Let’s Kill Hitler

[Car]

(Rory is driving through a corn field very fast. Amy is navigating by tulip symbols, like on a road rally.)

AMY: Okay, left. Sharp turn! Okay, right. No, no, no, I mean left. No, sorry, right, right. I definitely meant right. Now loop the loop.

(More corn gets crushed beneath the tyres.)

AMY: Stop! Stop!

(And there, in the middle of the crop circle they have just made, is the TARDIS. The Doctor comes out, holding a copy of the Leadworth Chronicle with the headline Leadworth's Crop Circle.)

DOCTOR: Seriously?

(They have made the word Doctor in the field.)

RORY: Well, you never answer your phone.
AMY: Okay, you've had all summer. Have you found her? Have you found Melody?
DOCTOR: Permission?
RORY: Granted.

(The Doctor gives the newspaper to Rory and hugs Amy.)

DOCTOR: You know who she grows up to be, so you know I will find her.
AMY: But you haven't yet.
RORY: Hang on. What's this bit?

(There is a line through the middle of their crop design in the photograph.)

AMY: That wasn't us.

(Another car is driving towards them through the corn.)

ALL: Argh!

(They dive for safety as the Chevrolet Corvette skids to a halt by the TARDIS. A young woman gets out wearing a River Song type costume.)

MELS: You said he was funny. You never said he was hot.
RORY: Mels!
AMY: What are you doing here?
MELS: Following you. What do you think?
RORY: Er, where did you get the car?

(Police sirens in the distance.)

MELS: It's mine. Ish.
AMY: Oh, Mels, not again.
RORY: You can't keep doing this. You're going to end up in prison.
DOCTOR: Sorry. Hello. Doctor not following this. Doctor very lost. You never said I was hot?
MELS: Is that the phone box? The bigger on the inside phone box? Oh, time travel. That's just brilliant. Yeah, I've heard a lot about you. I'm their best mate.
DOCTOR: Then why don't I know you? I danced with everyone at the wedding. The women were all brilliant. The men were a bit shy.
MELS: I don't do weddings.

(The sirens get closer.)

MELS: And that's me out of time.

(Mels pulls a gun on the Doctor.)

AMY: Mels!
RORY: For God's sake!
AMY: What are you doing?
MELS: I need out of here, now.

(A helicopter is coming, too.)

DOCTOR: Anywhere in particular?
MELS: Well, let's see. You've got a time machine, I've got a gun. What the hell. Let's kill Hitler.

[Amy's bedroom]

(Back when they were children. Amelia is getting her Doctor toys out of a cardboard box.)

YOUNG MELS: Is he hot?
AMELIA: No, he's funny.
YOUNG MELS: But how can he travel in time?
AMELIA: Because he's got a time machine, stupid.

(A little boy enters.)

YOUNG RORY: I thought we were playing hide and seek. I've been hiding for hours.
AMELIA: Well, we just haven't found you yet.
YOUNG RORY: Okay. Hi, Mels.
YOUNG MELS: Hi, Rory.

(Young Rory leaves.)

[Classroom]

WOMAN TEACHER: Mels, did you not understand the question? I'm asking you why the Titanic sank?
YOUNG MELS: Because the Doctor didn't save it. Except you don't know about the Doctor because you're stupid.

[School]

(Mels leaves the Headmaster's Study.)

AMELIA: Why are you always in trouble? You're the most in trouble in the whole school, except for boys.
YOUNG MELS: And you.
AMELIA: I count as a boy.

(Rory is blindfolded for a game that they were playing earlier.)

YOUNG RORY: Am I getting warm?
AMELIA: Yes, Rory.

[Classroom]

(The children are now teenagers.)

TEACHER: Mels?
MELS: A significant factor in Hitler's rise to power was the fact that the Doctor didn't stop him.

[School]

(After another visit to the Headmaster.)

AMY: I can't keep doing this.

[Police station]

(Mels is let out of a cell. They've all left school by now.)

AMY: Mels!

[Amy's bedroom]

