Mona Lisa’s Revenge

Part One

[Art classroom]

(Clyde is finishing a sketch of K9.)

LUKE: I don't know how you do that.
CLYDE: You've either got it, or you haven't, Lukey-boy. You see, art isn't something you can learn.
LUKE: Surely it's a matter of bio-mechanical transference of what the eye sees to paper? In the end, it all comes down to geometry.
CLYDE: You see, there's your problem. You work up here, you're all science and logic and Spocky stuff like that, but you can't break art down into maths.
LUKE: Everything comes down to maths.
CLYDE: See, not art. Art is in the soul. You don't think it, you feel it.

(The headmaster enters.)

HARESH: Morning 11T.
RANI: Someone's in trouble. That's Dad's serious face.
CLYDE: Yeah, like he's got any other sort.
HARESH: All right, you lot, settle down. If I may, Mrs. Taylor? I have an important announcement to make.
RANI: Told you.
HARESH: Concerning you, Clyde Langer.
CLYDE: Me? Oh, what have I done now? Wait. Oh no, wait. No, don't tell me. I turned up. All I have to do to get some teacher's back up.
HARESH: You aren't in trouble, Clyde. For once, quite the opposite. I've just had an e-mail from a Mister Harding, Curator of the International Gallery.
CLYDE: Who?

[Display gallery]

(Mr. Harding wears a bow tie.)

HARDING: At last!
PHYLLIS: Indeed, Mister Harding.
HARDING: I never thought I would see the day when she came into my care. So, so beautiful.
PHYLLIS: No one else could have achieved this. The years of dedicated planning. No one would have been man enough.
HARDING: We got there in the end, Miss Trupp. After all our tribulations.
PHYLLIS: Yours. I only assisted.
HARDING: True, true. You did. And here she is. The Mona Lisa.

[Classroom]

HARESH: Tomorrow morning, this entire class will be the first members of the public to see the Mona Lisa here in the UK. And all thanks to Clyde. You won first prize.
LUKE: You won!

(Applause.)

CLYDE: Wait, wait, wait, wait. As much as I appreciate the adulation and missing double maths tomorrow, there's been a mistake. I never put my work into any competition.
HARESH: Someone did.
CLYDE: Oh, I wonder who?
LUKE: They were looking for the country's most promising young artist. And you really are good, Clyde.
RANI: Brilliant.
LUKE: I knew you'd never put yourself forward.
CLYDE: Well, it's not good for the image is it, some nerdy competition.
RANI: I've got to text Mum.
HARESH: How many times? No mobiles in the classroom. Or at the gallery tomorrow. Their rules, not mine.
LUKE: You're not annoyed with me, are you?
CLYDE: Are you serious? It's the Mona Lisa!

[Display gallery]

PHYLLIS: We should press on.
HARDING: Yes. Oh, tomorrow will be such a day for me.

(He puts his hands on Phyllis's shoulders and she thinks he is going to kiss her, but then he walks away. She follows him. They don't see flames appear around the edge of the Mona Lisa, and her fingers move. There is also an evil laugh.)

[Smith home]

LUKE: Mum? You won't believe what's happened. Mum?
SARAH JANE [OC]: I'm in your room.

[Luke's room]

SARAH JANE: Look at the state of this place.
LUKE: Yeah, I know, but
SARAH JANE: I thought I told you to tidy it.
LUKE: I will. Just listen.
SARAH JANE: When? Oh, I hate to think how long all these cups have been here. Oh.
LUKE: Okay.
SARAH JANE: No, it isn't. And you can forget any other plans you had for this evening because you're blitzing this place. And don't think K9's going to zap all this rubbish. He's out of bounds till it's done. I am so disappointed in you.
LUKE: I don't know what you want from me. You say you're trying to give me a normal life, but when I act like a real teenager you want me to be perfect again, the way the Bane made me.
SARAH JANE: I'm sorry you feel like that.
LUKE: So am I.

[Outside the Gallery]

HARESH: Hand in your mobile phones at reception and no running. No running! We're here as honoured guests, not like some hormonal SAS. Oh, what's the use?

[Reception]

CLYDE: Ah, freebies!

(Guide books and information.)

LUKE: No, I'll pass, thanks.
CLYDE: Your loss. Anyway, what did Sarah Jane say about me winning this prize?
LUKE: Nothing. We're not really talking. She's being such a mum.
CLYDE: Yeah, well, it's probably best she doesn't know.

(Clyde is looking at Luke and walks straight into the back of the headmaster.)

HARESH: Careful, Clyde. Even star pupils need to watch where they're going.
CLYDE: Sir.
HARESH: So, how're you feeling? Er, nervous?
CLYDE: Weirded out. I mean, teachers are never this friendly.
HARESH: You see, diligence has its rewards. Perhaps now you'll put the same enthusiasm into your other school work.
PHYLLIS: Mr. Chandra? Park Vale?
HARESH: Yes.
PHYLLIS: Mr. Harding will receive you upstairs.
HARESH: Great.
PHYLLIS: Come this way.
HARESH: Okay, everyone, follow me.
PHYLLIS: It's very exciting.
HARESH: I'm very excited as well.

[Gallery]

PHYLLIS: Actually much, much smaller than you'd imagine.
HARESH: Really?
PHYLLIS: It's very surprising because you always

(Rani stands next to a poster of the painting.)

