[The main hall]

(The STM activates. K9 watches. Starkey enters.)

GRYFFEN: K9, what’s going on in there?

(Gryffen enters.)

STARKEY: It’s the STM, prof! It’s doing something to K9 again.
K9: I’ve been recalling scrambled information since… (The STM shuts off.) This morning.

(K9 falls to the floor.)

[The laboratory]

(Gryffen is repairing K9.)

GRYFFEN: Siphoning temporal power from the STM is highly dangerous.
K9: A calculated risk, but this event points to there being an even bigger connection between myself and the STM than we previously thought.
STARKEY: But there must be another way to find that connection other than hooking you straight up to the STM.
K9: Unfortunately, no. As you humans say, I have a bad feeling about my connection to the STM.
GRYFFEN: I do this against my better judgement.
K9: Sometimes your judgement is totally illogical.
GRYFFEN: K9, I’m a scientist. I experiment. The nature of experimentation involves taking chances.
K9: I suggest you take a chance now and initiate full power.
GRYFFEN: Very well, then. Full power.

(Gryffen presses some buttons. K9 starts hovering.)

K9: Attack! Attack! Attack! Be warned, this unit is entering attack mode!

(K9 arms his cannon. There is an explosion. Starkey and Gryffen hide behind the table, then emerge.)

STARKEY: K9?
GRYFFEN: Where’d he go?

(K9 hovers upwards from the other end of the table.)

K9: Warning! Stay back.
GRYFFEN: K9, what’s wrong?
K9: Alien detected.

(K9 fires. Gryffen dodges.)

STARKEY: K9, that’s the professor!

(K9 growls.)

GRYFFEN: K9! Come on, old boy. Let me see what’s gone wrong.
STARKEY: K9, stay!
K9: You do not compute. Retreat or you will be fired upon again.
GRYFFEN: K9, it’s me, Gryffen!
K9: Computing. Subject: Gryffen.

[Memory; the laboratory]

GRYFFEN: What was that?
K9: You were in my remote identification system.
GRYFFEN: And how does that work?
K9: Once a sound is imprinted, I can hear it across dimensions.
GRYFFEN: (Picks up a bouncy ball.) You mean like this?

(Bounces the ball once on the floor.)

K9: The sound has to be repetitive.
GRYFFEN: Like this?

(Bounces the ball twice more.)

K9: Affirmative.
GRYFFEN: Interesting. Do you fetch as well?
K9: Absolutely not. (Gryffen throws the ball. K9 follows. There is a crash.) Sometimes I hate my programming.

[Present; the laboratory]

K9: Alien species. Human identified. This dog is standing down.
STARKEY AND GRYFFEN: Dog?
K9: Archives are scrambled.
GRYFFEN: Starkey, get your VR glasses. This is more serious than I thought. (Later, Starkey returns with his VR glasses.) Those should be patched into my helmet which will allow us to witness K9’s memories.

(Starkey puts on the glasses. Gryffen puts on his helmet.)

STARKEY: Roger that.
GRYFFEN: Right. Now, K9, let’s find out what the connection between you and the STM is after all. Let’s get you back online to descramble your archives and jog that memory of yours.
K9: This dog does not jog.
GRYFFEN: All right, let’s start at the beginning when you first came through the STM.
STARKEY: You were fighting the Jixen Warriors, remember? You looked a bit different then. Really like a dog.
K9: This unit is a dog. Woof woof.
STARKEY: He’s going to really dislike himself when he remembers this.

[Memory; the main hall]

(K9 appears through the STM portal, surrounded by Jixen who are advancing upon Starkey.)

K9: Alien threat detected! Humans in danger! Course of action: attack. (Starts spinning and firing at the Jixen.) Victory improbable. Humans, evacuate! Humans, evacuate! Extreme action imminent!

(Gryffen gets Starkey to the front door.)

STARKEY: We can’t just leave him!
GRYFFEN: We have to!
STARKEY: No!
K9: Self-destruct commenced! 3, 2, 1!

(Gryffen pulls Starkey outside.)

[Present; the laboratory]

STARKEY: K9, you self-destructed and you saved us.
GRYFFEN: And you sustained no damage when you came through the portal. However, you then changed.

[Memory; the main hall]

(Starkey and Jorjie are looking at K9’s remains.)