MELS: It was late. I took a bus.
RORY: Er, you stole a bus.
AMY: Who steals a bus?
MELS: I returned it.
RORY: You drove it through the Botanical garden.
MELS: Short cut.
AMY: Why can't you just act like a person? Like a normal legal person?
MELS: I don't know, maybe I need a Doctor.
AMY: Stop it.
RORY: Er, I'd better go. I'm on earlies tomorrow.
AMY: Okay.
MELS: It's all right for you. You've got Mister Perfect keeping you right.
AMY: He's not even real. Just a stupid dream when I was a kid.
MELS: No, I wasn't talking about him.
AMY: What, Rory? How have I got Rory?
RORY: Yeah, how, how's she got me?
AMY: He's not mine.
RORY: No. No. I'm not hers.
MELS: Oh, come on. Seriously, it's got to be you two. Oh, cut to the song. It's getting boring.
AMY: Nice thought, okay, but completely impossible.
RORY: Yeah, impossible.
AMY: I mean, I'd love to. He's gorgeous. He's my favourite guy. But he's, you know
RORY: A friend.
AMY: Gay.
RORY: I'm not gay.
AMY: Yes, you are.
RORY: No. No, I'm not.
AMY: Course you are. Don't be stupid. In the whole time I've known you, when have you shown any interest in a girl?
MELS: Penny in the air.
AMY: I mean, I've known you for, what, ten years? I've seen you practically every day. Name one girl you've paid the slightest bit of attention to?

(Rory flees.)

AMY: Oh, my God! Rory!

(Amy runs after him.)

MELS: And the penny drops.
AMY [OC]: Rory!
MELS: Catch you later, Time Boy.

[TARDIS]

(The TARDIS is out of control.)

DOCTOR: You've shot it! You shot my TARDIS! You shot the console!
MELS: It's your fault!
DOCTOR: Argh! How's it my fault?
MELS: You said guns didn't work in this place. You said we're in a state of temporal grace.
DOCTOR: That was a clever lie, you idiot! Anyone could tell that was a clever lie.

[Teselecta]

(Berlin, 1938. A cleaner turns to watch an Nazi General walking down a corridor in the Reich Chancellory with a creak and click of gears. A man watches through its eyes on a bank of monitors.)

CARTER: Okay, we like him.
ANITA: Costume want to know about the suit.
CARTER: Just colour and shape. Don't need anything detachable.
JIM: Musculature good to go.
CARTER: That was quick.
JIM: They're showing off. Art department want to talk skin tone.
HARRIET: Yes, I do. I don't trust the sensors, I want to take a look myself.
JIM: We're in a hurry. We're not trying to win an award.
HARRIET: Yeah, that's what you said when we made Rasputin green.
CARTER: Okay, get your fat one up there. Run!
HARRIET: Yes, Captain.
CARTER: Harriet's going to eyeball. Everyone else, good to go, please.

[Office]

(The General is going through a filing cabinet when the cleaner enters.)

ZIMMERMAN: What do you want? What are you doing?

[Teselecta]

ANITA: Musculature online.
JIM: Five foot eleven, confirmed.

(The cleaner grows to the same height as the General.)

CARTER: Harriet, are you up there yet?

(Harriet's wrist monitor goes red.)

ANTIBODY: Welcome. You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented.
CARTER: Harriet, have you updated your privileges?

[Teselecta eye level]

HARRIET: Yes, of course I have.

(The monitor turns green again.)

HARRIET: Look, I'm staff, see? Look, staff!
ANTIBODY: You are authorised. Your existence will continue.

[Office]

ZIMMERMAN: I don't understand.

(The cleaner's overalls transform into a replica of his uniform.)

[Teselecta eye level]

CARTER [OC]: Harriet, shift!
HARRIET: Five seconds to eyeball.

(Harriet opens the internal shield and looks out of the pupil.)

HARRIET: Shades forty four to eighty nine, peaking at sixty. Standard density. He's sweating a bit, so compensate.

[Office]

ZIMMERMAN: What are you?

[Teselecta]

CARTER: All hands, prepare for tessellation. Prepare for tessellation.

(The cleaner transforms into a duplicate General Zimmerman. He slumps back against the filing cabinet as the double reaches for him, and takes his glasses.)

CARTER: Okay, clean up.

(A beam of light from the Teselecta's eye transports the General onto the eye level catwalk.)

ZIMMERMAN: Argh!
CARTER: Who is he?
ANITA: Eric Zimmerman. Loyal member of the Nazi Party. Guilty of Category Three hate crimes.
CARTER: Well, then. Leave him to the Antibodies.

[Teselecta eye level]

(The Antibodies look like metallic jellyfish.)

ANTIBODY: Welcome. You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented. Welcome. You will experience a tingling sensation and then death. Remain calm while your life is extracted.

(Zimmerman vanishes with a scream.)

[Hitler's work study]

HITLER: What do you want? Who let you in here?

(Faux Zimmerman strides forward.)

[Teselecta]

(The Captain's coffee cup falls of the arm of his chair.)

CARTER: What's wrong with the shock absorbers?
JIM: Problem in the knees.
CARTER: Let's hope we don't have to run.

[Hitler's work study]

ZIMMERMAN: Do not call for help. This room has been sound screened. You have been found guilty. Justice mode activating.

(White light streams from the Teselecta to Hitler.)

