Real Time

This is part of a series of reviews of Doctor Who in chronological timeline order.

Previous Story: The Holy Terror

This review is of the webcast version which I'm aware is ever so slightly different to the audio version but I doubt it would do anything to change my opinion of this story.

I'll start by talking about the story itself, it's not particularly impressive and it drags quite a bit. I like the attempt at trying something new with the Cybermen, having a character come from an alternate timeline in which they achieved dominance over the universe but it's all a bit too convoluted for me to fully appreciate. It's also left on a cliffhanger at the end so it's clear that they wanted this to be continued. The Doctor and Evelyn are great as always but I found most of the supporting cast quite annoying.

The "animation" is actually fairly good considering this is a 2000s webcast for a niche audio series featuring one of the least liked (at the time) Doctors. I like the artstyle, specifically the design of the Cybermen. It's cool because it doesn't have the limitations that live-action would so the Cyberman design doesn't have to be an actual costume that somebody can wear. The settings looked a bit bland, but that's more down to where the story is set than anything on the animator's end (I doubt they wanted to focus too much on the setting anyway)

Overall, as a story it's mediocre but it's an interesting piece of Who history that every hardcore fan should check out at some point.

Next Story: The Sandman

Doctor Who – Bonus Releases

#001. Real Time ~ 5/10

◆ An Introduction

The Sixth Doctor and Evelyn are quite easily the most iconic team in BigFinish history, and many of their adventures are seen as absolute classics. There is one, however, which is relatively forgotten nowadays. It started out as a webcast on the now defunct BBCi service, before getting adapted into an audio outing.

I’ve been putting this review off for a while, so let’s get straight into the convoluted mess that is ‘Real Time’!

◆ Publisher’s Summary

On a planet known only as Chronos, two scientific survey teams have vanished. Inexplicably. Without warning. But with just one clue supplied – a single screamed word: "Cybermen!"

The University they worked for has called in the Earth security forces who despatch a third team, a mix of military and scientific might, under the auspices of a University Administrator. If that kind of volatile grouping isn't bad enough, three strangers have been added to the mix – a young human expert in Cybermen and a mysterious traveller in space and time, the Doctor, along with his companion, Dr Evelyn Smythe.

But can they solve the riddle of the vanished survey teams before the Cybermen harness Chronos' unique temporal gifts and rewrite the history of the galaxy?

◆ The Sixth Doctor

Whilst this adventure does have a fair few issues, the characterisation and acting for our regulars are not among them. Colin Baker puts on a great performance in ‘Real Time’.

The Doctor’s patchwork coat came from one of the most exclusive boutiques on Kolpasha, and not just anyone can shop there, you know! He hasn’t worn anything as formal as an Edwardian morning suit for years. His friends mean a great deal to him, but they’re still expendable when put against the fate of the universe.

◆ Dr. Evelyn Smythe

‘Real Time’ presents us with yet another amazing performance from Maggie Stables. Just a shame the actual story isn’t the best.

Evelyn doesn’t want the Doctor to switch back into his usual coat, because it would be so nice to go somewhere for once without everyone going blind or feeling nauseous just looking at him! She pretends to understand the idea of temporal waves because it shuts the Doctor up if she tells him she knows what he’s on about. Evelyn prefers to think that the Doctor is her companion.

◆ Story Recap

The Doctor and Evelyn are called to the barren planet of Chronos, following the disappearance of two human expeditions after a huge release of temporal energy. Little do they know that this is a nexus point where history is about to diverge.

It turns out that this world is linked to an alternate timeline in which the Cybermen became a dominant force in the universe, and its very existence is a temporal paradox. The Doctor’s alternate timeline counterpart apparently gave the Cyber-Controller his TARDIS for infinite access to time and space. They used it to travel back to Earth in 1927, and released a techno-organic virus that converted most humans into “skin-drones” - completely converted apart from their skin and brains. By 1951, the Daleks, Sontarans, Draconians and Time Lords had all been infected with the virus.

One skin drone decided to use a special time travel device, a Chronosphere, to travel back to the nexus point and stop the Doctor giving up his TARDIS to the Cybermen. He is armed with a reverse-engineered form of the virus that can attack mechanical organisms… but he’s just created his own timeline, because the Cybermen would reverse-engineer this virus to create their own. It’s a paradox!

