Rogue

[1813, Bath, England - formal gardens at night]

GALPIN: Lord Barton, you are a rake, a cad! You have dishonoured my sister!
BARTON: Lord Galpin, remind me, to which dishonouring are you referring? The one in the kitchen? In your study? In the stables?
GALPIN: You will marry her, sir!
BARTON: I will do no such thing. Now, I am awfully bored of your shouting. If you wish to challenge me to a duel then, please, sir, do. Then I can shoot you dead.

(Galpin cracks his neck.)

GALPIN: Wow. You really are wonderfully bad, aren't you?
BARTON: I beg your pardon?
GALPIN: You gamble, have affairs, you're an absolute snake. Meanwhile, I'm all noble and serious. Look at me. I'm so dull I'd rather be you.

(Galpin grabs Barton and lifts him off his feet.)

BARTON: Unhand me! What are you...? That's impossible! No!

(Flashes of blue energy, screams. A dessicated corpse falls.)

GALPIN/BARTON:Now I get to be the bad one.

[Ballroom]

(A stately dance is being performed to the music of a string quartet. Amongst the dancers are the Doctor and Ruby.)

RUBY: Oh, my Bridgerton! This is my actual dream!

(A series of books by Julia Quinn, and an American Netflix series.)

DOCTOR: It's brilliant, isn't it? And the dances! Oh, Ruby, the dances!
RUBY: But I can't dance, not like this! How do I know these moves?
DOCTOR: Psychic earrings. Choreography beamed into your motor system. Tap twice to choose your moves. It's like instant Strictly. Just don't set them to battle mode.
RUBY: Right.
DUCHESS: Marvellous.
DOCTOR: Oh.
DUCHESS: Well, I thought I knew everyone at my ball, but it appears not. What a delight.
DOCTOR: Wonderful party, your Grace.
DUCHESS: Some are saying best of the season. A triumph. A new standard set. And I, of course, could not comment. But I think the real estimation of an evening is in the matches made. Don't you agree, Miss...?
RUBY: Er, Ruby. Lady Ruby... Sunday, of the... Notting Hill Estate. This is the Doctor.
DUCHESS: Oh, my dear, you aren't unwell?
RUBY: Oh, no, no, no, no. He's just a friend.
DUCHESS: Oh. Good. Well, a young lady needs suitors, not friends. Come.
RUBY: Oh, she's so posh, I love her. Ow. Ah. Ah. Ah. I'm getting feedback.
DOCTOR: From the earrings? Interesting. Sonar interference.
DUCHESS: Lady Ruby. Attend.
DOCTOR: I'll handle this. Just try and not get engaged or accidentally invent tarmac. 1902 got away from me. Okay, go. Go, go. Enjoy.

(The Doctor uses the sonic as sonar to find the direction of interference. A man leaning on a balcony rail.)

DUCHESS: My dear, stand tall, eyes bright. Lord Barton approaches.
RUBY: Oh, that's a tall glass of heartbreak. Ah...
BARTON: Your Grace, where have you been hiding this absolute delight, with hair like golden strands, spun in the rays of the evening sun?
RUBY: Oh, you're not a tall glass at all. You're half a pint of shandy.
BARTON: My dear, you should learn to be admired in silence.
RUBY: Yeah, well, if you spoke to me and the girls like that on a Friday night down at the Spinning Wheel, then we'd rip you a new one, mate. Now, get out of my way, Lord Stilton.
BARTON: Stilton?
DUCHESS: It's a very difficult cheese.

('Barton' turns his head quickly, and his neck cracks. Ruby sees a familiar face in a portrait on the wall. Susan Twist.)

RUBY: Oh, er, your Grace, who is that?
DUCHESS: The Duke's late mother. Her eyes still follow me about the room. Constant judgment. But, my dear, the way you spoke to Lord Barton. You were rather splendid. Is it always like that in the North?
RUBY: Oh, well, fellas like that are ten a penny. Oh, he's moved on. Who's he with now?
DUCHESS: Miss Emily Beckett. She's bookish and vapid, I fear, but good teeth. Oh, by the saints. Lady Wallace, no, no, no. Wait here, dear. Excuse me. Oh, no, not now, Lord Alker.

(Ruby watches Miss Beckett storm out, followed by Lord Barton. She follows. Up on the balcony, the Doctor is standing next to a man.)

