Part One

[Playground]

(An impromptu football match, and the ball gets kicked into the woods.)

FINNEY: Tony!
TONY: Sorry.

(He goes through the fence to retrieve it.)

FINNEY: Get a move on, Tony!
TONY: I can't find it!

(A figure flashes past him.)

TONY: Who's there?
FINNEY: Tony?

(Laughter from somewhere.)

BOY: Tony? Tony? Tony? Tony?

(Tony finds the football. Someone runs past.)

TONY: Stu? Finney, is that you?

(A clown pops up in front of him.)

[Kitchen]

(Luke is reading an email while Sarah Jane packs a rucksack.)

MARIA [OC]: Hi Luke, how are you? How's everything back home? It seems like only yesterday I was saying goodbye, but time flies when you're having fun. I miss you all so much!
SARAH JANE: There are worse things than aliens. These children going missing, it's terrible.

(The Ealing Echo headline is Third Child Vanishes.)

SARAH JANE: How is she? Does she like Washington?
LUKE: She says it's awesome.
SARAH JANE: It sounds like Maria's going to fit in perfectly.
LUKE: Sounds like it.
SARAH JANE: Luke, I know it's hard when a really good friend, someone you really care about, moves out of your life. But you'll see Maria again. Well, she's coming back for her mum's wedding, isn't she? I'm sure we'll all meet up then.
LUKE: It won't be the same.
SARAH JANE: Maybe not, but, you know, that's not always so bad. One of the best things about life is it's always surprising us.

(Clyde bounces in.)

CLYDE: Morning people. This is Clyde Langer reporting live from Bannerman Road where, at this precise moment there's a new family moving in at number 36.

[Bannerman Road]

CLYDE: Boy, they have no idea what they're moving in over the road from.
SARAH JANE: No, and they're never going to find out, do you hear? Both of you. Promise me you'll never breathe a word about what we do, Mister Smith, any of it.
LUKE: Why would we? It's not like it's Maria, is it? Come on, we're going to be late.
CLYDE: Yeah, sure. Don't worry, we won't say anything. We'd just better hope Maria never left anything lying around when she went.
SARAH JANE: What do you mean?
CLYDE: Well, you know, we've been hanging with some pretty random intergalactic sorts. Who knows what might have rubbed off and still be over there?

[Park Vale locker room]

LUKE: I did not fancy Maria.
CLYDE: Boy, I taught you well, didn't I? Clyde's Cool Rule Number Two, deny all emotion, especially when involving girls.
LUKE: I just miss her, okay? Don't you?
CLYDE: Course I miss her, but people move on, Luke. Ask my mum and dad.
LUKE: I've never lost anyone before.
CLYDE: Well, it's not going to be the same without her, that's for sure. I mean, who am I going to have to save from Sontarans, the Slitheen and Gorgons now?

(A girl bumps into Clyde and drops her books.)

CLYDE: Hey! Watch where you're.

(Then he notices that she is pretty.)

CLYDE: Don't, don't mention it. It's no problem.
RANI: Sorry. I'm looking for Mister Cunningham's form.
LUKE: That's our class.
RANI: I start today.
CLYDE: And you run into me. Now that's what I call a start.
RANI: Yeah, like starting the hundred metres in the Olympics and tripping over your laces.
LUKE: This is Clyde. He thinks he's cool. I'm Luke.
CLYDE: Who isn't.
RANI: Rani. My family just moved in to Bannerman Road.
LUKE: Bannerman Road?
CLYDE: Of course. Where else? Sarah Jane's right, the universe never stops weirding you out.
RANI: Sarah who?
LUKE: Never mind. Come on, I'll take you to class.

(At then end of a corridor is a glimpse of very bright striped pajamas.)

RANI: Did you just see that?
CLYDE: See what?
RANI: Never mind. Come on, I'd better not be late.

[Classroom]

CUNNINGHAM: So the football team has been knocked out of the Inter-Schools Challenge, by West Hill after a 4-0 mauling last night.
ALL: Boo!
CUNNINGHAM: Yeah, all right, settle down, settle down. So we'll be looking for better news in the National Schools Science Challenge. Anybody who wants to sign up for the team should see Miss Webster. I'll be expecting to see your name on the list, Luke.
CLYDE: Lukey!
ALL: Lukey! Lukey!
RANI: You a bit of a brain-box then, Luke?
CLYDE: They haven't got a box big enough.
HARESH: That's enough! Silence, the lot of you. This is a classroom, not the home end at Stamford Bridge.
CUNNINGHAM: Class, this is Mister Chandra, our new Head.
HARESH: This is a school. My school. And you come here to learn, not to play about. You, boy, sit up straight and pay attention! And that goes for all of you. I know it's been a while since your last head teacher, Mister Blakeman, disappeared, and it looks like standards around here vanished with him. But, listen up. Park Vale has a new captain on the bridge now.
CLYDE: (sotto) I'm getting a very serious sinking feeling.
HARESH: I'm a fair captain but believe me, I run a very tight ship.
CLYDE: Aye, aye, Skipper.

(The class giggle.)

HARESH: Ah, the joker in the pack.
CLYDE: I do my best.
HARESH: Well, Clyde Langer, I hope your classwork is as sharp as your wit.

(Rani sees a clown with a red balloon at the window.)

CLYDE: It takes brains to be this funny.
HARESH: No, Langer. It takes brains to know when to shut up and listen. Now, a third child has gone missing. I'm speaking to all classes today, reminding you all to be careful, and just as importantly, telling you all that if you see anything or anyone suspicious, to tell the police immediately.

[Outside the Chandra home]

(Sarah Jane rings the bell. She has a thermos and a plate of cup cakes with her.)

GITA: Yes? Hello?
SARAH JANE: Oh, hello. I live over the road. I saw you were moving in. Thought maybe you hadn't had time to find the kettle yet.
GITA: Oh, tell me, do you save the world every day, or is it just on Mondays? Oh, come on in, come in.