[Teselecta]

JIM: Hang on! This is 1938. We're too early. We need to go later in his time stream.
ANITA: Something else. We've got incoming!
CARTER: On screen. What the hell is that?

[Hitler's work study]

(The TARDIS crashes through the windows of the Chancellery, knocking the Teselecta over.)

DOCTOR: Out, out, out! Everybody out. Don't breathe the smoke, just get out!
AMY: Where are we?
DOCTOR: A room.
RORY: What room?
DOCTOR: I don't know what room. I haven't memorised every room in the universe yet. I had yesterday off. Mels, don't go in there.

(The Doctor takes Mels' gun away.)

MELS: Oi.
DOCTOR: Bad smoke. Don't breathe the bad, bad, smoke. Bad, deadly smoke because somebody shot my TARDIS!

(Rory has gone to Zimmerman.)

RORY: Doctor. This guy, I think he's hurt.

[Teselecta]

CARTER: Transmit normal life signs!
JIM: Artificial gravity holding, but we should get upright when we can.

[Hitler's work study]

RORY: No, hang on. No, he's fine.

(The Doctor puts the gun in a fruit bowl. It's owner gets up from behind his desk.)

DOCTOR: Ooo, hello. Sorry, is this your office? Had a sort of collision with my vehicle. Faults on both sides, let's say no more about-

(Then they sees who he is talking to)

DOCTOR: It.
RORY: Who?
AMY: Is that? No, it can't be, Doctor?
HITLER: Thank you, whoever you are. I think you have just saved my life.
DOCTOR: Believe me, it was an accident.
HITLER: What is this thing?
AMY: What did he mean, we saved his life? We could not have just saved Hitler.
DOCTOR: You see? You see? Time travel, it never goes to plan.
HITLER: This box. What is it?
DOCTOR: It's a police telephone box from London, England. That's right, Adolf. The British are coming.

(Zimmerman stands up.)

HITLER: No, stop him!

(The Doctor ducks as Hitler shoots Zimmerman.)

[Teselecta]

CARTER: Damage report! Damage report!

[Hitler's work study]

(Rory punches Hitler and grabs his gun.)

RORY: Sit still, shut up.

(Amy goes to Zimmerman.)

AMY: Are you okay?

(Carter uses the speaker.)

ZIMMERMAN: Yes, yes. Yes, I'm fine. I think he missed.
HITLER: He was going to kill me.
RORY: Shut up, Hitler!
DOCTOR: Rory, take Hitler and put him in that cupboard over there. Now do it.
RORY: Right. Putting Hitler in the cupboard. Cupboard, Hitler. Hitler, cupboard. Come on.
HITLER: But I am the Fuhrer!
RORY: Right, in you go!
HITLER: Who are you?

(Rory shuts Hitler in a large cupboard lined with shelves.)

[Teselecta]

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: Are you okay?
ANITA: Sir, what do we do know?
JIM: Suggestion, we should go into surveillance mode.
CARTER: Agreed. Let's faint.

[Hitler's work study]

ZIMMERMAN: Oh, I-
RORY: I think he just fainted.
DOCTOR: Yes, that was a faint. A perfect faint.
AMY: Mels?
MELS: Hitler
DOCTOR: What about him?
MELS: Lousy shot.

(Mels collapses, clutching her side.)

AMY: Mels! Mels!
DOCTOR: Rory!
RORY: No, no, no, no! I've got to stop the bleeding.

[Teselecta]

JIM: Sir, that blue box. I've got a match. We're trying to bag war criminals, we've got the biggest one ever right under our noses. Forget Hitler. If we take this one down, the Justice Department will give us the rest of the year off.
CARTER: Are you sure?
JIM: There's no question. It's her.
AMY: How bad is it? Rory, what can we do?
RORY: Just keep her conscious. Stay with us, Mels.
DOCTOR: Hey, look at me. Just hold on.
MELS: I used to dream about you. All those stories Amy used to tell me.
DOCTOR: What stories? Tell me what stories. Vampires in Venice. That's a belter.
MELS: When I was little, I was going to marry you.
DOCTOR: Good idea, let's get married. You stay alive and I'll marry you, deal? Deal?
MELS: Shouldn't you ask my parents permission?
DOCTOR: As soon as you're well, I'll get on the phone.
MELS: Might as well do it now, since they're both right here. Penny in the air. Penny drops.

(Mels begins to regenerate.)