RANI: What d'you reckon, Luke? Who's got the more enigmatic smile, me or Lisa?
LUKE: I really don't understand. Why is the Mona Lisa so special? It's just brown.
RANI: Maybe when you see the real thing, you'll understand.
LUKE: I don't really get art.

(Luke picks up a box on a stand. It is labelled Guiseppe di Cattivo, Mystery Chinese Puzzle.)

CLYDE: Careful! It's an art gallery. You're not supposed to pick it up either, okay? You look, you don't touch.
LUKE: But this isn't art. It's something else.
HARESH: Clyde? This is Mr. Harding, Curator of the gallery. Clyde Langer. We're really proud of him.
HARDING: Congratulations, Clyde. You're very talented.
PHYLLIS: Such a handsome boy.
HARDING: Oh, er, this is my assistant, Miss Trupp. Now
PHYLLIS: You really are so gifted, Clyde.
CLYDE: Cheers.
PHYLLIS: As soon as I saw your picture, I knew you'd win. It wasn't up to me, of course, but if it had been you'd definitely have won. Well, you did. So it's all turned out for the best.
HARDING: Miss Trupp. Perhaps you should go and check the final preparations.
PHYLLIS: Oh, er, yes.

(Phyllis Trupp leaves.)

HARDING: Big day for all of us. Clyde, follow me. Your masterpiece awaits.

[Display gallery]

PHYLLIS: Come along, chop chop. This place should be clear by now.

(Two employees scurry out. Phyllis speaks to the Mona Lisa.)

PHYLLIS: Do you know how lucky you are? Lionel worships you. If only he looked at me with the same eyes.
MONA LISA [OC]: Oh, quit your moaning, love. Do us all a favour.
PHYLLIS: Who, who said that?

(Flames surround the portrait, and she stretches her neck.)

MONA LISA: You can hear me? Well, now there's a first. So let's try this for another.)

(Lisa reaches out of her frame and grabs Phyllis, who naturally screams. Lisa cackles.)

[Modern art gallery]

(Clyde's picture is of three scantily clad space vixens with big guns.)

HARDING: And here we are, in pride of place.
CLYDE: No way.
HARDING: Is something wrong?
CLYDE: It's just. My work in a proper gallery.
LUKE: We told you, Clyde. It's brilliant.

(Applause.)

CLYDE: Shut up!
HARESH: Agreed. Some order, please. Mrs. Taylor.
HARDING: Apart from the obvious artistic flair, your imagination is so impressive. The detail in the weaponry. I don't know where you get your inspiration. Please.
LUKE: They're Sontaran blasters, aren't they?
CLYDE: Well spotted.
LUKE: That's why you didn't want Mum to know.
CLYDE: Yeah. Oh, and don't tell her I've been drawing K9, either. You know, I always used to play this sort of stuff down. I thought people'd laugh at me.
LUKE: You mean you thought drawing wasn't cool.
CLYDE: Something like that.
RANI: Well, it is cool, and believe me, no one's laughing.
CLYDE: When I was younger, no brothers or sisters, I used to draw for company. But maybe I could really do something with this.
HARDING: And so to the prize. Prepare to meet the Mona Lisa.

[Display gallery]

(The Mona Lisa has curtains drawn in front of her.)

HARDING: The Mona Lisa, a painting begun by Leonardo da Vinci in 1503 in Florence, but finished only shortly before he died in 1519. For over five hundred years the Mona Lisa's beauty has remained undimmed. She has been gazed upon by millions in her Paris home. Now, she is here. Feast your eyes, and lose your hearts. I give you, the Mona Lisa!

(Mr. Harding pulls the cord to draw back the curtains. But it isn't Lisa in the frame any more.)

CLYDE: She has let herself go.
LUKE: Isn't that his assistant?

(Harding runs to a telephone.)

HARDING: Security! The Mona Lisa has been stolen!

[Attic]

MR. SMITH: Excuse me, Sarah Jane. I am detecting unusual brain pattern activity and your ability to concentrate appears compromised. Are you unwell?
SARAH JANE: No. I'm fine, Mister Smith. It's Luke.
MR. SMITH: But Luke has perfect health. That is how he was made by the Bane.
SARAH JANE: Yes, I know. The perfect human being. But nothing stays perfect for ever, does it?
MR. SMITH: I'm sorry, I'm not sure that I understand.
SARAH JANE: Luke isn't ill. He's growing up.
MR. SMITH: I believe it is a normal part of breeding patterns in most species.
SARAH JANE: Yes, I know. And I've tried so hard to make Luke's life as normal as possible. In a way it helped make mine a little more normal, too. Before I met Luke, who was I? A lonely, frosty woman in the big house who knew more about creatures from outer space than she did humans.
MR. SMITH: I have always considered the intricacy of human nature excessively complicated in comparison to most other life forms.
SARAH JANE: You and me both, old friend. And being a mum is just about as complicated as it gets. Most parents have years to get used to it. I'm still finding my feet and already I'm realising that one day it's going to be over. One day Luke will be gone. One day, perhaps, very soon.

[Reception]

(The police officer is taking notes.)