[Chandra home]

GITA: Sorry it's such a state. I had a plan, a list, you know, of what was what and where it was going. But then you have to go and use removal men, don't you? And frankly my darling, you might as well give in to chaos. Oh, I'm Gita by the way.
SARAH JANE: Sarah Jane.
GITA: Well, I'm very pleased to meet you, Sarah.
SARAH JANE: Jane.
GITA: Lovely. Shall I see if I can find some cups?
SARAH JANE: Perfect.
GITA: So, that's your house, is it? The big one right opposite?

(Sarah Jane does a quick scan with her watch.)

SARAH JANE: Yes.
GITA: Do you have kids, Sarah?
SARAH JANE: Sarah Jane. All clear.
GITA: Sorry?
SARAH JANE: Oh, just my son, Luke. There's just the two of us.
GITA: Ah. We've got a girl, Rani. She's very clever.

[Playground]

RANI: So what were the last people like that lived in our house? Mister Jackson and his daughter.
LUKE: Nice. I miss Maria.
RANI: Oh, yeah?
LUKE: I mean, we were friends. Maria, Clyde and me.
RANI: We can be friends.
LUKE: Yeah. But it wouldn't be the same.
RANI: Oh. Sorry I suggested it.
LUKE: No, I didn't mean it like that. I can't explain. Inter-personal relationships is something I haven't mastered yet.
RANI: You know, I hope you don't mind me telling you, but you do know you're a bit weird, don't you? I mean, I think you're all right, just a bit strange.
LUKE: I'm not strange, I'm just different. There's a difference.
RANI: Yeah. I suppose. These kids going missing, though, that is weird. Three in two weeks. And the police just don't have a clue.
LUKE: Don't worry, statistically the chances of you being abducted are extremely remote.
RANI: I'm not worried. I'm interested, that's all. It's weird. I'm into weird. Have you ever seen anything strange? I mean around the school?
LUKE: Like what?

(Clyde thumps a red balloon, and it hits Mister Chandra.)

HARESH: Langer! My office, now!

[Chandra kitchen]

GITA: So what do you do for a living, Sarah?
SARAH JANE: I'm a freelance journalist.
GITA: A journalist? My Rani wants to be a journalist. What a coincidence. Perhaps she should come round? You could give her some tips.
SARAH JANE: Well, my work tends to be rather specialised. And I'm very busy. In fact, I really should be getting on now.
GITA: She'll be so excited. And she and your Luke are bound to be friends. Oh, you'll love her. She's very curious, wants to know everything about everybody.
SARAH JANE: Does she? Oh, good.

[Outside the Headmaster's office]

FINNEY: He still got you here? But it was an accident.
CLYDE: Yeah, well, we didn't exactly hit it off from the start. I think Mister Chandra's jealous of my popularity.
FINNEY: Your trouble is you don't know when to lay off.
CLYDE: Yeah? Being funny is a curse. It's like me and the Wolfman. Life's just one big shaggy dog story.
FINNEY: I need some stuff for art club.

(He goes into the Stationary cupboard. Clyde sees a clown reflected in the trophy cabinet.)

CLYDE: Dave? Finney, are you in there?

(Laughter from the cupboard.)

[Stationary cupboard]

(No one is in here. Laughter again.)

CLYDE: Finney, are you messing me around?

[Outside the Headmaster's office]

(Clyde sees a clown with a balloon standing at the end of the corridor.)

CLYDE: Hey!

(Clyde runs toward him, but he waves a large handkerchief and vanishes. The male toilet door closes.)

[Toilets]

(Clyde goes in and checks all the stalls are empty, then he sees the clown in the mirror.)

CLYDE: What are you?
ODD BOB: All I want to do is give you a balloon.

(The clown's arm comes out of the mirror.)

HARESH: Langer! I've been looking for you. Why aren't you outside my office?

(The clown has vanished.)

[Headmaster's office]

HARESH: A clown.
CLYDE: That's what I saw. Look, if I'm making this up, tell me, where is Finney? I mean Dave?
HARESH: He's been kidnapped by a clown from the stationery cupboard. Langer, I don't know what sort of game you're playing, but this is not the way to make an impression on me.
CLYDE: Yeah, I should've kept my mouth shut.
HARESH: Children are disappearing and you think that's something to joke about?
CLYDE: But you said, you told us, if we see anything suspicious to sing out. Well, I am. Look, I tell jokes, not lies, sir.
HARESH: David Finn has probably just bunked off school early.
CLYDE: He wouldn't. Ask anyone.
HARESH: So how come no one else has seen this clown? Not even our CCTV cameras?
CLYDE: Oh, what's the use? I knew I was wasting my time even talking to you. You're never going to believe me. It's a good thing there's someone else who will.

[Playground]

LUKE: So you think we should tell Mum?
CLYDE: What do you think? Mister Chandra's called the police in, but they're not exactly going to be looking for a clown that comes at you out of a mirror, are they?
LUKE: You didn't tell him that part, did you?
CLYDE: What am I? Mr Thicko from Thicksville? Course I didn't. But we know aliens have nabbed kids before. Do you remember Kudlak?
LUKE: Yes. Aliens. That was a clown. Why would an alien be dressed as a clown?
CLYDE: So you don't believe me, either. Thanks a lot, mate.
LUKE: I do believe you. I just don't understand.
CLYDE: Well, there's a first.

(Clyde sees the clown in the park across the road.)

CLYDE: There it is!
LUKE: Where?
CLYDE: Oh, come on.

[Alleyway]

CLYDE: He's there!

(But not when Luke looks.)

CLYDE: Come on.

(They run after the now you see him now you don't clown.)

LUKE: Where is he?
CLYDE: Search me. But he was here. Look.

(The balloon is tied to a wheelie bin.)

RANI: Don't touch it!
CLYDE: Why?
RANI: I don't know why, just don't.

(The balloon bursts.)