RORY: What the hell's going on?
DOCTOR: Back! Back! Back! Get back!
MELS: Last time I did this, I ended up a toddler in the middle of New York.
AMY: Okay, Doctor, explain what is happening, please.
DOCTOR: Mels. Short for-
MELS: Melody.
AMY: Yeah. I named my daughter after her.
DOCTOR: You named your daughter after your daughter.
MELS: It took me years to find you two. I'm so glad I did. And you see? It all worked out in the end, didn't it. You got to raise me after all.
AMY: You're Melody?
RORY: But if she's Melody, that means that she's also-
MELS: Shut up, Dad. I'm focusing on a dress size.

(And Mels transforms into -)

RIVER: Oh! Oh! Oh! Whoa! Right, let's see, then. Ooo, it's all going on down there, isn't it? The hair! Oh, the hair. It just doesn't stop, does it? Look at that. Everything changes. Oh, but I love it. I love it! I'm all sort of mature.

(She strikes a Mrs Robinson pose.)

RIVER: Hello, Benjamin.
DOCTOR: Who's Benjamin?
RIVER: The teeth. The teeth, the teeth! Oh, look at them.

(River pins the Doctor against Hitler's desk.)

RIVER: Watch out that bow tie. Excuse me, you lot. I need to weigh myself.

(She runs off into a side room.)

AMY: That's Melody.
RORY: That's River Song.
RIVER: Who's River Song?
DOCTOR: Spoilers.
RIVER: Spoilers? What's spoilers? Hang on, just something I have to check.
RORY: Is anybody else finding today just a bit difficult? I'm getting a sort of banging in my head.
AMY: Yeah, I think that's Hitler in the cupboard.
RORY: That's not helping.
DOCTOR: This isn't the River Song we know yet. This is her right at the start. Doesn't even know her own name.
RIVER [OC]: Oh, that's magnificent!
RIVER: I'm going to wear lots of jodhpurs.

[Teselecta]

CARTER: Well, that's her all right. Melody Pond, the woman who kills the Doctor.

[Hitler's work study]

RIVER: Well, now, enough of all that. Down to business.

(She has somehow got Hitler's gun.)

DOCTOR: Oh, hello. I thought we were getting married.
RIVER: I told you I'm not a wedding person.
RORY: Doctor, what's she doing?
DOCTOR: What she's programmed to.
RORY: Where'd she get the gun?
DOCTOR: Hello, Benjamin.
RIVER [memory]: Hello, Benjamin!

(She picked it up from the chair.)

RIVER: You noticed.

(She tries to fire it, but the chambers are empty.)

DOCTOR: Of course I noticed.

(He took the bullets out while she was regenerating.)

DOCTOR: As soon as I knew you were coming, I tidied up a bit.
RIVER: I know you did.
RIVER [memory]: Watch out that bow tie.

(She spotted the gun in the fruit bowl.)

DOCTOR: I know you know.

(He turns the bowl and she points a banana at him instead.)

RIVER: Goodness, is killing you going to take all day?
DOCTOR: Why? Are you busy?
RIVER: Oh, I'm not complaining.

(She grabs a letter opener and he sonicks it away.)

DOCTOR: If you were in a hurry, you could've killed me in the cornfield.
RIVER: We'd only just met. I'm a psychopath. I'm not rude.

(She grabs Zimmerman's automatic, but the Doctor has the clip.)

AMY: You are not a psychopath. Why would she be a psychopath?
RIVER: Oh, Mummy, Mummy, pay attention. I was trained and conditioned for one purpose. I was born to kill the Doctor.
DOCTOR: Demons Run, remember? This is what they were building. My bespoke psychopath.
RIVER: I'm all yours, sweetie.

(She kisses him lightly.)

DOCTOR: Only River Song gets to call me that.
RIVER: And who's River Song?
DOCTOR: An old friend of mine.
RIVER: Stupid name. Oh, look at that. Berlin on the eve of war. A whole world about to tear itself apart. Now that's my kind of town. Mum, Dad, don't follow me. And, yes, that is a warning.
DOCTOR: No warning for me then?
RIVER: No need, my love. The deed is done and so are you.

(The Doctor staggers.)

AMY: Doctor, what's wrong?
DOCTOR: What have you done? River!
RIVER: Oh, River, River, River. More than a friend, I think.
DOCTOR: What have you done?
RIVER: It was never going to be a gun for you, Doctor. The man of peace who understands every kind of warfare, except, perhaps, the cruellest.
RIVER [memory]: I'm all yours, sweetie.
RIVER: Kiss, kiss.

(River jumps out of the broken window.)

RORY: What's wrong with you? What's she done to you?
DOCTOR: Poisoned me. But I'm fine. Well, no, I'm dying, but I've got a plan.
AMY: What plan?
DOCTOR: Not dying. See? Fine.

[Teselecta]

ANITA: Scanning him. He's dying all right.
JIM: But he can't be.