JORJIE: He was being our friend, Starkey. He destroyed the creatures.

(Starkey kneels down by K9.)

STARKEY: And himself. For us. He protected us.

[Present; the laboratory]

K9: Sacrifice was necessary. My regeneration unit was activated.

[Memory; the main hall]

(Starkey, Jorjie, Darius and Gryffen watch as K9 regenerates.
K9: G’day mates. Bonjour. (Speaks in other languages.)
GRYFFEN: That’s extraordinary.

(K9 activates his K9 Mark 2 operational system, runs a diagnostic and remembers Starkey. He keeps speaking in different languages.)

K9: Hello.
JORJIE: He’s going to fire again.
STARKEY: He’s not.

[Present; the laboratory]

STARKEY: You met the professor and me, Starkey.
K9: Starkey?

[Memory; the laboratory]

GRYFFEN: When he first regenerated. He’s remembering Starkey as the one who saved his regeneration unit. That’s what he said to him at the time. Starkey, he’s remembering you. Say it again.
STARKEY: No. Good dog. Heel, boy.

(K9’s systems recognise Starkey and identify him as “YOUNG MASTER”.)

K9: Disarm. (Starkey strokes K9’s chin.) Yes, young master.

[Present; the laboratory]

K9: Young master. Walkies, young master.
GRYFFEN: I think it’s best if we play along until his memory returns. STARKEY: Right. That’s right, K9, I’m your master but we’re not going for walkies now. Who else do you remember?
GRYFFEN: Jorjie? Darius?

[Memory; ice works]

(Darius and Jorjie are looking down a corridor. Darius sees K9.)

DARIUS: Hey.
JORJIE: K9. Where’s Starkey?
K9: I told him to run. But would he listen?
JORJIE: Where is he?
K9: Yonder, partner.

(Darius looks into the next room. Gryffen is confined to a bed and being leeched by a Korven. Starkey is also confined.)

DARIUS: Okay, you tin mutt. It’s zapping time.
K9: Zap. That’s a funny word.
JORJIE: K9, we need you. Gryffen needs you. Starkey needs you.
K9: Starkey?
JORJIE: That’s right. Starkey.
K9: Must focus.
DARIUS: Yeah, come on.
K9: Phosphane dangerous to unit. Self-protection protocol engaged. Shutting down.
JORJIE: K9!
GRYFFEN: Mina! Jacob! No!
JORJIE: Don’t!
DARIUS: Right, that’s it, Phosphane Breath. Wake up in there! (He enters the room and shines his torch in the Korven’s face.) Yeah, that’s right, you, Icicle Butt. (The Korven does not react. Darius picks up and smashes the Korven’s cannister.) How about that? That get your attention?

(The Korven stops leeching. K9 and Jorjie enter.)

STARKEY: K9! K9! We need you, K9!
K9: Must override self-protection protocol. Time for skates on.
JORJIE: K9, fire!
K9: Fire? Everybody out!

(Darius wrestles with the Korven.)

STARKEY: K9, your photon beam. Fire your photon beam!

(K9 fires at the Korven, who explodes.)

[Present; the laboratory]

(K9’s head is moving about.)

STARKEY: Now what’s happening?
GRYFFEN: I don’t know.
STARKEY: K9, what’s going on?
GRYFFEN: It’s the STM. I think he’s afraid of something.
STARKEY: Yeah, but afraid of what?

[Memory; Wardrobe]

(K9 is in a black void.)

K9: Did you see that?

[Memory; Yard]

STARKEY: Did we see what?
JORJIE: What are we looking for, K9?

[Memory; Wardrobe]

(A creature keeps appearing and disappearing.)

K9: There is something down here with me.

[Memory; Yard]

STARKEY: Is it alien?

[Memory; Wardrobe]

(The creature comes into view.)

K9: It’s a Jixen Warrior!

[Memory; Yard]

JORJIE: A Jixen?

[Memory; Wardrobe]

K9: I don’t know what to do.
STARKEY: (Over communicator) Don’t fight the fear. That just gives it power.
K9: I have no way of dealing with it. System error, system error, system error, system error, system error.

