: How do you know?
IDRIS: House eats TARDISes.
DOCTOR: House what? What do you mean?
IDRIS: I don't know. It's something I heard you say.
DOCTOR: When?
IDRIS: In the future.
DOCTOR: House eats TARDISes?
IDRIS: There you go. What are fish fingers?
DOCTOR: When do I say that?
IDRIS: Any second.
DOCTOR: Of course. House feeds on rift energy and TARDISes are bursting with it. And not raw, all lovely and cooked. Processed food. Mmm, fish fingers.
IDRIS: Do fish have fingers?
DOCTOR: But you can't eat a TARDIS. it would destroy you. Unless, unless-
IDRIS: Unless you deleted the TARDIS Matrix first.
DOCTOR: So it deleted you.
IDRIS: But House can't just delete a TARDIS' consciousness. That would blow a hole in the universe. So he pulls out the Matrix, sticks it in a living receptacle and then it feeds off the remaining Artron energy. Oh. You were about to say all that. I don't suppose you have to now.
DOCTOR: I sent Amy and Rory in there. They'll be eaten. Amy! Amy? Rory? Get the hell out of there.

[TARDIS]

AMY: Doctor, something's wrong.

[Corridor]

DOCTOR: It's House. He's after the TARDIS. Just get out both of you.

[TARDIS]

AMY: We can't. You locked the door, remember?

[Junkyard]

DOCTOR: But I've unlocked it.

[TARDIS]

AMY: You stupid well haven't.

(The Cloister Bell starts to toll and a wind blows through.)

AMY: Doctor, I don't like this.

[Junkyard]

(The Doctor tries the screwdriver again, and snaps his fingers.)

DOCTOR: Open!

[TARDIS]

AMY: Doctor?

[Junkyard]

DOCTOR: Open this door!

[TARDIS]

AMY: Rory, hold my hand.

[Junkyard]

DOCTOR: Amy. Rory!

(The TARDIS dematerialises. The Doctor tries the phone again.)

DOCTOR: Amy? Amy, can you hear me? (no) Okay, right. I don't, I really don't know what to do. That's a new feeling.

[TARDIS]

(The TARDIS is hurtling towards a Rift.)

RORY: Listen, whatever happens, at least we're together. And we're in the TARDIS, so we're safe.
AMY: Yeah.
HOUSE [OC]: You're half right. I mean, you are in the TARDIS. What a great adventure. I should have done this half a million years ago. So, Amy, Rory, why shouldn't I just kill you now?

[Spaceship]

DOCTOR: It's gone.
IDRIS: Eaten?
DOCTOR: No, it left. Not eaten, hi-jacked. But why?
AUNTIE: It's time for us both to go, and keep together.
DOCTOR: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Go? What do you mean, go? Where are you going?
AUNTIE: Well, we're dying, my love. It's time for Auntie and Uncle to pop off.
UNCLE: I'm against it.
AUNTIE: It's your fault, isn't it, sweets? Because you told House it was the last TARDIS. House can't feed on them if there's none more coming, can he?
UNCLE: So now he's off to your universe to find more TARDISes.
DOCTOR: It won't.
AUNTIE: Oh, it'll think of something.

(Auntie collapses.)

UNCLE: Actually, I feel fine.

(Then he drops.)

DOCTOR: Not dead. You can't just die!
IDRIS: We need to go to where I landed, Doctor, quickly.
DOCTOR: Why?
IDRIS: Because we are there in three minutes. We need to go now. Ow. Roughly how long do these bodies last?
DOCTOR: You're dying.
IDRIS: Yes, of course I'm dying. I don't belong in a flesh body. I could blow the casing in no time. No, stop it. Don't get emotional. Hmm. That's what the orangey girl says. You're the Doctor. Focus.
DOCTOR: On what? How? I'm a madman with a box, without a box. I'm stuck down the plughole at the end of the universe on a stupid old junkyard. Ooo.
IDRIS: Ooo what?
DOCTOR: I'm not.
IDRIS: Not what?
DOCTOR: Because it's not a junkyard. Don't you see? It's not a junkyard.
IDRIS: What is it then?
DOCTOR: It's a TARDIS junkyard. Come on! Oh, sorry. Do you have a name?
IDRIS: Seven hundred years, finally he asks.
DOCTOR: But what do I call you?
IDRIS: I think you call me Sexy.
DOCTOR: Only when we're alone.
IDRIS: We are alone.
DOCTOR: Oh. Come on then, Sexy.