[Bannerman Road]

LUKE: But you didn't tell anyone?
RANI: What am I supposed to say? Look, Mum and Dad, I don't want to worry you, but I'm seeing clowns that no one else can see?
LUKE: Why not?
RANI: Do you want them to get me locked up?
LUKE: Why would they do that?
RANI: What planet is he from?
CLYDE: Oh, Earth. Mostly.
RANI: Yeah. You're so funny, Clyde. No wonder the head teacher loves you.
CLYDE: Look, Rani, whatever this clown thing is, I think we should leave it to the police, don't you?
RANI: They don't even believe it exists. You know that.
LUKE: Clyde's right. It's nothing to do with us.
RANI: There's something happening here that doesn't make everyday sense. Maybe you can ignore it because it doesn't go with your MP3 player or your designer trainers, but I can't. I've got to know what's going on.
CLYDE: Sarah Jane's going to love this one.
RANI: Look, there's something I've got to tell you. Something about me you ought to know.
CLYDE: You're from another planet. I already guessed.
LUKE: Actually, Clyde, it's worse than that.

(Mister Chandra gets out of his car.)

CLYDE: Oh, no. Rani, please tell me there's a good reason why our new head just pulled up outside your house that doesn't involve the word dad.
RANI: Honestly, he's all right, really. It's just his job.
CLYDE: Yeah, that's what they said about Doctor Frankenstein.
HARESH: Rani.
RANI: Hi, Dad.
GITA: Haresh! Don't worry, there's still plenty of boxes for you to open. Rani, how was your first day at school? Did your dad go all Captain Bligh again?
HARESH: I do not go Captain Bligh.
RANI: Yeah, just a bit. This is Luke and Clyde.
LUKE: Luke Smith. Pleased to meet you.
HARESH: Luke Smith?
SARAH JANE: He's my son. I'm Sarah Jane Smith.
HARESH: I've been looking at his results for the past year. Very, very impressive. Remarkable, in fact.
SARAH JANE: Yes, well, he's very gifted.
GITA: Sarah's a journalist.
RANI: For real? I'm really interested in becoming a reporter. Maybe I can come over some time?
SARAH JANE: Oh, well, I really am rather busy.
CLYDE: Clyde Langer, the joker in the pack, apparently. Oh, and I see clowns that don't exist.

[Attic]

SARAH JANE: Of course your head teacher was never going to believe you, Clyde. Nor would the police. Children don't vanish out of closed rooms. It's impossible as far as they are concerned.
CLYDE: But what about the clown? If it's an alien taking these kids, a clown disguise isn't exactly low profile, is it?
LUKE: But it might know that kids are supposed to like clowns.
SARAH JANE: Personally, they always gave me nightmares.
LUKE: Coulrophobia. It's the fear of clowns. Johnny Depp has it.
CLYDE: What encyclopaedia did you find that in?
LUKE: Heat.
SARAH JANE: Now we need to talk to someone close to this boy that went missing today. Now, his parents will be too busy with the police by now. What about any of his other friends?
CLYDE: It's Monday, so they'll be at football training.
LUKE: What about Rani? She's seen the clown too.
SARAH JANE: I don't want her involved.
LUKE: But she seemed pretty determined to find out what's going on. And she might be in danger.
SARAH JANE: You're right. Someone should keep an eye on her.
CLYDE: Yeah. Yeah, I'll do that.
LUKE: I don't think her dad would let you go anywhere near her.

[Chandra kitchen]

HARESH: So, it looks as if the boy disappeared like the others.
GITA: His poor parents, must be going out of their minds. Urgh, makes me ill just thinking about it. You watch yourself, won't you, Rani?
HARESH: She'll be fine, as long as she stays away from that Langer boy.
RANI: David Finn is one of Clyde's best friends, Dad. He wasn't making it up. Clyde saw a clown. Why would he lie?
HARESH: I don't know. But a clown, it's ridiculous. I was thinking the police should take a look at Finn's school books. There's still a chance that something was worrying him and he ran away. If so, there may be a clue there.
GITA: Before that, you can help me move the bed. Those removal men didn't listen to a word I said.
HARESH: And they got out alive?
GITA: Come on, I'll show you.

(Haresh and Gita leave. Rani gets Finney's exercise books out of the bag and looks at them. There is the face of a clown drawn on the back of each of them, and that clown in peering in at the window. She shuts her eyes.)

RANI: No. You're not there.

(When she opens them, it is not at the window, it is standing next to her.)

GITA: Rani, you've got a visitor.
LUKE: Thought you might need a hand unpacking.

[Football practice]

STEVE: My dad says journalists are scum. They're like crows picking at road-kill.
CLYDE: Well, I guess he only buys a newspaper to look at the pictures then. Oh, come on, Steve. Sarah Jane's trying to help find Finney.
STEVE: I don't know anything.
SARAH JANE: Well, had he been acting strangely recently?
STEVE: No, not that I saw.
CLYDE: What about clowns? Did he ever say anything about clowns?
STEVE: No. Hang on. There was this clown handing out tickets by the station.
STEVE [memory]: Take a hike, Krusty.
SARAH JANE: So Tony Warner, the boy that went missing in the park, he took a ticket as well?
STEVE: Yeah. But they were just tickets from a clown. It doesn't mean anything, does it?
SARAH JANE: What were the tickets for?
CLYDE: Just a minute. I'd forgotten all about this. My mum picked it up for me at the shops.

(Clyde takes a crumpled ticked from his pocket.)

SARAH JANE: Spellman's Magical Museum of the Circus.
CLYDE: Like I'd want to go.

[Rani's bedroom]

RANI: It was in the kitchen, Luke. It's getting closer to me.
LUKE: Don't worry, it's gone now.
RANI: There's more. Look at this. Dad's taking Finney's books to the police. They're looking for clues, but I don't think they'll be looking for size twenty footprints.
LUKE: If they do take this seriously, there might not be anything they can do.
RANI: You see! This isn't natural. None of it. It's, it's supernatural!
LUKE: I doubt it's supernatural.
RANI: You've got such a closed mind. The supernatural is only science we don't know yet, like life on other planets.
LUKE: That's different.
RANI: I've got to do something, Luke. Look at those pictures. Finney was seeing the clown the same as I am.