[Present; the laboratory]

K9: Keep back, or else this unit will incapacitate you.
GRYFFEN: Whatever you’re experiencing, it’s not real. It’s like a dream.
K9: Dogs don’t dream.
STARKEY: You’ve certainly had your share of puppy dreams.

[Memory; the main hall]

GRYFFEN: Destroy it. Destroy the obelisk and the Bodach’s link to our world will be gone.

(The screen shows K9’s view of June approaching the idol.)

K9: I can’t do that. Inspector Turner is too close to the obelisk. I can’t endanger the inspector by blasting with my cannon.

[Memory; Excavation site]

(June inserts the Eye of Oblivion into the idol’s empty socket.)

K9: I’ll try ramming the obelisk instead. (He flies at the idol, but a force field knocks him down.) Weapons offline. My photon capacitor needs to power up.

[Memory; the main hall]

GRYFFEN: Oh, fig.
JORJIE: Oh, no. This is all wrong. I can’t just stay here and let her do this.

(Jorjie grabs the Bodach mask.)

STARKEY: Jorjie, wait! What are you doing?
JORJIE: I’m going into Mum’s nightmare.
STARKEY: No!

(Jorjie puts the mask on.)

[Memory; dream forest]

(Jorjie removes the mask.)

JORJIE: Okay, girl. You can do this. Just concentrate. This is your dream. You call the shots. (June is stood near the idol.) Mum! Mum! It’s me, Jorjie. Mum, you have to look at me. Look!

(June turns around.)

JUNE: Jorjie Louise Turner, what do you call that? (She notices that Jorjie has a heart tattoo with Darius’s name in it.) A tattoo!? How could you!? You’re only fourteen and… Darius!? What were you thinking?!
JORJIE: Gotcha.

(Jorjie pinches June’s hand.)

[Memory; excavation site]

(June wakes up.)

JUNE: Jorjie?
K9: Inspector! Inspector Turner! Inspector Turner! Quick!
JUNE: K9? What’s happening?
K9: The crystal! Remove the crystal! (June removes the crystal.) Now run!

(K9 flies upwards. June runs away. Once she has gotten away from the idol, K9 shoots and destroys it.)

[Present; the laboratory]

K9: This dog is dangerous.

(He growls.)

[Memory; storage facility]

DARIUS: Well, if everyone’s finished. Can’t have a dirty sewer.
JORJIE: How’s K9?
STARKEY: Defragging.
JORJIE: Do you think it’s possible K9 really did assassinate that galactic dude?
STARKEY: No way.
DARIUS: Yeah! We don’t even know what he did before he came here. He doesn’t even know himself.
STARKEY: Has he even done one suspicious thing since he’s been here?
DARIUS: Oh, right, yeah. Oh, he’s so gentle. He wouldn’t hurt a fly. You watch, one day you’ll be petting him and he’ll go chomp. “Where’d me arm go?”
STARKEY: He’s not a killer. I know him.
DARIUS: Chomp.
JORJIE: Give it a rest, you two. I need my sleep. (Starkey turns off a glowing ball and then goes to turn off a lantern.) Uh, let’s not.

(They go to sleep. K9 remembers Zanthus and seeing a pile of his remains.)

K9: This unit is guilty. This unit is a murderer.

[Present; the laboratory]

K9: You think this dog is a murderer?

(He powers up his cannon.)

GRYFFEN: No! (K9 turns around and fires at the STM, switching it off.) K9, you almost hit the STM! You could have destroyed any chance we have of figuring out your connection to it! And of getting you back to your own time!
K9: I do not remember my own time. Woof. I am only a dog.
STARKEY: You’re not only a dog. You’re K9 and you have to help us help you.
K9: Protect humans?

[Memory; sewer]

(Darius and Jorjie enter. Darius is carrying a case.)

JORJIE: So, now what?

(Thorne arrives, carrying a case.)

THORNE: I want to see the card.
K9: Don’t you trust us, Inspector?
THORNE: Oh, don’t take it personally. I don’t trust anybody.
DARIUS: Come and feast your eyes.

(Darius puts down his case.)

THORNE: Won’t I need interrupter goggles?
JORJIE: Where are my manners? Clean slipped my mind.

(Jorjie hands Thorne a pair of goggles. He puts them on.)

DARIUS: Inspect this, Inspector.