[House]

HOUSE [OC]: Corridors. I have corridors. So much to learn about my new home. But you haven't answered my question, children.
RORY: Er, question?
HOUSE [OC]: You remember. Tell me why I shouldn't just kill you both now?
AMY: Well, because. Rory, why?
RORY: Because killing us quickly wouldn't be any fun. And you need fun, don't you? That's what Uncle and Auntie were for, wasn't it? Someone to make suffer. I had a PE teacher just like you. You need to be entertained, and killing us quickly wouldn't be entertainment.
HOUSE [OC]: So entertain me. Run.

[Junkyard]

DOCTOR: A valley of half eaten TARDISes. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
IDRIS: I'm thinking that all of my sisters are dead. That they were devoured, and that we are looking at their corpses.
DOCTOR: Ah. Sorry. No, I wasn't thinking that.
IDRIS: No. You were thinking you could build a working TARDIS console out of broken remnants of a hundred different models. And you don't care that it's impossible.
DOCTOR: It's not impossible as long as we're alive. Rory and Amy need me. So yeah, we're going to build a TARDIS.

[TARDIS corridor]

HOUSE [OC]: So are we having fun yet? I'm rather enjoying the sensation of having you running around inside me.

(Amy nearly falls down a perpendicular corridor.)

HOUSE [OC]: I've turned off the corridor anti-gravs, so do be careful.
AMY: Come on.

(They edge their way around the hole and keep running.)

[Junkyard]

IDRIS: Bond the tube directly into the Tachyon Diverter.
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, I have actually rebuilt a TARDIS before, you know. I know what I'm doing.
IDRIS: You're like a nine year old trying to rebuild a motorbike in his bedroom. And you never read the instructions.
DOCTOR: I always read the instructions.
IDRIS: There's a sign on my front door. You have been walking past it for seven hundred years. What does it say?
DOCTOR: That's not instructions.
IDRIS: There's an instruction at the bottom. What does it say?
DOCTOR: Pull to open.
IDRIS: Yes. And what do you do?
DOCTOR: I push.
IDRIS: Every single time. Seven hundred years. Police Box doors open out the way.
DOCTOR: I think I have earned the right to open my front doors any way I want.
IDRIS: Your front doors? Have you any idea how childish that sounds?
DOCTOR: You are not my mother.
IDRIS: And you are not my child.
DOCTOR: You know, since we're talking with mouths, not really an opportunity that comes along very often, I just want to say, you know, you have never been very reliable.
IDRIS: And you have?
DOCTOR: You didn't always take me where I wanted to go.
IDRIS: No, but I always took you where you needed to go.
DOCTOR: You did. Look at us talking. Wouldn't it be amazing if we could always talk, even when you're stuck inside the box?
IDRIS: You know I'm not constructed that way. I exist across all space and time, and you talk and run around and bring home strays.

(Idris buckles at the knees. The Doctor catches her.)

DOCTOR: You okay?
IDRIS: One of the kidneys has already failed. It doesn't matter. We need to finish assembling the console.
DOCTOR: Using a console without a proper shell. It's not going to be safe.
IDRIS: This body has about eighteen minutes left to live. The universe we're in will reach Absolute Zero in three hours. Safe is relative.
DOCTOR: Then we need to get a move on. Eh, old girl?

[TARDIS corridor]

(A bulkhead slams shut, separating Amy and Rory.)

RORY: No! Amy!
AMY: No!
RORY: Amy.
RORY [OC]: Amy? Amy? Amy?

(Rory is sitting at the other end of the corridor.)

AMY: Rory?
RORY: Where have you been?
AMY: I stepped through that door and it came down here.
RORY: But you've been hours.
AMY: No, I haven't. It's House, and it's messing with the TARDIS. Come on, back this way.

(And a bulkhead slams shut, separating them again.)

RORY: No!
AMY: No! Oh.

[Junkyard]

(The console is almost complete.)

IDRIS: You'll need to install the time rotor.

(He does.)

DOCTOR: How is this going to make it through the rift? How? We're almost done. Thrust diffuser? Er, retroscope. Blue thingy.

(Idris examines a wire coat hanger.)

IDRIS: Do you ever wonder why I chose you all those years ago?
DOCTOR: I chose you. You were unlocked.
IDRIS: Of course I was. I wanted to see the universe, so I stole a Time Lord and I ran away. And you were the only one mad enough.
DOCTOR: Right. Perfect. Look at that. What could possibly go wrong?

(A piece falls off the console.)