DOCTOR: Brooding. Good look. Do you practise in a mirror? Bit more frown, maybe. Yeah? Like this. Yeah? Like this. Really. Really, like this.
ROGUE: I didn't know the Duchess employs a court jester.
DOCTOR: Well, I'm hilarious. And... you're kind of funny peculiar, standing here. Good vantage point, keeping an eye out on the exits. Like you're expecting trouble.
ROGUE: Are you?
DOCTOR: Honey, I'm here for fun.
ROGUE: Then go and pursue your facile pleasures and leave me alone.
DOCTOR: Okay. Rude. Lord...?
ROGUE: Not a lord.
DOCTOR: Does not a lord have a name?
ROGUE: Rogue.
DOCTOR: Nice to meet you. I'm the Doctor.
ROGUE: Just the Doctor?
DOCTOR: Just Rogue?
ROGUE: I think you and I should go outside.
DOCTOR: Fast mover. Okay.

[Formal gardens]

DUCHESS: Lady Wallace?
WALLACE: (to her companion) ..yes, I think so...
DUCHESS: Lady Wallace, how brave of you to wear that gown this evening, after I wore it so beautifully last season.
WALLACE: Oh.
WOMAN: So rude of her.
DUCHESS: What on Earth are you doing here? My housekeeper? Outside, where you can be seen? You disgrace me.
HOUSEKEEPER: I made a stupid mistake choosing to be staff. It's all work. Cooking, cleaning, mopping up. While you lot are out here, having a right old shindig.
DUCHESS: I'll have you sacked, woman. You'll not sour my evening. People look to me as an arbiter of taste.
HOUSEKEEPER: What, in that dress?
DUCHESS: I beg your pardon? How dare you!

(The Housekeeper lifts the Duchess off her feet.)

HOUSEKEEPER: Maybe it will look better on me.

(Blue light, screams.)

[Library]

BARTON: Emily, please. I beg of you.
EMILY: But you consume me, sir. I think about you my every waking hour, and I hate myself for it.
BARTON: And what would you have me do? I rely on the favour of my aunt. She would never approve of this match. I would be destitute.
EMILY: But you'd have me, to love.
BARTON: Ah. I will not marry you. Not now. Not ever.
EMILY: Then go. You stole my heart, now leave me my reputation.
BARTON: And yet... you tempt me still.

(They embrace, Ruby knocks over some books.)

RUBY: Shh....
BARTON: Er... I should not be here. Good evening.

(He leaves.)

RUBY: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to er... interrupt. Are you okay?
EMILY: I'm ruined.
RUBY: Oh. What do you mean, ruined?
EMILY: A couple caught alone is a scandal. If the man refuses to marry the lady, she will no longer be acceptable to polite society.
RUBY: Oh, this is so Bridgerton.

[Gardens]

DOCTOR: I love these old skies. Ripe with constellations being found and named. The Bear, the Ram. All chosen by the astronomer de Lacaille. Great with stars, bad with names. He called one star system Norma.
ROGUE: Do you never stop chattering?
DOCTOR: Okay, Rogue. You're tall, you're handsome, you're arrogant, and you look great in that jacket... so there's one thing I have to ask. Is that a shoe? No one walks away from a situation with one less shoe. You'd notice.
ROGUE: I suggest look for the other shoe.
DOCTOR: Over there. A shoe and a leg. Oh, no. Oh, man. Oh. (scans with sonic) This is the Duchess. This is the Duchess's clothes. I am sorry. This is no way to die. And you knew. You didn't even flinch.
ROGUE: Because it's obvious. This is a murder far beyond the technology of Planet Earth. It could only be done by someone brilliant.
DOCTOR: And monstrous.
ROGUE: And ruthless.
DOCTOR: Contemptible.
BOTH: You. You. No, you.
DOCTOR: Excuse me, I think...

(Rogue produces a ray gun.)

ROGUE: You.