(Then they find his ticket in Finney's sketch book.)

LUKE: Spellman's Magical Museum of the Circus?

(Rani gets hers out of her rucksack.)

RANI: People were handing these out by the Tube.
LUKE: I think you should talk to my mum.
RANI: I can't talk to anyone, Luke. Don't you get it? You haven't seen the clown. I think only kids that get one of these can see it, and then they disappear.
LUKE: Clyde saw it.
RANI: Then he must have a ticket.
LUKE: Believe me, Mum understands things like this.
RANI: Luke, whatever's going on here, no one understands things like this. But this ticket, it's got to be a clue. Are you coming?

[Outside the Museum of the Circus]

CLYDE: Welcome to the Circus of Horrors.
SARAH JANE: You know, Clyde, occasionally your sense of humour really leaves something to be desired.
CLYDE: Who said I was joking? Are you all right?
SARAH JANE: Clowns make my skin crawl. Come on.

[Museum]

(Laughing clowns in cases, stuffed bears and elephants, wall displays.)

CLYDE: Like, museums don't normally creep me out. All those stuffed animals, old bones and mummies. But this place doesn't just take the biscuit, this place gets the whole Christmas tin.

(A Ringmaster in traditional hunting pink, top hat, riding boots and whip appears. He has a slight Teutonic accent.)

SPELLMAN: Welcome, welcome to Spellman's Magical Museum of the Circus and the story of the most wondrous family entertainment in the world. From the tumblers and jugglers of Ancient Rome to the father of the modern circus, believe it or not, a Sergeant Major in the 15th Light Dragoons.
SARAH JANE: Mister Spellman, I presume.
SPELLMAN: Elijah Spellman at your service.
SARAH JANE: My name is Sarah Jane Smith. I'm a journalist. This is my friend, Clyde. We're here to talk to you about clowns.
SPELLMAN: Ah, the princes of the sawdust ring. This way, please.

[Clown room]

(Three shelves of painted eggs on one wall. Lots of mannequins dressed in various clown styles - whitefaces and various famous augustes like Coco.)

SPELLMAN: Mankind has always needed someone to make them laugh, slave or king.
CLYDE: Can you do me a favour and drop a note to my head teacher?
SPELLMAN: The Pharaohs had fools. So did the Native Americans. We had harlequins, and, in the Middle Ages, the jester.
SARAH JANE: It's not so much the clown's showbiz history that I'm interested in, as their reputation for scaring people.
SPELLMAN: The fear of the painted smile.
SARAH JANE: It's not as simple as that, Mister Spellman. They used to paint clowns on the walls of children's wards, but when they were asked, every child said the pictures scared them. Children sense things. I know.

[Outside the Museum of the Circus]

RANI: Come on!
LUKE: I really don't think we should be doing this.
RANI: Okay, we won't. I'll go in on my own.

[Clown room]

(Clyde is looking at a naive painting of a man in striped clothes playing a wind instrument.)

CLYDE: Sarah Jane, look at this. These are the same colours as the clown I saw. Red, yellow and blue.
SARAH JANE: This isn't a clown, this is the Pied Piper. The story goes he rid Hamelin of its plague of rats, then when the town refused to pay him he came back and took all their children.
SPELLMAN: The oldest, and most accurate picture of the Pied Piper. The colours of his costume signify he was a travelling entertainer. But, I'm afraid, even clowns have their dark days.
SARAH JANE: And that's exactly the sort of clown I'm interested in, Mister Spellman. One that makes children disappear.
CLYDE: But the Pied Piper was a fairy tale.
SARAH JANE: Myths, legends, fairy tales. Every story has its inspiration, Clyde. Mister Spellman?
CLYDE: Where did he go?
SARAH JANE: I don't know, but something tells me we should get out of here, too, quickly. Come on!

(Enter Luke and Rani.)

SARAH JANE: Luke?
LUKE: Mum?
CLYDE: What are you doing here?
RANI: What are we doing here? What are YOU doing here?
LUKE: You told me to stay with her.
RANI: Am I missing something?
CLYDE: Yeah, and keep her out of the action.
RANI: What action?

(Rani screams as a clown grabs her arm.)

CLYDE: What's happening?
RANI: They're moving!
LUKE: Something's animating the clowns.
SARAH JANE: Look out, all of you.
RANI: They're alive!
SARAH JANE: Run!

[Museum]

CLYDE: What happened to Spellman?
SARAH JANE: He's controlling them. I think they're like puppets, probably under some sort of telekinetic control.
RANI: Walking puppets? Telekinetic control?
LUKE: He's controlling them with his mind.
RANI: I know what it means, Luke. Who's Spellman?
LUKE: Probably an alien.

(More clowns come to cut them off from the entrance.)

SARAH JANE: Stand back.

(Sarah Jane zaps them, and sparks fly.)

RANI: What was that?
SARAH JANE: Sonic lipstick. Never leave home without it. I've seized up their joints. Should hold them up while we get out of here.

(They walk a gauntlet of twitching clowns.)

RANI: Aliens. Luke said aliens.
CLYDE: Actually, he said alien.
SARAH JANE: And it could still be around here somewhere. Come on. There's no time for explanations.
CLYDE: She's right. And from what I've seen, one alien can be as much trouble as a whole invasion. Come on.

[Museum entrance]

(Sarah Jane can't get the street doors open.)

SARAH JANE: He's sealed the doors.
LUKE: Telekinesis. The same way he animated the clown mannequins.
SARAH JANE: Whatever we're dealing with here, it is extremely powerful.
CLYDE: What did I tell you?
RANI: And it's got us trapped.
SARAH JANE: No, Rani. It just thinks it has.
SPELLMAN: Oh no, Miss Smith. I'm convinced of it.
RANI: Are you really an alien?
SARAH JANE: Stay back, Rani. Leave this to me. Who are you? And what do you want?
SPELLMAN: Who am I?