HARDING: I told them security had to be improved here. I told them, after that Cup of Athelstan fiasco at Easter. Oh, my beautiful Mona Lisa. The French will have my head!
HARESH: If you could all stay calm as we move out and let the police do their job.
RANI: There's something freaky about this.
CLYDE: Oh, here we go. Just because something shady happens doesn't mean there are aliens behind it. When my bike got nicked, did you think that was ET the ASBO, cycling home?
RANI: Did I mention aliens?
LUKE: Rani's right. Why would they put a picture of Miss Trupp in the Mona Lisa's place?
CLYDE: Maybe she's behind it all. Maybe it's her calling card. The Truppmeistress has struck!
RANI: Even if this isn't alien, it's weird enough for Sarah Jane. We should call her.
LUKE: No. We don't need her. We can do this ourselves.
RANI: Okay then. But first we need to lose my dad.
HARESH: Have you seen Jonathan? No? Are you sure?
LUKE: Excuse me, Mister Chandra.
HARESH: Yes, what is it, Luke?
LUKE: I need the toilet.
CLYDE: Me too, sir, I'm busting.
RANI: And me.
HARESH: Okay, but be quick.
LUKE: Sir.
HARESH: And then straight to the coach.

(They head back down the corridor to the galleries.)

CLYDE: Nice one, Luke.
LUKE: What?
RANI: Good cover story.
LUKE: No, I really need the loo.
RANI: Oh. Well, like Dad says, be quick.

[Attic]

MR. SMITH: I am picking up news reports from the International Gallery. The Mona Lisa has been stolen.
SARAH JANE: The Mona Lisa? I don't believe it. The security at the International Gallery was supposed to be massive.
MR. SMITH: So the reports suggest.
SARAH JANE: All the same, if it hasn't been taken by inter-galactic art thieves, it's not really my thing. Or are you trying to distract me, Mister Smith?
MR. SMITH: I simply thought the news report would be of interest.
SARAH JANE: Okay, show me.
MZIMBA [on TV]: It's understood that the theft was discovered as the Mona Lisa was about to be unveiled for a party of students from Park Vale Comprehensive in Ealing.
SARAH JANE: What?
MZIMBA [on TV]: Park Vale pupil Clyde Langer won first prize in the gallery's Artists of the Future competition. This is Lizo Mzimba reporting from the International Gallery.
SARAH JANE: Then Luke must have been there too. He never said anything. Not a word.

[Gallery]

(Police guard every entrance to the main display.)

CLYDE: Police! We'll never get past them.
RANI: There has to be another way in.
LUKE: We need a map.
CLYDE: Like this one? You see, you never turn down a freebie, Luke.

[Attic]

(Sarah Jane tries to phone Luke.)

SARAH JANE: Luke's not answering.
MR. SMITH: The gallery prohibits the use of mobile telephones, but I am accessing information from the Metropolitan Police computer system that you may find of interest.
SARAH JANE: What exactly am I looking at?
MR. SMITH: This is a Crime Scene photograph of the Mona Lisa.
SARAH JANE: Mister Smith, that isn't the Mona Lisa.
MR. SMITH: My infra-red analysis confirms the brush stroke patterns of Leonardo da Vinci. This is the Mona Lisa.
SARAH JANE: But it can't be. Who is that woman?
MR. SMITH: Phyllis Trupp, personal assistant to the gallery's curator. Her most detailed personal profile can be found on Peapod-soulmates.com where she lists her interests as salsa dancing. She says she is open minded and willing to try
SARAH JANE: Thank you, Mister Smith. What's happened to her?
MR. SMITH: I can only surmise molecular transplacement. She is still alive and conscious, but trapped in the canvas of a five hundred year old painting.
SARAH JANE: What could have caused this?
MR. SMITH: Insufficient data.
SARAH JANE: So this isn't anything like a straight forward art theft, is it?
MR. SMITH: It would seem not.
SARAH JANE: Which means, the other question is, if that's Phyllis Trupp, where on earth is the Mona Lisa?

[Modern Art gallery]

CLYDE: This place is like a maze! Or like finding your way through Level Four of Alien Devastation Three.
LUKE: I thought you said you could find your way with that map.
RANI: Men and maps.
CLYDE: Hey! I can read a map. I was in the cubs. Well, until they kicked me out. But you don't want to hear about that.
RANI: Clyde.
CLYDE: Yes, I know my picture would look great in your lounge. Just get your dad to make me an offer.
RANI: I don't want your painting, Clyde. I want to know what happened to the gun that was in it.
CLYDE: Galaxia's gun!

(The purple haired Lara Croft on the left is now weaponless.)

LUKE: Whose?
CLYDE: Okay, so I gave them names. Can we move on now? What matters is
HARDING: What are you doing here? The police are conducting an investigation. They don't need a bunch of schoolchildren roaming around, disturbing evidence.
CLYDE: Yeah, well, it isn't just your Mona Lisa that's been stolen now, is it?
RANI: One of the guns in Clyde's painting has vanished. Look.
HARDING: It's dry.
LUKE: The gun wasn't painted out, Mister Harding. It was taken. Whatever we're dealing with it's more than just an art thief.
MONA LISA: Oh, you better believe it, sugar.
CLYDE: She's got my gun!

[Outside the Gallery]

HARESH: She went to the toilet and that's the last I saw of her. No, Gita, the police won't let me back in. No, I can't ring her. No phones allowed inside. Look, I'll call you back.
SARAH JANE: Haresh, hello.
HARESH: Sarah Jane. I suppose you know about the Mona Lisa.
SARAH JANE: Of course. The crime of the century and story of the year. Where's Luke?
HARESH: The thing is, they've closed the gallery and Luke, Rani and Clyde are still inside, so
SARAH JANE: Why don't you look after the rest of the kids, and I'll see what I can do. In my line of work you get a knack for opening closed doors.
HARESH: You sure?
SARAH JANE: Mmm.
HARESH: Thank you. Mrs. Taylor, kids, come on. Quickly. Move. Phones away. Are you chewing?
BOY: No, sir.
HARESH: Put your phones away, please. Thank you. Come on.