[Hitler's work study]

RORY: Okay, what do we do? How do we help you?
DOCTOR: Take this. The TARDIS can home in on it. Now, go. Get after her.

(The Doctor gives Amy the screwdriver. Rory looks out of the first floor window onto the street.)

[Wilhelmstrasse]

(An officer and five soldiers stop River at gunpoint.)

OFFICER: Halt!
RIVER: Hello, boys.

[Hitler's work study]

AMY: You said the smoke was deadly.
DOCTOR: No, no, the smoke's fine. The poison will kill me first. Now, get after River!
AMY: I don't understand, okay? One minute she's going to marry you and then she's going to kill you.
DOCTOR: Ah, well, she's been brainwashed. It all makes sense to her. Plus, she is a woman. Oh, shut up. I'm dying.

[TARDIS]

DOCTOR: Extractor fans on! Oh, that works.

[Wilhelmstrasse]

OFFICER: What are you doing here?
RIVER: Well, I was on my way to this gay Gypsy Bar-Mitzvah for the disabled, when I thought gosh, the Third Reich's a bit rubbish. I think I'll kill the Fuhrer. Who's with me?
OFFICER: Shoot her.

(Rory watches as the soldiers fire lots of bullets.)

RORY: No!
RIVER: Tip for you all. Never shoot a girl while she's regenerating.

(River blasts them with her golden energy then takes their weapons.)

RIVER: Ah! Now, that hit the spot. Thanks, boys. Call me.

(River gets on a motorbike.)

AMY: What are you doing?
RIVER: New body, new town. I'm going shopping.

(River drives away. A soldier come out on another bike.)

RIVER: Look, I know how this looks. Let me explain everything from the beginning.

(The soldier starts to try and get his gun from its holster.)

RORY: Heil!
SOLDIER: Heil!

(Rory hits him.)

RORY: Come on!
AMY: Can you ride a motorbike?
RORY: I expect so. It's that sort of day.

(They drive off and the soldier gets up. It is -)

[Teselecta]

CARTER: Okay. This time, let's do the bike, too.

(They grow a motorbike and drive off after Rory and Amy and River.)

JIM: You see, he can't be dying.
CARTER: But the Doctor is confirmed deceased. We have his records.
JIM: But he doesn't die here. He dies in Utah, by Lake Silencio, April the twenty second, 2011.
ANITA: Time can be rewritten. Remember Kennedy?
JIM: This time can't. It's a confirmed fixed point. The Doctor must always die exactly then. He always has and he always will.
CARTER: Then someone's screwed up, because he's dying right now.

[TARDIS]

(The Doctor is on his knees.)

DOCTOR: I'm shutting down. I need an interface. Voice interface. Come on, emergency.
HOLO-DOCTOR: Voice interface enabled.
DOCTOR: Oh no, no, no, no, no. Give me someone I like.

(Holo-Rose Tyler.)

DOCTOR: Oh, thanks. Give me guilt.

(Holo-Martha Jones.)

DOCTOR: Also guilt.

(Holo-Donna Noble.)

DOCTOR: More guilt. Argh. Come on, there must be someone left in the universe I haven't screwed up yet.
HOLO-AMELIA: Voice interface enabled.
DOCTOR: Oh. Oh, Amelia Pond, before I got it all wrong. My sweet little Amelia.
HOLO-AMELIA: I am not Amelia Pond. I am a voice interface.
DOCTOR: Hey, let's run away and have adventures. Come along, Pond.
HOLO-AMELIA: I am not Amelia Pond. I am a voice interface.
DOCTOR: You are so Scottish. How am I doing?
HOLO-AMELIA: Your system has been contaminated by the poison of the Judas tree. You will be dead in thirty two minutes.
DOCTOR: Okay. So, basically better regenerate, that's what you're saying.
HOLO-AMELIA: Regeneration disabled. You will be dead in thirty two minutes.
DOCTOR: Unless I'm cured, yeah?
HOLO-AMELIA: There is no cure. You will be dead in thirty two minutes.
DOCTOR: Why do you keep saying that?
HOLO-AMELIA: Because you will be dead in thirty two minutes.
DOCTOR: You see? There you go again. Basically skipping thirty one whole minutes when I'm absolutely fine. Scottish, that's all I'm saying.
HOLO-AMELIA: You will be fine for thirty one minutes. You will be dead in thirty two minutes.
DOCTOR: Scotland's never conquered anywhere, you know. Not even a Shetland. River needs me. She's only just beginning. I can't die now.
HOLO-AMELIA: You will not die now. You will die in thirty two minutes.
DOCTOR: I'm going out in the first round. Ringing any bells? Argh! Okay, need something for the pain now. Come on, Amelia. It's me. Please.
HOLO-AMELIA: I am not Amelia Pond. I am a voice interface.
DOCTOR: Amelia, listen to me. I can be brave for you, but you have got to tell me how.
HOLO-AMELIA: I am not Amelia Pond. I am a voice interface.
DOCTOR: Amelia. Amelia, please.
HOLO-AMELIA: Fish fingers and custard.
DOCTOR: What did you say? Fish fingers and custard? Oh, Amelia Pond. Fish fingers and custard. Fish fingers and custard!