(He transforms from Ring Master into - )

PIPER: I am the Pied Piper, who conjured away a whole town's infants, and has chilled the hearts of parents for more than seven centuries.

(Another change.)

ODD BOB: And now I am Odd Bob the Clown, who snatches children in the heartbeat their mother's back is turned. I am the thing that lives in the darkest corners. I am all these things and more. I am all that you fear the most. And you are mine to feed on!

Part Two

[Museum entrance]

ODD BOB: Fear me! You are mine!
SARAH JANE: Don't let him touch you!

(Sarah Jane grabs the CO2 fire extinguisher and fires it at Spellman.)

ODD BOB: Oh, sweet, sweet fear.

(And lunges for Rani.)

CLYDE: Luke, give me a hand.

(The two boys put their shoulders to the main doors.)

RANI: Why are you coming after me?
ODD BOB: You have a ticket. You are mine.
SARAH JANE: Get away from her! I'm not scared of you.
ODD BOB: But you are scared of me, Sarah Jane Smith. Of all the things you have seen, of all the things out of the dark you have fought, it's me that lives in your nightmares. The painted face of a clown.
LUKE: Mum!

(Rani's phone rings.)

CLYDE: Quick, we're out. Come on.
SARAH JANE: Run!
RANI: He's frozen!

[Road]

(They run back to Sarah Jane's car.)

SARAH JANE: The phone's electromagnetic wave must have temporarily interfered with Spellman's energies. They must have a similar frequency. But it won't last.
RANI: Isn't somebody going to tell me what's going on?
SARAH JANE: There is a time and a place for an interview, and being chased by a clown from outer space is most definitely not it!
LUKE: Rani!
CLYDE: Just get in the car.

(She does. As they drive past the museum, we hear Odd Bob laughing.)

[Outside Sarah Jane's home]

CLYDE: Okay, annoying ring tones have their uses. I think we've all learnt that today. But they're still annoying.
RANI: It's my mum. What do I tell her?
SARAH JANE: That you're on the way home.
RANI: What, you expect me to go just home like that?
LUKE: Mum, I think you have to tell her everything.
SARAH JANE: No. I told you. Both of you.
CLYDE: Please, Sarah Jane. That phone is doing my head in!

(Sarah Jane takes Rani's ringing phone and turns it off.)

SARAH JANE: I'm going to offer you a choice, Rani. Cross over the road, go back to your parents and the life you lived before you moved here, and nothing will have changed. Or you can come with me. If you do that, nothing will ever be the same again.
RANI: I want to know the truth.
SARAH JANE: Then tell your mum I'm giving you a little work experience.

[Entrance hall]

SARAH JANE: This way.
RANI: This place is huge.
CLYDE: You ain't seen nothin' yet.

(They go up the stairs. Luke pauses to look at the group photo with Maria.)

[Attic]

CLYDE: And this is where it gets interesting.
RANI: How cool is this. This is where you work?
SARAH JANE: That's right.
RANI: What's this?
SARAH JANE: That's a distress beacon from a Silithean scout ship. Careful. You'll have an inter-galactic rescue team landing on the corner of Bannerman Road.
RANI: I thought you were a journalist?
SARAH JANE: I am.
RANI: Not with alien gizmos in her attic, who doesn't bat an eyelid at a shape-changing alien clown Pied Piper thing?
SARAH JANE: That's more of a hobby.
RANI: Okay. Any second now, my alarm will go off and it's my second day at Park Vale. A new school with your dad as Head Teacher? Anyone would have nutty dreams.
SARAH JANE: All right, Rani, this is what we do, Luke, Clyde and me. When aliens come to Earth, and they do, all the time, if they're friendly and they need help, we're here to give it.
CLYDE: On the other hand, if they're looking for trouble, we give them that too.
SARAH JANE: Yeah, well, I wouldn't put it quite like that.
LUKE: Yeah, but we have saved the world twelve times now.
RANI: For real?
SARAH JANE: No one is keeping score.
CLYDE: Except Luke.
SARAH JANE: What's important are the rules. We look after each other. We respect all life, whatever planet it's from, and we tell no one what we do. Do you understand? No one.
RANI: Yes, I understand.
SARAH JANE: Mister Smith, I need you.
RANI: What's happening?
CLYDE: Don't worry, it's only Mister Smith.
MR SMITH: Yes, Sarah Jane. How can I help you?
RANI: It's a computer. A talking computer. You've got a talking computer in your wall!
LUKE: Actually, he's a Xylok. A crystalline life form, just about the smartest in the Galaxy. But computer's close enough. Super computer.
SARAH JANE: Mister Smith, I want you to tell me everything you know about the Pied Piper and a clown called Odd Bob.
MR SMITH: And this has to do with the children who have gone missing? Across America in the period 1932 to 1940 there were disappearances of children connected to a travelling clown known as Odd Bob.
SARAH JANE: So many.
RANI: What about the Pied Piper?
MR SMITH: I'm sorry, I don't think we've been introduced.
SARAH JANE: This is Rani. She's just visiting. What about the Pied Piper?
MR SMITH: A legendary figure who in 1284 rid the German town of Hamelin of rats by means of a magical tune. When the town refused to pay his fee, he enchanted away all its children.
SARAH JANE: Could there be any truth in the story?
MR SMITH: It's a matter of historical fact that Hamelin lost its children.
RANI: Whoa. You mean it's true?
SARAH JANE: I want you to scan this, Mister Smith.

(One of the tickets.)