DOCTOR: That's fine. That always happens. No, hang on. Wait.

(He gets a couple of pieces of red rope with hooks on the ends.)

[TARDIS corridor]

(An old bearded man is crouching by a stanchion.)

RORY: Amy?
AMY: Oh, my God. Rory?
RORY: You left me. How could you do that? How could you leave me?
AMY: How long have you been here?
RORY: Two thousand years I waited for you. You did it to me again.
AMY: I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry. Rory, what are you doing?
RORY: They come for me at night. Every single night, they come for me and they hurt me. Amy, they hurt me over and over and over and over
AMY: Rory.
RORY: How could you leave me? How could you do that to me?

(Amy backs away, and a bulkhead shuts, separating them.)

[Junkyard]

(The ropes are safety lines.)

DOCTOR: Right. Okay, let's go. Follow that TARDIS.

(Nothing happens.)

DOCTOR: Oh no, come on. There's rift energy everywhere. You can do it. Okay, diverting all power to thrust. Let's be having you.

(Bang, sparks.)

DOCTOR: No, no, no, no.
IDRIS: What's wrong?
DOCTOR: It can't hold the charge. It can't even start. There's no power. I've got nothing.
IDRIS: Oh, my beautiful idiot. You have what you've always had. You've got me.

(Idris kisses her finger, and transfers golden energy to the console. They dematerialise.)

[TARDIS corridor]

('Hate Amy Kill Amy Die Amy' is written on the wall in blood. A decayed corpse is lying around the corner.)

AMY: No! No! Rory, I'm so, so sorry.
RORY: Amy?

(The corpse and graffiti disappear.)

RORY: It's messing with our heads. Come on, run.

[Rift]

DOCTOR: Whoo hoo!
IDRIS: We've locked on to them. They'll have to lower the shields when I'm close enough to phase inside.
DOCTOR: Can you get a message to Amy? The telepathic circuits are online.
IDRIS: Which one's Amy? The pretty one?

[Ladder]

(Rory gets a headache.)

RORY: Argh.
AMY: Rory, what's wrong?
RORY: It's like I'm getting a message.
IDRIS: Hello, Pretty.
RORY: What the hell is that?
DOCTOR: Don't worry. Telepathic messaging. No, that's Rory.
IDRIS: You have to go to the old control room. I'm putting the route in your head. When you get there use the purple slider on the nearest panel to lower the shields.
DOCTOR: The pretty one?
IDRIS: You'll have about twelve seconds before the room goes into phase with the invading Matrix. I'll send you the pass key when you get there. Good luck.
AMY: What was that?
RORY: It was that woman. That mad woman and the Doctor.
AMY: The Doctor?
RORY: We have to keep going.

[Rift]

DOCTOR: How's he going to be able to take down the shields anyway? The House is in the control room.
IDRIS: I directed him to one of the old control rooms.
DOCTOR: There aren't any old control rooms. They were all deleted or remodelled.
IDRIS: I archive them, for neatness. I've got about thirty now.
DOCTOR: But I've only changed the desktop, what, a dozen times?
IDRIS: So far, yes.
DOCTOR: You can't archive something that hasn't happened yet.
IDRIS: You can't.

[TARDIS corridor]

AMY: What happened to the lights?
RORY: The lights are fine. Oh, it's messing with our heads again. Okay, stay there a second.
AMY: What is it? What?
RORY: Just hang on.
AMY: Don't leave me. I can hardly see, you idiot.

(Rory goes round the corner into a bright light.)

RORY [OC]: Argh.
AMY: Rory? Rory?
RORY [OC]: It's okay, I'm fine. Come towards my voice.
AMY: What happened? Where are you?
RORY [OC]: I just banged my head. Just keep coming. Reach out your hand.

(Amy walks past Rory lying unconscious on the floor and touches the Ood's tentacles. She screams, the lights come up and Rory comes to her.)

RORY: This way. Come on, run!

[Rift]

DOCTOR: Keep going. You're doing it, you sexy thing.
IDRIS: See, you do call me that. Is it my name?
DOCTOR: You bet it's your name.
IDRIS: Whoo!

[TARDIS corridor]

AMY: I can see now, Rory. I can see.
RORY: It was the Ood thing, the Nephew and it's still coming.
AMY: I know. So where is this place?

(They come to a dead end.)