(Sarah Jane spots a security control box on the outside of the building.)

[Modern Art gallery]

HARDING: Who are you?
MONA LISA: And I thought you were supposed to be an art expert. I am the Mona Lisa.
HARDING: No, but really?
MONA LISA: Yeah, really. You can't fake this kind of class.
LUKE: You can't be the Mona Lisa. You have to be some sort of alien manifestation.
MONA LISA: Ooo. And why's that, then?
RANI: Because on Earth, women in paintings don't just jump out of their frames.
CLYDE: And nick guns from someone's painting. Do you know how long that took me to paint?
MONA LISA: Not bad. Not in my league, of course. But then Leo was a bit of a lege even back then. Although he had to blag the oils off his weirdo neighbour to paint me.
LUKE: Okay, say that's true. Now you're out of your frame, what is it you want?
MONA LISA: I've just had five centuries hanging on a wall, sugar. What is it you think I want? It's time I had a bit of fun. And I think I'll start with some target practice.
CLYDE: Run for it!

(The children run. Mona Lisa shoots a hole through a pillar.)

MONA LISA: So, it's just you and me now, Harders.

[Reception]

(Sarah Jane has gained access via her sonic lipstick.)

SARAH JANE: Sonic Scarlet, my favourite shade.

[Renaissance gallery]

CLYDE: Oh boy, that's it. Now I have seen everything.
RANI: We so have to get hold of Sarah Jane. And I mean now.
LUKE: No.
RANI: What's got in to you? Why are you being so weird about your mum?
CLYDE: Luke and Sarah Jane have had a barney, Rani.
LUKE: Never mind that. Where is everyone?
RANI: On the coach? My dad'll be going mental by now.
LUKE: What about the police. Forensics should be crawling all over this place. Something's wrong.
CLYDE: It is. So very, very wrong.

(There are new figures in the landscape paintings - policemen and Gallery employees.)

CLYDE: A whole new kind of wrong.

[Modern Art gallery]

HARDING: Mia Bella. Is it, is it really you?
MONA LISA: Oh go on then, touch me. I know you want to. I've seen the way you look at me. I remember when you came to the Louvre.
HARDING: The Louvre?
MONA LISA: Actually, every time you came. Twenty seconds, that's all anyone gets to see me and then, move along s'il vous plait. You always put up quite a struggle. It's a shame they had to ban you in the end.
HARDING: It is you. It really is you!
MONA LISA: And you are going to have to get used to that, because we've got a lot of work to do.
HARDING: I don't understand.
MONA LISA: We have to find my brother.

[Balcony]

SARAH JANE: Definite traces of alien energy. Two of them.

[Historic Art gallery]

MONA LISA: He's here somewhere I know he is.
HARDING: But there's nothing to suggest in any academic work that you had a brother.
MONA LISA: Not had, Harders, have. And he's here. He's somewhere amongst this tat just waiting for me.
HARDING: You mean another painting.
MONA LISA: Yes, I can see how you got the job here, Harders. And that's why I need you. You know every brush stroke in this place.
HARDING: Well, what does he look like, your brother?
MONA LISA: I've never seen him so I haven't got a clue. But he'll have been painted around the same time as me, the same place as me. Next door, in fact.
HARDING: I've got it! Follow me.

[Reception]

CLYDE: Oh, it's locked.
RANI: We have to find a phone. I don't care what you say, Luke. What's happened to those people is beyond freaky. We're calling your mum.
LUKE: I don't think there's any need. Her car's here.

[Display gallery]

SARAH JANE: Residual alien energy. But if this is, or was, a painting by Leonardo, how is that possible? Do you know, Phyllis? I know you can hear me, even though you can't answer. I promise you, I'm going to get you out of there.
HARDING: But what I think is, if he was painted at the same time as you, this has to be him. Has to be. Not only a contemporary of Leonardo, but a neighbour in Florence.

(Harding brings Lisa to another small portrait.)

MONA LISA: Him? He's not much of a looker, is he?
HARDING: Giuseppe Di Cattivo. 1450 to 1518, whose work is often compared to his more famous contemporary Hieronymus Bosch. Poor Giuseppe he died in a lunatic asylum.

(Mona Lisa stretches out her arm.)

MONA LISA: No, no, this isn't him. But. Come out, come out, whoever you are. I can hear you breathing.
SARAH JANE: Who would have thought a painting would have such good hearing, Mona Lisa? But then Leonardo was such a stickler for detail.
MONA LISA: On the subject of detail, mind filling in the obvious blank?
SARAH JANE: My name is Sarah Jane Smith, and that is a Sontaran blaster. Do you mind telling me where you got it?
MONA LISA: Ooo. Well, I just took it from the painting that lad Clyde did, because I thought it looked a little bit flash.
SARAH JANE: Oh, Clyde. You'd better not have harmed him or his friends.
HARDING: Oh no, don't concern yourself. They're perfectly safe. I'm Lionel Harding, curator of the museum.
SARAH JANE: Mr. Harding, whatever is happening here, don't worry. I can help you.
HARDING: Thank you, I'm not sure I need it.
MONA LISA: No. You see Harders here, he's me number one fan.
SARAH JANE: Listen to me, she is dangerous. Look what she did to Miss Trupp.
MONA LISA: Now you don't want to worry about that old trout, do you Harders? I mean, you never did before, did you? And, let's face it, she never was an oil painting. At least not till now.
SARAH JANE: Release her. Now.
MONA LISA: Ooo, I might think about it. Depends if you stay out me way, Sarah Jane Smith? Sarah Jane. Where do I know that name? Oh! Ooo, that Sarah Jane. Seems like no one wants you around, Sazza. Not even your son.
SARAH JANE: What?
MONA LISA: Mmm. Heard him talking before. He'd like you to keep your nose out. And so would I.
SARAH JANE: I'm sorry. Whatever you're planning, I am not stepping aside.
MONA LISA: That's your choice.
HARDING: No, Mia Bella!