MR SMITH: I'm detecting traces of an alien energy.
LUKE: What sort of energy?
MR SMITH: I can find no comparable data for analysis.
CLYDE: So this is something from way off?
SARAH JANE: Mister Smith, show me the extra-terrestrial records for Lower Saxony in the thirteenth Century.
LUKE: What's that, in the Weserbergand mountains?
MR SMITH: A meteorite fragment which landed in 1283.
RANI: The year before the Piper arrived. Yes! The Piper was in the meteor. Result!
MR SMITH: The meteorite had a diameter of thirty point one two centimetres. An unlikely spacecraft, Rani.
SARAH JANE: Still, what do we know about it?
MR SMITH: The meteorite is on loan for scientific research from the University of Munich to the UK.
CLYDE: You mean it's here?
LUKE: And he came with it.
MR SMITH: Perhaps f I were able to analyse a fragment, I could provide some information on the energy sample.
SARAH JANE: Of course. Where is it?
MR SMITH: The Pharos Institute.

[Bannerman Road]

RANI: So, are you going to get this meteorite for Mister Smith?
SARAH JANE: I'm going to try. It might be the key to stopping Spellman. I have a contact at the Pharos Institute. I think they'll help me.
RANI: I'd like to help you, Sarah Jane.
SARAH JANE: Rani, the last thing I wanted was for you to get involved in all of this, in what I do. Up there, among the stars, there are fantastic civilizations. Life forms beyond our imagination. But there are those are dangerous, that for whatever reason mean us harm. I stop them. It's what I do. I've done it for so long. But if I could turn back time, neither Luke nor Clyde wouldn't be involved. I don't know if I'll always be able to protect them.
RANI: You don't need another kid to worry about, is that it?
SARAH JANE: Yes, it is.
RANI: But I'm already involved. Odd Bob is after me and every other kid that has one of those tickets.
SARAH JANE: This is a Vorgatt defence field emitter. Turn it on, place it in the middle of your room. It'll throw up a force field that will stop anything getting in to harm you. Beyond that, make sure that you are never alone.
RANI: Is that it?
SARAH JANE: And I promise you, Rani, I will stop Spellman.
RANI: Even if you do, you can't expect me to live across the road and forget about all of this.
SARAH JANE: No, but I expect you to keep it a secret and never tell anyone.
RANI: Not even Mum and Dad?
SARAH JANE: Do you think they'd believe you?
RANI: No.
SARAH JANE: Goodnight, Rani.
RANI: It's incredible, isn't it. The universe, aliens and everything. I mean, it's scary, but it's all real. That's amazing.
SARAH JANE: Yes, Rani. Yes, it is.

[Lounge]

(Sarah Jane is scrolling through photographs of famous modern clowns on her laptop. Luke come in wearing pajamas and dressing gown.)

LUKE: Why do they scare you?
SARAH JANE: Oh. Luke.
LUKE: Odd Bob, he scared you. I've never seen that before.
SARAH JANE: When my Aunt Lavinia was bringing me up, my room was full of lots of old toys that used to be hers. One of them was a marionette. A puppet clown. I never liked it. It always seemed to be watching me. Then one night, there was the most tremendous thunder storm.

(She remembers the puppet is jerking around in the flashing light.)

SARAH JANE: I screamed the house down.
LUKE: What happened?
SARAH JANE: Aunt Lavinia told me not to be so silly. It was a puppet. It was a trick of the light in the storm. Perhaps it was. But it was the first time I'd ever cried out for my parents. You see, I never really knew them. I was a baby when they died.

[Rani's bedroom]

GITA: Rise and shine. Morning!

(Gita walks into the forcefield and steps back, stunned. Rani leaps out of bed and turns it off.)

RANI: Mum! Mum, are you all right?
GITA: Oh, I don't know.
RANI: Is it one of your migraines coming on?
GITA: I suppose. It aches like I walked into a brick wall. It feels like I did, too.
RANI: Maybe you've been over-doing it.
GITA: Yeah. Yeah, I suppose. There's your tea. Hurry up, your breakfast is on.
(Gita leaves the room. Rani draws her curtains and sees a red balloon fastened to a bush outside.

[Pharos Institute]

(While she is waiting at reception, Sarah Jane thinks she sees Odd Bob again.)

CELESTE: Miss Smith. So good to see you again.
SARAH JANE: Professor Rivers.
CELESTE: Do come this way. Of course, we owe you a great debt of gratitude over that business with Nathan Goss. I mean, if anything had appeared in the media, it would have been the end of the Institute.
SARAH JANE: I may be a journalist, Professor Rivers, but there are some things it's best the public don't know.
CELESTE: Oh, thank you, Miss Smith. But your interest in the Weserbergland meteorite. It's not dangerous, is it?
SARAH JANE: On the contrary. I hope it can help end something that is.
CELESTE: Ah, thank you.

[Laboratory]

CELESTE: We think it came from deep, deep space. But the samples we've seen from Mars offer far more evidence of extra-terrestrial life. But you won't take much, will you? This is highly irregular. Normally, I would never allow it, but
SARAH JANE: You'll hardly notice the difference.
CELESTE: Well, I think it's best if I wasn't here.
SARAH JANE: If you wish.

(Celeste leaves. Sarah Jane uses her sonic screwdriver to remove a protruding nodule from the massive meteorite.)

SPELLMAN: What are you doing, Miss Smith?

(He is in his Ring master's outfit.)

SPELLMAN: I didn't want to frighten you.

(Then he changes into the clown.)

SARAH JANE: I'm going to find out what you are, Odd Bob. We're only scared of what we don't understand. When we know where you come from, what you really are, I will stop you.
ODD BOB: Suppose there isn't anything to be understood? Suppose I am beyond understanding? Suppose as the thunder crashed and the lightning flashed, your aunt's clown really did come to life?
SARAH JANE: How could you know about that? It was a trick of the light.

(The Ring master is back.)

SPELLMAN: Then why are you still so scared?
SARAH JANE: I know what you're trying to do. You need people to be frightened of you. That's why you take the children. That's the thing that scares us most, the thing that it's almost impossible to understand.
SPELLMAN: And today, just for you, Miss Smith, I will chill the blood of a nation. A thousand families will ache with loss and millions will shudder, sleepless with a bone-gnawing fear.
SARAH JANE: What are you going to do?
CELESTE: Are you finished, Miss Smith?