RORY: This is where she told me to go. She said she'd send me the pass key. Ow!
IDRIS + RORY: Crimson. Eleven. Delight. Petrichor.
AMY: Petrichor?
RORY: What do I do? Do I say it? Crimson. Eleven. Delight. Petrichor. I said it.
AMY: Petrichor. Petrichor.
RORY: I said it.
AMY: Petrichor. She told you what it meant. The smell of wet dust, remember? So, oh, it's the meaning, not the word.
RORY: The meaning of what?
AMY: The TARDIS interface is telepathic. You don't say it, you think it.

(The Ood is at the far end of the corridor.)

RORY: It's coming.
AMY: Quiet. Crimson. Eleven. Delight. The smell of dust after rain. Crimson, eleven, delight, the smell of dust after rain. Crimson, eleven, delight, the smell of dust after rain.

(Amy pictures a flat, a birthday cake, her wedding, a raindrop falling into dust. The door opens.)

[TARDIS]

AMY: What is this place? Another control room?
RORY: Right, shields. Got it.

[Rift]

IDRIS: They did it. Shields down.

[TARDIS]

HOUSE [OC]: How did you find this place? It's not on my internal schematics. I had hoped you two could join Nephew as my servants. But you two are nothing but trouble. Nephew, kill them.

(Rory gets another painful telepathic message.)

IDRIS: We're coming through. Get out of the way or you'll be atomised.
RORY: Where are you coming through?
IDRIS: I don't know.
RORY: Oh, great. Thanks.

[Rift]

(The console is closing on the TARDIS.)

IDRIS: It's not going to hold.

[TARDIS]

RORY: Hold on.

(The console materialises in a shower of sparks.)

AMY: Doctor.
IDRIS: Not good. Not good at all. How do you walk around in these things?
DOCTOR: We're not quite there yet. Just hold on. Amy, this is, well, she's my TARDIS. Except she's a woman. She's a woman, and she's my TARDIS.
AMY: She's the TARDIS?
DOCTOR: And she's a woman. She's a woman and she's the TARDIS.
AMY: Did you wish really hard?
DOCTOR: Shut up. Not like that.
IDRIS: Hello. I'm Sexy.
DOCTOR: Oh. Still shut up.
HOUSE [OC]: The environment has been breached. Nephew, kill them all.
RORY: Where's Nephew?
AMY: He was standing right where you materialised.
DOCTOR: Ah. Well, he must have been redistributed.
RORY: Meaning what?
DOCTOR: You're breathing him.
AMY: Oh, come on.
DOCTOR: Another Ood I failed to save.
HOUSE [OC]: Doctor. I did not expect you.
DOCTOR: Well, that's me all over, isn't it? Lovely old unexpected me.
HOUSE [OC]: The big question is, now you're here, how to dispose of you? I could play with gravity.

(They get pulled to the floor for a few seconds.)

HOUSE [OC]: Or I could evacuate the air from this room and watch you choke.
DOCTOR: You really don't want to do that.
HOUSE [OC]: Why shouldn't I just kill you now?
DOCTOR: Because then I won't be able to help you. Listen to your engines. Just listen to them. You don't have the thrust and you know it. Right now I'm your only hope for getting out of your little bubble through the rift, and into my universe. And mine's the one with the food in.
IDRIS: Water, water.
DOCTOR: You just have to promise not to kill us. That's all, just promise.
AMY: You can't be serious.
DOCTOR: I'm very serious. I'm sure it's an entity of its word.
RORY: Doctor, she's burning up. She's asking for water.
DOCTOR: Hey. Hang in there, old girl. Not long now. It'll be over soon.
IDRIS: I always liked it when you call me old girl.
HOUSE [OC]: You want me to give my word? Easy. I promise.
DOCTOR: Fine. Okay. I trust you. Just delete, oh er, thirty percent of the TARDIS rooms, you'll free up thrust enough to make it through. Activate subroutine Sigma nine.
HOUSE [OC]: Why would you tell me this?
DOCTOR: Because we want to get back to our universe as badly as you do. And I'm nice.
HOUSE [OC]: Yes. I can delete rooms. And I can also rid myself of vermin if I delete this room first. Thank you, Doctor. Very helpful. Goodbye, Time Lord. Goodbye, little humans. Goodbye, Idris.

(Bright light. The TARDIS returns to normal space with an empty console room. Then the four of them appear.)

DOCTOR: Yes. I mean, you could do that, but it just won't work. Hardwired fail safe. Living things from rooms that are deleted are automatically deposited in the main control room. But thanks for the lift.
HOUSE [OC]: We are in your universe now, Doctor. Why should it matter to me in which room you die? I can kill you just as easily here as anywhere. Fear me. I've killed hundreds of Time Lords.
DOCTOR: Fear me. I've killed all of them.