[Library]

RUBY: If you ask me, he's an idiot. Honestly, my mate Bex, she'd tie him to a lamppost in his pants.
EMILY: The funny things you say. But his station in life is too tenuous. He must find a good match, and I have no dowry to speak of.
RUBY: Oh, pff, you know what? He sounds like he's choosing his cushy lifestyle over love.
EMILY: Cushy?
RUBY: Er... comfortable, like a... cushion.
EMILY: Cushy. I like it.
RUBY: Yeah, okay, maybe don't use it a lot.
EMILY: Yeah, okay. Okay. Okay.
RUBY: Ah.
EMILY: Your words amuse me. It's such a pleasure to meet you, Miss...?
RUBY: Oh, Ruby.
EMILY: And I'm Miss Emily Beckett. But most people here would delight in the gossip, not offer me comfort.
RUBY: Well, nah. You know what my mum says? If it's not your life, why are you telling it? She's annoyingly smart. Right. You know how I forget about a man? I go dancing.

[Gardens]

(Being marched across the lawn at gunpoint.)

DOCTOR: You know, this is not a good look for you in any century.
ROGUE: Keep moving.
DOCTOR: So who do you think I am?
ROGUE: I know you're a Chuldur.
DOCTOR: The shapeshifters. Ha. I mean, I've heard of them. I've never met one. Unless I have.
ROGUE: Drop the act, Doc. There's a Chuldur at work on this planet and I've been paid good money to find you.
DOCTOR: Okay, firstly, Doc? No, thank you, sir. Please. Secondly, you are a bounty hunter? That is so... cool. Catching monsters, getting into scrapes. Meeting handsome strangers.
ROGUE: I'm here for the money, nothing more.
DOCTOR: So where are you taking me?
ROGUE: My ship.
DOCTOR: Ha. Where do you hide a spaceship in 1813?
ROGUE: It's cloaked, past that shed.
DOCTOR: Shed? That's my ship.
ROGUE: You travel in a shed?
DOCTOR: Love the shed.
ROGUE: Why isn't it cloaked?
DOCTOR: It's behind a tree.

(Rogue uncloaks his spaceship.)

ROGUE: Now that's a ship.

[Ballroom]

(Ruby and Emily are dancing.)

BARTON: A wonderful party, your Grace.
DUCHESS: Thank you. Nice costume. Tight fit.
BARTON: Oh, you're the Duchess. Oh, of course, I should have scented you. I wanted to be her next.
DUCHESS: Too slow, love. Although I was hoping someone here would be royal. Nevertheless, I have picked my outfit for the wedding.
BARTON: Oh, really? Who?
DUCHESS: Lady Ruby Sunday. She just seems so different.

[Spaceship]

DOCTOR: So... this place is... a mess. Ha. Rogue, honey, you need company.
ROGUE: I live alone.
DOCTOR: Baby, I can see. But was that always the case?
ROGUE: Why do you ask?
DOCTOR: This is an old asteroid hopper. Piloted by two.
ROGUE: Not any more. Stand there.
DOCTOR: What do those things do?
ROGUE: It's a trap. Triform on.
COMPUTER: Triform activated.

(The Doctor is stuck in the middle of a red glowing triangle.)

DOCTOR: Oh, I see. My name's bond, molecular bond.
ROGUE: It works as a transport gate, it just needs time to charge up.
DOCTOR: Transport to where?
ROGUE: The incinerator.
DOCTOR: It's a death sentence?
ROGUE: You're a killer.
DOCTOR: Oh well, how about... Triform off. Triform off.
ROGUE: It's deadlocked. Can't turn it off until it's charged, and once it's charged... I press send.
DOCTOR: Yeah? Well, my gadget can do more things than your gadget.
ROGUE: You're not scaring me. The ship would've registered that as a dangerous device. Instead, it says... screwdriver.
DOCTOR: Yes.
ROGUE: Which is convenient because I've been wanting some new shelves over there.
DOCTOR: Oh, ha-ha. No. But it does do all sorts of things.

(Uses it as a magnifier, spots a set of dice.)

DOCTOR: Ah ha. Did you get your name from Dungeons and Dragons?
ROGUE: Roll for Insight.
DOCTOR: Oh, I'm sorry, was that a wee smile from the most serious man in history? And it says that you're wired for sound.

(Sonicks the ship into playing 'Can't Get You Out Of My Head' by Kylie Minogue.)

DOCTOR: Now, this is a surprise. Oh, I love this. Classic.

(Rogue turns the music off, Doctor turns it on. It won't switch off. Rogue tries another control.)

DOCTOR: Mmm mmm.

(Rogue pulls the plug on the speakers.)