[Playground]

(Red balloons are floating above the buildings.)

RANI: I can't believe we're still at school with that alien still out there.
CLYDE: Welcome to our world. We're the fearless alien hunters, defenders of Earth, but everything stops for the school bell. Tell me about it.
RANI: So was Maria one of you, then? A fearless alien hunter.
LUKE: Yes.
RANI: And that's what you meant when you said we couldn't be friends in the same way.

(She hears the clown's laugh, and sees children grabbing red balloons.)

RANI: He's here. The balloons. It's Odd Bob. He's here.
CLYDE: What's going on?

(When the children take hold of the balloon strings, their faces go blank.)

LUKE: It's as if the balloons are taking controlling of them.

(All the school children walk out of the playground.)

CLYDE: Okay, this does not feel good.

[School]

(Haresh looks out of his office window then goes running down a corridor. He meets a teacher.)

HARESH: Where are the kids?

[Outside the school]

RANI: He's leading them away, like the Pied Piper. Come on!

[Attic]

MR SMITH: The meteorite originated in the Jeggorabax cluster.
SARAH JANE: I've never heard of it.
MR SMITH: It is a dark nebula on the cusp of the Bezita Boudax system.
SARAH JANE: What about energy traces?
MR SMITH: There is a residue matching the sample I analysed.
SARAH JANE: Go on.
MR SMITH: There are stories of entities in this region which are created by emotions such as fear.
SARAH JANE: And this energy came here in a meteor that fell near Hamelin where the people were terrified by a plague of rats. And this fear manifested as the Pied Piper.
MR SMITH: And once manifested. the entity required more fear for its survival.
SARAH JANE: It took the children to create fear. And it's been doing the same thing ever since.

(Her phone rings.)

[Street]

LUKE: Mum, I think you'd better get down here.
CLYDE: Hey, turn around. You don't know what you're doing!
RANI: You're in danger, all of you! Don't you understand?
CLYDE: Come on, stop, come back. Where are you going?
LUKE: I think they're headed for the Circus Museum.

[Attic]

SARAH JANE: This must be what he was talking about. He's going to make the whole school vanish. Luke, whatever you do, don't follow them into the museum. I'll be there as soon as I can. Mister Smith, I have a job for you.

[Street]

RANI: We tried to get them to turn back, but they won't listen.
CLYDE: It's like they're zombies.
SARAH JANE: I think Spellman is controlling them, much like he did with the clown mannequins.
LUKE: So what's he going to do with them? It's practically the whole school.
SARAH JANE: They'll vanish like the others, without a trace. It isn't interested the children he's really interested in, it's the fear their disappearance causes. Spellman is an energy entity that feeds on fear.

[Outside the museum]

SPELLMAN: Roll up, roll up! Welcome to Spellman's Magical Museum of the Circus. Just step this way.
SARAH JANE: I don't think so, Mister Spellman.
SPELLMAN: I don't think you have any say in the matter, Miss Smith.
SARAH JANE: Perhaps I should phone a friend?

[Attic]

MR SMITH: Connecting now.

[Outside the museum]

(The children all stop when their phones ring.)

SARAH JANE: Oh, it looks like his line's busy.
LUKE: It must be Mister Smith. He's scanned the school records and rung every pupil.

(The children let go of the red balloons.)

CLYDE: The phone signals are interfering with Spellman's power.
SPELLMAN: You meddle with me at your cost, Sarah Jane Smith.
SARAH JANE: I'm not scared of you, or Odd Bob.
SPELLMAN: You think you have conquered your fear, Miss Smith? I will show you fear.
CLYDE: Sounds like a bad loser to me.
RANI: Everyone's going back to school.
SARAH JANE: Luke? Luke?
CLYDE: He was right next to me.
RANI: Where's he gone?
SARAH JANE: Luke!
CLYDE: No. I'm not having this.
SARAH JANE: No, Clyde. You stay here. You, too, Rani. Luke is my son. I'm going after him on my own.
RANI: No way. We're coming to help you.
SARAH JANE: I'm not going to risk losing both of you as well. Stay here.

(Sarah Jane goes inside the museum and sonics the outside doors.)

CLYDE: She's locked us out!
RANI: So what are we going to do? She might need us.
CLYDE: We've got to find another way in. Come on.

[Museum]

(Sonic lipstick at the ready.)

SARAH JANE: Mister Spellman, where are you? I've come for my son!

[Hall of Mirrors]

LUKE: Help, help!
SARAH JANE: Luke!

(Luke seems to be trapped inside one of the distorting mirrors.)

LUKE: Help!
SARAH JANE: Luke!
LUKE: Help!
SARAH JANE: Spellman, Where are you?

(Odd Bob is also in the mirrors.)

SPELLMAN [OC]: Not scared of me, Miss Smith? Oh, I think you are.
SARAH JANE: If you've hurt my son, Spellman, if you've done anything to him, I will destroy you!
SPELLMAN [OC]: The fear of a mother for her young. The strongest fear of all.
SARAH JANE: You'd better believe it.

(She shatters a mirror with the sonic lipstick and walks through the door behind it.)

[Outside the museum]

(Round the side or back, with lots of scaffolding and a handy sash window.)

RANI: Give us a hand.
CLYDE: Maybe you should stay here. It's going to be dangerous in there.
RANI: Would Maria have stayed out here?
CLYDE: No.

(The window opens easily.)

[Museum]

SARAH JANE: Come on, Spellman, no more smoke and mirrors. If you're looking at getting fat on my fear, you're looking at a low cal lunch.

(Odd Bob pops out from behind a mannequin.)