(Idris is still telepathically telling Rory stuff.)

RORY: I don't understand. There isn't a forest in here.
DOCTOR: Yeah, you're right. You've completely won. Oh, you can kill us in oodles of really inventive ways, but before you do kill us allow me and friends Amy and Rory to congratulate you on being an absolutely worthy opponent.
AMY: Congratulations.
DOCTOR: Yep, you've defeated us. Me and my lovely friends here, and last but definitely not least, the TARDIS Matrix herself, a living consciousness you ripped out of this very control room and locked up into a human body. And look at her.
RORY: Doctor, she's stopped breathing.
HOUSE [OC]: Enough. That is enough.
DOCTOR: No. It's never enough. You forced the TARDIS into a body so she'd burn out safely a very long way away from this control room. A flesh body can't hold the TARDIS Matrix and live. Look at her body, House.
HOUSE [OC]: And you think I should mourn her?
DOCTOR: No. I think you should be very, very careful about what you let back into this control room. You took her from her home. But now she's back in the box again, and she's free.

(The golden energy streams from Idris into the console then out again and through the TARDIS.)

HOUSE [OC]: No. Doctor, stop this. Argh! Stop this now.
DOCTOR: Oh, look at my girl. Look at her go. Bigger on the inside. You see, House?
HOUSE [OC]: Make her stop.
DOCTOR: That's your problem. Size of a planet, but inside you are just so small.
HOUSE [OC]: Make it stop.
DOCTOR: Finish him off, girl.
HOUSE [OC]: Ow. Don't do this! Argh!

(Golden Idris is standing on the stairs.)

IDRIS: Doctor, are you there? It's so very dark in here.
DOCTOR: I'm here.
IDRIS: I've been looking for a word. A big, complicated word, but so sad. I've found it now.
DOCTOR: What word?
IDRIS: Alive. I'm alive.
DOCTOR: Alive isn't sad.
IDRIS: It's sad when it's over. I'll always be here, but this is when we talked, and now even that has come to an end. There's something I didn't get to say to you.
DOCTOR: Goodbye?
IDRIS: No. I just wanted to say hello. Hello, Doctor. It's so very, very nice to meet you.
DOCTOR: Please. I don't want you to. Please.

(Idris dematerialises.)

DOCTOR: Where?

(Later, the Doctor is doing some work below the console.)

RORY: How's it going under there?
DOCTOR: Just putting a firewall around the Matrix. Almost done.
AMY: Are you going to make her talk again?
DOCTOR: I can't.
RORY: Why not?
AMY: Spacey wacey, isn't it?
DOCTOR: Well, actually, it's because the Time Lords discovered that if you take an eleventh dimensional matrix and fold it into a mechanical then -- Yes, it's spacey wacey.
RORY: Sorry. At the end, she was talking. She kept repeating something. I don't know what it meant.
DOCTOR: What did she say?
RORY: The only water in the forest is the river. She said we'd need to know that someday. It doesn't make sense, does it?
DOCTOR: Not yet. You okay?
RORY: No. I watched her die. I shouldn't let it get to me, but it still does. I'm a nurse.
DOCTOR: Letting it get to you. You know what that's called? Being alive. Best thing there is. Being alive right now, that's all that counts. Nearly finished. Two more minutes, then we're off. The Eye of Orion's restful, if you like restful. I can never really get the hang of restful. What do you think, dear? Where shall we take the kids this time?
AMY: Look at you pair. It's always you and her, isn't it, long after the rest of us have gone. A boy and his box, off to see the universe.
DOCTOR: Well, you say that as if it's a bad thing. But honestly, it's the best thing there is. The House deleted all the bedrooms. I should probably make you two a new bedroom. You'd like that, wouldn't you?
AMY: Okay. Er, Doctor, this time could we lose the bunk beds?
DOCTOR: No. Bunk beds are cool. A bed with a ladder. You can't beat that. It's your room. Out those stairs, keep walking till you find it. Off you pop.
RORY: Doctor, do you have a room?

(Amy pulls Rory away. Later, the Doctor's work is finished.)

DOCTOR: Are you there? Can you hear me? Oh, I'm a silly old. Okay. The Eye of Orion, or wherever we need to go.

(Levers move on their own.)

DOCTOR: Ha ha! Whoo hoo.

Transcript originally provided by Chrissie. Adapted by TARDIS.guide. The transcripts are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.

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