(Growling echoing through the whole gallery.)

SARAH JANE: What is that?
MONA LISA: That is my brother.

[Staircase]

CLYDE: Is it me, or did things just get uncomfortable?

[Display gallery]

(Mona Lisa is covered in flames for a moment.)

SARAH JANE: What's going on?
MONA LISA: Well, give me a second, and I'll put you in the picture.
SARAH JANE: Nooooo!

[Staircase]

LUKE: That's Mum!

[Display gallery]

RANI: Sarah Jane?
LUKE: Mum!
RANI: I've found her.
LUKE: No. Mum!

(Sarah Jane is in an oil painting of a path through some woods.)

MONA LISA: And that is how she'll stay, forever! Bwahahahahahaha!

Part Two

[Display gallery]

LUKE: What have you done with her?
MONA LISA: Do you not like it? I mean, I know art is subjective, but I think she looks as pretty as a picture. Well, most pictures. I think we can all agree I'm in a different league.
CLYDE: Yeah, too right.
MONA LISA: Mmm, ta.
RANI: He didn't mean it as a compliment.
MONA LISA: And you're just jealous.
LUKE: Get my mum out of that painting. Now!
MONA LISA: So you can say sowwy?
LUKE: What?
MONA LISA: Well, only an hour ago you didn't need her. Nothing gets past me, kids. You were all we can do this ourselves.
MONA LISA: Leave him alone!
MONA LISA: Not such the hero now, eh?
HARDING: Don't worry, young man. Your mother is perfectly safe, just like Miss Trupp here. As soon as Mona Lisa has found her brother, she will release them both, I am sure.
CLYDE: Her brother?
HARDING: It's another painting.

(Growls from beneath their feet.)

HARDING: I think.
RANI: You mean that?
CLYDE: Oh, boy, have we got trouble.
MONA LISA: Too right, sugar. If you know what's good for you, I'd butt out.
LUKE: I can't do that. Whatever you're doing, my mum was going to stop you, and that means now I have to.
MONA LISA: Ooo, couldn't you just eat them, Harders? They're so sweet and they think they can handle me.
RANI: And you want to know why?
LUKE: Because we can!

(Luke pushes Mona Lisa back and she tumbles over a seat.)

LUKE: Come on, let's go!
CLYDE: Luke, what are you doing?

(Luke grabs the painting with Sarah Jane in it.)

MONA LISA: I keep forgetting I've got legs now.
HARDING: My painting!
LUKE: My mum!
MONA LISA: Don't worry, Harders. I've got it covered.

(Lisa looks at a portrait of a highwayman.)

[Renovated gallery]

(Ladders, empty cases, etc.)

RANI: Hold up! It's okay. They're not following.
CLYDE: Have you got any idea how she could've done this?
LUKE: No, I don't understand any of it.
RANI: Well, we'd better work it out fast.
LUKE: The Mona Lisa has existed for five centuries. There has to be a reason she's come to life and it has to be about this gallery.
CLYDE: Most likely whatever is roaring its head off down there like a caged bear with gut ache.
LUKE: Her brother.

(The clink of metal spurs.)

RANI: What was that?
CLYDE: You heard it, too? I thought I was just getting ringing in my ears.

(Enter the Highwayman.)

RANI: Where did he come from?
LUKE: William Bonneville's painting, The Dark Rider. Painted 1802.
CLYDE: I thought you didn't know anything about art.
LUKE: I don't. But I remember everything I see. I can't help it.
RANI: Shush.
CLYDE: Run! This way!

[Reception]

RANI: He's right behind us!
CLYDE: He's a picture. Shouldn't he be firing paint balls?
RANI: Yeah? Well, two flintlocks, two shots. He's out of ammo. Come on.
LUKE: It's a picture come to life. He can fire as many times as he likes.
RANI: Run! Clyde!
CLYDE: Split up. He can only go for one of us.
RANI: Clyde, no!

[Balcony]

(Watching the Dark Rider stalk after Luke and Rani.)

HARDING: He won't harm them, will he? They're just children. They can't do anything to stop you.
MONA LISA: Well, aren't you a sweetie, Harders? All worried about the little kiddie-winkies.
HARDING: But they're children. You must have had children.
MONA LISA: Children? Have you seen how small that frame of mine was? Not much room for a family in there.
HARDING: I meant before. The real Lisa.
MONA LISA: Now look here, Harders. Let's get this straight. I am the Mona Lisa. Not that dreary Italian housewife that sat for Leo. She laughed like a camel and farted like a donkey. That enigmatic smile everyone bangs on about? Wind. So you get your head around this, Harders, because I won't say it again. I am the painting come to life.
HARDING: The most beautiful painting in the world. The legend made flesh.
MONA LISA: Finally, you're getting it. Now, let's go and find my brother.