ODD BOB: Tastes like fear to me.
SARAH JANE: What have you done with Luke?
ODD BOB: Oh, he's with the others.
SARAH JANE: The others?
ODD BOB: The boy in the stationery cupboard. The boy playing football. If you really want me to count them all, I would pull up a chair. It has been over seven hundred years, don't you know.
SARAH JANE: Where are they?
ODD BOB: Somewhere between this world and another. They are sleeping. I don't want to harm them. I don't need to.
SARAH JANE: All of them? They're fine?
ODD BOB: Well, after a while, they just fade away.
SARAH JANE: Bring them back now!
ODD BOB: Oh, I can't do that. Can you imagine a bogeyman that brings children back from Never Never Land? Who would be scared of me then? Boo. I would cease
SPELLMAN: To be.
SARAH JANE: And if you don't exist any more, all the harm you've done is reversed. The children you've taken will be returned, at least the ones taken from here. Luke.

(Rani and Clyde sneak in.)

SPELLMAN: But you cannot destroy me, Miss Smith. No one can destroy fear. It is part of you all. I am part of you all.
CLYDE: How do you fight fear? What can we do?
RANI: I'll tell you what you can do.
SPELLMAN: Now, if you are so concerned for your son, let me take you to join him. I'm sure your disappearance, in time, will give me much nourishment.
CLYDE: All right, Mister Spellman, listen to this. Two aerials got married. You should've seen the reception.
SARAH JANE: Clyde!
SPELLMAN: Another child, another frightened mother. Yes, you have a ticket, Clyde Langer.
SARAH JANE: Keep away from him.
CLYDE: What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud. Police toilet stolen. The cops have nothing to go on. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. A magician was driving down the road and he turns, into his house.

(Sarah Jane starts giggling.)

SPELLMAN: What is this?
CLYDE: Come on, folks, how about a bit of audience participation? What's invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit farts. Thank you, thank you.
RANI: Where would you find a one-legged dog? Where you left him.
CLYDE: Hey, what's this? She's nicking my material.
SPELLMAN: Stop this. Stop it now.
SARAH JANE: What's wrong, Mister Spellman? Does the sound of laughter upset you? Does it frighten you?
SPELLMAN: You will fear me!

(For a moment Spellman is both the ring master and Odd Bob.)

RANI: He's getting weaker.
CLYDE: Two fish in a tank. One says to the other, do you know how to drive this?
An Optician tells a guy he's colour blind. Well, that's a bolt out of the green. How did Count Dracula escape from Transylvania? He used a blood vessel. Ha, ha!
SARAH JANE: What's wrong, Mister Spellman? Not game for a laugh?
SPELLMAN: People have shuddered with fear in my shadow for over seven hundred years.
SARAH JANE: And now they're rocking with laughter. I think that's a real kick in the ego.
RANI: Sarah Jane, your pocket.
CLYDE: I went to the dentist. He said, say ah. I said, why? He said, my dog's dead.

(The piece of meteorite is glowing.)

SARAH JANE: Of course. That's it.
SPELLMAN: You think you can destroy me with these pathetic jokes?
CLYDE: No, this is classic material.
SARAH JANE: I'm not going to destroy you, Mister Spellman. I'm just going to put you back where you belong. Where you don't need anyone's fear to survive.
SPELLMAN: No!

(She holds out the meteorite.)

SARAH JANE: This is where you belong. The meteor that brought you to Earth. You've always been attached to it, but you were strong enough to resist its pull. But not any more. The nightmare is over.

(Spellman / Odd Bob dissolves into light and streams into the piece of rock, which then goes dark.)

CLYDE: Thank you! The joker in the pack. Every alien busting team should have one.
SARAH JANE: That was good thinking, Clyde.
CLYDE: Well, it was Rani's idea.
RANI: Yeah, but I told him to be funny.
LUKE: Mum!
SARAH JANE: Oh, Luke! Luke! Luke, you're all right.
LUKE: What happened? Where's Spellman?
SARAH JANE: I imagine you could say he's finally paid the Piper.

[Attic]

MR SMITH: The children taken in recent weeks have all been found safe and well. They have no memory of what happened to them, but were clearly released when the energy entity was returned to the meteor fragment.

(Sarah Jane uses tweezers to put the fragment into a metal box.)

SARAH JANE: And that is going in here. Halkonite steel. Nothing can get through it. Not even thoughts.

[Outside Sarah Jane's home]

RANI: So what happens now? Do you trust me to keep all this secret?
SARAH JANE: When it comes to getting a true glimpse of the universe, there are two types of people. Those who refuse to believe, that would tell themselves anything to deny the evidence of their eyes, and those that embrace the universe and just how special life is, and want it to stay that way by keeping it safe and secret.
RANI: And that's me?
SARAH JANE: That's all of us.
HARESH: Rani, where do you think you've been? I thought you would have had more sense than to get involved in this walk out.
SARAH JANE: A walk out?
HARESH: A stupid prank. The whole school went walkabout then wanders back claiming not to have known what they'd been doing. Obviously some bright spark thought it'd be a good way of winding up the new Head Teacher.
CLYDE: Yeah, of course, because I'm the joker in the pack, aren't I?
RANI: We had free periods this afternoon. We've been at the library in town researching for a project. Clyde, Luke and me. See?
GITA: That's why she wasn't answering her phone.
SARAH JANE: I was at the library myself and brought them home.
CLYDE: I thought I'd take your advice, sir, and try applying my brain to something other than being funny.
GITA: Oh, by the way, I saw it on the news. All those kids turned up like nothing ever happened. Very happy ever after, but I can't help thinking weird.
RANI: Not weird, Mum. Surprising. The universe is a surprising place.
GITA: Anyway, Haresh is making veggie chilli for tea. You're all welcome to share.
SARAH JANE: Oh, I'd love to, but I really have to get on with work. But Luke.
LUKE: Yeah, please.
GITA: Come on. Haresh is always cooking far too much food. He's got this thing about Dawn French. His mother always said I was far too skinny.

(Gita and Luke walk off arm in arm, with Rani and Haresh.)

CLYDE: Look at me, with my new Head Teacher cooking me tea. The universe really is a surprising place.
SARAH JANE: Yes, it really is.

Transcript originally provided by Chrissie. Adapted by TARDIS.guide. The transcripts are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.