◆ Circular Time

‘Real Time’ is a story that I have been putting off reviewing for a long time, mainly because it’s a pain in the rear to listen to a CD only release, but also because it’s incredibly convoluted!

We’re basically bearing witness to a circular narrative when it comes to the Cyber-Controller’s divergent timeline. Unfortunately, there is no resolution as to how the Doctor and Evelyn managed to escape said narrative. There was meant to be a follow up to this story, but it may never be resolved since Maggie Stables sadly passed away (unless someone at BigFinish decides to make use of ‘The Audio Novels’ range).

This mess of an adventure can be experienced two different ways, and I’m going to recommend you watch the webcast for a variety of reasons; it’s not split up into six parts with agonising pacing, and it’s completely free to watch on YouTube. I’ll leave a link to it below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxs6I53tMBk&ab_channel=MrDalekEmperor

◆ Acting Failures

One of the biggest issues with ‘Real Time’ is that, outside of our protagonists, the acting is absolutely dreadful! I think the worst offender is Yee Jee Tso, whose performance as Dr Reece Goddard was more flat and lifeless than Trump’s hairline. Every line he delivers just has no enthusiasm behind it, and it brings down what is already a pretty shoddy adventure. Jane Goddard’s performance here is also pretty shoddy, because even before her character got cyber-converted her line delivery was incredibly robotic!

◆ Sound Design

The soundscape barely made an impression on me: it’s blatantly obvious this was made as a webcast first, and that this CD release was an afterthought. Honestly, I expect more from Alistair Lock.

Hydraulic joints move and creak as Cybermen go about their patrols. A crackling transmission from Professor Osborn, as the temporal wave sweeps across Chronos. The rapid clicking of the Doctor’s space-time telegraph. Wild winds whip across the barren surface of Chronos. The familiar sound of a Cyberman’s sonic emitter. The bones in Carey’s arms are crushed, squelching through blood and sinew. The conversion process is the bloodiest it’s ever been in this story, genuinely horrifying. The temporal wave happens one last time, eradicating Goddard and the Cyber-Controller.

◆ Music

Alistair Lock is also handling the score. I get the feeling he was trying to evoke the feel of an early 1980s Cyberman story by going for some harsh synthesised stings: it’s reminiscent of Malcolm Clarke’s famous track March of the Cybermen, but it’s nowhere near as memorable as those scores.

Steve Foxon would later try to evoke that style of music in ‘Hour of the Cybermen’, and he would be much more successful.

◆ Conclusion

“You are required by the Controller.”

The Doctor and Evelyn get stuck in a circular narrative about a paradoxical timeline where the Cybermen conquered reality. I summed the story up in a sentence, so that you don’t have to waste £5 buying the CD (or an hour and thirty minutes watching the webcast).

‘Real Time’ is one of the weakest and most convoluted stories with this TARDIS team, and it’s completely understandable as to why it’s been largely forgotten by the fandom. Some really dreadful performances and bland post-production, and a story that will probably leave your head spinning. There are some decent elements (I really liked the idea of the techno-organic virus and think a whole story could have been made around just that) but not enough. I’d only recommend listening to ‘Real Time’ if you’re a completionist.

I am a big Stewart Lee and Richard Herring fan. Real Time is the only time their worlds collide with Doctor Who - it also marks one of their very last (if not their last) professional engagement as an ongoing double act. On his website Stewart Lee describes a picture of him standing next to a Cyberman as a career low (he may have been joking) and Herring did not speak highly of this either on his RHLSTP podcast. I don’t think it’s quite as bad as they describe.

The main issue with this story is how thin the plot it. It could be stretched across 45 minutes but not 70. Various parties spend most of the run time trying to get through a couple of doors. Big Finish have done much better in audio, so it’s a shame that it’s this one that got the animation treatment. While the animation is much improved compared to Death Comes to Time, it is still ultra low budget.

The cast are quite good - Herring’s initially dodgy accent aside. It’s always good to see the 6th Doctor and Evelyn in Big Finish, not that Evelyn is given all that much to do.

The story has a slow paced charm of its own.