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

(The elite of Berlin are wining and dining in style as a string quartet plays. Their pleasure is interrupted by a hail of bullets.)

RIVER: Ladies and gentleman, I don't have a thing to wear. Take off your clothes.

[Outside Hotel Adlon]

RORY: Okay, all of Berlin. How do we find her?
AMY: I don't know. Look for clues.
RORY: Clues? What kind of clues?
AMY: Shut up.

(Screaming, then men and women running out of the hotel dressed only in their underwear.)

RORY: Okay.

(The Teselecta pulls up beside them. It is now a replica of Amy.)

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

RIVER: Now, look at that. Now that's fun from every angle.

(Amy enters. But which one?)

RIVER: Now dear, I told you not to follow me.

[Teselecta eye level]

RORY: Okay. Okay, I am trapped inside a giant robot replica of my wife. I'm really trying not to see this as a metaphor.
AMY: How can we be in here?
RORY: Er.
AMY: How do we fit?
RORY: Miniaturisation ray.
AMY: How would you know that?
RORY: Well, there was a ray, and we were miniaturised.
AMY: All right.
ANTIBODY: Welcome. You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented.
AMY: Er, what's that?
RORY: Er, I don't know. It's in your head.
ANTIBODY: Please remain calm while your life is terminated.
AMY: We come in peace!
RORY: When has that ever worked?
AMY: Oh, shut up!

(They try to run but are trapped.)

ANTIBODY: Please cooperate in your officially sanctioned termination. It is normal to experience fear during your incineration.
AMY: Stop or I sonic.
RORY: What are you doing?
AMY: Er, I don't know.
RORY: Okay. Psychic interface. Just point and think.
AMY: I know, but what do I think?
RORY: I don't know!

(The lift doors open. Jim is there.)

JIM: It's okay. Stay still and don't move.

(He puts green monitors on their wrists.)

JIM: Privileges activated. See? Activated.
ANTIBODY: You are authorised. Your existence will continue.
JIM: And you can put your hands down. This is Justice Department Vehicle six zero one eight. You're not guilty of anything. Welcome aboard the Teselecta.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

RIVER: I might take the age down a little, just gradually, to freak people out.
TESELECTA-AMY: You killed the Doctor.
RIVER: Oh yes, I know, dear. I hope you're not going to keep on about it. Oh, regeneration. It's a whole new colouring to work with.

(River is trying on a Luftwaffe uniform.)

TESELECTA-AMY: You killed the Doctor on the orders of the movement known as the Silence and Academy of the Question. You accept and know this to be true?
RIVER: Quite honestly, I don't really remember. It was all a bit of jumble.

(Teselecta Amy opens its mouth and a bright beam hits River's head.)

RIVER: No! No! Get off me!
DOCTOR: Sorry, did you say she killed the Doctor? The Doctor? Doctor who?

(The Doctor is leaning against his TARDIS, wearing evening clothes, top hat and carrying a cane.)

[Teselecta]

CARTER: You said he was dying.
ANITA: He is.
JIM: When you're done here, your memories will be wiped and you'll be able to-
AMY: Doctor?

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

RIVER: You're dying and you stopped to change?
DOCTOR: Oh, you should always waste time when you don't have any. Time is not the boss of you. Rule four hundred and eight. Amelia Pond, judgment death machine. Why am I not surprised? Sonic cane.
RIVER: Are you serious?

[Teselecta]

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: Never knowingly. Never knowingly be serious.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: Rule twenty seven. You might want to write these down. Oh, it's a robot.

[Teselecta]

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: With four hundred and twenty three life signs inside. A robot

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: Worked by tiny people. Love it. But how do you all get in there, though.

[Teselecta]

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: Bigger on the inside? No, basic miniaturisation sustained by a

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: Compression field. Ooo. Watch what you eat, it'll get you every time.

[Teselecta]

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: Amy, if you and Rory are okay, signal me.

(Amy activates the sonic screwdriver, and the cane lights up.)

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: Thanking you.
CARTER: How'd you do that?

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: Argh! I'm so sorry. Leg went to sleep. Just had a quick left leg power nap. I forgot I had one scheduled. Actually, better sit down. I think I heard the right one yawning.