(Darius opens the case. The Ukkan library card within starts to suck Thorne in.)

THORNE: Double-crossers!

(Thorne is pulled inside. Darius closes the case.)

K9: Happy landings!

[Present; the laboratory]

K9: Who is this tall human and why do I feel like biting him?
GRYFFEN: Thorne.
STARKEY: He’s a Department inspector.
K9: What is the Department?
GRYFFEN: How can you forget the Department after all the things they’ve done to disrupt our work?
K9: They are all enemies? Woof.
GRYFFEN: No. No, not all of them.

[Memory; Starkey’s bedroom]

(The lights go out.)

JORJIE: Great, mood lighting. My mum should be calling right about now. (Her communicator rings. She answers.)

[Memory; camo]

JORJIE: (On communicator) Yes, Mum?
JUNE: Just making sure you’re safe.
JORJIE: (On communicator) I’m fine. How could I not be when you and the rest of the Department are out there keeping London clean from alien trash?
JUNE: Well, I’m glad you approve of my work. I knew you’d come around.

[Memory; Starkey’s bedroom]

DARIUS: I bet her lie detector’s going like the clappers!

[Memory; Camo]

DRAKE: June Turner. Aren’t you lucky to have time for personal calls? Who is it you’re talking to?
JUNE: Oops, electrical interference. You’re cutting out.

(June ends the call.)

[Memory; the laboratory]

JUNE: K9 is an alien presence and, as such, is under the control of the Department. My section, not Security. Gryffen, I’m giving you responsibility. This is now officially the K9 Unit, answerable directly to me in all matters, including my daughter’s safety.

[Present; the laboratory]

GRYFFEN: Yes, June. I have great respect for her.
K9: Short-term memory is incomplete it is incomplete. The STM!

(K9 starts glitching again.)

STARKEY: Professor, he’s doing it again.
GRYFFEN: It’s beyond me.

(The STM powers up again.)

K9: The directives from the STM are in conflict with my programming.
GRYFFEN: Directives from the STM?
STARKEY: What does that mean?
K9: It means my existence here is an error. The logical solution is to self-destruct. Countdown commencing. 60 seconds. 59. 58. 57.
GRYFFEN: No, not again.

(Starkey and Gryffen back away into the main hall.)

K9: 5. 4. 3. 2.
GRYFFEN: Stop this countdown now! You control you directives, not the STM! You’re being totally illogical!

(K9 flies up from behind them.)

K9: To say I am illogical is illogical.
STARKEY: Really? Illogical? Because right now you think you’re a dog.
GRYFFEN: Remember the Anubians? They had you believing that you were a god.
STARKEY: Totally illogical!
K9: As a cybernetic sentient dog, to a lesser species I would be a god. The logic is sound. Good dog.

[Memory; The main hall]

(Darius enters through the front door. Gryffen is playing a mandolin and Nehekta and Geb are stood nearby.)

DARIUS: Prof, about before, I… Are you wearing eye makeup? (He notices Starkey and Jorjie in Egyptian garb and makeup, fanning K9.) Oh, you can’t be serious. Don’t tell me they got you guys too? Starkey? Jorjie? Jorjie, please. It’s me, Darius.
NEHETKA: Didn’t you get the message? Tell him, human.
GRYFFEN: You’re not wanted here.
DARIUS: K9. Say something, K9. Answer me!
K9: Hm? Hm? Morning, Darius. Sorry, I didn’t hear you. Running these deep memory scans doesn’t allow my scant processing power to concentrate on anything else.
DARIUS: K9, you have to listen to me. There is something terribly wrong going on here.
NEHETKA: Ignore the child.
DARIUS: I’ve figured it all out. This is not the real professor and neither are those two sandal jockeys pretending to be Starkey and Jorjie. These creeps replaced them all with robots or something. They’re pod people or they’re clones or something. (Starkey, Jorjie, Gryffen, Nehetka and Geb laugh.) This isn’t a joke, K9, I swear! Just scan them for yourself. Please. Well? Did you do it? I’m right, aren’t I? They’re pod people. Just tell me I’m right.
K9: I really don’t understand you sometimes.
DARIUS: No, K9, wait. Please. Hey!
K9: Recalibrating Boolean logic tables. Refining deep memory search. Searching.