DOCTOR: Aww. (music starts up again) I'm just standing still, baby.
ROGUE: Give me... Give me that device.
DOCTOR: (miming) Boy, your lovin' is all I think about...
ROGUE: Now.

(Music off.)

ROGUE: Have your fun, Doctor. You've got very little time left.
DOCTOR: Wha...? Rogue, I am telling you, you've got the wrong man, okay? And I can prove it. This authenticates me as non-Chuldur.

(Psychic paper.)

ROGUE: It says you're hot.
DOCTOR: Does it? I'm sorr... No, it's broken.
ROGUE: Is it you're hot, or I'm hot?
DOCTOR: No, it is just that it's...
ROGUE: Who's hot, Doctor?
DOCTOR: It means the temperature.
ROGUE: It suits you, flustered. It's a good look. You should try it more often.
DOCTOR: Says the man about to kill me.
ROGUE: Got to do my job. But just for the paperwork... This job has so much paperwork ever since we got that new boss.
COMPUTER: Scanning.
ROGUE: Ah. Deep scanner confirmed. Shapeshifter.
COMPUTER: Transport gate charging. Press send in ten vexils.
ROGUE: I'm just so trigger-happy.
DOCTOR: How long does a vexil last?
COMPUTER: Nine.
DOCTOR: Oh, that long.
ROGUE: Nice knowing you, Doc.
COMPUTER: Eight.
DOCTOR: Rogue, I'm telling you, you've got the wrong man.
COMPUTER: Seven.
DOCTOR: If you kill me, you'll leave a Chuldur out there on 19th-century Earth. Think of all of the innocent people that will die!
COMPUTER: Five.
DOCTOR: And if I've only got five vexils...
COMPUTER: Four.
DOCTOR: ..then I beg of you. Look.

(Throws the psychic paper to hit a control.)

COMPUTER: Three. Scanning.

(Up comes the 10th Doctor's face as a hologram.)

COMPUTER: Two. One. Press send. Press send.

(More faces. 13th, 1st, Shalka Doctor, 4th, War, 12th, 9th, 11th, Fugitive, 14th, 3rd, 6th, 5th, 8th, 2nd, 7th.)

DOCTOR: I'm not a Chuldur. I'm something much older and far more powerful. I'm a Lord of Time from the lost and fallen planet of Gallifrey. Now, let me go, bounty hunter. We have work to do.
ROGUE: Wow.

[Upper corridor]

EMILY: We can't keep hiding.
RUBY: Oh, we can. They all want to find you a husband downstairs, but you can do whatever you want.
EMILY: Oh, you are revolutionary.
RUBY: No, I mean it. You can do whatever you like, without Lord... Barton. Come on. What do you want to do with your life?
EMILY: I'll marry someone lesser. And smaller. There may not be love, but perhaps a kindly smile at dinner. And then a shared grave.
RUBY: Ah. Right. So you mean till... death.
EMILY: What choice do I have?
RUBY: Oh, so much more, Emily. Oh, let me tell you, this life may seem small, but there are horizons out there, and adventures, and mountains to be climbed.
EMILY: Oh!

(A wizened body is lying on the floor.)

RUBY: Who is that?

(The original Housekeeper.)

[Gardens]

(Rogue cloaks his ship again.)

DOCTOR: You ready for this?
ROGUE: It's not my first shed.

(He goes inside the TARDIS.)

ROGUE [OC]: Oh, my God!
DOCTOR: (sings) Come with me, and you'll be, in a world of pure imagination.

[TARDIS]

DOCTOR: (sings) Take a look and you'll see, into your imagination.
ROGUE: I'm in love. With this machine.
DOCTOR: Mmm hmm.
ROGUE: Dimensionally transcendental. And so clean.
DOCTOR: Yes. The things that you don't recognise are called surfaces. Ha. Oh man, you make me sound so boring.
ROGUE: What was that?
DOCTOR: Nothing. Indigestion. She gets upset by bounty hunters. It's the moral void. No offence.
ROGUE: And this, from the ancient and fallen world of Gallifrey? Where the hell is that?
DOCTOR: Well, I might take you one day. All right. In a few minutes, it will no longer be a deathtrap. You are welcome.
ROGUE: Why, what does it do now?
DOCTOR: Well, whatever the Chuldur has done, I can't let you kill it. I also can't let it kill others. So, instead, we will transport it to a random, barren dimension. No one to hurt, no way back.
ROGUE: Okay.
DOCTOR: Who did you lose?
ROGUE: What?
DOCTOR: You lost someone.
ROGUE: How do you know that?
DOCTOR: Because I know.
ROGUE: There was... Yeah. We travelled together. We had fun, y'know? And then a day came along, and at the end of that day... I lost them. What about you?
DOCTOR: I lost everyone.
ROGUE: At the party, I saw you with that woman.
DOCTOR: Mmm. My best friend.
ROGUE: Do you ever wonder... why keep going?
DOCTOR: Because we have to. We have to live each day because they can't. You don't have to stay a bounty hunter, Rogue. You could travel with me. Oh, the worlds I could show you, Rogue.
ROGUE: And what if I like what I do? Would you travel with me?
DOCTOR: That is quite an argument. I'll tell you what. When we both get out of this, let's argue across the stars.
ROGUE: I'd like that.