[By the fire exit]

HARDING: What kind of art could possibly make that noise?
MONA LISA: What kind of art is that?
HARDING: That's not art, that's a window. That's the real world.
MONA LISA: What's it like, outside?
HARDING: Well, it's roomier than in here. And some of it has grass on.
MONA LISA: Show me. Show me what I've missed. Show me the sky. Open it. I want to see. I want to touch.

(Harding unlocks the window onto the courtyard.)

MONA LISA: Oh, there's so much of it. An entire world to walk.

(But when she stretches out her hand into the fresh air it turns back into wood and paint.)

MONA LISA: No! I have not been released from wood and paint to be trapped in here! This is such a cheat.

[Renovated gallery]

HARDING: We could make a home for you here. Well, this wing is being refurbished. It could be yours. A suite. A whole floor. You could live here. A thinking, breathing work of art.
MONA LISA: I don't want to be a work of art. Where is the fun in hanging on walls? He's speaking to me. Yes, my brother in living paint. Of course I see. Once we are united, we will both be free and nothing will stand in our way. Not gallery walls or pathetic humans.

(Clyde watches as Lisa turns the Sontaran blaster on Harding.)

[Gift shop]

RANI: I hope Clyde's okay.
LUKE: Clyde can look after himself.
RANI: Yeah. Ugh, that woman's face is everywhere.
LUKE: We have to find a way to release Mum. Why did we have that stupid row about my room?
RANI: Because that's what happens. Sometimes parents, they just get on your case.
LUKE: Mum and me, we've never argued before.
RANI: Don't worry, Luke. You'll get a chance to make it up.

[Renovated gallery]

MONA LISA: He has spoken. Now I know who my brother is. He is a work so terrible that no one has laid eyes on it since it was first created.
HARDING: No, it can't be. That's just a legend. A story the cleaners and night staff scare each other with. It doesn't really exist.
MONA LISA: My brother and I have waited all these years to be brought together. Five centuries, Harders. And now you are the man for the job. So you take me to him, and we will set him free.

(And the Dark Rider grabs Clyde.)

[Gift shop]

LUKE: Mona Lisa's looking for her brother. Another painting in the gallery with some sort of connection to her.
RANI: Could that be why she's come to life, the two of them being so close?
LUKE: It's the logical explanation. Perhaps if we can find it before she does, we can stop her. There has to be something in these books to help.

[Renovated gallery]

MONA LISA: And now he calls to me, from the vaults below. Oh, and now look what we have to bring him. After five centuries, he might just feel a little bit peckish.
CLYDE: What is that thing?
MONA LISA: Tell him, Harders.
HARDING: A painting that shouldn't exist.
MONA LISA: And now it's time for a viewing. Bring him!

[Gift shop]

LUKE: There's nothing. No clue to any painting linked to the Mona Lisa or Leonardo.
RANI: What about a painting that isn't supposed to exist?
LUKE: What?

(Rani is reading about Giuseppe di Cattivo.)

RANI: A legend. A painting too terrifying to be exhibited, even to look at. The Abomination.

[Passage]

(Underneath the Gallery.)

HARDING: The story says that it was painted by Giuseppe di Cattivo, known in 15th Century Florence as the Artist of Nightmares.
CLYDE: So he didn't paint fluffy lambs and bunny rabbits, then?
HARDING: Even at the time his paintings were considered disturbing, an affront to Creation. The Abomination was said to have been his masterpiece.

[Gift shop]

RANI: But when Guiseppe saw what he had painted, a terror gripped him. He realised no one could look on his creation without losing their sanity, and he locked the painting in a special case, made with wood from a hangman's gallows, to keep the Abomination from human eyes for all eternity.

[Passage]

HARDING: He secured the case with a complex Chinese puzzle lock. The next morning he was found in his Florence apartments beside the wooden case. He had gone completely insane.

[Gift shop]

RANI: The secret of the puzzle was lost to his ravaged mind, and the painting has never been unlocked.

[Passage]

MONA LISA: Isn't that just a corker of a story?
CLYDE: Except it's not just a story, is it?
HARDING: We're about to find out. The gallery took possession of a collection of Giuseppe's works in Victorian times. This is the door to the vaults.
CLYDE: You don't really think this is all going to work out happily ever after, do you?
HARDING: Ever since man first drew on cave walls, all any artist ever wanted to do was breathe life into what they created. Can't you appreciate the wonder of what has happened today?
CLYDE: Can't you appreciate that she's nuts?
MONA LISA: Standing right here, boys.

(Harding unlocks the door to -)

[Vault]

(Full of spooky stonework, heraldic animals holding shields and suchlike.)

MONA LISA: Right Harders, you first.

[Gift shop]

LUKE: Giuseppe di Cattivo. Why does that name mean something?
RANI: I don't know. I do know one thing. He was in Florence. And that's where Leonardo painted the Mona Lisa. Plus, earlier she said something about Leonardo using paint from his weirdo neighbour.
LUKE: That's it. That's where I've seen the name before. Come on!

(Luke puts the picture down by the door.)

[Renovated gallery]

LUKE: Leonardo da Vinci and Giuseppe di Cattivo were both in Florence and must have used the same paint for both pictures.
RANI: That still doesn't explain how both of them are coming to life.
LUKE: Paint is a mineral pigment held in oil. What if the minerals came from a rock that fell from space?
RANI: A meteorite?
LUKE: Like the one that created Odd Bob the Clown.
RANI: An energy that survived on emotion.
LUKE: For five centuries they were apart and inactive, dormant, but bringing them together has brought them to life.
RANI: Clyde said it sounded like a caged bear and that's exactly what it is.
LUKE: And we think the Mona Lisa's bad news.
RANI: Look! Clyde's bag.