(River tries to run. The Teselecta grabs her with its beam.)

DOCTOR: Don't you touch her! Do not harm her in any way!

(River is trapped in an energy field.)

[Teselecta]

CARTER: Why would you care? She's the women who kills you.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: I'm not dead.
TESELECTA-AMY: You're dying.
DOCTOR: Well, at least I'm not a time travelling shape shifting robot operated by miniaturised cross people, which, I have got to admit, I didn't see coming. What do you want with her?
TESELECTA-AMY: She's Melody Pond.

[Teselecta]

CARTER: According to records, the woman who kills the Doctor.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: And I'm the Doctor. So what's it to you?

[Teselecta]

CARTER: Throughout history, many criminals have gone unpunished in their lifetimes. Time travel has responsibilities.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: What? You got yourselves time travel, so you decided to punish dead people?

[Teselecta]

CARTER: We don't kill them. We extract them near the end of their established timelines.
DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: And then what?
CARTER: Give them hell.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: I'd ask you who you think you are

[Teselecta]

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: But I think the answer is pretty obvious. So, who do you think

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: I am, huh? The woman who killed the Doctor. It sounds like you've got my biography in there. I'd love a peek.

[Teselecta]

CARTER: Our records office is sealed to the public. Foreknowledge is dangerous.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

DOCTOR: Yeah, well, I'll be dead in three minutes.

[Teselecta]

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: There isn't much foreknowledge left.
CARTER: Sorry, can't do that.
AMY: That man is my best friend. That woman is my daughter. You give him anything he wants.
JIM: If she's family, she has privileges.

(Carter taps keys on Amy's green wrist band.)

JIM: Say access personal records, the Doctor.
AMY: Access personal records, the Doctor.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

TESELECTA-AMY: Records available.
DOCTOR: Question. I'm dying. Who wants me dead?
TESELECTA-AMY: The Silence.
DOCTOR: What is the Silence? Why is it called that? What does it mean?
TESELECTA-AMY: The Silence is not a species. It is a religious order, or movement. Their core belief is that silence will fall when the question is asked.
DOCTOR: What question?
TESELECTA-AMY: The first question. The oldest question in the universe, hidden in plain sight.
DOCTOR: Yes, but what is the question?
TESELECTA-AMY: Unknown.
DOCTOR: Oh. Well, fat lot of use that is, you big ginge. Call yourself a Records argh! Argh! Kidneys are always the first to quit. I've had better, you know.

[Teselecta]

ANITA: Okay, he's finished.
AMY: Oh, my God.
CARTER: Well then, let's do what we do. Give her hell.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

(The white forcefield turn to red painful energy around River.)

DOCTOR: Amy. Rory. Amy

[Teselecta]

DOCTOR [on viewscreen]: Can you hear me?
AMY: Yeah?
CARTER: You can talk to him.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

TESELECTA-AMY: What do we do?

[Teselecta]

AMY: This is me. This is me actually talking.

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

TESELECTA-AMY: What do we do?
DOCTOR: Just stop them. She's your daughter. Just stop them.

[Teselecta]

AMY: How? How?

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

TESELECTA-AMY: How?
DOCTOR: Just do it!

[Teselecta]

JIM [memory]: Privileges activated, see?
DOCTOR [memory]: She's your daughter. Just stop them.
RORY: What are you doing?
AMY: Pointing and thinking. Get ready to run.

(Amy zaps her wrist band with the sonic screwdriver. It turns red and alarms sound.)

ANTIBODY: You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented.
AMY: Okay, Captain. Release her now, or I take down the whole Teselecta.
RORY: Amy.
CARTER: You can't.
AMY: They can.

(Anita and Jim's wrist bands turn red.)

AMY: Rory, go!
ANTIBODY: All privileges withdrawn.
JIM: What have you done?
ANTIBODY: All life forms prepare for immediate decease. You will experience a tingling sensation and then death.

(Rory and Amy are in the lift. The Antibody lassoes Anita's throat.)

CARTER: Shut it down.
JIM: I'm trying!
CARTER: Shut everything down!

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

(River is released from the hell-energy.)

DOCTOR: Please. Now we have to save your parents. Don't run. Now, I know you're scared, but never run when you're scared. Rule seven. Please.

[Teselecta body]

ANTIBODY: Remain calm while your life is extracted.
AMY: Run! Keep running.
RORY: Where?
AMY: I don't know. Just run!

[Teselecta]

CARTER: Mothership! Mothership, get us out of here! Emergency beam up now! Everyone!

(Only the Antibodies remain on the bridge.)

ANTIBODY: Only two life forms remain. This will be rectified.