(The TARDIS interrupts their romantic moment.)

DOCTOR: The trap is ready. Now, let's get back to this party before anyone else dies.

[Ballroom]

RUBY: Doctor, there's a dead body upstairs, it's been drained.
DOCTOR: There's an alien shapeshifter killing people, disguised as the Duchess...
RUBY: Something killed her.
DOCTOR: Oh, you know.
ROGUE: Should we be telling humans?
DOCTOR: Ruby, 2024, Rogue, outer-space bounty hunter, nice lady...
EMILY: Emily.
DOCTOR: Emily, 1813. The Duchess, a shapeshifting Chuldur. Okay?
EMILY: I know the word okay.
RUBY: Okay. But what does anyone get out of killing these people? I mean, I know they're posh nobs and all that, but we found the housekeeper dead. I mean, why would anybody do that?
DOCTOR: The dance. The drama. The emotion. Oh, man, it's cosplay. All of this. The Chuldur is cosplaying. You said that a Chuldur comes to a planet and tries on people like outfits, all for the fun of it. Exactly like cosplay.
RUBY: Wait, so you mean it's literally dressing up and playing at Bridgerton?
DOCTOR: Could be. I mean, those TV signals beam out across the stars.
EMILY: What are these T-V signals?
DOCTOR: No time. We need to get the Duchess outside, on her own, and if there's one thing that attracts her, it's scandal. And outrage and plot twists. So, come on, Rogue. Shall we?
ROGUE: I don't see how us dancing will create a scene.
DOCTOR: Then you should have researched this era a little more, because we are scandalous.
ROGUE: So what is this ancient Earth tradition of cosplay?
DOCTOR: Oh, Rogue. It's when fans dress up as characters that they like. And in our Chuldur's case, it's Bridgerton.
MAN: Who is that?

(Rogue and the Doctor dance.)

DUCHESS: Quite the sight.
TALBOT: Oh my, ladies. This is shocking.

(The Doctor and Rogue are the last ones dancing.)

DOCTOR: We need to have a big fight so we can storm out and draw her to us.
ROGUE: The Chuldur cosplay, not me.
DOCTOR: This is the wrong time to be strong and silent and so... attractive. How dare you, my Lord!

(The music stops.)

DUCHESS: Oh, this is new.
DOCTOR: You would ask me to give up my title, my fortune? But what future can you promise me?
ROGUE: Er...
DOCTOR: You cad! Tell me what your heart wants, or I shall turn my back on you forever.
ROGUE: I...
DOCTOR: (sotto) Say anything.

(Rogue goes down on one knee and holds up a ring.)

DOCTOR: Sorry. I c... I ca...

(The Doctor leaves. A pause, then Rogue runs after him.)

DUCHESS: Oh, we must play them.
BARTON: Intercept. You go that way.

(Barton goes outside and changes into his true form. Emily and Ruby see it from the window.)

EMILY: What? By the Lord.
RUBY: Oh, it's him. It's not the Duchess.
EMILY: What is he? How can you even talk like this? Who are you?
RUBY: Whoa... Gah.

[Gardens]

ROGUE: Now, keep the Duchess talking. A Chuldur is strong, and if she starts to change you, it won't stop.
DOCTOR: Quick question. How many does this trap hold?
ROGUE: One.
DOCTOR: Because there's only one Chuldur, yeah?

(Four characters transform into bipeds with bird-like faces.)