(Luke picks up the sketch book which has fallen out of it, showing the drawing of K9.)

LUKE: Don't worry. We can stop this.

[Vault]

HARDING: I've never been as far inside the old vaults before. It's filthy.
CLYDE: Oh, you don't say.
HARDING: But the stories say the Abomination is down here somewhere.
MONA LISA: Well, I don't see my brother! If you're playing games with me, Harders, I'll feed you to him as well. Feet first!

(Growl.)

CLYDE: I think that's your brother calling.
MONA LISA: Move it.

(The Dark Rider moves old frames and other junk.)

CLYDE: Once she's unlocked her brother, she'll be finished with you. Helping her isn't going to make any difference. Believe me, we're both going to get abominated.
HARDING: I know, but what can I do now?

(The Highwayman reveals metal gates and behind them in an alcove is a cupboard, which is rocking. Mona Lisa uses the blaster to unlock the gates.)

CLYDE: If you ask me he doesn't seem all that pleased to see you.
MONA LISA: Show some respect for my brother in living paint, because once he's out of there, then you'll see some fireworks.
CLYDE: Lisa, you can't do this.
HARDING: He's right, you can't.
MONA LISA: What's this, Harders? Remember where you left your backbone all of a sudden?
HARDING: No. The puzzle lock is missing.
MONA LISA: Where is it?

[Gallery]

LUKE: Giuseppe's Chinese puzzle lock. I knew I'd seen it. Like I said, I remember everything I see.
LUKE [memory]: I don't really get art.
CLYDE [memory]: Whoa, it's an art gallery.
LUKE: But I knew this was something else. Not art. Part of a complex locking mechanism.
RANI: Part.
LUKE: This is the key to the Abomination. Somehow it was separated from the painting and catalogued by the gallery as just another work of art. No one ever realised what it really was.
RANI: But if Mona Lisa wants to free The Abomination she's going to need this.
LUKE: And we can use that to force her to release Mum.
RANI: You're going to bargain with her?
MONA LISA: It's a nice idea, kid, but I don't do deals. Not while I'm packing heat. Go fetch.

(Harding walks forward.)

LUKE: If you fire that blaster at us, you'll destroy the puzzle lock.
MONA LISA: That's why I'm not going to fire it then. Unless you do something stupid, like smash the puzzle. Which you won't, because I've got your friend, Clydey.
RANI: Where is he? What have you done to him?
HARDING: Don't worry, he's all right. But you'd better give me the puzzle lock.

(Rani hands the box to Harding.)

HARDING: Now it's me you're bargaining with.
MONA LISA: What?
HARDING: I've been a fool.
MONA LISA: Well, I could've told you that any day. Now give me the puzzle.
HARDING: I thought you were wonderful. I dedicated my professional life, no, my life, to bringing you to this gallery.
MONA LISA: I know, I know, you're my number one fan. Now give me the puzzle lock.

(Harding puts the box on the floor and raises his foot above it.)

HARDING: Not until you have released Miss Trupp, and this young man's mother. Oh, you can threaten me with your ray gun. It makes no difference. I'm responsible for this mess. It's time I took a stand.
MONA LISA: You won't. You wouldn't dare. All these pretty pictures are too precious to you. All that history. All the colours.

(Harding stamps on the box.)

MONA LISA: Nooo! Oh, you're so going to wish you hadn't done that. Well, for about a second, anyway.
LUKE: No! Don't. There's another way to release the Abomination. I can help you.
MONA LISA: You?
RANI: Luke?
LUKE: But first you have to take me to Clyde.

[Vault]

CLYDE: So, did you know Dick Turpin, then? You don't say a lot, do you? Of course, you can't talk. You only got painted with that mask. You don't have a mouth. A highwayman that can't say stand and deliver. Not going to be much of a highwayman really, are you?
LUKE: Clyde!
CLYDE: Guys! I knew you'd show up. Trouble is, I've still got Silent Bob here.

(Growl.)

CLYDE: Oh, and him.
MONA LISA: Oh, ey up. I do love a good reunion, me. Now whatever it is you're going to do, you get on with it. My brother's becoming restless.
CLYDE: What's going on?
RANI: Luke's got a plan.
LUKE: You're going to release the Abomination.
CLYDE: I'm what?
LUKE: Mr. Harding destroyed the puzzle lock. You can draw a new one.
CLYDE: I can? Okay, I can. But why would I?

(Luke gives Clyde the book with a photograph of the puzzle lock in it.)