[Teselecta body]

AMY: Where'd everyone go?
RORY: How can they just disappear?
AMY: Doctor, can you help us? Doctor? Doctor, help us!

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

TESELECTA-AMY: Doctor, help us! Doctor, please!

(The dying Doctor struggles to his feet and tries to make his way to the TARDIS. He can't make it.)

TESELECTA-AMY: Doctor! Help!
RIVER: Look at you. You still care.
TESELECTA-AMY: Doctor, help! Doctor, help us! Please help us.
RIVER: It's impressive, I'll give you that.
DOCTOR: River, please.
RIVER: Again? Who is this River? She's got to be a woman. Am I right?
DOCTOR: Help me. Save Amy and Rory. Help me.
RIVER: Tell me about her. Go on.
DOCTOR: Just help me.

[Teselecta eye level]

(Rory and Amy are at the eyeball and surrounded by lots of Antibodies.)

ANTIBODY: You are unauthorised. You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented.
AMY: I love you.
RORY: I love you too.

(Amy and Rory hug each other, then there is the wind of a materialising TARDIS.)

ANTIBODY: You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented.

[TARDIS]

(It materialises around Amy and Rory.)

AMY: Doctor? Doctor, you did it. He did it!

(River steps out from behind the console.)

RIVER: I seem to be able to fly her. She showed me how. She taught me. The Doctor says I'm the child of the TARDIS. What does he mean?
AMY: Where is he?

[Hotel Adlon Restaurant]

AMY: You can't die now. I know you don't die now.
DOCTOR: Oh, Pond, you've got a schedule for everything.
AMY: But it doesn't make any sense.
RORY: Doctor, what do we do? Come on. How do we help you?
DOCTOR: No. Sorry, Rory, you can't. Nobody can. Ponds, listen to me. I need to talk to your daughter.

(Rory and Amy move away from the Doctor, and let River approach.)

DOCTOR: Find her. Find River Song and tell her something from me.
RIVER: Tell her what?

(The Doctor whispers in her ear.)

RIVER: Well, I'm sure she knows.

(The Doctor is dead.)

RIVER: Who's River Song?
AMY: Are you still working? Because I'm still a relative. Access files on River Song.
TESELECTA-AMY: Records available.
AMY: Show me her. Show me River Song.

(The Teselecta transforms.)

AMY: What did he say? The Doctor gave you a message for River Song. What was it?

(River starts to glow.)

AMY: What's happening? River, what are you doing?
RIVER: Just tell me. The Doctor, is he worth it?
AMY: Yes! Yes, he is!

(River pours her golden regeneration energy into the Doctor, and he revives.)

DOCTOR: River. No. What are you doing?
RIVER: Hello, sweetie.

(River kisses the Doctor.)

[Hospital]

(River wakes up in a bed.)

AMY: Hey.
RIVER: Hey. Where am I?
AMY: You're safe now. Apparently, you used all your remaining regenerations in one go. You shouldn't have done that.
RIVER: Mother, I had to try.
AMY: I know.
RIVER: He said no-one could save him, but he must have known I could.
DOCTOR: Rule one. The Doctor lies.
NURSE: She just needs to rest. She'll be absolutely fine.
DOCTOR: No, she won't. She will be amazing.

(The Doctor leaves a brand new TARDIS-style diary on the bedside cabinet.)

[TARDIS]

AMY: So that's it, we leave her there?
DOCTOR: Sisters of the Infinite Schism. Greatest hospital in the universe.
AMY: Yeah, but she's our daughter. Doctor, she's River and she's our daughter.
DOCTOR: Amy, I know. But we have to let her make her own way now. We have too much foreknowledge. Dangerous thing, foreknowledge.

(His Teselecta biography is on the scanner.)

AMY: What's that?
DOCTOR: Nothing.

(He turns it off.)

DOCTOR: Just some data I downloaded from the Teselecta. Very boring.
RORY: Doctor, River was brainwashed to kill you, right?
DOCTOR: Well, she did kill me, and then she used her remaining lives to bring me back. As first dates go, I'd say that was mixed signals.
RORY: But that stuff that they put in her head, is that gone now? The River that we know in the future, she is in prison for murder.
AMY: Whose murder? Will we see her again?
DOCTOR: Oh, she'll come looking for us.
AMY: Yeah, but how? How do people even look for you?
DOCTOR: Oh, Pond. Haven't you figured that one out yet?

[The Luna University, 5123]

(A professor is interviewing a prospective student.)

CANDY: So then, tell me. Why do you want to study archaeology?
RIVER: Well, to be perfectly honest, Professor, I'm looking for a good man.

Transcript originally provided by Chrissie. Adapted by TARDIS.guide. The transcripts are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.

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