ROGUE: It's a Chuldur family.
DUCHESS: I want to be the Doctor. Who wants to fight for the other one?
ROGUE: Run.
DOCTOR: I'm normally the one that says that....
TALBOT: I've found them.
DUCHESS: Gentlemen! We just want some fun. I would love to be the Doctor. Breaking spines, removing tonsils. Live vivisection. Now, find them! I want a new look.

(The four Chuldur split up to search.)

[Front of a building]

(The carriages are here, but not the horses.)

DUCHESS: Where are they? Any luck?
BARTON: The stables are empty.
DUCHESS: Back to the house. We must advance with the wedding. That should get them out of hiding.

(Hiding in the top of a carriage...)

DOCTOR: She said wedding.
ROGUE: But four of them. We've only got a trap for one. What do we do?
DUCHESS: When we start the action, these human beings will panic and scream. It'll ruin the authenticity of the evening.
TALBOT: Oh, but I like the panic and screaming bit.
BARTON: This is what we came for. The gossip, the romance, the scandal.
DUCHESS: We still have the big finale wedding to come. And then... London. We can play our games on a magnificent scale. Parliament first, then royalty. I can be King. And we can start wars with the French and the Spanish and the Portuguese, and everyone who doesn't look British.
BUTLER: And bloodshed.
DUCHESS: And cannons.
BARTON: Gunpowder.
DUCHESS: We're going to cosplay this planet to death.

(They go inside.)

DOCTOR: Thank you. A little bit of zizz...
ROGUE: Zizz?
DOCTOR: Technical term. I can make this transport gate carry four.
ROGUE: There might be others.
DOCTOR: Right. Er... six. Six maximum. The problem is, too much weight. This can now only work once. We've got one try at this, Rogue. Just one. We've got to get it right first time.

[Library]

RUBY: Oh, Emily. Emily, I'm sorry, I know it's hard, but trust me. There are scary things in the universe but the good things always outnumber 'em.
EMILY: How can you say these things? You with your T-V and your O-K.
RUBY: Er, okay. Look, the truth is... Nah, you've seen enough. I'm not from your world. I come from the future.
EMILY: You are... truly remarkable. And I thought I was interesting. A bookish little wallflower, risking it all for a secret love. But you... you are wild, and brave, and rude. Living a life of adventure, from times yet to come. Oh, Ruby Sunday...

(Transforms into a Chuldur.)

EMILY: ..I want to be you.

[Ballroom]

(The quartet play Eine Kliene Nachtmusik. The Doctor is watching, crouched on the balcony. The Chuldur enter as themselves.)

DUCHESS: Attention, s'il vous plait. Merci. Wilkommen und bienvenue. C'est moi! Oh, come now, loves, a party isn't a party without a costume change. And don't I look fabulous?

(A man faints.)

DUCHESS: Silence.
DOCTOR: Any sign of Ruby?
ROGUE: Not seen her. They've locked the doors. This is the endgame. Chuldur leave no witnesses.
DUCHESS: Darlings...
ROGUE: They'll slaughter everyone.
DUCHESS: ..now it is time for the season finale! And what could be better than... a wedding! And here they come. Bride and groom.

(Chuldur Barton enters with human Ruby.)

DUCHESS: How does it feel to be Lady Ruby?
RUBY: Mmm, delicious.
ROGUE: I'm sorry.
DOCTOR: They got her.
DUCHESS: She looks good on you.

[Servant's corridor]

CARLA [OC]: Doctor...? Doctor, look...

[Memory - kitchen]

CARLA: You know I can't stop her. And I wouldn't want to do that. And if anyone deserves to see it all, feel it all, it's Ruby. But I'm still her mum. I need to know she'll be okay. You'll keep her safe?
DOCTOR: I will keep her safe. I promise.

[Ballroom]

DUCHESS: Now, every wedding needs... a vicar. You. Step forward, sir.
PRICE: Madam. Your Grace. Your...Birdiness.
DUCHESS: Hmm?
PRICE: I cannot sanction wedlock... for creatures from hell.

(The Butler Chuldur takes his life.)

[Servant's corridor]

DOCTOR: How long do they live for?
ROGUE: Chuldur?
DOCTOR: Mmm.
ROGUE: They have a lifespan of 600 years.
DOCTOR: Good. Good. That's a long time to suffer.