RANI: Mona Lisa will make the picture real and use it to unlock the Abomination.
CLYDE: Which will then rampage across Earth and everyone that sees it will go mad or die. Probably both.
LUKE: I want Mum back.
HARDING: You can't trust her. Even I realise that now.
CLYDE: He's right mate.
MONA LISA: You know, Clyde, this Sultana blaster.
RANI: You mean Sontaran.
MONA LISA: Whatever. It hasn't seen much use. That could easily change.
LUKE: Do it, Clyde. She can't use the photograph to bring it back to life. She has to use something that's been drawn. Something that's been invested with human energy.
RANI: Luke, are you sure about this? I know you're upset about Sarah Jane, but this seems wrong.
CLYDE: Sarah Jane wouldn't want us doing this. It's not her way.
LUKE: You're right, Clyde. I'm not doing this Mum's way. This is my way. Draw it, please. Just do it.
MONA LISA: That's the way, Clydey. Now you make this your best work. In fact, you make it a masterpiece.
RANI: I can't believe you're doing this.
LUKE: Just trust me.
MONA LISA: My brother in living paint, your wait will soon be over, and then your reign of fire and sulphur shall begin and the world will be a rage of flames at our feet.
HARDING: You have to stop this, Mona Lisa. I thought you wanted to experience the world, not destroy it?
MONA LISA: What use is that to me? A world of flowers and trees, or ablaze with fire and torrents of molten lava?
RANI: That's it! You mustn't do this, Clyde. Tear it up!
LUKE: No!
CLYDE: It's finished. I'm sorry.
MONA LISA: And now it's time to release my brother. Give it to me. Ooo, that's not bad, Clydey. That's not bad at all.

(Mona Lisa gives the blaster to the Dark Rider.)

CLYDE: I hope you know what you're doing, my Padawan. You've gone right over to the dark side.

(Lisa turns the drawing into solid form.)

MONA LISA: I have it.
RANI: I really hope you know what you're doing!

(Luke puts the sketchbook down on the floor.)

MONA LISA: Here, my brother. Your deliverance.

(She opens the box and puts it on the lock of the cupboard. It opens.)

MONA LISA: You are free!

(The doors swing open and red light streams out, followed by a black hand with long nails.)

RANI: It's coming out!
LUKE: Don't look at it!
MONA LISA: My brother.

(As the horned beast emerges, energy plays over the drawing on next sheet in the sketchbook.)

LUKE: K9, now!
MONA LISA: What is that? Where did you come from? Who let that metal mutt in here?
LUKE: Don't mess with my dog, Lisa!

(K9 fires his nose laser at the Abomination.)

MONA LISA: No! No, my brother. Don't abandon me. No!

(The cupboard doors slam shut again.)

K9: Maximum pigmentation dispersal.
MONA LISA: I'm not having this.

(Mona Lisa takes back the Sontaran blaster.)

LUKE: K9, look out!

(The blaster vanishes.)

MONA LISA: What's happening? You, shoot them!

(The Dark Rider takes aim, then turns into a painting.)

MONA LISA: No!
CLYDE: Everything it did is being reversed.
RANI: Oh, good work, K9!
K9: Thank you, Mistress Rani.
MONA LISA: I can't go back into that frame. I won't!
LUKE: You've got no choice.
MONA LISA: Please! That room that you promised me. A living work of art, that's what you said. I'll do it! I'll do anything if you let me stay here and you let me live.
CLYDE: He can't help you, Lisa. No one can. You're going back to the way Leonardo created you. Paint and board.
MONA LISA: But I've always been able to think and to feel.
LUKE: And you still will. Just back in your painting.
HARDING: Where you belong.
MONA LISA: I want to be flesh. No! No!

(The painting in the Display Gallery is restored.)

RANI: And that's the last of her, I hope.
LUKE: With the Abomination destroyed, she's never coming back.
CLYDE: K9, my man.
RANI: He was just a drawing too?
CLYDE: From my sketchbook. It was the picture underneath. Luke wanted me to draw it so that when Lisa brought the lock into existence, she brought K9 to life too.
RANI: You mean you knew what he was up to?
CLYDE: Of course I didn't. But I trusted him. My man.
LUKE: Come on, we've got to find Mum.
HARDING: Mia bella. Oh. Miss Trupp!

[Reception]

(Everyone has been released from the paintings.)

LUKE: Mum?
SARAH JANE: Oh, Luke! Oh, you're safe.

(Mr. Harding runs through.)

LUKE: Where's he going?

[Display gallery]

(Harding helps Phyllis up from the carpet in front of the Mona Lisa.)

HARDING: Oh, Miss Trupp. Phyllis.
PHYLLIS: I've had the most bizarre dream.
HARDING: So have I. The most bizarre, frightening dream for twenty five years. When true happiness was right there under my nose. Call me Lionel.
PHYLLIS: Lionel? Call you Lionel?
HARDING: It's my name, Miss Trupp. I mean, Phyllis. My first name.
PHYLLIS: I know it's your name, Harders. Mona Lisa dumped you, did she?
HARDING: I'm sorry. I don't understand.
PHYLLIS: Oh, I heard you. Mia bella. That trollop imprisoned me, and you were all over her. You, you art tart!
HARDING: Phyllis! Wait! Please!
CLYDE: Uh oh. Looks like you've painted yourself into a corner there, Harders.
SARAH JANE: A living consciousness imprisoned like that. I almost feel sorry for her.
RANI: Almost?
SARAH JANE: Well, you can go off someone when they trap you in a picture. But I knew you three would always be there for me. I knew you wouldn't let me down.
CLYDE: Well, it was all down to Luke, really.
SARAH JANE: I know, and I am so proud of you. My wonderful, clever, resourceful, dependable son.
LUKE: And messy?
SARAH JANE: Oh, yes, that as well. But then nobody's perfect.
RANI: Yeah, look at Mona Lisa.
LUKE: And I'll sort out my room when we get home. I promise.
SARAH JANE: And while you're doing that, Clyde and I will be having a little chat about Sontaran blasters.

Transcript originally provided by Chrissie. Adapted by TARDIS.guide. The transcripts are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.

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