(Nehetka and Geb grab Darius.)

GEB: Your audience with the almighty K9 is at an end.
DARIUS: Yeah, yeah. I’m going.

(Darius shakes himself free and leaves.)

NEHETKA: A slight attitude adjustment and he’d make a fine court jester.

[Present; the laboratory]

K9: STM programme conflict. Logical procedure is to totally erase memory and reboot drive.
STARKEY: No, K9.
GRYFFEN: K9, you must remember this.

(He bounces a ball.)

K9: I… think I remember.

[Memory; The laboratory / bin]

(Gryffen is pacing in the laboratory. K9 is in a bin on a street.)

GRYFFEN: Oh, come on, K9! (He looks at the moving picture of his family, then walks up to the screen.) Now, you listen to me. If you survive this and they don’t, you’ll never forgive yourself. You’ll never get past that you weren’t there for them. Listen to this and try and resist. (He starts bouncing a ball.) Come on!
K9: Professor.

(Gryffen stops bouncing the ball.)

GRYFFEN: K9! You’re alive.

(K9 flies out of the bin.)

K9: Of course I’m alive! My living metal frame required downtime to attune to the energy signatures of the Department’s weaponry. My combat conditioning system has now done its job.
GRYFFEN: And what are you waiting for?! The boys are trapped in Dauntless Prison!

(K9 flies to Dauntless Prison.)

[Present; the laboratory]

GRYFFEN: You are a machine, not a dog.

(He throws the ball. K9 chases it.)

K9: Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. (He drops the ball on the table in front of Gryffen.) A machine? You are friends of a machine?
STARKEY: Yes, you have been to. See if you can remember them.

[Memory; gladiator pit]

(A box is opened and K9 falls out. He meets Chuckles and Boris, two robot clowns.)

CHUCKLES: Oh, hello, pup. Hey, come on, refuelling’s almost over. Look, Boris. We’ve got a pup.
K9: I am not a pup. Refuelling? Excuse me, but I think there’s been some kind of mistake. I’m supposed to be delivered to the gladiator pens.
CHUCKLES: Well, this is it.
K9: Right. And where exactly are the gladiators?

(Boris squeezes his horn several times.)

CHUCKLES: Ah, you could be onto something there, Boris. It makes sense that a robot dog’s not going to be all that smart.
K9: Excuse me!
CHUCKLES: It’s okay, pup. The gladiators are both here. This is Boris and I’m Chuckles.
K9: You are the gladiators? But you’re just a couple of clowns.
CHUCKLES: How did you guess that?
K9: A wild guess.
CHUCKLES: And a pretty good one. Boris and me did used to be clowns, but no point talking about what once was. Freddie owns all of us now which means we’re gladiators, like it or not. Same goes for you, pup. The sooner you learn to accept that… (There is a crash. The Pain-Maker enters.) Who’s there? The champion!
K9: Champion?

(The Pain-Maker starts smashing things.)

CHUCKLES: The Pain-Maker!

[Present; the laboratory]

K9: Chuckles, from Crash Club.
GRYFFEN: Yes! You became his friend just as you’ve become our friends. We’re all in this together.
K9: Together?
STARKEY: Yes, K9. Together.
GRYFFEN: K9, you have to override the directive from the STM. I’m going to hook you back up again.
STARKEY: Sounds like there’s a “but” in there.
K9: This unit does not have a…

(Starkey connects K9 to the STM.)

GRYFFEN: But, you could risk losing all of your memory. Everything.
STARKEY: You’ll forget us.
K9: This unit has made its choice. This dog must override the directives. The STM is not my master.
GRYFFEN: Full power.

(Gryffen presses some buttons. There is an explosion.)

STARKEY: K9? K9? Here, boy. Good dog.

(K9 appears.)

K9: This unit is a cybernetic construction containing quantum consciousness. I am capable of logical deduction. I am not a dog.
GRYFFEN: Thank heavens! K9, I’m afraid we may never know how the STM did this to you. It’s too dangerous to find out.
K9: This unit does not have to risk remembering its part. This unit may not be a dog but remembers it is a faithful friend.
STARKEY AND GRYFFEN: Affirmative.

Transcript originally provided by Chrissie. Adapted by TARDIS.guide. The transcripts are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.