[Ballroom]

CHULDUR: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the sight of the unholy, oh, whatever, etc, praise be, holibobs, to witness the marriage of Lord Barton to Miss Ruby...
DOCTOR: I object! Sorry, had we reached that bit yet? It's very hard to hear out here. I object to this... wedding and to all that you are, Chuldur.
DUCHESS: Taste his inhuman scent.
DOCTOR: Breathe it in deep, baby, because I am exuding, and I am one of a kind.
BARTON: He is quite unique.
TALBOT: He's something unknown. I want to be him. I want it, I want it.
DOCTOR: And I want you standing exactly there for this.
BARTON: One third of a transport gate?
TALBOT: One third of a trap.
DUCHESS: One third of a brain, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Of course. I need the other two pieces. I wonder where they are.

(On the floor behind them.)

DOCTOR: For the desecration of Ruby Sunday, you deserve only this. Triform on.
COMPUTER: Trap locked at five.
BARTON: How dare you, sir!

(The guests run away, screaming.)

DUCHESS: You will pay for this.
DOCTOR: But when? Because five passengers in a transport gate gives about... oh, about 80 vexils? So...
RUBY: Doctor, how long's a vexil?
DOCTOR: Don't pretend.
RUBY: No, I'm not. It's me, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Nice try.
RUBY: No. My mum's called Carla and my gran's called Cherry and it snowed when I was born and we met space babies, and I'm really, really sorry.
DOCTOR: But how?
RUBY: I cosplayed.

[Memory - library]

(Ruby taps her earring.)

RUBY: Battle mode.

(An elegant fight ends with Ruby smacking the Emily Chuldur in the face with a large book.)

[Ballroom]

RUBY: Doctor, I can't move.
EMILY: That's what she did to me.

(A flattened beak.)

EMILY: How could you mistake her for me?
BARTON: She has the scent of a Chuldur.
DUCHESS: Idiot. It's a false scent from that cheap psychic jewellery.
DOCTOR: Triform... Triform off. Triform off. Triform... off. Triform off!
COMPUTER: Transport gate charged. Press send.
DUCHESS: You won't press send. You're too soft and feeble to dispatch your little blonde friend. Emily, you have my full permission. Become the Doctor.

(Rogue runs in, throws Emily over his shoulder and dumps her into the triform.)

COMPUTER: Trap locked at six.
ROGUE: Doctor, press send. We've only got one chance.
DOCTOR: I can't.
DUCHESS: He's too much of a coward.
ROGUE: Press the button.
DOCTOR: It will send Ruby!
RUBY: No, Doctor, it's fine.
DOCTOR: No. No. No. No.
ROGUE: If you don't send, the Chuldur will escape and Ruby dies anyway.
COMPUTER: Transport gate charged.
RUBY: It's fine.
COMPUTER: Press send.
ROGUE: They'll kill us. Then this house. Then London. Then the world. You know that. You absolutely know it. So can you do it? Can you lose your friend to save the world?
DOCTOR: No.
ROGUE: I know.

(Rogue kisses the Doctor and takes the trigger off him. He pushes Ruby out of the triform and takes her place.)

COMPUTER: Matter exchange. Trap locked at six.

(Rogue throws the bride's bouquet to the Doctor.)

ROGUE: Find me.

(And presses send. They all fall through the floor.)

DOCTOR: You okay?

(The triform vanishes. The Doctor leaves the bouquet.)

[Outside a building]

(Sitting on steps.)

DOCTOR: Just sending his ship into orbit around the moon, so it can wait. As long as it takes.
RUBY: Can't we use the TARDIS and go find him?
DOCTOR: There are as many dimensions as there are atoms in the universe. Don't even know his real name.
RUBY: I'm sorry.
DOCTOR: Anyway. It is what it is, so onwards. Fine. Next. Off we go. Where shall we go? Anywhere.
RUBY: Doctor, you don't have to be like this.
DOCTOR: I have to be like this, 'cos this is what I'm like. Onwards. Upwards. New horizons. Moving on. It's fine.
RUBY: Okay, can you just shut up a second?

(She gives him a hug.)

DOCTOR: It's good to have you back, Ruby.
RUBY: And you, Doctor. Hmm.

(Ruby heads off to the TARDIS. The Doctor looks at the ring Rogue gave him, then puts it on.)

Transcript originally provided by Chrissie. Adapted by TARDIS.guide. The transcripts are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.

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